English, with Ran Yakumo (SCHOOL'S OUT, GO GET SOME SUNLIGHT DAMMIT)

[Hello Purvis]

* Kuma raises a hand

Teacheeerrrr! It's meeee!
Have sex with me!

Sorry kid, I got enough warrants on me from enough alphabet agencies without needing a statutory rape charge on me too.

[E-Nazrin]

"Er nemt a meser in gayt zakh hengen."

You have Ruka to thank for my books on Yiddish. :3

Is this a Yo Momma joke? It better be a Yo Momma joke.

You're so warm it hurts.

The US Highway System is designed into one big-ass, global scale magical rune. They'll have you believe it was made to hold off the USSR if it ever attacked, but that's not it. If you're good, you'll figure out what it's really for. Here's a hint, those yellow lines are super important.

Damned if I know. Considering the black pavement, maybe a tribute to the Guy Made of Bees?

[Hello Purvis]

When we stopped maintaining the highways proper, society started to collapse. Not the other way around.

That rune? That shit was the American Way. When it was sparking, we had the Civil Rights Movement, we had Scientists regarded as pillars of society, we had the Great Society. Then Nixon screwed it up, and things started to slide. Then Reagan came along, and pretty much let it go to pot. What happened after that? Yeesh.

It still had enough spark to help overpower Communism, and start to bring gays into the American fold as proper citizens. But...well, it's just not got the oomph anymore. Muslims are locked out, you got shits talking about poll taxes and literacy tests, science is a dogwhistle for "those elitist fuckers"... It's trying, it really is. But it's just too badly damaged, and the magic's getting away. We gotta fix it, and fast.

Alright. Now an essay question. I'll give you kids a bit of time on this one: Which alien theories are bullshit, and why.

[dustyjo]

All of them because I said so.

[Tengukami]

FINALLY. A real history teacher.

So tell us about the lizard people. The true story. We can handle it!

[FinnKaenbyou]

Any theory that suggests humanity has even the slightest hope of challenging an alien invasion. Y'know, things like 'they can't survive our germs former residents of Shangri-La', or they're vulnerable to certain elements or colours. They're just floating around to stop the entire planet collapsing into a disastrous depression when it has to come to terms with its own powerlessness.

I, for one, welcome our new <insert trait of new world rulers here> overlords.

[ES-Anthy]

* Anthony enters the classroom through MC Hammer sliding across the front and then to his seat in the back

Teacher, if this rune is so important, wouldn't that mean that Michigan would end up being a rather large center point of it?

[♛ Apher-Forte]

How did Dinosaur die?

[MysTeariousYukari]

Hey, person-sensei, I noticed that your title and follow up message don't match, is that on purpose, or a joke?

[Thata no Guykoro]

* That Guy pulls out a book and reads instead of paying attention

[HakureiSM]

Y'know, fuck this desu shit.

* Haku falls asleep.

[Hello Purvis]

FINALLY. A real history teacher.

So tell us about the lizard people. The true story. We can handle it!

I'll tell you this much, they're not actually lizards. At least, not like science defines lizards, heh. Are they people? Well, depends. Is a dead man still a person?

Any theory that suggests humanity has even the slightest hope of challenging an alien invasion. Y'know, things like 'they can't survive our germs former residents of Shangri-La', or they're vulnerable to certain elements or colours. They're just floating around to stop the entire planet collapsing into a disastrous depression when it has to come to terms with its own powerlessness.

I, for one, welcome our new <insert trait of new world rulers here> overlords.

That's what Italy thought about Ethiopia back in the colonial era.  But yeah, most of that shit? That's just to make people happy so they don't find out the real countermeasures. Wanna know how we're really gonna stop the aliens, whether we need to or not? Ask yourself why there's a spider on every US one dollar bill since ever. That little guy's the real reason they put that pyramid on there, so you wouldn't notice him.

How did Dinosaur die?

That actually was the K-T event. Yeah. Weird. Took me ages to believe it myself.

Hey, person-sensei, I noticed that your title and follow up message don't match, is that on purpose, or a joke?

I'm too real for jokes, kid.

* That Guy pulls out a book and reads instead of paying attention

Y'know, fuck this desu shit.

* Haku falls asleep.

* Doctor Purvis MFD finishes smoke, flicks the butt at Thatguy. Follows up with some chalk for SM.

[Paul Debrion]

* Professor Paul1290 rocks back and forth in his seat, whispers to himself, appears to have eye twitching problem.

[Solais]

* Solais is actually paying attention and is very interested in the subject, also English is not his native language.

[ES-Anthy]

* Anthony slams his desk, demanding any relevance in the highway system and Michigan

[dustyjo]

...Will Ms. Yakumo be returning?

[Rin Kagamine]

* Vic Viper finally wakes up and looks around very confused

[Thata no Guykoro]

* That Guy starts beating his shirt with the book where the cigarette hit it in order to avoid any fire springing up

[Hello Purvis]

* Anthony slams his desk, demanding any relevance in the highway system and Michigan

No one part of a rune's more important than any other kid. You gotta think holistic with runes.

Alright, next one's a fun one. Who was Elvis, really? Go.

[MysTeariousYukari]

Alien Invader? One of the people from Shangri-La, but not small? An actual God? Tell me if I'm close here, please.

[Thata no Guykoro]

A musician, obviously!

[Alfred F. Jones]

Alright, next one's a fun one. Who was Elvis, really? Go.

We-- we're allowed to say it? Like, aloud? And in public? :ohdear:

[FinnKaenbyou]

You, Professor.

[Caber Knight Etch-A-Sketch]

A music youkai?

*doodles on the desk*

[Hello Purvis]

We-- we're allowed to say it? Like, aloud? And in public? :ohdear:

Let 'em fly, kid.

You, Professor.

Man, if I had that kind of money, I'd have better smokes. And a throne made of whores.

Some of you kids are getting warm, I'll tell you that much. Keep going.

[Fetch()tirade]

The first man to ever make others believe he existed when he really didn't.

[P♂ zeal]

Elvis was clearly the infamous tamiflu prismriver

[Hello Purvis]

The first man to ever make others believe he existed when he really didn't.

Getting close. But you're backwards.

Elvis was clearly the infamous tamiflu prismriver

Almost there!

He existed, but he wasn't a man. He was an avatar of Rock and Roll. Not the only one, but the most acceptable one to the masses. There were others; Jimi Hendrix and Elvis were two sides of the same die we call Rock. They weren't born, they were made. And when the stars were right, they were unmade.

They're still out there, somewhere in the cosmos. But without 'em, well...shit happened and look where we are now. There's a cabal of adepts out there, doin' their best to bring 'em back. And I wish 'em the best of luck.

* Doctor Purvis MFD lights up another smoke.

Right, let's get down to some real lecturing. I'm gonna teach you kids about the American Revolution. Now I know some of yall aren't from there, and you're thinking, "What the hell? I don't care about those tosses who use z's all the time!" But bear with me. There's a whole lot of the story they don't tell you.

First thing. The fathers of the revolution? They tell you they're Freemasons and shit. And that's right. Thing is, they didn't tell you what kind of Freemasons they were. They were part of the Counter-Roman Rite. Don't recognize it? Of course not. It died out ages ago, and they were secretive as hell to begin with. So what was the Counter-Roman Rite about? Well, you know how the Catholic Church claims that Peter, the "rock upon which the church shall be built" was the first Pope? Well, the Counter-Roman Rite was all about yanking that rock out. They weren't Protestant, mind you, although they sympathized with the idea a bit just for shitting on the Catholics. But the real cause of the war? The Anglicans were doing exactly what the Counter-Roman Rite wanted to do, and they were winning! If the Anglicans could get a good foothold in North America, there'd be no stopping 'em.

Now, this wasn't just a "My Christ will curbstomp your Christ" dickfight. There were some real stakes in this. Quick, which one of you can tell me what the real stakes were?

[Thata no Guykoro]

The beef industry was at steak!

either that or the fate of world.

[E-Nazrin]

Tobacco, for use as a long-term assassination and population control tool.