| ~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore |
| The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up! |
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| Alfred F. Jones:
Aya was always an excellent character, but I still found my opinion of her going up and up as I read this story, first as I was proofreading and second as a reader. Somehow, I think the defining moment for me was the line: >She stepped onto the sidewalk, lifted her face to the sun, and walked home, just like any other person on the street. I fully expected her to say "screw it" and fly off-- but she didn't. And to me, that showed me just how much she had... grown? Learned? over the course of the story. And her last letter makes the entire ending so wonderfully bittersweet. I can't overstate how much I enjoyed reading this story, Ammy. Thank you for this. |
| Tengukami:
The pleasure was mine. This actually started out from a WWC: "death of a loved one". But then the story changed as I started outlining it, and it kind of got away from me, and well ... here we are. It's a bit more subdued than I expected it to be. There was a scene I cut out, in fact, where Koji and Hitomi had taken LSD, and Aya tried it as well. At one point in their trip, she tells them she can fly, and says, "Watch!" and does it. But of course by morning Koji and Hitomi are convinced they were just hallucinating. This was a tongue-in-cheek jab at the whole anti-drug hysteria about LSD making people leap off buildings and such because they believe they have the power of flight. I ended up cutting that out because for one, I wasn't really confident on how casual soft drug use would be taken, and second, I couldn't find any concrete research on the effects of LSD on birds. But most of all because it seemed like it would've been a long way to go for that joke, and it would've been shoehorned in there. But I was sure that Aya would want to try and blend in as well as possible. At the same time, her instincts pull her in the other direction. That's sort of why the harbor played a big part in this. Incidentally, I lifted the names of every other character from some of my favorite Japanese authors - Hitomi Kanehara, Koji Suzuki, Hideaki Sena, Ryu Murakami, etc. |
| Iced Fairy:
I was hoping for more, but it was still a good ending, and a nice sendoff all together. I've always liked flavor pieces like this, and the polish that went into it shows. It gives me more desire to kick past my block and finish my own short. |
| Tengukami:
--- Quote from: IcedFairy on October 07, 2010, 09:40:17 PM ---I was hoping for more, but it was still a good ending, and a nice sendoff all together. I've always liked flavor pieces like this, and the polish that went into it shows. --- End quote --- Thanks, that means a lot. I agree this could've been fleshed out more - going to the beach, or a road trip some place, or more journalism assignments, maybe chatting with Yukari and giving her an "update", Mork and Mindy style. There's a lot of possibilities with the whole "Touhous in the outside world" format. When I take another run at this style again, I'll definitely breathe more dimensions into it. As far as the polish goes ... after writing a rough draft, then editing it, I sent it to Ruro for her edit, then gave it another edit of my own, and then edited each chapter again before posting. You can't be too thorough, largely, and getting another set of eyes on it always helps. --- Quote from: IcedFairy on October 07, 2010, 09:40:17 PM ---It gives me more desire to kick past my block and finish my own short. --- End quote --- Glad to hear that! |
| Dan-Heron:
ah, this is one of those stories which only bad thing is that they ended. It was quite enjoyable while it lasted, a very refreshing view on Aya. Really makes me want to write that idea I had with the Tengu trio |
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