Interesting move, Rou. Though now I have to criticize your constructive criticism, because in your 'Solution' to example 2: Description, you messed up the intent of the original line with the way you rewrote it.
The original was talking specifically about the water that kappa keep in the small bowl in their skulls, which, according to the legend, keeps them alive, whereas your rewrite makes it the water of the river where the kappa live.
That's an entire fundamental change that would lead a story on a completely different path if it was used as a premise. There's a giant difference between trying to get water from the kappa river or a from kappa themself.
In that sense the description in the original, while not written well, was not really as unnecessary as you made it out to be. At least mentioning the physical specific of the kappa's heads was necessary to explain how there can even be water there. If anything, there should have been *more* to the description, namely the part of the kappa lore that says why that water is different from normal water.
Makes your suggestion look kinda clumsy, so you might want to avoid such mistakes in the future.
Daaaaaaaargh. Somehow I missed the fact that the water in the bowls was what Eirin was referring to, and I thought it was just a random point. Fixed.<Sakana> Good good~
