Credit to Sect for the whole currency thing
Patchouli Knowledge stood deep in enemy territory, clutching Koakuma?s arm and shaking. All around her, great horned beasts roamed the streets, all moving towards the center of the Ancient City. As she looked up at the stalactites on the ceiling, she wondered if anyone even stopped to think about what would happen if they all fell down. The Underground was a dangerous place, indeed.
Her familiar wasn?t bothered in the slightest, taking the two of them through the crowd with ease.
?Do you have the letter, Lady Patchy?? she asked, looking over her shoulder at the tiny magician. Her rucksack bumped against her back with each step.
?Yes.? The evil document was clutched in Patchouli?s free hand. Someone who had to have been nine feet tall bumped into Patchouli as they passed, and she almost dropped it. She clung closer to Koakuma and shuddered.
?Why do we have to do this?? Patchouli groused. ?And come to think of it, aren?t the oni being unusually well-behaved today??
?I don?t have to do this. I?m here out of the kindness of my heart,? Koakuma informed her. Ignoring her second statement, she pointed ahead. ?Hey, look! There she is.?
Patchouli bobbed up and down on her heels, wondering how Koakuma could see over this sea of heads. ?What? Finally??
The two broke from the main flow of the crowd, standing off to the side next to a crowded bar. This was one of the many buildings framing the main square, a circular area with a stone tree erected in the center. There were oni everywhere: gathered on the roofs of buildings, leaning out windows, taking up counters and tables in the surrounding buildings, pausing from their work to pass around alcohol. Most were sitting on mats and picnic blankets in the square itself, and under the tree was a long table with four chairs side by side, and boxes underneath. Only one chair was occupied, with a dark-haired woman eating noodles out of a bowl and looking bored.
Patchouli looked around at the participants, noticing that it wasn?t just oni in the crowd: she saw a great number of tsuchigumo and tsurube-otoshi as well. Kasha and hell ravens were in smaller numbers, although they weren?t ones who belonged to the Palace of Earth Spirits. Curiously enough, she didn?t see anyone she recognized from there.
An oni even shorter than Patchouli was came bounding up to the two, waving with both hands. Her long ginger hair bounced up and down as she ran.
?Heyyy! Glad you could make it!? she rasped. ?You got yer RSVP??
Patchouli wheezed and handed over the letter.
?Man, Yukari sure went all-out with the stationary,? the little oni said as she read through it. ?Geez. Who?s the redhead with you??
?I?m Koakuma,? said the demon, and extended a hand.
?Ibuki Suika, one of the four Devas.? Suika caught Koakuma?s hand in a tight grip and shook it up and down. As soon as she let go, she turned her attention back to Patchouli.
?Heya, Patch.? Patchouli gave her what she believed to be her best look of contempt. Suika smiled and sighed. ?Yeah, you guys can go take a seat next to Tenshi over there.?
She gestured to a blue-haired celestial girl, sitting on an otherwise empty blanket and tearing into a chicken wing. Patchouli?s shoulders relaxed; at least she wasn?t being seated next to an oni.
As Patchouli and Koakuma picked their way through the crowd, the whispers of other ongoers reached their ears.
?Who?s that??
?The magician who?s representing the surface youkai. And her familiar too, by the looks of it.?
?They got no shame, sending kids in their stead.?
?But would ya rather have the bigshots nosing into our business??
Patchouli lowered herself next to Tenshi, and Koakuma took a seat on her other side. Tenshi wiped her hands on a napkin and gave the two a look.
?Land dwellers??
?We?re here to observe and record the event,? Patchouli said. ?Koakuma, the materials.?
Koakuma nodded and pulled her rucksack onto her lap. She handed over a small tome and a few pens, which, according to the shopkeeper they came from, didn?t need to be dipped into an ink bottle.
?So what?s a celestial doing all the way down here?? Patchouli asked.
?Ah, well, Suika and I were having a drink and she mentioned there?d be free food, so?? Tenshi took a bite out of the chicken wing she was holding.
?Oh.? Patchouli didn?t care much for fried food, but free food was something she understood and appreciated. She settled down and watched as Suika bounded over to the table to confront the girl with the noodles. She strained her ears, ready to listen in on their conversation, when a tsuchigumo holding a large wooden bucket plopped down onto the blanket.
?Buzz off, this chicken is mine,? Tenshi said.
?Don?t look at me, I?m just sitting here,? said the tsuchigumo. Patchouli recognized her as one of the youkai who gave Marisa and Reimu trouble during the Geyser Incident, and it became very easy to not look at her. Especially when it seemed she had brought her tsurube-otoshi friend along for the ride.
Patchouli returned her attention to the front table. Suika had taken a seat at the table, and the crowd was starting to quiet down a bit.
?You. Celestial,? Patchouli hissed under her breath. Tenshi gave an incredulous look and pointed to herself.
?Yeah? What??
?Who are those two up there with Suika??
?Oh.? Tenshi leaned back on her hands. ?The one eating is Konngara, and the blonde one is Yuugi.?
?Okay, everyone shut up!? Yuugi shouted. The oni, easily over six feet tall, stepped over everyone on her way to the front table. She stepped on the chair, put a foot on the table, and cupped her hands to her mouth.
?Guys, shut up!? she bellowed. Patchouli clamped her hands over her ears. The loudest of the crowd?s chattering become little more than offhand whispering.
?Good. Thanks. I?Konngara, are you seriously eating??
Konngara said something that Patchouli couldn?t hear, and Yuugi shrugged.
?Whatever. Anyway, thanks for coming you guys. I really appreciate that so many people today?we even got a representative from the Palace, I wouldn?t mind Miss Komeiji showing up in person next year, myself.?
A kasha with fiery red hair smiled and waved. Only a few people booed.
?Guys, stop. Anyway, I?d appreciate it if you keep the noise to a dull roar today, since we?re gonna be goin? over some pretty important stuff. If you have any questions, raise your hand and we may or may not call on you.?
?Standard protocol,? Tenshi whispered into Patchouli?s ear.
?This isn?t your first time?? Patchouli asked in a low voice.
?Third, actually.?
?Also, I?m gonna have to ask you guys to not start any brawls or fights while we?re talking, or we?re gonna make an example outta ya. Got it?? Yuugi leaned onto her knee. ?After we?re finished, feel free to beat the shit out of each other. But not right now.?
She leaned over and whispered something to Suika, who responded by shaking her head and making some gestures with her hands.
?Thanks man. Sooo, let?s get started with the 128 Oni Summit.? Yuugi fell back into her chair, and Suika stood up. She fumbled around in her pockets and took out a piece of paper.
?Over the past five years we?ve seen increased contact with the surface world, and I?ve gotten a lot of complaints about it,? Suika began. ?First of all, no, the Moriya Shrine isn?t going to build a branch shrine down here. All those little idols you see scattered around the city actually belong to the Kochiya Shrine. Y?know, the slugs? Sanae has been down here before, I dunno how many of you have actually seen her.?
Patchouli copied down Suika?s words as fast as she could. Next to her, Tenshi chugged something sweet-smelling from a thermos.
?Yasaka and Suwa-no-kami?s goals down here are to gather faith, but their version of a branch shrine is technological advancements, which are pretty sweet. Neither of ?em could be here today ?cause they?re busy with the nuclear reactor, but they?ll be here for the next meeting,? Suika explained. She coughed into her arm and continued. ?But yeah they?re not out to get us you guys. The three of us are already in charge here and we?ve made it clear to those guys.?
An oni in the crowd raised her hand. Suika pointed to her.
?Yeah??
?If I recall, Lady Yasaka was involved with the symposium released earlier this year, and??
She was interrupted with a chorus of boos.
?Quiet!? Suika shouted. ?Everyone here has read the symposium by now and it?s not flattering, and in fact a lot of people are pretty mad because the author only worked off of secondhand information.?
?She didn?t have the guts to come down here in person, so she?s not worth getting? angry over,? Yuugi added, sounding dismissive. Patchouli chewed her lip.
?This is worse than I thought,? she whispered to Koakuma. She had only heard that the Former Hell was displeased by the Hieda child?s newest publication, but she it didn?t occur to her that they would be this offended. She wrote in the margins, ?Symposium - > decrease in faith???
?Anyway, no one?s really forcing us to go above ground, but if you do go to the surface, you can?t bring more than two people with you,? Yuugi said. ?We can?t have more than ten people at a time. Ask around if you?re planning a day trip. And no overnight trips. Not yet. If you have any questions about it, come see one of us afterwards.?
Murmurs of consent washed through the crowd; no one seemed particularly bothered by these arrangements. Patchouli took note of this, too.
?While we?re on the subject of going to and from the surface, the bridge princess told me to tell you guys that you can only use the bridge entrance,? Yuugi said. ?So you?re not allowed to go out through No Man?s Land.?
?Why not?? a youkai yelled from the roof.
?Because traffic?s more manageable when there?s someone watchin? it!? Yuugi shouts back. The force of her yell knocks the youkai onto their back. That?s what you get for not raising your hand, Patchouli supposed.
?She also gets pissed when people don?t respect the bridge, so there?s that,? Yuugi concluded with a shrug (All the tsuchigumo and tsurube-otoshi in the crowd giggled). Konngara reached over and poked Suika in the arm.
?What? Oh, oh yeah, okay.? Suika waved her hands. ?Excuse me? I have something else to say about the Kochiya Shrine. There?s a chance that Sanae might actually want to build a branch shrine down here. Is that okay??
Patchouli covered her ears to protect them from the mixed chorus of yays and nays that ensued.
?Uhhh?? Suika blinked. ?Yeah...we?ll tell her to put the idea on hold, then. How about a hokora??
Patchouli tallied down as many yeses and noes she heard, with the former coming out on top. Koakuma looked around, her headwings flapping in excitement.
?Sanae?s the blue-white, isn?t she? I didn?t know she was popular underground.?
?There?s a lot of things we don?t know about that girl, Koakuma,? Patchouli said.
?I personally don?t care, because I?m hardly in the city,? the tsuchigumo chipped in, ?but I know a thing or two about her. The oni like her because she isn?t afraid of them.?
?Shhh, they?re going onto the next topic,? Patchouli hissed.
??by the way, while we?re on the topic of the surface??
?Still?? Patchouli sighed. She was hoping to get some good information about the Former Hell, but relations between them and the surface would have to work for now.
??we have something important to say, so no talking,? said Suika. Konngara lifted her hand.
?Huh??
?About that?I have something to say,? she said. She was audible, but just barely.
?Go ahead.?
Konngara stood up. ?As you all know, Reimu flies over the city a lot??
This was the first time Patchouli heard about this.
?I know you get excited when she shows up, but I?m going to have to ask you to stop,? she continued in a calm, quiet voice. ?Only a few of us have spellcards right now, so if you fight her she could get seriously hurt. She?s a Hakurei, so if she dies then the Boundary goes down?basically, don?t hassle her when she?s flying over or landing in the city. If she causes any problems come find one of us. If I hear she?s been kidnapped, or hurt, or something, I?ll break your limbs.?
She sat back down.
?The same goes for the black-white,? Yuugi said. ?The red-white and black-white are off limits, got it? You?d be aggroing a lot of people if anything happened to either of ?em. I know it sucks, but?yeah? Yeah, you, Yamame.?
All eyes were trained on the tsuchigumo next to Koakuma. Patchouli looked down at her handwriting, desperate to avoid eye contact.
?Doesn?t Suika live with the red-white? Why doesn?t she talk to her about this?? Yamame asked, hand held high. Suika?s face went bright red.
?Haha, um??
?I heard from Parsee that she sometimes attacks first. Is that really okay??
?If she shoots first you can shoot back, that?s okay,? Yuugi said as Suika laughed nervously. ?What we?re saying is don?t kidnap her or the black-white if you win, and don?t use physical attacks. They?re only human, after all.?
Tenshi almost choked on her chicken leg while she laughed. Patchouli gave her a thwap in the shoulder, and the celestial glared at her. Meanwhile, more hands in the crowd were raised.
?Why do we care if they?re human??
?We just went over that,? Yuugi said.
?I?ll talk to Reimu about, okay?? Suika reassured the crowd.
?Why does the red-white go Underground so much??
Yuugi rested her chin on her hand. ?Good question. I don?t know.?
Konngara folded her hands in front of her mouth to cover the small grin on her face. Suika was the only one who offered a solid reply.
?She visits the Palace,? Suika said. When the crowd started to get noisy again, she waved her hands. ?Hey, cut that out!?
?Speaking of the reactor, I?d like to talk about Okuu,? Yuugi said. Patchouli smirked. Way to change the topic.
?Lady Patchy, your notes.? Koakuma nudged Patchouli.
?Ah!? Patchouli gasped when realizing she forgot to write. She hunched over her book and stared scrawling down notes.
?If she shows up at your bar, or tavern, or whatever else, don?t serve her any alcohol. Even if she says she?s takin? it back to Satori, just don?t. I saw her the other day with some bottles of wine. C?mon, you guys.? Yuugi shook her head. ?We?re not supposed to let her get inebriated. We?re still on thin ice with the Yama from the Geyser Incident, and if she thinks we can?t take care of our own then she might try taking the Former Hell back. I know it?s a stretch, but one thing leads to another, y?know??
Patchouli?s eyes widened. The Yama? She was aware that the Former Hell used to be under jurisdiction of the infamous Judge, but did they still have contact with her?
?Just send her home. Give her some food or something. She?s not hard to please,? Yuugi says. ?I hear she likes those mozzarella sticks with the dipping sauce. No one?ll get mad if you give those to her on the house. Orin? Questions??
The redheaded kasha lowered her hand. ?I didn?t hear about her getting any wine. We have things under control at the Palace.?
?Well, then, couldja tell Satori to have it more under control?? Yuugi suggested. Orin looked away with her lip curled.
?Riiiight, big sis.?
?Moving along?Suika?? Yuugi gestured to the smaller oni.
?We?re gonna build a huuuge bathhouse where the Abyss used to be!? Suika announced, and the crowd erupted into cheers. Patchouli flinched, her ears aching as she tried to catch up on her notes.
?No one uses that district anymore, and it?s really close to the river, so we figured we?d do something cool with it,? Suika continued. ?We?ll be taking name suggestions for it later.?
?Lady Patchy, let?s visit it once it?s done,? Koakuma whispered, her voice high with excitement.
?You can go by yourself,? Patchouli replied.
?Hmph.?
?We?ll go with you,? Yamame said. The tsurube-otoshi poked her head out of her bucket and gave a thumbs-up. Koakuma smiled.
Once the cheering died down, Suika spoke up again.
?That?s all for that announcement. We?ve got a few more things to talk about, we?ll take some questions, and then split.?
?I?ll handle this one!? Yuugi said. ?I?m the one who?s in the city the most, so I see this problem a lot: I?ve had a lot of people coming to me complaining about counterfeit coins. More times than not they?ve been false alarms, but in either case, knock it off. None of us want to deal with you trying to get your friend in trouble, because they put bugs in your sake or something, especially not when we?re trying to eat dinner or sleep or something.?
?We shouldn?t even have to be talking about this,? Suika added. ?You guys should really know better by now. Anyway, the procedures for dealing with this are the same as they?ve always been, and if you don?t know what they are then talk to us afterwards.?
?That?s all?? Patchouli whispered to Yamame.
?It?s a persistent problem,? Yamame explained while she brushed the tsurube-otoshi?s twintails. ?Do you know about the underground?s currency??
Patchouli nodded. That much she had been able to research beforehand.
?Um, the last thing we?d like to talk about is the subterranean fields,? Konngara said. Patchouli took the few second?s pause to shake out her writing hand. ?I?ve noticed that a lot of people have been complaining about pests, bad harvests, people not respecting farming boundaries??
She counted the problems off on her fingers. ?We?re taking suggestions on what we can do to fix these things. We?ll be taking suggestions in??
She reaches under the table and takes out a box. It?s about the size of an average wine crate, but has been painted and decorated in a haphazard manner that made Patchouli think multiple people were involved in its creation.
??this. Suggestions for the name of the bathhouse and anything else to improve the city will be taken in here. It?s open for a week each month??
Koakuma reached over to rip a blank sheet from Patchouli?s book, but was stopped by a swift slap on the wrist.
?Is that it?? Yuugi asked.
?Yeah, I think so. Dismissed!? Suika banged her fist on the table. Before Patchouli could react, the crowd dissolved into chaos. Yamame took the tsurube-otoshi and shot a web at a nearby building, taking off above the crowd before she could get trampled. Tenshi gathered up her lunch, pulled the blanket out from under Patchouli, and dashed off into the crowd.
Koakuma grabbed Patchouli and her notes off the ground and took off into the air. Just like that, the city was back to its usual chaotic self.
Patchouli noticed Suika waving to her from the ground. She wriggled out of Koakuma?s arms and flew down to meet the oni.
?Thanks for actually showing up. I thought you?d be too much of a coward to come down here,? Suika said, her smile betraying the harshness of her words. Patchouli frowned.
?This is the last time I?ll be making my appearance in the Former Hell.? She coughed as a girl with bronze hair pushed past her. ?This was the last assignment given to me in regards to this infernal place.?
?Awww, it?s a shame you think that way, but we?re used to being hated down here.? Suika shrugged and looked over her shoulders at the two other Devas, who were in the process of setting up the suggestions box. ?Tell Yukari I said hi.?
?Right.? Patchouli waved to Koakuma, who was floating down to join her. ?Let?s go, Koa.?
?Wha? Already?? But that was the extent of her protesting, and she followed Patchouli out of the city without any complaints. As they walked along the bridge, towards the tunnel that led to the surface, Koakuma?s voice echoed throughout the cavern.
?I dunno about you, but I?m definitely going back there when that bathhouse is complete,? she told Patchouli.
?And I?ll be taking a bath back at the mansion,? Patchouli said. She?d take a hot bath with a cup of tea, and some incense if it wouldn?t give her a headache.
Yes, that would be much better than this place.