~Hakurei Shrine~ > Patchouli's Scarlet Library
Kilga's Garbage Dump (updated 5/27/2015)
Kilgamayan:
oh man i'm back
For those that do not follow my Dumblr, the fourth image in this photoset fascinated me so much that I ended up writing a story about it, one with a higher word count than the Touhou/Quantum Leap crossover. (Warning: Artist's Pixiv has a fair number of NSFW images.)
The tricky thing with this story, though, is that I didn?t want to write something so sexual as what?s depicted in the image in question. I actually wanted something as realistic as possible. I sometimes get story ideas by looking at strange, sexual-or-easily-sexualized situations, remove all of the sexualization, and try to find a positive, practical resolution to the situation.
The result is below. I hope your enjoy it!
---
Something was off.
This was a major concern. In the world of Kasen Ibaraki, nothing is ever off. But there was no denying it; something was off.
Kasen wiped the last of the sleepiness out of her eyes with her good arm and sat up. These actions were strange. They felt?heavier than normal. Nothing straining by any stretch of the imagination, but noticeably different. Throwing the top of the futon off of her body, she quickly looked herself up and down. Nothing appeared to be different. Frowning, she flexed her arms a couple of times, and then her legs. No pain, no difficulty, just?a weird heaviness.
She got dressed and headed to her kitchen to prepare breakfast. After serving her various pets, she sat down to her own food. The heaviness, whatever it was, had not gone away.
I wonder if something is wrong with me. Perhaps I should consult the Lunarian physician today?
No worries, dear, nothing?s wrong. You?re just fine.
Bestowed with the sudden self-reassurance, Kasen took a bite of her breakfast.
Delicious and nutritious, just as always.
Of course! The best way to start a day.
Kasen stopped chewing and dropped her utensils in the table.
Wait a minute. I know that voice.
She looked around the kitchen, her head still bizarrely heavy. No one else was present.
?Okay, Seiga, knock it off. Where are you??
Why, I?m right here, dear.
?I don?t have time for your games. Where. Are. You??
Oh my, there?s no need to shout. I told you, I?m right here.
Growling, Kasen stamped around her mansion, looking through every room, her temper only rising as the unknown heaviness went with her. The blue-haired hermit was nowhere to be found, however.
Come now, you?re all in a tizzy. I know you?re better than this when you?re calm. Would you at least like a hint?
Exasperated with the rapidly-souring morning, Kasen threw her hands into the air.
?Sure, why not??
?Try checking your mirror.?
?Checking my...wha-!??
Shocked into silence, Kasen?s hands flew to her mouth. She had just?responded to herself. But?she didn?t say all of that.
Did she?
Kasen ran as fast as she could back to her bedroom and stood in front of her full-length mirror. The woman that stared back at her was no different from normal; short pink hair with double buns, white blouse, green skirt, rose-pattern tabard.
And then the woman spoke with a smile.
?You found me!?
Kasen?s heart skipped several beats as she realized those words had come out of her mouth. With her voice.
How?what??
Oh, may I communicate this way again? This is much more convenient, don?t you think?
Wait! What? How are you hearing me? How am I hearing you? What?s going on?
Oh, that?s easy. You?re such a fascinating individual, I just wanted to get you know you better! But you?re so awfully, terribly, cloistered about yourself. Your mind, your heart, your soul, you?re so protective of everything.
That doesn?t mean you can just enter my house and control me like one of your jiangshi puppets!
That?s not it at all, dear. You see, the way you?re so protective of yourself, one might say?you?d built a fortress around yourself, to keep people out. A protective fortress, with some incredibly thick walls?
?You?You can?t be saying?
So I did the only logical thing. I opened a hole in that wall you built and stepped through! And now I?m here. Isn?t it wonderful~?
Kasen dropped to her knees, clutching her head and shaking in sudden terror.
?No?No?No?
I?m afraid so. But come now, I?m not that bad a roommate, am I?
NO! STOP! GET OUT! RIGHT NOW! GET OUT!
Calm down, dear. This state, it doesn?t suit you at all.
SHUT UP! GET OUT! JUST?GET OUT!
Not with that attitude, missy. You need to get a hold of yourself. If this is how you?re going to act, then I?ll just wait until you?re doing throwing your fit before we try this again.
NO! GET OUT OF MY HEAD RIGHT NOW!
Breathing heavily, Kasen looked wildly around her room for something, anything to fix the situation. No solution presented itself, no matter how hard she tried.
Several minutes passed with no word from Seiga. Kasen slowly slumped the rest of the way to her floor. Tears started to form in the corners of her eyes.
?Are you finished? Can we try talking again?
?Why?why?why is this happening?
Kasen heard a sigh in the back of her mind.
Look. I?m sorry to have spooked you so, dear. I promise you, that wasn?t my intent. Truly. Now, can we please discuss this situation?
?please?let me be?
I don?t want to hurt you, Kasen. That?s not why I?m here. Please, just listen to me, and we can work this out.
Kasen couldn?t think of a response, electing instead of lay on the floor, sniffling.
?I?m going to pick us up off the floor now. Okay?
Still nothing.
?I?ll take that as a yes.
Kasen watched and felt her arms move to push herself back into a sitting position, the rest of her body moving to accommodate. It was a bizarre sensation, feeling herself move around without wanting it, exerting the physical effort but not the mental. Her arms planted themselves behind her, supporting the weight of her torso, as her legs stuck themselves straight out in front of her.
There we go, much better. Still not the most dignified look, but that?s not so important now.
...Why are you doing this?
Because you?ll get all dirty lying on the floor like that, and that doesn?t suit you.
Not that! ?Why did you do this to me?
I told you, didn?t I? You?re such a fascinating individual, and I wanted to know more about you.
By crawling inside my head?!
Well, technically, I?m not just inside your head. I think it?s more that I?m inside?you, in a way. But I suppose it may make the most sense to think of me as inside your head.
What does it matter where exactly you are? How did you even DO this?
If you?ll forgive me for saying so, the details are unfortunately hard to describe, and I don?t think they?d mean anything to you even if I tried.
Kasen tried to resume a normal breathing pattern. It took some time and effort, but soon she got herself under a semblance of control.
Okay. So?all right. Please give me a moment.
Certainly~
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
All right. This is the situation we?re in. You?re?in me, somehow, because it seemed like a good idea at the time. And we can talk, or whatever this is, just by thinking.
That would seem to be the case, yes.
So?what exactly can you do?
Anything you can, like so.
Kasen?s head tilted so she was looking at her bad arm. Her eyes followed it as it made a few figure-eights in the air.
That?s a bit frightening, to be honest. Not to mention disorienting.
Why not try it for yourself?
Shrugging, Kasen made to mimic the aerial pattern. Before she could complete the first loop, however, her arm suddenly stopped in mid-air, meeting some sort of resistance. Frowning, she pushed a little harder, and got a little more motion before the resistance increased and her arm stopped again.
As I said, anything you can. It appears we?re in equal control.
Okay, that?s REALLY frightening. You?re telling me that I can?t do anything without your approval?
That works both ways, dear. And since my body is inside you, I imagine that whatever happens to you also happens to me, so I have a vested interest in not messing around very much.
Is?is that where this heavy feeling came from? You?
Never ask a lady about her weight, dear~
Uh?right. So?what do you plan to do, now that you?re here?
Well, I admit this trip wasn?t quite as enlightening as I had hoped, so I?ve had to scrap several ideas. It seems that not all of them have gone to waste, though~
Kasen suddenly became aware that one of her good hand?s fingertips was sensually sliding up the length of her left thigh. She jerked the hand away.
HEY!
Ah, come now, dearie, this opportunity doesn?t exactly present itself to me every day! You take such gooooood care of yourself, too...
The rogue hand started making its way back toward her torso. Kasen calculated where it was headed and promptly froze it in place.
NO. Absolutely not. Don?t even think about it. That is NOT okay.
Oh, well, if you insist?
I do.
Understood~! So what else would you like to know?
Right, yes. So how are you going to leave?
Oh, that is an excellent question!
?And?what is the equally-excellent answer?
That is another excellent question! You?re such a smart cookie, dear. I promise you, the instant I figure the answer, I?ll be sure to let you know.
?Wait?what?
Well, surely I would have told you such an important detail up front if I knew it. What kind of a person do you take me for?
So?you don?t know how to get out of me?
?Tee hee~
If Kasen's hair buns could have been blown off by pure rage, they would have found themselves through the ceiling.
WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE, THEN?!?
I figured I could just turn around and leave the same way I came in. But that doesn?t appear to be an option now. Who knew this process was so complicated?
SO I?M JUST STUCK LIKE THIS FOREVER?
Now, now, I?m sure there?s some way to return us to normal. Isn?t there a satori that lives underground? Perhaps she could help sort us out.
?Uhhh?I, uh?I don?t know about that?
I?m not sure what other options you have. Unless you?d like to ask the gap sage for help?
...Eeeeeeeeegh?I guess?if we HAVE to go underground?
You shouldn?t be so nervous. I?m sure things will work out fine!
Kasen felt her hand poking the corner of her mouth in an attempt to make her smile. Under different circumstances, it might have worked.
Very well. If this is what must be done?I?ll do it. But how do we get there?
I can take us there, if you?re willing. You can stop me any time, of course.
I?think I would rather you simply tell me where to go.
No joyride for your poor roommate? Ah well, have it your way.
Kasen shuddered at Seiga's choice of words.
Oh, come now. You don't have to pretend you dislike me! Besides, you wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, now, would you?
---
The flight to the entrance to the underground was not long, and soon the hermits found themselves heading through the various tunnels.
So for all this, you haven't told me much about yourself, have you?
I think you've already gotten far more familiar with me than I ever wanted anyone to become.
Oh, that's wonderful! It's like we're bosom buddies already!
Kasen made a noise somewhere between grunting and choking.
But I did notice you don't live alone. That was quite the volume of animal mouths to feed this morning! I didn't realize you were such a pet person.
Of course. I've found that woodland creatures are much more enjoyable roommates than other people.
Oh? What do you mean?
Animals have a beautiful simplicity to themselves. Their wants and needs are very basic. They don't get caught up in the complexities present in every facet of humanoid life. They make it through every day, and when you help them out, whether they really need it or not, they're very grateful.
Ah, I see! That is all very true, isn't it? How romantic a view of life you have.
It's only logical. I have no problem with most people, but they're too high-maintenance.
Life is a lot simpler and easier when one discards worldly desires, yes? All anyone really needs is food, shelter, and a hobby or two. Everything else is varying levels of decadence.
Ahead, Kasen noticed a green-haired girl in a bucket, digging around in a rare small patch of dirt. The girl looked up as Kasen went by and waved. Kasen smiled and waved in return.
Exactly. Like that girl there, there is no glitz and glamour to her, just hard work and self-sufficiency. She knows how to live simply and properly.
Yes, and her tsuchigumo friend is much the same way, from what little I have noticed. It does make me wonder, though. You take care of all of your pets, but what about taking care of yourself?
Ah, that's simple. A sharp mind can only be honed in conjunction with a sharp body. I keep a rather strict meditation and physical training regimen to keep myself at peak performance.
Ooh, that sounds quite tough. What precisely do you do, then?
Kasen found herself discussing her habits with Seiga, both her own upkeep and that of her pets. She was surprised with herself when she realized how easily it all flowed, but at that point she didn't mind. Every so often, Seiga would impart information about her own life as well, such as how airiness was one of her ?hobbies?. The wicked hermit claimed her mannerisms kept people on their toes. Kasen wasn't sure it was the best method, but she couldn't disagree with its effectiveness.
Eventually, Old Hell came into view. Kasen slowed to a halt at the entrance to the grand cavern and stood there, looking out over the city.
What's wrong, dear?
I...am not good with oni. They somehow manage to take life simplicity and make it extremely high-maintenance. It would be a very clever thing if they weren't rowdy with inebriation every waking second.
Ah, I see. Fortunately for you, the satori's mansion is on the outskirts of the city, over here.
Kasen's head and eyes turned to follow her arm pointing at a large manor to the east of the city. The sudden shift in perspective made her a little dizzy for a moment.
Oogh, I don't think I'll ever get used to that. At least I won't have to deal with it for much longer.
Sorry, sweetie. Anyway, that is your destination.
Kasen surveyed the area between where she was and the mansion. She was pleased to see that a lot of it was river, and that there was a fair amount of space between the city proper and the mansion grounds. Still, while the direct route would not require entering the city, it offered no cover.
Looks like I'm going to have to fly low to the water to have any chance of getting by unnoticed.
Hmm hmm hmm...may I try something, dear? I promise it won't harm you.
...What are you planning?
To try to give you an option for hiding. I can't guarantee it will work, but trying and failing is better than not trying at all, don't you think?
...Very well. But one wrong move, Seiga, and Great Maker help you...
Of course, of course. Now, let's see here...
Kasen watched as her focus shifted to the cave wall next to her. Her good arm raised itself until her hand lightly touched the top of her head, between her hair buns. Her wrapped arm reached out for the wall. She then felt a small, strange sensation of power flowing through her wrapped arm, an energy that appeared to originate from the top of her head where her good hand touched it.
Seiga, what are you...!?
Kasen's eyes widened as a hole formed in the cave wall. It was several feet in diameter and fairly deep. It would be no trouble at all to climb into the hole ? as her body then demonstrated for her, pulling itself into the wall before turning around to give her a more protected view of the city.
There! Now we have some more hiding options.
Wha...how is that possible?
Well, dear, I did say I was inside you, didn't I? I'm not just a voice in your head, you know.
Still, though, I would have thought you would need your hair pick to do that.
I do, which is why I wasn't sure if it would work. But it seems I can harness it just fine!
...I see...
So, with that established, let's get out of this hole, shall we?
Kasen nodded and clambered out of the wall back to the cavern entrance.
...Okay, Seiga...I'll do it.
Hmm?
I can't make those holes, and it would be too much of a risk to try to coordinate our movements. So...I'll do it. I'll let you have control, if you can get us through this.
OH! Oh, Kasen, dear, do you really mean it? I promise I'll take good care of your body! I'll feed it every day, and I'll clean up after it, and-
Don't make me reconsider this, please.
Oh, fine. You know, you could stand to learn a thing or two about having a sense of humor from the black-white.
Just?let?s get this over with.
As you wish! Just sit back, relax, and enjoy flying Air Kaku!
Kasen felt herself being picked up in the air, in preparation for the trek across the water. Her head and focus shifting of their own volition again, she became dizzy again and started tensing up, resulting in her body going through rather stiff and jerky motions to take to the air.
Kasen, dear, when I told you to relax, I wasn?t joking. I?ll handle this, so just don?t worry, okay?
?Um?I?ll try?
Kasen let go of the tension in her arms, and found that they stayed in the air of their own volition. It was a curious sensation, somewhere in between resting them on a piece of furniture and having them carried around like she was a marionette. Seeing this first success, she then let go of her legs, followed by her head and neck. Nothing untoward happened, and soon enough, she was being taken along the outer wall of the giant cave, skimming close to the water, one hand placed upon her head just to be safe.
In the midst of using most of her willpower to beat back her nerves, Kasen felt an odd exhilaration in the whole experience. There was something?free to having her body and focus moved around for her, requiring no effort on her part to control them. She briefly wondered if this was one more thing she could give up to make life easier, before promptly dismissing the idea as absurd in general and cruel in particular to whichever person would effectively be kept imprisoned in her body. Somewhere in her mind, Seiga giggled and said she wouldn?t recommend it either.
The trip was more eventful than Kasen would have liked, as much as she had to admit that Seiga did an excellent job of keeping alert and hiding in the cave wall the few times it was needed. She wondered exactly why and how Seiga was so well-versed in not being noticed by people she didn?t want to notice her, a thought to which her ?roommate? didn?t respond. Eventually, they landed on the manor grounds, well away from the city.
And there we are! My job is done, so here you go.
Kasen suddenly felt her entire body go limp and caught herself mid-fall before she completely crumpled to the ground in a heap.
Gee, thanks. So this is it, huh? Let?s not waste any time.
Making her way around to the front of the mansion, Kasen passed by a stone pillar that roughly matched her in height. The pillar had a plaque that read ?Komeiji? embedded into it; Kasen silently thanked the fates for averting the near-disaster of not even knowing her soon-to-be-helper?s name.
Arriving at the front door, she gave it a few solid knocks. After a small amount of activity beyond it, it opened to reveal a redheaded kasha, smiling from ear to ea?wait, does she have two pairs of ears?
?Hiya, strange lady! What can I do for ya??
?Hello. Is the master of the house available??
?Uhhhh, maybe. Whatcha need??
Kasen put a hand to her head. ?I have been having some neurological issues lately. I understand Miss Komeiji has experience in this field and may be able to help.?
?Mrrr?wait here, okay??
The kasha closed the door most of the way. Kasen listened to the activity inside, at one point hearing what sounded like ?Satori-sama!? from the kasha?s voice. Eventually, a second, quieter voice was also audible, though Kasen could not make out what it and the kasha were discussing.
I hope that was good enough. I?d hate for Miss Komeiji to think I?m here to ask her to invade someone else?s privacy.
Oh, I?m sure we?ll be fine, dear. I imagine she will at least be interested when she hears two sets of thoughts coming from what looks like one person.
That would make sense. I pray you?re correct?
The activity inside became louder and closer, until the door swung open to reveal the smiling kasha again.
?Okay, pink lady! Satori-sama says you can come in and see ?er!?
Kasen nodded. ?Thank you. Please, lead the way.?
?Gotcha!?
The kasha bounded off up the flight of stairs that landed right before the front door, turning left and disappearing almost as soon as she reached the top. Kasen had to hurry just to keep up. Upon reaching the peak of the stairs and looking down the left hallway, she spotted a pair of tails disappearing through a doorway on the right.
Heading through it, Kasen found herself in a sitting room. Lacy doilies were scattered everywhere across the furniture, while several unfamiliar portraits occupied parts of the walls that were not covered by the giant bookcase in the near corner. A particularly squishy-looking armchair on the far end of the room was occupied by a pink-haired satori youkai, who regarded Kasen with a raised eyebrow. A book laid face-down on her lap, presumably still open to whichever page she was on before guests arrived. Standing next to her was the kasha, looking no end of pleased with herself for a job well done.
This must be Miss Komeiji. I wonder why she chose a chair so far away from the bookshelf?
?Walking between the bookshelf and this chair provides a small amount of exercise. It does no good to the mind to try to read while the body is not energized.?
Kasen jumped a bit in surprise before reminding herself that this was precisely why she was here. The kasha giggled a little bit. The satori placed the book face-down on one of the arm rests of her chair and stood up.
?Forgive my rudeness. I am Satori Komeiji. Welcome to the Earth Spirit Palace, Miss Ibaraki, Miss Kaku. I can see now why you?both have come here. This is a most curious case indeed, hmm??
The kasha blinked.
?Uh? ?Both?? Satori-sama, my name?s not Kaku or Ibawhatever! And you know why I?m here!?
?Of course, Orin. I was referring to our two guests here.?
??But there?s only one!? I don?t get it!?
Satori turned back to Kasen. ?You did tell her?? Ah, no, you did not. Orin, while you may only see the body of one person, it currently contains the?being of two, I suppose is the best way to put it.?
?Oh. ?Okay! I still don?t really get it, but it must be true if you say so, Satori-sama!?
Kasen cleared her throat. ?Yes. Not to rush you, but now that the confusion is cleared, do you have any idea how to rectify our predicament??
?I may. Miss Kaku, you can still harness your hair pick?s effects, yes??
?I can indeed~?
Kasen felt her head nod up and down in confirmation. She immediately grabbed it with both of her hands to stabilize it, trying not to fall over from the disorientation. Through her slightly blurred vision, she could see Satori making her way across the room.
?Good. Please do so. I?m going to try connecting directly to both of your minds.?
Satori reached out and gently touched Kasen?s forehead with a single finger. Kasen felt her arm take residence once more upon her head. A curious sensation perked up; it seemed some sort of low-level energy was trickling through the hermit, starting at her head and gradually working its way down. It was not wholly pleasant, but it was far from painful.
?Wha-?
Kasen became aware of Satori beginning to say something before stars exploded throughout her vision. All sound suddenly blurred together unintelligibly. The hermit was vaguely aware that she had lost her balance. A shudder ran through her body, followed by a dull pain somewhere on one side, right before she blacked out.
---
??tori-sama? Satori-samaaaa???
A voice, seemingly far-off, stirred Kasen into a painful and dizzy consciousness. Giving herself several moments to breathe, she sat up and looked around. It appeared she was still in the Komeiji sitting room, albeit all by herself. While looking, she was aware of herself enough to notice that this movement felt even heavier than before.
I really hope this is just because of how dizzy I feel?
?Uhhhgh?I had better not be where I think I am?
Oh, it?s not so bad, my dear. Just look who you?ve got for company!
A renewed feeling of dread welled up in the hermit?s stomach as she listened to the shouts of the kasha, coming from elsewhere in the mansion.
?Satori-samaaaaaaaa!?
Kasen?s body began to vibrate in rage. She inhaled deeply.
What?s wrong, sweetie?
?SEIGAAAAAAAAA!?
---
Yukari Yakumo watched the uniquely bizarre scene in front of her, fan folded across her face.
She absolutely adored her fan. A lady of her stature must be able to project an elegant-yet-intimidating aura at all times. Not only was her fan a symbol of her rank in Gensokyo, it also served her well to hide her emotions, to keep those who sought to consider her their equal guessing at her true thoughts. With what she had been presented just a moment ago, it was more than pulling its weight in that regard.
For Yukari Yakumo, uncrowned ruler of Gensokyo, feared and respected by all, had never in her life had to struggle more to maintain a straight face and not burst into laughter.
An afternoon chat over tea with her favorite red-white shrine maiden had been rudely interrupted by one Miss Kasen Ibaraki. Normally she would have been content to play mind games to shoo the annoying recluse away, but today was different. Her movement was stiff and sluggish, she carried a familiar-looking bucket that contained a few meager life supplies far below the class where Yukari knew Miss Ibaraki liked to live, and, most curious of all, she seemed to be the source of several distinct souls and consciousnesses, each also familiar in the own ways.
Adding to the hilarity of the hermit?s distress was watching Reimu?s eyes boggle at the sight. Ah, to be young and unable to see through simple facades?
The hermit appeared to be cycling through all known emotions on the psychological spectrum. Yukari watched as ?Kasen? transformed looks from a dignified desperation to outright terror to surprised anger to frustrated hopelessness.
?Ah, Miss Yakumo! I?m afraid I have a favor to ask of you. You see-?
?Wahhhhhhhh! I?m stuck in some weirdo! Satori-sama, help-?
?Hey! Gap hag! You gotta get me outta here! I didn?t sign up for this bullshit! I was just mindin? my own business, and this-?
?PLEASE LET ME HANDLE THIS!?
Yukari felt her grin widen dangerously behind her fan ? hopefully it was all still behind her fan ? as Reimu nearly blinked her eyeballs out of their sockets at the show. Today was going to be a good day.
Kilgamayan:
So this hilarious and adorable piece recently made its rounds through my little corner of Touhou Tumblr, and while I?m pretty sure we all know where it goes, I decided to write the follow-up as a short story anyway.
Thanks to pidpigeon for the original concept and writing prompt inspiration!
---
An opportunity for peace and quiet had finally come to pass, and she was taking full advantage of it.
Miko sat on the floor of a secluded room deep in the Divine Spirit Mausoleum, attending to some well-deserved meditation. Considering she and her subjects desired to be left to their own devices, life sure had been busy and full of people after their arrival in Gensokyo. Learning the ways of their new neighboring realm, participating in the meeting of powerful religious figures, dismissing her former mentor, calming her menreiki child, making the acquaintance of the delightful pink-haired hermit, chasing after that decidedly-unpleasant amanojaku, dealing with swathes of humans that wished to become her apprentices, disciples, servants, worshippers, whatever role they could find to be near her?life as a shikaisen saint was meant to be less stressful than ruling, not more!
While she had certainly not run herself ragged in taking care of everything, having time to herself to meditate was more than welcome. Normally, she would dwell on the various Taoist sutras, but today, she was going for pure calm and relaxation.
An unknown amount of time had passed. The room lay completely still, providing the harmonious white noise of silence to accompany her breathing Her mind drained more and more of the stresses it had accumulated. She could not tell if she had fallen asleep at any point, but it was certainly possible.
Nothing in life is better than this?a hot springs soak for the soul.
Miko became aware of a presence, one coming down the hall toward the meditation room. The spiritual energies of the presence suggested a person; the distinct lack of footsteps suggested a certain ghostly person. The person made their way to the door to the meditation room before stopping still.
Miko discerned conflicting desires from the person. They desired her attention, but also did not wish to interrupt her meditation. Allowing herself a slight smile, Miko made the person?s decision for them.
?Enter.?
The door slid open, and the person floated into the room.
?Please forgive my interruption, Taishi-sama.?
?Think nothing of it, my dear Tojiko. You know I am never displeased to see you. Please, tell me what I can do for you.?
Opening her eyes, Miko noticed that Tojiko wore a very unsure look on her face. ?Well, Taishi-sama?there is a?how shall I put this?Futo is, ah??
The smile left Miko?s face. ?What is the matter? Has something happened to Futo??
?Well?yes. It?s just, ah?we both think she needs your help.?
?What has befallen her.?
?She?forgive me, Taishi-sama, but I think it best if you come see.?
Miko nodded. ?Lead me there.?
Miko followed Tojiko through the mausoleum, pondering to herself what predicament Futo could be in. Eventually, they came upon a storeroom, from within which Miko could hear the sounds of some sort of struggle. She frowned.
?Futo! What?s wrong? Are you injured??
The response was oddly muffled.
?Crown Prince! Is that you? Thank the fates! Please, I beg your assistance!?
Miko arrived at the storeroom entrance as Futo finished speaking, answering the question of why her voice was so muffled. The sight was baffling. Never in her life had Miko imagined the scene in front of her would ever come to pass.
Standing in the center of the storeroom was Futo, dancing about in a panic, a large, brown jar covering her entire head and neck. The golden contents of the jar were slowly trickling onto her shirt. Her hands were on the side of the side in a futile attempt to yank it off. When this failed, her arms started flailing in non-rhythm with her running around.
Miko turned to Tojiko with the blankest look she ever had. Tojiko could only sheepishly gesture in Futo?s direction before shrugging.
??Uhhhhanhhheeuhhh???
Miko then turned back to her panicked, imprisoned advisor, now noticing the rather crude label?wait, was it written it katakana?
?Futo?why is your head in a jar of honey??
?This infernal pottery deceived me! I was merely following the practices of a foreign Taoist text, and the promised release of its grip never came! Please, Crown Prince, thou must believe me!?
Miko could find no words to verbally dignify Futo?s predicament any further. Tojiko floated over to her fellow advisor, clearly wishing to help, but unsure of how and afraid to get too close into the flailing range.
?Curse these blasted jars! How long I have known them to be the harbingers of evil, and yet still I allowed mineself to be drawn into their grasp like a neophyte! I must see to their end once and for all once I am free! No good has ever come of any of them!?
Tojiko bristled a little bit. ?Hey!?
Not wanting the situation to get any further out of hand, Miko formulated a plan to resolve the immediate problem with all the dignity it deserved.
?Hm! You two, hush, quickly!?
Miko gave Tojiko a knowing stare while putting a shushing finger to her lips. Tojiko looked mildly confused, but didn?t respond. Futo?s flailing slowed a bit so she could better listen to her leader through the ceramic. A few seconds of silence hung in the air before Miko spoke again.
??This cannot be?! I sense large amounts of activity nearby! I believe the Myouren Temple has found their way into Senkai!?
Futo froze in place. ?What?! How??
?I don?t know, but it does not matter. Tojiko, to me! Futo, you are in no condition for combat. We will defend this place. Hurry, run, get away from here!?
?Crown Prince, please let me-?
?Now!?
??U-understood! Please forgive my helplessness! May the fates smile on us all this day!?
With those parting words, Futo took off like a shot away from Miko ? straight into the back wall of the storeroom. The thud of her body hitting the wood was only exceeding in volume by the pang of the jar?s collision as she crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap.
After staring at the limp body for a few seconds to be sure it did not move, Miko sighed and turned to Tojiko.
?I am returning to my meditation. I believe the situation has been sufficiently addressed that I can trust you to resolve the remaining issues.?
Tojiko flashed an evil grin. ?You can count on me, Taishi-sama.?
Miko nodded and left the storeroom, ignoring Tojiko?s dancing fingers as she turned and floated over to her partner?s unmoving body.
Kilgamayan:
New Touhou story!
On My Oni (AO3 Link)
This is a Kasen sadfic in which I continue to be incredibly cruel to my precious pink hermit. I promise, I really do like her a lot! (Don?t read this if you?re in a poor mood.) Be sure to note the tags before reading, just in case.
Please enjoy!
Kilgamayan:
New collection of Touhou shorts!
AUs For When Your OTP Are Both Assholes (AO3 Link)
A collection of shorts based off of the AUs presented here. When that post first crossed my dash, I knew immediately I would have to write Touhous into the scenarios. The result is my first and probably only piece of Touhou yuri, so treasure it while you can.