Author Topic: The Perfect, Elegant Maid (NEW INSTALLMENT 3/9)  (Read 21201 times)

The Perfect, Elegant Maid (NEW INSTALLMENT 3/9)
« on: August 20, 2010, 03:45:55 AM »
 ?Hey, there goes that white-haired hag!?

 One of the boys pointed at the girl walking down the sidewalk across from them. The girl with the ragged clothes and silver hair, who looked about seventeen or eighteen. As usual, she tried to ignore them, humming a song to herself.

 Ignoring them became harder when they began to throw stones, but at least their aim was bad.

 ?Get out of here, you arsonist! You witch!?

 ?at least, their aim with stones was bad.

 Tears began to form in the girl?s eyes as visions of her burning family played in her head. Their flesh blackening and peeling off as they tried to shove her out of the house, away to safety.

 She ran from the boys, into the nearby park where she curled up at the base of a tree and cried quietly, grasping her head. She wished she could remember her name, or what happened before the fire, or what her family had been like, but every time she tried to remember all that came to her mind was the fire.

 She felt so alone now. The orphan that everyone hated, that everyone taunted and teased, the girl that hated every human being she met because of how they all looked at her with fear.

 Why did they blame her? Just because they couldn?t find a reason for why the fire happened, and because she was the only one who survived, even after the falling scaffolding knocked her out?that didn?t mean she caused it, right?

 ?Stop thinking about it?? she muttered to herself.

 She tried something to comfort herself. She brought to mind the only memory of her parents she had, and tried to imagine them without the hideous burns. She tried to picture them as they could have been before the accident.

 The girl lay on her side, curled into a fetal position. She closed her eyes and imagined her parents holding her, singing to her as she fell asleep.

 Tears covered her eyes once more.

 As she drifted off to sleep, burn marks reappeared on her parents? faces.

-------------------------------

 The girl jolted awake, frightened by the same nightmare she had been experiencing for the past two weeks since the fire.

 She let out a few deep breaths to calm herself and wiped the encrusted tears from her eyes. Through her blurry vision, she made out that it was quite late at night, and there was some?thing sitting in the tree above her.

 It looked like a human with bat wings.

 Her heartbeat raced, pounding in her ears as she pulled out one of her knives and scurried away from the tree, backing into another one. Her breath came out in rapid gasps as the thing descended slowly, as if it were falling through water. It alighted on the ground, and the girl could see that it was a young girl no older than herself, dressed in fancy white clothes. Bat wings emerged from her lower back.

 ?S..stay back!? She pointed her knife at the winged girl. ?Stay away from me!?

 The winged girl?s glowing red eyes looked up at the silver-haired girl. She curtsied politely and smiled, showing her pointed incisors. ?Please, don?t be afraid. My name is Remilia. Remilia Scarlet.?

 The girl stayed silent, shaking in fear.

 Remilia spoke again after the pause. ?It would be polite to introduce yourself. Otherwise, this will be an awkward conversation.?

 ?I don?t remember my name??

 Remilia thought for a while. ?I?ll call you Sakuya. Sakuya Izayoi. That?s a nice name, don?t you think??

 Sakuya nodded curtly. At this point, she assumed all of this was a dream. Or maybe she died while she was asleep, and this was a demon coming to send her to Hell for killing her parents. But?she didn?t kill them, so?maybe Remilia was an angel?

 ?Anyway, I thought you might have some use for this.? Remilia walked elegantly over to Sakuya and held out her hand, which held a brass pocket watch. ?It?s just a trinket I came across one day.?

 ?Why are you giving this to me?? Sakuya took the watch and examined it. It looked perfectly normal. When she looked up again, Remilia was gone.

 I?m dreaming. I have to be dreaming. This doesn?t make any sense.

 Sakuya looked at the pocket watch again. She flipped open the metal cover, revealing the clock face, steadily ticking away the time. At a loss, she clicked the knob on the top.

 The watch stopped.

 Did I break it already? Sakuya looked around her, wondering if something actually happened.

 A bat was frozen in midair, about to ready another flap. A cockroach on the ground stood completely still, even its antennae as immobile as death.

 Astounded, Sakuya clicked the knob again. The bat flew through the trees again. The cockroach wagged its antennae before scurrying into the grass.

 A wide grin spread across Sakuya?s face.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2011, 09:46:29 PM by Calmartentacul »
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Blitzer

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2010, 03:48:54 AM »
Someday I'll cross all of these backstories of Sakuya's and come up with something awesome.

Nice fic so far.

Neonie

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2010, 03:51:25 AM »
Liking where this is going. Definitely following it.

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2010, 10:24:28 PM »
 The following morning, the same group of boys lounged by the fence surrounding the park. They spoke about nothing important, the subject matter that an average teenager would focus on.

 One of them noticed Sakuya in the distance, watching them through the trees. He pointed at her during a lull in conversation. ?Hey, there?s that weirdo. Want to pull a prank on her??

 ?Nah,? one of the boys replied. ?I?m not in the mood for it right now.?

 ?Well, you can hang around here, then,? another replied, ?because I?ve got an idea.?

 With that, four of the boys hopped the fence and headed for Sakuya, while the other three resumed talking.

 Sakuya stood still as they approached, her head looking down at the grass. She she shook with anticipation as she waited for the opportune moment, the point where a strike would be perfect.

 ?This is kind of creepy,? one of the four whispered. ?I?m not sure this is such a good idea.?

 ?Oh, come on. You?re scared of a girl? We outnumber her anyway.?

 Once they were in earshot of Sakuya, one of the boys picked up a stone and shouted to her. ?Hey, fire freak, look up!?

 The boy made the mistake of blinking. When he opened his eyes, Sakuya was gone, replaced by an array of knives headed straight for him.

 He was too shocked to react. The knives thudded into his body, but it was the one through his eye that finished him. He fell to the ground, dead.

 The other boys stood gaping at their fallen companion. Suddenly, the knives vanished from his body, and Sakuya stood in front of his corpse. She looked up at the boys, her once blue eyes glowing red, a grin spread across her face.

 She vanished again, and another boy fell to the ground, stabbed in the chest several times. At this, the remaining two boys turned and ran, shouting to their friends on the fence. Their friends turned just in time to see them fall on their faces with knives severing their spinal columns.

 The three that were left turned back just in time to see a knife headed for each of their heads, while Sakuya stood and watched.

-------------------------------

 Tears of adrenaline, joy, and hatred ran down Sakuya?s face as the last of her tormenters fell, knives embedded in their foreheads. She walked over to them and yanked out the bloodstained weapons, then proceeded to kick and stab their faces until they were unrecognizable. She shouted, cried, and filled each blow with hatred and anger.

 She finally fell to her knees and punched the concrete until her knuckles bled. She didn?t understand why she didn?t feel happy, why she didn?t feel liberated, why she felt like her chest was burning. She had finally killed the people who made her life such a hell. Wasn?t that enough?

 She ran back into the forest and left the bodies of the youths for someone else to discover. At least now they would have a reason to be afraid of her, to avoid walking on the same side of the street as her, to close their doors when she was in sight.

 At least now, with this power, they had a reason to hate her.

-------------------------------

 ?Remilia, do you realize what you did??

 A lavender-haired girl in pajamas looked sternly at Remilia, holding a book on her lap. They were sitting at a table, drinking tea.

 ?Patchouli, don?t worry about it. I only gave that girl a way to defend herself. Is that such a bad thing??

 ?She slaughtered seven people this morning.?

 Remilia nearly choked on her tea. Her red eyes were wide with shock. ?Wha?what? Where? Why??

 ?Apparently you underestimated her mental state. From what I heard, she mauled them until they were unrecognizable. They had to check dental records and fingerprints to find out the victims.?

 Remilia put her head in her hands. ?That wasn?t supposed to happen??

 ?Says the one who can control fate,? Patchouli mumbled, taking a sip of her tea. ?Look, you should go back and talk to her. Find out what her problem is, and if you need to, you?re strong enough to take the watch away from her. If all else fails, I?m sure your sister can provide enough leverage.?

 ?I?d rather it didn?t come to that.? Remilia stood up, wings extended. ?All right, I?ll go find her. Watch over the mansion while I?m gone.?

 ?I always do.?

 With that, Remilia flew out of the mansion, toward the town where Sakuya lived.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2010, 07:24:50 AM »
the little jerks deserved it. go sakuya!

Neonie

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2010, 07:53:42 AM »
the little jerks deserved it. go sakuya!

I think it was the ones that decided not to bother her that kind of pushed her over the edge there.

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2010, 12:35:47 PM »
Do they have dental records in Gensokyo? :V

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2010, 09:30:37 PM »
Thanks for the comments so far. :)

Do they have dental records in Gensokyo? :V

All the stuff that's happening right now is happening in the "real world", or, in other words, outside of Gensokyo. Probably in Europe, I would suppose, around the late 1800's/early 1900's.


 That night, the town church was packed with activity. In response to Sakuya?s retaliation, the local priest called a meeting, and nearly everyone in the town came. The priest ascended to the podium, where he raised his hands for silence.

 ?My beloved friends,? he began, ?we have come under attack many times in the past. Vampires, demons, poltergeists, all have attempted to threaten our town. Yet, through the grace of God, and with the skill of the Ruthven family, we have defended ourselves and prospered.?

 A cheer rose up from the crowd at the mention of the monster-hunting family. The priest raised his hands again to quiet the crowd.

 ?But now, through a cruel twist of fate, it seems that their only daughter, Carmilla, the sole survivor of the dreadful fire that took them from us, has been caught up in the arms of the Devil.? The priest now had to raise his voice over the angry shouts and hisses of the crowd. ?We gave her the benefit of the doubt, told ourselves that she was not responsible for the deaths of her beloved parents, but with this slaughter of our youth, we cannot hold our peace any longer. We must stand up for our rights as people of God. We must bring down this witch before she brings our town crashing down into Hell!?

 The townsfolk needed no more goading. With a unanimous cry, they took up any weapons they could find, lit lamps and torches, and stormed toward the park, hungry for the death of Sakuya.

-------------------------------------

 Meanwhile, Sakuya sat on the edge of a pond, her feet in the cool water. The fish nibbled at her toes as she contemplated what happened earlier that day.

 She had already washed the blood off her knives and clothes, but the images of the mauled and eviscerated boys wouldn?t leave her mind. She stared blankly at the water, watching the fish with her blue eyes.

 A thump behind Sakuya broke her thoughts, and she turned to see Remilia standing behind her. ?Oh, it?s you??

 Remilia could already tell that this would not be pleasant. She cleared her throat before beginning. ?I heard that there was a bit of an incident earlier today.?

 Sakuya stood up to face Remilia. She was easily two heads taller than the vampire, a fact that Sakuya took advantage of to try to intimidate her. ?If you hadn?t given me that pocket watch, then it wouldn?t have happened. It?s your own fault.?

 Remilia remained calm, though she noticed that Sakuya?s irises were turning red. ?But you?re the one who carried it out. I only intended for you to defend yourself, not kill people.?

 ?How can you be so damn calm about this?? Sakuya suddenly pulled out a knife and made a lunge for Remilia. ??you idiot!?

 The vampire leaped out of the way and landed on a nearby tree branch, out of Sakuya?s reach. ?Alright, so we were both wrong. Now calm down. Fighting isn?t going to get us anywhere. I came here to get the pocket watch back and see if I could help you in some other way.?

 Sakuya glared up at the vampire. ?You?ve already made things worse. I don?t need-? Remilia raised a finger to interrupt her, then pointed to an opening in the trees.

 From the opening, Sakuya could see firelight and the glint of metal, accompanied by a huge, shouting mob.

 ?Damn it,? Remilia hissed. ?I should have expected this.? She jumped out of the tree and landed next to Sakuya, then held her hand out to the girl. ?Come on. We need to get out of here.?

 ?Why should I come with you? If they?re after me, I could kill them easily-?

 ?There she is!? Remilia and Sakuya turned to see the priest pointing directly at them. A bullet sped by them, but missed.

 ?Where the hell is the pocket watch I gave you?? Remilia?s right hand began to glow red. ?Stop time or something!?

 Sakuya checked her pockets several times, but the watch was nowhere to be found. Another bullet shot by them, breaking the bark off a nearby tree. ?Hurry up and find it!?

 Remilia raised her hand, and a huge spear made of red energy formed in it. She took aim and threw it at the crowd, which it plowed through with ease.

 ?It?s her,? the priest shouted. ?The Scarlet Devil has come to her aid!?

 Sakuya ran back to the pond and dug through the glass. As she searched, a bullet shot through Remilia?s shoulder. The vampire grunted in pain, then threw another spear into the approaching crowd.

 Finally, Sakuya found the watch. She pressed the knob on top, but the crowd didn?t stop. They began moving slowly, as though they were going through water.

 ?Nothing is working today,? Remilia groaned. She grabbed Sakuya?s arm with her uninjured hand and shot into the air, pushing her wings with all her strength. As the crowd watched, Remilia carried Sakuya to her mansion on a distant hill.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2010, 10:07:10 PM »
This is great! Can't wait to read more!

MysTeariousYukari

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2010, 11:02:46 PM »
Jeez, yet another awesome story to read :D Honestly, with my limited computer time, the stories to read and my own story to update, I wish I had that pocket watch right about now :V

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2010, 05:55:14 AM »
 Patchouli jumped as the doors of the Scarlet Devil Mansion were thrown open by an abnormally tall, red-haired girl dressed in green Chinese clothes. The shock caused Patchouli to have a coughing fit, her asthma acting up again.

 ?Ah, s-sorry, Lady Patchouli,? the red-haired girl said apologetically. ?I just thought I should tell you that they?re back.?

 After about a minute, Patchouli stopped coughing. She cleared her throat before she replied. ?That?s good, I was getting wor-wait. What do you mean, ?they???

 ?The Mistress is carrying some white-haired girl with her. I assumed you knew who she was.?

 Patchouli?s palm instantly met her face with a slap. ?Yes. Yes, I know who she is, unfortunately. Thank you, Meiling.?

 Meiling nodded, then returned to her post, careful to close the door quietly this time.

--------------------

 Sakuya and Remilia landed at the front gate of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Remilia leaned against the gate, her wings drooping at her sides. ?If you?re going to stay, you?re going to have to learn how to fly,? she panted. ?I?m not carrying you everywhere like a sack of potatoes.?

 Sakuya couldn?t tell if the little vampire was being serious or joking. How could she learn how to fly, of all things? Admittedly, being able to control time was an unusual ability in and of itself, but still. Flying?

 She took her mind off the question and focused on the girl dressed in green Chinese clothes walking toward them. ?Who?s that??

 Remilia looked at the girl. She sighed and pushed herself into a standing position, then approached the girl. ?Good evening, Meiling.?

 Meiling bowed to Remilia, smiling. ?Good evening, milady. Who?s that you brought with you??

 Remilia motioned for Sakuya to join them. ?Meiling, this is our new guest, Sakuya Izayoi. Please make yourself acquainted with her while I go speak with Patchouli.?

 With that, Remilia walked past the two and entered the mansion. Meiling turned to look at Sakuya, beaming down at the girl. ?Hey, my name?s Meiling. Hong Meiling. Nice to meet ya.?

 Sakuya stared blankly at Meiling. ?Sakuya Izayoi.?

 ?Why?re ya so glum? I think you?ll like it here.?

 ?Sure??

 It was then that Meiling really noticed how Sakuya looked. Her slender body was covered by clothes that looked like they used to be quite beautiful, but which were now burned and torn. Her silver hair was matted and dirty, and dark rings formed under her eyes.

 I wonder what this poor girl has gone through, Meiling wondered.

--------------------

 ?Remilia??

 ?Yes, I know, Patchouli. You didn?t want me to bring her. It?s not like I had a choice, though.?

 Patchouli was busy going over Remilia?s wounds, using her magic to heal them and repair her clothes. ?We already have enough trouble as it is with attackers coming from the villages. We don?t need the youngest in a family of vampire hunters living with us.?

 Remilia winced as the bullets squeezed themselves out of her shoulder, landing on the ceramic tile floor with soft pinging noises. ?She doesn?t remember all that. If I can manipulate her fate so that she never remembers, then we should be fine.?

 ?I?m not willing to take that chance, Remilia. Your parents left me with the task of keeping you and your sister safe, and I?m going to ensure that I do exactly that. Letting this girl live here is a risk to the safety of this entire household. And not just from her directly; what if the villages come here to bring her back or kill her? And, by extension, to kill us??

 ?We can handle them,? Remilia mumbled. ?Give her a chance. She?s in the same position that we?re in.?

 Patchouli sighed once she finished healing the little vampire. ??fine. But if anything happens, I?ll hold you responsible.?

 Remilia grinned, looking up at her friend. ?Thanks, Patchy.? She gave the magician a hug, which only reached Patchouli?s waist. A small smile grew on the magician's face.

--------------------

 Sakuya and Meiling turned as Remilia and Patchouli walked out of the mansion. ?Alright, you?ll be staying here from now on,? Remilia said, going up to Sakuya. ?I?ll show you to your room.? The silver-haired girl nodded and followed the vampire into the mansion.

 When they left, Patchouli turned to Meiling. ?I would suggest that you keep a close watch tonight. We might have?visitors.?

 Meiling nodded in understanding. ?No problem, Lady Patchouli. Good night.?

 Patchouli nodded and returned to her home in the mansion?s giant library. She likely wouldn?t sleep, as usual. Too many books to read.

--------------------

 The door creaked on its hinges as Remilia pushed it open, revealing the maid?s chambers. The light from the candle Remilia held illuminated the dusty room. She walked over to one of the wall sconces and lit the aged candles. ?I apologize. This is the only extra bedroom, and we haven?t had a maid in quite some time.?

 Remilia turned to see Sakuya already sitting on the bed, running her hand along the silky covers. ??it?s nice.?

 Remilia smiled, her fangs glinting in the candlelight. ?I?ll let you get some rest, then. It?s been a long day. Tomorrow you?ll get a tour of the mansion.?

 Sakuya remained silent, looking at the patterns of the blanket. After a moment of silence, Remilia turned and walked back to the door. She said a brief ?good night? before she closed the door behind her.

 Sakuya lay on her side, sinking into the soft pillows and mattress. She watched the shadows cast by the candlelight play against the opposite wall as she slowly fell asleep.

Even if this is a dream...even if none of this is really happening?
 
 ?thank you.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2010, 05:46:55 AM by Squidtentacle »
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2010, 05:30:19 AM »
 Sakuya woke up the next morning with her eyes firmly closed. She knew everything the day before was a dream. It had to be. That was the only logical explanation. She couldn?t control time, she didn?t kill anyone, vampires don?t really exist, and the town wasn?t trying to hunt her down and kill her.

 But she silently wished that it had been true. She wished that she wasn?t any longer the lonely, feared girl who hated everyone. She could have been part of a family again, cared for by others who knew what it was like to be shunned and hated.

 Well, no point in dreaming. She had to face another day, whether she wanted to or not. She opened her eyes finally, and saw?the maid?s room. She was in the maid?s room.

 Sakuya sat up and looked around. Yes, it was definitely that same room that she fell asleep in last night. But if she was here, then that meant-

 A knock on the door interrupted Sakuya?s train of thought. It was a delicate knock, as if the person on the other side didn?t want to upset her. ?Come in,? Sakuya called, rather weakly.

 The door creaked open, and another girl peeked out from around the door. She had long red hair, and a pair of small bat wings emerged from the sides of her head. She smiled sweetly at Sakuya, a genuine, warm smile.

 ?Good morning, Miss Izayoi!? Her voice was sweet, almost otherworldly. Well, she obviously wasn?t human; the wing-ears ruled out that prospect.

 She stepped, almost bounced, into the room, still smiling like she was Sakuya?s best friend here for a visit. Her outfit looked like a black business suit and skirt, complete with a red tie. A pair of bat wings grew from her lower back. ?My name is Koakuma,? she continued. ?It?s a pleasure to meet you.?

 Sakuya nodded silently back to her. Why was this Koakuma so?sickeningly cheerful?

 Koakuma was unperturbed by Sakuya?s lack of a response. ?I?m currently the head?well, the only servant here in the Scarlet Devil Mansion, but from what I hear, you will take up the position of head maid. Isn?t that exciting??

 Again, Sakuya remained silent.

 ?Today I will be giving you a tour of the mansion. But first, why don?t we get you some breakfast??

 She was still smiling. Why was she still smiling?

 At the mention of breakfast, however, Sakuya?s stomach began to groan. When was the last time she ate? ??that would be nice.? she replied.

 Sakuya slid out of bed and followed Koakuma out of the maid?s chambers, through the vast corridors of the mansion, and down to the dining room.

 There she was greeted by Remilia and Patchouli, already enjoying their breakfast at opposite ends of the table. Remilia was daintily eating some kind of red cake and tea, while Patchouli had a mug of coffee in front of her, her nose firmly buried in a book of some kind. Remilia looked up from her cake and smiled at Sakuya. ?Ah, good morning. I see you have already met Koakuma. Please, have a seat.? Remilia indicated a chair between her and Patchouli. ?Koakuma, please bring our guest some food.?

 The demon girl nodded and flew off to prepare breakfast. As she left, Sakuya carefully pulled out the chair Remilia invited her to and joined the two of them.

 ?I trust you slept well?? Remilia took a sip of her tea, her red eyes focused on Sakuya. Only now did she realize how disheveled the girl looked. Her clothes were torn, her short, silver hair was messy. After the tour, she would definitely need some tidying up.

 ?Yes, thank you,? Sakuya replied.

 ?Good. As I?m sure you were told, you will be filling in the position of head maid. Koakuma is spread rather thin, being the only servant we have for work around the mansion. Your ability to control time and space will come in very handy in that position, and Patchouli will help you learn to use and control that ability.?

 Patchouli coughed quietly at that and gave Remilia a look.

 The vampire took another sip of tea and continued, ignoring her friend?s disapproval. ?Also, while I would like you to start as soon as possible, there is one rule I need to inform you of.? Remilia put down her teacup and looked directly into Sakuya?s eyes.

 ?Do not, under any circumstances, go into the basement. Koakuma will tend to that part of the mansion until you have been here for long enough. Do you understand??

 ?Yes, I do,? Sakuya replied. What could possibly be so dangerous in the basement? Or maybe it wasn?t dangerous, just a secret Remilia wanted kept safe until she knew she could trust Sakuya.

 ?Good,? Remilia replied, returning to her meal. At that point, Koakuma returned with a steaming plate of scrambled eggs, toast, and two kinds of jam on the side. She set it down in front of Sakuya, whose eyes widened in hunger. She wasted no time in wolfing down the meal, putting aside all decency.

 Remilia watched with a twinge of disgust. ?We?ll need to work on your etiquette??
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Neonie

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2010, 03:26:55 PM »
Hmhm, Koakuma is such an underused character most of the time, glad to see someones finally putting her to use.

flamezero16

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #13 on: September 04, 2010, 04:43:45 PM »
Awesome update is awesome. Neonie has the right idea on Koa. Good job squidy~

RainfallYoshi

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #14 on: September 04, 2010, 07:52:51 PM »
I love your take on Patchouli and Remilia's relationship. I had never imagined it, but Patchouli being a caretaker to the Scarlet sisters just feels really natural now that you've written a little of it. I double approve.

MysTeariousYukari

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2010, 11:03:33 PM »
Quote
The Perfect, Elegant Maid

I approve of this story massively, even more then before! Seriously, this story is great! Why is it that pretty much everyone wirtes better stories then me? I feel like a :fail: writer compared to stories like this.

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #16 on: September 06, 2010, 03:58:22 PM »
I approve of this story massively, even more then before! Seriously, this story is great! Why is it that pretty much everyone wirtes better stories then me? I feel like a :fail: writer compared to stories like this.
Aw, don't feel like that. People are always much more critical of their own work. I haven't read your stories yet, but I'm sure they're just as good as you think mine is.


 After breakfast, Patchouli and Remilia returned to their rooms. As Sakuya watched, Koakuma removed the used dishes and napkins and carried them off into the kitchen, setting them down on the counter for later cleaning. ?I?ll show you how to do these some other time,? she said to Sakuya. ?Right now we have a mansion to tour!?

 Again with that smile, that sweet, friendly, warm smile. Sakuya nodded, her face still as blank as it had been when she arrived at the mansion.

 With that, Koakuma led Sakuya through the Scarlet Devil Mansion, telling her all about anything they passed. They went through the main hall, where Koakuma talked about the different antiques scattered around. They walked through the many corridors, stopping at the gigantic portraits of the Scarlet family line interspersed throughout, including one of Remilia?s dearly departed parents. Finally, they entered the Voile library, where Koakuma and Patchouli stayed.

 It was a single, impossibly large room, easily as big as the entire mansion. It was quite dark, lit by hundreds upon hundreds of candles floating in the air at regular intervals. Towering bookcases that seemed to stretch for miles lined the floor, and the ones that couldn?t fit on the floor floated in the air. A giant, iron pendulum, presumably from the clock tower on the roof of the mansion, swung slowly from side to side, filling the vast room with its deep, echoing clangs.

 Sakuya was speechless. She had seen many things since her encounter with Remilia, but this?this was something else altogether.

 Koakuma noticed that Sakuya had stopped to gape at the library. She giggled quietly. ?Yes, it?s amazing, isn?t it? I was just as surprised as you were when Lady Patchouli summoned me here.? She patted the slightly taller girl on the shoulder to get her attention again. ?Come on, I?ll take you to Patchouli and then you can ask her anything you want.?

 They continued through the labyrinth of bookshelves and books, Koakuma talking about all the different kinds of books from all over the world that Patchouli and she had gathered over the years. Sakuya noticed that, even though all the pathways looked the same to her, Koakuma never faltered in her pace or stopped to figure out where she was going. She must have walked this path for several years now.

 Finally, they reached a clearing equipped with several book-laden tables. Patchouli sat at one of them, and she looked up from the book she was reading when she heard the clack of Koakuma?s shoes. ?Ah, good afternoon,? she said, standing up. ?Finished with the tour??

 Koakuma nodded and bowed to Patchouli. ?Yes, I just came to drop Miss Izayoi off with you.?

 ?Thank you, Koakuma. You can leave us, now.? With another bow, Koakuma left the two of them together.

 Patchouli coughed quietly as she floated over to Sakuya, her slippered feet dragging along the tile floor. Her sleepy eyes looked down at the silver-haired girl. While she was floating, Sakuya?s forehead was at her eye level, but if she stood with her feet planted on the floor, Sakuya would be slightly taller.

 Patchouli coughed again before she spoke. ?I trust you are familiar with the function of that watch Remilia gave you??

 Sakuya nodded. ?It lets me control time.?

 ?And space,? Patchouli added. ?In fact, that watch is the reason this library can maintain its size in this mansion. It will be a helpful ability when you have to clean these large spaces.?

 Surprised, Sakuya took out her pocket watch and looked at it. How could something that seemed so mundane be so powerful?

 The magician turned her back to Sakuya and floated back to her table, taking a seat again. ?I understand that Remilia gave you that watch. Do you know why??

 Sakuya shook her head. ?She just showed up and gave it to me?

 ?Hm.? Patchouli returned to the book she had been reading. ?Well, I hope that you will meet our expectations as a maid. Koakuma will be limiting her work to the library after you get the hang of your new job, so you won?t need to do any work here. But, of course, feel free to stop by if you are in need of reading material.? Patchouli called for Koakuma, and after a minute the demon girl popped up from behind a bookcase. Without looking up from her book, Patchouli said, ?You can go ahead and take her now. We?re done for the day.?

 Koakuma bowed and led Sakuya out of the library, striking up a conversation with her about how they needed to get Sakuya tidied up, and how the gate guard was a surprisingly good hairdresser.

 Patchouli picked up the mug of coffee sitting on the table and took a gentle sip. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, enjoying the steady thoom, thoom of the pendulum.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2010, 04:00:39 PM by Squidtentacle »
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

RainfallYoshi

  • Yoshi of Skies & Rains
  • Who is it that calls for me?
Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #17 on: September 08, 2010, 01:09:30 AM »
You paint an awesome picture of the library. It really does sound amazing. I don't get how Patchouli can spend 24/7 reading though, I'd get a serious migraine after awhile!

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #18 on: September 09, 2010, 03:58:30 AM »
 After their encounter with Patchouli, Sakuya and Koakuma returned to the maid?s chambers. Koakuma opened the closet and brought out a maid uniform, still strangely fresh.
 
 The demon girl noticed Sakuya?s surprised look. ?Lady Patchouli put a spell on it to avoid the effects of aging. It hasn?t been worn in a few decades, not since the last maid passed away.? She handed the outfit to Sakuya, then ushered the girl into the bathroom. ?Come on, we?ll get you cleaned up now.?

----------------------

 A few minutes later, Sakuya emerged from the bathroom looking much better than when she went in. The outfit fit her perfectly, and her skin and hair had a clean sheen to them. She pulled the edges of the blue skirt that reached her knees, a bit unused to the length.

 ?There,? Koakuma said, smiling as usual. ?Much better. Now, let?s go visit Meiling.?

----------------------

 Meiling leaned against the wall next to the gate, her arms folded over her chest. It was a nice day. The sun was out, the breeze was blowing the scent of the garden?s beautifully varied flowers over to her, and turtledoves had decided to frolic in the trees near the mansion. She could feel the warm Qi of all the things around her, their life force becoming one with hers. Sometimes it made her wonder why people feared the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

 Meiling?s thoughts were interrupted by a call from behind the gate. ?Meiling, I have a visitor for you!? She recognized it as Koakuma, and she turned to look back into the gate. There she saw Koakuma walking out of the mansion, followed by Sakuya, now much cleaner than when they first met and wearing a maid?s outfit. Meiling grinned at them as they approached. ?Hey, you look good, Sakuya!?

 The new maid remained expressionless. ?Thank you,? she said quietly.

 Koakuma stopped at the gate, looking up at the significantly taller gate guard. ?I brought her over so that you could do something about her hair. I washed it, so you get to style it.?

 Sakuya was a bit annoyed that she didn?t get much say in the matter. They just decided to do with her hair what they would.

 ?Sure thing,? Meiling replied, cracking her knuckles. Sakuya stepped back a bit, worried at the guard?s show of force over a simple hairstyle. Meiling chuckled sheepishly, her hand on the back of her neck. ?Sorry, didn?t mean to scare you. I?m not gonna break anything, don?t worry.?

 Koakuma giggled, enjoying the antics of the two of them. ?Alright, I?ll leave you to it. I?m sure you two will get along well.? With that, she returned to the mansion.

 Meiling ushered Sakuya through the gate and sat her down on the stool Meiling occasionally used when she was feeling tired. She brought a pair of scissors out of her pocket, removed the maid headdress Sakuya wore, and got to work.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #19 on: September 15, 2010, 12:21:41 AM »
(Sorry for the delay. Blasted college.)

 Sakuya sat perfectly still as the gate guard worked with her hair. She looked straight ahead at the view of the countryside, a beautiful view from the hilltop the Scarlet Devil Mansion sat upon. She could feel her hair steadily being snipped and shaped, but Meiling seemed to be keeping the front longer.

 ?So,? Meiling began, ?what do you think of the mansion so far??

 ?It?s?large.? Sakuya didn?t know what to say. All of this was happening so quickly. Only yesterday, she was running for her life with Remilia, and now she was being introduced to a world she knew couldn?t possibly exist.

 Meiling chuckled a bit at the simple description. ?It?s alright, I was pretty amazed myself when I first got here. You?ll get used to it.?

 ?Where did you come from?? Sakuya noticed a hint of an accent in Meiling?s voice. It sounded Eastern, obviously nowhere near their current European location.

 ?I?m from China,? the guard replied. ?I wandered around and trained for most of my life, though. I?d stop by towns here and there to pick up food and stuff, but otherwise I stayed on my own. Eventually I kinda just wandered my way here and met Remilia.?

 Meiling seemed to be almost finished. She set down the scissors she was using and moved around to Sakuya?s front, where she started braiding two sections of hair that she had kept long. It was then that Sakuya noticed that Meiling had that same pair of braids as well.

 Meiling noticed Sakuya staring at her braids. She grinned slightly. ?Thought you might be feeling a little out of place, being the only human here and such. So I figured we could share this, so you at least have something in common with someone here.?

 Sakuya was still quiet. Everyone here was so kind. Remilia, Koakuma, Meiling?even Patchouli, expressionless though she was. Sakuya had grown so used to being alone and taunted. It was a strange feeling to know that someone actually cared how she felt. That someone was trying to make sure she was comfortable and happy.

 Meiling tied the two braids with a single green bow each and replaced Sakuya?s headdress. She stood up and, with a flourish, produced a hand mirror and held it up to Sakuya?s face. ?Ta-da! Whaddya think? Good? Bad??

 The maid looked up at her reflection. Her silver hair now stopped halfway down her neck, and the two braids, identical to Meiling?s, reached past her shoulders.

 Tears formed in her eyes, and for the first time she could remember, Sakuya smiled out of happiness.

 She stood up and hugged the noticeably-taller Meiling, who stumbled a bit before awkwardly patting Sakuya on the back. ?Uh?so?I guess you like it, then??

 Sakuya let go and stepped back, wiping her eyes. ?Y-yes. Thank you, Meiling.?

 Meiling grinned broadly at the maid and held out a hand to her. ?So?are we friends, Miss Izayoi??

 Sakuya shook Meiling?s hand and smiled back up at her. ?Yes, we are.?

----------------

 Remilia watched the two of them from her bedroom window, her chin resting on her fist as she lounged on the sofa under the window. She smiled, her fangs glinting. She knew Meiling would be able to get through to Sakuya. Koakuma likely wore down her barriers, but Meiling was the final blow to breach the gate.

 A knock at the door. ?Come in,? Remilia called.

 Patchouli entered, hovering lazily above the floor as usual. ?Meiling and Sakuya have become fast friends,? Remilia said, not looking away from the pair. ?Fate weaves its threads in strange patterns, doesn?t it??

 Patchouli coughed quietly in response. She took a seat next to Remilia, folding her hands over her lap. ?It would be more accurate to say that you weave Fate?s threads in strange patterns.?

 The little vampire giggled and plopped herself down on the sofa, bouncing slightly as she did. ?Come on, Patchy. You can?t have a maid who?s unfriendly to her co-workers. I?m just making sure she loosens up, knows she has friends.?

 Patchouli?s lavender eyes narrowed slightly as she looked away from Remilia. ?I simply wonder why you would do that with a complete stranger, yet you ensure that your own sister is as isolated as possible.?

 A sudden change came across Remilia?s face. She became very serious, no longer her childish self of a minute ago. ?I don?t want to talk about that, Patchouli. You know why we have to keep her there.?

 ?She?s just as sorry as you are for what she did. It broke her, Remilia, and your own panic only pushed her even more. All she wants is to know that her sister still knows she exists, if not that she still loves her. She?s been down there for centuries, and how many times have you gone to see her? Twenty, at best??

 ?Patchouli, that?s enough??

 The magician turned to look at Remilia. ?You?ve had time and experience to learn about what you are now. And yet, you?re making her food look like tea and cake, and Koakuma tells me that she?s been wondering why she hasn?t grown an inch in all these years.?

 ?That?s enough, Patchouli,? Remilia snapped. She extended her bat wings and flew over to her four post bed, where she sat with her hands on her head, curled into a small ball. A position that Patchouli knew meant that Remilia would not talk to her any time soon. Patchouli stood again and floated over to Remilia. She put an arm around the little vampire?s shaking shoulders. She really was still just a child, even after all these years?

 Patchouli began to sing to Remilia. The vampire?s mother used to sing it to Remilia when she was younger, and it usually calmed her.

 "Fr?re Jacques, fr?re Jacques,
Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?
Sonnez les matines! Sonnez les matines!
Din, dan, don. Din, dan, don."

  She repeated it until Remilia?s shoulders stopped shaking. The two of them sat in silence for a while, alone in the darkness of the vampire?s bedroom.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #20 on: September 15, 2010, 03:54:11 AM »
This story is changing, fullfilling and completing my view of Sakuya and the SDM as a whole like you can't imagine.

One question though, are you French? :3
I used to have that song singed to me all the time when I was a child, in equal ammounts of the French and the Portuguese versions.
I can't really remember the Portuguese version right now, and only remembered the French after reading it. It's now playing in my head, and will be for quite some time, thanks
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #21 on: September 15, 2010, 04:39:05 AM »
I'm not French, but my mother learned the language and taught it to me. She'd sing that song to me a lot when I was young, and since Remilia and Flandre are French, I figured I'd throw it in there. :V

I'm glad you're all enjoying it so far. I'm aiming to make it as unique as possible while sticking to what canon provides. What with college, though, I'll be updating erratically.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Aterisk

  • アタリスク・アイダロ
  • 男は僕の心を素早く盗みます。
Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #22 on: September 15, 2010, 04:55:00 AM »
You have received 1 Atty seal of approval :D

http://i39.tinypic.com/flga9w.png

ArteShy

  • Sure you're straight dash....
  • ...I totally believe you
Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #23 on: September 16, 2010, 08:10:46 PM »
HAVE! A ! COOKIE!

No really, this is amazing story. Continue please!

MysTeariousYukari

  • Nomnomnom~
  • Hooray~
Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #24 on: September 16, 2010, 11:04:10 PM »
HAVE! A ! COOKIE!

No really, this is amazing story. Continue please!

^ This + Charismatic Congrats~

RainfallYoshi

  • Yoshi of Skies & Rains
  • Who is it that calls for me?
Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #25 on: September 16, 2010, 11:07:46 PM »
This is officially my favorite depiction of the SDM gang. I said it once but I really, really love the relationship of Patchy and Remilia you have going on here. Patchy is  like a harsh but loving parent.

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #26 on: September 19, 2010, 05:43:08 PM »
(Wow, thanks, guys. I really was not expecting such a good reaction to this at all. :3 )

 The rest of the day passed quickly for Sakuya. Most of it was taken up with Koakuma teaching her various maid-related things, like doing the dishes, cooking meals, making tea, and so on. Dinner was served at seven PM, and everyone in the mansion sat and ate at the large dining table. Remilia sat at the head, Patchouli and Koakuma to her right, and Sakuya and Meiling to her left.

 They ate, talked about the events of the day, laughed, remarked at how well Meiling did Sakuya?s hair, arranged for Sakuya to train with Meiling and Patchouli when she had the time, and went on for a couple of hours in this fashion until Koakuma and Sakuya took the dishes away and everyone went their separate ways.

 Once the dishes were gathered, Koakuma put together what looked like a slice of red velvet cake and a cup of the same red tea that Remilia drank. She placed them on a serving tray and turned to Sakuya. ?Sakuya, I need to go to the basement for a little while. Do you mind taking care of the dishes by yourself??

 The maid nodded, and Koakuma left her to her work.

 Sakuya quietly did the dishes in the candlelight of the kitchen, contemplating everything that happened today. She was happy here, in this place where it seemed everyone was happy. She wondered what tomorrow would be like. Her first training sessions with Meiling and Patchouli, and her first day working?

 After a while, she finished, but Koakuma still hadn?t returned. Sakuya decided to return to her room and retire for the night, but just as she opened the kitchen door, she almost bumped into the little demon.

 ?Oh, Sakuya, are you finished?? Sakuya noticed that the tray Koakuma was carrying was empty. So there was something living in the basement?

 ?Yes, Koakuma. Will you need anything else??

 ?No, thank you. I?ll see you in the morning.? Koakuma smiled warmly and moved past Sakuya into the kitchen.

 A few minutes later, Sakuya returned to her room and found a nightgown folded on her bed, probably left there by Koakuma while Meiling was doing her hair. She changed into it and hung her uniform on the door, then lay in bed and quickly fell asleep.

  That night, Sakuya dreamt of many things, but never did the nightmare of her burning family return to her. In a mansion filled with monsters, she was finally at peace.

-----------------------

 The next morning, Sakuya woke up early to help Koakuma prepare breakfast. She changed into her uniform and headed for the kitchen, but the little demon wasn?t there yet.

 Sakuya shrugged and took the time to familiarize herself with the room. The gas stove, enameled for easier cleaning; the various spices and cooking ingredients in the cabinets; the stainless steel utensils, pots, and pans.

 Finally, she opened a closet off to the side, and her eyes widened at the sight of what was inside.

 The small closet was filled by a large, iron tank. A small, controlled fire burned under it, and Sakuya could hear the pumping of pistons from inside. Pipes snaked through the room, and everything had the strange smell of blood and iron.

 ?Ah, so you?ve found the blood container??

 Sakuya turned to see Koakuma behind her. ?Oh. Good morning, Koakuma.?

 ?Good morning.? The little demon smiled at Sakuya. ?That?s where we keep the blood for the mistresses. The fire keeps it at body temperature, and the pumps circulate it so that it doesn?t stagnate.?

I guess that?s easier than going out hunting every night, Sakuya thought.

 ?Alright, let?s get started with breakfast.? Koakuma closed the closet door and moved over to the cabinets, where she started pulling out eggs, potatoes, sausages, and tea leaves.

--------------------

 Several minutes later, the inhabitants of the Scarlet Devil Mansion were sitting at the dining table for breakfast. They sat in their usual configuration, eating more quietly than the night before.

 Remilia broke the silence once she finished her tea. ?So, Sakuya, today you will be following Koakuma around the house and helping her with work. At noon, you will go to Patchouli for an hour to learn magic and how to control your watch. Then, at one, you will go to Meiling for an hour for physical combat training. Afterward, you can return to any duties that come up for the rest of the day. This will be your schedule for the next couple of weeks, then Koakuma will move to the Voile Library and you will be in charge of taking care of the rest of the mansion.?

 Sakuya nodded. ?Yes, milady.? She was already filling in her position quite well, and it was only her first day of work.

 With that, Koakuma and Sakuya cleared the table and everyone went for their individual activities. Sakuya noticed Meiling give her a grin and a thumbs-up as she left.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2010, 06:25:11 PM by Squidecagon »
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

flamezero16

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Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #27 on: September 19, 2010, 05:45:12 PM »
(Wow, thanks, guys. I really was not expecting such a good reaction to this at all. :3 )

Shut up Squidy, your awesome and you know it >=O

Good job as well~

Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #28 on: September 20, 2010, 01:39:13 PM »
This is very cool.
I have...a terrible need...shall I say the word?...of religion. Then I go out at night and paint the stars.

MysTeariousYukari

  • Nomnomnom~
  • Hooray~
Re: The Perfect, Elegant Maid
« Reply #29 on: September 20, 2010, 06:59:50 PM »
Oh Squid, so modest :) This story is great! You really do great writing! I hope you keep this up ^_^