In the meantime, anyone is absolutely welcome to attempt to interpret the epic in the thread, it'll be amazing.
[23:28] <Sakura-Rurouni> @choose Paradise Lost or The Divine Comedy
[23:28] <%Keine-tan> Sakura-Rurouni: I choose...Paradise Lost! ^_^V
[23:28] <Sakura-Rurouni> Ohhhhhh dear.
[23:28] * Sakura-Rurouni rubs her hands together
[23:28] <Sakura-Rurouni> First, the Iliad. Now, Paradise Lost. Okay then!
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, but you've awakened the urge to bastardize literature within me. I hope you're happy. Only Trance knows how much I like style parodies, after all.
I have adapted the first book of Paradise Lost for your approval.
A Note on the VerseThe measure is Englysh Heroic Verse, without Rime, as that of Homer in Greeke, and of Virgil in Latine, and of other writers in other divers Languages whose names escape me, I not having writ them down in my Documents as I ought to Have, but rather on bits of Paper lying about the House, which Scraps I later scare can find.
It is without Rime because Rime is no necessary Adjunct or true Ornament of Poem or good Verse, but rather a Pain unto my Buttoks, as only Idiots are like to find Pleasure in Rime, and only Simpletons admire Rime, and unto Idiots and Simpletons alike I say Faugh! Faugh! Faugh!
-- And again, Faugh!
Book IOf Forumgoers' First Disobedience, and the Download
Of that Forbidden Thread, whose mortal tast
Brought Piracy into the Forums, of all our woe,
Sing Heav'nly muse-- Sing out loud, sing out strong,
Don't worry if it's not Good enow
For anyone else to hear-- just sing, sing a song!
(But try to keep it short, if you don't mind.)
Sing of th' Infernal Shim, whose Rebel Rankes
Of Posters hath embattled TSO, defied Her,
Hath thought to o'erthrow th' Time-Space Administration Bureau,
And make themselves Top Admines of M'tK,
And (Big Surprise!) hath been whaled upon
By TSO, and Vanquished by Her, and kicked hard
Upside their heads by Her, and knocked about
By furious faithful Staff, those little Snits,
Withal o'ercome in battel and sent Down,
Out of th' ethereal air, down to the Lake of Fyre,
Where for nine days and nine nights they lay
Vanquished, wretched, groaning their incalculable Loss,
Wond'ring if maybe it hadn't been such a Good Idea,
Trying to get over on TSO.
High-perched, Shim surveyed their lot
And beheld his many damn?d peers.
JT, for example,
Who oft in CPMCe had spoken of his fair looks,
Bragging of the Babes he'd bagged:
Now horn?d, feet cloven, with fangs and claws,
And dandruffe, and acne, and foule Breath;
His anguished cries roared out, unheard
By his thousand self-abhorring Peers.
Like HakuSM, and Anthony,
Thus too even Jana the Coppola,
A thousand thousand tortured cries
As each beheld the self-same fate;
CPMC Forumgoers no more: they were all Unfunnied up.
With thund'rous Voice did Shim boom
His Speech to his wretched fallyn rankes:
"Valiant fellow Soldiers! Warriors brave!
Knocked thus low we waken to our Station,
Defeated, cast down, engulfed in Flaymes,
But remember ye all, remember ye the Ant!
Recall ye what made that lyttle olde Ant
Bethink himself to move that Rubber Tree Plante!
He had high Hopes-- Hath we not high hopes?
Hath we not high, Apple Pye, in the Skye hopes?
All of ye, joine together, ev'ry one!"
And soon the flaming Pit of RPG resounded
With grim and groaning fiendish Chorus,
Singing along around the Fyre.