Enough about Mima! Have at you!
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Douchebag in Gensokyo
Chapter 2
So when I woke up I found that I was alone. Witch bitch had already left and I was hungry so I raided her kitchen and found mushrooms, like shitloads of mushrooms, so I grabbed some and I hoped they were like shrooms so I could forget all of the shit that had happened yesterday. But they weren?t, they were just regular mushrooms, and I suppose they tasted alright I guess. I don?t usually like mushrooms but these were OK. So I took some of them and I decided to get going to this village and maybe find some chick who needed her pussy rocked and would let me stay with her until I figured out how to get back home.
So I wandered down this path for a while. Along the way I come across this little girl, in some blue and white dress. She?s playing with a frog on the side of the road, so I just ignore her and keep walking. All of a sudden I hear someone yell ?Hey, you!?
So I turn around and that little girl is yelling at me, ?You can?t come here! This is my road! I?m the strongest!? And then she throws something at me, and it hits me in the chest, and it hurts. I bend over to pick it up and what the fuck, it?s like a frog encased in ice. So I yell at her ?Hey, fuck you kid!? and I throw it back at her. Now, I?m ALPHA so I can throw pretty hard. And it hits her right in the head, and she falls down. Now, I don?t feel bad because the bitch had it coming, no one throws shit at me, but then she starts crying and I start thinking ?Oh shit maybe I really hurt her? but then she gets up and yells ?You?re a douchebag!? and she runs off into the forest. Whatever.
I keep walking down the path and eventually I get to the village. And it?s like, a middle ages village or some shit, I keep expecting King Arthur to pop up and slay a dragon, ha. Then I notice all the people look Japanese or something, they?re wearing those robe things and shit. So I?m thinking ?Oh, shit, better not piss of the dudes, they might be ninjas?. But I decide that I need a place to stay, long term, so I start doing my thing again, because the dudes in the village, they look tough but I know that they ain?t shit compared to an ALPHA like me, and I know the ladies just want a real man?s cock, so I figure this?ll be easy.
So I walk up to this chick, just some random townschick. ??sup?? I don?t even get another word out when the bitch just laughs in my face and says ?No way!? So I say, ?Well, fine, bitch, go fuck one of these faggots tiny cocks, you don?t know what you?re missing.? But then I feel a hand come down on my shoulder and someone turns me around and I see it?s this big dude with, like, some faggoty ponytail and a goatee, and he says to me. ?Watch your mouth around my wife, douchebag.? So I tell him to get fucked and he just straight up smokes me right in the face. Now I?m on the ground, and I?m about to get up and fuck him up when he just walks away with his bitch wife. Fucking pussy. I could?ve totally fucked him up, too.
But the pussy (Both of them) just walked away and I get up. So I wander around some more, and I?m thinking that this place is really old looking, like all the buildings are made out of wood and shit. But then I realize I?m getting hungry, and I already ate all my shrooms, so I ask some random person on the street where I could get some food. He points me to some restaurant across town, so I start walking to it. Then I see two people that look really out of place?some chick that looked like a maid that had gray hair, and she was holding an umbrella over this pale little girl that had some gay looking pink dress on. I mean, they looked weird but they also looked real rich, you know what I mean? So I decide to try my luck with them.
They ended up going to the same restaurant I was going to, so I just followed them in. They sat at a booth so I grabbed a booth nearby. I figured I could do my thing and maybe find a place to crash for a while, maybe fuck the maid because she was kinda hot even though her tits looked padded or something. I decided to try my luck on the maid first, because she had gotten up to place an order. So I walk up to her and say, ?Sup, good lookin?, you going to get some food?? And without looking up she says, ?Go away.?
I?m not a person who backs down easy. I?m ALPHA. I?m a superior being, how would it look if I ran away after every setback? Like that one dude said, ?Fall down seven times, get up eight? or some shit. So I try again, ?Hey, baby, don?t be like that, I?m just trying to get to know you.? And the maid just comes back with ?I?m not kidding. Go away.?
Then, all of a sudden, the little kid she came in with says, ?Oh, Sakuya, don?t be so nasty. Invite your little friend over, and we?ll have a nice chat.? So right now I?m thinking ?Score, I?m gonna fuck this chick or stay in like a mansion or something, or both.? So the maid sort of sighs (Because, like I said earlier, bitches are afraid of my power, so they don?t know how to cope with it) and says ?Fine, come with me, but don?t touch me.? So we both go back to the booth, and the maid sits next to the kid and I sit across from them. The kid says, ?I?m Remilia Scarlet, mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. This is my maid and trusted friend, Sakuya. Who are you??
And I?m sort of surprised by this, I mean, this little kid talking like some queen or some shit. So I say, ?I?m Bobby.? The kid nods her head and says, ?Pleasure to meet you, Bobby.? So now I?m thinking, ?Dang, I could fuck both these bitches.? I mean, the kid?s like a kid, but she seems older than she looks, and you know, I don?t really care anyway. I?ve fucked fifteen year olds that looked eighteen, and it doesn?t bother me. So I figure I could at least get a place to stay for the night and maybe have some double action, like a threesome at the same time. Oh, man that would be totally killer.
So I start doing my thing to both of them, like flexing the guns and shit, and I say, ?Listen, I just got here, and I need a place to stay, and you two pretty ladies need a real man to keep you warm at night, know what I?m saying?? The kid sorta blinks and says, ?Uh, just what are you getting at?? And I say, ?I?m saying that if you let me stay at your place for a while, I?ll show you what a real man could do to your pussy.? And the kid sorta throws up her hands and says, ?Woah, woah, I did not just hear that.? And I go, ?Yeah, baby, you did, I know I look mean but I?m really a sweet guy, you just gotta get to know me, and what better way of doing that than a nice fuck?? Suddenly, the maid stands up and says, ?Ok, you have to leave. Now.? And I get up, and I?m getting pissed off. So I say, ?Fine, then, fuck you anyway, you don?t know what you?re fucking missing!? And she grabs my collar. The maid is stronger than she looks because she starts shoving me towards the door. When we get outside she says, ?Look, just get out of here before I cut off your balls and feed them to you.? And I?m getting really pissed now and I say, ?Fine, I didn?t want to fuck your anorexic ass anyway, with your padded fucking tits.?
But this bitch moves faster than light or something, because all of a sudden I?m up against the wall and there?s a knife pressed against my throat, and the bitch maid is saying ?Don?t you ever?ever?say that again!? And I?m like ?Woah.? Then she stabs the knife into the wall next to my head and says, ?If I see you again, I?ll gut you like a fucking fish.?
So right now I?m pretty dazed. I sort of slump to the ground and I think I pass out. The last thing I see is some blurry woman with a stupid hat on her head, saying ?Oh, you poor man.?
Then I passed out.
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I've decided not to do it in chronological order, it's just easier for me if I introduce characters at realistic junctions. Hey, guess who shows up in the next chapter!!!
