| ~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore |
| Close My Eyes |
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| ♛ Apher-Forte:
you should still make it more comprehensive by paragraphing, it doesn't reduce the amount of importance in a sentence, what you need to do is to mark it where it matters. otherwise it is kind of hard to read. |
| Esifex:
;~; |
| FinnKaenbyou:
--- Quote from: Esifex on January 31, 2010, 06:20:29 PM ---;~; --- End quote --- |
| Alfred F. Jones:
Oh GOD. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. ;______; Okay okay analysis. Zwei and A-F are right. You need some line spacing, badly. I found one spelling error my first time around: --- Quote from: SenSageUn on January 31, 2010, 06:02:17 AM ---The knife gleams in the flamelight and reminds me why I?m hear. --- End quote --- Should be "here". And don't you dare say that you're a bad writer. It is a credit to your abilities that this story managed to give me an emotional beatdown the way that it did, even without optimal formatting. Well done. Now if you'll excuse me-- ow, my heart. ;_; |
| Gpop:
The only criticism I have is the formatting like the others say. Just space out them paragraphs. Now if you'll excuse me...I think I have something in my eye...*sniff* * Gpop goes to a corner a bawls as he finishes up his chapter |
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