Maidens of the Kaleidoscope
~Beyond the Border~ => Daiyousei's Cold Storage => Topic started by: Usually Dead on November 02, 2009, 04:24:08 PM
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Ruro, this is your fault. I blame you fully.
Go read the thread where I read My Immortal (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php?topic=3499.0) if you want to understand what the hell I'm doing here.
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Prefarce:
AN: Hot knivez (get it, coz I like nives) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) ruro, bloodylegz666 for helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Remi ur da luv of my deprezzing life u rok 2! VAMPS ROX!
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Hi my name is Sakuya Izayoi and I have short silver hair that's colored like the moon (that's how I got my name) with braids beside my face tied with little bows and icy-blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Eirin Yagokoro (AN: if you don't know who she is then get da hell out of here!) I'm not related to Flandre Scarlet but I wish I was because she's a major fucking hottie! (AN: I'm not a pedo tho you perv so don't think it) I'm not a vampire so my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a time-bender, and I live in the Scarlet Devil Mansion in Gensokyo (I'm seventeen). I'm a maid (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly blue. I love The Gap and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a blue dress and a white apron with pleated frills on the cuffs and a v-neck that didn't show off my boobs too much. (I'm not a slut and I'm not a pedo). I was wearing no makeup because I was busy cleaning fairy puke off the floorboards in the SDM music room which I wasn't very happy about.
"Hey Sakuya!" shouted a voice. I looked up at them. It was... Patchouli Knowledge!
"What do you want, Patchey?" I asked
"You suck at schoolworks!" said Patchey irritatedly. "You need to do better maths and memorize old Japanese words ans stuff."
"No scohol work sucks," I said angryly. "You help me cleans the house and then I'll do schoolwork.:
Patchey looked all huffy upsettedly. She's a youkai and that mean's she's pretty hot, but she's being a big bitch here so I didn't want to do her right now.
"Fine then I won't be your teacher anymore!" Patchey spat out disgruntledly. She walked out all upset, but her butt kind of waggled sexily as she left and I watched her as she went.
I was gonna get back to work cleaning up the mess (the fairies had a party last night) when someone else came into the room! It was... Meiling Hong!
"Sakuya!: she shouted confrontationally. "Your a human so you suck and Flandre is our new ruler!"
This is Meiling Hong, or as we call her China. She's a super hot bitch, with big boobs and a tight little butt and everything. She's wearing a green-n-gold ninjia suit with slits up the legs that kinda makes it look like a dress, and a hat with a big gold star on the front. She has long red hair and little braids like mine, and I TOTALLY THOUGHT OF THAT STYLE FIRST SHE'S RIPPING ME OFF though I'm not gonna caller her a poser because she's a youkai and she's hot and youkai rocks!
I looked at her and kicked her in the face (gotta do that, she gets otta controle) then I ran out of the room. I went upstairs to the observatory (I did China once here) and saw someone standing on a big pile of furnitures. It was... FLANDRE SCARLET!! She's a little girl like ten years old and she wears a red frilly dress with a red vest and a pink hat. She has blonde hair that's tied into a braid on one side and she's super sexy hot. (Omg you rule I love you so much, I'm not a pedo though.)
"Sajkyua!" she said belatedly, swining her rod around like a guitar. "My sister sucks join me instead!"
"Oh god!" said surpisiungly sadly. "But I can't do that, I love you you're not and you rox! (I'm not a pedo, though) But I love your sister too I can't CHOSE BETWEEN YOU TWO!" I shouted angstily.
Flandre started crying tears of blood (she's a vampire you know, vampires r hot) and she fell down the furnitures and got stuck under them. I went under the couches with her and started making out with her sexily (I'm not a pedo, tho). And she moaned "Oh Sakuya Sakuya ooooh!" And I put my hand under her skirt and touched her you-know-what hottly and she had an organism.
Then I put her to bed and went to see my mistress.
I went into her study and saw her standing there my super hott love bishie REMILIA SCARLET! (Omg you rule so hard please marry me, I love you vamps). She's like eleven years old and she wear's a red and white dress and a white hat and she has short blue hair and blood red eyes (Like mine, I dyed my eyes red so I could look lik her, I love herso much I'm not a pedo though.)
Sakuya!" she chirped happily when i came in. "I'm glad you came. I gotta something bad to tell you."
"I know mistress!!!" said. "We're running out of food and it sux."
"So here take this," Remilia gave me a jar with a pink little cherry petal in it, and it glowed and lit up the room hottly like a lava lamp (We don't have thoughs in Gensokyo, tho.) "Go take this and find Reimu Hakurei and bring her back here."
I gasped all offendedly!" No I hate that bitch. She's soooo human I don't wanna see her."
Remi put her hand on mine sexily, and it turned me on. Her hand is pale white and mine is too though not as pale. "I know Sakuya but if you go and get her I'll give you a french right now."
And I was like, omg I get to french Remi!!! So I kissed her laid-backedly and it didn't stop there, we also had it there. I took off my dress and she took off her dress and we got undressed. She's all flat and got no boobs but thats okay she's a vampire sho she's sooo hot! And I did you-know-what with her and it's okay because I'm totally not a pedo. (rEALLY, I'm not! You suick purv)
"Oooh ooh Remi OOOOHO!" I organimed cutely. And she had one orgrnanimg to and we laid there together all hot and naked and sweaty
And then someone burst open the door and shouted at us all excitedly and angry. It was............ KOAKUMA!
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"
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(Moar to cum!!!1)
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Stop this madness at once.
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Well, it's finally happened. UD's gone insane.
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Oh god.
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Now read it for us. :V
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Sticky sticky
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Aw, crap. We broke him.
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Ruro, this is your fault. I blame you fully.
There is a part of you that's always wanted to write something like this. Don't deny it.
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He's doing this too damn well. He's gone native.
We have to nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
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uhn, ur story suckz ya goffic fagalol, and i are ttally not a prep so fk u!~
and i titally am not flamin u!
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You NEED to rewrite Sakurei after this. Seriously.
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UD, this is the best thing you have ever written. Really.
Now write more please~
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UD, this is the best thing you have ever written. Really.
Now write more please~
This has bad implications...
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This has bad implications...
I have... Unusual tastes~
In seriousness, I love UD's other, more legible work, so... Yeah~
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You NEED to rewrite Sakurei after this. Seriously.
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Chapter 1
AN: Is it gooD?! nives to ruro for helpin me with da chapta. Stop flamming you humanz you suck!
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So I left the SDM and wnet out into the snow. It was really cold and it made my white skin get all pale depressingly. I wore a pair of travling trousers and a coat and a cloak and a scarf, though they were all kind of boring brownd and I hate anything that's not blue or white!! But I had to walk through the snow for a long time and it was really cold, and then I fell down in the snow and I was gonna die because i was so cold. Then I felt two people pick me up and take me to their house! IT was two human gurls I thought though I was like dead so I didn't see them much.
When I woke up I was all naked under a table! That's pretty normal for me so I wuzn't surprised, but a girl was sitting there with me! She had blonde hair that came down from her scalp wavily and a black hat with a black dress and qhite frills and golden butons. She was... Marisa Kirisame! !
"Hey bich I like your boobz," she said, and my titties were hanging out over the table. I covered myself up offendedly suprrisedly ecause I'm nto a slut like that!
"Marisa you're a human you suck!" I shouted angrily at her
MArisa startd crying (but not tears of blod because she's a human LOOSER) and she ran out of the room. Then someone else came in, and it was Reimu Hakurei!! She was wearing a red-n-white blouse with detatched sleeves and a bandaid wrapped around her chest instead of a bra. She had middl-elength black hair and black eyes and tan skin. (OmF FUCKING G I hate that bitch so hard! She's a loser human and I want to killer.) And she kame up to me and was all in my face like, "Zomg you made Maris cry! She's my girlfriend (because she's bi or gay I think, but she's a human so who carez!) and and I was just doing her before you made her cry, I wasd under the table before I came into da room."
Then Marisa came back and we had diiner together. The lava lamp Remilia gave me (I love you remi MARRY ME SO HARD but I'm not pedo ok) was on the table glowing pink.
"So Remi said that this laval lamp is the key to the future," I said funnily. "and it'll make all the snow go away or something."
"You mistress is stupid, bitch." said Reimu paradoxically.
"I can find out here it comes frum!:" Marisa spazzed out entergetically. "Give me the lavos lamp and I'll find out where it's fun."
So Marisa took te lamp and we all stood by and watched interestedly. She waved her hands over it and shooted "TENCHI MUYO!" (Lol that show is funy he's got like a hundred girlfriends, never fucks any of them though) And then.........
The lavar lampo EXPLODED SUDDENLY!!
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Lolz u suckzorz u fagalol yukaj!
stopz writtin u prep, laevalampz dunn boom liek dat~
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The lavar lampo EXPLODED SUDDENLY!!
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umgzzzzzzzzzzzzzz the tension is too much. I am on the edge of my chair here sexily.
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Hahaha yes
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lavos lamp
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...But the future refused to change.
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yuyuvos.jpg
...But the future refused to change.
"Chrono! You can't do that! The future will be changed! You'll create a time paradox!"
"But changing the future was the whole point, wasn't it?"
"Oh yeah ..."
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Chapter 2
AN: nives again to ruro for da help with words n shit! YOU HUMANZ STOP FLAMING OK If u dn lik it thn you dn't hv to rd it! I'm not gonna post anudder chpter until I get at lst 5 good revioiws! REMI ROX!
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Omg so ur not even gonna BELEVE what happened next! So after Lavos exploded I was transported to another tiem and underverse! I flew all around the gap (not the place where I buy clofes, but that place is great I luv U gap!) and then it got all bright and pink and blue! And then there was this voice that sang out at me sexily and it made my u-no-what feel all hot!!
"SAKUYA, YOU ARE THE GODDESS OF THE UNIVERSE!" the voice said all erotically! "YOU ARE PRETTIER THAN RAYMOO AND MARIS AND REMImila RUBS HERSELF TO THE THOUGHT OF YOU EVERY NIGHT!!!11"
"What the fuck R u?! Cum let me see u!" I SHOOTED into the pink and bloe.
"YOUR NOT DED YET BITCH, SO GOTTA SEND YOU BACK TO GENKRACKCOW. MAKE SURE TO KILL MARI AND RAYMUND BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING POSER HUMAN! GOTT IT? PEACE OUT, BITCH!"
And then I woke up, and I was breathing all hard like I'd had a nightmare! I looked around..... and saw Marrionnete sitting at the table! She was looking at the laval lamp and finking to herself, "Oh man, Sakural is so pretty when she sleeps I just want to go over there and do her hard!!" (Lol year right not like I'd touch her human ass, stupid poser bitch!!!1
And I got up and shooted at her, "You thikning of raping me in my sleep, you fucking human!?"
She yelled back at me distortedly, "Fuk no you bitch I hate vamp-lovers also you kill peopel and i like people, some of them."
I brushed her off like, yeah whatever, and I went back to the bed to sleep restfully. I heard Marcus fall asleep too. She made sexy little noises like "Oh oooh Sakuya ur so hot I love your boobx so much!!" dreaming abuiot me in her sleep that perv human!!1 Its not my fualt I'm so pretty. (AN: Dun't you even flam me, Sakuya is humble ok!!!)
Then SUDDENLLY!! .................................... I heard somfink outsidE! I loked out the window and saw a someone in a clock coming up to da house!! I got up and went to dar door, and shooted interrupedtly out, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU RUNNING AROUND IN THE SNOW SO LATE, ASSHOLE?"
The person stoped and took out a sword threateningly. "I'm here for the labor lamp! Gimme it or I'll fucking cut you!!!"
LOL yeah right bitch! I said critizisingly. I threw a knife at her, and it knocked her down in one hit!! She fell down in the snow unbalincingly.
"Fuk you, bitch!" she shootecd meaingsly. "Curses! I'll come back again!" and she cut a hole in the air and disappeared!!
I stood there and said triumphantly, "That's righ, fuck of human coward." And then I went back into da house. Mary Jane was still sleping and mumbling about me in her sleep (that fucking purv bitch!!) Then I went and laid down and suddenly..................... fell asleep.
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I love how Sakuya hates humans being a human herself.
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I amz gonna red it tu zee if u are stil a bd writtist and now I amz reveiwign it~
Andt go away wit ur Sakuya-Sue! Mak sum gud karakterz~
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You're spelling too many words right. :V
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AAAAA MY BRAINS.
*Kerigis melts....
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Chapter 3
AN: FUK YOU HUMANZ stop flammin! Skuaya isn't a mry sue, okk!!! she's just prty n smrt and strng and ppl r gelos of her!!!1 nives to da youkai hu prepretenz! luv u ruro nives for the help n stuffs!
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I woke up da next mornik and I was really fucking hungry so I went into da catchen (lol geddit because she dyes l8r) and started cooking some cereal. I had a bowl of frosted Remis and then Reymand came in wearing nothing but a fucking nightgown!! (Omg I hate her so muhc, she was kind of hott though, and I'ts not pedo cause she's almost Skuaya's age okk!!)
"Hey fucking bitch don't eat in my kitchen." Reymal spat at me indigntantly.
"Fuk u human poser get some fuking cliothes on so I don't gotta see ur u-no-what, bitch," I retorted spasmodically.
"I wuz just fuckxing Marisa, cnutwhore. Du't tell ,e what I can n can't do with m GF," she responded systemantically. (Rackman's a pedo bi lesbyan I fink because Mariko is like 6 years old, fuking humanZ!"
Then Rackoo left the kitchen shoddily and we started getting ready to travel togethar. We all three wore plane brown trousers and coats, with cloaks and scarves. I had my hair done up all prettily but Rangoon and Mariposa looked like shit and their heair was everywhere like medusa (fukin human bitches!! I'm glad I kill them laterz. But that's not spoilerz ok?!?) We left the house and went out into da snow!
It was really fucking cold but at least it made my nipples stand up flirtingly (I have nice boobz!) and Reiman and Marido were all whispering behind me like fuking human backstaber bitches. "Oooh Sakuyan is sooo hot I wanna do her. Goo grabb her ass noo I'm too scared too!"
We went down the mountain and then.... somefink hit us! A huegh snowman came ot of nowhere and slammed into us!!! It yelled all like "I AM GUNKY HEAR ME ROAR" and it tried to kill us. I fought, shit I shuld let it kill Reirack and Marepole but I'm a good person so I save der livez!! (AN: See Sakuya s a gud prson she hlps her frinds! FUK YOU FLAMERS!)
I through 1 nife at the snowman and it fell appaprt! A little girl fell out of it!!! Sde wore a blue dress with white frills and and white pleats all over the sleves and skrit hem. She had blue hair and a blue bow, and she was acktually fukin cute! She had wingz on her back (Bad ASS youaki repretzntZ! \m/ ) She loked and me and said sexily, "Im so surry Skauyan! Pls don't hurt me know more!"
But I'm a fukin ruthless bitch so I threw a nife and killed her!!! ! But then Reiyshan grabbed my rist and said "No you can't hrut her, let her go Skaana."
I pulled away from her strongly and said, "Get fuck off me Reimoo, I'm not a fuking poser bitch like you, humanz!" And I throo the nife and killed the fairy.
Reimoo pulled harder unresistingly. "No don't kill her! She's a nice gurl deep down insie!"
I pulled away again and I pushed Raimen noodles off me shovingly, and I threw the nife and killed the fairy. But then I felt bead and said, "Ok Cirno (dats her name, init cute!??!) you can go!!" (AN: See she's generous too fuk of human flamorz!!!1
Cirno da fairy bowed her hads to my feet and said respektfully "Oh thankz soo much you hottie bitch Sakuya! I go get mty mistress so she can giv u sex if u want it! (Luv u !! <3 <3 <3 )
The fairy ran off!!..... and me and Reimoo and Marisan kept walking. (Stay tooned for mur suspenshiful upats!!!1)
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Chapter 4
AN: STOP FLAMING U FUKING HMN POSERS! Dis stry got's plnty of dpth and mening! See dis chpter is rlly involved n shit! Jes rrd it and c! nives to ruro gain wub you, chick! whn'r u gonna giv me bck mai yuyuko postr tho???
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We walked through da snow. Reimoo came up behind me and said "Hay Remilia sux lol."
OMFG! I slapped her so hard!!!!11 her head poped off! I started to cry hottly.
"fuk u bitch!" I shooted antagonistically and I wlked off by myself.
AN: (C!!!! Da 10shun btwen dem is 2 mch to bare! FUK OFFF HMNZ!!!!!11 )
Maor to cum l8r!!!!
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lolwut
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ok if ne1 asks y sirno keeps dieing and comming bakc, STFU U DONT NO WATS GONNA HAPPEN!11
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lollololollolz, yur karaktrs are oot uf karaktr lulz.
And dunn dare offund Riaymoot so sukilyz, if yer dunn sumthin den dunn it gud.
Und yu cannot killz a snowmannosuke with a nife lolololol, and vairies can revife so stfu u goffic fagula!
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(/?A?)/
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Everyone loves "Raymund".
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I am late, but damn, UD...
someone broked him.
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UD, go back to moralizing fanfics D:
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Remilia was having her tea, and Sakuya poured her a cup. She set the teapot down, and was about to return to the kitchen, when suddenly she fell to the floor, screaming with rage.
"Oh no, Sakuya!" Remilia exclaimed "Are you alright? What happened?"
Sakuya composed herself, and rose slowly, still catching her breath. "I- I'm fine, I just ... suddenly had the urge to break someone's fingers, gouge out his eyes, and feed him his own pancreas."
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Byakuya Izayoi who was Sakuya Izayoi's sister was one day a mansion when her sister sent her an email saying fanfic writers and Mary Sues were attacking her place and axed her for help so she went.
Byakuya Izayoi got her maid tray put down and went onto the roof and normal mansion mistresses close because she was wearing her maid outfit.
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I.... kinda want to read this aloud as a valley girl for the internets amusement.
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yuyuvos.jpg
...But the future refused to change.
more like '...but the ?g???8?`?Xn???]???Cf?????:??_ refused to change.'
I.... kinda want to read this aloud as a valley girl for the internets amusement.
...I wish I had that pic of Phil going 'DOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOIT' because it'd pretty much sum up my feelings about this situation. :B
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Valley girl? That's not very goffick, tr00, kvlt, or nekro.
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The good thing is that she doesn't need to try to sound like a dumb blonde Valley girl!
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There's no such thing as a "Valley Girl" voice. It's the voice every girl in Southern California has, but they deny it and instead pretend that the dialect only occurs in a certain part of Los Angeles.
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The good thing is that she doesn't need to try to sound like a dumb blonde Valley girl!
Is that good?
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gOOD sTORY'S! =^ _ ^=
r u gong mkae mor/
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Is that good?
No he lies I normally sound much cuter >:(
...though uh, it's not really hard for me to pull that voice off.
I know what I'm doing as soon as my cold meds kick in!
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touched her you-know-what hottly and she had an organism
SKAYAYU MADE FALENDR PERGNANT WTFffF UR STORY SUXX
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SKAYAYU MADE FALENDR PERGNANT WTFffF UR STORY SUXX
Is that how babby is formed?
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Is that how babby is formed?
No, that is how babby is malformed.
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Nobody puts babby in the corner.
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I didn't have time to read this at first, and then I forgot. But then it came up again, so I decided to give it a shot.
Someone deserves to die behind the chemical sheds.
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O MY SHINKEY, TIS STRORY IS SOOOOO GUD,
OMS, USLUULU DED, U GIV ME TE ULTIM8 ORGENASM
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my eyes are bleeding
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Professional literature. I suggest adding some Shakespeare quotes in, though.
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Chapter 5
AN: shut up humnz ok! I wunt update ubtil u giv me good rrevows. nives to ruro agen but giv bck my yuyuko pstr ok!!!?
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I walked through the snow, felling sad and angre dejectedly. I sang a sung to myelf, Sepptet for da Ded Princes whichs a fuking tite song u youaki no it!! REMI ROX UR SOX!!11 I wlked thru da snow, and it strted cumming down thicker n thckir!!11 Da snowstorm gut so hebby dat I cudn't see.
"Fuk dis fucking snow," I spouted angeredly. "I cnt see shits. Maybe Ill jus lye dwn in it and dye n thatll show Reibarf how much she suks!!!"
Then................... the snow suddenlly stopped all suddenlie! I loked arund confusedly!
"WTF is gong on?" I yelled. I loked around and saw a lady standnig their! She3 was tall and pretty sexily. She had lavender hair and a pruple-white hate. She woar a purple and white dress with a broch on her boob and a purple and white dress skrit all pleated and pretty! She wux hott and I wanted 2 do her abit just seeing here!:"
"R U Sakayan Izanyan?" posed the youaki women flirtily. Sirius she was hott! (AN: pruuvs shes nut a pedofile ok!?!?)
"Yah I m" I renspoded defensively. "Wut u want wit me?"
"I am Letty Whiterock," she said snowily (geddit cause hes winter spitit) and I cum 2 thank u for saving little Cirnos lyfe. I have come 2 grant yu won wishe or a scroo wid me, ur choice."
"I dun't wanna fuk u tho" I sed it wux a lye tho! She's hot I wanted 2 boikn her so bad!!!11
"O Kum nao," said Litty Whitrack. She came up 2 me and sturted frenching me productively! It was soooo hot I luved it. I mad moneing noises lik "Ooooh Letty ooooh don't stop oooh ooohh!!!11" N she took off my dress and I took of her dress and we were naked and started screwing. It wux cold in the witner snow but we had coats and cloks and scarvs on so it's ok!!!1
Ritty Bedrock put her thing into my thing and we did u-no-wut, and it was sooooo hotly sexily!!11 We wur making noises like "Ooooh oooh OOOOHHH!111: and I ejaculated prettily all over!! (AN: C she's nut a pedo!!!11)
When we wur all fuked out, Shmitty Blacksmock stud up and sayd, "Sauran you must go find da gate to the netherworld!!!11 All of Genshoko's spring is gong dere! And stup da theiv huz short and has a swrod, she;'s a fukin looser human n she4 sux! Kill her hard ok!?"
Den Shitty Handcock disappeard into da snow!!!1 I stod dere for a min.................. And I startd walking to da Forest of Magic!!
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The spelling and grammar get progressively worse as the story goes on.
I'll await the final chapter to this heartily. :D
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Determiner preposition adjective noun verb complementizer adjective preposition adverb.
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...I don't know what's better. 'Ritty Bedrock' or 'Shitty Handcock'.
I mean both are equally 'what'-tastic in terms of use, but I can't figure out which one is funnier.
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Is a grammatically correct and articulate version written before you subject it to atrocities in language form?
How long does it take to crappify what was written, before it becomes the brain poison?
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I can't even start to imagine what pain you have to go through while writing this stuff.
Is a grammatically correct and articulate version written before you subject it to atrocities in language form?
Is there really any human who could stand doing THAT to a grammatically correct text?
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I had too much fun reading Chapter 5 to my CPMC buddies.
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I had too much fun reading Chapter 5 to my CPMC buddies.
And I had quite the time of my life reading Chapter 3, myself. :x
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I'm waiting the moment where UD gets angry at Ruro for the Yuyuko poster.
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I want a Yuyuko poster ;_;
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I look forward to more productive frenching.
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So UD asked for some suggestions for something to include in the next chapter...
<UsuallyDead> Oh damn.
<UsuallyDead> Theorin that was a bit more harsh than I was looking for.
<Cutey_Moerin> Oh...
<Cutey_Moerin> Um... Maybe it's going a bit TOO far, I guess...
<UsuallyDead> You didn't offend me but yeah.
<UsuallyDead> I think people would murder me if, even in jest, I tried to associate Chen with raping dead babies.
...Eheh~
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Chapter 6.
AN: OK STUP FLAMMMING U FUKING HUMN POSERS!!!11 U dunt evn no wutz gun 2 hppn so SHT UP!!!!111 N Skuuuya ISNT A MARY SOO OK SHES JST BEATIFUL N PWRFL N IMPRTNT N TH FAT OFF THE WRLD DPENDS ON HUR ITS DIFRENT OK!!!111 nives to ruro for da hlp, spelin's battr dis tim arund, but GIV ME BCK MY YUUYUKO PSTR!!!11
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I walked thru the snow to da forest of magic. It wuz cold and my feet hurt but I push on for da good of mankind!! My feet were soooo impurtant that I wuz loking down and watching dem as I trumpeted thru da snow. I wux paying so muych attent to my footz that I slamed head-fist into a tree!!! (AN: C she maks mistaks! NOT A MRY SU OK!!!! FUK U!!!11)
"HaY! Sup bitch!" said a voice above me suddenly surprisedly!
I loked up, chockedly. "WTF! Whuz there!?"
Up in da tea above me sat a pretty little catgirl!!! She loked like she wux 12 yrs old and she was fukkin SCHMEXAY! (but i'm nut a pedo, tld u befour) She woar a red vest with golden butons and a gren skirt, and had a green baray hat in between two cat ears on top of her hed! She had shrot brown hair and two cat ears on her hed. Owt the back of hser skrit she had a pair of tails and two cat ears on her head!
"Wut the fucking who da he ll are you fucking?" I inquired inquisitively.
The catgurl drooped out off da tree and landed on the groand in frunt of me. "Hi, slut! I'm Chen Chenkoskivy! I luv u cause ur so sexay. Wanna kum back to my place so we cn fuk??!!!"
"Uuuuh I dunno" I said unsuredly. "I had so much sex latly I dun wanna get pragnent."
"Its ok Im Imhotep neeway so Ill jus go down on u." she primised luringly.
"O ok" I responded acceptingly. "Leed da way, then."
Chenkroskivy dashed off thru the forrest and I foluwed her. She had a boombox on hur shoulder (AN: dey dunt hv thus in Genchimmychonga but suspenshun of disbeleef ok!!!) and she blared metroid_chen at voluum seting 11!!! Most bombboxes hav only up ta volum 10 but Chenchristoferson's went to 11 bekuz youaki aree hradcore lik dat! (HORNZ REPREZENT! \m/ )
Chenshamwow had a tittle hut on da side of a hil. It wuz a shabbie lttle place but it kept out da cold and da humn posurs so it wuz good enuf for me!! Chenchavez and me wnt inside it and struted to screw crazily!!! We mad all knids of noises lik "OOOH OOOH CHEEEEEEEEEEEN! TUCH ME DERE OH YES YES YEEEEEES!!" (bt sh's a kat so its ok and im nut a pedofile.)
I hafd such a big orgrams dat I thut my hed wuld explodde violantly!!! But Chentenga ketp gong down on me ovr and ovar. Gud thng I cn hav multiple orgratms!!!111 (fuk u hmn posrs yuakoi r da bomxxor!!!11)
Then.............. . after a loooong tim scrooing sooooo pashinutely...... we fall aslp.
(AN: Hy nut evry chptr cn me suuuper exiting,. BUT STY TOOND FR DA NXT ON ITLL BROW UR BRANS OWT!)
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Tis is so awsum!111!11!1
Ill rite gud reviwz 4 u-
I can't do it. I CAN'T!
-
between two cat ears on top of her hed
and two cat ears on her hed
and two cat ears on her head!
Genchimmychonga
Chenchristoferson's
Chenshamwow
Oh, wow.
-
Imhotep
Chen is an Egyptian Deity?
awesome
-
Ok I take it back this is too nonsensically badly written to read aloud at this point.
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Chapter 7
AN: OK RURO SNOT FUNNY NMORE GIV BCK MY YUYUKO PSTR OR ILL FUKIN KUT U BICH!!!11 O nd stup flaming if ur flamming ur a hmn psr n u suk ok!!!11 fuk of!!!11
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I woke up in Chenyamashita's bed 2 da sound of screming!!! I got owt of bed n wnet outsyd and saw 2 humz dere! They wur......... Reload Hadmitskzy and Marlowe Kirinkiles! Dey wur piking on Chenlateefa!
"U SUK YOUAKI!!" Reimachien shooted abusivly at da kittygurl whul kiking her on da graond.
"YAH WE HAT U FOR BENG PRETYER DAN US!!" scremed Maruchan (geddit lik ramen nudles lol, kuz dats wat her hair loks lik) andergrungedly shpitting on Chenmaxmillionplanksteak grossly.
"NOOOOOOO!!!11" whaled Chenbrokaw hleplessly. "SAV ME SKYUAN DERE ABYUSING ME OBTYSUELY!!"
I pullt out a nife and got reddy to throaw it. "GIT DA FUK OFF OFF HUR U FUKIN HUMNZ!! ILL KIL U ALL!!!1"
But dey dint litzen 2 me, so I frew da nive. It keklled dem both in one shoot! Da nive cut off Reibastrabillyboo's hed and cut off Maralin's you-know-what and dey both fell down ded and they died!!!
"OH FUK U!" shooted Reimu defeetingly!!!1
"U SUK BICH!!!" SCREMEMD Marispellchecker ortlandishly! I just laffed at dem.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" I laffed triumphtantly, and I danced off into da woods vicrariously lik the hot bich I am!!!!! (AN: DN'T U HUMZ EVEN FLAM ME U NO DOSE BICHES GOT WUT DEY DESEREVED!!!!111)
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"YAH WE HAT U FOR BENG PRETYER DAN US!!" scremed Maruchan (geddit lik ramen nudles lol, kuz dats wat her hair loks lik)
Can't argue with that. I mean, Marisa's hair DOES look like noodles, in a sense.
I'm loving this story.
-
What the fuck, why did you just kill Reimu and Marispellchecker, what the fuck man.
-
I can't read any story without saying, "HOLY SHIT"
-
Oh god.
OH GOD.
Poor Ruro.
AlsoWhat the fuck, why did you just kill Reimu and Marispellchecker, what the fuck man.
-
Chenmaxmillionplanksteak
WHOA
-
Reading this makes me feel masochistic. It hurts, but it's too funy to stop.
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Loolz, yur stury gats worz evrytiem u writ it. lol ur gay.
und stup sayin i are flammin u, i unly tall the truth! I amz sur u ar gonna bash mi 4 it >:(
-
Ok I take it back this is too nonsensically badly written to read aloud at this point.
no it isn't
It's even better to read aloud now. :V
also holy shit, Chen is Imhotep!?
amazing
ALSO also
What the fuck, why did you just kill Reimu and Marispellchecker, what the fuck man.
-
Oh man, I just read this out loud, and I am dieing with laughter
also,
What the fuck, why did you just kill Reimu and Marispellchecker, what the fuck man.
/bandwagon
-
man. i can't read this without reading it out loud. I would record it but i can't come up with enough funny little tidbits to make it worthwhile.
and yeah, its so bad, that its awesome
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AN: OK RURO SNOT FUNNY NMORE GIV BCK MY YUYUKO PSTR OR ILL FUKIN KUT U BICH!!!
FUKING POSER HUMAN FUCER ULL HAVE 2 TAK THE YUYUKO PASTOR FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDZ!!11
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ORUR U R SO HRASDCOR!!!
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Oh boy! Maybe they'll kill each other! This argument is clearly a sign of great things!
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Chapter 8
AN: OK RURO U FUKIN BICH GIMME BCK MY YUYUKO PSTR RITE NAO OR EYE'LL (geddit kuz Cirno is in dis storie) KUM N FUKIN CUT U BITCH! O n sht up hmn psrs u suk lol.
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I sauntered happily into da Forest of Magic. I left de kold boodies of Reimush and American behind cooling in da snow lik dgo shits (lol geddit kuz humnz suk!!!) I tromped pushingly in2 da woods further and farthrz................. and sdunnly a migacle fairy apeered be4 me!!!1 She wux shrot lik a farie, but rly kyuT!!! She hd lgon blond hiar and bloo eyes, n she wroe a blu-n-red dress with whit frils and a flufy undercut v-neck!! Sirsly if she wur 8 timez biggar I migt scroo hur silly!!!11
"Hi dere hot bitch skuya!!!!!" she spurted entrancingly! "U kiled da humanz and rid da wrold of dere menice! Ive kum 2 giv u your rewad!!!"
I was shocked startdly! I stud dere and starrred at hur (N I wuzn't finking nything sick lik if I wunted to screw hur, you pervo!!!).
"WTF du U meen?" I reacted sharktank-ingly. "Hu R U?"
"Wa ta she know na may wa Shanghai day sue." she spouted kripticully. I wux lik, OMG!!!!11 She speex Japenknees! (Or da "old langwuage" as dey callt it in Genshootme.
I hav kum to tkae U 2 mai mistress!" Shanghi explained instrukively. "She wintz to treeward u for killing da humanz."
"omg" I retracted forsoothingly. "so mnuy ppl wunt to C me. Dos she want to fuk me 2?"
"Uuuuuuh prolly."
"O ok. Lead da way dn."
Shanghigh floo off thro day forrest nd I fulowed hur. We we went trees throo snow past the treens n snow! We kame to a hose in da woods, a big n pritty place loked lik it blonged in a fancie vilyage somewhur. Shranghug floo up in frunt of me.
"Wayt heer!!!" she chirpped happily. "Ill go git da minstress."
Shagrug floo in2 da hose. A minuet l8r a suuuper fukin hott gurl kame owt!!!!1 She wuz a ittle shorter then me n she had shrot blond hira and shi wroe a blue druss wit white n yellow frils wit pleets on hr skirt hem n puffy prtty little sleeves!! 2 bad I had sexed so much rcntly or id be jumpin hur bones lik a hrony dog!!!111 (AN: maor devidenc shez not a pedo!!!11
"Welkum Syuka Is A Yoy!" she greeted me friendily. "My name iz Alice Margatroid. Bekuz you kiled the stoopid fukin humanz, you git a prize!!! U get to kum wit me on a d8!!!111 Weur gonna go C da super hott band Prismriver Sisters prefrom!!!!111"
My mouth fall open all sexily surprisedly! "I git to go 2 da concort wit u!?!?" I shooted happily. "Yah ur rly hott so letz do it!!"
Alis and me got arm-in-arm and we walkt of 2 da koncert! (Datll huv to kum in da nxt chptr, but Al Rits did stuck hur hand in my drss and squiized mai boob whil we wlked!!!111 Geese she's bi or somefink.)
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...heh, Al Rits. Also, 'Genshootme'? Are you putting in subliminal messages? >_>
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It's like the writer goes insane just after writing "Chapter *insert number here*" at the beginning of each chapter.
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also teh numabr of ppl gneuinly surparierst at ta omgfkillign of Rmeiu adn Mrsaia si aslo euqla 2 teh base mminum nmuber f pplz who dnidt erad teh orgignal
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You lost me. (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/treeward)
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I tried reading this out loud, and I sounded like Jim from Huck Finn.
-
I tried reading this out loud, and I sounded like Jim from Huck Finn.
Don't even get me started on Huck Finn.
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Genshootme
Secret messages?
-
Secret messages?
There are a lot of things that UD/Ruro write that couldn't be just coincidence; it's what makes this story enjoyable in a so bad it's good sense.
-
cmn guyz wii nid moar flamming here, Join ma muvemant.
And u ar rasict aganst ughmans u sisfist!
-
'Shitty Handcock'.
OH MY LORD I laughed like a hyena.
Shagrug
well, I never.
-
How many of you have actually read the original?
Also I think I will have much more fun reading this aloud now.
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Chapter (9)
Ok so I made up wit ruro shez mai bishie agen!!! no she dint give bck my yuyuko pstr but seh did giv me somfing else (no nut lik dat u pervs............ well ok it WUZ dat but u still r pruvs!!!!) Also all u flammmrs shut up fuking posrs u mde me cry nto my Forsted Remis dis mrning u jersk!!!! ;_;
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Me and Alcapone walked out of da forrest of MAgic 2gethar. (We mighta french'd a bit on da way owt but dat's nunna ur buisness!!!!1) As we wnet into da planelands agen, we saw a concret on the grass (lol not like drugz u fukin humn stonners, dey dont hv pot in Genchachingblingbling)!!!!111 And OMG it wux 1 of my fvaorite bands!!! Da PrismimRiver Sisters!!!
Da sistaz wur wearin band unifroms colord pink n red n black wit little frills and accessoriz like stars n moons n shit! One had a trumpet, one had a kyebroad and 1 had uh violyn. (AN: Wich 1 of dem playz da drums>? I nevar playd da gamez so um not sur.) They wur sniging a sexy hott song, Phantom Liberation from that 1 dojin ablum Fromer Fornitear. (AN: Lol iznt dat just soooooooooo meta??!?) Dey sang da lyricz like:
EVEN IF IT SUUCH A LOONG TIME!!
OMOEE NO JEEKAN NO BOKOO WAY TAY!!
OH NO RA A TOW JIKO RO TO EH TAY!
A LOW NO MEE TOE OLA MI NEE!!
OOH SHE NEE JEE NO KA RAAA!!11
"ZOMIG!!!11" I startuled explcitivabely. "Dere sinking in Japanez! Soooo HOT!!"
Alcie Mungyrod agreed wit me, so we got in frunt of da stage n stated to mosh. We dancd and hit eachudder in tim wit da musik. An old woman kame up 2 me. She wore a whit frilly robe and had white stringy hair. She luked rlly old and raggy but she moshed hard lik a cool old lady!!!!1 She wuz kinda cool lik dat.
"Hay r u Suzuran YesICan?" she asked inkwizitively.
"Uh yah wazzup?" I replied respondinhly widdout stoping moshing.
"Im all old n ugly kuz dat little swrod gurl took all my spring" said Lily White. (She dint even need 2 tell me hur nam!!! My ppl skilz ur just dat good!!!!1)
"Uh so wadda want me 2 do?" I questiond repondivly.
"U must go to da Prismrider's backstage and kil da bich back dere whuz stealin all mah sprinz!" said Lubby Whit. "U must go UD, b4 de wolrd freezs to deth!!!!111"
"OH NO U DONT!!!111" shotted a nu voice. Anudder girl kam up 2 me. It wiz................ YOUMU KONPAKU!!! :o
"UD GET UR ASS OUT OF DA MOSH U FUKR!!!1" she SHOOTED loudly at da tups of her lugs.
"NO FUK U IM TRYIN TO DANC!!!11" I shooted back and ignored hur. I threw a nife at hur, and it nockd her down!!!11 She ran away, up passt the Pragmatic Sisters and into da back stage. I fullowd hr. "NO U DUNT GET AWAY kum back her so I CAN KILL YOU OR FUK U OR SOMMFINK (I forgt which lol)"
I climbd up on da stage, went bck pst the curtanz and.......... I FELL INTO ANUDDER DIMENSION!!!111 D:
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'Suzuran YesICan'? Really? This is the best mangling of Sakuya's name you can do?
son, I am disappoint
though I will admit that 'Alcapone' made me laugh a bit. :V
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Chapter 10
AN: OK U HMN POSRS DIS IS WHR IT GETZ SIRIUS SO STP FLAMMING OR ILL FUKIN CUT U. nives to ruro for hlpn agn.
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I followed Youkan Kraptastic into the other dimenshun!!11 She stupped halfway in, truned and facedm e. She wuz wearing a gren dress with littl whit ghost swirls all over it, and hd 2 sworz on hur bck .She had silvr hair and a blck bow, she luoked kind of gothy but rlly hott!! I suprssed my aminal magnetizm for da moment tho.
"U KANT STPO ME!!!1" SHE she shooted konfrontationally. "DIE bICH!!1!""
She slashd hur sword and me!! I dodged it and stabbed hur in da back ( C she alwayz feyets fair!!!11)
"O fuk u killd me," she said, n she deyed. "BTW my mistrest is back dere, she wuntz to see U."
"Fuk yeah she does!!!1" I said, and I left Youman behibnd whie I went up to see her misstrets!!!11
-
Youmu seems awfully nonchalant for a person who just got stabbed..
-
UD, I will give you $5 next time I see you if Shikieiki becomes Shake 'n Bake
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Lalz, lern tu spel u fagula!
I men liek lol, u suk.
Gou tu Haykugoyukra u sun uf a biacth~
Cuz u cunt writ enthyng!
-
stabbed hur in da back ( C she alwayz feyets fair!!!11)
That sentence is genius.
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Chapter 11, 12, 13 and 14
AN: Ok u fukin humn posrs, DIS IS WERE THINGS GET SIRURIS! Just REED IT AND BE MUVED WID HOW DEEP N PWRFL THE MASSAGE OF DIS CHPTR IS!! nives to Ruro agen u rok gurl!!!11
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I kame up to a laddy, n she was really beautiful!! She wux tall n sexy, she had big boobz and a tite ourglass figure!! She wor a blue n pink robe with gosts and clods all over it, n she had a hat with a little ghosty swirl on da front. (U no thos kinds of gurls whu'r soooooooooo hot dat...... you dont even wanna fukem??? Dats whut she luked like!!!!) :D~~~~
"Hello," sid day womanz, n she spoke in a strng voice. "My name is Yuyuko Saigyouji. You may call me Jesus Christ."
"OMG," I sed conffusedly. "Whut r u sying, I don't undrtsand u."
"That is quite all right, my child." seh sd. "You are forgiven of all your worldly sins and you are forever embraced in the eternal love of my Father, the Lord our God."
"Huh I dont undderstand." I posted confusesly.
"Your worldly mission is not yet accomplished," sed Jesus. "You have slain your enemies in righteous glory, and blazed a path of infinite holiness with your deeds above all reproach and remorse. There is one thing left to be done, in order to solidify your place as Goddess of Gensokyo."
"Uh wuddu u meen?" I inquired questioningly.
"The real culprit behind the long winter in Gensokyo," said Jesus. "She sits atop her throne in her home, carved out of the mountainside overlooking Gensokyo. Her name is Yukari Yakumo, and there is only one way to stop her. You must go to her and seduce her. Make her into your lover, so that she is so concerned with pleasing you in lust that she forgets to destroy Gensokyo."
"Hmm ok," I responded aquiecently. "Jus point me at hur and Ill fuk hr centsless!!!1" >:D
"WAIT SKATORAN!!!" SHOOTED too knew voices. IT was..... REIPOO AND MERIWEATHER!!!111 they kame up and clawed at mai cloths, baggign me to stei loongignly.
"Fuk off humn posrs." I sed. "Ok yujechriouji. Sned me bck to da rl world!!"
Jesus Christ lifted her armz and chnatted rithmaclly, "By the power of my Father and of his Holy Spirit, I send you forth to the mortal lands. Be at peace, my beloved!"
Da hole wurld arund me fadded to black!! I loked arund mislf n....... I was up in da mountains!!!111
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...wow. Yuyuko's sanity mixed in with the... cosmic stupidity of everything else is really... staggering.
-
Uu~ I said u hav sayuka-seu's!
dat is da poorve u r a bat writtist!
STOP UD!
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Chapter 11, 12, 13 and 14
He's going on a rampage, get the tranquilizer gun!
Also, how does Yuyuko dare take Hijiri's position. There's only one Jesus in Gensokyo!
-
Chapter 15, 16 and THE END
AN: well i haff nottink left 2 say but stop flamming u human posrs! Oh i herd a Toho anime is comming out I kant wait to c it! I hope dey have skyuua as a nonhumx posr in it dat wold rok!!! my frind told me seh's relly youaki in da gamez!!! Dis will proll be da lst chptr until i kum bck.
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I was on a mountainsdie!! I loked out over Genchoko owt belo me, and a voic spoke 2 my attenshun.
"Lol whtr u doing hr<" she axed. I loked and saw a biiiiiiiig woman with fox ears!! She wore a 2-pointed cap and a robe wit yang-yn symbolz on da friont. She had short orange hair and nine tails (u no, like da pokemon).
I loked at da wmn. "Hay go git ur mistress for me so I cn scroo hur ok?" I sed commandingly obtusely obfuscatingly sexily hottily prettily flurttingly hostilly strangly stringingly stingingly madly truly deeply.
"O ok." Ran Yakimoes jumpped off da roof, and in hur plac came Yuckaree Yacomo!
"UD U SUN OF A BICH!!!" she SHOOTED AT THE tup of her LUNGZ!!! "KUM HERE SO i KN KILL U!!!"
Den Yosseff Youlingworst pusshed me off da roof!! I screaemd lustily "NOOOOOOO!!!111" As I fell don. Den.........................................................
...............................................................
................................................................
.............. I HERD A VOICE!!
"IM KUMMING, SAKUYA!!!"
-
Oh so now it turns anti-Semetic.
I c wut u did thar
-
Loolz, az I can zee thes is finnali tha ending, and i amz sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gald u deid cuz nou it iz ovar yay.
nou go hang urself u humn pozer!
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OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MA-
seh did giv me somfing else (no nut lik dat u pervs............ well ok it WUZ dat but u still r pruvs!!!!)
WHAT
-
WHAT
Well, he likes Yuyuko, and I like Shikieiki... and it just went on from there... you know how these things are...
-
When does she jump into the portal sexily?
-
Well, he likes Yuyuko, and I like Shikieiki... and it just went on from there... you know how these things are...
B-But...
;_______;
-
Someone give me a summary.
-
madly truly deeply
How come I noticed this first?
-
Someone give me a summary.
Sakuya goes to ask Marisa about a lava lamp, and the rest is basically PCB, from my understanding.
-
Thereisnoplot
-
Someone give me a summary.
This is the summary.
Of Remixed Cherry Blossom, that is.
-
Story lacks Touhous in black CROW'SCLAW T-shirts.
-
I have to read the entire thing from start to finish out loud.
To someone. I HAVE TO.
-
I have to read the entire thing from start to finish out loud.
To someone. I HAVE TO.
I also have to read it as well. chapter 3 was not enough dammit.. But not now. As it's like almost a quarter to 7 AM and I'm planning to go to bed soon.