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--- Quote from: Phoenix_lostarr on November 14, 2013, 06:18:45 PM ---1. Yukari
7. Toyosatomimi no miko
Hit me, assbutt.
--- End quote ---
Future: That's IT. That DOES IT. SCREW this stupid bank job. You are SICK and TIRED of COOKING THE BOOKS for some CUT-RATE CROOKS! 15 years at this place has more than frayed your nerves. Time to go. Time to do something - anything - else, especially if it means not taking any crap from some fatcat bankers. The entire system inside and out is filled to the brim with jerks trying to make a buck off anyone or anything. Forget it. Time to move on. Or is it? Well, yes and no. You're certainly done with being employed there. But you haven't even applied for work elsewhere. Strangely, it never even crossed your mind. What are you going to do with yourself now that you're free of that dump?
Why, go right back to it, of course. This time, with a bit more 'productive' intent. See, you know the place inside and out. You know every last aspect and detail of the entire building. It's layout. When it opens and closes. The codes used for the doors and how they change. You even know that someone hid the last of the chai latte packets in the second break room. Go back to the bank and work? Sure! But you're going to tear it apart in the process! After a little bit of research in your apartment, it's time to start sending out invites to your new bunch of goons who are going to help you rob the bank blind! However, everything is set on the condition that YOU and ONLY YOU be the one to physically open the vault.
With you at the helm of this little heist, everything goes smoothly. Putting up a front of an overnight systems update means no one's even thinking of work when you break in. Your disguises as maintenance personnel mean that you can go anywhere in the building, too. The place is abandoned and you have access to everything! With your crack team busy messing with security and passcodes, you make your way to the vault only to discover that it has far more layers of protection than you remember. Fingerprints, retinal scanners, voice matching, multiple codes and more. It'd take a master hacker a week to override all of these things. But you sorta wanted this to happen anyway. Finally, the opportunity arises for you to do what you wanted to do in the first place. This is YOUR revenge. You're gonna have things YOUR way for once here. If anyone is going to inflict any sort of damage on this place, it's going to be you. Out comes your secret stash of explosives, out comes the detonator switch, aaaaand...
Death: *BOOM*. Seems you inadvertantly used 100,000 pounds of explosives instead of 100. Well, no bank, no problem, right? You will be 42.
Last Words: "I'm only supposed to blow the bloody doors off?!"
OK. I'm aiming to finish things up around New Year's (there's like 3 left). Thanks for giving me something to do in this dull job of mine, guys.
--- Quote from: xJeePx on November 21, 2013, 12:10:58 AM ---01. Kotohime
--- End quote ---
Future: Who's the meanest motha fuckin' cop in town? Not you. Not by a longshot. Hell, considering your waistline, you're the softest cop in town. The only thing intimidating about you is the amount of mousse you invest in your mullet haircut. Even your aviators don't look tough considering that you're inside all day. In the mall. One that just happens to be in the ritziest section of town. Crime is practically non-existant here, too, considering how its stuffiness makes it so well-insulated from outside influence. You'd be no match for someone who actually posed a threat to the peace kept there, but you're a PRO at intimidating 11-year-olds who might just be harboring some intent to shoplift. It's a good thing, too, because the mall's some 8 stories tall and you've got a lot of ground to cover in your self-driving Segway for lazy people.
Then, one day, it happens. The fire alarm sounds, but that could signal far more trouble than a simple fire. Shoppers panic and chaos erupts. The rules of chivalry are completely thrown out the window as the men scramble for the exits, crashing through ladies in heels. High-end smart phones and designer jewelry go flying and more than one custom-tailored dress shirt is wrinkled and several bouffant hairdos are ruined. People slowly begin to pour out into the streets and parking lots. You and the police, the fire department, medical personnel, SWAT, and a bomb squad are all dispatched to check the entire building. However, no harm of any kind has taken place anywhere. To the surprise of many, there is no damage to the mall at all outside of displays being knocked down. There aren't any major injuries outside of some bruises and some tweaked ankles thanks to all those high heels, too. No fire damage, no collapsed walls or ceilings, no armed robbers, no looting, no water main breaks or electrical failures. Nothing! Everyone is safe and everything is where it should be. Once the all-clear is sounded, employees return to work and shoppers filter back in. But amongst all the return to normalcy that the returning peace grants, something is out of place. No, something is missing. You return to the food court to notice that your lobster dinner covered in hot fudge, marshmallows, and raisinets is gone. It was the only thing that was stolen. You rear back to face the heavens and let out a most mournful howl of despair.
Death: You attempt to run down an escalator that is going up in an attempt to catch a thief who is making off with an Eddie Bauer sweater vest, cigars, and chardonnay. You trip and fall down the escalator for 7 hours. You are 49.
Last Words: "Bury me with Rusty." Rusty is your police dog brought on to help you sniff out batches of weed left in the trashcans. Rusty does NOT appreciate your last request.
Number: Precinct 129
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