MarisaStory: A Certain Magical Internet

[Third Eye Lem]

> We shall be the Magus Knight!
> I think that would be the class that can weild fireswords.

<capth> In skyrim, it would probably be closest akin to launching fire from your left hand, whacking things with a sword in your right, with absolutely no defense besides offense and backing away.

> You consider your options carefully, and bounce your ideas off Alice and Medicine. Alice suggests that going as a Magician with some points in Magic Weapon Mastery would be best for you,

Parser's Observation: So far, you have an avatar based off of Medicine (with no name yet), and plan on making her a Magician with some skill in magic weapons. Preferrably fire swords and variations there of. Is this an acceptable role for you guys?

[E-Nazrin]

I can live with that.

>Finalize and breeze through the inevitable tutorial. Assuming we ever do that.

[capt. h]

Sure.

> Die in tutorial level.

(Thinking is, if you are going to die, you should do it in the tutorial level where you don't have anything to lose anyway. Find out what the consequences of death are there, instead of finding out you'll lose your super armor 50 hours in.)

[E-Nazrin]

(And because fucking with game bugs is fun.)

[Third Eye Lem]

>Finalize and breeze through the inevitable tutorial. Assuming we ever do that.

> You didn't pick out a name yet!! Thankfully, you come up with one completely not influenced by the parser one bit and call her Suzu-tan. Medicine finds the reference cute and clever.

> With your avatar in place, you're treated to another brief cutscene: apparently, your character is on a cruise with their parents, whom bare a slight resemblance to Suzutan. Suddenly, a storm hits your ship, and you are tossed overboard into the sea...Suzutan awakens on the shore of what appears to be a deserted island.

> "Guildies!" Quest Received: Lern2Sirvive -- A whale of a storm has washed you upon this mysterious island! You should find a weapon, and some shelter, if you're to make it out of here alive.

> You take a moment to get used to the controls and menus, tweak the settings to your liking, and start playing. The perspective of this game is that of a standard platformer, but the graphics are rendered in only the finest polygons. The music isn't quite as good, but it helps set the mood a bit. You head right towards the inland jungle, but are blocked by dense foliage. Crap. You head left instead, and see an old shipwreck behind you. Exploring the shipwreck leads you to find a Rusty Cutlass. With this, you...

> Die in tutorial level.

> ...Act like a ⑨ and jump off the stern of the ship, into the water. Suzutan flails about, apparently unable to swim, before an octopus enemy comes up and whips her to death with its tentacles. AVATAR DEATHS: 1
> Guildies! Achievement: "Phish Phood" -- Die while swimming. (++Swimming Speed)

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That [Octopus] says you were delicious!
(Respawn in Current Map) -- 0 coins
(Respawn back in town) -- Unavailable
> What. Why would you even DO that?!...Die like that, I mean!

> _

[E-Nazrin]

>Testing! Maybe they didn't expect you to die in the tutorial. Then I'd get to see some weird stuff. And it let me know that dying mostly costs coins. Well, so far. Let's see if I kept the cutlass.
>Respawn and play smrtar this time. Head over to hack into that jungle.
>Achievements give benefits, huh? Maybe we should ask Alice whether there's any we should try to get before the main game.
>Is this 2D or 3D platforming, for the record?

[capt. h]

> Wait, so if we jump into the ocean this time, we'll swim?

> And we get achievements for creative suicides?

> Quick, jump into a sword!

> ...Pocket Medi(c) is glaring at us, isn't she.

[Third Eye Lem]

>Testing! Maybe they didn't expect you to die in the tutorial. Then I'd get to see some weird stuff. And it let me know that dying mostly costs coins. Well, so far. Let's see if I kept the cutlass.

> I guess. Still looks stupid, though.
> You kept your cutlass, thankfully. You highly doubt that the game would leave you in such a roadblock. Only silly programmers would allow such things to happen!

>Is this 2D or 3D platforming, for the record?

> Good old 2D platforming, ladies and gents! _{gotta stay true to the source material}

> Wait, so if we jump into the ocean this time, we'll swim?

> You kinda doubt it. You couldn't move very well in the water beforehand; left and right movement was slow, jumping up and swimming down was impossible. Perhaps you can learn to swim later?

> Quick, jump into a sword!
> ...Pocket Medi(c) is glaring at us, isn't she.

> Sadly, the only sword you could find is no longer there, as you just picked it up. :V There is also a distinct lack of sharp objects on the beach. Mini-Medi is glaring at you with the utmost contempt her beady eyes can muster.

>Respawn and play smrtar this time. Head over to hack into that jungle.

> You respawn in a rather amusing fashion: the game rewinds itself like a cassette tape, and you reappear on the deck as if nothing happened. At any rate, you head right, and slice through the foliage to access the next map...Which has wild boars in it. A brief explanation of combat is presented, which amounts to little more than "swing sword, hurt enemy, block or jump to avoid damage." A path leads to the right through the jungle.

>Achievements give benefits, huh? Maybe we should ask Alice whether there's any we should try to get before the main game.

> You consult with Alice on the matter...

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risingstar82 said: So like...
risingstar82 said: Are there any special hidden achievements I should be aware of, ze?
MasterOfPuppets7 said: Not really. Besides, it's not like you can permanently miss any of them.
MasterOfPuppets7 said: You do realize the game has an achievement list, right?
risingstar82 said: ...Apparently not, ze. It was sitting there in the corner. =P
* MasterOfPuppets7 smugface.
> You click on the list. It has...A rather massive set of achievements, but only the ones relevant to your place in the game are currently displayed:

Run Over -- Get killed by a charging attack. (++Defense and ++Dashing Attack Damage)
Boar Hunter -- Kill 100 Boar-type enemies. (++Drop Rate and ++Gem EXP when killing any boar)
Boar Slayer -- Kill 1000 Boar-type enemies. (++Drop Rate and ++Gem EXP when killing any boar)
Head Trauma -- Bump your head against the ceiling 10000 times. (++Upward Attack Damage)
Item Hoarder -- Have 2000 total items in your inventory at any time. (Free Inventory Expansion Coupon)
Death From Above -- Kill 500 enemies with Downward Attacks. (++Downward Attack Damage)
Weed Whacker -- Cut down 1000 plants. (++Drop Rate when harvesting plants)
Millionaire -- Have 1000000 gold coins on you at any given time. (++Coin Drop Rate)

> Of course, you could scroll down and/or toggle the options to display more achievement goals, but...The thought of being weighed down with all these tasks kinda overwhelms you. This feels more like a shopping list than anything.

> _

[E-Nazrin]

>Probably not many we can do right now anyway, let alone ones worth rushing to at the moment. Nothing we can permanently miss, thankfully, so let's keep at it. We'll get what we get for now. Leave the specific hunting for later - we need to catch Alice!
>Rewinding, huh? Can Sakuya do that?
>Try and off two or three boars to get a feel for it and peek at some of the other basic mechanics, then move on.

[Third Eye Lem]

>Rewinding, huh? Can Sakuya do that?

> To your knowledge, no. That sounds more like something Kaguya or Keine would do, you'd think...But eh, you'll address that problem later.

>Try and off two or three boars to get a feel for it and peek at some of the other basic mechanics, then move on.

> You decide to go boar hunting! The experience is fruitful, though it takes you some time to get comfortable with movement in combat. You'll have to look up that "Castle Veiny" game sometime and see how similar that game is to this. At any rate, you learn it's better to not let the boars charge (or jump the hell over them if they do), and that they die fairly easily otherwise. You also start getting random drops from them, usually body parts such as Boar Tusks and Boar Pelts. You're not sure how you're able to recover these items intact, but whatever, it's a game, ze!

> After reducing the Wild Boar population a bit, you progress onwards...You also notice that your health slowly refills over time when you're not being accosted by enemies. Gotta love that health regen in RPGs. Anyways, you progress, and come to a part where there's very few enemies, but lots of vines, platforms, and spiky thorns covering parts of the jungle path. Looks like this is the "learn to jump, climb and not get killed on sharp things" part of the tutorial.

> _

_{don't forget to set your clocks back by 1 hour, guys}

[E-Nazrin]

>Hopefully that noncombat HP regen scales with max health.
>Any indication how far along we are to a level or whatever from that murder spree? Skim the stats and advancement in the menu if it's readily accessible.
>Are there any funny descriptions or details about the items we picked up? What's the inventory system like - are items stacking, is there a set number of slots, do the use up finite space by size like Diablo, etc? What's our sylladex
>Poke some thorns to see how much they hurt, then start attempting the climb. Same types of enemies here, right?

[capt. h]

> "So, uh, should we try to get killed by a boar charge in the tutorial? You know, for the achievement?"

> Attempt to not get killed on sharp things.

What is the source material anyway?

[Third Eye Lem]

>Hopefully that noncombat HP regen scales with max health.

> You're not entirely sure if that's the case or not. On that note...

>Any indication how far along we are to a level or whatever from that murder spree? Skim the stats and advancement in the menu if it's readily accessible.

> You look at your UI, and see nothing that resembles an EXP bar. In fact, if you look at your character's level, so far it's at ZERO.  :wat: Determined to find more details, you look at your character stats...Pretty straightforward, it uses a familiar-ish STR/INT/DEX/LUK system, but you also find another button called "Arcane Statistics." You click on it, and you're greeted with a more detailed stat list: Your min/max damage, your HP regen/sec, how many steps you walked, etc...But still no EXP bar to be found. Or MP bar, for that matter! What kind of sorcery is this?

>Are there any funny descriptions or details about the items we picked up? What's the inventory system like - are items stacking, is there a set number of slots, do the use up finite space by size like Diablo, etc? What's our sylladex

> Items stack, like in Minecraft or Torchlight, and you can have a certain amount of items per slot. The rollover text even shows how many items you can carry per slot.
> Speaking of which, you decide to see what goods you have on hand...

EQUIPS

• Rusty Cutlass -- One Handed Sword, Unbreakable, Quest Item (respawns where you found it if dropped) -- Attack +10
  An old cutlass you found in a shipwreck. Despite it's age, it's still intact...The maker must've put a lot of effort into this.

DROPS

• Boar Pelt -- Craftable Material, Common -- Sells for 10 coins
  You skinned this from a Wild Boar when you killed it. How you managed to keep it intact is a mystery.
• Boar Tusk -- Craftable Material, Common -- Sells for 15 coins
  These tusks are so tough and sharp, that some hunters use them as spearheads or daggers.

>Poke some thorns to see how much they hurt, then start attempting the climb. Same types of enemies here, right?

> There's some Pistol Plants that shoot seeds at you, but the plants are stationary, and while the seeds don't hurt that much, they have quite a bit of knockback to them. The thorns themselves hurt for about 10 damage (you have 100 HP), so you try your best not to get skewered too much.

> As you travel, you see what appears to be some cracked rocks in the jungle floor, between two columns of land. You jump down and try smacking them with your cutlass, but they refuse to crumble. You might have to come back here later.

_{EDIT: Darnit capth XP Didn't see your post}

> "So, uh, should we try to get killed by a boar charge in the tutorial? You know, for the achievement?"

> If you want to look like a brainless fairy, then be my guest. Medi's inclined to disagree. The boars do a hefty amount of damage, too, between 12-15 damage.

> Attempt to not get killed on sharp things.

> You decide, for funsies, to suicide yourself on the thorns. Sadly, an achievement doesn't pop up for your brazen acts of experimentation.

What is the source material anyway?

A good magician doesn't reveal their secrets. All will be explained in due time...Assuming we get that far.

> _

[capt. h]

> Ignore the rock smash rocks. Continue adventure into unknown.

[E-Nazrin]

>Maybe advancement's all equipment, or you raise the base stats directly? Guess that's a departure from the norm, at least.
>Bonk ourselves off on a stray boar if we encounter more in the near future, just to get that over with. But keep moving, we need to catch up a little!
>.... oh yeah, and take a look at the emotes. We need to find the most amusing way to greet Alice.

[Third Eye Lem]

> Ignore the rock smash rocks. Continue adventure into unknown.

> You fail to ignore the rocks, and stare at them longingly. Those fissures...That texture! It makes you wanna take one of them hooohahahahah sorry I can't do this it's just way too silly. You continue on your way.

>Maybe advancement's all equipment, or you raise the base stats directly? Guess that's a departure from the norm, at least.

> You consider asking Alice about this...

>Bonk ourselves off on a stray boar if we encounter more in the near future, just to get that over with. But keep moving, we need to catch up a little!
>.... oh yeah, and take a look at the emotes. We need to find the most amusing way to greet Alice.

> ...After you catch up to her. ADVENTURRRRRRE!
> You try to kill yourself on a Boar, but the RNG decides to screw you over by making the Boar miss and kill itself on some thorns. How lame! So, you decide to mess with the chat interface instead. There is a healthy amount of emotes, including some hidden ones that you must either purchase, or earn from drops. Sheesh, what WON'T these monsters drop?

> _

[E-Nazrin]

Sheesh, what WON'T these monsters drop?

>Experience, apparently.
>Since asking Alice about whether any of the intro enemies drop emotes would ruin the surprise, pick out a few silly, flirty ones to accost Alice with while continuing on and taking out boars along the way. Abuse regen times for experimentation.
>Where's that darn first town?

[Third Eye Lem]

>Since asking Alice about whether any of the intro enemies drop emotes would ruin the surprise, pick out a few silly, flirty ones to accost Alice with while continuing on and taking out boars along the way. Abuse regen times for experimentation.

> You pick out a lipstick-wearing emote that winks, and an emote holding a rose in its mouth, waggling its eyebrows. Very subtle, game.

>Where's that darn first town?

> Right about...Here, as a cutscene triggers and an NPC spots you. A shiver runs down your spine as you see it's another octopus, but it's decked out in a safari outfit and pith helm, carrying a magnifying glass.

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* Professor Otto *
"I say! You're a new face! What brings you to this fine settlement?"
> _

[E-Nazrin]

>Liking the rose one more. Perhaps a pithy comment will be in order. We shall see.
>'Depends on what you can do with those tentacles, Squidsworth~'
>Oh wow, they really give you a chance to input during this? Well, we know what we fight with: Love!

[Third Eye Lem]

>Oh wow, they really give you a chance to input during this? Well, we know what we fight with: Love!

> You're allowed to freely interact with the real world, why should video games be any different?
> The parser asks for a bit of clarity on this: did you want to hug the doctorpus, smite it, or do something else?

> _

[E-Nazrin]

>Oh, not a text input. Fiddle around wildly with character motions for a bit, then try just talking to it. If they've actually gotten a word out, it's only polite to exchange words before exchanging danmaku. We can nuke and/or shank him in short order, if need be.

[Third Eye Lem]

>Oh, not a text input. Fiddle around wildly with character motions for a bit, then try just talking to it. If they've actually gotten a word out, it's only polite to exchange words before exchanging danmaku. We can nuke and/or shank him in short order, if need be.

> You flail around a bit more, which only earns you a stymied glance from the octopus.

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"Clearly, you must've been through a delirium-inducing ordeal. Why don't you come with me back to the village, eh wot?"

> _
_{hopefully this'll look a bit better, you can still do commands outside the game or whatever}

[E-Nazrin]

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>Are they gonna try to eat me like the guy in the ocean?
>Head for the newbie village, but be wary!

[Third Eye Lem]

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>Are they gonna try to eat me like the guy in the ocean?
>Head for the newbie village, but be wary!

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"Of course not! We're a civilized folk! Cannibalism is not in our nature, as the goddess Erda forbids it.
Come, let me show our wonderful home."
> Otto escorts you to the first "town," which looks like less of a town and more like a temple of sorts. This is ERDDITE TEMPLE, a lush settlement carved out of an ancient ruin. You can see multiple houses set within the walls and buildings of this place, and the residents consist of mainly animal-like creatures, though there are a few humans. A towering statue of the aforementioned Erda watches over the area, though she (and most of the ruins) are covered in plants and moss. Despite that, the townsfolk have taken good care of this place, and turned it into a thriving location for trade and commerce.

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"Quite impressive, is it not? I myself came to study this place's ancient catacombs...
Why not have a look around, and come back to me when you're finished?"
> Quest Updated: Lern2Soshulize -- Talk to the vendors in the following places: General Store, Jewelery, Armory, Inn, Guild Hall.

> _

[capt. h]

> Whelp, only one thing to do.

> Put the 'mania' into kleptomania- uh, I mean talk to people.

> We'll rob them in their sleep.

[E-Nazrin]

>If the game displays local text chat bubbles above our heads, find a congregation of various animal-people in the same location and get a screenshot of us saying "HEDONISTIC FURRIES!" in the middle of them.
>What's the Erda statue look like? We should have some idea of what the final boss will be. I mean, obviously.
>Get that socialization thing out of the way, especially if there aren't any other players visible here. Instanced, presumably? Start with whichever's closest, or the Armory if it's difficult to tell.

>Take a glance to make sure not-Medi-Mari hasn't exploded or anything real quick.

[Third Eye Lem]

> Whelp, only one thing to do.

> Put the 'mania' into kleptomania- uh, I mean talk to people.

> We'll rob them in their sleep.

> Sadly, this isn't a conventional JRPG, you're not gonna find ancient artifacts stored in someone's flower pot...But you do find some coins, and random gem ores in some of the pots/boxes/whatever container has a sparkly thingy on it. It's like Golden Sun all over again!

_{> npcs never sleep what the hell are you talking about}

>What's the Erda statue look like? We should have some idea of what the final boss will be. I mean, obviously.

> The statue itself has short hair tied up in a bun, wears a toga, and has her arms outstretched forwards as if to offer someone a hug. Sappy, but you kinda get the feeling that Erda's the loving, caring type instead of the "SMITE ALL HUMANS" type. The statue also has patches of moss and other plant life growing on it.

>Take a glance to make sure not-Medi-Mari hasn't exploded or anything real quick.

> You try to do this, and your vision blurs a bit. It takes a second for your mind and eyes to re-adjust to the lightning in the room. How long were you staring at this game, anyways? It feels like hours...At any rate, you look at yourself. You're still sitting peacefully in a trance, which is surprising to see. You look to the left to see what Mini-Medi is up to, but she's not there.
> Up here, Link.
> Ah, Mini_medi's perched on Medicine's head again. How adorable!
> What, it's comfy up here.
> You chuckle to yourself and wheel around. Alice is firmly asleep, slumping back in her chair, while her control dolls type away at the keyboard.
> "I'm surprised she didn't fall out of her chair yet," Medicine quips. "But, I think she'll be fine, right?"

>If the game displays local text chat bubbles above our heads, find a congregation of various animal-people in the same location and get a screenshot of us saying "HEDONISTIC FURRIES!" in the middle of them.

> It just so happens that the game does use little text balloons while chatting! You locate a group of local children playing innocent card games, shout your phrase aloud, and take a screenshot.

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(CHAT WINDOW)
nyanNekoamata1313 said: Hey, nyow! I take offense to that, nya!
> Now would be a good time to mention that towns are not instanced, unless otherwise noted.

>Get that socialization thing out of the way, especially if there aren't any other players visible here. Instanced, presumably? Start with whichever's closest, or the Armory if it's difficult to tell.

> In an effort to escape the cat-affiliated user, you make to duck into the nearest building, which happens to be the armory. Tons of weapons, armor and other stat-boosting gear are on display, and a burly bear of an NPC is standing behind the counter. No, seriously, the owner of the store is a bear. Just like that octopus is a professor of some kind...An Archeologist, maybe?

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(CHAT WINDOW)
nyanNekoamata1313 said: You're not good at this hiding thing, are you nyow?
> Oh shit. She(?) followed you in.

> _

[E-Nazrin]

>Blame Reako
>'I'm not, but I don't care much about apologizing for mean jokes, ze!'
>Neglect the tantruming catgirl to talk to the bear NPC and get this quest advanced. And get some idea of what our equipment situation will be like, presumably.

>Hopefully that goddess won't be too important if she's that boring.
>Were those card-playing characters NPCs, or players? Does nyancatgirl have an actual catgirl character, or is that just the name?

>How does that time-passing exhaustion from turning away compare to typical I'm-playing-more-than-I-should-cause-it's-fun experiences we've had?
>Check a clock either way, to get an idea of how long it's been. Compare likewise.
>Make sure it's possible to get up and stretch.

[capt. h]

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(CHAT WINDOW)
nyanNekoamata1313 said: You're not good at this hiding thing, are you nyow?
> Oh shit. She(?) followed you in.

> "Fine. We'll settle this like gentleman."

> Time to bring out the children's card games.

[Dumanios]

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(CHAT WINDOW)
nyanNekoamata1313 said: You're not good at this hiding thing, are you nyow?
> Oh shit. She(?) followed you in.

> _

>Get ready to D-d-d-d-ddddd Duel!