~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore

Rising Star (Complete At Last)

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Paul Debrion: I like how you did this story, it caught my attention easily from the start. That was really nice use of first-person at the beginning.

Dorian White: Learn to think and you learn to dream. Did I already mentioned how amazing this story is?

FinnKaenbyou: "Hm? That's weird." In honesty, I wasn't expecting to see Nazrin still in the corridor when I emerged from my room. I'd spent plenty of time contemplating, so I had assumed she would have just gone on to eat by herself. But still, she was only a few feet away from me when I stepped out, a journey that she could have easily made in as many seconds as she'd taken in minutes. Presumably she was just lazy or something. From what I'd seen of her, she didn't seem to care that much about whether I got lost on the way to breakfast or not. Whatever it was, I was grateful for the direction and trailed behind her towards the temple's kitchen. It was about as humble as the rest of the temple, and well-kept to the point of being able to sustain life. There were a few clay bowls strewn randomly across the table in the room's centre, the window light falling on them as if they belonged to the Buddha himself. At the back, surrounded by the cheapest ingredients that could be bought, Byakuren was stirring what seemed to be some sort of sloppy gruel. The food seemed thick and on the verge of inedible, but she looked down at her concoction with something resembling pride. I frowned slightly, having grown up on a diet of meat. Still, my stomach rumbled to remind me I hadn't eaten since yesterday's hunt, so anything was better than nothing. Byakuren, apparently satisfied with having beaten her meal into submission, turned around as she head the two of us enter. "Ah, good morning to the two of you! Take a bowl and I'll be round in a minute with your helpings." I nodded, sitting down at the closest chair to me. I presumed Nazrin would just sit at my side for the sake of convenience, but she went out of her way to sit as far away from me as she could. She glanced at me for a short while, her eyes almost weighing up my soul with how deep they stared into me, but the instant Byakuren laid her food down in front of her I was old news. She looked down at her food, bored again, as if I didn't exist. I can't say that this upset me greatly. It was my turn to be served next, and Byakuren dropped a heaving dollop of the meal into my bowl. I took a few seconds to examine it - it was grey and lumpy, and as I prodded it with a finger it offered me a surprising amount of resistance. I wasn't sure if I was still hungry anymore. "Come on now, Shou-chan! Eat up!" Byakuren, noticing my awkwardness, stood behind me with a proud grin. I found myself caught between the urge to vomit and the desire to not embarrass myself on my first day here. I-It's not like it'll kill me, right? I started to bow my head down towards the bowl, sticking my tongue out. I carefully - and as lightly as possible - licked at the mixture lying in front of me. To my surpise, it tasted of absolutely nothing. I pulled my head back, looking at my food in shock. Anyone could cook, true, but what normally separated the good chefs from the terrible ones was whether it tasted good or bad. To make food that had no taste at all was a monumental accomplishment - a sign of a genius, though not one whose food would exactly sell. On the other hand, no-one would ever find anything to dislike about it, either. But of course, all of that was secondary. There was one thought running through my head stronger than the rest. Well now that we've got THAT concern out of the way, I'm starving! I dug my hand into the slop, grabbing a handful and lifting it up. These newfound fingers were incredibly handy for the job, and ensured that I managed to fill my mouth with one easy swipe. Byakuren giggled. "Oh, Shou-chan. I forgot that no-one taught you table manners, didn't I?" Cheeks bulging with the nondescript slop, I looked up at Byakuren with confusion. "Mmf?" She pointed across the table, towards Nazrin. I saw her wielding some sort of utensil to take small pieces of the meal up to her mouth, one at a time. Byakuren then guided my hand to an identical piece of wood at the side of my bowl. "See this thing, Shou-chan? It's called a spoon." I raised an eyebrow in confusion as I tried to chew at my food. It was being stubborn, though, and my speech was marred by my mouth being stuffed full. "Buh wah woo ah wahn too eeh sloeh?" (For those who don't speak Eatinglish, that's 'But why would I want to eat slower'?) Of course, this was only a further social no-no, and Byakuren quickly cupped her hand around my mouth. "No talking with your mouth full~" As breakfast wore on, I found myself breaking more and more of these rules for eating - don't eat it if it falls on the floor, don't wipe your mouth with the tablecloth, don't start eating until you say out loud that you've humbly received your meal, don't leave the table until everyone else has finished eating even if Nazrin is taking teeny tiny bites and you're sick to death of waiting for her...all of which seemed perfectly reasonable to Byakuren, but completely pointless to me. As Nazrin finally got to the last few bites of her food, I groaned and rested an elbow on the table, leaning my head onto it. "You humans have such weird ideas. We tigers just eat and move on, really..." Byakuren nodded, while shuffling my elbow off of the table. By now she didn't even need to tell me that wasn't allowed - it seemed like she was taking back every other action I made. "You'll get used to it, don't worry. After all, Nazrin here used to nibble at her food incessantly. She was so loud back then, but now you can barely hear her." Glancing back at her, I saw Nazrin bow her head slightly at the mention of her. Maybe my eyes were tricking me, but I could have sworn I saw a hint of red on those cheeks of hers. I didn't take the time to consider it. Everyone else was thanking some unseen person for the meal...was it Vaisravana? Because even if He was incredibly powerful, offering thanks for something He played no part in was sort of overdoing it. A prod on my back was the sign I'd spent too long thinking this over, knocking me out of my trance. Nazrin was pointing down the corridor, where Byakuren was quickly making her way back to the main hall. "It's your first time. Don't screw up." !? With those words alone I felt a crushing pressure on my shoulders. Nazrin stared blankly at me, unaware of the strength those words held. I couldn't screw up, could I? I'd been offered so much by these people. A new home, a new life, a break for the day-to-day hunt for survival I used to call 'living'. If I turned around and fell flat on my face now, I'd be letting them down, wasting the effort they'd put into me. I couldn't allow that. "Y-Yeah, sorry. Thanks, Nazrin." Offering her a stuttered piece of gratitude, I darted down the corridor to catch up with Byakuren. If I was late I was putting everything in jeopardy, so I couldn't let that happen. I would succeed. I had to succeed. Because...if I didn't succeed, didn't that make me a waste of time?

FinnKaenbyou: I caught up with Byakuren as she stepped into the main prayer hall. The morning light hung on the statue of Vaisravana, and for a moment I almost thought He had returned in person to train me. The lantern I had been left was still in its original place, untouched and forgotten following last night's scandal. I tried not to let her see I was sweating from my sudden dash to catch up. If there was anything I wasn't used to, it was screwing up - and given I already owed these people, messing up now would just put me further back. I didn't like owing people favours - not out of reluctance to pay them back, but because I didn't like depending on other people. I was a pillar for others to depend on, not the other way around. "Hmm...I think it should still all be there..." Byakuren peered into the gap behind the altar, reaching down into it. The first thing she pulled out was a set of what seemed to be robes, a set similar to what Vaisravana Himself wore. It was made of red and orange cloth, with a striped pattern at the waist that reminded me of my old fur. I shivered at the sight of it. "We can't have you training in that nightrobe of yours. This was meant for a man to wear, but it's...rather baggy. It'll fit you fine." She handed me the robes before turning back to the altar and digging back into the space between it and the wall. ...I'd better do this quickly. Watching Byakuren to make sure she didn't turn around, I undid the nightrobe and threw it aside in one swift action. Then came the struggle of pulling the new clothes down onto me, my arms fumbling through the long white sleeves. Sure enough, there was plenty of room in it - whether that meant the clothes were baggy or I was rather flat wasn't a question I felt like dwelling on. "...Eep." A murmur came from behind me. My mind froze. ...No. She didn't... Reluctantly, I tilted my head around to the entrance. The door lay slightly ajar, but despite her best efforts to hide herself a pair of mouse ears were still plainly visible. I bit my lip, blushing. Just, um...pretend she didn't see anything. M-Move on... After some struggling, Byakuren finally pulled out what seemed to be a a deck of cards, the kind humans would use to play games with one another. What made this deck different, though, was that it was much larger - just from sight I could make out two hundred, three hundred, maybe even more. They all seemed to be blank on the bottom as well. With her other hand, she pulled out another card of the same make as the rest, but on its other side was a single 5-pointed star. "This should do!" Byakuren walked over to the pagoda, taking a seat next to it and crossing her legs in an unusual manner. It didn't look comfortable or viable...probably another of those weird human things I would have to pick up. She placed the star card on top of the deck, before shuffling it at a speed even my eyes had trouble following. After thirty seconds she placed the deck in front of her and pulled the pagoda over. "Now, Shou-chan, this should work as the first step in your training." She grasped the pagoda with one hand, gripping it tightly. It started to let off a dim light - nothing compared to Vaisravana's, but it was clearly spiritual in its origin. "You should know, first of all, that Vaisravana is a god of fortune. Therefore, if you learn to tap into His power..." She was gritting her teeth a little as she spoke; apparently this wasn't an easy task for her. Still grasping the pagoda, she reached down to the deck with the other hand. Then, widening her eyes as if reaching an epiphany, she grabbed at the deck and cut it in two. "...you can come across as impossibly lucky." She lifted the bottom card so I could see it. My jaw dropped. She'd cut it right at the star card. The odds of it were hundreds-to-one, but she'd pulled it off on her first try. "W-Wow...Hijiri-sama, you're amazing..." Cries of amazement slipped from my mouth, but my mind was caught up in other matters. She honestly wanted me to pull that off? Find one card in a deck of hundreds? Was that even possible?! "Now, Shou-chan, it's your turn." She put the deck back together, shuffling it thoroughly again. Standing up, she handed me the deck and the pagoda with a confident smile on her face. "It might be difficult to channel Him to start, but I have faith in you. Just empty your mind and focus." "R-Right. I'll...try." I stuttered out a response as I accepted her gifts. I copied Byakuren's sitting pose, placing the deck in front of me. "...Okay. Focus. Focus." I had to pull this off. Byakuren was watching me, and more than likely Nazrin was poking her head in to watch me screw up. Dammit, it was her fault I was so nervous now. I'd have made it fine if it wasn't for her, why did she have to remind me?! Too much thinking, not enough focusing! I shook myself, trying to get back to the task at hand. I couldn't screw this up. Look at the deck. Grab the pagoda. Drop your left hand down. Get a feel for the cards. Concentrate. Concentrate- "There!" It had to be this one! I grabbed at it, lifted it up, looked at the card- "...Oh." It was blank. Byakuren's face fell slightly. "Well, that's a shame. No-one ever does it right their first try, though. And actually getting a response from Vaisravana with no former training is incredible!" She was looking at the pagoda in my hand. Looking at it, I realised the light I could produce from it was dimmer still than the original. My heart sank. I screwed up, didn't I? "L-Let me try again." "Of course. That was the plan, Shou-chan~." How could she still be so cheery? I was failing her after all the effort that had gone into me. There was nothing to be proud of - I hadn't found the star. I'd failed. I shuffled the deck again, placing it back at my feet. I grabbed the pagoda again, with more force this time. I can do this. Empty my mind. Nothing but me and the deck... I let that last thought guide me, and I let my eyes focus on the cards in front of me. The rest of the world fell out of focus. I had to get this right, I had to- "Gh!" I cut the deck again, lifting the top half into the air. It felt better, it felt right this time. I looked upon the fruit of my efforts- And found myself looking at a blank card once again. "...Damn it." I felt my hand clenching around the deck, threatening to crush it in my grasp. This wasn't funny, this was embarrassing. I was looking like a real idiot now, and everyone could see it. "One more time." I could see Byakuren's face slipping from pride to concern as I shuffled the deck again. She had every right to be concerned, didn't she? I wasn't delivering. I was messing up. Another shuffle. Another bout of focus. Another cut of the deck. Another failure. "Shou-chan..." Byakuren's words stung as they reached me. I felt a needle running through my heart. Shame slipped into my mindset. What's wrong with me? They gave me all this power, and I'm still no good...? "Again!" Shuffle, focus, cut, fail. "Again!" Shuffle, focus, cut...fail. "Again!" I was getting desperate. This was taking far too long. I should have figured it out by now but I was as hopeless as ever. Byakuren held a hand out to me in worry. "Shou-chan...you can sto-" "I'm fine! I'll do this!" She coiled back, as if my words had hurt her physically. Her lip trembled for a moment before she nodded. "...Alright. You can stop at any time." With that, she left the hall. I was alone. I don't know how long I sat there, shuffling and cutting the deck. I saw the morning rays fade into the faint, welcoming light of the afternoon, then into the cold, uncomfortable grasp of the evening. Once or twice Byakuren had poked her head in, offering me lunch or dinner. I refused as politely as I knew how - time I spent eating was time I spent not practicing this. The look of doubt she wore as she left afterwards made my heart sink even lower. My legs felt like they were ready to snap off. I hadn't taken the time to stand since I'd started. Every time I went through the same ritual, the same process. Every time, I failed. "...Just...focus..." Looking to my side, I noticed I couldn't even get the pagoda to shine any more. Clearly it had been a fluke on my part, and now my true abilities were showing. Or lack thereof. I didn't know why I was still trying any more. It was obvious I was never going to figure this out. Or maybe there wasn't anything to figure out at all - maybe it was a setup. I'd checked the cards themselves for clues - ones with rough edges, folds, anything Byakuren could have used. I found nothing. She would probably have cried if she had found out I didn't trust her. But of course I didn't - her actions made no sense. Why would she take me in and accept me if in the end I'd end up so incompetent? I half-expected her to walk in and throw me back out to the pack any second. That would have at least made some sense. I noticed the floor was wet at my feet. Had I been crying again? I ran my hand across my face, and winced as I felt tears still running down them. "...Why? Why can't I do this...?" Was I being fooled? Was I just not up to the task? Was there some trick I had to figure out before it would work? I closed my eyes as I pondered the idea. I was obviously more tired that I would have admitted, because I drifted back to sleep in a hurry... --- I was here again. I looked around, seeing myself encased in a familiar-looking star. Other than the faint light that its walls gave off, there was nothing to be seen. There was no feeling of disconnection this time. I was totally aware of everything going on. Looking down on myself, I still saw the robes of Vaisravana hanging on me. Slowly, I started to realise I'd misinterpreted the dream from last night completely. Yes, I had come to my own aid and strengthened myself. I'd endeavoured to do my best and make Vaisravana proud. But as I ran a hand along the wall, I found that all I'd done was trap myself. I was asking myself to do something I couldn't, and worse yet there were people depending on me. I had trusted myself, and let myself down. I was no hero. This wasn't like my life among the tigers, where I'd been a perfect rolemodel for everyone around me. I was a screwup, a washout, a failure. I was no star. Around me, the walls began to crack. "Aah?!" Somehow I knew it was my own doubt that was causing things to fall apart. Dreams apparently gave me insight like that. But still, even as the water started to seep in, climbing up past my feet and up to my knees, I couldn't find any reason to believe otherwise. What did I have to believe in myself for? The sound of the star cracking filled my ears, accompanied by the roaring waves. The water was at my waist now, and still rising. Last night's trance-like state felt like a distant memory, and now the panic I should have felt then was returning two-fold. "H-Help! Someone! I can't swim!" At my chest, my shoulders, my neck- Crack. I looked up, hearing a sound louder than anything else. I had just enough time to see the ceiling come apart before the water came down on me. "Ah, aa-aglb!" I didn't even get time to catch a breath before it hit me. I felt myself spinning, getting dizzy even though I'd clamped my eyes shut. The water was freezing, and my arms wrapped around myself to keep some semblance of warmth. I opened my eyes to see total darkness. "G-Glb..." I'd lost track of which way was up after all the spinning. All I could see around me were the dank, black waters. I had no idea where to go, and even if I did I'd never be able to make it in time. My chest hurt. Why couldn't it be like last time? I thought dreams were supposed to be comforting, relaxing? If I'd known about nightmares, I'd probably have been slightly less terrified. Not much, but it'd be worth something. "Gleeelplb!" I screamed, kicking in the first direction that came to mind. I had no technique, no finesse, and no way to tell if I was headed for the surface. I knew I wasn't going to make it. "Uuuglb..." I felt the strength in my legs fading. They weighed me down like lead, and I started to sink again. The little air I had was trailing away into the distance. As a last effort I managed to outstretch one arm to what I hoped was the surface. My eyes slowly slid shut as I lost consciousness. For the first time, I felt completely and truly powerless. Please...someone help me... That was the last thought to run through my mind. Then, nothing- --- I still don't like leaving on cliffhangers...expect an update as soon as I can get it out. :|

Esifex: I would kill to be able to have epic card-finding skills like that.

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