Don't read this if you actually like anything I've ever written. Especially my Text adventures. Because this is going to suck all the magic out of them, I swear to god.
For reals. You've been warned. They'll look like 80 times more terrible if you'll read this. Because you'll notice things. And then it won't be as fun to read anymore.
Also cursing. Because I have the passions.
You know what I hate?
Dialogue.
I cannot make characters not sound exactly the goddamned same. I can add in some slangy stuff now and again, but in the end, they always have the exact same voice and it pisses me off so badly. The way they phrase things is always the same, the word choices are always the same. I cannot write people who sound unique no matter what I try. All I can really do is mask it up with accents and slang and shits and hope no one notices.
And then there's that whole goddamn thing where you're trying to write people having natural seeming gestures and expressions? You'd think that'd make 'em seem individual right? I can't even do that well. They always end up reacting to shit the same way. Same kind of body language all around. And then there's dropping that shit in seemlessly. Doing it so it doesn't mess up the flow of conversation? Goddamn, I can only dream of imagining getting that right. I just sorta end up dropping in like chucking rocks at a river, and hoping it lands in the right spot. Let alone actually being stuff people would do.
And then either there's not enough of it, and shit reads like a script of a muck talking to himself like a schizophrenic, or there's too much and you can't even tell what's being said for all the facial expression and arm flailing and walking across the room and shit. Usually it's the former for me. I tend to have people talk and forget to make 'em do anything.
Speaking of that, you know what I hate?
Descriptions.
Oh god I cannot describe a thing to save my life. Start with big details you notice immediately, work with little ones. Fuck a duck, you'd think it'd be easy. But goddamn if I just sorta start shooting them out like an uzi on full auto in the hands of a blind man and hoping I even wing the target. Let alone trying to make them flow naturally into one another. And fuck me if I ever remember to apply non-visual senses. Smell, touch, temperature, sounds? Maybe I'll remember 'em weeks later. =[
You know what I hate?
Making one thing flow into another.
Christy McAllah I hate this so much. Making one paragraph look like it's supposed to follow another? Hell, making one sentence seem like it's supposed to follow another! Shit, I abuse "also", "furthermore", and other such words so much the language ought to consider me a war criminal. And if I don't do it, my shit just reads like a kludge of sentences put into a random order by a dice roller with the periodic key phrase missing that would tie it all together. I just cannot make shit flow at all. It's all like a like a first grader's paragraphs, all I get are a much of wooden sentences.
I'm not even going to get into my cousinfucking typos and dyslexia. =I
Genitals.