Missing: My motivation
Last seen: Eh, I'm too lazy to remember
Reward: More frequent updates
> Everyone: Don Santa hats and say "Merry Christmas Laser Turtle!"
> Or just do their actions and stuff. That's cool too.
>Everyone breaks the fourth wall to wish LaserTurtle a merry Christmas.
>He's thankful for the gesture, but, really, do you know how hard it is to clean up the fragments of fourth wall left around the place?
>Yeah. This is what some people do on their off days. Fix fourth walls across universes.
>So, yeah, while this is all rather belated and nice
wouldn't be late is SOMEONE had gotten his butt into gear a few days ago (quiet Koishi, don't break the fourth wall more than you usually do), you're sort of saddling the janitors of the multiverse some extra work.
>Still, it's the thought that counts, right?
Utsuho: DO SOMETHING!
>Parsee stumbles back to her job the morning (or two mornings. Three? Whatever.) after the Christmas party. Yup. More commands.
>She really needs some assistants helping her out. Chibi Parsees, maybe? There are some around here, right?
>For now, though...
>Utsuho does stuff of her own free will. She is not a puppet to play around with!
>But yeah. She's going to be doing something, so I guess you can count it as a moral victory...?
>Grimoire of Alice: Be hungry
>Whoa no. Parsee's not even going to start on how ridiculous that would be. Really, why would a book need food in the first place?
>
Magic book, remember?>Parsee shoves the grimoire back to its side of the fourth wall. Really, the Underground is a mess. More so than usual, anyway.
>And what's with all those "Missing: My Motivation" posters? What wise guy would think that missing posters will help locate an aspect of him that didn't exist much in the first place?
Rika> Rika - Look through Patchouli's collection of books on modern military weaponry for inspiration.
>You roll a 2 and start looking through transcribed archives about modern popular culture.
>You just might have a way of creating a roflcopter that generates enough lift to fly, actually...
>Well, you wouldn't say that it was a total failure. You
do have a new tank design planned out.
>It will be a giant cat. The ammunition will be food objects, particularly cookies or cheeseburgers. The meowing will be a sonic weapon - oh wait that is entirely stupid.
>Stupid dice.
Rika: Slap Satori
>You roll a 1. Critical failure! You slap yourself.
>Your face stings now.
> Get out of the castle.
> Do not feel sorry for the ordinary formerly redhead magician.
> Red-headed Marisa. That's hilarious!
>You roll a 2. Huh. Well, you can sympathize with Marisa. Perhaps you two aren't as different as you think.
>She's a completely bonkers kleptomaniac witch girl and you're a logical, rational scientist and upstanding citizen, but other than that, you have things in common!
>Like...
>...
>...um.
>"You both are human girls," Satori points out helpfully.
>Right! You two are both human and of the female persuasion! There's a start!
>But yeah. Red-headed Marisa could only be topped by that ridiculous shade of purple Reimu's hair used to be.
> Give Mokou and Satori accurate instructions on how to use your handheld communication devices.
> Call them "cell phones" for short. Thank goodness it isn't an acronym this time.
>You roll a 1. Your explanation works and is completely wrong in every single way.
>"So, you press this button here to call for someone. The signal sends out microwaves into the air, which fry your brain until you receive the illusion that the person on the other side has responded. Your electromagnetic-wave-addled head will eventually synchronize realities with the person who receives the signal, due to quantum stuff that is too complicated to be explained logically. The working end result is that it lets you talk with anyone else who has a device like it. Any questions?"
>"Oh, and they're cell phones. It's a good name for them. Just call them that."
>Sanae raises her hand. "I don't think that's how outside world cell phones work..."
>"Yes, well, we're in Gensokyo. Weird stuff happens here," you reply.
>Sanae nods thoughtfully. She seems to have followed your logic.
> Hop in the tank, ignoring the Chinese gatekeeper napping on it. What was her name again?
> Lift off. To the Human Village! A huge incident requires a huge tank! ... Or just a bigger tank than S.A.T.O.R.I.N.
> Talk about robotics and the grimoire's AI with Alice along the way.
> Shoot any red-white-shrine-maiden-ish figure on sight.
>You open the hatch of S.A.T.O.R.I.N. and hop in. Komachi takes a seat on the tank, and Alice gets her dolls all ready for a trip.
As you lift off, the gatekeeper is reminded again that her nap break ended 1
week hour ago.
>Your first stop is the Human Village! Rolled a 4. You fly around a bit before realizing that a programming error made the tank think that going west was actually going north.
>"So, Alice," you strike up a conversation, "What is your Grimoire's A.I.?"
>"Ay-Eye?"
>"Artificial Intelligence. Faking a person's thought processes. I program it into my robots some times."
>Alice stays silent for a minute or two, then starts talking again. "My grimoire says that it is not artificial like, I quote, '
your stupid science stuff.' It has to do with magical power. Magical entities eventually gain enough magic of their own to become a living being, albeit one that does not need sustenance such as food or drink."
>"Oh, well then it's just stupid magic stuff," you conclude.
>Alice nods. "Stupid magic stuff, indeed."
>Komachi yawns. "Believe me, faith has it much worse off than both of your guy's systems. Trust me, it's not good realizing that you're supposed to look like some sort of skeleton in a cowl on some artist's whim. I've got a hard time keeping my appearances straight."
>Well, you've arrived at the village, at any case.
> Shoot any red-white-shrine-maiden-ish figure on sight.
>You see no red-white shrine maiden, only a red-white phoenix girl headed off with her group of
4 3 4 and a half 4 people.
>Still, you stay on the lookout for suspicious armpit mikos.
> As soon as we get back to the base, park S.A.T.O.R.I.N. and ask Rikako for a status report on the tanks and any new contraption we're currently working on.
> Hide everything that can be used as a bed. This should keep our sleepy companion(s) in check.
>You enter your lab through the back entrance to not cause a scene.
>Rikako looks up from her desk. "Ah. I see you're back with some companions."
>You introduce Alice and Komachi to her.
>In an attempt to prevent Komachi from sleeping, you hide everything soft enough to sleep upon.
>Your attempt has rolled a 2. Komachi promptly falls asleep in your swivel chair.
>"So, how are my inventions?" you ask Rikako.
>"Exactly the same as you left them. I do have to wonder: Are you ever going to finish that optical camoflauge tank?"
>Ah, yes. The optical camouflage - wait.
>You never started building a tank like that.
>Someone's been in your lab, building your tanks.
>WHO COULD IT BE?
>But seriously, you would like to know.
> Choose a random tank and go greet our old friend (?) Yuukarin!
> Load the tank's main cannon with a couple of Alice's robots dolls.
>You select Evil Eye Sigma 2.0 randomly. "To wherever 'Yuukarin' is!" you announce.
>Alice freezes. "Do you, by any chance, mean Yuuka?"
>Komachi wakes up just in time to join in the conversation. She thinks about it. "Well that or Yukari. I'm placing my bets on Yuuka, though."
>"Well, of course I meant Yuuka!" you shout. "I remember she started some sort of incident, so maybe she's behind this one!"
>Alice sighs. "Great. Well, you tell me how that goes."
>Komachi grabs Alice with her scythe. She grins. "Don't tell me you're afraid of the big bad flower youkai~!"
>You have no idea what they're talking about. Wasn't Yuuka some sort of powerful sleepy youkai?
>Speaking of having no idea, where is Yuuka?
>Maybe this idea wasn't as good as you thought.
MokouMokou: Slap Satori
>You roll a 5. You give Satori a solid slap for no reason at all.
>Satori glares at Koishi. Rika seems to have slapped herself.
> Mokou - Wonder if Satori is trying to stick us with everyone that annoys her.
>"No, I'm not," Satori explains. "It's all determined randomly. Any unfavorable companions are due to your own bad luck."
> Get out of the castle.
> Do not feel sorry for the ordinary formerly redhead magician.
> Red-headed Marisa. That's hilarious!
>You roll a 2 and feel sorry for Marisa. You have no idea why.
>But yes, Marisa being a redhead is rather entertaining.
> Distract Koishi with the Sukusuku Hakutaku
> Test the "cell phone". Try and call Kaguya.
>You roll a 3. Koishi is sufficiently distracted by the sukusuku hakutaku.
>...well. You're surprised that the sukusuku hakutaku can support Koishi's weight.
>You roll a 6 and call Kaguya even though it should be impossible.
>"Hey, Kaguya! Guess who can bother you from long distances!"
>"SHUT UP MOKOU! NOW IS NOT THE TIME! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THIS NUMBER?"
>This cell phone is the coolest thing ever.
>Although it sounded like Kaguya was in the middle of a fight. Strange.
>In Eientei, the residents are fleeing from a storm of homing amulets. Reimu was bored again.
> Go after Yukari. She's definitely fooling around again.
>When in doubt, Yukari is the culprit. Well, it works for Reimu!
>You head off towards the border in the hopes of finding Yukari's house.
> End up underground because of Koishi.
> Do not resist the sudden craving for tea.
>Koishi shenanigans have obviously taken place. Yukari's house was not underground, the last time you checked.
>"What are we doing down here?" Sanae asks.
>"Don't ask me," you grumble. "Ask Satori's crazy sister."
>The sister in question is currently getting a wheelbarrow ride from Rin.
>You feel a sudden craving for tea. At first you resist it. But then you roll a 4, so that plan goes in favor of getting tea.
>"Actually, tea would be quite nice right now." Sanae speaks up while sipping her tea.
>You take a sip of your tea. Yes. Tea does have a calming effect. Maybe what you need right now is a relaxing cup of tea.
>Wait.
>Stupid Koishi.
> Call Satori. Koishi must be constantly kept in check, and we don't have the patience for that.
> Well, since we're there...
> Ask the oni and the Bridge Princess about the incident.
>You call Satori and roll a 5. The call connects you with...
>...Koishi. "Hello, Mokou? How did you get this number?" Koishi asks innocently.
>Friggin' subconscious manipulations. You hang up.
>Well, now that you're here, you might as well make the most of it.
>"Huh? What about this incident?" Yuugi asks. "It hasn't really changed much here."
>"After all," Parsee grumbles, "We never do anything worthwhile, anyway."
>Yuugi grins. "On the plus side, parties get a lot more wild!"
>Parsee grumbles again. "We never do anything but party. The oni are tiresome.
Plus my job and all. I really hope that the chibi is doing everything right."
> Distract the Bridge Princess with the Sukusuku Hakutaku.
> Ask Orin to gather all the equipment she deems useful for solving incidents.
>You decide that the bridge princess needs something cute and distracting. Commence Operation Hakutaku!
>The Parsee is completely distracted by the sukusuku hakutaku.
>Yuugi stares at the scene. "Well, it's not every day that you see the grouchy bridge princess lighten up."
>Rin salutes. "All equipment ready and accounted for! Got my shovel, spray paint, lighter fluid, portable wheelbarrow, and laser pointer!"
>You're not so sure that any of the stuff that Rin has brought will be needed, but whatever.
> Ditch Koishi.
>You ditch Koishi.
>Then you realize that something like that would probably need to be rolled.
>Dangit, Koishi.
> Get back to the surface and go after Yukari. Watch out for falling bucket youkai along the way.
> Assist Sanae in youkai hunting.
>Well, now that your pit stop is finished, you might as well go over to Yukari. On the way up, you watch for bucket youkai.
>You roll a 6 and notice the bucket youkai with unparalleled skill.
>Unfortunately, that skill does not go into
dodging the bucket youkai. You fail at that.
>Your head hurts now.
>Sanae is laughing at you. Koishi is giggling.
>You feel like Sanae should be exterminating youkai, so you start with attacking Koishi.
>"
Forgiveness 'Honest Man's Death'!"
>Sanae notices what you're doing and decides to join in the fun. "
Miracle 'God's Wind'!"
>Koishi announces her counterattack, too. "
Depths 'Genetics of the Subconscious'~!"
>Your team may have teamwork issues.
Satori> Satori - Respond to Mokou's musings.
> Begin by searching Patchouli's collection of RPG rulebooks for sentience.
>You explain to Mokou that you cannot be held responsible for any companions that she gets.
>The search starts by you searching the RPG rulebooks section of the Library. You roll a 19. Successful search, but you find nothing.
>Mokou slaps you for some reason.
Satori: Slap Satori
>What? Slap yourself? That'd be stupid!
>Wait, you rolled a 15. Dangit.
>You slap yourself. It hurts.
> Get out of the castle.
> Do not feel sorry for the ordinary formerly redhead magician.
> Red-headed Marisa. That's hilarious!
>You roll a 9 and only feel sorry for Marisa within acceptable ranges.
>You already knew that Marisa used to be a redhead from when she barged into the Palace of the Earth Spirits way back when Utsuho was planning on taking over Gensokyo.
>It is just as hilarious as you first found it.
> Keep Koishi away from the "cell phone".
> Read the "cell phone"'s mind.
>You keep Koishi away from the cell phone.
>The cell phone has no mind that you can read, but it was worth a shot.
>Why did you roll a 12? Did that mean...?
>Oh yeah. Koishi.
>Dangit Koishi.
>Well, it's too late to prevent her now.
>Satori: Start Gensokyo's First Book-Burning.
>Satori - Wait, why would we burn books? They're valuable resources, even the living ones.
>You think books are a pretty cool guy. eh stores knowledge and doesn't afraid of anything.
>Koishi is really getting on your nerves. You're just glad that she's not grouped with you.
> Set off to find Chiri.
> Ask Hina for directions. After all, Chiri needs Hina's services on a regular basis, if we remember correctly.
>"Oh, Chiri?" Hina wonders. "I haven't seen her recently, either. Funny, with all the stuff happening around the place, you would think that she'd be visiting me more than ever."
I wonder if she's being held prisoner or something...> "Yes, Okuu. After all the trouble she's caused, she owes you at the very least some boiled eggs."
> Watch out for ineffective deathtraps. If they can't be avoided, Utsuho can blast them away.
>You watch out for ineffective deathtraps and roll a 5.
>There are no deathtraps in sight. Mainly because you are in front of a dark cave.
>"Really?" Utsuho brightens up. "Yay!"
Eggs! I get more eggs!>She is so happy about this news that she fires off a laser for good measure. Well, that's one way to illuminate a cave.
>...And a good way to disable all the deathtraps. Very, VERY good.
> If Chiri is in sight, approach and engage her. Be diplomatic.
> Read her memories in order to make a Recollection spell.
> Ask Chiri about the incident, coin-flipping and that weird grimoire.
> Watch Chiri's display of great misfortune.
> Watch Hina collect huge amount of misfortune.
> Remind Utsuho that misfortune is not made of eggs.
>Chiri is nowhere to be seen. This entire string of commands is useless.
>Still, you have a very dark cave to be entered. There's a start.