I am now going to interrupt the current discussion with something entirely unrelated! :justasplanned:
The other day, I was talking to some writers on another site and talking about how to write fight scenes. One of them linked me to
this and its page 2, but the link is currently dead. However, I still have the content, and so I shall repost it here, as the question of how to write action scenes comes up fairly often 'round these parts.
Writing Action Scenes (Part 1)Action sequences and fight scenes are a necessary element of many genres of stories, but they are also tricky to write. In fact, some published authors write terrible action sequences.
MistakesLet?s begin by examining a passage from
Eldest.
The monsters had the advantage of surprise and quickly cut down four men, forcing the rest of the warriors, men and dwarves alike, to cluster around Ajihad in an attempt to protect him. Swords and axes clashed as the groups pressed together. Light flashed from one of the Twins, and an Urgal fell, clutching the stump of his severed arm.
For a minute, it seemed the defenders would be able to resist the Urgals, but then a swirl of motion disturbed the air, like a faint band of mist wrapping itself around the combatants. When it cleared, only four warriors were standing: Ajihad, the Twins, and Murtagh. The Urgals converged on them, blocking Eragon?s view as he stared with rising horror and fear. (p. 10)
So, as you might have guessed, this is a poor action sequence. I could make a long list of why this is so, so I will.
Lack of detail.?The monsters had the advantage of surprise and quickly cut down four men.? How? How were the men cut down? How many Urgals cut down four men? Did they cut down four men in an organized thrust of halberds? Did a bunch of them just run in with machetes? The point of a fight scene to convey the movement of the fight to the reader. My mental image of this line, as it is written is, ?Four Urgals step up together, raise their swords, and behead four men.? Real exciting.
?Swords and axes clashed as the groups pressed together, but then a swirl of motion disturbed the air, like a faint band of mist wrapping itself around the combatants. When it cleared, only four warriors were standing.? Have you ever watched one of those really old animated cartoons, like Tom and Jerry? Often when the characters got in a fight, you would see that cheesy dust cloud and an occasional limb, instead of the actual fight. This was for two reasons. Animating an actual fight is a lot of work, and animation was hard back then. And also because the animators thought some of the fighting was inappropriate for adults. It?s almost like this book was written in a really lazy way, and portraying actual combat would be too much work, or this book desperately wants to be a young adults' novel, which I guess it is.
Sentence LengthIn a fight scene sentences should be kept short. More on this later.
Bad Writing for Plot ConvenienceBad tactics. For battle trained warriors, these people demonstrate a stunning lack of tactics. Since it should be obvious that the Urgals are trying to kill Ajihad his men shouldn?t be clustering around him. The Urgals start behind the men. So if Ajihad?s men really want to save him, they should form a line to block the Urgals, allowing Ajihad to run ahead and back to safety. But since Ajihad?s death was a plot device, it doesn?t matter.
Spacial inconsistency. ?The Urgals converged on them, blocking Eragon?s view.? As I recall, Ajihad was already surrounded by tons of men, dwarves, and Urgals. Why is it that only now Eragon?s view is bad? Because him not seeing Murtagh and the twins escape is another plot device.
Now, let?s address some of these points, and see how we might be able to fix them.
DetailA fight scene is all about conveying detail, but a different kind of detail than normal description.
Consider:
?Jaecyn avoided the sword. The sword was pure steel, wrought in steamforges before the plague, and it was decorated with gold leaf and emeralds. Jaecyn attacked.?
Versus:
?Jaecyn avoided the sword. Jaecyn attacked.?
Which do we prefer? The first conveys more information, but at a high cost. The flow of the fight is ruined by the description. In a longer description of a fight, where the tempo is established, this would stop the action dead. This actually applies to more than just action sequences. Generally long blocks of description disrupt the story.
Now consider:
?Jaecyn avoided the sword. Jaecyn attacked.?
And then:
?Jaecyn shifted his torso right to avoid the stab, and cut at Lord Strent?s extended arm.?
Again, we prefer the second choice. Instead of using the vague terms ?avoid?,?attack? some of the actual movement is shown. This is the kind of detail that we need. However, this still isn?t where we want it.
Actors vs. ActionsWhen writing these scenes, verbs need to be attributed to the actors.
This has half of it:
?Jaecyn shifted his torso right to avoid the stab, and cut at Lord Strent?s extended arm.?
This is better:
?Lord Strent thrust his sword arm forward to stab. Jaecyn shifted his torso right to avoid the stab, and cut at Lord Strent?s extended arm.?
Now the action is actually attributed to someone, and it isn?t just mysteriously there. Now we have a problem, the sentences are long and clunky.
Even better:
?Lord Strent thrust his sword forward to stab. Jaecyn shifted his torso right to avoid the stab, and cut at the extended arm.?
For the purposes of imagining this scene, we only need to know Jaecyn shifted right, and not something slightly different and more specific. This cuts down on clunky-ness in the sentence. Further, now that the action is clearer, we don?t have to signal that an action is made to ?attack? or ?Evade? or such nonsense.
?Lord Strent thrust his sword forward. Jaecyn shifted right, and cut at the extended arm.?
This still isn?t perfect, but we will stop here for the moment. We will further refine this in part two of the article.
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Writing Action Scenes (Part 2)Action-ReactionFight scenes are nothing if not Action-Reaction. The name should be pretty self descriptive. We are pretty familiar with this concept already.
Lord Strent thrust his sword forward. Jaecyn shifted right.
That was an action-reaction sentence.
Jaecyn shifted right to avoid Lord Strent?s thrust.
That was not an action-reaction sentence, because we placed the reaction before the action. This is something you?ll want to avoid, because it disrupts flow. If you have a series of action-reaction sentences and then suddenly you pull a reaction-action things get thrown off. The reader should see the reason for the reaction before the reaction. Thus action-reaction.
Action-reaction plays an important role in portraying a fight. The person with action is implied to have the initiative in the fight, as the other person is reacting to his movements. When the direction of the battle switches, ie. someone takes the initiative you break the paragraph, and then continue with the action-reaction sequence.
Changing Initiative Strent chopped down. Jaecyn raised the chair, and caught the sword in the back of the chair. Strent raised his sword and tried again. The wood splintered, but this time the sword stuck in the chair. Jaecyn twisted the chair, trying to wrench Strent?s sword out of his hand.
Observe the first two action-reaction pieces. ?Strent chopped down. Jaecyn raised the chair? and ?Strent raised his sword and tried again. The wood splintered?. Even though in the second action-reaction, Jaecyn?s action isn?t explicitly stated, his action is implied. But then the underlined next sentence begins with an action by
Jaecyn?he has gained the initiative here, and the following paragraph will involve Jaecyn?s actions and Lord Strent?s reactions.
InterruptionsThis is another way initiative can be stolen. When the first person has the initiative, but is
interrupted during his action.
Jaecyn drew another three, but Strent chucked a china plate at Jaecyn. He ducked as the china exploded overhead.
Here Lord Strent has gained the initiative, he turned what was going to be Jaecyn?s action into his Action-Reaction. Jaecyn is forced to react to his interruption.
CaveatsThere is a caveat here. For concurrent actions, the action-reaction model doesn?t exactly work. You?ll still want to start with the action of whoever has the initiative, even if they are happening at the same instant. This can help preserve flow.
While Lord Strent swung, Jaecyn lunged forwards.
In the larger context of several action-reaction models, this doesn?t sound at all out of place. The important thing is to be mindful of the way words can change the time frame we view things in.
Lord Strent cut, Jaecyn stabbed.
Sounds like they are taking turns.
Lord Strent cut and Jaecyn stabbed.
Sounds more like they are acting in the same moment. I?ll use this to lead into a discussion of time flow.
TimeTime in fight scenes can be kind of tricky, because there are two interactions. On one hand, sentence and clause length functions as an indicator of time.
He cut.
Sounds like it happened faster than
He twisted his wrist in an elaborate circular motion to cut.
Doesn?t it? This is why the following is a bad passage:
?Out of the corner of one eye, Eragon watched as a humpbacked figure leaped toward him, extending its leaf-bladed sword so as to impale him. The world seemed to contract around the thin, narrow point; the tip glistened like a shard of crystal, each scratch a thread of quicksilver in the bright light of dawn.
He only had time for one more spell before he would have to devote himself to stopping the Ra?zac from inserting the sword between his liver and kidneys. In desperation, he gave up trying to directly harm the Lethrblaka and instead cried, ?Garjzla, letta!?
It was a crude spell, constructed in haste and poorly worded, yet it worked. The bulbous eyes of the Lethrblaka with the broken wing became a matched set of mirrors, each a perfect hemisphere, as Eragon?s magic reflected the light that otherwise would have entered the Lethrblaka?s pupils. Blind, the creature stumbled and flailed at the air in vain attempts to hit Saphira.
Eragon spun the hawthorn staff in his hands and knocked aside the Ra?zac?s sword when it was less than an inch from his ribs. The Ra?zac landed in front of him and jutted out its neck. Eragon recoiled as a short, think beak appeared from within the depths of its food. The chitinous appendage snapped shut just short of its hood.? (p. 46)
Those two bold sentences are the Action and the Reaction. Remember, it is Action-Reaction, not Action-awholelotofotherstuffthatjustgetsintheway-Reaction. With so many words there, that felt like the world?s slowest leap and thrust, didn?t it? In fact, everything in this scene seems to happen in slow motion, as the Action-Reaction is constantly being delayed by
words.
Sentence length plays a big role in the perception of time. Any word that isn?t essential to the understanding of the scene should be cut, so that the action is
crisp and clean, not cluttered. I?ll use that to lead into our discussion of description.
DescriptionLet?s revisit a but of that excerpt.
?Out of the corner of one eye, Eragon watched as a humpbacked figure leaped toward him, extending its leaf-bladed sword so as to impale him. The world seemed to contract around the thin, narrow point; the tip glistened like a shard of crystal, each scratch a thread of quicksilver in the bright light of dawn. ? (p. 46)
This is wrong. The description interrupts the narrative flow, is terrible, and isn?t appropriate for an action sequence. There are only two kinds of description that are appropriate in action sequences. There is the kind you would remember in the heat of action. Imagine you were in the middle of a bull run in Spain. What would you notice in the moment? Probably the flashes of red, the smell of sweat, and the shouting. In fact, these are the things that you can describe if you must. Color, smell, and sound. Perhaps feel, if appropriate. These are the things someone in the moment would be capable of observing. In the middle of a bull run, you won?t have time to compare the red of the headbands and cloaks to flowing blood and the lips of your lover. If you have that kind of time, it?s probably because a bull has trampled you, and you are dying. Poetic imagery isn?t for survivors.
The other kind of appropriate description is anything important to the reader?s understanding of the physical circumstances.
Jaecyn drew another three, but Strent chucked a china plate at Jaecyn. He ducked as the china exploded overhead.
Here the description of china plate is acceptable as a description of the physical properties of the plate. It won?t simply clatter like a metal plate would.
Jaecyn drew another three, but Strent chucked a china plate at Jaecyn. He ducked as the plate exploded overhead.
It could be argued that once you add the second paragraph you could remove the china descriptor, because the fragility of the plate is now implied. However, I kept it in as an indicator of status. As always, there are exceptions to rules that can be made.
Use the EnvironmentFar too often, fights just happen in generic open spaces, and the author gives no consideration to how terrain might affect a fight. The fight we read above from
Brisingr is purported to be fought in a cave, but this is never an important fact. Are the characters? movements ever constrained due to the low space? Do people ever use chokepoints in tunnels to make sure they aren't double-teamed? No, no. There seems to be infinite space in this cave, because these enormous Godzilla-esque lizards are prancing around in it. Saphira is getting attacked by two Lethrblaka. If she backed into a narrow tunnel, only one would be able to fight her at a time.
You should always keep your setting in mind when choreographing a fight. High ground is useful for people who leverage that advantage. A fight on a staircase will only feel like a fight on a staircase if you keep aware of the inherent dangers present. One false step and you could tumble to your death.
Putting This TogetherI?ll go through the process for writing a fight scene.
It?s important to keep your characters in mind, so I?ll give some background. Jaecyn has just returned from an exile imposed in large part by the Strent family. Although he is suspicious, he cannot afford to offend, so he attends a feast hosted by the Strents to ?celebrate? his return. Lord Strent has other ideas. Jaecyn fights with a smallsword, primarily used for quick thrusts. Lord Strent comes from a traditional school of sword fighting that favors using a cutting weapon to deliver a single fatal stroke. He uses a broader blade to cut. Jaecyn has the advantage of reach and quickness here. The battle takes place in a feast hall, so the long table will be the center piece of the action.
Jaecyn was the only one in the hall. He sat at the head of the long table, across from the entrance. For the time, he enjoyed the food alone. Lord Strent strode into the room. Jaecyn saw the black scowl on his face, and stood up from his chair, alarmed. Lord Strent drew his sword, and now Jaecyn was sure. I can?t say I didn?t expect this.
He approached from the right. Jaecyn circled, keeping the table between them. As they circled, Jaecyn got closer and closer to the doorway. He glanced at the open door. Lord Strent saw the look, and dashed for the doorway. Caught off guard, Jaecyn sprinted, but Strent got there first. Lord Strent cut, and Jaecyn had to slow and scramble back to avoid being hit. Strent slammed the door shut while Jaecyn regained his footing and drew his smallsword.
?Please let me leave,? said Jaecyn.
?I don?t think so.?
Lord Strent charged, holding his sword low. Jaecyn rapidly backtracked. Strent swept his sword in an upward arc. Jaecyn braced; intercepted with the forte of his sword. His sword was nearly swept away as the cut swung past. Lord Strent rushed past, and turned to charge again. As Strent approached a second time, Jaecyn vaulted over the table, knocked over a jar of wine, and landed on the other side.
?Coward,? said Strent as he faced Jaecyn across the table.
?Better than dead, at any rate.?
Strent tried to cross the table, but Jaecyn threatened. Strent cut, and Jaecyn stepped back as Strent bumped into the table. He lunged and thrust his sword forward. Jaecyn sidestepped, and struck Strent?s outstretched arm.
?Agh!?
Strent grimaced, then grabbed a chair and lobbed it. Jaecyn hesitated. I should duck. Strent jumped onto the table, kicking aside several plates of fowl. The chair struck Jaecyn and he managed to avoid injuring impact by catching the chair. Strent hopped down and faced Jaecyn. Reeling slightly, Jaecyn took a step back. Strent chopped down. Raising the chair, Jaecyn caught the sword in the back. Strent raised his sword and tried again. The wood splintered, but this time the sword stuck in the chair.
Jaecyn twisted the chair, trying to wrench the sword out of Strent?s hand. He twisted back and the sword broke free. He readied another attack, but Jaecyn pushed the splintered back of the chair into his stomach. He staggered, as the breath him. Jaecyn took this chance to dive across the table, flying into all manner of puddings and utensils.
He landed with a half tumble and tried to ignore the broken piece of bowl he landed on. Standing and drawing three daggers, he threw them. Strent roared as one glanced off his forehead and left a long cut. Another struck his left shoulder, and stuck.
Jaecyn drew another three, but Strent chucked a china plate at Jaecyn. Jaecyn ducked as china exploded overhead. By the time he got up Lord Strent was already across the table, scattering salad bowls in his wake. Jaecyn lost his composure, he panicked, there wasn?t enough time to think.
Snarling, Strent cut vertically. Jaecyn tried to sidestep, but there was no space. As the stroke bore down Jaecyn was forced to block, and he was driven to his knees. Strent swung at Jaecyn?s neck. Jaecyn tumbled backwards and away.
?Why are you trying to kill me??
?You murdered my son!?
?It, it was an unfortunate accident, for all of us.?
?This?ll be an accident too, you bastard.?
Lord Strent charged. Stubborn. He wants to deliver the deathstroke. Jaecyn grabbed a heavy cauldron and flung it in his path. There was a flash and a crunch, and Strent was on the floor screaming as the hot soup scalded him. Jaecyn jumped forward, landed on Strent?s stomach. Amid the soup he saw a bulging adam?s apple and slashed at it. Blood ruptured from beneath the covering of soup as Strent gurgled.
When Jaecyn finally stood, the blood intermingled with the overturned soup. The red blended and swirled in the soft cream. He breathed heavily, trying to regain his composure, but as he breathed in the savory smell of the soup the sharp stench of blood overwhelmed. He held his breath, trying to avoid it, but it was too much. He heaved up the meal he had just eaten. He fell to his knees in exhaustion. And there was Lord Strent, dead, amid what had been a perfectly good clam chowder.
I think my favourite part was "Poetic imagery isn?t for survivors. " :V
Anyway, this isn't perfect, but I think it should serve as some kind of placeholder answer to those people who ask how to write action scenes, at least!
