Fresh Faces in the Kaleidoscope (Completed!) (+Epilogue)

~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore

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Chaore:
I give a good hearty clap to you. One of the best written things I've seen in a while. Enjoyed reading it all the way to the end. You've taken one of the worst kinds of plots for a fanfic and turned it into something great.

Esifex:

--- Quote from: Emiya Shirore on August 18, 2010, 09:09:18 PM --- You've taken one of the worst kinds of plots for a fanfic and turned it into something great.

--- End quote ---

That caught me off guard - I almost felt like crying from that kind of praise.

Thank you, everyone :O
I think I can honestly say this is my first story that I wrote up for fun, for just writing for myself, that I didn't get bored with halfway through, and that actually got some good feedback. Damn, this feels good.

Esifex:
Director's Cut

During the final fight scene there, I had a few ideas going on pertinent to Yukari's dialogue there with Koishi.

"'Sorry I had to get mixed up in this'? What?" Koishi stares hard at Yukari, as though she wants to force her way into Yukari's mind.

"You're one of the few people involved who knows the whole story. You're also one of the few people around who'd be able to leave the Barrier, track Sara here down, and undo what will be done. You can't be allowed to remember. I won't touch anything else, I swear by it."

"I had potential? How the hell would you know?!"

Yukari slaps me. "How do you think I knew you were telepathic before you did? How do you think I knew you were different compared to mundane humans? How do you think I knew how you'd behave outside the Barrier? How do you think I know all this?"

I stare up at her, forcing myself to meet her gaze. Unfortunately, I can't maintain it, and I glance down. I blink at the closed Third Eye hovering over her chest.

"Wait..."

"Yes. I'm already telepathic. I'm a demi-goddess, Sara; I'm practically the one responsible for Gensokyo's existence. I know everything that happens here, everything that happens outside the Barrier."

"Then - when we were at Mayohiga - why didn't you -"

"I already knew you didn't trust me well enough. You've got a healthy dose of human prejudice in you - since I acted with an air of authority that you weren't willing to recognize, you stopped trusting me fully. Ergo, Koishi had to come in and act as intermediary."

So nice of you to ask her, first.

"One does not give a goddess permission."

That little bit was cut out because 1)I'm pretty sure Yukari really ISN'T telepathic, and I didn't wanna stray tooooooo far from Canon Touhou, and 2)I don't dislike Yukari enough to make her into a Mary Sue.

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