Author Topic: Parallel Entanglement (Working Title)  (Read 1210 times)


  • Seg Fault
Parallel Entanglement (Working Title)
« on: April 15, 2015, 12:19:23 AM »
I was bored, so I decided to give writing a fan-fiction a try. Before I begin I would like to point out a few things: 1. I'm more used to writing academic essays than fiction, 2. This is my first time attempting a fan-fiction, and 2. I'm not really used to writing dialogue outside of games and comics, so expect it to occasionally use unnecessary or inappropriate speech tags and be somewhat sub-par in some areas. Constructive criticism will be very helpful!

Chapter I

      A grating, cacophonous screech pierces the silence of an otherwise peaceful night in a small forest clearing. The racket has attracted no attention, for nothing is stirring in this part of the Forest of Magic tonight, which is quite a rare occurrence in Gensokyo. Minutes pass before a second eldritch roar, louder than the first, echoes into the night sky. Had anyone been standing in the clearing at that moment, they would feel a peculiar, rapidly intensifying, electrifying sensation in the surrounding air. Within seconds the clearing is enveloped in a blinding white flash accompanied by a cringing sound akin to glass breaking. In its wake, the flash leaves a gleaming white crack floating in space, from which a trio of figures emerge and tumble to the ground below.

      As the crack fades into ripples, one of the trio, a young, blonde-haired woman, adorned in  torn black and white attire, picks herself off the ground and takes a moment to inspect herself thoroughly.

      ?It worked!? she exclaims, before quickly shifting her glance to the person on her left, a gray-haired woman about her age clothed in sleek, black attire, who is currently inspecting a horribly burnt and mangled pocket-watch, ?We made it, Sakuya!?
      ?Yes, it appears so...? Sakuya replies, ?But I wouldn't say the same about my pocket-watch. Did your hakkero survive the trip??
      ?Oh, I should probably check,? says the blonde girl before pulling out an octagonal object from her pocket and proceeding to inspect it. After a few seconds of examining the object, a frown draws itself across the girl's face. ?It's nearly dead. What we did must have drained nearly all its energy.?
      ?Well that's good, I guess. At least its not toasted completely.? Sakyua remarks.
      ?Yeah, but I don't think I'll be able to use it for quite a while... Well, it's a good thing we don't have to use it for the return trip.?
      ?That's assuming we can actually get the help we came here for.?
      ?True.? The blonde girl pauses, before turning to address the person on her right, a shorter girl with green hair dressed in a weathered yellow shirt with an equally damaged green skirt and wearing a black and yellow hat. In front of her chest floats a purple, half-opened, nearly blind eye scarred extensively with burn marks, connected to her ankles and torso by large, pulsating veins, ?How are you holding up, Koishi??
      ?I'm fine, Marisa, thank you.? Koishi answers monotonically.

      A few seconds of silence spread over the group while they take a moment to admire the peace of the night, a feeling long forgotten to the three of them. Eventually, Sakuya decides that it's time to move on.
      ?We should proceed with the plan. We don't know how long we have until The Empress figures out what we're up to.?
      Marisa nods. ?You're right. We should probably get moving. You both remember what to do, right??
      ?Yes.? Sakuya and Koishi answer in unison.
      ?Do you still have those flare gun things that Rinnosuke gave us?? Sakuya asks.
      ?I have them right here.? Marisa replies before producing three small, orange firearms from her pocket, ?Remember only to use them if your cover's been blown.?
      ?We know.? says Sakuya calmly as she takes one of the flare guns, ?I'll see you both in two days.?
      ?Good luck.? says Marisa, as Sakuya flies away into the night.
      ?I hope this plan works.? Koishi remarks as she takes her own flare gun.
      ?Me too.? Marisa replies before the two part ways.

      Yukari Yakumo jolted awake.

      She had felt the shockwave flow through the boundaries of reality. A boundary that should never be broken had been punched through. As much as she wanted to deny it, she couldn't. Something was definitely wrong in Gensokyo tonight. Something very wrong indeed.

      The troubled youkai rose out of bed and strode to the nearest window. There she began to gaze out over the land, searching for evidence of the breach. Nothing. It had to have occurred on the other side of Gensokyo. She thought to herself. After remaining at the window for several minutes, Yukari returned to bed, resolving to investigate this matter further in the morning.

      What's going on out there?

      The undergrowth crackled beneath Marisa's feet as she ran. She had to find someone, and fast. Her entire part of the plan relied on finding this one, specific person, because she would be unable to complete her objective otherwise. Please be out tonight. She thought to herself as she ran, frantically alternating between looking through the trees and looking up into the sky for her target. Eventually she arrives at another calm clearing and a smile creeps up her face. Found you! She thought as she bent down to pick up a large stone nearby before beginning to silently creep up on her target like a tiger stalking its prey.

      Her unsuspecting victim is a blonde-haired girl dressed in black and white attire, holding a broom in one hand, and stooping down to collect some odd, luminescent mushrooms.

      Marisa was within a few yards of her now. Soon she will be within striking distance. Ten uneasy seconds pass as the gap between the two narrows even further, when they are suddenly punctuated by the snapping of a twig beneath Marisa's foot.

      With the speed of a viper Marisa's target turns to face her aggressor while simultaneously drawing an octagonal object from her pocket.
      ?What the hell!?!? The blonde girl exclaims. Dropping her hakkero in surprise.
      ?I'm sorry I have to do this.? says Marisa before swiftly incapacitating her doppelganger with the stone.

Tsuken Yasashi

  • Student of War
  • Ready to start fightin' for real?
Re: Parallel Entanglement (Working Title)
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2015, 02:31:17 AM »
.... And then, DOPPELGANGERS!!!!

Keep going, mangs!!  This can't be the end of chapter 1!! Q ~ Q;;

Also, make sure you have an outline first.  All great stories, whether fan-fics, short stories, or novels, have one, which should map out a beginning, middle, and end of ur story.  You don't have to show it to us, just reveal it as you make the story happen.

Between Two Dimensions - Arc One Complete

"War is a grave affair of state; it is a place of life and death, a road to survival and extinction.  A matter to be pondered carefully..."  -Sun Tzu's Art of War


  • Seg Fault
Re: Parallel Entanglement (Working Title)
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2015, 04:48:58 AM »
Chapter II

      Marisa quietly walked through the forest, carrying her unconscious counterpart over her shoulder, and a broom in the other. She knew exactly where she was going. There's a seldom used cellar underneath her house that nobody ever notices. Perfect for hiding her other self until her objective is complete.

      As she walked she began to wonder in amazement how this Gensokyo had managed to avoid the fate that befell hers. This Gensokyo reminded her of good old days, where everything existed in harmony. Back then, the only bad thing to ever befall Gensokyo was the occasional incident, and she didn't even mind those much, since they gave her an excuse to be with Reimu. Those were the days that Marisa was happy.

      And then The Angel came.

      Marisa vividly remembers that day. Six wings of death descended on Gensokyo as the sun rose and laid waste to everything they crossed paths with. Like any other incident Reimu and Marisa set off in pursuit. The Angel fought a hard battle against the two, unleashing endless volleys of bright lasers like poisonous snakes of water spewing forth from a fountain. The duo managed to dodge the lethal beams for quite a while, but they were not untouchable. A few minutes into the battle, Marisa took a laser to the stomach and blacked out.

      When she next regained consciousness, she was lying in a bed in Eientei. Where the resident doctor, Eirin Yagokoro, was tending her wounds. During the treatment she learned that Reimu continued pursuit of The Angel and that neither had been seen since that morning. Marisa began to worry then, and she began to hope with all her heart that Reimu was okay. But the nightmare was only just beginning, because the next day The Angel returned.

      And then The Empress was born.

      The Angel took over Gensokyo, and within a week established a totalitarian rule over the land with The Empress as its governor. Gensokyo began to decline from that moment forward. Everyone either sided with The Empress or was killed for their defiance. Marisa, and a bunch of Reimu's other friends, formed an insurgency to combat The Empress' rule. But they were fighting a losing battle. Hope began to fade when Yukari Yakumo, the one person that had given them an edge against The Empress, mysteriously vanished. Then they began to be overwhelmed on all fronts.

      And then Marisa and Sakuya came up with the plan.

      Marisa knew that the only person who could defeat The Empress was Reimu. But Reimu had disappeared. So, together with Sakuya and a magician by the name of Patchouli Knowledge they devised a plan to enlist the help of another Reimu. They decided to try and punch their way into an alternate timeline, one where The Angel never came and Reimu never vanished. The plan was a huge gamble, considering the vast multitude of things that could've gone wrong, but it was the only real option the insurgency had left. And so, Marisa and Sakuya, along with Koishi, who volunteered to come along, traveled to this Gensokyo to enlist Reimu's help.

      But what about their alternate selves? If one of them showed up before they could fully convince Reimu to help them, they could potentially jeopardize the whole plan if they appeared at the wrong time.

      The solution was simple. Marisa and Sakuya would just impersonate themselves until they complete their individual objectives. Marisa would handle Reimu, while Sakuya would try to enlist the help of this world's Patchouli, since they no longer have the support of their own Patchouli. Once everything is set in motion, they'll let their alternative selves go. Koishi, on the other hand does not have to worry about this problem as much, since her alternate self isn't as close to Reimu as the other two and would likely be hard to notice anyway. Her task is to enlist the help of this world's Yukari in order to make the trip home.

      Back in the present, Marisa has reached the cellar. After carefully unbarring the large, old, wooden doors, she stepped into the darkness below.

      Inside, she bound her unconscious alternate self with a nearby rope and gagged her with a piece of cloth. Then she picked up her other self's broom, hakkero, and hat, and stepped back out into the night air, slamming the cellar door shut behind her.

      It felt so good to be holding ?her? broom again.

      It's going to feel so strange being in the mansion again after having been away for so long... Thought Sakuya as she silently flew towards the distant silhouette of a large structure.

      She sight of the mansion made her reminisce about the time she spent with her mistress, the vampire Remilia Scarlet. Life was simpler back then. It only consisted of cleaning, bossing fairy maids around, and tending to her mistress's wishes.

      But then her mistress was killed for defying The Empress, and everything changed.

      It's going to feel so strange to see her alive again as well...

      I wonder if they would've let me join the insurgency if they knew about what I've done... Koishi thought to herself as she marched onwards along the forest road.

      Her third eye began to hurt as she walked. So she stopped for a moment, pulled a small, tin box our of her pocket and opened it.

      Only five left. Well, its nothing to worry about. They'll last me long enough to see Her pay for the damage she caused. And then I can go back to being a walking vegetable...

      Koishi sprinkled a small, white pill into her palm and swallowed it. The pills were made by Eirin Yagokoro in order to keep her ?sane.? The pills are capable of temporarily reversing the permanent seal she placed on her third eye and allowing her to think rationally. Without them, her eye would spring shut again and she would revert back to an empty shell operated entirely by her subconscious.

      Why do I even take these, when my third eye can do more harm than good when its open? She would sometimes think to herself. She had experienced firsthand what can happen when her eye is open, the scars on her third eye serve as a constant reminder.

      She remembers when The Angel found her and forced her third eye open with powerful magic. She remembers how The Angel tortured her until she did The Angel's bidding. She remembers how precise her control over the subconscious mind can be when she can rationally think. She remembers the victim's mind as the The Angel made her scramble it beyond repair. She remembers the blood-curdling screams for mercy when she was forced to sever the victim's connection to reason and let The Angel's corrupting words worm their way deep into the victim's thoughts.

      And then The Empress was born.
      And that is why Koishi resolved that once both The Empress and The Angel were dead, she would make sure that nobody could force her eye open ever again.

Tsuken Yasashi

  • Student of War
  • Ready to start fightin' for real?
Re: Parallel Entanglement (Working Title)
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2015, 04:40:33 AM »
Not just a doppelganger, but A MULTIVERSE VERSION!??!?!?!?

Suspenseful build-ups?  Establishing the MFKER who killed/ruined ur __Insert Blank Here___?  Koishi the Protagonist???  Okay, at this point, you know what you're doing!  Keep going, mangs!! Story is getting interesting!

Between Two Dimensions - Arc One Complete

"War is a grave affair of state; it is a place of life and death, a road to survival and extinction.  A matter to be pondered carefully..."  -Sun Tzu's Art of War


  • Seg Fault
Re: Parallel Entanglement (Working Title)
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2015, 05:19:35 AM »
Chapter III

      The clearing looked perfectly normal at first glance. The wildflowers were in full bloom, the birds were singing, and the occasional fairy flew overhead. If one gazed into the center of the clearing, however, it becomes immediately apparent that something is amiss. A pattern of distorted ripples, emanating regularly from a central point traveled through the air. At the edge of the clearing, a small crowd of youkai and fairies had assembled to observe the phenomenon. Among them is the shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei.

      Marisa had noticed her too. This was her chance to enlist Reimu's help. However, she has to be careful. One wrong move and the entire plan could be jeopardized. Well, here goes nothing. Marisa thought as she steeled her nerves and walked out into the clearing.

      “Hey, Reimu! What the hell happened here?” Marisa asks.
      “I have no idea. Some people in the Human Village were complaining about some kind of bright flash that happened in the forest last night. So I came here to investigate and found that.” Reimu replies, gesturing towards the ripples.
      “Any idea what it is?”

      What if I told you that I know what it is... was the sentence that Marisa formed in her mind. As she was about to transform thought into words, an unfamiliar voice began to rattle her eardrums.

      “There you are!”

      Startled, Marisa immediately glances in the direction of the voice. Running towards her is a short, blonde girl, dressed in blue and white attire, with a small doll of some kind hovering near her shoulder.

      “I was waiting for you to show up all night!” says the girl as she reaches Marisa, “Do you know how worried I was!?”

      Panicked thoughts began to race through Marisa's mind. She did not anticipate that her alternate self would know someone that was completely alien to her. After a split second of thinking, she decides that the best thing to do now is to play along and hope this person goes away.

      “Oh, yeah... Sorry about that. I got jumped by a youkai last night while collecting mushrooms and got knocked out for a few hours.” Marisa replies, “It's a good thing none of those flesh-eating ones found me when I was unconscious! Heh... Heh...”
      “It must have been some youkai to be able to get the jump on you... Anyway, you should be more careful while you're out there. I don't want you to make me worry like that ever again...”
      “I won't. I promise.”
      “Hey, Alice, do you know anything about this?” Reimu interrupts.
      “All I know is that last night there was this huge flash last night and it looked like it came from here.” the blonde girl answers “That's about it.”
      “Damn. Well, I guess I'll ask Yukari about this. Maybe she'll know something.”
      “Then it certainly looks like I came here at the right time.” a fourth voice chips in.

      The group quickly faces the direction of the new sound and finds themselves looking upon a woman with long, blonde hair, adorned in purple and white attire, carrying a broad, white parasol.

      “You know I hate it when you sneak up on us like that, Yukari.” says Reimu.
      “I know.” Yukari Yakumo replies with a smirk, “Now, I understand that you need to ask me something?”
      “Yes. Do you know what that thing in the middle of the clearing is?”
      “Of course, I felt it open last night.”
      “Come on, Marisa. Reimu and Yukari will handle things here. Let's head to my house and make up for the time we lost last night.” says Alice with a wink as she seizes Marisa's right hand.
      “Huh!? Uh, okay...” Marisa awkwardly stammers in surprise as Alice begins to drag her away.

      “So exactly what is it?” Reimu continued as Alice and Marisa began to leave the clearing.
      “A fracture.” Yukari replies.
      “A fracture in what?”
      “One of the boundaries of reality. A boundary which usually should never be broken.”
      “Which boundary is it?”
      “And that's bad, right?”
      “Usually, yes,” Yukari pauses, “but thankfully this fracture seems to be stabilizing. Those ripples should disappear completely in a few days and the fracture will close naturally. However, there are other things we should be concerned about.”
      “Like what?” Reimu asks.
      “What made the fracture would be a good place to start.”
      “True. So what could've made something like this?”
      “They have been known to occur randomly, but the chance of that happening, even in my long lifespan, is infinitesimally small at best. So something powerful likely had to force this to occur.”
      “To what end?”
      “We have yet to see.” Yukari replies before gazing at the ripples for a few seconds. Soon after, she conjures a large, purple void next to her, “Anyway, I should get going. You know where to find me if you gain any new information, provided I don't come to you first.” she says as she steps into her gap and vanishes.
      Reimu stood alone in the clearing. The crowd from before had dispersed after Yukari arrived.

      Well it certainly looks like this is going to be a long day... she thought to herself.

      Well that idea backfired! Marisa thought to herself as Alice dragged her along the forest path. Okay, don't panic... I'll just keep playing along until this “Alice” girl gets distracted, and then I'll quietly slip away...

      Alice, while not showing it externally, was growing a bit worried. Something definitely  seems... off... about Marisa today... she thought as they silently strode through the trees.

      “Don't worry, this will by only temporary.” says Sakuya as she admires her handiwork.
      “Mmmmmph!” replies another Sakuya, bound, gagged, and lying on the floor of her closet.
      “Don't try to scream, either, because we both know that your muffled voice won't carry past the door.”
      “Mmm-mmmph! Mmmmmph!
      Sakuya grabs the closet door, “Once again, I'm sorry it had to come to this, but I have a very important mission to do, and I can't take the risk of you messing it up.”
      “MMMMMPH!!” the other Sakuya screams as the door shuts.

      Sakuya took a second to gaze into the mirror. It had been forever since she last worn a maid's outfit. She kind of missed the look. After quickly checking her appearance, she began stepping towards the door and into the hall beyond.

      “Good morning, Sakuya” says a familiar voice.

      Sakuya performed a quick glance to her left and began to stare. Her mistress, Remilia Scarlet looked exactly how she remembered her. Short, light blue hair, an elegant pink dress, two large, black wings and a rather charming, charismatic smile. A warm feeling began spreading over Sakuya as she struggled to maintain her composure.

      “Sakuya?” Remilia asks after a few seconds, “Are you alright?”
      “Yes, mistress. I'm fine.” Sakuya replies, “Just fine...”

      The Assassin arrived that afternoon.

      The clearing was vacant at the time, so nobody was around to feel a peculiar, rapidly intensifying, electrifying sensation in the air. Nobody was around to see the ripples increase in frequency. Nobody was around to see a figure, clad in black leather, and a large wispy, white leviathan slip through a short-lived, white crack that appeared at the center of the ripples.

      The Assassin was notorious for slaughtering members of the insurgency. Her skill with the sword, as well as her stealth, earned her the fitting alias of “Shadowblade.” In fact, nobody ever refers to her by her real name anymore.

      The great, white specter she travels with is her deadliest weapon. After she became the Empress's assassin, she began using a forbidden technique to subdue her enemies. She could send her apparition to literally tear the soul out of an unfortunate victim and consume it. The size that it has managed to attain by fattening off of souls is undeniable proof of how effective this technique is.

      Shadowblade took to the air, searching for signs of the insurgents that made their way here. She scanned the horizon until her eyes settled on the silhouette of a mansion looming in the distance.

      There. She thought to herself. One of them will definitely head there...

      Then she drew her sword and flew off towards her target.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2015, 01:26:00 AM by Evil_Nazgul0616 »