Maidens of the Kaleidoscope

~Hakurei Shrine~ => Patchouli's Scarlet Library => Topic started by: AMZYoshio on October 24, 2010, 07:59:09 AM

Title: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 24, 2010, 07:59:09 AM: Entry 1:

Today I found this book in the midst of Patchouli's library. When I asked about it, Patch said that she was going to use it at some time, but since then decided not to, so she let me have it. Apparently this book is enchanted, and it will cause the user to pour out their truest feelings, whether they want to or not. I personally think that'd be sort of useful, I'd be able to read it later and see if there's some sort of trend in my behavior that needs attention. That's about all that happened for today...I can't really feel any effects that I would call magical from this book, but perhaps it just takes time.

Entry 2:

Things today were ok I guess...If this book was really enchanted, I wouldn't have to sit here and make stuff up to try and write about. Still, i'll try to write something, I want this enchantment to work. I've heard it said that a person can never be at ease with themselves unless they truly know themselves, and a couple things HAVE been bothering me lately...Nothing too big though. Still, it'd be nice to see who I really am, or if I'm missing something dire about myself.

I particularly liked the food at the shrine today - Reimu added a hint of salt to the meat that blended nicely with the sake she served. It was strange, but very fufilling.

Entry 3:

Sometimes I wish more visitors would wander into the forest, it gets boring working alone sometimes. But I guess if I wished for something like that, then I'd never get any work done. Such is the life of a Magician, I guess. I've gotten used to being secluded anyway, but just one or two visitors once in a while would be nice. It's usually me who has to go out and find people, nobody really comes by. Then agian, it's really easy to get lost in this forest, and there's plenty of dangerous stuff around, so I guess it's to be understood.

Now that I think about it, she never really comes over either. She lives in the forest, and knows where my house is, so why doesn't she visit? Maybe she's just busy as well. It doesn't matter, really. Just a thought.

Entry 4:

Well, I found an interesting item at Kourindou today. It was something from the outside world called a "mood ring". Apparently, it changes colors depending on how you're feeling. I think it's broken though - it turned black, which meant full of anxiety, and I felt perfectly fine. Maybe things like that just don't work. It would explain why this diary isn't working - this is the fourth day, and still no revelations have come to me, not even in the slightest. Oh well, I'll just keep at it when I can. Inbetween all the work and whatnot, that is.

Entry 5:

I hate fairies. They're so annoying. I was out trying to find a certain plant to use in my tea (I like it very fresh), and the stupid little buggers decided to throw a bunch of rocks at me. Of course I chased them off - I had plenty of help, naturally - but the concept still stands. Fairies are nothing but pests. Another weird thing is that I swear I heard one of them say that I was a loner. She was probably just trying to get at me, I have plenty of friends. Besides, I've never seen that particular fairy in my life. Or have I? I don't know, a lot of them look the same to me.

Entry 6:

I went to the Shrine again today, this time to talk to Reimu about exterminating fairies. I didn't exactly think she'd go for it to the extent I wished her to, but she didn't seem to want to at all. Said she was preoccupied with something. Oh well, the damned things would have just came back anyway.

The other annoyance in my life was there as well. She said she was trying to get Reimu to declare a holiday in honor of her. How like that girl, always trying to do random bold things, always overexerting herself in the weirdest ways. Oh well, taks all kinds. Besides, it's amusing to watch her get into trouble sometimes - like the time she tried to convince Suika that Reimu was a ghost. I don't know what spurred on that kind of thing. Maybe she was just bored. Reimu's reaction when Suika tried to seal her away was hilarious though. Only she'd be that stupid.

Entry 7:

Well, I got the visitor I wanted. Too bad it was a visitor I could hardly ever want. All she wanted to do was bug me about some festival that's coming up. I'm busy, and she knows that.

Still, a festival does sound nice. And, well, I shouldn't be so hard on her. She has good intentions I guess, and it's nice to know she cares enough to want to see me sometimes. In fact, I don't mean what I wrote a little bit earlier - I kinda like the attention from her. She's my neighbor after all, it's better to be friends than enemies.

Makes me think of what poor Kaguya and Mokou must feel. They both have mortal enemies within eachother, and yet both of them are virtually stuck with eachother for eternity.

Entry 8:

Maybe this book IS working. I read over yesterday's entry and saw what I wrote. I'm usually really annoyed by her, but I guess I do kinda have a fond spot for her. And, now that I think about it, I would be pretty sad if she was gone. I guess one never really appreciates what they have until it's gone. Well, except now I guess, considering she's not gone.

I decided to go to that festival. I need a break from all this work - it's not good for my nerves to simply work all the time. I need a day off, and this festival seems just perfect for it. If I remember correctly, it's supposed to be some full moon festival at Eientei. Why exactly she was so excited to go to that, I don't know. Maybe it's for the mochi. The rabbits DO make good mochi, I have to agree. I personally liked the section on Lunar Technology from last year's festival. The lunarians have such interesting things, I'd like to know how a lot of them work.

I guess I should prepare for it, considering it's tomorrow.

Entry 9:

I just got back from Eientei, and...wow.

The full moon was breathtaking. I've never seen it so large, so bright and vivid, so beautiful. But there's something else that's been on my mind ever since I got there.

I sat and looked at the moon for a few minutes, enjoying my mochi. It was mezmerizing. But then I was interrupted by something more beautiful...

Entry 10:

This can't be real. Yesterday, I was having really strange thoughts. Maybe it was the full moon. Or the mochi. Yes, it was the mochi - Tewi must have put something into it. I couldn't even finish writing yesterday's entry, I was having such weird thoughts. That's why it's so suddenly stopped up there. I was out of it, and it's been bothering me all day that I would even think like that.

I need sleep is all.

Entry 11:

This is ridiculous. I've tried to forget, but it won't go away...I guess I might as well write it down, maybe I can at least laugh at it later.

When I was looking at the full moon a couple nights ago, she came and sat next to me. She joked at me a couple times like she usually does, and we had some nice conversation. I looked over though, and...well...Never before had I seen someone so beautiful.

Maybe it was just the moonlight mixed in with whatever Tewi must have put in that mochi. Who am I kidding...Nothing was in that mochi. I'm just delirious. Or going through a phase. But while I am, I might as well get it out.

Marisa, you're beautiful.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 24, 2010, 08:46:06 AM: Entry 12:

She came over again today.

I keep writing "she", don't I? MARISA came over again today. I have to stop just refering to her as "she". "She" could mean just about everyone I know, and is inconclusive to anyone reading this. Then again, who's reading this besides me? Hopefully no one. Then again, the enchantment of the book hardly seems to be working, because I just write what is on my mind, not some sort of deep dark secrets that even I didn't know about. I'm getting off track.

Marisa came over again today, this time to thank me for going to the festival with her. How like her, to thank me for something that happened days ago. I tried to see if I could recreate what I felt in the moonlight, but it didn't really happen. What I mean is that I didn't find her any more attractive than I usua

Entry 13:

Last entry was unfinished because ~~of work I remem~~ ~~someone was at the door~~ dinner was ready, and I didn't want it to burn. I guess I forgot about finishing the entry. How silly of me.

Today was sunny.

Entry 14:

I read through the entires I've written, and noticed that Marisa tends to pop up a lot in my life. She's my friend, yes, but can I consider her my -best- friend?

This thought came to me because when I was working on repairing Shanghai today, I realized that I spend more time with my dolls than with actual people. That train of thought led me to think of people I see often, and how much I consider them to be my friends. Sure, I have people who are -friendly- to me, but do I really have a best friend?

I think Marisa would think that Reimu is her best friend. I don't blame her, the two have known eachother longer than either of them has known me. That, and they already act like a married couple - they get on eachothers nerves a lot, yet still somehow enjoy eachother's company.

Them married - now that's a funny thought.

Entry 15:

I dropped by the mansion again today. I asked Patchouli if she was sure about the enchantment on this book, and she said she was sure. Patchouli didn't seem to be in the mood for talking much though, but then again, when is she? I quietly borrowed a few books on magic that I had been meaning to look through. Patchouli always lets me borrow books - unlike MARISA, I actually return them in a reasonable amount of time.

Other than that, today was pretty uneventful. Better than terrible I guess.

Entry 16:

It's hard trying to find stuff to write about every day. Not every day do I have some sort of life changing experience, or some sort of heavenly revelation that requires chronicling into a book. However, according to Patchouli, I have to believe in it for it to actually work. I guess it's kinda like letting the book into my heart, like it won't work if I keep trying to test it. Just let it work on it's own, assume it's going to work.

Then again, they use that logic on their gateguard, and that hardly works.

Entry 17:

I realized something today. Nobody really comes to talk to me unless they have some sort of ultierior motive. I mean, nobody drops by just to say hi. Nor do they really seem to have missed me if I don't talk to anyone for a week or so. I realize that I'm not the center of the universe, but I find that kind of odd.

The exception to this rule is Marisa. She seems to be the exception to several rules. She's so lively, she easily gets bored, so she tends to come and see me from time to time. Then again, she lives in the forest as well, so I guess I'm the closest one to bug when she needs it. I guess that's why I called her annoying when I first started to write in this book - I thought she had nothing better to do than annoy me. She's just being nice though, and I guess I should be thankful for that.

I'm going to do an expieriment. I'll just bury myself in my work and leave my house as little as possible. I'm going to write down what happens, as see who comes to see me, or at least who misses me when I'm forced to go into town eventually.

Entry 18:

Uneventful day today. It was rainy though, so I don't blame anybody for not wanting to go through the forest.

Entry 19:

Nobody still. My work on trying to devise new types of dolls is going along smoothly, but it sure is boring trying to keep myself inside all the time like this. Even though I enjoy my work, I still like to go out once in a while. Maybe it's because I'm thinking that I'm forcing myself to stay inside that it's suddenly more tedious to do so.

Entry 20:

Marisa dropped by today. She's the first to do so since I've started this boycott on society of sorts. She was wondering if I was sick, considering she had never noticed me pass her house on the way out of the forest in several days. It's nice of her to think of me like that. It makes me feel like I have someone to go to if I really need it.

Now that I think about it though, why would Marisa notice something like that? Has she been purposely watching out for me?

Entry 21:

This book is kinda useless. Waste of ink, really. I've read the entries time and time again, and I still can't find any patterns in my own behaviour that I didn't already know about. It just says "Alice, you're Alice, just like you've always been Alice, and you'll keep being Alice". Nothing seems to be wrong, and nothing seems to be changing on any sort of major scale.

In other news, I made Marisa a cake today. I like to bake things, it's a sort of work away from work. I made it for her as thanks for being my friend, considering I think I weeded out who really cares about me or not. I say that because I went to town today to pick up the ingredients, and when I casually noted that it had been several days since I was out of the house, nobody seemed to have noticed, or cared really.

This makes me seem pathetic, but it's true. I guess Marisa really is my one, true friend. That's probably all that I was thinking at Eientei at the festival - She's beautiful of character. Idiotic sometimes, but always there for me when I really need her.

Wow that sounded cheesy. Good thing nobody's reading this.

Entry 22:

It's hard to write. I got into a duel with Reimu today because she thought I was a part of some incident. She really overdid it though, and I'm pretty hurt. It was all for nothing, too - turns out the "incident" was a misunderstanding on her part.

Entry 23:

I'd love to write what you told me to, Alice, but it was so boring. Also, sorry, but I read the whole thing. I like you too, ze~

Entry 24:

Damn you Marisa. I told you not to read it. But you just had to, didn't you?

After all those things I said about her being nice and there for me when I need it, she just goes and throws my trust around like a toy.

--

It's a few hours later, and I'm not as mad anymore.

Marisa was at my house yesterday. Turns out that she was accused of the incident Reimu thought she was trying to solve as well, but she didn't fare as badly in battle as I did. She felt bad for me I guess, so she stayed with me for most the day and did what she could to make life easier for me.

Also, reading over what she wrote, I'm not mad. Although she did go against what I said, she made up for it instantly by confirming both my thoughts about her. Firstly, she really is a good friend deep down, seeing how she really does like me and doesn't just hang around me because she's bored. Secondly, I don't mind her around at all, and feel somewhat...more comfortable with her, if that makes sense. I feel...complete? Maybe that's the wrong word. I don't know.

I guess I just took the time to think about her and realized how great of a friend she really is, and how if she's the only friend I have for the rest of my life, it'd be ok with me.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on October 24, 2010, 09:08:06 PM: I greatly enjoy this method of tsundere character exploration and development
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 25, 2010, 12:23:12 AM: Entry 25:

I asked Marisa today what she meant by she likes me. She of course smiled, and just said that I was a nice person. A weird person, but nice.

I don't exactly know what I was expecting her to say, but I guess it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm thought well of. Maybe I should make her another cake, for staying by my side when I was hurt. Or maybe a doll. Yes, a doll.

A doll that will last, that she'll remember.

Entry 26:

I worked basically all day on the doll I want to give to Marisa. It's going to be a doll of her, to show her that I think of her fondly as well.

I think of her fondly...That's an odd sentence to be writing. Of course I don't think of her like THAT. I just enjoy her company is all. Most days.

In other news, I feel more at ease writing my feelings down now that I've been doing it for nearly a month. I wouldn't call it an enchantment per se, more like a habit. There's nothing magical about writing about one's feelings, and no external forces have been spurring me to write. Patchouli might have been wrong on this one, but I'll keep writing anyway.

Entry 27:

I felt really awkward today. I was in the middle of working on the doll, when Marisa walked into the room and asked about something or other. I didn't think I had left the doors unlocked, but apparently I did. She didn't see the doll, but I think she knows that I was up to something weird. I didn't exactly act as cool as I wished.

I wrote somewhere in this book that Marisa doesn't visit a lot, but I guess I'm wrong. She actually is quite frequent, I just never really payed mind to it considering I was so busy all the time. Well, I'm STILL busy, but I guess a little more emotionally connected with myself, now that I take the time to reflect on things every day.

I didn't need some stupid "enchanted" book, a bunch of sheets of paper would have had the same effect. I bet this enchantment is one of those placebo kinds.

Entry 28:

I finished Marisa's doll. I'm kinda torn on whether or not I want to give it to her though, considering I might come off as creepy. Or something to that effect.

In fact, the more I think of it, the more I realize that it was probably not the greatest idea in the first place, making this doll. Maybe I should have opted for the food - she tends to enjoy that without questions. Oh well, I'll just pay her a visit tomorrow, maybe bring her something if I can find it. This doll goes on the shelf though...It might be there for a while.

Entry 29:

I stopped by Marisa's house today, but she wasn't there. Fate have it though, when I got back to my house, Marisa happened to have already let herself in. The idiot was sitting there with the doll I made for her too...Of all things, I put that in my room! Doesn't she know what privacy is?

I shooed her out of my house. She doesn't deserve to be around if she's going to be a jerk like that. I don't mind if she's just kinda in my house, but when she starts going through my stuff, there's something wrong with that. I mean, I made that doll, but then I didn't want her to see it, so I put it away. If I don't want her to see things that I made myself and keep in my own house, then what makes her think that she has the right to just go dig it up anyway?

That girl just loves to push my buttons, and I'm sick of it. I ended up throwing away the cookies I made for her, I couldn't stand to eat them knowing that I was going to give them to her.

Entry 30:

I didn't notice it yesterday, but Marisa took the doll with her. Why she would want it so much is beyond me, especially since the way I acted yesterday. If anything, I would have thought that she would have taken it as that I made a doll of her and didn't want her to see because I was secretly stalking her or something. One of those creepy kind of obsession things. Of course I'm not obsessed, I just didn't want to come across as...well, obsessed.

There's no way I could be obsessed with her anyway. She's a friend, yes, but that's it. A friend.

Entry 31:

I went and apologized for acting so rashly to Marisa today. She said it was ok, and thanked me for the doll. I guess she saw right through me and knew that I wanted to give it to her, considering she told me I shouldn't be so shy, and that friends are friends, so awkwardness shouldn't be an issue. I don't know what it is with her, but I like to keep some decent pride about myself, thank you very much. Just because I have friends doesn't mean I'm going to regress to a primal state and act on every base instinct that I have toward them. Marisa doesn't seem to get that though.

I am relieved that she's not mad or creeped out or anything though. That, and I didn't have to go through trying to figure out how to tell her I made the thing - she just kinda took it.

Entry 32

I was reading over the entries in this book again, and I realized that I tend to write a lot about Marisa. I've been somewhat avoiding writing other things in my life, such as my visits to the Shrine, my work, and other such things. Maybe it's because Marisa is so....Marisa-like. She doesn't seem to follow any sort of predictable life, other than the fact that she'll always be lively. I guess it spices things up, and that's what sticks in my mind at the end of the day.

Speaking of things sticking in your mind at the end of the day, I heard once from Marisa that the person that someone thinks of when they wake up and before they go to bed is somebody that they really care about. I think Marisa was exaggerating how much she meant by "care about", because I write in this book usually before bed, and it tends to be about

Good night.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Hanged Hourai on October 25, 2010, 01:29:46 AM: I really like the character development you have going on here. I look forward to the next entries.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 25, 2010, 04:56:41 AM: Entry 33:

I'm out in the forest tonight. I decided to take a walk, to get my mind off of things. I'm writing this as I'm out here in the strange moonlight.

It's not quite a full moon, but it's close. The moon is exceptionally bright tonight though. I thi

--

Damn, that was close. Marisa was walking by as well. I tried to pretend to be doing something important, but I think I just came off as awkward.

Truth be told, I was thinking about her before she came by. She was out looking for mushrooms or something, but she seemed happy to see me.

My heart rate is through the roof. I should go home and get to bed.

Entry 34:

Something is wrong with me. I couldn't concentrate on my work at all today. I keep thinking about yesterday night. Why is it that I'm so flustered when she's around? I've noticed that it's hard to find things to say when Marisa is with me. Or at least the right things. I try to make conversation, but nothing seems to go the way I planned.

It's ok I guess, Marisa seems to enjoy my presence. Still, I wish I could figure out why Marisa makes me act like that. Maybe it's the spores of all those mushrooms she's toying with. She probably keeps some in her hat, or her clothes are dusted in them. Something. Maybe I'll drop by Eientei and see if Eirin can figure it out. Well, of course she'll figure it out, but you know.

I need to stay focused on my work more often. I'm never going to get closer to my goals if I keep going at this rate.

Entry 35:

I met up with Marisa at the Shrine today. It seems that Reimu noticed how weird I was acting too. After Marisa left, she told me that I was beet red. I think she was exaggerating a bit, but I did feel like my face was a little hot. Reimu didn't seem affected by her though, so maybe I don't have to go see Eirin? Unless the spores only affect Youkai...Yeah, maybe Marisa picked up some sort of strange mushroom that I haven't seen before. It's possible.

I'm going to Eientei tomorrow. I have to solve this. Especially since I'm getting nowhere with my work. I just can't concentrate at all.

Entry 36:

Eirin is no genius. There's no way. She's smart, yes, but she knows nothing as far as my problem goes.

She claimed that my problem was purely psychological, and that no medicine could cure it. She even went as far as to say it was love sickness. Said she had seen it before, and mine was a full blown case.

Like hell if it's love sickness, Marisa's just infuriating. I couldn't ever love her, I wouldn't be able to stand living with her like that! Visits from her, sure, but to hell with romance. I will agree that perhaps I feel like I do because of psychosematic effects, but love!? No, there's no way. Eirin is full of it. She's probably thinking of some weird Lunar custom or something, she's not compeltely used to the way people on Earth work yet.

I'll just stay away from Marisa for a few days. That'll probably solve things.

Entry 37:

Attempted work on my latest project, but could only really be about half as productive as I wanted to. I've got Hourai making me some tea right now, and Shanghai preparing a fire. I'm going to take it easy tonight and curl up with a good book. That sounds extremely appealing right now, I haven't done something like that in a good while.

Entry 38:

I had a dream about Marisa last night, and I've just woken up from it, so I think I'll write it down before I forget.

I was flying over the forest, and suddenly I was met with a great dark force. I can't put a name or face to it, but whatever it was scared me senseless. Nevertheless, I attempted to fight it, but I simply couldn't recite any spells because of how terrified I was. Then...I can't believe I'm writing this, but then Marisa came to help me. She smiled at me, and told me not to worry. She motioned for me to sit on her broom with her, so I did. As I sat down, I rested my head against her back and I felt...safe. Very safe. I felt like I could accomplish anything, and that everything would be ok in the end. I felt as if everything in the world was right, and nothing could possibly ruin that moment. With Marisa...

--

Today I kept to myself in my house again. I'm trying to forget about Marisa as much as I can, because it's extremely hindering to my work. It seems hopeless though, the more I try to forget, the more I'm reminded of her. Maybe I need a vacation.

Entry 39:

Today would mark the fourth day since I've seen Marisa. Nothing seems to be getting any better. Maybe I've been going about this all wrong...I care about Marisa, and she cares about me, so why would I deprive myself of that? Maybe I can't concentrate because I enjoy the attention I get from her, because I've never really tried to let her into my life before. And as soon as I did, I realized the joys of having true friends.

I sound like a pathetic loner. I shouldn't be thinking like this. But, I do enjoy having friends. People go crazy if they're not able to interact with society in a positive manner, so I guess it's natural. I'm going to go visit Marisa tomorrow, maybe by seeing her more often, I'll feel more at ease and able to work better. Perhaps that's what my dream meant - I'll feel better if I just see her.

So, Eirin, here's my own diagnosis as opposed to yours: Alice enjoys her friends, and feels lonely if she doesn't talk to them.

Entry 40:

Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it DAMN IT.

I completely made a fool of myself. Why couldn't I tell her that I simply missed her? I had to just lock up in front of her like an awkward shy little kid, and she just got weirded out and asked if I was ok. Of course I'm ok stupid, I just can't find the right words to say to you!!!

I don't know why this is so hard. Every time I see her and try to say something, I'm starting to feel as if my chest is on fire. Even her looking at me seems to set something off in my mind...There's absolutely no logical reason on why I'm acting like this. I'd say I'm crazy, but...I don't even know anymore.

Things couldn't get any worse.

Entry 41:

I've calmed down and tried to work out what to say to her tomorrow. I'll go up to Marisa's door, and tell her I was sick. Out of it. I'll tell her I'm sorry for acting so strangely, and that I've been a bad friend for acting so weird. I'll just invite her to the Shrine, and we'll talk along the way, and be good friends and whatnot. We'll meet up with Reimu, and the three of us will have tea together, as friends. Afterwards, I'll go back to the forest with her, and we'll say goodbye, and go to our own houses like normal people, and go to sleep like normal people. A completely normal, friendly day. Nothing can go wrong.

Entry 42:

Well something went wrong.

I'm at Marisa's house right now, and I don't know what to do. She's being extremely nice to me, and she invited me to stay, because her house is closer than mine to the Shrine by a bit, and it's raining pretty hard right now. I accepted her offer, but I forgot that I had this book with me. I don't want her to read it, and I know she'll go snooping through my things eventually, considering she's like that. I also can't exactly sleep with the book, that'd be weird. Maybe I'll just hide it.

--

I...I don't know what to say. First of all, Marisa insisted that I sleep in her bed, and it feels nice and weird at the same time. She's so strangely kind in her own special way, that I don't know what to think of her. But more importantly, I had gotten up to go get this book, of which I hid in a pile of books that she had no doubtedly stolen from Patchouli, and therefore was probably not even going to look through it any time soon. I passed Marisa on the way though, as she was asleep on the couch.

I looked at her, and she looked so peaceful...She's adorable when she sleeps. To see her so calm, it was almost like looking at the moon that one night.

Since I'm writing this down anyway, I might as well write this as well. When I saw her, I...I felt the compulsion to kiss her good night. I don't know why. I didn't of course, but for some reason I felt like I needed to.

I'm probably just tired, and I couldn't think of a better way to thank her for giving me such a comfortable place to sleep.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on October 25, 2010, 07:36:01 AM: this is quite adorable
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 25, 2010, 06:39:37 PM: Entry 43:

It feels good to be back at my house. I liked being with Marisa, but it's awkward to wake up in someone else's bed. Besides, Marisa honestly isn't the best cook out there, so breakfast was pretty...interesting to say the least.

Still, I give her credit for trying to please me. I wish I could simply please her like that as well. It seems to come so naturally to her, she hardly has to think about it, she just...does. I admire that about Marisa. All the while, I'm sitting here, wondering and overthinking everything until I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Today was somewhat workless again otherwise. I tried to conduct more research using those books I got from Patchouli, but I just can't concentrate. I feel anxious almost, like I should be doing something else. Maybe I should give the books back to Patch and look up something about this in her library. Yes, that seems like a good course of action. Maybe if I can conduct my own study on the symptoms I'm feeling, I'll figure something out and finally be able to get back to my projects.

Entry 44:

I returned a number of books to Patchouli today, and I felt somewhat like Marisa because I had books that I didn't even remember getting. Patchouli didn't seem to mind too much though, at least she said she didn't because I actually brought them back. Maybe I should tell Marisa to return some of the books, and maybe Patchouli would stop being mad at her for stealing. Then again, she'd probably just deny that she's stolen them anyway, saying that she's only borrowing, and she's not done.

I picked up a bunch of books on psychology and things like that. I was thinking that I could look to see if I have a problem that I'm not aware of, such as depression, or something like that. It would explain why I can't concentrate - if I've got some subconcious problem bogging down my mind, then of course I can't work.

Entry 45:

I worked the entire morning on trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and didn't find much before I was interrupted by Marisa. I was happy to see her, but I had to turn her down today - I had pressing matters to attend to. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings or anything, that'd make me feel terrible.

As far as results for today go, almost none. However, I still have a good chunk of material to read through, so I don't intend to give up just yet.

I really hope I didn't hurt her feelings.

Entry 46:

These books are useless, they don't tell me anything I don't already know.

All they say is that I probably have a slight case about anxiety, but I can't possibly fathom what I'd be so anxious about. I do feel like that, but still! There's nothing in my life that I could be so anxious about that I couldn't work on my projects, because those are just about the number one priority on my list of things to do. I also read that I might be simply lost within myself, and that I have to act according to a pressing matter. Well, that's hardly helpful, considering it's the equivalent of saying "you're confused, fix it". No wonder you don't see many psychiatrists in Gensokyo, if any. This stuff is common sense.

I'm returning this stuff to Patchouli.

Entry 47:

I don't understand that girl. Either of them.

When I went to return the books to Patchouli today, she asked my why I had gotten them in the first place. I told her about my problem, and she asked me if I was serious. Of course I'm serious, why else would I go to the trouble of trying to research about it? All she had to offer was a laugh, and she told me that I'd understand eventually -exactly- what was wrong. I think Patchouli's been inside a little too long and needs some fresh air.

But even weirder is how Marisa was waiting at my house -again- when I got home. She said that Reimu was busy with something or other and decided to pay me a visit. It was really weird, because she acted as if she lived here, but then again that's just her. Anyway, we had dinner together, and I couldn't help but notice that I was hardly touching my food. Apparently Marisa noticed as well, because she jokingly asked if she had to feed me.

I was just thinking during dinner is all...Why is it that I enjoy being around her so much? I've begun to strive for the times in which I'll be able to see her again...She livens up my life, and I find that very enjoyable. But why I've been acting this strangely...

I think I'm on to something. I'll look more into it later.

Entry 48:

Today's entry will not be about what happened today, beacuse not much happened today. Today's entry will be about me, and my thoughts on Marisa, because I wish to solve this problem. I guess I'll begin by...well, by simply writing what comes to my mind when I think about her.

Marisa Kirisame. She's a witch, and a very lively one. She's extremely zealous in nearly all she does, and she holds true to her own opinions, no matter how strange. She's a very strong willed person, probably to a fault. She likes to experiment with magic and mushrooms, and she's always up to something weird or devious, but never truly in a bad manner. She's almost like a mischievious child, always wanting to stand out. A bit of a tomboy, really.

This is hardly working. I don't know where I'm going with this. Good night.

Entry 49:

I don't know what compelled me to do so, but I've asked Marisa to stay at my house tomorrow. That should give her a day's warning, just in case she was in the middle of something. By stay at my house I mean for the night. I just...I wanted to see her again is all. Is that so bad? I don't know, I almost feel guilty for wanting something like that. I shouldn't though, because Marisa always says that friends shouldn't ever feel awkward around eachother like that. Marisa always says that friends are supposed to be there so you can act how you really are, because that's what friends are for. And I agree with her.

But still, this feeling stays. I'm excited though, I want to be with her.

Entry 50:

We had a fun day today, me and Marisa. I enjoyed watching her and her antics, playing with my dolls and pretending they were people we knew, just...whatever she did made me laugh, if only a little. She's such an enjoyable person.

More importantly though, I'm restless because I'm an idiot. I forgot that I don't really have any places in my house to sleep besides my bed. My couch downstairs isn't big enough, I never really had that kind of thought when I got it. But then again, who does? This is important though, because as I write this, Marisa is asleep next to me. She said she didn't mind because we're friends, and proceeded to tell me about how things shouldn't be awkward again. Yet...I don't know, I still feel like something is very...

I'm looking at her sleeping, hearing her gentle breaths, looking at her peaceful face. I'm so close to her, it's...I feel alive. Truly alive. Happy. I think I know what's been wrong this entire time.

Marisa...I love you.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Hanged Hourai on October 25, 2010, 09:55:40 PM: :*
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 26, 2010, 06:39:13 PM: Entry 51:

Today was a dream, to say the least. I can't believe the feelings I was having last night, I didn't think something like that would ever cross my mind. In fact, I'm somewhat not convinced myself.

I'll admit, both of us had a little sake in us last night, so it might have just been that talking. Yet, this morning, I instantly smiled when I woke up to see Marisa facing me, still asleep. It's so unreal...I've been floating all day, wondering whether or not I'm actually awake, or if I really just fell asleep before writing what I did yesterday. To think I would write something like that...

Today was dreamy. I already wrote that, but I'll say it again. I barely did anything, I just keep thinking about yesterday. Seeing Marisa...it's so strange. I'm not used to these things, these feelings. They're ethereal to me, almost as if I was under some sort of influential force.

I'll name that force "sake" for now, but...I just don't know.

Entry 52:

I just can't shake the feeling of that night...I don't know if I should give into it or not. I care about Marisa dearly, that's for sure, but to turn to the choice of romantic thoughts...

Marisa says things shouldn't be awkward, but she always says with friends. Friends...That's the key word. If I try to go for her heart, or give into my own selfish desires, then we'll stop being friends, and go one of two ways: Lovers or strangers.

Can I afford to take that risk?

Entry 53:

I was out in the Human village today picking up a few things when I ran into Marisa, which is strange because she hardly visits the village. It's odd seeing her again, especially after what I've said about her. She greeted me kindly, but all I could think about was seeing her asleep and adoring every second of it...Does that make me a bad person? To subconciously shrug off whatever she's saying and only think of her in the selfish ways I did?

If this becomes a pattern, I won't be able to live like this. I enjoy seeing her of course, but if I'm condemned to sit here and toy with thoughts of love and then betrayal because of love, then I want no part in this. I can't deal with something like that.

However...I did miss her. Even if it was for only a few days.

Entry 54:

I can't stand it. I can't work. At all. I thought I would have solved this problem by letting some steam off that night or something, but things have only gotten worse...

It really is love, isn't it?

Love...To write such a word is really strange for me, especially since I know who I'm writing it about. To love Marisa. Love Marisa...Marisa Kirisame. It's so strange, and yet, somewhere in my heart, I feel like it's so right. I can't properly write down all the feelings that are going through me at the moment, but I will say that it's like nothing I've ever felt before. I don't know what to do with these feelings, but I doubt I can simply get rid of them.

Entry 55:

I've been straying away from writing what actually happens in my life, and instead I've been writing more and more about Marisa. Maybe I really am obsessed like I wished I never would become...I can't let Marisa know about my feelings. There's no way. She wouldn't take it the right way, and our friendship would be ruined.

I can't ruin our friendship. Not for anything. If anything, I'll just repress these feelings I'm having for her...It's just a crush, I can't call it true love. I have to respect her as well, not just act selfishly and ruin the beautiful friendship that we share. To do that, I think, would be just about the worst thing that I could possibly think to have happen.

I'm going to see Marisa tomorrow. I need to see if I can stop myself from having these thoughts, or at least keep them to myself.

Entry 56:

I can't do it. Every time she smiles at me, I can't look her in the eye without having my mind go blank and my heart begin to race. Why me...Should I enjoy the thought, or condemn it? I don't know if Marisa is aware, I hope not, but I'm thinking such vastly different thoughts of her than she is of me, no doubtedly. I highly doubt she's thought of me in any sort of romantic way, she's just not like that. She's very free spirited, I don't see that kind of emotion weighing on her on any sort of consistent basis. Or can love even be called a burden?

I don't know any more. Ever since that night with her, I haven't been able to think straight at all. I just keep going back to Marisa, her smile, how gloriously lively and bright she is...I'm doing it again.

This can't be real. It's just a phase. I'll get over this. Just because she's cute doesn't mean I have to go head over heels...

Entry 57:

She showed up at my house again, and asked what was wrong with me yesterday. I told her off, because I don't want her to know how I feel, or think I feel, about her. I might have yelled a little bit harshly though, because she looked somewhat disheartened when she left my house...I feel bad. But I can't let her know about my selfish thoughts, things can only go downhill if I make a wrong move. I can't risk losing her as a friend, that'd be devastating, more than words in a book could ever convey.

I'm reading over the past week or so's entries, and they're starting to all look the same. It's weird...I really do think of her that much, don't I? Maybe I should get some distance between us. That'll probably end this stupid charade.

I have to apologize for yelling first though.

Entry 58:

I guess cherry red is my color of choice. I feel like such a fool.

I can't even take a simple hug from her anymore without feeling my heart jump. I used to think nothing of it, maybe even a bother, but now...There's no denying it, I like her. I apologized to her, but she just hugged me and said that things would all be ok because we're friends.

Friends. Are we? She likes me a lot, but I know she doesn't like me in the way I like her...Can one friend harbor such feelings and have the other still be counted as a friend? Or are they more akin to a target in the first's eyes...only there for the purpose of fufilling their desires. I can't become like that. There's no way I can sit in the shadows, wishing Marisa would come see me so I can pretend to be friendly, just so I can be close to her. I just...just can't. That sort of idea is simply vile, I could never take advantage of her like that.

At least in my own house, in my own mind, my actions and thoughts are my own.

Entry 59:

I'm going to try to avoid Marisa for a few days. Today was the first day of doing so, but luckily seeing how I saw her yesterday, I doubt she would have missed me too much. If I can avoid seeing her, maybe I'll lose sight of what I found so appealing in her, so we can go back to simply being friends. Or rather, I can go back to simply wishing nothing more of her than friendship, considering she has done nothing wrong.

It's only been nine days since that night, and look how I'm acting. It's making me think that perhaps I was feeling the way I do toward Marisa for longer than I realize, but I only just realized it when I was so close to her. That means this endeavour I am about to embark on may be harder than I expected...I can't give up, however. If Marisa found out about these thoughts I've been having, she'd most likely be disgusted at me. She'd probably feel like she had made a terrible mistake choosing to sleep next to me, knowing what I was thinking as I laid next to her. This is why ending these stupid feelings is critical. I can't risk losing her.

Entry 60:

I did nothing but try to work all day on my projects. It was slightly distracted work, but I attempted to stay focused as well as I could. Still no sign of Marisa, but I'm going to take this as a good sign, considering what I'm trying to do.

Entry 61:

Nothing today worth noting, other than the fact that I'm beginning to feel very restless. I can't stop thinking about her whenever I have any down time, which is simply impossible to avoid altogether every day.

Entry 62:

I can't do this. I just can't. It's impossible to stay away from her for this long and be sane...

I feel like an animal. Less than a person. Almost like I'm addicted to her, and that I'll go crazy if I don't get my fix. It's not right. Not natural. And yet, the feeling persists.

I miss you, Marisa.

Entry 63:

She came over to visit today. She had been wondering where I went again, saying I've been acting kinda weird the past week. I'll admit to myself that I have been, but never to her. I tried to blow it off as if she was imagining things, but I doubt it worked. I was torn on whether or not to be mad at her for breaking my streak of trying to not see her, or if I should have been overjoyed that she came to visit. I think that, once again, I just ended up as an awkward mess in front of her, as cherry red is my color of choice once again. Either she didn't notice or didn't care, however, because she made no comment on my strange behaviour.

I missed her so much, and I was so happy to see her, but I just can't go on living like this. I must not be very strong, not nearly as strong as she is, if I can't deal with these stupid little emotions for even a couple weeks. I'm a pathetic little girl inside, and it's very unnerving to think that Marisa doesn't know that about me. She's friends with a nutcase, and she doesn't even know it.

I don't know what to do.

Entry 64:

I went to the Shrine today to see if I could get some advice from Reimu, because she seems to look at situations without too much bias. Or, at least ones that don't involve troublesome Youkai. But Marisa was there as well. She tends to go to the Shrine a lot, so maybe I should have expected this. This time, though, when Marisa greeted me with that smile of hers, I couldn't bare to look her in the eye. I know what would have happened if I did. But even more scarily, is what she said afterward, because it's still ringing in my head, clear as day.

"Oh Alice, stop being so tsundere, ze~"

I think she was joking, but if she wasn't, boy am I in trouble. She's compeltely noticed everything I hoped she didn't, and I can't exactly "take back" what I've already done.

I'm not a tsundere...am I? No...I'm just trying not to ruin our friendship.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Luneth on October 27, 2010, 12:26:28 AM: Wow.

Most of these things I just read to pass the time, they aren't extremely interesting. (Although, if I'm reading something over playing a game, it has to be good.)

I'm sure it's because I haven't given enough of these chances yet, but Flandre and the World Outside and this are the two I really like.
Kind of like the difference in endings in a book. "Oh, that was a cool book, and an awesome ending." and "Nooo, it's over!". I know when either of these ends I'm going to miss them. =|
..Blah, after that last reply I'm all afraid I'll hurt someone's feelings.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on October 27, 2010, 02:49:19 AM: alice is tsundere for alice

Quote from: Luneth on October 27, 2010, 12:26:28 AM
..Blah, after that last reply I'm all afraid I'll hurt someone's feelings.

didn't you get the memo? writers have no feelings :V
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Luneth on October 27, 2010, 04:25:02 AM: Quote from: Ryuu on October 27, 2010, 02:49:19 AM
didn't you get the memo? writers have no feelings :V
Quote from: SRSifex on October 26, 2010, 05:52:54 AM
Comments like that really don't need to be verbalized. If you don't like a certain writer's style or the direction of a fic, keep it to yourself. There are plenty of other stories in PSL to choose from; use the Summary thread to read brief little synopses on each fic here to find another one to read if you don't want to read what's one the first few pages.

I understand the sentiment, as sometimes even I can't finish reading something without wincing, but like I said; you don't need to say things like that. Even if you mean no offense, the effect that can have on the writer in question is tremendous. It's already hard enough for a lot of the authors here to work up the nerve to actually write something, let alone post it here for others to read.
(Go to the Flandre/World Outside topic if you want to see what I said.. Wasn't THAT bad.. o-o)
Well yeah, replies like that make me :(. So I'm paranoid about sounding like a jerk now. Deal with it. ::)

On topic, again. It's fun to read things like this that could easily be the true story. I like how throughout the 'story' she doesn't notice/believe in the enchantment. Well of course, life-view-changing feelings and events are just "Alice is being Alice". I wonder if she'll mention the lifespan issue fans always talk about. (Youkai>Human) Of course my answer to that was "Marisa is too epic not to become a youkai and live a thousand years... Although the idea of a 'Youkai-Marisa' kind of scares me..."
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 27, 2010, 06:58:29 PM: Entry 65:

I wonder if I should give into this feeling, it's not going away. I'm just so scared...I can't bear the thought of losing Marisa.

I say this because today, Marisa came over to my house to ask why I've been acting so weird, again. It's getting harder and harder to lie to her. I feel as if I'm just about to burst out with an "I love you" or something every time she asks if I'm ok or asks why I'm acting strange. This feeling...it's uncanny. I refuse to believe that other people act like this every time they fall in love with somebody. It's just me...I'm just being weird, and I know it.

And yet, no matter how much I deny the validity of my own emotions, here they are.

Entry 66:

It's been a while since that night, about two weeks, and I think I can safely reach the conclusion that my feelings for Marisa aren't simply going to go away. I'll admit it: I was feeling like I do even before I came to terms with myself, so it would be nearly impossible to simply uproot this state of mind I have.

I've also reached another conclusion. I can't live life like this, just sitting and crumbling under my own weight because I'm fond of her. I have to tell her. How, I don't know. When, I don't know. But eventually...I have to tell her. I can't just keep going on like this. Marisa must know, and I must take the risk.

She likes me as a friend enough, I really hope she'll understand...

Entry 67:

This is going to be harder than I thought. I can't even leave my house correctly without falling back and losing my nerve. I feel like a schoolgirl, this is ridiculous. All beacuse of stupid Marisa, look what I've become. I've been degraded from the normal, respectable person I once was, to a shivering mess, just wishing to do nothing but see Marisa. I'm so messed up...

I'm going to go out tomorrow, I need to anyway. I won't go to Marisa's though...I'm going to pass by her house, see if her broom is laying next to the table in her window, which would mean she's home, and then head to the Shrine. If she's not home, I'm heading to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Either Reimu or Patchouli can help me, I know it. Or, if not, at least they'll be more clear of mind than I'll ever be, so they'll at least give some insight on how I can stop acting like a child.

Entry 68:

Reimu, I don't know what to think of you.

Obviously Marisa was home, so I was able to head to the Shrine. After a bit of reluctancy, considering the subject I wished to speak with her about, I finally admitted my feelings about Marisa to her. She gave me a blank stare for a moment, and asked if I was joking. What is it with people and thinking I'm never serious? I hardly ever joke like Marisa does, especially about things that make it so hard for me to speak that I feel like passing out.

Reimu said that I should just tell her. Didn't say much as far as any sort of tactic would go, such as ones you'd read in a romance novel, just told me to tell her. She said that if I tried to butter her up too much, then she'd catch on, and if she didn't like me enough then she'd find it awkward and be less inclined to accept my message when I finally told her. It makes sense, but it makes it harder on me. How am I supposed to just tell her? "Oh, hi Marisa, thanks for stopping by, by the way, I love you." I don't think Reimu realizes how awkward such a situation would be. Then again, she doesn't seem to mind too much about what people think of her, so that would explain things.

I kind of want to listen to what Reimu has to say, but I think I'm going to get a second opinion from Patchouli first.

Entry 69:

It wasn't any easier than the first time, trying to admit to others that I like Marisa.

Patchouli seemed to know it all along though, so she didn't react like Reimu did. She just calmly told me to follow my heart. When I questioned what she meant, she said I was adorable enough to Marisa that whatever I decided was a good plan would probably be seen as "cute". I don't know whether to feel insulted or thankful. I'm not trying to be that stereotypical little girl who shyly admits their crush to the cool kid in school, I'm trying to be a civil adult about this.

What am I going to do with myself? I feel so stuck...

Entry 70:

I went to go visit Marisa again today. She said that we should go take a tour around Gensokyo, just because she was bored. I agreed, and we went to many places today. Or rather, got -close- to many places, then decided to just go fly somewhere else. She's like a child with an attention problem, she changes her mind so much if something doesn't suit her. She hasn't changed her mind on being my friend though, so maybe me telling her how I feel about her isn't going to be as impactful as I thought. Or at least I hope not.

I felt as if my feelings were renewed today, if that was even possible. Just watching her from her side, looking on as the wind blew gently through her hair, as her eyes shined in happiness and ambition, as she smiled gently. I'm not even going to question why it makes me feel so good to see her like that anymore, I'm just going to accept it. I need to learn to control myself more, because I almost blurted out with my feelings just while we were flying in the air. I think I'd rather find a time at night to tell her. A time when we're both tired, but happy with eachother. Like that one night...

At a time like that, then I'll tell her. If she doesn't like me back, at least she'll be happy with me.

Entry 71:

Damn tengu.

Aya is quite the nosy girl, isn't she? She showed up at my house, trying to get "juicy secrets" out of me. She started to rattle off how she had heard how I've been seen blushing around Marisa a lot, and wanted to get me to admit something. I knew that something she was looking for, but like hell if I'm going to tell that reporter. I just kept changing the subject and trying to get her out of my house, and eventually she gave up and left.

I hope she didn't go out to extort it out of Reimu or Patchouli. I beilieve in Patch, she's smart enough to think of a better way to get Aya out of her library than I am, but Reimu might just casually tell Aya as if it were nothing. She'd probably think "Marisa was going to figure out anyway, why not?"

I really hope that isn't the case.

Entry 72:

I picked up a copy of the Bunbunmaru today just to make sure Aya didn't find what she was looking for. There was, though, an article about the "secret obsession" of me. Oh how I want to strangle that tengu...

Apparently she had gotten a picture of Marisa and I flying above the forest together, and she made up copious amounts of information about how I was secretly obsessed with Marisa. She used a fairy, of all things, as a "witness", who said childish things such as "They're always together, they probably like eachother", which of course Aya would take the wrong way. I know that nobody really reads, let alone believes, her newspaper, but it's still unnerving.

Nothing else really happened today.

Entry 73:

Goddamned Aya, I want to kill her.

It just so happened that Marisa picked up that copy of the Bunbunmaru that I did, and she was over today asking about it. Of course I denied everything, but I wonder how long I can keep this up. It must be getting painstakingly obvious how I feel about Marisa, considering the way I act around her, and now this. Marisa took my denial of Aya's article well - we both know that Aya is a chronic exaggerator in her newspaper. I simply pointed out that it means that, in reality, people know we're good friends, and that's about it.

Still though, how long CAN I keep this charade up? Marisa will figure it out eventually, and it will be extremely awkward when she does. I'd much rather that it'd be me to tell her myself; that way, I can control how Marisa finds out. That way, even if things fare badly, I'll at least have tried.

Entry 74:

I went to the Shrine today, and I was quite suprised to find who was there. Yukari, Ran, and Chen were all there, along with Marisa and Reimu. Of course I'll never find out why Yukari was there - it seemed that Reimu herself hardly knew. But what I do know is that today was probably one of the worst I've had in a while.

While Ran was watching Chen play with some butterfly or something outside, Yukari turned to me and asked why my mind was in such torment. Of course she asked this with one of her trademarked smiles, as if she knew something already, which is never really possible to tell with her. I told her nothing was wrong, and she said that I was uncomfortable because of somebody in the room. My heart jumped, because I knew it was Marisa she was talking about. Thank god Reimu saved me, though, because she just piped in saying that it was Yukari doing the uncomforting.

But even worse, Marisa began to say, jokingly of course, that it was her that made me uncomfortable. She threw an arm around me and said "She's probably hard in love with me!" as she laughed. I know she was slightly drunk, as was Reimu, but that sort of comment is so unnerving, because it's true. I don't know whether or not Marisa is toying with me now, because she's been toying with the idea of me acting strange, and now loving her, for a while now.

I say this is one of the worst days I've had in a while now because of how awkward and powerless I felt during the entire visit to the shrine. For the 15 minutes or so that the conversation lasted, I wanted to kill both of them. I hate Yukari, and I hate Marisa for playing along.

But...I did enjoy the attention.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 28, 2010, 06:30:46 PM: Entry 75:

I need a plan if I'm going to tell Marisa about how I feel. I know I already decided that I want to tell her during the night time, but I need to figure out when. It has to be a truly magical night, one in which Marisa cannot deny at least her friendship towards me. A night that follows a day full of joy and companionship. Maybe if I'm lucky, Marisa just might decide she likes me too on a night like that.

It's the middle of the Summer, so I'm gessing that it won't be extravagantly hard to find a warm night, nor will be it too hard to find a nice day where we can do something together. Just thinking of such a day fills me with excitement. I can hardly wait~

Entry 76:

Marisa showed up at my house yet again today. I love it when she visits, but it's somewhat painful to know that she's unaware of my true feelings for her. It kinda makes me guilty, knowing that I'm wishing for her to do something like hold me while all she wants to do is have a normal friend. She didn't want too much today, only to say hi on her way to Youkai Mountain for some reason.

Still, seeing her makes me happier than happy, even if I don't show it to her.

Entry 77:

Making my day for weeks and weeks,
Always gives me rosy cheeks,
Ridiculously and undeniably cute,
Intelligent and strong to boot.
Sometimes you make me mad,
At the end of the day, though, I'm always glad.

♥~

Entry 78:

I think I've found my solution to this problem. Remilia seems to want to throw a party at her mansion, and she's inviting nearly everyone she knows, including me. Even if Marisa isn't invited, she'll no doubtedly want to show up and annoy Patchouli by stealing her books anyway, so why not ask Marisa if we can go together? It will provide me with the night that I'm hoping for, a one full of excitement and friendship that I can hopefully reveal my true feelings in without feeling too awkward. It'll be kinda hard, but I know that if I'm in the right mood, I'll be able to say it.

The party is in three days. I'm going to go to Marisa's tomorrow and invite her, and see what she says. I need a plan for the rest of the day as well, so hopefully we can spend the entire day together. It'll be great...hopefully.

Entry 79:

Inviting Marisa went well. She said that she was planning on going anyway, like I thought, so things were easy for me. I stayed at her house for a while, and we had lunch together. She eats like a child, slightly messily and with semi-acceptable manners. I guess it's because it's in her own house with nobody but me around, but I scolded her about it anyway. She was adorable while doing it though.

Two more days~

Entry 80:

The party is tomorrow, and I'm excited. Apparently, Remilia had Sakuya book the Prismriver sisters to perform, so I know that'll keep things lively for a while. Also, as with any of their parties, it will be full of food, meaning Mairsa will be undoubtedly in a good mood, or at least not crabby because she's hungry.

As for the day tomorrow, seeing how the party is going to be at night, I plan on going over to Marisa's house for lunch, and then going around the Human Village, maybe to Kourindou, for assorted shopping and sight seeing. Marisa and I both hardly go the the village to do much, although I go to pick up certain food items once in a while, so going there will actually be quite the change of pace.

After we're done in the village, seeing how it probably won't take ALL day, we plan to take a walk in the forest and look for mushrooms. I particularly don't WANT to look for mushrooms, but Marisa has a knack for doing so, and it can't HURT, so I decided that I'll just tag along.

When we're done doing that, we'll both go home for about an hour or so to prepare for the party, then head out together to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, where we'll have fun and be happy, and then I can finally tell her how I truly feel about her. I'm going to take this book with me so I can write down things as they happen hopefully, just in case I get any good ideas on how to break the ice.

Marisa...I love you, and tomorrow you'll see just how much.

Entry 81:

Lunch was great, heading out to the human village. Marisa's, again, cute as she eats. We had an interesting conversation about ghosts, and wondered if Yuyuko could form into thousands of miniature versions of herself like Suika. That'd be a bit creepy, in my opinion.

--

Kourindou, seeing how Marisa detested staying in the human village for too long, had interesting things like it usually does. There was a beautiful necklace I that I noticed, and I wanted to get it for Marisa. It was gold, like her hair. Of course I didn't, but it's the thought that counts I guess.

--

Mushrooms are gross. Still, Marisa had fun.

--

I'm at home again, and Marisa took some time to dust the spores off herself and whatnot. I should do the same, and will after I'm done writing. I'm getting very nervous about what I want to do, but I know I have to go through with it. If I don't tell her how I feel, I'll just forever be stuck in this tormented state, wishing I could do something about it. My heart feels as if it's going to break loose from my chest, and I just simply have to let my emotions run freely. Or, at least, freely enough to calm them. I can't let this get out of hand, that would be terrible, even if she did like me back.

Still...She couldn't possibly hate me just for liking her. That'd be completely irrational, and that's not how Marisa is.

--

What's up Alice? Found your book again, da ze~ You should watch where you put this thing.

Alice, I kinda knew what you were thinking for about two weeks, but I could only guess, considering you'd never say anything. Truth is, I just don't like you like that. It's sweet of you to think of me highly, and I don't hate you, so don't get all sad or something.

Oops, gotta run, Ms. hikikomori knows I took some of her stuff. Hope you have a nice night, ze~
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on October 28, 2010, 08:59:52 PM: at first I was like : D and then I was like : o and now I'm like : (
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Hanged Hourai on October 28, 2010, 09:31:10 PM: Oh dang, I did not see that coming.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: snsninja on October 28, 2010, 09:47:59 PM: Quote from: Ryuu on October 28, 2010, 08:59:52 PM
at first I was like : D and then I was like : o and now I'm like : (
^ this.
I kinda saw it coming though, based on how the chapter was going. :(
Life tends to be like that sometimes, a really cool event comes, it starts fun, then something bad happens.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on October 28, 2010, 11:29:00 PM: Kind of a dick move, though, on Marisa's part, writing that in a private diary rather than telling her face to face.

EDIT: Then again, it's probably better that it was done that way, if only because it fits the writing style better.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Marin The Magus on October 29, 2010, 12:03:19 AM: Umm...After thinking this through, I've got to these conclusions:

a) You are the most hated person in the world (even more than satori)
b) Marisa is telling the truth, only that she doesn't know what she feels
c) Marisa doesn't want to spoil their friendship
d) You are the most hated person in the world - again.

When you think objectively there is an obvious truth~
(BY THE WAY, I was jus' jokin')
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on October 29, 2010, 03:34:22 AM: Maybe Marisa just doesn't have the same concept of love as Alice does. Remember...this is Marisa we are talking about. She weaponizes love for goodness sakes!

Just chalk it up to Marisa being Marisa.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: nolrai2 on October 29, 2010, 04:12:25 AM: Or she just doesn't like girls like that.

Or maybe its that she knew alice too long.

I mean they would have met when they were like 8..that can realy dampen romantic attraction.

I am over thinking this arent I.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 29, 2010, 04:22:21 AM: Quote from: nolrai2 on October 29, 2010, 04:12:25 AM
Or she just doesn't like girls like that.

Sorry, this isn't writing new entires, but I lol'd here. Everyone in Gensokyo is gay, deal with it :V
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on October 29, 2010, 06:37:31 PM: Entry 82:

Well, where do I begin today? What emotion should I express in this book at this moment in time? Should I start with rage? Yes, rage sounds good.

I HATE EVERYTHING.

I hate my stupid emotions, I hate my stupid thoughts, I hate Marisa for stealing my book, I hate Marisa for leading me on like that, I hate myself for thinking like I do, I hate myself for not ending it when I should have, I hate myself for thinking I'd ever have a chance, I hate Marisa for not telling me to my face, I hate Marisa for not telling me earlier, I hate myself for not telling HER earlier, I hate Reimu for giving me crappy advice, I hate Patchouli for giving me equally as crappy advice, I hate Yukari for being a bitch, I hate Aya for being a nosy idiot, I hate Marisa for being so frustrating, I hate myself for not being stronger, I hate everything.

Why did Marisa have to go and do that!? She could have told me in a nicer way, or at least to my damned face!!! Is she not a nice enough person to THINK before she does anything? Why did I even think I loved her in the first place? I'm nothing but an idiot who fell in love with an idiot, and I'm sick of all this crap I'm going through!!! Everything just needs to DIE.

Entry 83:

Wow I was mad yesterday...It's strange how I could go from so mad to so depressed in a span of 24 hours.

It hurts, more than anyone could really realize, to be rejected like this. But then again, I had it coming to me, didn't I? It's Marisa I'm talking about...I should know her better, of course she wasn't going to love me back. I don't think she loves ANYONE like that, and I can't really see her doing so any time soon.

More tears have been spilled over the course of the last couple days than I think I've ever cried in my life. You know you're serious about your love when something affects you like this. And yet, I don't know what I should be thinking. She obviously doesn't want to think of me like that, and now she knows how I feel. This feeling I have for her doesn't seem to be going away, no matter how hurt it is, so what do I do? Do I just crush it down painfully until it dies? Do I hold on, hoping for the off chance that she changes her mind?

Help me, someone...

Entry 84:

I'm starting to get slowly more stable, but I'm still very hurt. I've brought this upon myself though, like I've said before.

I can't get anything done on any part of any project I have, all I can think of is how I went wrong, how I should have done things. If I would have told Marisa earlier about my feelings, then maybe they wouldn't have gotten as well rooted as they are. That way, I wouldn't feel so betrayed when she told me like she did. I feel terrible. There's so many things I could have done better. For example, deciding to not fall in love with her is sounding like a good alternative right about now.

I probably shouldn't be taking this as hard as I am. After all, she did say she doesn't hate me. But this pain I'm feeling...it's worse than anything I've ever felt before. From the moment I met her back in Makai, I've felt this strange attraction to her. Back then, considering my age, it was simply curiosity - I had never seen a witch like her before, she was so vastly different than everything I knew up to that point. I'm guessing that over time, though, that simple and innocent curious nature that I had slowly evolved into this feeling I have for her. Even to this day, Marisa is so intriguing to me, it's amazing to simply watch her for even an hour. I'm guessing it's this deep rooted inner attraction to her that's causing this amount of pain and sadness to me right now. To see Marisa reject me like that, to see her simply walk all over my feelings without a care in the world...It hurts.

Entry 85:

Marisa was over today. Or at least, she tried to be over today. I don't even know if you could call it being over. She showed up and just acted as if everything was ok, but of course things are just the opposite. She realized this very quickly, and had the nerve to ask if things were alright.

Oh, I don't know Marisa, are things alright? Here, let me rip your heart out, then we'll see if things are alright.

She's so weird though...I don't understand her at all. I couldn't look at her straight, I just couldn't keep my emotions in. Every time I heard her voice, it was as if I was falling in love again, and yet at the same time it was as if I was dying a painful death. She was trying to be kind to me, and I appreciate that, but knowing how I couldn't act the way I wanted to around her, and knowing that she knows this damn well...The feeling is worse than I could ever attempt to write.

I just told her to get out of my house after about 10 minutes...I couldn't stand it. She's just bringing me too much grief.

Entry 86:

She came over again today. She looked more sorry this time, like she knew that she had done something wrong. It's about time, Marisa.

I couldn't help myself. She hardly got out an apology, and I was in tears.

This entry might look like it was written in the span of about 5 minutes, but it's taking quite a while. Certain things, like the details about how I'm on the verge of confused tears, just can't be written.

We hugged for what seemed like forever. I couldn't control myself, I was sobbing like a child. I just said time and time again that I was sorry for everything. I felt like I couldn't stress that enough - I don't think anybody could realize how sorry I am that I'm ruining my friendship with my only real friend.

I still call her a real friend because after a while, she put a hand on my cheek and looked into my eyes, and told me never to regret loving somebody.

She left soon after that.

Marisa...I don't understand you.

Entry 87:

I'm doing better today. I actually got some work done, and I was able to go the whole day without either seething in rage or feeling as if I was going to burst into tears. Still, the thought that she doesn't reciprocate my feelings is a daunting one to live with.

I'll admit that maybe I was overreacting when I had read what she wrote. I acted immaturely, and I should have taken it better. But I don't know what hit me, it was as if everything in the world had lost it's color to me. Life just stood still for those few days, and I couldn't fathom what I was going to do.

I think I'm in love with her more than I ever cared to realize, even after all of my planning to tell her. And I'm still in love with her. Even after she rejected me like that, I know she has a good heart. There's no other explanation for what she did yesterday. But thinking about loving somebody that I know doesn't love me back is strange. I don't know what I should do, even in the slightest sense. Do I tell her periodically that I still like her? Do I just quietly and secretly harbor these feelings? Do I try and win her over, make her like me back?

In the equation of life, a feeling like love is a variable that can never be defined correctly, and always holds a different value. Therefore, nothing can go correctly, and everything simply becomes confusing.

Entry 88:

I went over to Marisa's today to ask for forgiveness for the stupid way I've been acting. She seemed to have no problem forgiving me, and invited me to stay for lunch. I accepted of course, but it was awkward. She's sitting there, and I know she's aware of how I feel for her. I'm sitting there, looking at her and seeing everything I could ever want, and yet knowing that it's just out of my reach, and that it will most likely stay that way.

Marisa was very kind to me. She didn't bring up anything that had to do with the way I feel, she only wanted to be the friend she was before this entire ordeal. I'm lucky that Marisa had the ability to act like that when she wants, I wish I was as strong as her.

She seems to not care that I love her, she just sees the good in me and wants to continue being good friends, despite my selfish feelings and wants. Is it bad that her acting like that makes me love her more?

Entry 89:

I almost cried in confused joy today. Damn, I'm an unstable mess on the inside.

Marisa had made me a doll, a doll of myself. She said that because she has a doll that I made of her, it's only fair that she returns the favor. She told me that as long as we both hold onto those dolls, that we'll both be friends forever, no matter what life throws our way.

Marisa, you're THE most confusing girl I know. And yet, you bring me joy, time and time again. My feelings for you...I don't know if I can ever stop them, considering this. But I'll keep them to myself, maybe write them out in this book. As long as I can keep to myself with my selfish desires, and continue to be good friends with Marisa, then she'll stay around forever, like she said she would.

I don't care what I've said in the past. I love you Marisa, and I always will. Always.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on October 29, 2010, 09:27:58 PM: marisa is the best bro ever
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on October 29, 2010, 09:34:30 PM: For a second there, I thought Alice was gonna go Yandere on everyone.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: nolrai2 on October 31, 2010, 12:35:12 AM: Quote from: AMZYoshio on October 29, 2010, 04:22:21 AM
Sorry, this isn't writing new entires, but I lol'd here. Everyone in Gensokyo is gay, deal with it :V

But thats just Fannon! (delicious luscious delectable fannon.)
Quote
marisa is the best bro ever
Yes yes she is..
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 01, 2010, 06:39:06 PM: (AUTHORS NOTE (not part of the story): I write these things in class, so that's why I'm not writing on the weekends, and that's why they're usually kind of short. Just saying.)

Entry 90:

This doll Marisa made me, it's truly wonderful. It's soft and plush, and it's about the size of the dolls I usually make. Although if I'm being knitpicky, the craftsmanship is somewhat lacking, it certainly doesn't look bad. A doll of myself is something that I didn't think I'd be having any time soon, especially a doll made by Marisa. The things that she does for me are astounding, even if she doesn't understand.

Whenever I hug this doll, I feel like I'm hugging her. I know that she made it with love and care, and that she meant for me to be happy with it. Thinking such thoughts really do lighten up my day.

Even though you don't reciprocate my feelings, Marisa, you still do a damned good job keeping me happy.

Entry 91:

I was really surprised today, because Patchouli of all people was at my door. She had important business to talk about, which is expected seeing how she actually left the library.

Patchouli asked me if I still was planning of loving Marisa after what I had been told. Of course I said yes, but I was surprised at the grim look I got from her in return. Apparently Patch thinks that if I continue to love Marisa like this, I'll only end up heartbroken in the end. She told me to play my cards right, or else I'll lose her. I highly doubt what Patchouli says is true, considering the doll promise that me and Marisa have. That, and I think she's simply worried about me becoming obsessed with Marisa, thus driving her off. I could never do such a thing to Marisa, she's been nothing but nice to me.

I'm sorry Patchouli, but just because you're factually smart doesn't mean you know a lot about relationships.

Entry 92:

I went to the Shrine today, and it was fun yet awkward. Marisa was there as well, and I loved spending time with her, but the subject matter of the main conversation we had was a bit too candid for my tastes.

Reimu started the whole thing by asking if what she had been hearing was true, about me loving Marisa. I don't know how that word got out so quickly, or really even at all, but at least Reimu didn't seem to act like it was disgusting or wrong or anything. After a while, though, both Marisa AND Reimu started gossiping a little about people they like, and asking me why I liked Marisa and things. I don't know if she was simply being nice because I was present, but Marisa claimed that she didn't particularly like anyone like that, and Reimu made note that Sanae was easy on the eyes, yet otherwise not her type. So, in reality, they just ended up poking at me, trying to figure out why I like Marisa so much.

It was interesting, though, because I was forced to come to terms with many things, and admit them not only to other people, but to Marisa herself. I said that she was kind, energetic, and beautiful, which are all true. I didn't want to tell them about my strange longing to want to be with her since we've met, I don't think they'd understand, so the usual, stereotypical responses were given. After a lot of pressuring and nagging from them, that is, considering I hardly wanted to talk about that kind of thing, knowing Marisa isn't going to like me back.

She did say thank you for the compliments, though, and gave me a hug.

Entry 93:

Marisa was over at my house today, and we spent a good chunk of the day together. I really do wonder if she has any REAL work to do, considering the amount of time she seems to be doing nothing but lounging around and playing. Oh well, as long as she's happy with it I guess.

She seemed to enjoy yesterday's conversation a lot more than I did, considering she wanted to continue it in a way. She posed this theoretical situation in which we had gotten married and had kids somehow, and asked me what I'd do if certain things happened. I don't know what to think of this though, is this Marisa's version of trying to figure out if I'd make a good wife? I mean...I like Marisa, but I've never really given huge thoughts toward marriage. The more I thought about it though, the more mixed reactions I was getting in my own mind.

To marry Marisa would be quite the adventure in itsself. She's kind and loving, that much is for sure, but she can also really get on my nerves with her antics sometimes. I don't know how long I really could live with her, or if we'd have one of those marriages that would be where we really only live in the same house, and we're not the madly in love, super passionate must make love all the time kind of people. Knowing Marisa, she'd like to keep it light and happy anyway, so that'd probably how it'd end up.

This is a weird subject to be thinking about, even if it was Marisa who brought it up.

Entry 94:

Today was pretty much a work day, not much else. Still, having the doll Marisa made sitting nearby as I worked served to motivate me to great lengths. Just thinking about how Marisa cared so much about me really helped, more than I would have thought possible.

I think I'm going to start a new project. I have an extremely vague idea about what it should be, so vague that writing it down would probably be useless. However, I think things would work, if done correctly...

Entry 95:

I'm naming my new project "Aishiteru". What I plan to do, hopefully, is work upon what Marisa had started, and use the energy of Love as a source to not only power my dolls, but as a form of attack. I don't want anything like a Master Spark to come out of this, but what I do plan to have is the ability to have a spellcard that is more powerful based on how much I feel like I love Marisa. That way, hopefully, I can do something as simple as hold the doll that Marisa made for me, and an extremely powerful magic will be unlocked.

Maybe this is the kind of mentality that Marisa uses to create her Master Sparks. I should ask her about that tomorrow.

Entry 96:

Marisa sure is weird.

I asked her how she powered her Master Sparks, other than her Hakkero. It's obvious that her Hakkero is the catalyst that causes the Magical reactions that convert Love energy into sheer firepower, but what's NOT obvious is where all the Love energy comes from, even AFTER talking to Marisa. All she would tell me is that it was love, and it didn't matter where it came from, except that it was from her heart. I kept trying to ask if it was for a certain someone, or life in general, or ANYWHERE, and she wouldn't give me a straight answer, and acted annoyed eventually, so I gave up.

This sparks the question, though, where DOES it come from? The kind of power behind her Master Sparks are tremendous, and she's noted it herself that it feels good to fire them, instead of tiring like some other spells tend to be. No doubt she still tires from them, there's no way she could have an infinite ability to fire them, but the concept still applies that she feels good when using the spell. Maybe the good feeling comes from the fact that she is feeling loving, or remembering the one she loves, and using that power to fuel her spell.

It's this kind of logic that I wish to implement into my project.

Entry 97:

I've hit my first obstacle that I already knew I had as far as Project Aishiteru goes, and that would be how to convert Love into Magic. I wish I could study Marisa's Hakkero more closely, but I don't think I would know where to begin. Maybe I could ask her about it, but I kinda want my project to stay a secret. The reason behind that is that maybe, just maybe, if Marisa sees the kind of energy I'm able to produce within my finished spells, she'll realize how much I really care about her, and maybe I can sway her toward my way.

That's such a selfish thought, but Marisa DID say she doesn't like anyone in particular, so I doubt she'd mind having someone care about her, right? Who knows, maybe Marisa is feeling lonely at times like I do as well, and she rejected me because she wasn't sure of what kind of girlfriend I would be.

Actually, that makes sense, considering the conversations about why I liked her and marriage came up. I really hope I'm not wrong, but it's worth a fair shot - what's the worst that could happen, honestly? She already knows I like her, it's not like I'm showing her anything EXTREMELY new. Besides, even if she doesn't like me back, I'll have a very powerful source of energy at my disposal, and that kind of thing is helpful regardless of relationships.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 01, 2010, 07:28:11 PM: I thought that Entry 89 was a good stopping point, but the latest entries were pretty interesting. Heck, it feels kinda like a part two.

Also, spelling error: the last sentence, you put a "u" in "regardless".
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 01, 2010, 08:16:08 PM: my foreshadow sense is tingling
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 02, 2010, 07:51:06 AM: If she pulls this off...the MaLice cannon might not be far away.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 02, 2010, 06:26:13 PM: Entry 98:

I went to Patchouli's library today to see if I could find anything about how to convert Love to Magic, or anything close at all. I have a good stack of books on the subject, so that will surely occupy a good number of hours with research.

I was looking at the doll that Marisa gave me, and I still can't believe she'd do such a thing for me. I didn't even know that Marisa knew HOW to make dolls. Then again, I guess she's probably snuck into my house more than once without my knowledge, so she might have picked up a few diagrams or something to help her. I don't mind even if she did, this product is amazing.

Entry 99:

I continue to research how to convert Love to Magic, and all the while I can't get my mind off of Marisa. I'm going to let this be, though, because I don't mind the love. It makes me feel amazing, to think of her, even if I don't straight out tell her all the time.

I sent Shanghai to her house today to bring her a note, in which I wrote that I was sorry for not visiting in a few days because I was busy. When I got her back, all that Marisa wrote back was "it's k". How like her.

I'm getting no closer to my goal in my project, but I still have a lot of reading to do.

Entry 100:

I've begun to notice how used this book looks. I've really taken a liking to it, haven't I? It's been 100 days since I found it in Patchouli's library, and quite a lot has happened since then. I've confessed my feelings for Marisa, and that is by far the biggest event written in these pages.

I feel as if this book is somewhat of a Grimoire to my heart...Yes, actually, this is perfect. I already own my Grimoire, however, this particular book may in fact be the key I need to activate the reactions needed to create love-based Magic...I wonder if writing a few magical seals on the cover would do anything...

Perhaps it's not Marisa's Hakkero that creates the reactions, but simply a cannon of sorts that forms the conical shape of the Master Spark. That begs the question, though, what is it that she's drawing such a strong feeling from? I feel like it's been long enough, maybe I should go ask her again.

Entry 101:

Marisa is still being dodgy about where she's getting the love from. I guess it's just her nature to not like serious conversations like that, I should have expected it. Still, I can't help but wonder.

Before I headed to my house, I headed to the Shrine to talk with Reimu. I wanted to ask her if she had any clue about what Marisa could be using to create such a massive amount of Love in her heart, seeing how Reimu has been Marisa's friend for such a long time. She told me she didn't know, but (what I assumed was) jokingly told me that it was probably for trouble. Although funny, that hardly helps.

I've gotten a few leads on how to convert Love into Magic, and will test them out tomorrow.

Entry 102:

Well, that was a failure basically.

I managed to get a pathetic 3 bullets with about as much power as I could channel into a doll. The mechanism I put in it obviously is hardly efficient, with what I'm going to judge as a .0003% effectiveness rate. I'm hoping to get that to at least an 80% before I call the spell complete.

This kind of magic is baffling, it's like nothing I've done before. Still, it's an amazing experience, because at least I'm happy while trying to use the spells.

Entry 103:

I've gotten the efficiency rate to about .005%, but that's hardly anything. Perhaps I'm going about this wrong...I think I need an entirely new design of not only mechanism, but doll.

Other than my slow going work, Marisa was over at my house today for a bit. Seeing her renewed my zeal in trying to get this project off the ground; she's just so beautiful. It's hard to convey what I mean in writing, but seeing Marisa's shining eyes and beautiful smile is pure exhilaration at it's best. If only I could properly show her how I feel...

Entry 104:

I've found a solution. The doll Marisa made for me is the answer. I've noticed that in her design, what I would call a flaw previously is actually perfect for this project. I'm somewhat hesitant to alter it, however...I'm going to research a better way to convert Love into Magic, that way I can be 100% sure I know what I'm doing before I mess with the doll in any way, shape, or form. It'd be terrible if I just messed it up irreversibly, Marisa would probably be crushed that I would do such a thing to our symbol of friendship.

Now that I think about it, I wonder what she's done with the doll I made for her...

Entry 105:

I went to Marisa's house to try and find her, but she wasn't there, so I ended up finding her at the Shrine. I kinda lost the nerve to ask her what she did with the doll in front of Reimu, so we just ended up having tea together. I know Marisa thinks of me as a friend, but I wonder if she finds me annoying. It's possible considering she knows how I feel, and I do tend to visit her quite frequently as of late.

I say this because we got into somewhat of a fight, because Marisa told me that I tend to go see her a lot, and I'm probably being a lovestruck slacker. The way she said it was so taunting, I couldn't help but get mad at her. Reimu found the whole ordeal funny, which didn't help.

I'm not really mad at her though, even though I yelled. I should probably apologize.

Entry 106:

I was in the middle of baking some cookies for Marisa, when she showed up at my house and told me she was sorry for poking at me like that. I told her it was ok, and made some tea for the two of us. She seemed surprised that I served her with a smile so quickly, almost as if she expected me to be mad for longer.

I kinda deflected the thought from her, telling her that I was already in the middle of making the cookies to simply get my mind off of things. I don't want to come off as obsessed with her, so if she thinks I was doing it before she came into the question, then maybe she'll just think I'm friendly for sharing.

She said they were good though...♥~

Entry 107

I think I have a good design for my Love Converter completed. I've been spending the past few days on it, and it's definitely powerful. The technicalities behind it are written in my work journals, and are too complicated to put here without wasting a good number of pages. However, I will note that the mechanism is very reactive to two things: Emotion, and a new spell I've been working on.

I plan on testing this theory tomorrow, it's dark right now and not really a good idea to be blasting things out in the cold forest without knowing what I'm doing.

Entry 108:

The converter was a success!! I reaped a resounding 47.32% from the mechanism alone, and that was without the doll being in possession of it. I predict that if I'm in control of the doll Marisa made for me, then the love embedded in the doll itsself will act as an amplifier, as well as provide a source of Love for me to work off of, which should in theory boost the rate to my desired 80%.

I've been really bugged lately, though, about where Marisa gets her power source from. There's something more than just her Hakkero and Magical abilities fueling her Master Sparks, there has to be.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 02, 2010, 08:15:35 PM: Evil theory: Marisa powers her Master Spark through the love that OTHERS have for her when she manipulates their feelings for her and built her Hakkero using cannibalized parts of heartfelt gifts that the girls give her. Reimu and Patchy have already fallen, Alice, and they're trying to warn you!
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 03, 2010, 07:53:43 AM: Clearly, Marisa has a Star Sapphire battery hidden somewhere. That is where she gets all that love from!
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 03, 2010, 06:49:26 PM: Entry 109:

I've decided to change the design of the converter to a necklace for the doll instead of something that goes inside. That way, if I mess up, I can simply take it off the doll. I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but I'm glad I thought of it now at least. I'll make it look like a heart shaped pendant - that'll be very fitting, considering it's purpose.

I'm looking at the doll right now, and the smile that Marisa gave it is somewhat comforting everytime I see it. Seeing myself happy like that makes it true, considering I know Marisa still cares about me. That girl...Whatever she does always ends up in me being happy, even if I'm initially mad. I wish I could make her as happy as she makes me...

Entry 110:

I think I've overdone it a bit.

I was trying to test out my new spell, and I accidentally felled a few trees in the process. The crashes were so loud, and there was so much Danmaku, I couldn't believe it. Having that sort of power is something I haven't been able to do since my last duel with Marisa in Makai...It's amazing. It was as if I was on top of the world, nothing could have stopped me in that moment of swirling pleasure and passion, of sheer beauty and finesse.

I don't even want to begin to rate that kind of feeling, I feel it's very complete. It's not something I could rate, anyway, because I feel as if it could get much more powerful if Marisa were at my side while I'm performing the new spells...

I've decided to call this technique Love Sign: "Unbridled Passion". I think that name is fitting, considering the sheer amazingness of this entire experience.

Entry 111:

Marisa came over today, because she wanted to check out what caused the trees to fall. I guess she didn't come over yesterday, considering I was antsy and tried the spell out at night. After she learned it was me, she seemed surprised at first, but happy that I'd gotten a new spell to work. I couldn't tell her how I did it, though, because I feel as if it's too early. Besides, there's one more spell I want to get to work before I can call this project complete.

I've been trying to not show my love to her as much, considering how she feels about me. I don't know if I'm overdoing it, though, because sometimes I feel as if I'm being a little harsh on her. Marisa doesn't seem to mind, she just probably thinks that's how I am. I'm only not trying to overload her with love, because I know she wouldn't appreciate that.

I know you won't read this (then again...) Marisa, but I'm sorry if I'm mean to you sometimes. It's because I love you, and I don't know how to properly express it without coming across as creepy.

Entry 112:

I felt bad for acting cold toward Marisa yesterday, even if it was only in the way I reacted to her, meaning I didn't act super happy and lovestruck like I usually do. In fact, I've been doing that for a few days, weeks maybe, now that I think about it. I'm just bad at trying to deal with my intense emotions, which I guess is what fueled the start of Project Aishiteru. Anyway, I felt bad so I went over to Marisa's and told her exactly that, that I'm bad at expressing my emotions.

The reaction I got somewhat surprised me. I expected her to be a little weirded out, and subconsciously I expected her to tell me everything was going to be ok. Yet, she did neither and opted for avoiding my apology in a way. I don't understand why, but she just kinda seemed to brush it off and change the subject. I shouldn't read too much into it though - Knowing Marisa, she just had something on her mind, and didn't feel like talking too much. It happens to all of us, so there's no need to worry.

Entry 113:

I think I've finally done it. And to test it, I did what any reasonable person here in Gensokyo would do - get into a friendly duel.

I went to Patchouli's library today to break the news of my new spells. I asked Patchouli if she would personally be the one to experience them for the first time, and she accepted, saying she wanted to test out some of her own spells as well. I warmed up with a few of my older spellcards, but when I had gotten to Unbridled Passion, even Patchouli was amazed at the amount of power I had suddenly thrown out. I even broke through some of her tougher spells with my own before I was forced into a Spell Break. However, this isn't the important part of this little story.

The important part is that I have finished my ultimate spell for this project, and I won the duel with it.

The feeling of love and power surging through me, the rush of a thousand beautifully colored bullets, the thrill of pushing forth my deepest passions, the determination of knowing it was all for her...The sheer greatness of casting that spell is indescribable in words. This must be how Marisa feels when she uses her Master Spark, or even her Final Spark...

I have named this card simply "Marisa Kirisame". That, in itsself, is the most beautiful and meaningful name I can think of.

Entry 114:

This doll...I'm extremely glad I have it. I love this doll, for the extreme amount of sentimental value within it is literally priceless.

I wonder how long it took Marisa to create her Master Spark spell...I wonder this because, for some reason, project Aishiteru didn't seem to take as long as I thought it would. Then again, Marisa is human, so perhaps as one of her original spellcards, it must have taken a while for her to make. Overall though, she did an amazing job, considering it's still effective to this day.

This again brings me back to the question, though, of where Marisa could be drawing all her power from. In it's most powerful form, her love based magic far surpasses mine, or at least it seems that it does. Maybe it's just the fact that she's perfected it over the years, and she has a much higher efficiency rate than I do.

It's still a mystery on how she has that kind of power in such extreme amounts, though.

Entry 115:

I went to Marisa's house today in hopes of showing her my new spells. She wasn't there, though, so I went to the Shrine, because that's about the only other place she'd spend any good amount of time, besides my house I guess. Sure enough, she was there, but it was strange. As soon as I got there, she seemed like she had to leave in a hasty fashion. Reimu didn't seem to know why, so I'm still confused.

Perhaps another day.

Entry 116:

Marisa came to my house today, and asked me very bluntly if I still loved her. I was extremely hesitant to tell her yes, however, because the way she asked me made it sound as if it were a bad thing. So, I just told her that I don't love her enough to think of her night and day, and I think that did the trick. It was a bit of a lie, though, so I hope I didn't tell her anything that would ruin any chances I have with her...In fact, she's not really the kind to want to have a passionate love at first anyway, so it probably was a better choice.

She seemed relieved after I told her that, and I asked what was wrong, because she was acting somewhat weird. She told me it was nothing and regained her usual composure, ate my food, and left.

What a weirdo. A weirdo that I love, but still a weirdo.

Entry 117:

Well, I know where Marisa is drawing all her love from now.

Reimu.

Guess I have no use for these damned cards anymore.

Why do I even bother.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 03, 2010, 07:20:58 PM: :(
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 03, 2010, 08:33:46 PM: the implications of this development excite me
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 04, 2010, 01:16:42 PM: Alice...in order for you to overcome this, you need to ask yourself:

"What would Dr. Gordon Freeman do?"

I wonder what the chances are for an AlicexPatchy end? Either that or Alice going Yandere or possible NTR-ing Marisa from Reimu.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 04, 2010, 06:33:11 PM: Entry 118:

I'm not mad. I'm happy for her. I'm happy that Marisa could find such a person that she feels loving thoughts for.

Absolutely. Not.

I can't deal with this. It seems that ever since I said those stupid three words about Marisa, nothing but anguish has become of me. Why am I condemned to these kind of thoughts, this lifestyle? And I had to find out the worst way, too.

I was over at the Shrine yesterday, and I walked into seeing them....together. I'm not even going to bother writing the word. But it was painfully obvious. I mean, nobody presses their face to anyone else like that unless it's true.

I'm at a loss of rational thought here.

Entry 119:

Yet again, the world is gray, and I cannot taste the food I eat. I'm just dredging through life, yet again, and I can't see the point in continuing on. Again.

I must be a masochist or something if I'm going to continue to get hurt, and still continue on my way. I mean...it's really hard to put this into words and feel as if I'm in the right. But despite the fact that Marisa and Reimu like eachother...I still care about Marisa. No matter what happens, I'll always care about her somewhere in my heart...

I'm an idiot.

Entry 120:

Marisa came over to my house. Oh how bittersweet.

She wanted to apologize to me for what I had seen, and her rationale for coming so many days afterward was that she wanted me to cool down. Well, how dead you're wrong, Marisa, considering I'd "cool down" in about a few hundred years at this rate.

She seemed sorry enough, but I asked her outright if she was happy with Reimu. She looked really torn on how to answer, which means I know the answer.

I couldn't sit there with her in my house, knowing what she's done so shamelessly, not thinking once about my feelings. I can hardly sit with myself...

Entry 121:

I haven't touched the doll Marisa gave me since I learned about her and Reimu. I can hardly even look at it.

It's saddening, thinking about how happy it made me just a few days ago, and yet suddenly I'm snapped into this kind of situation. Fate really loves to piss me off, doesn't it? Because I certainly think that I'm cursed or something. Maybe one of the times I was at the Mansion, Remilia altered my fate for the worse. If so, what a bitch.

Either that, or I'm just unlucky. Very unlucky. Where's Tewi when you need her?

I want to die.

Entry 122:

Reimu made a personal appearance at my house. If it weren't for the fact that I still respect Marisa, I would have ran her through with the nearest sharp object on sight.

What am I saying...Reimu isn't a bad person. I know she's not, because not only of how much she cares about Gensokyo, but because Marisa wouldn't choose just any girl to set her heart with...

Reimu wanted to apologize for what I had to see, and she seemed to do a better job than Marisa. It might be due to the fact that I couldn't think straight with Marisa at all, but at least Reimu was somewhat better at it. We had a long talk about Marisa, and love. It was really comforting, in a sense. I don't know what about it, but getting so many repressed feelings out of my system kinda helped.

And yet, at the same time, I know I was speaking to my competitor. My nemesis in a sense. She's most likely the biggest reason that Marisa doesn't like me, and although I don't blame Marisa, I don't know if Reimu is quite up to the job. It might just be me, but during our conversation, it didn't seem like Reimu cared about Marisa at all as much as I do...

Entry 123:

I'll be blatantly honest. I spent most of today wishing I could cry, but not finding the heart to, even in my own house. It's hard living with yourself, knowing you're a failure.

I shouldn't be this depressed. I should be happy for Marisa and Reimu. And yet...it's as if I should be stopping them. Marisa deserves only the best, because she's worth it. Reimu may be powerful, but loving? People always described her as being indifferent toward people, not caring who they are, and treating everybody equally. Which, in a sense, is good, but at the same time, that means she never plays favorites either.

What would Reimu do if faced in a situation where she's tempted by another girl? Would she stick by Marisa's side? Break it off with Marisa just to be with this new girl? Cheat?

I need to stop myself before I work myself up even more...

Entry 124:

Marisa came over again today. She apparently thinks we can still be normal friends after what happened...I wish it was that easy.

She tried to act as if everything was cool, but it's NOT. I love seeing her, but knowing how she just kinda is trampling my feelings like that is...I don't even know.

I've never before had such a mixture of pure joy and vile hatred at once.

Entry 125:

I'm going to calm myself down and apologize to Marisa tomorrow. I'm going to tell her that I'm happy for her, and that she should be happy with Reimu. I have no business caring about what they want to do, it's their lives.

I'll still love you, though, Marisa...

Entry 126:

I told her, in essence, the same thing I said I would yesterday. I said that she should be happy, and that I'm happy for her. And you know what she said?

"Don't be a liar. You're bad at it."

She's right, but damn her for ever telling me that to my face. She really needs to stop just pushing my heart around like a toy, she needs to realize how much this hurts me inside...

I know she's a good person, and she means no harm, but I have feelings as much as any person would. I can be hurt, and I'm not going to take everything with a smile like she can. It just can't be done.

Marisa told me she was sorry again, though, to try and help my mood. It didn't really work, to say the least. All she managed to do was explain how Reimu was such a good girlfriend, and failed to mention anything I do for her. All she told me was that things weren't meant to be, at least for the moment. Which basically translates to "Alice, nice try, but you're not good enough. Reimu's my love, and you never will be."

Such a direct insult to me shouldn't be tolerated. And yet, I know she didn't mean any harm. I hate this feeling. I hate to love her, and love to hate her. And yet, I love her with all my heart, and hate how she treats me.

I'm so screwed up.

Entry 127:

I tried to see if I could recapture the moments that I experienced with my new spellcards. Needless to say, I failed miserably. I can't even cast a single one in this state.

This doesn't mean I don't love Marisa, I just can't capture that love like I was able to before. I'm so lost in my own heart, it's amazing I haven't killed myself yet. It really is. In fact, I've considered it a few times.

Not like anybody would care. I'm just Alice. To Patchouli, she'd only lose an occasional bother to her work. To Reimu, she'd lose her competition. To Marisa...

Marisa would lose a pathetic, sniveling, love struck puppy who won't leave her alone. A fool who can't even think correctly to save her life, that hopes blindly and doesn't listen to logic. An idiot who does nothing but intrude upon her own personal life and wonder why she isn't loved.

And yet, after I say all that, I still wish for her.

Nobody would miss me.

Entry 128:

I really, really need to stop thinking depressing thoughts. I can't live like this, I have to think proactively. So let's pose a question:

What can I do to solve this problem?

...What is the problem?

Problem: I love Marisa, Marisa doesn't love me. Marisa loves Reimu. I want Marisa. I want to show her how much I care. I want her to only have the best, to be cared about like she should be cared about. I'm unable to achieve this goal, because Marisa is only willing to accept that sort of treatment from Reimu. Reimu, up until this point, has not given her what she deserves.

Solution: Fix or get rid of Reimu.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 04, 2010, 10:59:23 PM: Seo Kouji, is that you?

I have a very bad feeling about this...
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Landon on November 04, 2010, 11:58:33 PM: Quote from: AMZYoshio on November 04, 2010, 06:33:11 PM
Solution: Fix or get rid of Reimu.

(http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/a/l/aliceishappyplz.png?1)

I like this solution.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Marin The Magus on November 05, 2010, 12:37:38 AM: Quote from: AMZYoshio on November 04, 2010, 06:33:11 PM
Solution: Fix or get rid of Reimu.

Alice, you should ask advice from Flandre... Or better, her assistance in doing that xD
And don't worry, if what you observe is true, if it's not pure jealousy, Marisa and Reimu will break up in any moment. And YOU'll be there for Marisa (Oh, how much I wish that would happen~ )
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 05, 2010, 06:27:12 PM: Entry 129:

I don't think my attempt to make Reimu see as I do worked.

I was over at the Shrine, and I asked her how much she loved Marisa. All she did was tell me not to worry, that she'd take good care of her. I kept persisting, trying to get her to prove in some way that she was fit for Marisa, but she kept just sweeping the front of her shrine, basically telling me not to think about it.

Eventually she told me to go away or else she'd make me, so I left, trying not to antagonize her too much. Is it so bad that I just care about Marisa? I mean, if anything I'd think it's sweet.

Then again, Reimu is the one with Marisa's heart...

Entry 130:

I tried a different tactic today. I went to Marisa's house and asked HER what Reimu does for her. It was basically as fruitful as asking Reimu, though, because Marisa, being the girl she is, saw right through me and knew what I was up to. She just told me to be at ease, to not worry about it, because she's her own person and will dump Reimu if things go wrong.

I trust in her to do just that, and yet I still think Marisa deserves more than I've seen Reimu give her. For instance, I've hardly seen them together since that day, and not to sound like a stalker, but I've been kinda keeping my eye out to see if Marisa leaves or if Reimu comes into the forest.

I'm just caring about Marisa...There's nothing wrong with that.

Entry 131:

Good old Marisa...She said she's felt like our friendship has started to break up, so she spent a good part of the day at my house today. It's almost as if things were back to what they were, except for the fact that I'm plagued by the constant thought that Marisa, at this point, will never love me. I don't know how many people have tried living like that, but it's hard.

I really enjoyed seeing her, though. Seeing her so happy, so energetic like she usually is. One thing did ruin it, however.

As it got later, she mentioned that she was going to go to the Shrine, obviously to be with Reimu. I told her goodbye, and to have fun. Although I said that with a smile, it felt as if I was giving away a piece of my soul. It hurt to know that she was leaving my house to be with Reimu like that, even though I'm the one who's cared about her since day 1. I doubt Reimu has felt anything like that for Marisa until just very recently, so it's probably premature and underdeveloped, which only leads to grief.

I don't want Marisa ending up hurt. I'll be damned if she does.

Entry 132:

I went to Patchouli's library again today to return a few books, borrow a few others, and ask her opinion on Reimu. All she said was that she could care less about Marisa, considering she still owes her countless books, so Reimu could be a succubus for all she cares.

After telling her to lighten up about Marisa, I promptly left.

So much for that.

Entry 133:

Today was slow and long. My life has become such a random bustle ever since summer, I guess I'm not really used to these kind of days anymore. It used to be that I'd spend days and days at a time in solitude, just working away, not caring about the outside world. Yet today, I was kinda lonely. I wished that somebody would come over, but I had work to do, so I didn't leave myself. Maybe I've become too attached to things...

No, that's not it. I've just gotten past the stage of "loner" and realized the joys of having friends. I can't believe I was able to live without them before. I mean, I would talk to people yes, have the occasional run-in with the usual people, but I never really had people that I'd talk to nearly every day, that I know I could count on to make me happy, that I could return the favor to any time.

Yet, at the same time, I feel as if the friends I've found, or should I say FRIEND, is thinking less and less of me every day. Marisa really has been my one friend ever since I left Makai, even if I never wanted to admit it. After I had gotten to know her better, I just wanted to get closer and closer, until these feelings emerged. Romantic thoughts are not to be taken lightly if they are true, and I'm positive mine are. Of course I'm going to want to be near Marisa, to talk to her, to see her.

And yet, despite all of this bonding I have done with her, she goes to choose Reimu. No, I'm not going to go as far as to say that I was the only choice for her, but I honestly don't see what all Reimu has done for her in the past. They disagree about countless things, which gets them into countless fights. Reimu herself hardly favors anybody or anything except Gensokyo, herself, and her donations. I don't understand what kind of logic would lead Marisa in that direction...I guess Reimu is cute and all, but Marisa can't be THAT shallow. I know she isn't, or else she would have had plenty of "loves" by now.

Entry 134:

Another virtually eventless day.

There's only one good thing about days like this: I get a lot of my own thoughts sorted out. Through a lot of self-reflection, I've finally been able to recapture the love that I have for Marisa for use in my spellcards. Yet, something is different. I feel as if the love is no longer free and whimsical, but a duty and a part of me. The love can no longer act as it did before, simply because it no longer has options like it did before Reimu came into the picture.

This power is of sheer will and determination now...Determination toward what, I'm not entirely sure. But my heart knows, even if I'm not consciously aware of it's intentions.

I'm going to go to the Shrine tomorrow, hopefully Marisa will be there. I want to wish those two best of luck, but tell Reimu that I have high expectations of her, and for her not to let me down, or else she'll have these spells to deal with. I think that's a reasonable solution to this problem.

Entry 135:

That bitch. That no good, manipulative, whorish bitch.

As I got to the Shrine, I VERY CLEARLY saw Reimu hit her. Very. Very. Clearly. I don't care what they were fighting about, Marisa looked hurt. And NOBODY hurts Marisa like that.

I hope Reimu enjoys the black eye I gave her, because she's going to need to live it up as much as she can before our duel tomorrow.

That bitch is going down.

Entry 136:

Game set and match.

I hope Reimu's learned her lesson in blood, because mercy is for those who deserve it, and like hell if I was going to hold back on her.

Entry 137:

I...I don't know what to say about anything...I guess I should start from the beginning.

Reimu called me out to that duel for obvious reasons. She said she didn't want to do it that day though, for reasons she wouldn't tell me. Grudgingly I accepted it, but I realized that this would give me time to plan out what I was going to do, as well as bring more spellcards with me.

Either Reimu wasn't taking it as seriously as she should have, or she's really lost her touch, because I won that duel hands down with my new spells. I thought that Reimu would have learned to treat Marisa with more respect, but I've done just the opposite.

Apparently, I hurt Reimu really badly. Those spells I've devised, when Unbridled Passion took down several trees without maximum output, I should have known how powerful they were. But I continued to use them without hesitation, continued to let my own rage befall me.

Worst of all...Marisa hates me. She wants me to leave them alone, both of them, because what I've done is terrible.

I don't blame her. Reimu looked half dead. Probably was.

Marisa...I'm sorry. More than you could ever realize.

If I died tonight, nobody would care. I just might. The world would do better without me anyway.

I did it out of love...What have I become?
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 05, 2010, 06:39:34 PM: : (

On the one hand, I'm kinda proud of Alice, in that not only did she manage to beat Reimu in a spellcard duel, but that she didn't go psycho yandere on her (or, at least not full out like everyone's expecting).

On the other hand, I'm a bit disappointed in her. Also, worried, but I'm... eighty five percent sure that she will never go through with her thoughts of suicide. Anyways, one of her problems is that she's never really forthcoming with her thoughts and emotions to anyone, always too hesitant. Perfectly reasonable, but when one of the issues surrounding this whole debacle appears to be that most people aren't taking her seriously, well...
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 05, 2010, 07:07:56 PM: I can't blame Alice for what she did, considering her childhood in Makai and how she lived in Gensokyo up to that point. She's never really had anyone to confide in aside from her dolls, litterally just talking to herself, and Marisa. It was inevitable that she's form a bond with Marisa and it would grow into something far more.

Problem comes from Alice never experiencing love before and getting shot down in a not-so-subtle way, damn you Marisa, we could have avoided all of this if you didn't have the social graces of a grenade.

There's really no one at fault here. Alice is reeling from being rejected by her first love. Marisa is just being Marisa. And Reimu is just being Reimu. Honestly, with the kind of love-based power Marisa throws around so leasurely, there should be no doubt that Reimu loves Marisa immensely.

Just another tale of unfortuate circumstances and Danmaku. Lets just hope Shinki doesn't get word of this...
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Marin The Magus on November 05, 2010, 08:03:49 PM: Well, Alice had her reasons for doing that. Though, she could have controlled herself a little bit more. And Marisa...Breaking what the doll's simbol meant so easily, that certainly didn't seem like Marisa. Besides, she has seen Reimu almost dying of dnamaku (if that's even possible) and she has done nothing to the ones that did it, IN FACT, she has fought with Reimu several times. I'm just mad at Marisa, but being the love-magician she is, I should've expected it.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 08, 2010, 07:28:49 PM: Entry 138:

Well, in a nutshell, today sucked. I still can't get my mind off of how Marisa looked when she told me to leave her alone...

When I hit Reimu and gave her that black eye, Marisa looked mad. I signed it off as a "she'll thank me later" at the time, but now I'm starting to rethink that. I was in such a blind rage that I didn't care, all I wanted to do is make Reimu pay for hurting Marisa.

Marisa didn't want us to duel. She knew that I was going to overdo it, I think. I subconsciously knew I was going to overdo it as well, but I didn't care. All that needed to be done was make Reimu pay. That's it.

Before our duel started, I noticed that Marisa was looking onward with a grim look. I don't know what she could have been thinking though, seeing her friend and her girlfriend fight like that. I doubt it could have been nice though.

I'll admit that I broke the spellcard rules in our duel. I wasn't after a fair fight, I wasn't fighting with beautiful thought like you're supposed to. I wasn't looking to simply overpower her to make a deal in my favor - I was looking for blood. At that moment, I could have died, and it wouldn't have mattered to me. All I was concerned about was taking Reimu down, making sure she'd remember to treat Marisa with respect, or die for it. Such blind rage...I feel it now, even. I still don't forgive Reimu for doing what she's done. But I feel terrible for what I've done.

I shouldn't have hurt her that bad. Either she's a really good actress, or she was on the edge of passing out. The sheer overwhelming power of the danmaku I used wasn't charged to be numerous like it usually is - it wasn't made simply to be powerful in numbers in hopes of hitting its target. No, it was made with a rageful power, with intentions of destroying the target. Maybe I had created less danmaku that way, but the bullets and lasers I did create were very quick and powerful. It's through repeated hits with such shots that Reimu's spells were broken so quickly, and the aftershocks of that power physically hurt her. Badly.

But, to be completely honest, I was glad I hurt her. And I still would be if it weren't for the fact that Marisa now hates me for it. She was over Reimu when she landed with a horrified look, a look that will haunt me for a long time, I'm sure. Her eyes, although once filled with cheer and energy, were filled with shock and tears in that moment. And I caused it. All of it. And even worse, Marisa was up in an instant, pointing her Hakkero at me, screaming at me to just get away from them. And...

And that she doesn't want me to be around her ever again, she said.

Entry 139:

I really want to cry. I really do. But for some reason, I can't. I'm just...existing. I have this constant weight on my heart, and I can't do anything about it. I can't even kill myself correctly. I sat last night with a knife to my neck for at least an hour...I can't do it. For one, I can't stand the pain, but more importantly I can't stand the thought of leaving this world with Marisa still so mad at me. I can't get pills from Eirin either, because I know she wouldn't perscribe something that would kill me.

I'm really stuck. I really am. Marisa hates me, she doesn't want to talk to me. I can't end my own life. I can't control anything, can I? The only thing I have are these dolls...And even then, as I control them, the futility in their own existence is astounding, as they get destroyed at a sizable rate during battles. So what do I really control?

Nothing.

Entry 140:

That doll of me is sitting on my bedroom shelf, and it's unsettling. I know I still have this doll, but does Marisa still have the doll I gave her? Doubtful - she most likely Master Sparked it after what I did to Reimu. I don't blame her, considering how much of a failure I am.

I can't please Marisa even if I tried, because I have been trying, and look where it got me. I try to be her friend, and she accepts it at first, but I ruined that with all these stupid thoughts of romance. And after that, I tried to be somewhat of a guardian angel to her, reasoning that even if I can't have her, I could make sure she at least lives happily. But I had to ruin that as well with my stupid emotions, never thinking, only doing.

And now I'm here, alone. Again. Sitting in my house, my dolls the only ones I have as company. And, when one goes to think about it, that means nothing. I have fabric and wood as company - yeah, I'm leading a great life here.

Maybe I should go see Patchouli to get my mind off this stuff...I really just need SOMEONE as a friend right now.

Entry 141:

Well Patchouli hardly helped. All she told me was that I kinda deserved it, even though I was trying to be nice to Marisa. She just calmly told me to keep a better check on my own emotions and look out in the future.

How like her to basically not care about other people's problems. I mean, at least she didn't get mad or anything, but she could have at least shown a LITTLE interest. I guess that's just Patchouli though. If she were to be concerned with relationships, she would leave her library once in a while and go have a few outside of the mansion.

Entry 142:

Everything hurts. It's hard to get up in the morning even, considering I have nothing to get up for anymore. All I do now is try to work, but that work is simply for myself, and has no benefit on anything outside of my own home, really. So, in reality, the choice when I wake up is to either stay in bed and mope, or get up and slave away at things that don't matter anymore. Such a choice.

Marisa, I love you so much, you have no idea. I'm so sorry for what I did, I was just trying to protect you...If I had one chance to make it up to you, I would do anything you wanted. Anything.

Entry 143:

I really want to go out and apologize to her, but I can't find the heart to. I'm not going to go see somebody who hates me, because then I would have betrayed her wishes yet again. She wants me to stay away from her, and I painfully have to. I just really wish that I could go back in time and fix this stupid ordeal...There's nothing I can do about that, though. Even if I had somebody like Keine to help me, messing with history to fix a stupid mistake that only affects a very small group of people is quite selfish of me, as well as a waste of time and energy. Besides, the full moon isn't for another couple weeks.

I can't really go to talk to Reimu either, I doubt she's happy at me due to what I did. I don't blame her at all for that, though. The point of what I did wasn't to make Reimu happy, it was to make her sorry for mistreating Marisa. I don't know if she's actually sorry, though, because Marisa isn't happy about it either. I bet if anything, she's just pissed that I was meddling with things that really aren't my business.

And yet...I love Marisa. So it IS my business. Even if she hates me...I still love her. This kind of love isn't something that people would normally think of, I imagine. No, what I feel for Marisa is beyond simple infatuation, simple lust, simple joy. What I feel for Marisa is at a much, much deeper level than that.

Marisa, even though she might hate me, I will never stop caring about her. I'm always going to want to protect her, because she is so special to me. I can't even begin to describe in words why that is, but it just is. I could try to bring up my story about meeting her in Makai again, but it simply does not do this feeling justice. No matter what happens, I will always love Marisa, and I will always be here for her, even if she doesn't want it. I will always come to her aid when she needs it, and I will always look out for her. Always think of her fondly, and always do my best to ensure she lives happily...

Entry 144:

I was reading over what I wrote yesterday, I don't know where all of that pure emotion came from. I think I hit a nerve in my own heart, and it just kind of happened. It was as if I had struck a point of enlightenment, like I had decided my life's goal right then.

And it's all true.

I can't explain why, but Marisa is simply the most special person in my heart, whether she knows it or not. And everything I do, in reality, is for her.

I miss her so much...

Entry 145:

I've come to a conclusion today while attempting to work. I'm going to apologize to Marisa tomorrow, and then I'm going to apologize to Reimu. I don't care what either of them think, I owe them an apology.

Tomorrow.

Entry 146:

It was...awkward, to say the least. Marisa wasn't at her house, so I headed to the Shrine instead. Sure enough, the two were sitting together, having tea. Reimu looked like she was better, although she still had a few marks on her.

I had to stand there in front of both of them, after being greeted with a curt "what do you want" from Reimu, and apologize. It was hard to stop myself from crying, but I did it. And, after I had gotten no response from either of them, I just left.

I tried my best to apologize fully, and I meant every word I said. And yet, I have a feeling that either they didn't believe me, or they didn't care. Reimu looked mad, and Marisa looked confused. I just don't know what to do anymore. There really is nothing left, considering I've apologized, and that's gotten me nothing.

So what now?

Entry 147:

Tears. So many tears. I don't understand anything.

Marisa came over to my house today to say she accepted my apology. And yet, when she left, she left behind something.

A doll.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 08, 2010, 09:10:32 PM: ;_;
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 08, 2010, 10:00:54 PM: Quote from: Ryuu on October 29, 2010, 09:27:58 PM
marisa is the best bro ever
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Marin The Magus on November 09, 2010, 01:41:35 AM: I swear that if I was Alice, instead of hitting Reimu, I would hit Marisa...
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 09, 2010, 07:10:47 PM: Good lord...Alice needs a hug. If this isn't the end yet, I can only shudder when I think about how low Alice's psyche can go after that kind of emotional stress.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 09, 2010, 08:08:53 PM: Entry 148:

The two dolls are sitting together on that shelf. And there they shall stay, I assume.

I'm not going to throw either of them away. I just can't bear to do that. I can't believe Marisa would just do that to me though, after all we've been through.

I don't feel like writing today. I just can't. I have enough to worry about right now, like trying to keep myself from going insane, that even trying to form a sentence correctly is hard for me.

Entry 149:

I was hoping that Marisa being Marisa just left the doll here, and would be back by now to pick it up and say she was sorry for any misunderstanding. Well, I'm sadly mistaken, because they're still sitting in the same place that I left them. The two dolls of eachother, sitting side by side...It's the closest I'll ever get to her again, isn't it? I just...I don't even know where to begin about how to feel about this. I don't think anybody has created a sufficient word to explain the terrible ache that pains me every day.

I screwed up, big time. And I can't do anything about it. I'm completely at the mercy of Marisa, and she doesn't want to have to do anything with me.

Entry 150:

I went on a walk today through the forest. I went and I explored plenty of places that I've never been before. Or, at least, I wish it was that nice.

Now that I'm done kidding myself, I ran out into the forest today. I was kind of hoping that some powerful youkai or animal or something would find me before anybody else did, but I can't even have that. I just kinda blindly headed into the forest, not caring where I was going, hoping to find either an end or a new beginning. I found nothing but mushrooms and trees. Those damned mushrooms...they remind me of Marisa. Why can't I get my mind off of her? That no good bitch is the one responsible for my sorrow. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have fallen in love with her, and I wouldn't be here today, doing what I'm doing now.

And yet...She told me never to regret loving somebody. Does she regret telling me that? I have no idea what to think of her...I care about her so much, and at the same time, she is the catalyst of my downfall.

Just somebody kill me, please.

Entry 151:

Yukari made a suprise appearance at my house. She told me that she heard from Reimu about our fight, and pitied me a little. Key word: little.

She said a lot of random nonsense like she always does, and seemed to enjoy herself when it was getting harder and harder to contain my own emotions. I swear, she lives for nothing but to annoy people and push their limits, and finds it funny when people snap. Poor Ran must have a handful every day to deal with.

Apparently this would be the last day that Yukari would be making any major activity, because winter is fast approaching. It's practically here. She wanted to tell me, though, a cryptic message that would apparently solve my problems. It goes as follows:

"When two great powers collide, a large amount of energy is created. This energy is for better or for worse, destructive or constructive. The coexistence of two independently functioning societies, however, do not matter to eachother in the end, and are only bridged by choice, and mean nothing if waived. A symbiotic parasite relies on its host as much as the host relies on the worm, despite the medications given. That way, when nothing is for certain, all makes sense."

And then she gave me a hug and left. What the hell is wrong with that girl, saying such weird things.

Entry 152:

I've been kind of thinking of what that message might mean. It's obviously symbolic, considering Yukari never gives anybody a straight answer until it's too obvious to not already know.

Two great powers colliding: Could mean a number of things - An incident, a weather disaster, Gods battling.
Energy for better or worse: Like hell if I know...I guess it means that the outcome of the happening is never certain?
The societies: Humans and Youkai? The bit about the independence is extremely confusing, because nothing I can think of, except Gensokyo as a whole perhaps, functions completely independently. Could it mean Gensokyo and the outside world?
Symbiotic Parasite: No clue.
Nothing being certain: Why the hell would it make sense when nothing is certain? And what makes sense, even?

I hate Yukari's vagueness. I wish she would have just told me what she meant...

Entry 153:

I give up on that stupid riddle. Yukari is probably just messing with my head and didn't mean anything. It's not unlike her to do that. And besides, just about everyone hates me already, it's not like I had to look forward to anything.

I can't stand myself anymore. I can hardly stand the world as it is. I...I've lost my best and only friend, Marisa.

It's re-hitting me today, and I see the true nature of it all.

Marisa could care less if I die...she doesn't care if I get hurt, she doesn't care if I cry, she doesn't care if I do anything, I could simply disappear tomorrow, or right now even, and she would never notice, let alone care. I know all of this because I still have the doll I made for her...The doll that meant our friendship. She gave her friendship back, basically throwing it away. What does that say to me?

"Fuck you Alice."

I should be mad...But...I can't. I don't know why. I feel as if instead of being mad, I should be sad because I've just failed. Failed being a good friend to Marisa...I'll never live up to whatever Reimu does for her. I've failed my duty that I swore myself to, I can't keep Marisa happy because of how much she dislikes me now.

You'd think that Marisa would know the amount of pain she's causing me, and find a little sympathy in her heart to spare me that. And yet, I must have screwed up in the worst way imaginable if she'd go as far as to end our friendship...

I'm a failure. A terrible, terrible failure. If only I could convey the amount of sadness I'm feeling, and the pain of the tears that are welling up in my eyes right now.

Entry 154:

I went to the village today to stock up on some items I've been lacking. Still, nobody seemed to care that I haven't been out for an extremely long time. I don't even know half the people there, but you think that somebody like a shopkeeper would at least make the note of "haven't seen you in a while miss", considering I go to the same shops every time I need something.

Whenever somebody is sad, they usually tend to talk to their friends about it. Well, sad thing is, I don't have friends to talk to.

Misery is an understatement.

Entry 155:

I swear, I'm going to go catatonic. I can't deal with these emotions, and my only option is to bottle them up and try not to feel. But even that is painful, because I know I'm fighting a losing battle.

I went to Eientei today to see if I could get something from Eirin to help with my stupid emotions...She told me that my daytime emotions weren't a clinical condition, but instead a state of mind, so relying on medicine would be foolish. She did, however, offer to give me something called a Butterfly Dream Pill that would ensure a good dream to whoever takes it. With nothing better to look forward to, I gladly took a bag full.

I hope these things work.

Entry 156:

Yes, I had a wonderful dream. It's 7am right now, and I'm in tears. Why is that?

Well, my dream had everything to do with Marisa, and waking up is a cruel mistress, considering that's when you find out nothing is real.

--

Those pills...What do I do? Do I keep taking them and live in my own fantasy world, just trying to get by in real life, just waiting for night time so I can go to sleep and be happy? That sounds like a terrible, terrible life. I can't do that. I'll keep these pills just in case, but...I just can't take them right now. I'd rather live with the fact that I'm a failure than have to deal with the fact that I'm lying to myself.

Marisa, it's been weeks since I've seen you happy at me. I miss your smile so much...more than you'll ever understand. I can't live without you...
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 09, 2010, 08:39:15 PM: I read the previous entry as marisa made another doll for alice and now that I am wrong I am sad : (
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 10, 2010, 11:46:23 AM: Yukari is suggesting a Tenchi solution? And Alice is getting hooked on Eirin's shady drugs?

Clearly, this is all a Moriya Shrine Conspiracy!
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: nolrai2 on November 10, 2010, 05:53:55 PM: You can actually understand what Yukari suggested?

I am impressed.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 10, 2010, 07:57:51 PM: Entry 157:

That bag of pills is taunting me. I really want to take them, but I know I shouldn't, because it's all a lie.

Why did this sort of misfortune befall me? All I have ever done is love her, and look where it's gotten me...is chivalry so far gone that it's no longer accepted to act in a kind manner like that? What kind of messed up world do we live in where somebody can't even love somebody else without being punished for it?

I sound so terrible. I read the entries I've made, and I sound like I'm either dying or going insane. Both of those probably aren't too far off from the truth, considering how vastly different each entry may be - one is about love, the other hate, the next confusion, then back to love. I don't even understand myself anymore, and nothing good can come of that.

At least the dolls still smile.

Entry 158:

I've tried my best all day to simply do nothing but work. Work will keep my mind off of things. Thing is, all I worked on was trying to figure out what to work on. Honestly, I have no clue, with Aishiteru being a successful failure. I guess I could continue on my project I was working on before that, but looking at it now, I hardly know what I was trying to accomplish with it, despite my detailed notes. It seems so superficial now, in light of what I now know.

Just keep on dredging on, something will get better...

Entry 159:

The most signs of life I saw today were the birds outside my house this morning. And they didn't even stick around.

I hate being lonely. Hate it more than most people should. I miss you Marisa...please forgive me. I can't do anything about it though...it's terrible.

I'm repeating myself over and over again these past few days, and it's starting to sicken me. I know I should be better than this, but I just can't seem to move on. Maybe that in itsself shows how deep rooted my feelings for her are.

Entry 160:

It's getting colder and colder every day. It probably won't be too much longer before it starts to snow.

Entry 161:

If I had a book for every time I said "I can't do this", I'd own a library comparable to Patchouli's.

I can't do this. Then again, what CAN I do? Marisa, you idiot, why did I even fall in love with you? You've been nothing but uncaring toward my emotions ever since you figured out about them, and I don't know why I still continue to care. I can't keep my own emotions suppressed, even when I haven't talked to her in such a long time. I just want to cry, to make everything go away. I don't understand anything, and I probably never will...

I hate emotion. And yet, I can't live without it.

Entry 162:

Well, nothing is looking up, and nothing ever will. I'm serious here...This is it. Weeks and weeks have gone by, and things have only gone downhill.

Ever since I decided to bond more with Marisa, I've learned the joys of having friends. I can't go back to being lonely like I was, I was always miserable then too. Today, though, it's worse, considering I KNOW what I'm missing, and I long for it evermore. I don't think anybody has gone through this kind of pain - the pain of losing everybody you have.

I can't live like this. And I don't think I will continue to.

Entry 163:

I've stopped attempting to work. It's useless.

I should go return the books I've borrowed from Patchouli. Not like I'll be needing them.

Entry 164:

Patchouli was glad I returned her books. But she looked surprised that I returned ALL of them. Still, not like she cares, she has her books back.

I also noticed how Meiling was sleeping with a smile on her face. She's lucky, she has a home where she can talk to people, even if they don't exactly respect her 100%, I know that deep down they like her as one of the family. I'd be jealous, but there's no point in tearing myself further down.

Entry 165:

I cleaned my house today, and made everything extremely tidy. Everything looks as if nobody has touched it in quite a while...that's good. An atmosphere of little stress...At least it can be peaceful.

Entry 166:

It still hasn't snowed. I love the snow, not many people know that about me. Watching it fall for the first time in winter has always been a secret love of mine. It's so beautiful, the blankets of white. The way it glistens in the moonlight as well, it's quite the scene.

There's really nothing left in my life to do but wait for that first snow, I guess.

Entry 167:

Still no snow. And yet, it continues to get colder and colder every day. It's as if even the weather is taunting me...Fitting.

Entry 168:

Clouds are everywhere in the sky, and no snow. It's definitely winter, and still no snow.

I guess I can't ever have anything I want, can I?

Entry 169:

That's it. I'm done waiting for the snow.

I haven't been exactly writing it down, but I've been crying myself to sleep every night for about a week. Every day, I can't shake the feeling of this terrible sadness I have, and I know it's all my fault. I could have done so many things differently, and yet I chose what I did, which screwed everything up. Everything that's happened to me that's driven me to this state of mind has been all my fault.

And so, it is thus, that it's going to end.

I'm useless in the world anyway. Nobody cares if I go, I'm simply another faceless person to everybody. Everybody except for Marisa, I guess. But Marisa is going to remember me as that loser who wouldn't stop her idiotic feelings and would rather ruin the beautiful friendship she shared with me than think of her for even a second.

I guess this is going to be the last thing I ever write then, huh? It's strange, thinking I'll be gone in a little bit. And yet, will I be truly gone? I'll have to pass through judgement, live in the netherworld...Maybe I could get some advice on how to live in the afterlife from Yuyuko.

I'm really running out of things to say. Stalling really isn't an option here, and yet, nobody would know or care if I did.

It's dark out. And still, there's no snow.

I guess this bed will be my final resting place. There's clean sheets, and everything is in order. I just wish there was a way that I could apologize to Marisa one last time, to make sure she knew how sorry I was.

If you ever find this book, Marisa, please know that even though it's selfish of me to say after all that's happened, I still love you. I still wish you nothing but happiness, and I hope that if you don't forgive me, you at least know my reasoning behind my actions. I did everything out of love, and love messes with ones judgement, so I'm sorry for any rash, idiotic things I did to you or Reimu.

I love you.

Goodb

Just then, Alice heard a loud knocking in her door.

"Alice!!! Alice, you in there? I need to talk to you!!!"

Alice knew that voice. The tears that had been welling up in her eyes started to spill over. She couldn't begin to think of what Marisa would want with her right now.

"Go away Marisa..." the dollmaker quietly mumbled to herself. Alice thought Marisa sounded angry, or at least upset about something. "I know I screwed up, you don't have to tell me again."

The excessive knocking continued, but Alice didn't care. If anything, knowing that Marisa was right there, still mad at her, anguished her even further. She picked up the silver kitchen knife that she had sharpened the day before, and pressed it against her neck. She could feel the sharp edge pressing into her skin, and knew that there was no going back now.

"Goodbye..." Alice quietly said, and began to press the knife slowly harder and harder.

Just then, Alice's door broke inward, and Marisa rushed into her room.

"ALICE!!!" The witch screamed as she saw what Alice was about do to to herself. Marisa jumped on top of her, knocking the knife out of her hand.

"Go away, you idiot!!! Can't you see that I'm solving this damned problem!? You'll never have to deal with me again, and you can keep being happy with Reimu..." Alice began writhing wildly and trying to break out of Marisa's grasp, thinking of nothing but the knife.

"Alice, I love you!"

The dollmaker stopped. Her heart skipped several beats, and everything suddenly became quiet.

"Please don't do this Alice...I can't live without you."

"But..."

"I know." Marisa slowly got off her, and went over to the shelf where the two dolls were sitting. "I gave this back to you, but I know how terrible of a mistake this was. Truth is, I've been feeling terrible ever since I did it." Marisa picked up the doll of herself and hugged it tightly.

"What about...?" Alice attempted to say.

"Reimu?" Marisa finished her sentence. Alice only nodded. "I figured out she wasn't what I thought she was...Reimu really is kinda self centered, even worse than I am, which is saying something."

The two girls let off a small chuckle, mixed with Alice's cough of tears. Marisa went to sit next to Alice on her bed, and hugged her warmly.

"Please Alice...I know I haven't been exactly nice to you this past month or so, but I've learned that you're the only person who's ever truly cared about me. Can you forgive me?"

Alice couldn't believe what she was hearing. All she did was begin to cry again. This time, however, the tears were caused not by sadness, but sheer joy.

"I love you..." Alice managed to say.

"You too..." Marisa comforted her.

The two looked out the window next to Alice's bed.

It was snowing.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Marin The Magus on November 10, 2010, 08:06:50 PM: I'M FRIGGIN' CRYING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!
God this was...
I expected this, but still...
STILL...
Oh dear here I go again... *sobs*
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 10, 2010, 08:26:03 PM: The ending...it felt...abrupt. I mean, yeah...Huzzah for Alice. But something just didn't feel right. I don't know...I hope it's just me.

I think Marisa is lying about Reimu. It wouldn't make any sense for her to suddenly dump Reimu for Alice after those events. I don't know...this whole ending kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

*shrugs*

Screw it. I won't overthink this. It was a great read regardless. Cheers!
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 10, 2010, 08:58:03 PM: have to agree with blackraptor, though I enjoyed it overall

the ending just seemed to shoot out of nowhere and felt a bit convenient
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 10, 2010, 09:47:31 PM: In my own defense, about the abruptness, the ending really was happening in front of Alice the entire time, she just didn't care to pay any attention to it. I could write out a better explaination from a not-Alice point of view, and that probably would show how things were going in reality. You guys have to realize that Alice was a super-depressed and confused lovestruck girl, she's not going to think rationally, and her thoughts are going to be plagued by her problems more than solutions.

Just sayin.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Dorian White on November 10, 2010, 10:30:04 PM: I kind of expected that Entry 170 is about Dream Pill, but that's probably just me always expecting the worst.
Nonetheless an really amazing work, can't tell the last time I was so riveted by a story.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 10, 2010, 10:39:08 PM: The ending doesn't really work with me either, mostly because how sheerly convenient everything was. Alice was correct about Reimu being self centered, Marisa finally realizing that, Marisa arriving at the exact moment that Alice was going to kill herself, and everything ending all happy like... It's very jarring, doesn't really seem to fit, and it uses Reimu as a scapegoat while exonerating Marisa. Plus, Alice using the knife to slash her throat as her method of suicide doesn't seem to fit: it's a very messy way to die, which seems to completely run up against the fact that she made sure that everything was neat and clean, and it's very hard to be saved from, which I think that Alice really does want to be saved. Alice overdosing on Eirin's shady drug seems to fit better, since it seemed like you were foreshadowing it anyways, and, since it IS Eirin's shady drug, it's possible that taking too much of it wouldn't kill Alice, giving Marisa a less Sanae-sanctioned window of opportunity.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 10, 2010, 11:33:27 PM: I'm big on subtle hints, and hoping people know a lot about the subject at hand already, because I hate explaining myself.

Eirin is a medical genius, whatever she makes can't really be deadly unless it was intended to be, or at least has some sort of extreme curing ability, such as stopping profuse vomiting. The amount of pills that Alice would have had to take to destroy herself would be akin to just choking on anything, really. The worst that would probably happen is that she would get brain damage from over-activity in the night, which wouldn't kill her, but leave her worse off. The pills were kinda just thrown in there to link this to cannon, as well as give Alice more depression.

Reimu IS a self centered jerk, honestly, and if you were to think about it, Marisa and Reimu fight a LOT. They're friends, sure, but Reimu gets mad at Marisa's shenanigans almost daily, and that could only lead to strife. Their relationship would be akin to loving a bipolar person - They're good one minute, and bitching you out the next. Marisa isn't the kind of person that would put up with somebody who is honestly mad at them every other day, not just a Tsundere mad in which the anger goes away quickly with the right amount of apologizing and/or love. I personally don't see Reimu as being big on the whole love-love thing, she's too concerned with other matters to deal with that kind of thing. Realize that she takes incidents very seriously compared to Marisa, and is probably extremely stressed all the time, always wary of who or what could betray her and Gensokyo next.

You also have to remember that this is Alice's diary, and therefore it's Alice's thoughts. That doesn't mean that everything that is written here is complete fact - it's actually quite skewed, most likely. What REALLY happens in a day is kind of up to the reader, but I guess I could make up a better back story if people REALLY want it. But the point of explaining this is to show how Alice is not thinking rationally. Put it this way: If you were as depressed as Alice for such a long period of time, and it got worse and worse every day, how long could you keep your sanity?

I personally don't think the ending was rushed - Alice's fit of depression started on entry 81, almost 3 months before the ending. Entry 117, which is 52 days before the end, only complicated things. It hit her harder in Entry 137, 32 days before the end. So for 52 days, she just slipped farther and farther down the hole, after subconsciously slipping for 36 days beforehand. That's nearly 3 months of constant and utter rage, depression, confusion, and whatnot. The only *rushed* part about it is how Alice decided to stop writing about things a few days before she decided to follow through with her plans of suicide, thus making the story look shorter, but in reality, it took her about a week. If you look at each post I made as a different "chapter", then maybe it's slightly rushed, but really it's one timeline, and the eventual outcome was setting itsself up since Marisa told her that she doesn't love her.

As for Marisa coming in at -just- the right moment, stories are great like that. This is Gensokyo - blame it on fate, magic, whatever.

I feel like an english teacher. >> (Also, this post isn't to say "screw you" to anybody who commented on the ending feeling rushed, it was to clarify things. I thank you all for reading this, and if enough begging ensues, I was kinda serious about writing a less Alice-biased timeline. (Of course, it would be much shorter, and only focus on key events.))
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 10, 2010, 11:53:42 PM: I don't think that the ending is rushed, just that it came out of nowhere. there was no real buildup, it was just "hey suddenly suicide and OH WAIT GOOD END". I mean yeah, 162 was probably supposed to show that alice was going to kill herself, but to the reader, she's talked about killing herself so many times already that it doesn't stick out.

Quote from: AMZYoshio on November 10, 2010, 11:33:27 PM
Reimu IS a self centered jerk, honestly

your reimu is a self-centered jerk. for those of us who interpret reimu as less of a jerk, the spousal abuse and the surprise breakup came kinda out of left field. not saying having a jerk reimu is bad, but to the readers there was almost no implication to her being a jerk. imo the reimu scenes made her seem more aloof and distant than a wife-beater
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 11, 2010, 12:08:39 AM: Quote from: Ryuu on November 10, 2010, 11:53:42 PM
imo the reimu scenes made her seem more aloof and distant than a wife-beater

Eh, I wasn't going for wife beater either, more like someone who probably has trust issues, and is a bit volatile. Note about how Alice was commenting on how she never saw Reimu as one for relationships, and how she and Marisa got into fights a lot.

I guess all I'm trying to say about this story is one of two things: 1) A lot if implying has to be done, as well as taking extremely subtle hints, or 2) I shoulda explained more.

I dunno, this is my first story, so gimme credit. =D
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 11, 2010, 12:32:18 AM: no, it was a good story, I'm just pointing out the areas I thought were a bit off

constructive criticism man

though the biggest thing I'm seeing is that some of your subtle hints rely on your perception of a certain character, but since this is gensokyo, no two people see the same character in the same way so messages can get lost in translation so to speak. when you write in the future, you might want to keep in mind is that if something is reliant on your perception of a character, it might be good to find ways to express that in the story so the reader has a good idea of how you see the character and what they can expect from them

I mean yeah, it's kind of hard to do that from a diary perspective, but it's just general advice :V
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: nolrai2 on November 11, 2010, 01:39:30 AM: I almost feel like that good end belongs to another story...

Maybe just slow it down it bit? Its not the traditional Dramatic Entry, but having Alice get over her depression on her own, then find out that Marisa and Reimu have broken up.

Then have a whole fight with herself..

err sorry didn't mean to start plotting it out for you, but do you see what I mean?

(though I am probably crap at giving advice.)
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 11, 2010, 02:23:07 AM: One of the problems here, then, is that the hints that you were giving were either too subtle, or vague enough that it could be constructed in a way completely opposite of what you intended.

For example, I saw Marisa as being the bigger jerk than Reimu in this story, concerning Alice. First, we have the part where Alice is planning on confessing to Marisa at the party, only for Marisa to write that message in her diary. Then, despite trying to weedle information out of Alice out of why she loved Marisa, she decided to give Alice the run around about her crush on Reimu until Alice walked in on them. That, compared to Reimu's blase attitude towards everything, made her out to be more "villainous" than Reimu did (and really, I bet that EVERYONE has wanted to smack Marisa at least once).

Also, in an almost hypocritical fashion, I was wondering why the hell Marisa hadn't snuck a peek at Alice's diary again: it might've resolved some issues earlier.

Anyways, while we're on the subject, correct me if I'm wrong: Marisa and Reimu weren't going out until after Alice planned on confessing to Marisa, right? If they were already going out, then, yeah, that really would have been an ass move by Reimu, giving her bad advice.

Despite my criticisms, however, I really enjoyed reading this story; if this was your first attempt at writing fiction, then I'm pretty damned impressed. Ending a story always seems to be the toughest part (you hear that, Obsidian?).
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 11, 2010, 02:25:43 AM: Quote from: Sect on November 11, 2010, 02:23:07 AM
(and really, I bet that EVERYONE has wanted to smack Marisa at least once).

as someone who's been in marisa's position in the past, I have no problem with how she handled things and I think she handled it pretty well for the most part
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Sect on November 11, 2010, 02:27:31 AM: Quote from: Ryuu on November 11, 2010, 02:25:43 AM
as someone who's been in marisa's position in the past, I have no problem with how she handled things and I think she handled it pretty well for the most part
I didn't mean smack her for how she handled the situation concerning Alice, I just meant smacking her in general.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 11, 2010, 02:28:56 AM: Quote from: Sect on November 11, 2010, 02:27:31 AM
I didn't mean smack her for how she handled the situation concerning Alice, I just meant smacking her in general.

I have never wanted to smack Marisa
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 11, 2010, 02:30:05 AM: Quote from: Ryuu on November 11, 2010, 02:28:56 AM
I have never wanted to smack Marisa

Never played Imperishable Night against her then? *bricked*

But yeah. I guess the ending proves that I'm not much of a writer, and I'm more of a math nerd, like I've always been. :V
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Ryuu on November 11, 2010, 02:33:14 AM: Quote from: AMZYoshio on November 11, 2010, 02:30:05 AM
Never played Imperishable Night against her then? *bricked*

well yeah, of course I have. I'd much rather smack reimu's balls

Quote
But yeah. I guess the ending proves that I'm not much of a writer, and I'm more of a math nerd, like I've always been. :V

oh please. you did fine, especially for your first time
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Luneth on November 11, 2010, 03:44:01 AM: Quote from: AMZYoshio on November 11, 2010, 02:30:05 AM
But yeah. I guess the ending proves that I'm not much of a writer, and I'm more of a math nerd, like I've always been. :V
No, not comparing you to complete experts, you're awesome. XD You're waaay better than me, anyways. I think it's fairer to put it that way. I understood all of it though, and I don't have much criticism, so either a new story, back story or continuation is fine with me.
That was fun to read. :V
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: Blackraptor on November 11, 2010, 11:47:31 AM: Quote from: AMZYoshio on November 11, 2010, 02:30:05 AM
But yeah. I guess the ending proves that I'm not much of a writer, and I'm more of a math nerd, like I've always been. :V

No one ever said that you weren't a good writer. Everything else leading up to the ending was great. It just needed a bit more buildup to make Marisa's sudden confession of love to Alice more believable.

Best advice I can give: Keep Writing. You'll get better as you keep going.
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: nolrai2 on November 12, 2010, 12:41:40 AM: Quote from: AMZYoshio on November 11, 2010, 02:30:05 AM
But yeah. I guess the ending proves that I'm not much of a writer, and I'm more of a math nerd, like I've always been. :V

Nah, this is just part of the process. You wouldn't give up at a math problem just because you realized you drooped a minus sign in step 4, and an exponent at the end.

Keep going!
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: AMZYoshio on November 12, 2010, 12:59:42 AM: Quote from: nolrai2 on November 12, 2010, 12:41:40 AM
You wouldn't give up at a math problem just because you realized you drooped a minus sign in step 4, and an exponent at the end.

I'm in AP Calculus BC. Of course I would, AP kids are lazy. :3
Title: Re: The Enchanted Diary
Post by: nolrai2 on November 12, 2010, 03:49:18 AM: We'll beat that laziness out of you! :P