~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore
Close My Eyes
♛ Apher-Forte:
you should still make it more comprehensive by paragraphing, it doesn't reduce the amount of importance in a sentence, what you need to do is to mark it where it matters.
otherwise it is kind of hard to read.
Esifex:
;~;
FinnKaenbyou:
--- Quote from: Esifex on January 31, 2010, 06:20:29 PM ---;~;
--- End quote ---
Alfred F. Jones:
Oh GOD.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. ;______;
Okay okay analysis. Zwei and A-F are right. You need some line spacing, badly. I found one spelling error my first time around:
--- Quote from: SenSageUn on January 31, 2010, 06:02:17 AM ---The knife gleams in the flamelight and reminds me why I?m hear.
--- End quote ---
Should be "here".
And don't you dare say that you're a bad writer. It is a credit to your abilities that this story managed to give me an emotional beatdown the way that it did, even without optimal formatting. Well done.
Now if you'll excuse me-- ow, my heart. ;_;
Gpop:
The only criticism I have is the formatting like the others say. Just space out them paragraphs.
Now if you'll excuse me...I think I have something in my eye...*sniff*
* Gpop goes to a corner a bawls as he finishes up his chapter