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~Hakurei Shrine~ > Patchouli's Scarlet Library

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Tengukami:
He's right, though, as maddening as that challenge could be. It's the difference between telling and showing, one of the keys to good writing.

Iced Fairy:
Hm... I hate his examples, but it's an interesting tweak. Something for when I'm not on a deadline or trying to write in a foreign style.

But this....

--- Quote ---For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take??
A better break-down might be: ?The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark?s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he?d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident??
--- End quote ---
This rubs me the wrong way. It's like the Powerthirst announcer screaming about how wordy and dramatic and AWESOME your writing will become. He should have stuck to simple examples, not over dramatized to make his point. It feeds into so many other bad habits of fanfiction writers.

Tengukami:
Really? Because that read like exactly the sort of thing that goes through my head when I'm super late, waiting for the bus, and the bus itself is late.

nintendonut888:
Ooh, that's good advice. Already I'm skimming through parts of my writing I felt lacking and rewriting with this in mind. The examples given were rather stuffy and overdone, but the idea itself is sound.

Iced Fairy:
Well first the description has it that the bus isn't late yet.

Second the original sentence has him worrying about how long the trip would take. The new version has the guy wildly speculating about why the bus isn't there early. This is a massive change in intent and tone to my mind.

Third, Iceland must not have traffic, because that is in no way shape or form what I'd be thinking if the bus around here wasn't early. :P

But my biggest problem comes from the fact that his advice has no direction. This is the biggest problem with people, professional and otherwise that try to teach English and writing. They give you a style and then never clue you in on when to apply it. The guy took a simple sentence and made it UNCOMFORTABLY DRAMATIC. Which is great if you wanted to make the thing big and dramatic, but a huge waste if it's supposed to be something small and subtle. Why not show how it's supposed to be used in simple sentences? Why not explain where the technique is best used?

The reason I despise most writing advice is they hand you a single tool, treat it like a silver bullet, then walk away. It's a real pain because then you have to guess where and when to use it. Which means more often then not it gets tossed into the "I'll handle it later" pool.

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