Phantoms of the Past (Completed!)

~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore

<< < (2/5) > >>

RainfallYoshi:
Well, the basic frame was to write something of a story on what went on during this time rather than "Oh well, he died and they left. Layla was sad. She made poltergeists. The end." So I'm not necessarily taping myself to canon, more of expanding on what's there. Hopefully I'll improve over time since those first few segments seem rather short and spacey. Then again I did want to make this something of a snapshots kind of thing where it's not necessarily a big epic story that goes from start to finish in full detail. Rather, you get short glimpses of what's going on through Layla's perspective.

Like I've said in the first post, all criticism is encouraged. ^_^

Nina-Edit for a new chapter!

It was quite a windy day today. Layla strolled through the large garden behind the mansion. It was her favorite place to go when she was sad or wanted to think. She approached the entrance of the massive hedge maze she had always loved to explore as a young child. Funny that she referred to herself as a young child? she was only just thirteen now. Layla stepped into the maze and began to wander. She took turns here and there and swirled around in the massive maze as if she was trying to get lost. That wouldn?t happen though? she had been through this place so many times that she knew every twist and turn backwards and forwards.

   ?Little sister where are you? How many times have I told you not to wander around the maze??

   Was that Lunasa? Wait? what day was it today? That?s right! Lunasa was leaving today! Layla had been trying to forget it, she didn?t want her eldest sister to leave. She sighed to herself and looked up at the sky. What was happening to her world now? ?Layla! I?ve wandered in here just to say goodbye to you now where are you?? Maybe if she was quiet and didn?t answer Lunasa would look for her forever and wouldn?t leave. She couldn?t leave without saying goodbye right. Layla nodded to herself as if to think that it was a good idea. She took off without another thought. Running down leafy corridors and taking wild turns every which way. Yet she still knew exactly where she was. It was if the large hedge maze was her kingdom that she could roam forever.

   ?I told you we shouldn?t play hide-and-seek in the maze Lyrica! I can?t find Layla anywhere and she won?t call out to me. Father won?t like this?? Layla giggled to herself. She never won at hide-and-seek but this time she had the best of her sisters. There?s no way they could keep track of the maze. Layla had the advantage at last. She crept silently and quickly through the maze as she avoided her sisters, keeping track of where they were by their voices. She avoided them for what felt like hours and not once did her excitement die down. She would be the winner of the day! Just then she ran right into her eldest sister Lunasa. Whoops, she hadn?t been paying attention for just a bit too long. They both fell to the ground with a thud.

   ?Aw man you found me? I guess you win again Lunasa. Drats!? Layla folded her arms and pouted a bit. She never got to win at hide-and-seek, even with the home field advantage! ?Honestly Layla, what?s been up with you lately? What exactly did I win?? Layla shook her head and realized she had been daydreaming again. Lunasa was staring at her curiously, a suitcase in her hand.

   ?You can?t leave us Lunasa. You just can?t? we?ve been together as sisters forever.? Layla fought back her tears, though it took her every ounce of her strength. ?Father would want us to experience the world and travel. That?s what I?m doing? I?m going to travel out there and see all I can see. I can?t stay cooped up in this mansion anymore.?

   Layla didn?t understand, she didn?t want to understand. She didn?t want her big sister to leave? but she knew that nothing would change things now. She gave her big sister a hug. ?I?ll miss you big sister!? With that, Layla took off into the maze once more as tears streamed down her face.

   ??Bye Layla, be a good little girl you hear me??

RainfallYoshi:
Dearest sister Layla,

   How are you doing? You?re being a good girl right? I hope all is well with you, Lyrica, and Merlin. I?m writing from Scotland, can you believe it? It?s so beautiful here, I think you would really love it. There?s rolling green fields everywhere and tons of flowers just like we have in our garden. It?s quite breathtaking. I?m going to be here for another few days before I continue my travels. Can you guess where I?m going next? Australia! You remember father teaching us about that place right? I bet you?re jealous that I?ll get to see a kangaroo, aren?t you?

   I?m sorry for leaving you sister, but it?s something I needed to do. I felt as if I was slowly withering away in that mansion. I know father would be proud that I went out to chase my dreams, so please cheer up okay? I?ll still write letters whenever I can. I miss you Layla? and I miss Lyrica and Merlin too. I don?t know if I?ll ever come back to the mansion, but know that I will always love my sisters more than anything in the world.

   I?ll write again soon dearest sister.
      Love, Lunasa

   Layla stared at the letter that was now taped to the side of her mirror. It was the only thing left of her eldest sister other than her memories. Moonlight came in through the window just enough for her to reread those familiar words on the parchment. It had become a nightly ritual to read them before she went to bed. With a sigh, Layla walked over to her bed and jumped in, burying her head face first into a puffy white pillow. Her thoughts always drifted towards when the next letter from Lunasa would arrive. It had been two months since that letter and Layla doubted she would ever get another letter. Layla sobbed into her pillow quietly for what seemed like hours before she finally fell asleep.

Myschi:
I've always loved the Prismrivers' backstory, so massive kudos for fleshing it out a bit~ Loving the story so far; reading Lunasa's letter actually brought a tear to my eye. And I'm loving the snapshot setup, because filling in every little detail would be a massive undertaking.

Also, about that planning thing: Damned be planning! My best ideas come at the spur of the moment!

Curiosity, though; how old were the sisters when the Count died? (I don't think it's in the wiki, else I'd check there)

And a single piece of criticism, which is just me being all nitpicky: You may want to separate the dialogue by paragraphs when a new speaker pops up. It looks a bit nicer and - in my case at least - is a bit easier to read. But, again, that's just some nitpickery. Keep up the good work!

RainfallYoshi:
You know the funny thing? I actually thought to myself as I've been writing "don't I usually separate dialogue?" and then shrugged it off. I'll be doing that from now on if it's easier to keep up with. I'm really glad you're enjoying it, I was gonna keep writing it whether anyone did or not but it's nice to know that it's enjoyable.

About the age thing... I haven't really thought about it it's mentioned in the garden chapter that Layla is 13 at the time of the story and she's the youngest.

---

Layla peeked into the study, barely cracking the door open. Even with father not around anymore she still felt as if she shouldn?t be in there. She slowly pushed the door open with a long creak as the ancient door swung on its hinges. She looked towards the grand desk in the middle of the room, almost expecting her father to be sitting there as always. Despite how long it had been since he had died, she still had these thoughts. Layla shrugged it off and looked around the room. Bookcases that scaled to the ceiling lined two sides of the room, filled with books about countries around the world and ancient customs. The large window in the back gave a spectacular view of the flower gardens.

   ?I almost miss being scolded by father when I snuck in here??

   The room smelled dusty, probably from the disuse. Layla couldn?t recall a time when there was dust in the study, father always insisted on keeping it perfectly clean himself. He didn?t even make the servants clean it, he did it all himself. Layla suddenly got an idea and bolted out of the room. When she returned she had a basket full of cleaning supplies. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail and she had changed into a maid outfit, a Halloween costume she had from last year.

   ?It?s time to make this study spotless again!?

RainfallYoshi:
Yawn! Layla sat up and rubbed her eyes, but to her curiosity it was still dark all around her? and? she wasn?t in her room. She found herself sitting at the desk in the study. She still had her maid?s outfit on and the basket of cleaning supplies on the floor. Oh that?s right? she had just finished cleaning the study and had sat down for a minute to rest. Layla stood up from the chair and walked to the large window in the back. She looked out at the garden illuminated by moonlight. Rainbows of flowers waved in the wind of the night and the hedge maze stood at the back like a massive palace. It was a cloudless night and the moon was very nearly full.

Now wide awake from falling asleep so long ago, Layla decided to go sit outside in the cool night for awhile. The garden was very beautiful during the day, but she had never realized how much more beautiful it could be at night. She ventured out of the study, through large hallways, and out the backdoor in the kitchen. The cool night air was refreshing as she walked over to a bench near the reflecting pool. She stared at her reflection for a long time, thinking about nothing but thinking about everything at the same time. Despite how relaxing the moonlit garden and midnight air was? Layla couldn?t shake the feeling that something was getting ready to happen.

Meanwhile? on a distant side of the mansion, a thief was climbing in through an open window on the first floor. Was that Lyrica?s room?

Navigation

 Message Index

Go to full version