Rising Star (Complete At Last)

~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore

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FinnKaenbyou:
"Shou."

A single syllable jolted me awake. I gasped for breath on instinct, still feeling water clinging to me. It was the feel of the hard wood pressing into my face and the realisation that it was only sweat running across my body that convinced me I was still alive.

"Hah...haah..."

My heart was still pounding. I rose to my knees, wiping my brow as I continued to pant. A hand from above offered me handcloth to wipe my face with, and I accepted.

Did Hijiri-sama see me like that and wake me up...?

I looked up, expecting to see Byakuren's disconcerted face looking down.

Instead, I got a pair of expressionless red eyes.

"...Oh. It's you."

I hadn't realised until now that Nazrin was much shorter than me. Even with me on my knees the two of us were looking eye-to-eye without any difficulty. She was wearing a pair of light-grey pyjamas - apparently she'd just stepped out of bed. Her pendant was still hanging around her neck.

"...I guess I woke you up, didn't I?"

I didn't thank her, mainly because I assumed she hadn't intended to help me. I looked away, feeling yet more embarrassment pile up on top of me.

"I'm awake now, so you can go back to sl-"

"You've been up all night, haven't you?"

There was something new in her voice, I noticed. It was the tone a mother would take to scold their child if he'd been up all night eating sweets rather than studying. It hurt a little to know that even Nazrin was lecturing me now.

"I'm not budging until I figure this out."

The pagoda and deck were still lying in front of me, though I'd toppled both in my sleep. The cards were thrown randomly across the floor, several lying with their blank faces up. There were times I found it hard to believe there really was a star hidden under them all - maybe my eyes had been playing tricks on me all night. I wasn't really sure anymore.

"Get some sleep. You're taking this way too seriously."

"How can I not take it seriously?"

I was already tired of Nazrin's ranting. I was tired, grouchy, and about as unsuccessful as I had been all night. I wanted her to leave so I could get back to this, nothing else. It didn't matter what I had to say, I had to find some way to get her out.

"I got chosen for this thing, so I'm special, right? Then why am I messing up so badly? What sort of servant to Vaisravana can't even find one card in a deck!? I owe it to all of you to succeed!"

The words that had been coursing through my head all day finally found a voice. I was letting out the anger, the hatred that I had been aiming at myself. I didn't even care if it woke Byakuren up right now.

I assumed that she would just walk away at that point. Maybe state her disappointment as she walked out the door, swear she'd pass it on to Byakuren and get me kicked out of the temple.

"Since when did you owe anyone anything?"

Nazrin did nothing of the sort, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"You don't have to give us anything in return. That's what love is all about, right?"

My brow furrowed, and I turned back to Nazrin with a puzzled expression. I noticed something crack a little in that face of hers; an emotion finally seemed to be shining through, and from what I could tell it was concern.

"...Love? What exactly is love?"

It wasn't a term I'd ever encountered in my life as a tiger. We stood up for each other, watched each others' backs, but we only looked out for people who were able to offer something in return. If you couldn't hunt or fight, you were a liability to the pack and you were left behind.

That was the law of the jungle. It was common sense. Wasn't it?

Nazrin bit her lip. I could tell she didn't consider herself an expert on the subject, but she charged forward anyway.

"Love is...it's being able to give your heart to another person. Having enough faith and trust in them that you're willing to show them everything about yourself. It's unconditional, it asks for nothing in return."

All her explanation did was confuse me more. None of this made the tiniest bit of sense to me.

"But that's totally wasteful, isn't it? You could get betrayed by this person who you 'love', and then you end up ruined. And what does this love earn you, anyway?"

Nazrin sighed. She obviously realised that explaining it to me in words was like explaining land to a fish.

"...I'm going around this the wrong way. If you've never been loved, of course you aren't going to understand."

She pressed at her temples, stressed. I couldn't say I was in a much better mood than she was, what with the constant failure and the lack of sleep and the nightmares.

I wouldn't have prescribed a hug for myself at the time, but that's what she gave me.

"Uh...wha...?"

My mind fell into a thousand unintelligible fragments. I'd avoided being close to other tigers beforehand, but that was out of necessity in order to keep my secret shame from being discovered. Now that that was no longer a problem, why was I still so shaky?!

Was the nightmare still getting to me? Was that why I was sweating? Blushing? Gibbering and stuttering like a drunkard? I could easily have wrestled myself out of Nazrin's grip given the height difference, but for some reason I decided against it. Despite everything else that the experience was forcing upon me...I couldn't help but enjoy it a little.

"Shou, I want you to listen to me. I've already told you I'm a servant of Vaisravana, but the power he gave me is kinda different from what you have."

Nazrin's voice trembled as she held her head by my ear - a monumental shift from the cold, uninterested mouse I was familiar with. She pulled herself back, clasping one hand around the pendant around her neck.

"I have the power to find hidden treasures. Mostly it's innate, but this pendant was what He gave to me."

She pressed at its side, and the pendant flickered to life, shining a brilliant blue as it dangled in my face. The red eyes that had been so expressionless up until now started to waver, getting ever-so-slightly misty.

"This thing is what led me to you, Shou. You are precious. You are special. I'm sure that behind all this doubt and worry there's something to be proud of. A diamond that just needs a little polish, or something like that."

I was still struggling to follow her words. Looking back now I realise I must have looked like a total moron.

"Then of course you expect more from me. What does that have to do with love?"

Nazrin's hands clenched into fists as her frustration grew. I was still as clueless as ever. No half-measure was going to convince me, it seemed.

"I...I understand where you're coming from. I was in a similar spot to you once - I was the leader of my own group of mice. We never thought about this love thing either, we just got on with life. At least, until the house we'd been residing in caught fire."

She turned away, getting truly emotional.

"I...was the only one who got out. Apparently it was the fault of a youkai, so they called Hijiri in to catch the criminal. She found me, badly burnt and alone, and she took me in. She gave me a form, a name, a purpose - I owe her a lot. But...I've never managed to feel the same love for her as she has for me."

She was choking on her words. I blinked. Was this the Nazrin who'd been prodding me in the face with a dowsing rod this morning, or was I still dreaming?

"You...may have noticed by now, but I'm not really good at this whole 'caring' thing. I get...scared. That if I care about someone it'll hurt more if they get taken away. I lost a lot of people I trusted in one swoop, and...I don't want that to happen again."

Her entire body seemed to be shaking now. Tears were streaming down her face constantly. Any semblance of severity she had posessed before had vanished entirely.

"But...I can't keep it up. I can't just bottle my feelings up forever. I need to be honest, need to let myself out. And...I don't know, I can't put it in words, there's something ABOUT you. Something I was scared of admitting, for both of our sakes."

I remembered how she'd intentionally kept herself away from me at breakfast. Maybe it hadn't been a matter of dislike after all. In fact, maybe it had been the opposite - it would explain why she had been peeking while I was getting changed earlier.

Still, it was a feeling I couldn't return to her. It was too alien, too obscure-

"Y'know what? I've come this far with you, I may as well go all the way. I'd better not regret this."

A hint of Nazrin's old stubbornness rose up in her as she muttered to herself. She bit her lip, looking at me for an instant with indecision. Then the worry in her face gave way, replaced by an emotion I could come up with no logical reason for her to have.

Acceptance.

She grabbed me again, this time with much more ferocity. She pulled my head in to the point where I could feel her panicked breaths on my cheek.

"I'll do it. I'll risk it. I'll put all the faith and trust I have in you. And you know why?"

She took one deep breath, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to do. As usual, I was unaware of what was about to happen. If I was, I'd probably have forced her away right about now.

"Because I love you, Shou."

She pulled my face right in, held her lips out...

And my mind went totally, completely blank.

---

I was in the water again. Sinking, drowning, dying, lost, alone in an endless darkness. I didn't want to be back here. I was only barely conscious.

I heard a sound of some sort. Kicking? I couldn't tell, in this darkness I couldn't make out a thing. It grew louder, though, coming closer all the time.

Help...?

I wrung out a thought as my brain started to shut down. I felt a hand grab at me, pulling my body towards it. I made no attempt to resist. A pair of what I assumed were arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. I could still feel the warmth, at least.

Then, something wrapped itself around my lips. Something warm, something wonderful. It made me feel stronger, more alive. Power started to seep into my body again as I took in a much-needed breath of air.

Pulling my eyes open, I saw that I was being held in the grasp of another girl, as she locked lips with me. Nazrin's ruby eyes looked at me with relief, telling a story without words.

"Thank Vaisravana, you're alive..."

Tears welled up in her eyes as I came back into consciousness. There was something incredibly comforting about her embrace, something that blew every worry I had out of the water.

I could tell she was doing this at great cost. If I weighed her down we would both drown, so it wasn't fair that I did nothing. I returned the gesture, hugging her as tightly as I could.

Nazrin's eyes widened for a moment, but as she calmed down we found ourselves in a passionate embrace. The pendant around her neck shone with a brightness I'd never seen before, filling the water around us with light.

It was beautiful.

I didn't feel any need to breathe, or reach the surface, or anything. Right now, in this moment, in this instant, I was complete. And the only way I could reach this state was through my feelings for another person.

Suddenly, everything made sense.

I've been such an idiot...

---

I snapped back into reality. Nazrin was still kissing me, holding me tighter than anyone ever had. Somewhere I had begun to hug her in return, and now the two of us were lying together on the floor.

It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever experienced, but it had to come to an end eventually. I pulled my head back, and the two of us broke away from the hug. For a few seconds we both just lay there, staring at each other.

"Heh."

We smiled like little girls as we looked at each other. So much of my life had been a matter of simply getting by. I'd felt acceptance, even pride at some points. But I'd never felt an overwhelming, joyful experience like I felt right now.

I'd never experienced true happiness before.

"Hehehe~."

We were giggling now, uncontrollably. The experience seemed as new to Nazrin as it was to me; the only difference was that she had heard about it. This was our first time experiencing this so-called love, and it had left us both giddy.

"Hahahahahaha...!"

Maybe we would wake up Byakuren like this, but neither of us cared. Right now, the two of us were happy together, and nothing could take that from us.

Eventually the delirium stopped, and the morning light made its way into the hall. We picked ourselves up, brushing ourselves off. Nazrin fell back into her normal mood, but I could see the first signs of a smile starting to creep onto her face.

And seeing that made me feel good, for no reason logic could hope to explain.

"...Uh. Breakfast is going to be ready soon, so we'd better get moving."

Nazrin was more attentive to the situation than I was, given I was still pretty tired from my lack of sleep. Still, I held a hand up in protest as I stepped over to the nigh-forgotton pagoda.

"One more try."

Nazrin's expression dropped for an instant, but she nodded as she stepped out.

"I'm holding you to that. Don't make me come back and drag you out of here."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Nazrin."

We smiled once more as Nazrin closed the door on me. Once again, I was alone with this nigh-endless deck of cards. I collected them and put the deck together again, lining up the cards neatly.

I felt cleaner, purer than I had ever felt before. I no longer felt any desire to succeed simply because I had a debt to repay. Byakuren and Vaisravana weren't forcing me to succeed on pain of exile, and they were fine even if I wasn't as perfect as I could be. They would give me time to blossom, to grow, to accept.

To love.

I held the pagoda, focusing on the deck as I had so many times already. The rest of the world almost ceased to be, my attention was that focused on it. Now the pagoda shined with a new light - brighter than Byakuren's, and well on its way to equalling Vaisravana's. The feelings of doubt and duty that had clouded my mind were gone. Now there was a confidence, a faith in myself that could only come from outside of me. From another person.

From Nazrin, the girl who'd shown me what love was.

I wasn't even trying that hard as I cut the deck. I lazily lifted my hand, looking at the card at the bottom of the pile I'd picked up.

I smiled to myself when I saw that from an endless stack of dead-ends, I'd pulled out the star from deep within.

-----

Spoiler: I imagined the kissing fantasy scene taking place in swimsuits. It was hotter than a phoenix crashing into the sun.

Esifex:

--- Quote from: Roukanken on February 17, 2010, 04:15:38 AM ---Spoiler: I imagined the kissing fantasy scene taking place in swimsuits. It was hotter than a phoenix crashing into the sun.
--- End quote ---
This. Very yes.

Seian Verian:
This is amazing. That's... All I can say about it. Keep on writing Rou, I'll be looking forward to the next update~ And every one beyond that.

IcedFairy:
Chosen by a god, finds a cute girlfriend and learns how to draw the ace of spades whenever she wants? All in two days....

"Face it, Tiger You Just Hit The Jackpot!"

brb, pun related seppuku.

I wonder how long Nazarin's been a youkai. And how this will fit in with the events that inevitably follow...

Yamachanadu:
Byakuren will be much dissapoint :V

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