This is just the first half, I have a second one planned and so may update this post later, but as I want to see people suffer, I decided to post it already
This one will not be judged, obviously, unless Ruro somehow decides on it :V----------------------------------------------------------------------
Touhou Sekuhara - Wild and Horny HermitBecause she had been sealed for really long Byakuren never found true love. Then she meets a new person and they will stand against all of Gensokyo for their love. Totally romantic <3Touhou - Rated: M - English - Emo/Romance/Sexx - Chapters: 2 (only one finished) - Published: July 28, 2010 - ByaKasen <3Do you believe in love at first sight?
No?
Well, Byakuren Hijiri, who everyone just called Becky
(Because she has a weird and hard name, okay? I'm not gonna learn to type that!!!!) also didn't believe in it.
Well, makes sense, right?
After all, Becky had been sealed by some stupid human for thousand years or something like that, so she didn't get to love anyone. Because she was sealed, she didn't get to live in Gensokyo, which is a magical world full of girls and nothing else, and everyone is totally yuri there and they're suppa kawaii and have sex all the time.
In Gensokyo everyone is Patchouli's bitch. But she doesn't show that, because she is totally a secret mastermind, so people think it's Reimu and Marisa who do stuff, but they're really just getting mindcontrolled by Patchy.
(Yeah, take that, armpit fetishists!) So Patchy is like the Haremm@ster of Gensokyo, and she's totally cool and gothic, but not really evil, but she is just lonely and wants friends
(yeah, she's not just after sexx!), but that's a secret for everybody.
So Byakuren was sealed by some stupid human or something and so she couldn't live in magical-yuri-land and was depressed and horny, and because she couldn't move with the seals, she couldn't do anything about it.
But after 1000 years Reimu and Marisa
(and Sanae, but she's a slut, so she doesn't count), who were mindcontrolled by Patchy beat up and sexxed all of Becky's former friends and then they broke her seals and she was free and they fought and then she sexxed them because Becky was totally stronger
(She just let you win in the game because it's a game, loser!). In Gensokyo, that's called "drinking tea with the shrinemaiden".
So Becky was drinking tea with the shrinemaiden with the shrinemaiden and the witch and the slut all at once and then she used the goheis and the broom and they all went to heaven.
Like, literally.
Tenshi was totally shocked and she wanted to drink tea with the shrinemaiden too, but Becky just kicked her from the clouds and then she fell down and died but she revived because she's an angel or something and then she came back and wanted more because she liked it.
So, Becky totally sexxed everyone but she wasn't feeling good still. Because she could fulfill her secual desires, but she really wanted much more. She wanted to feel real love
(see, she's not just a sexx-beast!) and so she was really depressed when she noticed that she didn't have a partner in Gensokyo. So then she opened a temple because Becky was totally like a monk and could do cool miracles and stuff and she was young and needed the money
(She didn't age in those thousand years! She's, like, thirteen or something!)And because she had sexxed them so much Reimu and Marisa and the Slutae totally wanted to be her harem, but Becky didn't love them so she pushed them away because she didn't want to hurt their feelings and she felt really bad because of it but she knew it was for the best.
And so because Becky was really beautiful and had a really good character and was really powerful and she protected people and stuff all the girls fell in love with her and they all came to the temple to talk to her and then they sexxed and Becky got really depressed because she had to push them away because she couldn't love anyone because she is such a deep and mysterious girl.
(And they were all mindcontrolled by Patchouli anyway, ya know!)But still they all came to be sexxed because Becky was teaching how to sexx properly at the temple.
(It's what they do in Buddism, okay? A friend told me and he's like, really smart! Buddism is all about desire and that stuff!)And when no people were coming, Becky still had to sexx her youkai-followers that also lived in a temple, but not Ichirin, because she had an old geezer sugar daddy named Unzan who was totally fisting her all the time and also not Nazrin, because she is Nazrin. And also not Murasa, because she has Captain Pimp and she's like a ghost so she can't be sexxed.
So in the end, she really only had to sexx Shou, who is a tigergirl and so she had like really much energy to spend and she also had a big spear that they used when drinking tea with the shrinemaiden
(Yeah, I bet you totally forgot what that means already!)And so Becky was really depressed everyday because she loved noone in Gensokyo and she totally didn't even like sexxing anymore and became emo and tried to slit her wrists but since there are no razors in Gensokyo she couldn't even do that.
So one day Becky was walking through Gensokyo with all her harem behind her and they were all playing instruments and as usual Becky had to fight off all the people wanting to sexx her when she was out and the shrinemaiden and the slut wanted her to drink tea with them but Becky didn't want to. And the other slut was always stalking her and taking photos because Becky was so beautiful.
Soon they reached a really high cliff that was really nice with the sunset and all and there was someone standing on the cliff.
It was a person that Becky didn't know, but she like right away knew that this was the person that she had always been searching for and so Becky fell in love and became all hot and wanted to sexx her at once.
The girl on the cliff was meditating because she was a hermit and her name was Kasen and she had a bandaged arm and a big flower on her dress and a weird hairstyle. Becky wanted to ask her for her name but Becky's harem was suddenly behaving totally strange.
They all started to drool and look like they had rabies, except Ichirin, but she was at home with Unzan anyway, because youkai like to eat hermits and even if they didn't know who she was they could smell she was a hermit and so they wanted to eat her.
Becky screamed "No!" but it was too late and Murasa was already looking totally psycho and wanted to eat Kasen, but Kasen suddenly turend around because she had heard Becky scream and when she saw the ghost she immediately removed the bandages and there was no arm and she transformed that into a cannon and sucked the ghost in!
(Because she can totally do that, it didn't happen yet but I have a friend in Japan who is a samurai and he knows the artist and he told me it will happen!!!!)Then Nazrin attacked and Kasen took the bandages and caught her with them and started to strangle her and Nazrin's face was all getting blue and she was begging for mercy but the hermit didn't stop because killing evil youkai was her job. But because she was busy she didn't notice that Shou was tying to kill her as well, but Becky saw it and she shouted "I won't let you kill my one true love, f***ing bitch"
(She was emotional, okay?) and she used Devil's Resignation or something like that and turned into Superwoman and then she totally ripped Shou into pieces but she did it painless because Shou was her friend.
When she died Shou realized what had happened and said "Live happy with her" and smiled and so Becky didn't have to feel bad about killing her. Kasen was really amazed when she saw it and she pulled on the bandages and broke Nazrin's neck and when she died Nazrin gave Becky a thumbs-up and Becky was really happy.
And then they were all alone and Becky ran to Kasen and asked her who she was and told her that she lover here and would never let her go. Kasen answered that she was the "Wild and Horned Hermit" and they looked into each others' eyes and started kissing and then sexxed all night long....
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And then, stuff happened......
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Chapter 1 End
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Someone kill me, please! PLEASE! ;_;