Chapter six, everyone.
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Douchebag in Gensokyo
Chapter 6
So when I woke up, my balls didn?t hurt anymore. I still couldn?t believe bunny bitch had done that shit to me, all I was trying to do was show her a good time. If she was a lesbo, all the cunt had to do was tell me and I would?ve stopped, really. You could tell the bitch wanted it, but like I said, bitches are afraid of an ALPHA.
So I got out of the bed?and opened the door?and walked onto a shit load of tacks, barefoot. I started hopping around, holding my foot in pain, and I saw this rabbit with long-ish brown hair laughing. I yelled at her, ?WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS? and she ran off, still laughing. I pulled a few tacks out of my foot and ran after her.
I heard her yell, ?Ha, you can?t catch me douchebag!? and I yelled back ?Oh I?ll catch you motherfucker and then I?ll turn you into a hat!? Then I tripped over something, and I fell down and knocked my head on the ground. The little rabbit kept running and I lost her.
I sat up and started rubbing my aching head. I had tripped over a banana peel, no shit, like a bad cartoon. Then I heard a voice say, ?I see you?ve met Tewi.? It was the nurse lady from the other night. ?You?re not hurt, are you??
I shook my head and said, ?No, I?m not hurt.? Then a thought passed through my head, ?Oh shit, what if that bitch told the nurse lady what had happened last night?? So I asked, ?So, uh, have you seen Reisen?? She got a quizzical look and said, ?No, I haven?t seen her all day. Why?? And I said, ?No reason, just asking.? The nurse lady shrugged and said, ?Anyway, you missed breakfast, but lunch is in another hour or so. Meanwhile, the princess wants to speak to you.?
I got up and walked with the nurse lady. I had heard about the princess, fire bitch had talked about her a little, and I thought there was a bit of a rivalry between them, but I hadn?t seen her since I arrived.
Nurse lady led me to a room near the courtyard. She opened the door and I walked inside. The room was really dark, and there was an open space near the back of the room that opened up to one of those zen garden thingies with all the rocks and shit and sand and shit in it. Sitting in the middle of the room on a pillow was a small woman with really long hair. I thought she was really old when she looked up and said, ?Come in, traveler, come in.?
So I walked in. Then the woman said, ?You can go now, Eirin.? Nurse lady left and closed the door behind her. The woman motioned for me to sit down, and I did, sitting on a cushion. Now I could get a better look at the princess. She was kinda thin and pale, and I could also see why fire bitch called her ?Princess No-tits? earlier?she didn?t have any tits. Yeah, I know I had more important things to worry about than a chick?s tits, but hey I have needs and you can?t cage a raging bull, ha. She was dressed in a pink shirt and dark red-ish skirt. I also noticed some stuff was floating around her, like a twig with colored balls on it, a small robe, a stone bowl, stuff like that.
She was quiet for a while. Then she said, ?I am Kaguya Houraisan. It?s so nice to meet someone new, especially one from the other world. For too long I haven?t had the company of an outsider. Tell me, who are you?? And I said, ?I?m Bobby.? And then she said, ?Tell me of yourself, Bobby.? And I sort of shrugged and described where I came from. I said that I was ALPHA, that I was a superior being when compared to the people around me, and that most people didn?t seem to respect that or were even afraid of it.
When I finished, Kaguya chuckled and said, ?So, you are the man who would be king, would the people you lead respect that.? And I sort of nodded and said, ?Yeah, something like that.? I mean, I didn?t really understand what she was talking about, but I guess she was right in, like, a metaphorical way or something.
Then she said, ?We are not so different, you and I.? And I said, ?Oh, yeah?? And she said, ?Yes. We are both dispossessed royalty. Myself because I broke an ancient law, you because?well, in your case, you have cruel fate to blame. I was princess of a vast and mighty kingdom, one that laid claim over the Moon?? And so Kaguya started telling me about her life.
I wasn?t really listening, because I was sort of checking her out. I made the decision, yeah, I would fuck her. Hell, I figured I had a pretty good shot, ?cause she said she hasn?t seen anyone new in years. Besides, most of those people had to be women, ?cause there?s like five chicks for every dude in this shithole, so she had to be hungry for some cock. Even better, she might be a virgin, I fucking love fucking virgins.
She continued talking. When she stopped I said, ?Cool story, bro. So, you must be pretty lonely.? And she said, ?Well, not entirely. I have Eirin. I have the rabbits. So I?m not?? ?I mean, you must be lonely for some?you know, some ?companionship?.? And she sort of shrugged and said, ?Not really??
And I stood up, took off my shirt, and started flexing my guns. ?Come on, there?s no reason you called me here other than you wanting to fuck me. Face it, you want an ALPHA, you got an ALPHA.?
Then, all of a sudden, she screamed ?Eirin, Eirin, help me Eirin!? Shortly after, someone cracked me in the back of the knees with a pipe or something, and then over the head. I blacked out?.
***
When Bobby woke up, he was in the bamboo forest again. Eirin was standing over him, as was Reisen, Tewi and a number of Earth rabbits. The look on Eirin?s face said it all. She was mad, and she wasn?t about to take any more of Bobby?s crap. She said, ?You are no longer welcome at this house.? Bobby?s head was still throbbing. ?What the fuck, why??
Eirin replied with, ?You?ve threatened my staff, assaulted my princess, and tried to rape my assistant. I?d say that?s a good enough reason for me to throw you out.
Bobby, hotheaded as usual, replied ?Fine, fuck you then, I?ll go back to the village.? Bobby tried to get up, but found he couldn?t?his legs and arms were being held down by ropes, tied around his wrists and ankles and wrapped around stakes buried in the ground.
Eirin started talking again. ?No. You don?t get to walk away this time. I?ve heard of you from Mokou. You?re a misogynistic bastard who goes around, foisting yourself on innocent women in the hopes that they?re deluded enough to fornicate with you.?
Then Bobby noticed Tewi. He also noticed that she was holding a big, wooden hammer. Eirin said, ?I feel that Gensokyo would be better off without you. Goodbye, Bobby.?
Eirin nodded at Tewi, who raised her hammer. Bobby tried to stammer something out, but he was cut off by the hammer coming down on his skull.
