What If... (Ver 2.0 + MORE EXPLOSIONS)

[Ran-Rii]

It would do the Sanae effect.

Rinnosuke: Haha, fear this mighty weapon!!!
Reimu: Uuuh... You think this weapon who has limited ammo, can only shoot one bullet per fire and occupies your hands frightens me? I- No, WE can all shoot an infinite amount of bullets with a thought!
Rinnosuke: ......Crap.

What if Marisa's broom broke?

And I was hoping a gun would balance things out...

Let's get to answering that question...

Marisa would quit being a magician, because she believes that a magician must have a broom. Also, no more stardust reverie and broomryuken*.
She would be downgraded to a stage 3 boss.
_________________________________
What if Reimu wanted a wardrobe change with Sakuya?

[Imosa]

I see no reason we can't figure this out:
Danboru Warning
oh, turns out I can't find Sakuya as a shrine maiden, probably because sakuya was confined indoors without proper shoulder coverage to keep her warm.
What if Thanksgiving were celebrated in Gensokyo. Turkey?

[Cybeast710]

What if Thanksgiving were celebrated in Gensokyo. Turkey?

Not happening. If someone tried, either Sanae/Kanako/Suwako or Byakuren/Nue/Ichirin would 3X BEATDOWN COMBO the person who tried to start it. Because they would only see the religion of those who started it (i.e. NOT THEIRS) and precede to attack the blasphemer.
What if Team ⑨ absconded into the outside world? And the portal opened in the middle of the Oval Office?

[Ran-Rii]

After a short round of talks between the president and Cirno, Cirno would decide that "Eye'm the strongest, that seat belongs to Eye!"

[Just in case: Eye is used due to the contraction that Cirno uses - Atai]
______________________________
What if Yuyuko ever ate Youmu's phantom -half/Myon?

[Cybeast710]

After a short round of talks between the president and Cirno, Cirno would decide that "Eye'm the strongest, that seat belongs to Eye!"

[Just in case: Eye is used due to the contraction that Cirno uses - Atai]
______________________________
What if Yuyuko ever ate Youmu's phantom -half/Myon?

Really? I have my issues with some of these answers, so let me thrash them out right now.

Gun Question:
Yes, perhaps it CAN shoot only one bullet per fire. On the OTHER HAND, A gun is capable of causing SERIOUS PHYSICAL HARM. The spellcard rules mean danmaku is NOT capable of causing physical harm. If there's one bullet from a gun in a touhou, they're going to be in physical agony. Which is not something they normally deal with.

Tewi Pranks Flandre:
If Remi was really that upset, why not just simply let Flandre attack Eintei? No need to waste resources on an organized attack when it's basically just vengeance...

Team ⑨ in the oval office:
I think you're giving Rumia, Mystia, and Wriggle too much credit. Seems likely to me, especially if there's nobody around, Rumia would try to eat the president. Then i guess Cirno would take the seat... until the secret service came in and tried to kill them. After that... place your bets on who's winning.
Yuyuko would see firsthand what digestion does to a body because as she digests Myon, Youmu would decay as well.
EDIT: Forgot my question. *facepalm*
What if Touhou was a text adventure?

[Delfigamer]

* remembered Space Rangers' text quests  :V *

Marisa sees a strange figure on the top of stairs, a loli body with a useless ghost on a leash. It is Youmu Konpaku.
> Sneak though her.
> Ask Youmu Konpaku to not to attack gently.
> Ask Youmu Konpaku to get her ass out of your way not gently.
> Masterspark her in the face!

________

What if Yukari began to recruit new shikigamis because Ran ran away?

[Ran-Rii]

* remembered Space Rangers' text quests  :V *________

What if Yukari began to recruit new shikigamis because Ran ran away?

Just a little to that...

>Marisa: BITCH GET OUT OF THE WAY!!
_______
Now, to answer...
Well, Ran would officially be out of a job, and probably go back to being a beast. The human village would lose one more big customer of Fried Tofu, and Yukari would have no better Shikigami, because the best is gone... (Unless she goes for the ELECTRIC SHIKIGAMI we are all using...)
_______
What if Keine were ever to become the Minister of Education of Gensokyo, or EVEN USA?!

[Cybeast710]

Well, that would be pretty nice. Only problem would be her Hakutaku form. Oh well, as long as she's not in the moonlight, she's not in that form, right?

But, for starters, we'd see this country's TERRIBLE educational system slowly start being decluttered and unjammed, as various politicians blocking the system start "disappearing" or "having accidents" I could see Keine deliberately being in front of people blocking the system right before she turned to her Hakutaku form. She'll certainly clear out gov't beuricracy.

What if the Touhous actually did exist, somewhere in cyberspace? And you discovered the exact IP of where Gensokyo was?

[fondue]

I would try to hack into it but Nitori-block would stop me :I


What if you could transform into any Touhou?

[Kami-sama!]

She steals borrows the broom that Reimu uses.

What is Byakuren was given the challenge of making Parsee unjealous?

[Cybeast710]

She steals borrows the broom that Reimu uses.

What is Byakuren was given the challenge of making Parsee unjealous?

Whoa. That was like 9 questions ago.

Guess i'll try to answer both questions...

What if Byakuren was given the challenge of making Parsee unjealous?

She would not, because it would be murder. Parsee is jealous because she is the EMBODIMENT of jealousy.

What if you could transform into any Touhou?

Transform into any touhou? Um... Nitori. I've always been a fan of tech, and (her fear of humans notwithstanding) of all the Touhous, i'd think we'd get along the best. Still has spellcards and danmaku, but speaks my language. Tech language. And it would certainly liven up "job experience" on a resume... and/or save money on tech support/electrician/repair bills.


So... What if Yukari had a secret stash of games, which Reimu found? And i mean games for that ELECTRIC SHIKIGAMI. And maybe a couple of consoles, too?

[Kami-sama!]

Whoa. That was like 9 questions ago.

Huh? Did my answer get delayed or something? Well, I guess I should answer fonduemaster's question for the sake of sticking to the rules.
Well, I would transform into Sakuya, cause then I could stop time and do whatever I want .

What if Yukari had a secret stash of games, which Reimu found? And i mean games for that ELECTRIC SHIKIGAMI. And maybe a couple of consoles, too?

Reimu would sell them to the outside world, then realise that outside world money is useless. And the people who bought these games would suddenly find them missing, cause Yukari gapped them back.



e: Oh wait, I see, I was catching up to the thread and forgot to turn the page, so I assumed that Ikari's question was the latest one, sorry ^^"


e2: What if Shikieiki judged while drunk?

[Cybeast710]

She'd be even more intolerable than ever in her lectures, since the person is not only having to put up with the lecture, but the fact that she's drunk and therefore seems to have a lot less right to talk about that person's lifestyle.

(I check this thing frequently, k?)

What if Blumiere and Timpani wound up in Gensokyo after the events of Super Paper Mario?
(If you don't know them, DON'T LOOK IT UP. MASSIVE SPOILERS.)

[Ikari]

Really? I have my issues with some of these answers, so let me thrash them out right now.

I don't know much about Super Paper Mario, so I'm not suited to answer, but just an FYI, we aren't making science here, we're making silly responses to silly questions. While an answer may not be what you would like it to be, no need to go ''No, that wouldn't happen because *logic*''. That's just like someone re-telling a joke without a punchline because it would make more sense.

Most answers here are joke-answers, puns and meme/fandom inspired conclusions. If you're expecting serious answers and end up not being happy when they aren't, go in the miscellaneous questions thread or something.

[Ran-Rii]

I don't know much about Super Paper Mario, so I'm not suited to answer, but just an FYI, we aren't making science here, we're making silly responses to silly questions. While an answer may not be what you would like it to be, no need to go ''No, that wouldn't happen because *logic*''. That's just like someone re-telling a joke without a punchline because it would make more sense.

Most answers here are joke-answers, puns and meme/fandom inspired conclusions. If you're expecting serious answers and end up not being happy when they aren't, go in the miscellaneous questions thread or something.

Fogetting to post the next question makes me cry... Er... Lol. Yeah you know what to add.

[Cybeast710]

I don't know much about Super Paper Mario, so I'm not suited to answer, but just an FYI, we aren't making science here, we're making silly responses to silly questions. While an answer may not be what you would like it to be, no need to go ''No, that wouldn't happen because *logic*''. That's just like someone re-telling a joke without a punchline because it would make more sense.

Most answers here are joke-answers, puns and meme/fandom inspired conclusions. If you're expecting serious answers and end up not being happy when they aren't, go in the miscellaneous questions thread or something.

Fair enough.
I'd post a question and answer teh last one, but the last question was mine... So answering it would be kinda silly.

[Ikari]

Fair enough.
I'd post a question and answer teh last one, but the last question was mine... So answering it would be kinda silly.

Thanks for your understanding. I'm sorry, it may have came off as harsh.

[fondue]

i have no idea whats going on here now

What if Blumiere and Timpani wound up in Gensokyo after the events of Super Paper Mario?

Touhou could be a completely different game.
 
What if Iku taught Tenshi how to dance and she entered a dance competition against Alice, Genji, Remilia and Kyouko?

[Starxsword]

Gun Question:
Yes, perhaps it CAN shoot only one bullet per fire. On the OTHER HAND, A gun is capable of causing SERIOUS PHYSICAL HARM. The spellcard rules mean danmaku is NOT capable of causing physical harm. If there's one bullet from a gun in a touhou, they're going to be in physical agony. Which is not something they normally deal with.

Then at least fact check before you correct other people. Most characters in Touhou are unaffected by bullets, so I have no idea why you would believe a gun can cause serious physical harm if any. If you look at the description of youkai, physical damage do not work well on them. It is spiritual damage that hurts them.
Secondly, we don't even know if a bullet can travel fast enough to hit a touhou character. Marisa dodged her own Final Spark.

Also, the spell card rules do not mean danmaku is not capable of causing physical harm. The spell card rules is a guideline and not any rule set in stone. There are plenty of examples in which fights do cause physical harm(Reimu's shrine is destroyed in a fight between Yukari and Tenshi) and death(border team did not hold back against Mokou).

What if Iku taught Tenshi how to dance and she entered a dance competition against Alice, Genji, Remilia and Kyouko?

Considering that Tenshi most likely has the most dancing skills, Tenshi would win hands down. Everyday is singing, dancing, drinking, rinse and repeat.


What if someone decides to pull the keystone from Reimu's shrine?

[game2011]

Ruukoto will rise from underneath the shrine, having revealed to be sealed away by Reimu when the robot went berserk due to a bug in programing, and shrine maiden couldn't bring herself to destroy her.

What if all your base are belong to Nue?

[Ikari]

Byakuren: What happen ?
Shou: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Murasa: We get signal.
Byakuren: What !
Murasa: Main screen turn on.
Byakuren: It?s you !!
NUE: How are you ladies !!
NUE: All your base are belong to us.
NUE: You are on the way to using a continue.
Byakuren: What you say !!
NUE: You have no chance to 1CC make your time.
CATS: Ha ha ha ha ?
Murasa: Captain !!
Byakuren: Take off every Holy Palaquins!!
Byakuren: You know what you doing.
Byakuren: Move the Holy Palaquin.
Captain: For the light of the Dharma.
What if Reimu decided to become a witch and Marisa decided to become a Miko?

[Ran-Rii]

Byakuren: What happen ?
Shou: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Murasa: We get signal.
Byakuren: What !
Murasa: Main screen turn on.
Byakuren: It?s you !!
NUE: How are you ladies !!
NUE: All your base are belong to us.
NUE: You are on the way to using a continue.
Byakuren: What you say !!
NUE: You have no chance to 1CC make your time.
CATS: Ha ha ha ha ?
Murasa: Captain !!
Byakuren: Take off every Holy Palaquins!!
Byakuren: You know what you doing.
Byakuren: Move the Holy Palaquin.
Captain: For the light of the Dharma.
What if Reimu decided to become a witch and Marisa decided to become a Miko?

Before you knew it, Marisa-miko would be getting A LOT of donations, due to her "borrowing", and Reimu would probably want to get out of that stuffy witch outfit, with too much shoulder coverage.

BTW, Marisa was a magician last time I checked I guess...
_________
What if Aya were to work for a paparazzi magazine in our world?

[Ikari]

Before you knew it, Marisa-miko would be getting A LOT of donations, due to her "borrowing", and Reimu would probably want to get out of that stuffy witch outfit, with too much shoulder coverage.

BTW, Marisa was a magician last time I checked I guess...
_________
What if Aya were to work for a paparazzi magazine in our world?

I can totally see Reimu go like ''Marisa, how the hell are you supposed to wear that? Where are the armpit holes?''. And Marisa is technically a magician, but calls herself a witch, acts like a witch and uses a broom because ''that's what witches do''. Plus the outfit.

If Aya worked as a paparazzi journalist... Hmm... Remember the whole scandal about Kate and Williams' topless incident? We'd be getting oh so much more of those. Any celebrity would fear her with all their heart, for she has no shame, for they cannot escape...

Plus, I'd so read that magazine. Anyway, what if Hina decided to gather fortune instead of misfortune?

[game2011]

She'll have lots of people following her in order to obtain fortune.

What if Aya looks at you with a smile, tilts her headed to the side slightly in a way that is considered cute, walks up to you, pets you, and then walks away, never coming back again, thus making you wonder what on earth that was all about just now?

[Ran-Rii]

She'll have lots of people following her in order to obtain fortune.

What if Aya looks at you with a smile, tilts her headed to the side slightly in a way that is considered cute, walks up to you, pets you, and then walks away, never coming back again, thus making you wonder what on earth that was all about just now?

You know that something is wrong considering that she never does that, and she would have taken that picture and posted it in her newspaper as a scandal of sorts. She is without shame, after all.
She would have taken some inappropriate pictures, or pictures from suggestive angles... and tarnish your reputation with them.

Or perhaps you are just cute. Though I would like to read her newspaper article on that photo she took with her camera...
_____________________________

What if Aya obtained the most powerful invention in the history of mankind for paparazzi... THE PINHOLE CAMERA?!

[PhantomSong]

What if Aya obtained the most powerful invention in the history of mankind for paparazzi... THE PINHOLE CAMERA?!

She would put in the shrine and wait for Reimu to change clothes.

What if Patchouli was able to control her hindrances? 

[EthanSilver]

What if Patchouli was able to control her hindrances?

Reimu: Ha! You're out of spellcards! Victory is mine!!
Patchy: Ha to you! I still have one last card up my sleeve...! ANEMIA SIGN [Unexplained Sudden Weakness]!
*Patchy suddenly goes a full shade paler and collapses weakly, groaning.*
Reimu: ...Huh. *Proceeds to stage 5.*


What if, instead of fast-paced danmaku combat, disputes in Gensokyo were resolved by playing long, highly drawn-out games of shogi?

[Ran-Rii]

Reimu: Ha! You're out of spellcards! Victory is mine!!
Patchy: Ha to you! I still have one last card up my sleeve...! ANEMIA SIGN [Unexplained Sudden Weakness]!
*Patchy suddenly goes a full shade paler and collapses weakly, groaning.*
Reimu: ...Huh. *Proceeds to stage 5.*


What if, instead of fast-paced danmaku combat, disputes in Gensokyo were resolved by playing long, highly drawn-out games of shogi?

Then Reimu would never win, and Rinnosuke would actually have a chance at winning. Keine would be lecturing all her opponents about the important components of Shogi and its history.
_________
What if Cirno was the one that ate the Yata-Garatsu and received... NUCLEAR FUSION [Utsuho's power]?

[Nevindar]

Different outcomes depending on various factors...

The silly answer would be: She would melt.

But if we put some effort into it...

The underground would not have been introduced, the game would probably be centered around misty lake,
Cirno would become a master of Cold Fusion, the entire incident would be based on how she could finally
show everyone that she is "The strongest", spawn way more jokes about "Being the Strongest", turn Daiyousei
into an EX-Boss and transform the lake into a hotspring in the end.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What if... Rinnosuke was a playable character?

[Ran-Rii]

Different outcomes depending on various factors...

The silly answer would be: She would melt.

But if we put some effort into it...

The underground would not have been introduced, the game would probably be centered around misty lake,
Cirno would become a master of Cold Fusion, the entire incident would be based on how she could finally
show everyone that she is "The strongest", spawn way more jokes about "Being the Strongest", turn Daiyousei
into an EX-Boss and transform the lake into a hotspring in the end.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What if... Rinnosuke was a playable character?

Flat answer will be that he would lose every duel [b/c no spellcard] but if we made things a little more creative...

Touhou 14: Impossible Mechanics

>Select playable character
      >Flandre
         >Shot: "Kyuu~" everything in existence
      >Reimu
         >Shot: Homing Amulets
      .
      .
      >Rinnosuke [Auto Lunatic on all stages] >>SELECT
         >Shot: What do you mean, shot?
         >SpellCard: What do you mean, SpellCard?

Stage 1: Implausible attempt of the powerless shopkeeper
>Tries to fly
>Realises cannot fly
-DUE TO THE CHARACTER BEING UNABLE TO FLY, THE STAGE IS LENGTHENED. RINNOSUKE HAS TO WALK.-
>Shot by Fairies
>Tries to deathbomb, until you saw the "Nullify" sign on your bombs
>Loses 10 lives in rapid succession, and clicks on "Continue" 29, 995 times.
>Reaches Boss

Rinnosuke: Give... me... a... break...
Cirno: あたいは『馬鹿』じゃいないもん！あたいの『力』を見せる!
Rinnosuke: WTFLOLWUT I do not understand---

>Subsequently killed by Cirno's Icicle Fall -Easy-

____
On a serious note, I would like to see him flying around with a airborne system, using a electric shikigami to pilot the system, and having affixed mini-hakkeros on that thing as a combat machine. Perhaps his bomb would be a shot from a Hakkero [We never seen the non-mini-hakkero ever].
Perhaps he would be using ballastic weapons! [Rinnosuke with a Sub-MachineGun, anyone?]
But he would be a sad man. He would end up like how Cirno ended in Cirno's Perfect Math Class, with all those bullets, Yin-Yang orbs and knives all over him.

>Continue
>Return to Title [SELECT]

____
What if Patchouli was as powerful as MeiLing on physical terms, and retained her prowess over spells?