*raises hand*
If you write Fifty Shades of Purple, be aware I will write Twilight - Touhou Style.
Because god damn it do I hate those two books.
I'll offer you an amusing story, perhaps... (Sorry for making Fanfiction out of the questions, I cannot resist. Feel free to spork it to hell and back, it's bad, I think, anyway.)
Remilia: Bet you're jealous of my tan, uh?
Reimu: I couldn't care less.
Remilia: Please! I can taste the jealousy emanating from you. I bet you wish you had gorgeous skin like mine
Reimu: Go away.
Remilia: Why? The jealousy is driving you mad~?
Reimu: *sighs and throws her broom on the ground (shit's gonna get serious)* Would you just shut up already? You're a pathetic excuse for a vampire; You get the ability to go outside without restrictions and get tanned? Only so you can show off? I have no idea how you even thought that was a good idea, lil' mistress scarlet, but it's makes you a laughable youkai. *picks up her broom* And now, I have cleaning to do.
Remilia: *trembling lips* b-b-b-but... Uuuuuuu, Sakuyaaaa ;__;
What if Patchouli wrote an erotic novel?
^This idea was made into a doujinshi, and Alice was pretty freaked out by Patchouli. Except that it was a manga she was drawing/writing, not a novel.
Alright, get ready... Storytelling time by Ran-Rii again! Sit tight, kids! Make sure you are above 16, and are okay with mature content!
Alice visited the Scarlet Devil Mansion out of habit. Mostly to visit her purple-haired shut-in seven day Magician. However, on this day, something seemed wrong...
Alice opened the door slowly and carefully, careful to not disturb Patchouli while she was reading.
Alice: "Hello! Patchouli? ...Patchouli?"
Slipping through the small gap she left the door with (Patchouli was always fussy with the books being exposed to light), she noticed Patchouli fidgeting about nervously on a writing desk, back facing the door. It was a rare sight to see her actually as nervous and fidgety as that, since the Locked Girl always remained composed and calm. Noticing Patchouli hastily keeping a stack of papers to one of the drawers below the desk, her woman's instinct told her something was wrong with her friend.
Alice: "Ah, Patchouli? What are you doing?"
Patchouli jumped, then quickly spun over on her swivel chair, courtesy of Rinnosuke when Patchouli visited his shop.
Patchouli: "Ah... hello! Feel free to take a s-seat a-anywhere... Maybe take a few books to r-read! Or maybe I'll get Koakuma to get you a cup of coffee-- wait, t-tea should be what y-you w-want! Yeah! Tea... I'll get her to do it now!"
Obviously she was hiding something. Usually her friend would only respond with a nod and probably sending a book flying at her if she disturbed her reading, but never would she offer coffee or tea, nor would she even bother asking her to sit somewhere. She would never stutter. Something is definitely wrong. What
is it with her and that stack of papers?
Slowly, she sneaked Shanghai to Patchouli's side and grabbed one of the papers. Quickly reeling Shanghai back, she looked at the paper. It was written in neat paragraphs, albeit with a lot of notes by the margins, and it was a nicely written chapter of...
Patchouli unbuttoned the blouse of the girl lying on the bed while still in a kiss with her girl. Their tongues intertwined, they held the breathtaking kiss. However, Patchouli wanted more.
Patchouli realised that one piece of her manuscript was missing. She turned around, and saw Alice reading it. Nervousness turned into abject despair and fear.
"A-alice.. I can explain..."
Alice made Hourai gag Patchouli with a piece of cloth and held it there.
Gesturing as to what she would do next, she broke the kiss and spoke. "D-do you w-want this? I mean, this is... well..."
A reply came in the form of an embrace and two hands clasping on her face.
"I love you, Patchouli. You know I do. I do not mind if it is bad. I want to give my first time to you--"Alice's initial amusement turned into anger. In a split second, the piece of paper was shredded by a razor-blade bearing Shanghai Doll. Patchouli spat out the gag and screamed in pain, clutching her chest and shouting "MY MANUSCRIPT!!"
Alice just turned around, disgusted.
"Goodbye. I suppose I shouldn't have disturbed you in the middle of important 'work'"
Patchouli muttered a spell, and a wall of crystal immediately rose before the open door of the Voile Library, blocking the way out.
"What for do you still want me here?" Alice shouted at Patchouli while brandishing her dolls.
Patchouli froze for a few seconds, finding the right words to put her intention in to. "Well, for starters, I can explain!"
"I have no need to listen to people like you! What more have I to say to a person that makes erotic works of her friend? Next thing I know, you'd be making Shanghai--"
Patchouli rose her hand, apparently casting a spell, and Alice immediately lost her voice.
"Look. Consider this a work for all the Alice fans in the country. Do you have any idea how important this is to all of them? I have spent so much effort into this, and you just destroyed it! This is a work of art, a masterpiece of a literature!" Patchouli frantically explained to Alice, before removing the spell from Alice.
"Well, no. I cannot accept this. I guess this is goodbye."
However, Patchouli knew her friend more than she did.
"I just wanted you here! I mean, with your dolls, I-- no, we can complete this masterpiece in a matter of hours! Also, all those Alice fans in the country would be so happy about this! Also, maybe... maybe only I will do the naughty parts!"
Anticipating her soft-hearted friend to relent, she waited with bated breath. She looked at Alice's stoic expression slowly change, into one of submission and helplessness.
"Alright, fine. Just for them. Just this once."
Patchouli smiled.
"Right, then, let's get to work!"
Not long after, an army of dolls armed with pen and paper were flooding the library.
"Where do we start?" Alice questioned.
"Well, for a start, you can help me model this pose..."
Patchouli handed a sketch of her friend in an erotic pose, unclothed. The sketch ceased to exist in a matter of 2 seconds.
"Alright. I guess this is goodbye," Alice walked towards the crystal wall, "Magic Sign "Artful Sacrifice"!"
The crystal door shattered, in which she walked out.
Or at least should have, if she did not find herself suddenly weak, and collapsed on the floor. Two arms soon lifted her from the ground, and laid her on one of the sofas in the library. Patchouli soon climbed over her, on all fours, facing her friend. Bar the bed, this was exactly the same scene as the one in the manuscript that Alice destroyed.
Shanghai and Hourai stood in a corner, obviously oblivious of what was to happen.
"Look, Alice. I wrote this book to satisfy my desires for you. You know I love you, right?"
Patchouli watched with anticipation as her friend acted as she planned. Her features softened, and soon she was in a helpless state again. Not that she had any strength to fight with to begin with, but it was obvious that she was in agreement with the statement. She blushed, face red with embarrassment. Patchouli then broke into a kiss with her.
Alice waited, before forcibly pushing Patchouli away with all the strength she could muster.
"This is not right, we can't..." Alice started to despair at the thought of what is going to happen next.
Patchouli ignored her, and started slipping her hand into Alice's blouse, unbuttoning it slowly and carefully while running her fingers over the helpless girl's body. Alice closed her eyes, both in fear and in pleasure, and at the thought that Patchouli was going to "do" her.
Soon... it would be my skirt... then... my...
Alice kept murmuring while her imagination kept her in constant arousal and anticipation, as Patchouli slowly removed said girl's skirt and ran her hand over the soft skin of the girl's left leg, slowly going towards...
Suddenly, Alice felt Patchouli stand up. Alice slowly opened her eyes in curiosity, and found Patchouli standing in quite a nonchalant manner, with a pen and paper magically levitating in front of her and the said pen scribbling words on said paper.
"Patchouli... aren't you going to continue...?" Alice asked the girl in question in an almost mellow way.
Patchouli stifled a laugh. "Well, no. I never thought of that. It was just to get the right description of your reactions in my book. Thanks for the pose and the amount of reaction."
Alice suddenly found the urge to
kill Patchouli, except that she realised that she was completely naked. Quickly, she dressed, with her dolls frantically buttoning her blouse.
"I knew you'd easily relent. Though, thanks for the material," Patchouli chuckled as she wrote, "oh, and how much of the profits do you want? I can give you a 50% cut if you want, I am not desperate of money anywa--"
That day, Patchouli was found unconscious in the library, with blood flowing from her major arteries on the neck and wrist, and bloodied shreds of paper lying all over the library floor. Razor blades, along with residual blasting powder, obvious marks of explosion on the library floor and broken parts of dolls at the scene.. Most prominent of all was Patchouli's dress and coat hanging from a shelf of books.
That day, Eirin had a heck of a time trying to keep Patchouli alive from all the damage caused to her.
Uuu, my what if ;_;
Jk yours is better.
Marisa wouldn't be a playable character in PCB. Because she wouldn't have a soul.
What if Sakuya decided to change jobs?
Well, for one, if Sakuya were to work with Aya, they would be an unbeatable team of paparazzi. Fastest in Gensokyo + Time stopper for those picture-perfect photographs = best newspaper there ever will be.
But her best field of work would be in disaster relief: With the ability to stop time, she could evacuate a whole disaster area, saving countless lives.
Still, for a reason, watch maker comes to mind. (Sakuya brand watches, even better than Swiss Watches! So good, the time is priceless! Literally!)
However... Remilia would probably kill for Sakuya to be back. And Meiling would slack, unchecked.
What if the playable heroines of all the Touhou games (Reimu, Yukari, Suika, Aya, Marisa, Patchouli, Alice, Sanae, Sakuya, Remilia, Youmu, Yuyuko) decided to cause an incident?
