| ~Beyond the Border~ > Daiyousei's Cold Storage |
| That's your Touhouroscope for today |
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| an unmatched sock:
Why do I feel like all of these disasters are going to be traced back to me at some point because of my apparent future... |
| Reddyne:
--- Quote from: Hard-To-Destroy-Reptile on October 30, 2013, 03:24:21 AM ---Favorites usually depends. . . 1.Yuuka 2.Mugetsu 3.Mai 4.Yuki 5.Nitori 6.Shou 7.Flandre 8.Mamizou 9.Cirno . . . . 10.Yumemi --- End quote --- Future: GODDAMN KIDS! That's what you get for moving in right next to a college campus, alright. RIGHT across the street is a DEN of CONSTANT NOISE that's played at ALL hours of the night. They might be a smart bunch for just being kids, but it's still a frikkin' FRAT HOUSE filled with LOUD ANNOYING BRATS who can't SHUT UP even when it's FOUR IN THE MORNING! You start off PLAYING NICE because things like showing up to their door wielding a CHAIN SAW isn't very SUBTLE and isn't very LEGAL either. So you report their LOUDNESS to the college, hoping the campus police will SHUT them UP. They try, but as soon as they're gone, the STUPID KIDS in their STUPID FRAT HOUSE start partying again as soon as they're gone. The same thing happens with the local police. NEXT you go to CONFRONT them yourself and it goes JUST as POORLY as you would have thought. Your house is EGGED in the wee hours of the morning, and you angrily COUNTER by covering all the doors with duct tape. Soon, it's total war with pranks affecting both sides. Then it comes. Tensions have risen way out of hand and both of you welcome dusk by raising battle flags over your respective houses. They whip in the wind and the occupants of both massive domiciles stand watching the other. Every last door and window on each house from the basement to the attic is open, armaments at the ready behind them. Suddenly, with tensions boiling over, a lone shot breaks the silence and a rotten tomato is launch from the frat house, unceremoniously striking the side of yours. With the first round fired, your temper boils over and you grin a bloodthirsty grin. You unleash a massive barrage of toilet paper, covering adjacent trees, beat-up used cars, and a poorly maintained pot garden. They counter with a shell containing rubber cement and glitter which dresses your dining room up like a cheap hooker. Not to be outdone, you fire a volley of paint balls, ruining wardrobes from Salvation Army and worn upholstery from the 70's that's never had its beer farts aired out until now. With odds slowly tipping in your favor, you let loose a massive barrage of M-80's. The fatal blow is struck and the entire structure of the frat house dips on one side. Earth begins to pour in at the base, sending panic throughout the ranks of those still fighting. A klaxon blares, filling the silence as the guns go quiet. The house begins to noticeably sink into the ground as clamoring voices can be heard inside the doomed building. Suddenly, furniture is flung out the windows as the evacuation begins, followed by the frat kids diving for garage sale couches, worn-out futons, and bean bag chairs. The only person who stays behind is the football team's backup quarterback, who is apparently the leader of the bunch. He grabs the flag and defiantly roars "GO GEODUCKS!" referring to the college's mascot. The entire surviving crew of frat boys would be weeping over his demise if they weren't cringing about their oft-bemoaned mascot. The night is quiet for once, and you sleep for 16 hours. You rise at nightfall - still a little sleepy but in otherwise good condition - to find the frat kids still licking their wounds. With their frat house gone, there's no way they'll cause trouble again, so you claim your victory and let them leave in peace. A mockingbird who wakes you up at 5 the next morning isn't so lucky. Death: Retirement's kinda boring and you tinker around a bit with your house. Since it worked so well as a fort and a warship, you attempt to turn it into a rocket as well. You don't know much about rockets and it shows. You are 74. Last Words: Who cares?! You don't die cheering for a giant phallic mollusk and that's just dandy with you. Number: Class of '37. Color: BLACK because it's the SOUND of QUIET!!! --- Quote from: MewMewHeart on October 30, 2013, 03:30:23 AM ---Ah why the hell not? 1. Reisen Udongein Inaba 2. Tewi Inaba 3. Toyosatomimi no Miko 4. Kaguya Houraisan 5. Byakuren Hijiri 6. Eirin Yagokoro 7. Ichirin Kumoi 8. Reimu Hakurei 9. Koishi Komeiji 10. Sakuya Izayoi --- End quote --- Future: "Hello, Mr. Fitzgerald, this is MewMew from Luna Pharmaceuticals and I have some important information for you. My understanding is that you have been taking our heart medication for some time now, yes? Well, as it turns out, we didn't fill your last refill order properly and your meds have been swapped with meds for ADHD. On the upside, you'll be able to pay very close attention to your heart attack. Have a nice day." *click* "Hello, Mrs. Johnson, this is MewMew from Luna Pharmaceuticals. Yes, well, we're calling in regards to your mother's antibiotics. Yes, I understand that it's quite important that your mother receive this medication considering that she's recovering from surgery. Sepsis is quite the concern for recovering patients despite all the efforts surgeons go through to avoid such things. Well, as it turns out, we recently discovered the funniest thing about the antibiotics. It seems they don't buddy up so well with the painkiller meds that she's on and may cause her to have a severe case of restless leg syndrome, which can be quite difficult to deal with when recovering from hip replacement surgery. Well, we could always use repeat customers! Ha ha! Okay, you have a good day now. Buh-bye." *click* "Hello, Senator Franklin, this is MewMew with Luna Pharmaceuticals. How are you today? Good, good. Well, senator, it seems like I have some bad news for you regarding your medication. Yes, I know you want to keep that rash in check, but stick with me here, this could be important. Indeed. I'd be worried too. Well, as it turns out, a team of Harvard-educated doctors are releasing a study that has found that our product actually causes Tourette syndrome as a side effect. Yes, I understand that you have a major speech forthcoming that could have incredibly profound ramifications on the socioeconomic structure of this country. We were just calling to remind you that you signed a waiver since this is a drug that's still in clinical trials and you're on your own. Good luck!" *click* Your boss finds out about your crank calls and you wake up 4 days later in an abandoned warehouse in Sri Lanka with an empty syringe in your rump. Death: Overdose at the age of 39. Last Words: "This one's called the Jimi Hendrix Experience for a reason, dude." Number: 420 Color: Trippy hippie. |
| Cheez8:
...You know, Tohosort really doesn't work very well when your opinion of a character or two changes just a tiny bit halfway through. Lemme tinker with the results for a sec. 1. Satori Komeiji 2. Tenshi Hinanawi 3. Parsee Mizuhashi 4. Kyouko Kasodani 5. Rin Kaenbyou (Orin) 6. Medicine Melancholy 7. Chiyuri Kitashirakawa 8. Mystia Lorelei 9. Utsuho Reiuji (Okuu) 10. Lyrica Prismriver Not all of these were that far off in the Tohosort results, but I ended up replacing three of the ones that it told me were in my top seven with two from a 15th place tie and 33rd place. |
| Edible:
--- Quote from: Reddyne on November 22, 2013, 05:52:31 PM --- The good news is that it also wiped out your job. --- End quote --- wtf I liked that ;_; --- Quote --- With work out of the picture, what to do with your time becomes a pretty easy choice - help those who could use a helping hand. --- End quote --- I guess this means the internet got knocked out. How horrifying. --- Quote --- WICKED AWESOME red velvet oatmeal butterscotch cookies with French vanilla and fudge swirl frosting like the mothafuckin' FIST AH DAH NOATH STAH! --- End quote --- YES ALL OF MY DREAMS --- Quote ---This time, you beat her by raising $1,839,327,298 to her $1,839,326,993. --- End quote --- SUCK IT BITCH --- Quote ---Completely exhausted after 47 straight days of labor, the two of you collapse on each other. You are both brought to a hospital where you compete with one another to see who can make the most ornate origami flower display for recovering victims. The two of you get hitched later I guess. --- End quote --- :toot: --- Quote ---Death: At 110 while attempting to fight off dozens of sharks in the arctic ocean in order to save an entire cruise ship filled with blind, deaf, disabled, and mentally handicapped people with terminal cancer. --- End quote --- TOTALLY WORTH IT I'm gonna gum so many of those sharks to death they won't know what bit them. --- Quote ---Last Words: "Yeooouch! Seafood soup is NOT on the menu!" Puns would've followed. Your mind is more than a bit addled by dementia at that point. --- End quote --- Further last words probably involved "glub" and "blub" in various combination but I guess you don't really speak underwater so they don't count. --- Quote ---Color: White --- End quote --- THE BLOOD OF ANGRY ME- wait wrong color |
| Reddyne:
--- Quote from: Edible on November 25, 2013, 09:30:06 PM ---wtf I liked that ;_; --- End quote --- As someone who has had 7 different jobs since graduating college, who is actively looking for number 8, and who has more free time at work than at home, I'm completely unfamiliar with the concept. Sorry! --- Quote from: Sakurei on November 01, 2013, 03:57:38 AM ---looked for something different, found this. seems silly. 1. Youmu 2. Flandre 3. Alice 4. Reimu 5. Eiki 6. Satori 7. Suwako 8. Chiyuri 9. Koishi 10. Remilia --- End quote --- Future: Ah, summer. A break from school. A break from the rigors of life. A break from being poor, too. Nothing like earning a spot of spending money on the side! 'Tis the season of part-time jobs and mowing lawns. You happen to be quite good at both. But someone else beats you to the punch every time. Regardless of what the job may be, every job for someone your age group has already been snatched up. All by the same person. His work ethic is commendable, but his greed most certainly isn't. He becomes a frequent sight, always sneering at you with an egotistical, mocking look painted on his ugly melon. There he is. There he is. There. He. Is. Everywhere you go. Bussing tables. Trimming bushes. Stealing your money and your very future away from you. Always with a smug grin on his face. Always beating you to the punch. Time to punch back. A new day dawns, and you walk down to the biggest supermarket in town, awaiting the moment when it will open and always vigilant of your malefactor. Suddenly, the lights flicker on, the automatic doors slide open, and in you go. Then out. And back in. For the next few hours, you repeat this cycle. Sure enough, your presence alone seemed to be enough to attract... him here. You casually greet him, resisting the urge to punch him into low Earth orbit, and say that you just applied for a job. He responds by saying that's exactly what he's about to get. You let him enter and wait, only to see him emerge half an hour later. Sure enough, he produces a company shirt and a key for opening up early. But you aren't frustrated. Quite the opposite. The trap has been laid and set. You scamper home, only to return in the dead of night with a shovel and more pluck and grit than that supermarket could ever hope to handle. Morning dawns on the supermarket. But you aren't there. You're far away. On a hill. In the neighboring town. Why? Your "friend" is about to find out. You spy him through a pair of binoculars as he walks towards the door in that goofy company shirt you have to wear. As he nears the entrance, a low rumble stops him in his tracks. However, it quickly subsides, and he dismissively walks to the door. He unlocks it and walks in. Slowly, the door swings shut. And just as it clicks close, a thunderous roar echoes throughout town. Fissures erupt through its parking lot and the entire structure fractures and splits, throwing detritus every which way. The earth opens up and suddenly all of it disappears. The entire supermarket and parking lot are swallowed whole in the 10 story deep sinkhole that you dug last night, calculated perfectly. It takes a full three weeks for the rescue crew to dig the kid out, who is more than set in terms of food. And for three weeks - three short but glorious weeks - you earn your pay and earn it well. Death: Meh. Life's OK after that. You still get hit by a bus when you're 92 because dementia has really gotten to you by that point. Last Words: You can only recount this one story to your grandkids over and over. You get hit by the bus and go flying through the air and land on top of a car, setting off the alarm and recount this one story to the alarm over and over. You are rushed to the hospital and recount this one story to the paramedics over and over. You lie on your deathbed surrounded by family still happily recounting this story over and over. At the funeral, the priest recounts the one story over and over. At the eulogy, your children recount this one story over and over. Then everyone goes home. Then the youngest of all the grandkids asks all the others "did Gran ever recount this one particular story with you?" Number: Minimum wage Color: Greenbacks |
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