I blame KimikoMuffin for this.
As you probably all know, KimikoMuffin is known for his shipping on his webcomic
Touhou Nekokayou, to the point that he actually built a
Random Shipping Generator. Now, the whole thing is silly, especially since you can get some pretty cracky pairings.
So, how much fun would it be to actually WRITE the pairings?
I've been trying to get back into writing for the past three years, but it's been going pretty rough. So, I figured that by getting some practice in, I'll eventually get off my lazy butt and do something more productive. Plus, I have a harder time sticking to longer term projects, so why not write some things that would only work for a one shot?
In order to make it easier to navigate, I'm going to put links to the individual stories here:
1.
Senshei!2.
Spirit Weakness3.
Blood Flows Drudgingly As Though It Were A Corpse, Part OneAnyways, so here begins my attempts at Random Shipping. So let's see who the first contestant is:
Chen ? Keine Kamishirasawa
Well, that's interesting. Let's go!
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?And that?s the end of class for this week,? Keine ended the lecture, much to the delight of her students. ?This week?s homework,? cheers quickly turned into groans, then moans and yelps as the schoolteacher flicked chalk pieces at the offenders, not even pausing in her statement, ?is to write an essay about your family or close friends. Remember, we?re looking for proper grammar and spelling, so if you need help, I?m always available.? As the usual scuffle to escape the classroom began, she added, ?Oh, Chen, could you come see me for a few moments??
The nekomata?s tails stiffened as the other youkai girls tittered and jeered, before fleeing from Keine?s renewed chalk assault. Soon, the only ones left were Chen and the teacher, who had a gentle smile as she sat on a cushion seiza-style. ?Don?t worry, you?re not in trouble,? she assured the kitten, patting a cushion in front of her, ?I just wanted to talk to you for a bit.? Reluctantly, Chen sat down, hunched like a cat with her hands and feet on the floor, knees sticking out and forcing her red dress to not do its job properly. ?I noticed that you haven?t been acting as energetic for the last few weeks, and I was worried. Are you feeling all right? Also, sit properly, or at least cross legged.?
Chen frowned as she repositioned herself, making her at least look presentable. ?I?m doin? all right, but?? the nekomata trailed off. Keine just waited patiently, knowing that Chen wouldn?t hold back once she knew someone was interested in what she had to say. After a few moments, her tails twitching in agitation, the nekomata broke down. ?Well, Ran-shama?s been acting weird lately.?
?Weird?? Keine frowned. ?Weird how?? Since the fake Moon incident, Keine had gotten to know the Yakumos a little, thanks to her tutoring of the younger youkai every week. She knew that Ran was very protective and caring of her shikigami, and that she was also a very powerful shikigami herself. If there was an incident that was about to happen, and Ran was involved?
?Dunno, just? weird. Weirder than usual, really. Like, she?s always following me around, and watchin? me. And she acts really funny when I talk to her, or hug her. She gets these nosebleeds, too! Like,
VWOOSH!? Chen accentuated with her arms, imitating a geyser. ?And it was pretty funny, then kinda scary ?cause she was losing lots an? lots of blood. Then it got funny again, cause Yukari-sama made her clean it up and there was lots of it everywhere.?
?And then she just kinda keeps watching me, and she touches me, too. I mean, I like that an? all, because I like being rubbed and scratched, and she can scratch really good right behind my ear, but she does it a lot now, and in weird places, which ain?t all bad, I guess. And she?s always making me take baths, which I
really hate, and she never had me do that before, and then she washes me even though I keep telling her that I can do it myself. Though, I guess she saw through me, cause I wouldn?t?? she muttered quietly.
?Anyways, and then she keeps sneaking into my room at bedtime, but then again I did that all the time before, so I guess that?s fair, but I?m old enough to? what?s with that scary look, sensei?? the nekomata broke off, blinking at the blue haired teacher, whose smile seemed forced, and had suddenly developed a tic at her eyebrow.
?Oh, nothing that you need to worry yourself about, Chen,? Keine replied, voice strained. ?I just realized that I have a few things to discuss with your ?guardian?.? Chen blinked innocently.
?Huh? Like wha-?
The door to the classroom slid open, and a tall blonde woman with a white stocking hat stuck her head inside, a few golden fox tails waving behind her. ?Ah, sorry for being so late, Chen! The mistress was fooling around, so I had to reign her in a- what?s with that scary look, Keine-sensei??
Several minutes later, Ran was sitting where Chen was before and Chen was sent off to play somewhere. The nine-tailed kitsune thought it was pretty amazing: she had a millennia of age and at least half a head on the teacher (her bizarre pagoda hat
almost making up the difference), and yet she still felt like a mischievous kit being told off. She could practically feel the hostility rolling off of Keine as the teacher served tea, even though her face was as blank as stone.
Carefully sipping at her tea, Keine watched (glared, Ran?s mind substituted) her guest. ?So, I hear that you?re close to Chen?? she asked (accused!) in an even tone.
Sweating, Ran took a gulp of the tea, wincing as the scalding liquid nearly went down the wrong pipe. ?Er, yeah. She
is my shikigami, as you know.?
?Indeed, and that makes you responsible for her wellbeing and her growth as a person,? Keine said, setting down her tea cup. ?That necessitates close contact and love, I would think, but,? her voice grew harsher as she stared at the wilting shikigami, ?there
is such thing as too
much love. There is a point where your displays of affection for Chen reach inappropriate levels!?
Ran, though cowed, felt flames of anger rise at her accusation. ?How dare you! What gives you the right to judge how-?
?As her teacher, I have a say in Chen?s development!? Keine interrupted in a booming voice, instantly quieting the kitsune. ?Leering at your ward, touching her inappropriately, invading her personal space in the bath and at bed! How is
that supposed to help her develop as a responsible adult??
Ran winced at her cutting remarks. ?Well, the photos could probably show her development?? the kitsune muttered under her breath, before her eyes widened and she clapped her hand over her mouth. Her eyes twitched up to the teacher, who now
loomed over the chagrined kitsune.
There was a pregnant silence in the room, and Ran swore that the nineball was hiding somewhere nearby, what with the almost sub zero chill in the room, when Keine noisily stood up. ?That?s it. You leave me no other choice, Ran Yakumo,? the teacher announced. ?Chen will stay with me from now on.? Shocked, Ran tried to voice an objection, but Keine continued on. ?With you barely able to restrain yourself, I fear for Chen? safety around you. At this rate, you may end up doing something unspeakable to her, destroying both of you!? A few moments passed, and Keine?s expression softened at seeing Ran?s distraught expression. ?Ran, I really think that the two of you need to spend some time apart. If not for yourself, then at least for Chen?s sake.?
Ran stared at Keine, quivering slightly, before exhaling noisily. ?May? maybe you?re right. For Chen?s sake,? she mumbled, taking a sip from her cooling tea cup. After a few moments of reflection, she barked a laugh. ?I guess I
have been getting too obsessive about Chen, huh?? Standing up, she folded her hands into her robe sleeves. ?So, I?ll return home and bring some of Chen?s things to your place, then?? she asked, voice shaking a bit. Keine smiled at the kitsune.
?That would be wonderful. I think a month should be a good amount of time?? An odd mixture of relief and fear rolled across Ran?s face, before she nodded weakly back at the teacher. ?Well, then I?ll let Chen know.? Ran nodded again, before exiting the classroom. When she left, Keine released a sigh.
?That Ran, she really has it bad,? she muttered to herself, before heading off to track down the nekomata. ?A month with Chen? that?s probably not my best idea?? Keine could only imagine how chaotic living with the rambunctious kitten would be like. ?Ah, oh well. What?s the worst that could happen??
"We're home!" Keine said as she stepped through the door, holding a bag packed with Chen's clothes. Slipping off her shoes, she looked over her shoulder at Chen, who trudged along carrying another bag and a large fox patterned pillow, shoulders slumped and tails limp. "Now, don't be so glum, Chen."
"I wanna be with Ran-shama," the nekomata grumbled moodily. The teacher sighed, and leaned over Chen.
"Myself and Ran-san agreed that the two of you need to spend some time apart," Keine lectured, then rubbed Chen's head, knocking her hat slightly askew. "Besides, it's only a month; it could be fun! And you'll be closer to your friends, so you can play with them more often!" Chen perked up slightly, and begin taking off her shoes, before Keine stopped her. "Ah, don't forget to say, 'I'm home'!"
The nekomata blinked at her a few times, then smiled brightly. "I'm home!" The energy that she shouted that phrase with caught Keine off guard, and she had to take a step back, blinking at her new charge.
"W-welcome home," she replied, then composed herself. "Anyways, my house is small, so I don't have a guest room. So, we'll be sharing a room; I'm used to having Mokou over from time to time, so it should be big enough for the two of us." With that, Chen bounded off into the house. Keine watched her leave with a smile on her face.
"Well, I guess I can't really blame Ran too much; she really is adorable."
Keine was in the middle of cutting vegetables when she heard the door slide open. "Sensei, I'm ho~me!" Chen sang out, the pattering of bare feet growing louder.
"Welcome home! Don't run in the-" Keine reminded the nekomata, before getting a good look at Chen's face. "Chen! You're filthy!"
The nekomata, face grimy and dirty, had a devil may care grin. "Yep! We had a wrestling match! Wriggle was pretty good, and Cirno cheated with her ice, but they were no match for my kung fu!" the shikigami exclaimed, posing and shadow boxing.
Keine had an odd look on her face, trying to decide if she wanted to be amused or exasperated. "Isn't using kung-fu in a wrestling match a little unfair?" she asked as she wetted a washcloth in order to clean off Chen's face. The little nekomata squirmed as the teacher rubbed off all of the grime, her expression not dissimilar to a put off cat. Keine couldn't help but think that the eye squinting, frowny face was adorable.
"Well, Cirno cheated first!" When Keine released her grip, Chen retreated out of the teacher's reach. "Is food ready?"
"Just about," Keine replied, washing out the rag. "Wash your hands and have a seat at the table. We're having ayu tonight." At the mention of fish, Chen's eyes sparkled in delight, and she rushed forward to wrap Keine in a hug.
"Yay! I can't wait!" With that, Chen bounded off to get ready for dinner, leaving a slightly startled Keine. Slowly, the teacher put her hand to her cheek.
"Ah. My face is warm..."
"Sensei~, I don't really get this." Keine smiled at Chen as the nekomata sat at the kotatsu, glaring holes into the papers in front of her.
"Well, Chen, you look at this and..." as the school teacher went into lecturing mode, she couldn't help but marvel at how well Chen had been doing in school since the little youkai moved in with her. Granted, Chen's math skills had always been excellent, mostly likely thanks to having a mathematical genius as a master, but her grammar skills had been steadily improving as well. Unfortunately, Chen had no head for history, which Keine really found to be a shame: she found it to be a shame that people didn't take more of an interest in the past, especially since she found it to be more exciting than...
While the teacher was lost in her thoughts, she missed Chen yawning loudly until she felt the nekomata slump into her side. Surprised, she looked down to see the nekomata leaning into her, head resting on the side of her bosum and drooping eyes blinking slowly. Keine felt her face growing warm.
"Ah... I guess you're sleepy, right? It
hasbeen a long day..." Keine asked, getting a lethargic shake of a head as an answer, only for the nekomata to slide further down. Blushing, Keine caught her before half of her body landed in the teacher's lap. "Now, it's time to get you in bed."
After a bit of a struggle, trying to maneuver the suddenly heavy kitten into the bedroom, Keine finally managed to drag Chen into her futon, completely giving up on getting her clothes changed. Keine watched from a kneeling position as the nekomata instantly reached for the large fox patterned pillow, clamping onto it like a barnacle with a satisfied sigh. "How adorable," Keine giggled, brushing several brown locks away from Chen's eyes, fingertips lingering on Chen's soft cheeks.
It wasn't until Keine climbed into her own futon that her actions dawned on her.
"Senshei~! Senshei~!"
Keine didn't look up at Chen's cry, but instead continued to scrub at the clothes in the bucket. "What is it, Chen-chan?" she asked as a shadow loomed over her. In her periphial vision, she could see Chen's bare feet, spotted with dried mud.
"My outfit got all muddy. Can you wash it for me?" Keine couldn't help but sigh.
"Another? I'm washing nearly all of your clothes right now..." she complained. "All right, go ahead and change so I can..." she blinked as a red, mud covered dress was thown into the bucket, and she craned her head to look at her temporary charge.
And flushed red as she regretted that choice. "Ch-chen!" she stuttered, staring at the innocent looking girl. "I didn't mean change
here"
Chen blinked in confusion as she looked herself over. "But I'm wearing clothes right now," she replied, gesturing at her white bloomers and shift.
"That's still indecent!" Keine insisted, failing miserably at containing her blush. Her skin looked so nice and soft, and the shift held a trace of a contour to her budding... Keine ripped that thought out of her head, and kept her head down and nearly in the wash bucket. Her face was still hot even long after Chen left to change her clothes, and she could still see that cute, innocent vision...
It had become a tradition, over the decade the two had known each other, to spend the night of the full moon together. There were many reasons behind this, but one of the major ones, for Keine, was for comfort. Never mind the increased strength, the increased power over history, the increased aggressiveness, or even the freakish appearance the were-hakutaku form gave her, probably the
true curse of the hakutaku was just how
uncomfortable it was to try to sleep. Sleeping on her back was straight out on the nights of her transformation, and sleeping on her front was a no go ever since her breasts had developed. The best way she found to relax and sleep in the cursed form was on her side, with a cushion (or, ideally, an immortal pheonix) supporting her.
This month, however, she was glad for Mokou's presence for more than the increased comfort. The last few weeks of supporting Chen was starting to take a toll on her, and she felt that a supporting ear was what she needed.
Actually, she was contemplating choking said supporting ear, if only so that she would stop laughing. "It's not funny, Mokou," she grumbled, arms crossed as she leaned back on Mokou.
The pale haired woman, with the eternal appearance of a teenager, wiped tears away from her eyes. "Ah, yeah, it actually kind of is. I mean, the hypocrisy's pretty hilarious, you ragging on Yakumo only to do the exact same thing."
"I
haven't done the 'exact same thing'," Keine protested, twirling a pale green lock around her finger sulkily. "I thought that you would be supportive and sympathetic..." the hakutaku pouted.
"If you want 'sympathy and support', you talk to a big sister. However, I'm the 'onii~-chan'," Mokou's voice mimicked a squeaky girl, "so all you get is teasing." Keine continued to pout, and Mokou continued, grinning as she stared at the ceiling of the dining room/living room, where they had lain out the futons while Chen stayed in the bedroom. "Anyways, if you want to do anything about it, tonight's the night: hey, you could even set it up so that you're rescuing her from the evil clutches of that no good fox!"
Blushing furiously, Keine kicked back at Mokou. "Are you ever going to let up on that? I was
eight, for goodness sake!" She continued to try to elbow and kick Mokou from behind, while the immortal laughed and blocked the half hearted blows.
"Mn... Keine-senshei...?" the two friends froze, and looked up at Chen, wearing a pink nightdress and rubbing her eyes as she clutched her pillow. "Can't sleep..."
Keine sat up, looking at Chen with worry. "Oh, I'm sorry, Chen-chan... did we wake you up?" she asked, sending a sharp look at Mokou, who had the decency to look passably guilty.
The nekomata shook her head sleepily. "No... just couldn't sleep..."
Keine had a pensieve look on her face. "Well, I could make you a-"
"Why don't you curl up next to us?" Keine whipped her head around to look at Mokou in alarm. Mokou, for her part, had a particularly smug look on her face. Lethargically, the nekomata nodded, and instantly plopped down next to Keine, much to the teacher's consternation. It barely took five minutes of conversation, mischevious on Mokou's part and hesitant on Keine's part, before Chen was sound asleep, curled up against Keine.
"I so hate you," the teacher grumbled at her best friend. She happened to glance down at the sleeping nekomata, and warmth flowed through her as she espied the delicate, defenseless face.
"Just helping out a little sister," Mokou snarked back. "Personally, I'm just waiting for my horned, two tailed 'nieces' to be runnin' around an- ow!" Mokou yelped as Keine shifted, digging one of the horns jutting out of her shoulder blade into the annoying pheonix's arm.
Keine regretted making
any accusation of Ran, especially when she had to drag Chen to the bath. The fact of the matter was that in order to make sure that Chen actually got washed and cleaned, you pretty much had to do it yourself. Enduring Chen's cuteness was already difficult for Keine, and having to take a bath with her was a trial of will; washing the uncooperative nekomata, who continually squirmed and wriggled and ensured that she was rubbing against Keine somewhere at any given time was a bloody labor. Finally, for Chen's sake and her own, she dumped a bucket full of cold water on the both of them, prompting a hiss from the agitated catgirl. "Now, no complaining! Good girls need to stay clean. Now," she took a bottle and squeezed a dollop of shampoo onto Chen's head, "lather that in so we can get your hair clean."
Since the complaining nekomata was distracted, Keine could concentrate on getting herself clean. 'Only a few dats left,' the teacher told herself as she lathered soap onto her arms, 'and Ran will be here to pick her up.' That thought did nothing to relieve herself, and instead made her even more agitated. 'No, she has to go back! Ran is her master, and if she stays any longer with me then it will just make me a hypocrite...' Still, that didn't stop her imagining Chen living with her on a more permanent basis.
A sudden cry distracted Keine from her thoughts, and she whirled to face Chen's sud covered back. "Chen! What's wrong?" The nekomata twisted her body to look at the teacher, wet skin glistening and contours clearly visible, yet her most private parts protected from Keine's sight. Her eyes were slightly puffy, and she rubbed at them with her hands curled like a cat's paw.
"Senshei~... shampoo got in Chen's eyes..." she mewled, pawing at her eyes. Keine instantly turned away from the nekomata, hands clamped over her nose and face bright red.
Then, the month ended.
The were-hakutaku thought it was pretty amazing: a month ago, she was lecturing a nine tailed kitsune about her actions concerning her shikigami, and now the positions were reversed. She could practically feel the hostility rolling off of Ran as the teacher served tea, even though her face was as blank as stone.
Carefully sipping at her tea, Ran watched (glared, Keine's mind substituted) her host. ?So, I hear that you?re close to Chen?? she asked (accused!) in an even tone.
Sweating, Keine nearly gulped her own tea, before recognizing that the tea was still scalding hot. ?Um, yes. She
is my student, as you know.?
"Indeed, and I trusted you with her well being and-" Keine interrupted her speech.
"Look, I
know. I know that this is just like the beginning of the month, and I'm sure that you're saying what I'm saying just to be funny."
Ran's eyes narrowed at Keine. "This isn't a laughing matter."
"I know it isn't!" The teacher sighed noisily. "It's just... I understand what you've been going through with Chen-chan. It's like she... unconciously seduces with her innocence and her personality."
Ran nodded. "And how she clings onto you, begging for help and attention."
"I'm not saying she does it on purpose, but you just can't resist her charms."
"I understand. In any case, she won't be a temptation for you any longer, so we'll be on our way..." Ran said, preparing to stand up before Keine stopped her.
"Wait. Who said anything about her leaving?" The kitsune turned a glare at the teacher.
"That was the agreement: one month with you, and she comes back home."
The teacher lips pressed into a thin line. "Only if you proved to be safe around Chen," she retorted.
"Like you're any safer to be around her? She's mine, so be smart and let this go!" Ran snarled, fingers curling.
Keine returned the shikigami's glare in full force, hand slowly reaching for her pocket. "And that sort of attitude proves that you haven't changed your ways!" Ran's pupils contracted, and she bared her teeth.
"Why you-!"
"Ran-shama~! Keine-senshei~!" Both adults looked over where Chen's voice came from, and hostility vanished as their spines stiffened. The nekomata had came into the room when she heard the raised voices as she was getting dressed, and it was clear she wasn't done changing. White, thigh high socks and bloomers, and her white shift was all she wore, and her brown hair was tousled and unbrushed. The nekomata galumphed into the room on all fours to sit in front of the two adults, and she grabbed both of their hands. "Won't you two stop fighting? It's scaring Chen...!" she asked them in a weak, plaintive tone, eyes tearing up.
Ran and Keine had idenitical, expressionless faces as they stared at the catgirl.
VWOOSH"Kya!"
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So, there it is. And, for the lulz, the KimikoMuffin Special Edition Alternate Ending. No jutsu.
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The room looked like a slaughter house, red blood covering the floors and walls and dripping down from the ceiling. Chen, white clothes now stained red, sat in front of the crumpled forms of her master and her teacher, lying on their backs and facing the ceiling. The nekomata looked around the room, her expressionless face looking nearly alien on her (and rather horrific, considering the amounts of blood on her face), before her eyes settled again on the two bodies in front of her, their joyous faces looking particularly queer considering the environment and their comatose states. Those happy grins looked as though they had not one regret in this life.
Then, slowly, the nekomata's eyes narrowed, and her mouth split into a sinister sneer.
"Just as Chenned! (Chenkaku doori!)"
So, there it is. Kinda of a weird pairing, but it was pretty fun to qrite. Let's see who's up next:
Youmu Konpaku ? Yamame Kurodani
Hm... interesting...
... This might take some time...