I admit, SquidTentacle's was good.
(note: I have nothing to do with judging these stories)
SquidTentacle
It feels weird to say that my primary criticism is that it was dark. But it is fair to point out that dark stories often turn people away. And I know it was dark because it actually made me laugh. See, I can't quite cope with death very well, so I often laugh when faced with things that are morbid as a way of coping, since laughter is much easier to face than depression. So yeah, when something becomes difficult to read, regardless of quality, the fact that the audience has trouble reading it to the end will often turn them away.
Second, I note that it wasn't quite a touhou story. I mean, Orin was there, but at it's core it was a story about facing death; who was there wasn't as important, and it could have been a hallucination or anyone and still held about same impact. I mostly point that out because one of the primary advantages of this fandom is to use the unique abilities and attributes of the characters, which you did, to form a story that wouldn't be possible anywhere else.
The only possible concrete flaw I could point to is the main character's back story. All things considered, your use of logic, your presentation, heck your story as a whole was executed exactly the way it should have been, and the only things left to critique would be the story itself. It's very well written.
It's pretty good, but I do not want to say it's the best story. The reason is simple - When Sect said you wrote the best story, I mixed up yours with CS's and I thought I agreed with Sect. Then I realized that he was refering to your story, not the one about the bully. Thus, the fact that Sect thought yours was the best improved my opinion of the story I thought was yours without actually changing anything about the story. It's a psycological phenominon where people like what's popular, and while author's should take advantage of that phenominon, judges shouldn't be swayed by it.
CS - Your story is also pretty good. Though the turn-about for your bully isn't in character. In fact, your bully falls well into parody, but it's very satisfying. Keep in mind, he falls under the psychopath personality - he appears to have literally been born without a conscience, and thus, he wouldn't be able to form one at any point in the story. The ability to empathize would not ever develop in this type of person. Ironically, because your story has a concrete flaw I can point to, I have less to say because I don't have to look for things that would make your story better, or critique the story aspects of your story. Though many of the same things that applied to SquidTentacle apply to you - it's hard to read through because it's dark but not the same emotional kind of dark as squid's, and while it does get into the touhou canon faithfully it could apply to any canon.
Both:
Also, beware the OC. Some people will not read a story that starts with the OC. That is because the first thing they know about the story is that it won't be about a touhou character. It might be better to start the stories with Orin and Yukari, simply so that the reader knows it won?t be all about your OC. Once you get your readers past the first few lines, you?ll be golden, but if the first thing they knew is that it?s about someone they don?t know being a bully or dying, they may not even bother with the rest.
