Maidens of the Kaleidoscope
~Beyond the Border~ => Daiyousei's Cold Storage => Topic started by: FinnKaenbyou on April 06, 2010, 08:25:16 PM
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(http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm114/Roukanken/ranclass.jpg)
Alright, children. Take your seats and stop your chatting. You've all been sent here for committing heinous crimes against the English language, and it's my job to set things right.
Okay, the word of the day is 'decimate'. Say it with me now. De-ci-mate. It's from the Latin word decimatio, or 'to remove a tenth', which itself comes from the word decem (ten). It was a punishment in the Roman army for a unit that fled the battlefield or rebelled. Other crimes would invoke execution, or demotion, but cowardice had its own unique sentence.
The unit in question would be rounded up, and separated into sets of ten. Each set would draw lots, and the man that drew the short straw would be killed by his nine fellow soldiers. Rank and guilt weren't taken into account - if you were chosen as the unlucky tenth man, your own friends would be either stoning or clubbing you to death. The 'lucky' survivors were forced to live on rations of barley rather than wheat and were forced to sleep outside the Roman encampment.
Now that the history lesson's over, I bet you're all wondering something. 'But Yakumo-sensei, why are you telling us all about this?' Well, I'll tell you. The word decimate is still in use today. Except people just plain aren't using it like it's supposed to be used.
Let me make this clear. If you decimate something, you do not utterly destroy it. You do not take it apart and, as some of you supposedly street-wise students might put it, 'rip it a new one'. You've managed to wipe out a whole ten percent. Congratulations, your boast is a lot less impressive than you want it to be.
If you want to use fancy words in this language, at least know what they mean before you say something else to bring me one step closer to an aneurysm. There are libraries out there for a reason, you know.
Huh? Questions? Fine, I'll take one more before class winds up.
Hm? Why did I pick out the word decimate in particular? Why does it mean so much to me?
Well, let's just say I had ten tails once. Then I backed out of a drinking contest with Yukari-sama, and the rest is history. On that note, the average human has just over 200 bones in their body, so any of you who are late with today's homework - on the differences between their, there and they're - may find themselves losing about 20 by the time I'm done. Just as a friendly warning.
Alright, get out of here. I'm sure you kids have better things to do than learn how to speak your own native language. Vital pastimes like mangling your words in a text message or posting hilarious faces on some internet forum. Just...just get out of my sight.
(...That damn tail story had better work. It'll scare them straight, if nothing else.)
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(This is actually a case of word usage that really does piss me off, so yeah. :V)
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You forgot crucifixion.
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/me tosses a paper airplane absentmindedly
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Figures Ran would be a prescriptivist.
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Mr. Saxon already taught us this, though. And Saxon's a man you can trust!
/me voted Saxon~!
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/me spends the entire class period drawing danmakufu ideas in his journal
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/me starts to nod off in class
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*Thundr is waiting outside*
*Ran steps out of class*
Thanks, Ran. Another great lesson, by the looks of it.
*Thundr shakes Ran's hand*
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Can I have a bathroom pass?
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My stomach hurts. Can I go to the nurse?
helloooooooooo nurse
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Please let me squeeze your boobs?
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o/
Miss. Yakumo is it nap time yet?
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/me tosses a paper airplane absentmindedly
Congratulations on not clarifying where exactly you tossed the plane in question. Let me fill in the blank for you.
/me tosses a paper airplane into his own eye absentmindedly
You should really be more careful, you know.
Mr. Saxon already taught us this, though. And Saxon's a man you can trust!
/me voted Saxon~!
Then what, may I ask, are you doing in this remedial class? Maybe you're just here for your near-sadistic abuse of tildes, now that I think about it.
/me spends the entire class period drawing danmakufu ideas in his journal
You there! At the back of the room drawing dots flying around in random directions! What's the plural of 'radius'? No cheating!
/me starts to nod off in class
*crouches down and whispers in Sapz's ear* Bees.
*Thundr is waiting outside*
*Ran steps out of class*
Thanks, Ran. Another great lesson, by the looks of it.
*Thundr shakes Ran's hand*
Good to see someone appreciates what I do here. Some days I may as well be educating a brick wall, though.
Can I have a bathroom pass?
Only after you sing all the words in the English language. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Etjd0lEpkk)
My stomach hurts. Can I go to the nurse?
helloooooooooo nurse
Fine, I'll make a compromise. Ammy, you take the letters A to M, Matsuri can recite L through Z. Just hurry up.
Please let me squeeze your boobs?
I see you've ended a statement with a question mark. Very disappointing, Miss Inaba. See me after class.
o/
Miss. Yakumo is it nap time yet?
There is no '.' after Miss. There is in Mrs., Mr., and Ms., but not Miss. I believe the internet would term my current emotion as 'I am disappoint'. Consequently, I hate the internet with a passion. Have fun with Miss Inaba after class today.
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/me tosses a paper airplane absentmindedly
/me tosses a paper airplane into his own eye absentmindedly
(http://i618.photobucket.com/albums/tt263/BaitySM/th_9836358.jpg) (http://s618.photobucket.com/albums/tt263/BaitySM/?action=view¤t=9836358.jpg)
/me stares blankly at the board
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/me is secretly playing PCB Extra during class on his laptop.
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*crouches down and whispers in Sapz's ear* Bees.
/me jumps up violently and knocks over desk
WHERE ARE THEY?!
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Noooo! Not Inaba she's mean and generally uninteresting.
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*crouches down and whispers in Sapz's ear* Bees.
You are a cruel teacher :<
There is no '.' after Miss. There is in Mrs., Mr., and Ms., but not Miss. I believe the internet would term my current emotion as 'I am disappoint'. Consequently, I hate the internet with a passion. Have fun with Miss Inaba after class today.
YOU ARE POSTING ON IT
RIGHT NOW
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/me stares blankly at the board
I see you fell for my trap. The writing on the board behind me is in Japanese, not English, so clearly you aren't paying attention. Detention for you.
/me is secretly playing PCB Extra during class on his laptop.
...I suppose I should be flattered. But I'm not.
/me jumps up violently and knocks over desk
WHERE ARE THEY?!
*points at Zak* They're in his laptop.
Noooo! Not Inaba she's mean and generally uninteresting.
That isn't my problem, is it? Maybe you'll watch your words next time.
YOU ARE POSTING ON IT
RIGHT NOW
It's a necessary evil. Someone has to step in and see to children like you.
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Darn it Baity D:
Also MY EYE MY EYE AHHHHHHH
/me runs to the school nurse's office
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I have finished singing every word in the English language. Now may I please have a bathroom pass?
Or pass me an empty Coke bottle. Up to you.
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Then what, may I ask, are you doing in this remedial class? Maybe you're just here for your near-sadistic abuse of tildes, now that I think about it.
You're just jealous because the tildes chose me~!
Please help me. They won't leave me alone. I'm so very scared now... Get them away, please! I beg you!
...Please ignore the fleshling's my insane ramblings, puny humans my friends~ Ahah~
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I see you fell for my trap. The writing on the board behind me is in Japanese, not English, so clearly you aren't paying attention. Detention for you.
I am uhh... the exchange student. >_>"
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/me tries to
steal liberate the teacher's books.
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*points at Zak* They're in his laptop.
How should I go about getting bees out of a laptop? ???
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Dunk your laptop in the class aquarium.
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I have finished singing every word in the English language. Now may I please have a bathroom pass?
Or pass me an empty Coke bottle. Up to you.
Sorry, I must have been to busy dealing with all these other miscreants to give you the alone time you deserve. I don't suppose you'd be willing to perform an encore?
As for the tilde abuser...you may need a course a little more drastic than what I can offer. Something involving electrodes in the brain.
>_>"
Ah, one of your hilarious cultural 'emoticons'. Forgive me if I feel the urge to be violently ill.
/me tries to steal liberate the teacher's books.
I wouldn't do that if I were you, child. Chen has a liking for fish, you know.
How should I go about getting bees out of a laptop? ???
Be creative.
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Be creative.
Hmm.Dunk your laptop in the class aquarium.
Tempting... I don't think the bees have scuba equipment, though. :/
...Aha, I've got it. Now they can all be proper bees!
/me sets the laptop alight with a Bunsen burner
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Very well then.
/me urinates onto the floor, singing, "Puru puru pururin, puru pururin, puru puru pururin ..."
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/me sets the laptop alight with a Bunsen burner
/me gathers books from the Library for a nice bonfire in the classroom
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/me gathers books from the Library for a nice bonfire in the classroom
In times like this, there is only one proper thing to do.
Let's make S'mores!
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Very well then.
/me urinates onto the floor, singing, "Puru puru pururin, puru pururin, puru puru pururin ..."
Puru and Pururin are not words. See me after class.
But first, go to the bathroom and stop wetting yourself. Also, borrow a mop from the janitor so you can clean up after yourself.
/me gathers books from the Library for a nice bonfire in the classroom
I can't expect that Professor Okazaki will be very impressed by your 'borrowing'.
In times like this, there is only one proper thing to do.
Let's make S'mores!
Some extra work for you - look through this dictionary and find me the word 's'mores'. You aren't allowed to leave class until you're done.
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I can't expect that Professor Okazaki will be very impressed by your 'borrowing'.
I don' know no 'Professor Okazaki', Sir. I only know Professor Kamashiraruro, and she can reverse history, so it's okay.
/me puts more books into the fire
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のゥの
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I don' know no 'Professor Okazaki', Sir. I only know Professor Kamashiraruro, and she can reverse history, so it's okay.
Ah, apologies. I forgot that most students don't know about her secret identity.
Also, you appear to be missing a letter.
のゥの
I'm calling your mother when class is over.
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Also, you appear to be missing a letter.
I'm blaming Miss Inaba, she must have stolen it.
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I'm calling your mother when class is over.
I'm calling YOUR mother right now
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* urameshyaa~ ?
:P
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I'm calling YOUR mother right now
/me pokes head through the classroom door.
OH SNAP!
/me continues dabbing at urine stains in jeans with someone's jacket he found in an open locker.
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*draws on the desk quietly*
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Motherfucker, that my jacket!
/me starts a teenagefight with Tengukami.
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Watch my hair! Not the hair! Ouch! Hang on! Wait!
/me reaches into his pocket, produces pint of Jack.
Let's cut this place and kill this bottle.
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/me wears a hat that ejects pudding from its top
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I'm calling YOUR mother right now
Ah, the faultless wit of the next generation. It brings a tear to my eye, and a throbbing pain to my skull.
* urameshyaa~ ?
:P
No capital letter, foreign onomatopoeia, and a disembodied head? A poor showing, Miss Hakurei.
*draws on the desk quietly*
Vandalism, I see. I'd like to have a conference with your mother in the near future, Miss Gap. Not another slip for her to sign as usual - I'm relatively sure you've been forging those for some time now.
As for the two rebels over here - you're looking for 'that's', 'teenagefight' isn't a word, you can't kill a bottle...you know what? Just get out. Both of you.
/me wears a hat that ejects pudding from its top
How is this relevant to anything?
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How is this relevant to anything?
Because pudding makes everyone happier! I've heard from a certain someone that it's also brain food.
You should have some. It's chocolate!
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dec?i?mate
/ˈdɛsəˌmeɪt/ Show Spelled[des-uh-meyt]
?verb (used with object),-mat?ed, -mat?ing.
1.
to destroy a great number or proportion of: The population was decimated by a plague.
Meaning "I, Dark Evil Lord, shall decimate you." only works if there is actually a large number of what you are decimating.
Regardless, it still sounds cool and that's what matters in the first place!
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/me brofists Tengukami and is happy to leave at teacher's command, to kill that good ol' Jack.
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Because pudding makes everyone happier! I've heard from a certain someone that it's also brain food.
You should have some. It's chocolate!
No eating in class. And clean up your pudding before you leave.
Oh, and I don't accept bribes. Stop trying.
Meaning "I, Dark Evil Lord, shall decimate you." only works if there is actually large number of what you are actually decimating.
Very interesting look at the question. I'll give you a gold sta-Regardless, it still sounds cool and that's what matters in the first place!
-Never mind. I think you break even now.
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/me raises hand.
Miss Yakumo, why do you hate evolution? Are you a youth earth creationist?
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/me takes a swig of whiskey.
The problem with Ran's prescriptivism is that if the self-appointed Guardians of the English Language thought this way in the 10th century, we'd still be using words with gender, declining nouns, and using crazy-ass letters like ? and ?. Language evolves and changes. Citing the ancient Roman meaning of "decimate" is laughable. Is English grammar carved in immutable stone for all time? Or is it a living thing that changes with its speakers, and the times they live in? I reject your prescriptivism, Ran! You are a tyrant, and an enemy of the language you think you protect! I would remind you that it was Winston Churchill who once said-
/me vomits onto the floor.
E-Excuse me ...
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/me crosses legs on the table
"What ya going about there, Yakumo-san? Heh? What you staring at? HRRRRR?"
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yo :ohdear: teacher :ohdear: why can :ohdear: t you chillax :ohdear:
you :ohdear: re really stressed :ohdear: man :ohdear:
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*is in shock*
Waaaiiit! What do you mean?! I just transfered here!! And this is my portfolio, SEE?!
*lift's up desk, showing that the surface is actually a giant canvas, not the desk*
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The problem with Ran's prescriptivism is that if the self-appointed Guardians of the English Language thought this way in the 10th century, we'd still be using words with gender, declining nouns, and using crazy-ass letters like ? and ?. Language evolves and changes. Citing the ancient Roman meaning of "decimate" is laughable. Is English grammar carved in immutable stone for all time? Or is it a living thing that changes with its speakers, and the times they live in? I reject your prescriptivism, Ran! You are a tyrant, and an enemy of the language you think you protect! I would remind you that it was Winston Churchill who once said-
I think Miss Yakumo hates evolution because she hates other religions. =[
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/me raises hand.
Miss Yakumo, why do you hate evolution? Are you a youth earth creationist?
I see no point in having a religious debate with a man who recites lines like 'EARTH HAS 4 CORNER SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY TIME CUBE IN ONLY 24 HOUR ROTATION.'
You are a tyrant, and an enemy of the language you think you protect! I would remind you that it was Winston Churchill who once said-
/me vomits onto the floor.
E-Excuse me...
I would have started on how this supposed evolution of the language is nowhere near as complete as you would like to believe, citing words such as zugzwang and schadenfreude, but you seem too busy wiping up your own vomit to notice. I think we should simply call this a win for me and move on.
"What ya going about there, Yakumo-san? Heh? What you staring at? HRRRRR?"
I'm staring at your hind quarters, which I expect to be making their way to the principal's office shortly.
yo :ohdear: teacher :ohdear: why can :ohdear: t you chillax :ohdear:
you :ohdear: re really stressed :ohdear: man :ohdear:
Chillax is not a word.
*is in shock*
Waaaiiit! What do you mean?! I just transfered here!! And this is my portfolio, SEE?!
*lift's up desk, showing that the surface is actually a giant canvas, not the desk*
I'm confiscating that apostrophe. And all of those unnecessary punctuation marks you've thrown in.
I don't know how much more of this I can take. My blood pressure must be in four digits by now.
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/me grins at his fellow drunkard philosophing over words and drinks some more.
boy we soon gon be needin' dat place tred fing wher we talk drunbk.
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Show me where I contended that the evolution of the English language is complete! I said quite the contrary, Miss!
/me continues wiping up vomit with math textbook.
I said it was YOU who is a prescriptivist fascist, citing millenia-old meanings for words. Really!
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boy we soon gon be needin' dat place tred fing wher we talk drunbk.
Just...just get out. (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php?topic=5595.0) I might be joining you after class ends. I need to forget this class as thoroughly as possible.
I said it was YOU who are a prescriptivist fascist, citing millenia-old meanings for words. Really!
Oh, I apologise. I'm sorry that this remedial class is offending you. Please, feel free to correct me around the time you receive a degree in linguistics. What's that? You don't have one right now? Then keep your opinions to yourself.
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Chillax is not a word.
Can I call you a bro then?
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Can I call you a bro then?
Why is it so difficult to say something like Miss Yakumo, or Yakumo-sensei? Don't you see these clumps of flesh on my chest?
...Gah, my head. Give me a minute to catch my breath...
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I see no point in having a religious debate with a man who recites lines like 'EARTH HAS 4 CORNER SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY TIME CUBE IN ONLY 24 HOUR ROTATION.'
All that hating of science and religion is going to give you all kinds of wrinkles, Miss Yakumo =[
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Don't you see these clumps of flesh on my chest?
Are you going to let me squeeze them?
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Ever considered quitting your job?
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Oh, I apologise. I'm sorry that this remedial class is offending you. Please, feel free to correct me around the time you receive a degree in linguistics. What's that? You don't have one right now? Then keep your opinions to yourself.
TRANSLATION: "I have no response to being caught talking out of my butthole, so instead, I'll hide behind my degree!"
:smug:
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Yo sensei, Yakumo-sensei's not english. Sein Unterricht ist kaputt.
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All that hating of science and religion is going to give you all kinds of wrinkles, Miss Yakumo =[
Miss Yakumo does not equal 'open square bracket'.
Are you going to let me squeeze them?
There are more productive ways to work with your jealousy, Miss Inaba.
Ever considered quitting your job?
Several times, each one cut short by Chen's pleading eyes as she asks whether we'll be able to afford dinner tonight.
TRANSLATION: "I have no response to being caught talking out of my butthole, so instead, I'll hide behind my degree!"
You have a lot to learn about the world, kid. In the end, having an opinion is inferior to owning the right piece of paper. I was reckless like you, once.
Yo sensei, Yakumo-sensei's not english. Sein Unterricht ist kaputt.
Once you learn the rules, you earn the right to break them.
...Seriously, my head is...geez, it feels like you kids have been beating on my skull all day.
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Actually, if it were decamatio, it would be I reduce by ten.
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...Seriously, my head is...geez, it feels like you kids have been beating on my skull all day.[/i]
That would be the wrinkles from all the hating evolution and other religions and brown people, Miss Yakumo.
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:helepolis:
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Actually, if it were decamatio, it would be I reduce by ten.
But it isn't decamatio. I've been saying decimatio from the beginning, haven't I? Damn, my head's pounding so hard I can barely think straight anymore.
That would be the wrinkles from all the hating evolution and other religions and brown people, Miss Yakumo.
No...it's more than that. It feels like I'm on the verge of having an aneurysm-
/me clutches at her forehead for a moment before collapsing on the floor.
...A few seconds pass, before a librarian enters.
Goddammit, who the hell decided to borrow from the library behind my ba-
/me sees the fallen Ran on the floor, and sighs as she checks for a pulse.
...Great. This is the third remedial English teacher we've lost in the last month. They always start out cocky, but the job does them in sooner than later.
Don't worry, she'll be fine. Looks like she just fainted from all the stress you kids put on her. I hope you guys are happy. Get outta here and play, or drink, or screw, or whatever it is you do when you're cutting class.
And Sakana? We need to talk about that burning pile of books over there. I'll be expecting you in the library at lunch break, if you know what I mean...
Ran's Remedial English Class - INDEFINITELY CANCELLED
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ALRIGHT MUTANTS, IT'S TIME FOR HISTORY CLASS!
Not just any history class. Naw man, we're doin' this shit for real. I'm gonna teach you all the history they don't want you to know. This is the raw stuff. This isn't going to be your daddy's history class!
First up. let's see what you kids know. Someone name the continents, all eleven of them. Go.
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A, E, I, O, U, Y, M, N, C, S, and V.
Do I get a prize? :V
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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu.
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/me has recovered his laptop from the fire
/me is relieved that it has not been seriously damaged
/me Begins sobbing uncontrollably for some reason.
Shikigami's Shot [Ultimate Buddhist]
126/127
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A, E, I, O, U, Y, M, N, C, S, and V.
Do I get a prize? :V
Half credit for the postal codes, kid, but I'm looking for the real ones here.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu.
Too busy doin' your mom, kid.
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North America
South America
Europe
Paris
Finland
Hong Meiling
Gensokyo
Antarctica
Anteaterca
Africa
Hourai
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*falls asleep and dreams of many thing. Happy things.*
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North America
South America
Europe
Paris
Finland
Hong Meiling
Gensokyo
Antarctica
Anteaterca
Africa
Hourai
There's eight of 'em in there. Good try. That's enough to get you on some watchlists.
*falls asleep and dreams of many thing. Happy things.*
/me flings an eraser at your head.
Up and at 'em sunshine! You're not gonna get the raw truth just laying there like some shmuck!
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North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Antarctica, Atlantis, Avalon, Shangri-La, Gensokyo and The Internet.
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North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Antarctica, Atlantis, Avalon, Shangri-La, Gensokyo and The Internet.
Almost there, kid, just got one wrong! Here's a hint; Avalon and Atlantis? Only a dope thinks they're different things. And that's what they want you thinking.
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Almost there, kid, just got one wrong! Here's a hint; Avalon and Atlantis? Only a dope thinks they're different things. And that's what they want you thinking.
Yes, yes, we've heard of the 1984 AvAt Treaty, and how it's basically only in place mainly to create a lucrative Sushi business in the western hemisphere, but This is a geography question, not one on Politics.
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North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Antarctica, Atlantis/Avalon, Shangri-La, Gensokyo, THE MOON and The Internet.
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Dammit. I forgot that 4chan was a separate continent outside of the internet. Sorry, Prof.
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Yes, yes, we've heard of the 1984 AvAt Treaty, and how it's basically only in place mainly to create a lucrative Sushi business in the western hemisphere, but This is a geography question, not one on Politics.
Lemme say one thing about that: I could go through a pack of smokes for every minute of my life, and not make that much of a smokescreen. You know that whole thing about the Lady of the Lake? There's a reason she's underwater, and it ain't because she drowned.
Anyways, the 11th continent's the Dreamtime. Some folks call that Hourai, so I'll give Roukan credit for it. So, who can tell me about no one lives in Shangri-La anymore. This can be a tough one, don't feel too bad if you don't get it. They've done their homework on this one. Go.
/me lights up, flicks ash into the chalk holder on the blackboard.
Dammit. I forgot that 4chan was a separate continent outside of the internet. Sorry, Prof.
Naw kid, they're just trying to claim it. It won't work, they like it right where it is.
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*falls out of his chair from the eraser*
ow ow owowowowow....
*get's back up and takes "notes" (read as ecchi doodles) *
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/me doodles things on the chalkboard (http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/5394/1210971460644.png)
Whoops, am I interrupting your class? Of course I am. :smug:
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*falls out of his chair from the eraser*
ow ow owowowowow....
*get's back up and takes "notes" (read as ecchi doodles) *
You're gettin' some special homework, kid. You good at yuri?
/me doodles things on the chalkboard (http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/5394/1210971460644.png)
Whoops, am I interrupting your class? Of course I am. :smug:
Think I use that old thing? Heh, trying to snuggle up with them, huh?
Anyways, I'll give you kids an hint why no one lives in Shangri-La. You know germ theory? That's bullshit.
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Umm... Teacher!
/me raises his hand.
I think everyone went to recess!
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era.............no?
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Umm... Teacher!
/me raises his hand.
I think everyone went to recess!
/me stubs out used up cigarette butt, flicks it into the corner.
Yep. Looks like it's time for a break. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
/me lights up another one.
era.............no?
That some Spanish, kid?
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Nah, I'm good, sir.
/me keeps playing PCB
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* TearUtsuho raises her hand* They never even taught the germ theory to my class, the teacher said "it's to complicated for you runts" and such. But I'll guess at why they don't live in Shangri-La, they didn't want to anymore, the decided to pack up and move somewhere else.
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* sneaks in, obviously late for class
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Wait, there's a new teacher? Am I even in the right class?!
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Alright kids, break's over.
* TearUtsuho raises her hand* They never even taught the germ theory to my class, the teacher said "it's to complicated for you runts" and such. But I'll guess at why they don't live in Shangri-La, they didn't want to anymore, the decided to pack up and move somewhere else.
Nope. But a good guess.
Now, don't feel too bad for not getting this one. They hid it real well. The reason why Shangr-La isn't inhabited anymore? Bullshit. It's inhabited. Just we can't see 'em anymore. You know how they tell you germs make you sick? That's only half true. What they don't tell you is that "germs" are actually the Shangri-lites. They realized, nigh on fifteen thousand years ago, there was no way they their civilization was ever going to survive as it was. So they micronized themselves, and became what we call germs. Not only that, you know that mitochondria shit? That's them too.
That's why you can't go to Shangri-La; they'll get you something fierce if you don't have a hazmat suit. And they place was long mined out, so there's no reason to go anyways.
Think about it; there's never a fossil from before then with obvious signs of disease, ever. Oh, sometimes they'll make a fake one, but even then they don't show 'em off. Those germs are people, people who forgot long ago there was every a world on our scale. And you know what, if you ever figure out how to talk to 'em, we'd solve disease forever.
/me takes long drag on cigarette, flicks the butt into the corner.
And they were right. Someday, we're all gonna have to join 'em.
Next question: Are there people on mars or not? Go.
Wait, there's a new teacher? Am I even in the right class?!
It may not be the class you're supposed to be in, kid, but it's the right class.
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People on Mars... considering your teaching stuff they don't want us to know... I'd say there are people on Mars. Alive or not, I don't know at all, but if you brought it up, and they taught me there were no people on Mars, I'd say there's a chance people are on Mars.
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This depends on the definition of People, whether that definition includes Martians, and whether people have migrated to mars from earth or not.
Chances are very slim that there aren't any people on there.
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Hold up one sec........
Nope! Not anymore!
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People still use chalkboards?
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Hold up one sec........
Nope! Not anymore!
Bingo! Why?
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Shit, I was totally guessing...
Uhh, the sun hates people living on planets without enough atmosphere?
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Shit, I was totally guessing...
Uhh, the sun hates people living on planets without enough atmosphere?
Cute, kid, but not it.
/me lights up another smoke.
Here's a hint. It's kinda a trick question to ask about it now for another reason.
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Because when the Earth came into the Solar System it smacked Mars right out its orbit and into a further one, causing everyone to die off and all the water to freeze.
Billions of years later, said people decomposed to nothing more than dust and the water still remains ICE!
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Teacherrrrrrr!
Sapz is throwing dead bees at me! Make him stooooop!
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I think I speak for everyone whe :barf: :barf: :barf: :barf:
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"Hey teach, are you still a virgin"
"Are you still single?"
"want a screw?"
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Because when the Earth came into the Solar System it smacked Mars right out its orbit and into a further one, causing everyone to die off and all the water to freeze.
Billions of years later, said people decomposed to nothing more than dust and the water still remains ICE!
Naw, that's just what they want you to think if you go digging, so you think you know the truth. But good job finding even that much. Lemme tell ya, for every one who find even that, there's a thousand that don't know dick.
Teacherrrrrrr!
Sapz is throwing dead bees at me! Make him stooooop!
Don't touch bees, Sapz. You don't wanna know how messing with them messes with your outer karma.
I think I speak for everyone whe :barf: :barf: :barf: :barf:
Man, you think you're sick now, wait til I tell you about the shit Hershey's been doing. Here's a starter. There's seven spider legs in every chocolate bar they make. Every one. And it's some guy's job to put them there.
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So how many Mars invasions have there been?
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Teacher Sana is doi- :barf: :barf: :barf:
:ohdear:
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Historically, why do American politicians think that the best way to get voters is not by informing everyone of their platform but instead telling the television that their opponents can't amount to anything?
History!
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So how many Mars invasions have there been?
Not a damn one.
Mars never had the technology to leave before the plane got destroyed in the 12th century. You know all those manuscripts talking about a bright star suddenly appearing in the sky? That was Mars going bye bye. What did it? We don't know.
And what's there now? False Mars. There's a reason why we keep talking about going there but never doing it. You don't go to False Mars. It's bad, real bad. And that's all I'm gonna say on that.
Next question: Why did America really make the highway system back in the 1950s? There's a couple fake answers to this, so be careful.
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Next question: Why did America really make the highway system back in the 1950s? There's a couple fake answers to this, so be careful.
I know this! They wanted to be like China and make their own Great Wall!
Totally!
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Historically, why do American politicians think that the best way to get voters is not by informing everyone of their platform but instead telling the television that their opponents can't amount to anything?
History!
Think that trend first began because of Andrew Johnson's campaign methods against John Quincy Adams. But that's merely what they've been telling us to believe in. Purvis knows what the true answer is... but will he tell us?
And to answer Purvis' question, to lower traffic... by increasing the amount of crashes with the speediness of highways.
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Don't touch bees, Sapz. You don't wanna know how messing with them messes with your outer karma.
But what else am I supposed to do with all of these bees? D:
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Ain't none of you got it. The wall of china thing is kinda close, but not for the reasons you think. Here's a hint, what shape do they all make, when you look at the whole thing from above?
/me takes a long drag on his smoke.
Let 'em go, Sapz. Bees are way more special than they ever tell you. They keep the natural vibration going like it should. That's why they buzz. Don't mess with 'em, it's crazy bad for your outer karma.
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I got it! The US highway system is actually a series of giant snake sculptures dedicated to Kanako made by the federal government out of sheer boredom. However, since they couldn't blow off so much money and get away with it, roads were added to the top and the whole project was declared to be public service work!
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That, or Crowley wanted to insult Saturn in Yiddish.
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That, or Crowley wanted to insult Saturn in Yiddish.
"Er nemt a meser in gayt zakh hengen."
You have Ruka to thank for my books on Yiddish. :3
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That, or Crowley wanted to insult Saturn in Yiddish.
You're so warm it hurts.
The US Highway System is designed into one big-ass, global scale magical rune. They'll have you believe it was made to hold off the USSR if it ever attacked, but that's not it. If you're good, you'll figure out what it's really for. Here's a hint, those yellow lines are super important.
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/me raises a hand
Teacheeerrrr! It's meeee!
Have sex with me!
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/me raises a hand
Teacheeerrrr! It's meeee!
Have sex with me!
Sorry kid, I got enough warrants on me from enough alphabet agencies without needing a statutory rape charge on me too.
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"Er nemt a meser in gayt zakh hengen."
You have Ruka to thank for my books on Yiddish. :3
Is this a Yo Momma joke? It better be a Yo Momma joke.
You're so warm it hurts.
The US Highway System is designed into one big-ass, global scale magical rune. They'll have you believe it was made to hold off the USSR if it ever attacked, but that's not it. If you're good, you'll figure out what it's really for. Here's a hint, those yellow lines are super important.
Damned if I know. Considering the black pavement, maybe a tribute to the Guy Made of Bees?
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When we stopped maintaining the highways proper, society started to collapse. Not the other way around.
That rune? That shit was the American Way. When it was sparking, we had the Civil Rights Movement, we had Scientists regarded as pillars of society, we had the Great Society. Then Nixon screwed it up, and things started to slide. Then Reagan came along, and pretty much let it go to pot. What happened after that? Yeesh.
It still had enough spark to help overpower Communism, and start to bring gays into the American fold as proper citizens. But...well, it's just not got the oomph anymore. Muslims are locked out, you got shits talking about poll taxes and literacy tests, science is a dogwhistle for "those elitist fuckers"... It's trying, it really is. But it's just too badly damaged, and the magic's getting away. We gotta fix it, and fast.
Alright. Now an essay question. I'll give you kids a bit of time on this one: Which alien theories are bullshit, and why.
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All of them because I said so.
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FINALLY. A real history teacher.
So tell us about the lizard people. The true story. We can handle it!
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Any theory that suggests humanity has even the slightest hope of challenging an alien invasion. Y'know, things like 'they can't survive our
germs former residents of Shangri-La', or they're vulnerable to certain elements or colours. They're just floating around to stop the entire planet collapsing into a disastrous depression when it has to come to terms with its own powerlessness.
I, for one, welcome our new <insert trait of new world rulers here> overlords.
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/me enters the classroom through MC Hammer sliding across the front and then to his seat in the back
Teacher, if this rune is so important, wouldn't that mean that Michigan would end up being a rather large center point of it?
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How did Dinosaur die?
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Hey, person-sensei, I noticed that your title and follow up message don't match, is that on purpose, or a joke?
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/me pulls out a book and reads instead of paying attention
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Y'know, fuck this desu shit.
/me falls asleep.
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FINALLY. A real history teacher.
So tell us about the lizard people. The true story. We can handle it!
I'll tell you this much, they're not actually lizards. At least, not like science defines lizards, heh. Are they people? Well, depends. Is a dead man still a person?
Any theory that suggests humanity has even the slightest hope of challenging an alien invasion. Y'know, things like 'they can't survive our germs former residents of Shangri-La', or they're vulnerable to certain elements or colours. They're just floating around to stop the entire planet collapsing into a disastrous depression when it has to come to terms with its own powerlessness.
I, for one, welcome our new <insert trait of new world rulers here> overlords.
That's what Italy thought about Ethiopia back in the colonial era. But yeah, most of that shit? That's just to make people happy so they don't find out the real countermeasures. Wanna know how we're really gonna stop the aliens, whether we need to or not? Ask yourself why there's a spider on every US one dollar bill since ever. That little guy's the real reason they put that pyramid on there, so you wouldn't notice him.
How did Dinosaur die?
That actually was the K-T event. Yeah. Weird. Took me ages to believe it myself.
Hey, person-sensei, I noticed that your title and follow up message don't match, is that on purpose, or a joke?
I'm too real for jokes, kid.
/me pulls out a book and reads instead of paying attention
Y'know, fuck this desu shit.
/me falls asleep.
/me finishes smoke, flicks the butt at Thatguy. Follows up with some chalk for SM.
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/me rocks back and forth in his seat, whispers to himself, appears to have eye twitching problem.
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/me is actually paying attention and is very interested in the subject, also English is not his native language.
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/me slams his desk, demanding any relevance in the highway system and Michigan
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...Will Ms. Yakumo be returning?
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/me finally wakes up and looks around very confused
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/me starts beating his shirt with the book where the cigarette hit it in order to avoid any fire springing up
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/me slams his desk, demanding any relevance in the highway system and Michigan
No one part of a rune's more important than any other kid. You gotta think holistic with runes.
Alright, next one's a fun one. Who was Elvis, really? Go.
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Alien Invader? One of the people from Shangri-La, but not small? An actual God? Tell me if I'm close here, please.
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A musician, obviously!
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Alright, next one's a fun one. Who was Elvis, really? Go.
We-- we're allowed to say it? Like, aloud? And in public? :ohdear:
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You, Professor.
-
A music youkai?
*doodles on the desk*
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We-- we're allowed to say it? Like, aloud? And in public? :ohdear:
Let 'em fly, kid.
You, Professor.
Man, if I had that kind of money, I'd have better smokes. And a throne made of whores.
Some of you kids are getting warm, I'll tell you that much. Keep going.
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The first man to ever make others believe he existed when he really didn't.
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Elvis was clearly the infamous tamiflu prismriver
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The first man to ever make others believe he existed when he really didn't.
Getting close. But you're backwards.
Elvis was clearly the infamous tamiflu prismriver
Almost there!
He existed, but he wasn't a man. He was an avatar of Rock and Roll. Not the only one, but the most acceptable one to the masses. There were others; Jimi Hendrix and Elvis were two sides of the same die we call Rock. They weren't born, they were made. And when the stars were right, they were unmade.
They're still out there, somewhere in the cosmos. But without 'em, well...shit happened and look where we are now. There's a cabal of adepts out there, doin' their best to bring 'em back. And I wish 'em the best of luck.
/me lights up another smoke.
Right, let's get down to some real lecturing. I'm gonna teach you kids about the American Revolution. Now I know some of yall aren't from there, and you're thinking, "What the hell? I don't care about those tosses who use z's all the time!" But bear with me. There's a whole lot of the story they don't tell you.
First thing. The fathers of the revolution? They tell you they're Freemasons and shit. And that's right. Thing is, they didn't tell you what kind of Freemasons they were. They were part of the Counter-Roman Rite. Don't recognize it? Of course not. It died out ages ago, and they were secretive as hell to begin with. So what was the Counter-Roman Rite about? Well, you know how the Catholic Church claims that Peter, the "rock upon which the church shall be built" was the first Pope? Well, the Counter-Roman Rite was all about yanking that rock out. They weren't Protestant, mind you, although they sympathized with the idea a bit just for shitting on the Catholics. But the real cause of the war? The Anglicans were doing exactly what the Counter-Roman Rite wanted to do, and they were winning! If the Anglicans could get a good foothold in North America, there'd be no stopping 'em.
Now, this wasn't just a "My Christ will curbstomp your Christ" dickfight. There were some real stakes in this. Quick, which one of you can tell me what the real stakes were?
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The beef industry was at steak!
either that or the fate of world.
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Tobacco, for use as a long-term assassination and population control tool.
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The beef industry was at steak!
either that or the fate of world.
Tobacco, for use as a long-term assassination and population control tool.
Thinking too materially there, kids.
They were after power. Not just the political kind; they were looking to change and usurp the beliefs of the world. You know how, you can ride that shit like a motorbike, and then you can break out the real whizbang sorceries, know what I mean? That's why it started with Sam Adam's making propaganda; he knew all about manipulating belief.
Now, the Anglican church knew all about this shit. So they sent one of their best adepts, William Howe. Lotta people looking at fake history wonder why he didn't just cut off the rebels at Bunker Hill. That's because he knew what the war was really about; if he crushed the rebels too early, they'd just shift further away from the Anglican church out of resentment. Instead, he let the war go on, and let its horrors make people desperate for God, any God. The Anglicans took a hit, to be sure, but there's still here. And they've not forgotten that shit, either. You don't wanna know what they really did to George Washington. Let's just say he was linked to King George III in a lot of ways, and there's a reason why George III went insane.
Any questions so far?
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What role did the French play in all this, or is the 'official' story of spite to Britain roughly accurate there?
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What role did the French play in all this, or is the 'official' story of spite to Britain roughly accurate there?
That's a good question. A lot of the official story was true, the French were helping out to fuck Britian's shit up. But one of the things they don't tell you was that Lafayette and Cornwallis had an old blood grudge going way, way back to the Hundred Years War, when Cornwallis' ancestor cursed Lafayette's ancestor, Jean Du Roche and made him into a monster. Lafayette tried to assassinate Cornwallis after Cornwallis surrendered, but Cornwallis had an adept put the Rasputin Curse on him; as we know it today. as for Jean Du Roche, he's still out there, buried under Paris. Once in awhile, some crazy fuck will try to let him out.
Any more questions.
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/me solos his guitar with amazing metal power at a very high volume. Everyone cheers.
:dragonforce: :dragonforce:
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Are you the embodiment of "the really cool teacher" or something, cause you sir, fit the god damn bill.
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Ben Franklin.
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What was Shay's rebellion really about?
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Are you the embodiment of "the really cool teacher" or something, cause you sir, fit the god damn bill.
That'll get you a C. This is about the raw stuff, kid. Not buttkissing. Mind you, I didn't say stop.
Ben Franklin.
Oh man, you can do a whole course on that fuck. I'll give you a taste. You know when he "predicted" the death of that rival Almanac guy, then reported it as though it actually happened, then called the guy an impostor when he claimed he wasn't dead? That was just a disguise for the real ritual. Look at who actually died that day.
What was Shay's rebellion really about?
This one's pretty close on what actually happened. Shay was legit. Now Henry Gale...that little shit had plans. If he had had his way, the Kingdom of Massachusetts would have gone down, and lemme tell you, it wouldn't have people as its citizens. Maybe it's livestock, heh. He's one of the reasons the Founders decided to make the Constitution; so they could keep people like him from edging out their ideological stranglehold on the nation. Was it a good thing? Hard to say.
/me takes a long drag from cigarette, flicks ashes in the chalk tray.
-
What did actually happen to Billy Mays?
-
I object!
The Counter Roman Rite were Parisians disguised as Pakistani infidels that try to plague modern day churches with smoked sandwiches and promises of a better afterlife, together with the likes of MC Hammer and Will Smith back when he was Fresh Prince.
I mean, surely you professor see the connection of those plastic bag pants and golden shoes they tapped in.
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What did actually happen to Billy Mays?
That thing that walloped him on the head? That was the result of a ritual pulled off by the Sham-Wow guy to win once and for all. From what I hear, he didn't mean that kind of once and for all.
I object!
The Counter Roman Rite were Parisians disguised as Pakistani infidels that try to plague modern day churches with smoked sandwiches and promises of a better afterlife, together with the likes of MC Hammer and Will Smith back when he was Fresh Prince.
I mean, surely you professor see the connection of those plastic bag pants and golden shoes they tapped in.
That's the Counter Roman Right.
And you don't wanna know that those smoked sandwiches represent. Because if you thought eating the blood and flesh of Christ was fucked up...
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Oh man, you can do a whole course on that fuck. I'll give you a taste. You know when he "predicted" the death of that rival Almanac guy, then reported it as though it actually happened, then called the guy an impostor when he claimed he wasn't dead? That was just a disguise for the real ritual. Look at who actually died that day.
Which day? There are three dates involved in that. Or are you implying three kills in a grammar slip?
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I thought the Freemasons are the Templars bent on mind controlling the people and world domination.
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Which day? There are three dates involved in that. Or are you implying three kills in a grammar slip?
That's all one point in time. He predicted the death of Titan Leeds, a rival almanac writer, in Poor Richard's Almanac. When the day came, and Leeds was still alive, he reported that Leeds had died anyways. Leeds tried to say otherwise, so Franklin called Leeds an impostor.
But that's just a cover story. You gotta look at who really died that day to see what Franklin was up to.
I thought the Freemasons are the Templars bent on mind controlling the people and world domination.
Templars were just bankers trying to figure out how to get an international finance stranglehold going. Mind, that's not too different than what you were saying. But what you ought to be looking at is why Clement V used that charges that he did. Hint: The evidence was real, but wasn't the Templars doing it.
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Templars were just bankers trying to figure out how to get an international finance stranglehold going. Mind, that's not too different than what you were saying. But what you ought to be looking at is why Clement V used that charges that he did. Hint: The evidence was real, but wasn't the Templars doing it.
Wait, I'm lost.
I thought only the Lizard people could become templars, and only after Training as a Monk and Bishop...?
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Personally, I always thought it was that Leeds had died, it was part of Franklin's plan. Get a man to kill Leeds and impersonate him on that day, then claim he wasn't dead, be exposed as an imposter... With Leeds both dead and discredited, Franklin would be able to corner the market.
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Wait, I'm lost.
I thought only the Lizard people could become templars, and only after Training as a Monk and Bishop...?
Naw, that was never their style. Next you'll be telling me about fencers with bunny ears (There was only the one in the 18th century, before you start).
Personally, I always thought it was that Leeds had died, it was part of Franklin's plan. Get a man to kill Leeds and impersonate him on that day, then claim he wasn't dead, be exposed as an imposter... With Leeds both dead and discredited, Franklin would be able to corner the market.
Franklin only tangentially cared about the money. The real thing he was doing was getting instructions out to his cabal, which was flung all over. I don't doubt he liked the money, but it's not his main deal.
Right, next question: Henry Clay, and what he's up to today. Go.
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Naw, that was never their style. Next you'll be telling me about fencers with bunny ears (There was only the one in the 18th century, before you start).
What? No, that has to be wrong. It says here in this textbook ...Why would History class ask to bring in a textbook like this? See, it's right here on my schedual sheet ... actually, wait, no. Nevermind, this was assigned for English. I should be in english right now, but I ... must have stepped into the wrong class? (Weird, I thought it was here... and I remember seeing Ran Yakumo, the teacher ... or maybe that was just when I was playing?) Excuse me, I should go now.
/me excuses himself from his seat and leaves the room, looking both ways down the hallway before picking a random direction and wandering confused
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Don't tell me YOU'RE Henry Clay.
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Will you do a bit on the Whiskey Rebellion, or maybe Bacon's Rebellion?
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Henry Clay is playing by the river when a huge icky spider came down a tree and he asked it where be the rainbow that will lead him to a pot of gold well hidden by the Irish leperchaun known as Jock van Anglecock
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Henry Clay is up to something they don't want us to know about.
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Don't tell me YOU'RE Henry Clay.
You're a laugh a minute, kid.
Will you do a bit on the Whiskey Rebellion, or maybe Bacon's Rebellion?
I'll touch on those in a bit. But here's the quick lowdown. The Whiskey Rebellion wasn't over exporting liquor down the mississippi. It was about "Tom the Tinker's" campaign to addict the Shawnee to liquor he had laced with a bit of a charge. But thanks to that tax, he couldn't get enough to pull the whammy he wanted to on them.
As for the Bacon Rebellion, well, there's a reason why the Native Americans' shamans never had enough juice to stop the US, and a reason why the Confederates thought they could take the US.
Henry Clay is playing by the river when a huge icky spider came down a tree and he asked it where be the rainbow that will lead him to a pot of gold well hidden by the Irish leperchaun known as Jock van Anglecock
That's icy spider, actually. Still, pretty damn good. Now, what's the river? And if you're a real duke, what instrument is he playing?
Henry Clay is up to something they don't want us to know about.
Yep. Af got it. He's trying to force an alliance between the US and the Seelie. Who the hell knows what'll happen if he succeeds?