Touhou Alternate Shorts; The Stuff of Illusions!

[Jq1790]

Afraid you've hit a word replacement the forum's got set up, so any mentions of m.i.m.a. will turn into that entirely unrelated name.  *just tested it*  Seems kinda annoying that the MotK people did it, though I have no idea why so it might be done for a reason?  *shrug*

[Drakometar]

Then it looks like M.I.M.A. and Shinki are going to have to retreat to the sidelines until M.I.M.A. gets back to normal. I don't want the great evil ghost to look like WALL.E.  :X
And it looks like I made most of these comments on my story. How sad. On the other hand, I can finally start working on Crow Cake's story. It'll be out by the 31rst at the latest.
 ‎   |＼／|
⑩⊂;(ﾟ∇ﾟ);⊃⑩
For now, please enjoy this Reimu?

[Jq1790]

Well, on the 'lack of comments on your stories' front, I suppose I could offer some...

I have to say, your funny ones are actually QUITE clever.  i got a kick out of them, anyway.

The one I think was the best was probably the one with the Gensou-Outsider War, though.  That last line, like someone else had said...It was really well done, and it made me think for a bit.  At first I'd thought of it as just a silly comment before Cirno detonated herself, but then after looking at it more, I understood, and it was actually quite a powerful line.  (The rest of the story was well done, too, mind; I liked the detail you put into a lot of things.  It's just that that last line was the real jewel of it.)

Also, that Reimu looks like she's cheerleading, haha.  (I'll figure those are meant to be yinyang orbs, but still.)

[Drakometar]

Alex And Maurice!

Alex stretched before scratching his head. The puppeteer got up and carefully cleaned his cluttered workplace, putting everything back in its proper place. It was almost twelve, and he knew that the damned mage would come popping in any minute--

"Yo~ Alex, you in there?" The puppeteer sighed. "Hey, open up you shut-in! Let me in, ze!"

"Go away, Maurice. I'm busy." Alex turned towards the front door, and jumped back in shock. Maurice's face was pressed against the window, and his golden eyes were staring right at Alex.

"Liar! Let me in, da ze! Or I'll tell Aya that you spend all day jacking off!"

Alex pressed his thumb over his wrist and waited for his pulse to slow, before responding. "Don't you dare, you stupid black and white rat."

"Then let me in!" The mage had begun tapping at the glass, and Alex feared for its safety.

"Alright, alright, just stop that tapping!" Alex walked up to the door as fast as he could, and unlocked the door. A few seconds later, the disheveled mage strolled in.

"Hohoho! Looks like the mighty Alex Margatroid fears for the safety of his glass windows! How cute! Just wait till I tell Redie about this, he'll laugh his head off!"

"I don't really think that the Hakurei priest shares your sense of humor, Maurice. Now, what do you want?" Alex crossed his arms and scowled.

"What I always want!! Tea, magic, and fun!"

"Weird, I was always under the impression that the priorities of men like you were 'Women, wine, and money' or something like that."

"Naw, Mana-sama told me to wait until my fifties before I indulged in women and cash." Maurice stepped back and eyed the puppeteer in front of him for a moment. "Though, I'd think that would be too hard for you to do, even when you are a dandy old codger! Man, you'd be a real lady-killer if you'd step outta the house every once in a while, ze!"

"I don't want to be told that by Gensoukyo's resident pimp." Alex clapped his hands, and almost immediately, a child-sized puppet tottered foward from the back of the room. "Shang, get some tea for the pimp, would you? In a dog bowl, if possible."

"Eh~ So Alex is in to this sort of thing? Well, alright, ze! Hey, Pinocchio! While you're at it, get some--" Maurice never got a chance to finish his statement. Alex had slapped a hand over his friend's face as soon as he possibly could.

"You... You.... Get out!! Get out of my house!!"

Maurice pried Alex's hand off his face, and grinned broadly. "Hey, no problem! We can do that some other time, ze! What I really came here for is to invite you to the vampire's party. Pat's been asking for you. Apparently, he found something within your fields of expertise or something. Heres the invitation, da ze." The mage handed Alex an envelope. "See ya there~"

Alex watched as Maurice stepped onto his staff and flew off. "Hrmph. Stupid....." The puppeteer flipped open the envelope and read the contents. "Hmm... So she wants to learn a little puppeteering magic to help control Lander? Geez, that family has to learn to control their kid. Well, I suppose he has gotten better with controlling his powers." He shut the door and locked it.

Hmm... Bath time? No, too early. And the party isn't until six, so I have time. Hmm..... I just cleaned up, so I can't start my research again.... Hm.. What to do?

As Alex pondered the question, a knock on the door broke him out of his reverie. "Oh, what is it now!?" Alex flung the door open, and to his immense surprise, saw the half-youkai storekeeper, Rinnosuka.

"Oh! Er... Mister Alex.... I... Um... Here!!" The half-youkai shoved an envelope in Alex's direction. "Please read it!!" The silver haired girl then took the the air and flew away as fast as she could.

"Well, that was interesting. Let's see...."

Dear Mister Alex,

I write this letter to profess my love for you. I admit that I had fallen for you when you first entered my shop with Maurice. And I really, really, like yo--

Alex tore the letter in half, and immediately called for Shang. "SHANG!! SHANG!!" The doll flew to its master's side immediately. "Burn this, burn this immediately!! No, no! The black and white couldn't have known of this, and he must not! No, no, no, no, no, no, no..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alice sat up, panting and sweating. The dolls on her dresser lifted their heads, and as Alice fell back on her bed, the dolls fell back to their original positions. The puppeteer brought her hand to her face and pressed the back of it to her forehead. Then she groaned and sat back up, flipping her hand over and pressing her palm to her forehead, ignoring the way the sweat make her bangs stick up.

Unfortunately for Alice, a flood of weird, genderbended images of her fellow Gensoukyo residents flew threw her head. First came Yukari, all decked out with his/her hair in a ponytail, as well as a goatee. Then came a shirtless Reimu, who also had a small ponytail as well as his/her trademark sleeves. Male Sanae seemed a little more femine, or at least more decent than male Reimu. After flew male Aya, pulling down trousers and taking pictures of undergarments. Alice winced at that. But before the puppeteer could get herself back on track, a stream of other male Gensoukyans invaded her mind.

By the time Alice got her mind under control, only one thought was present in her head.

Oh, gods, oh gods, OH GODS. My subconscious needs to get a life. I wonder if that satori is willing to help me out with that?

An image of a male EX-Keine and a male Eirin flashed through her mind. Alice shivered,

If not, then Yukari it is. Yes, Yukari can make the bad things go away.....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Although it's interesting to see what the girls would look like male, it's not very fun when you get down to it. IT IS, I REPEAT NOT FUN. I mean just imagine Pimprisa, as a male, seducing other males. I have nothing against yaoi, in reality and otherwise, but that image is just BAD. Not to mention Aya. Also, what about Mokou and Wriggle? They wear pants in normal Gensoukyo. What happens in genderbend? Kilts? Really, it's not pretty.

[locoroco1]

...Gensokyo's creepy with all boys.

[Drakometar]

Isn't it? I didn't smile once while reading this. I guess that's why Alice was so weirded out. Having something as rare as a male in Gensoukyo, and actually being one must be horrifying, even if it was a dream. As a celebration on Facebook's Touhou Project reaching 30 thousand likes, I will get off my lazy butt and start working on the Hatate=Mercenary story.

[CS]

Rinnosuka sounds cute, though. But besides that, yeah it's pretty creepy, especially when you realize there'll be a creepy old geezer who likes playing with gaps, a crazy dude in white who sprays bullets at people when it's spring, a horribly obese yeti who comes out only in the winter, a mad doctor who tries out his crazy new drugs everyday on his pet shota bunnyman and a certain tengu who flies around taking pictures of men in their underwear... I'd name more but you get the idea. I'd like a trap Wriggle though, and maybe even a shota boy!Chen with the fatherly man!Ran

[acrowdofpeople]

Huh, the gender-swapped Gensoukyou sounds rather interesting, actually. Likely to be difficult to write for, but still, it seems like a lot of fun.

[Drakometar]

Someone, Help Eirin!

Kaguya's intense stare almost drilled a hole into her flatscreen, where Fox was duking it out with Sonic in Final Destination. She had one life left, and Sonic was winning with two lives left.

"Come on.... Win for Mama Fox! Win for Mama! Or at least that fox shikigami, 'cuz I guess she's more your type. Come on, almost there, 398%!! Critical, critical, critical..!!!" Sonic fell off the platform. "Oh, HELL YEAH!!! Take THAT Sonic!!"

The fight soon ended, with Kaguya's victory. After that, Kaguya had shut off her Wii and got off her futon. It was nearly time for her daily scrap with Mokou-tan, and there was no way she'd miss that.

Kaguya left her room, and energetically greeted any rabbit she passed by in the hallways. "Hi Inaba! How are you, Inaba? Nice to see you again, Inaba! Oh, hey Inaba!"

"Princess? Are you going to see Mokou now?" Kaguya turned to see the Moon rabbit. For a second, Kaguya couldn't remember her name, but it soon came flying back to her.

"Oh! Udonge!! Yeah. Why? Does Eirin want something?"

"Well. She does want you to give something to Fujiwara-san's guardian. I have it right here." Reisen reached into her blazer pocket and withdrew a small package. There was a note taped to one side of the rectangular present, but Kaguya couldn't make out what it said.

Kaguya took the package and slipped it into her sleeve. Reisen bowed, before walking away, yelling at the Earth rabbits as she went. Kaguya shrugged and left, careful not to let the package slip from her sleeve.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The first thing Kaguya saw when she stepped into the clearing were flames. The bamboo surrounding the clearing were on fire, creating an illusion of a flaming barrier, and Mokou stepped out from the dense clumps of burning bamboo.

"Heh. Late, Kaguya. What happened? Didja get caught up in one of your video games?" Mokou grinned smugly as she flew into the air.

"No, I got held up by official business. Eirin told me to give this to the hakutaku." Kaguya tilted her arm, and the present slipped out and fell into her hand. The Lunarian held it out to Mokou, who had dispelled the flames as soon as she had heard, 'hakutaku', landed and reached for the object.

Kaguya tossed it to her, and Mokou promptly threw it into the woods. "W-What was that for, Mokou?!"

"I'll find it later. Keine's not here right now, and I'm not leaving to go get her!! Put up your fists, NEET! It's time to get started!"

The firebird's war cry caused a wave of affection to rise up in Kaguya. To think that Mokou would rather fight with her than hang out with the hakutaku....

"Take this!! Possessed By Phoenix!!"

"Urrwwraaah!?!? T-Take this then! Night's End-Cresent Moon!!"

Unfortunately, Kaguya could not make it in time, and the brunt of the spell card hit her before her danmaku could even near Mokou. The fiery lasers tore into Kaguya's flesh, and the Lunarian could feel herself slipping away from consciousness.....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kaguya sat up, ignoring the dull pounding in her head. She was in someone's house, tucked into someone's bed. A pleasant, yet exotic scent wafted over from one of the rooms. The princess stood, made the bed, and promptly realized just whose house she was in. Kaguya jumped back onto the bed, pulling the blankets over herself.

"What's up with that racket!? Kaguya, is that you?!" Mokou stormed into the room, her bare feet slapping against the worn wood. Kaguya yelped as she felt the blanket being ripped off her.

"Wh-What are you doing, Mokou?!" Kaguya's face turned a brilliant shade of red as iron-like fingers closed around her forearm. Mokou pulled her out of bed, sending Kaguya stumbling as she let go. The princess regained her balance, and turned to face her hotheaded rival. "What was that for!?"

"Time to eat, and I'm definitely not feeding you. Come on, let's go eat Fujiwara Curry!!" Mokou headed for the room she had just left, and Kaguya followed after her.

It was a small room, with just enough space to cook and eat. There were no chairs, just a raised wooden board several inches off the floor. Set on this board were two plates, both of which where filled with rice, and covered by some sort of thick red sauce, as well as some meat and vegetables.

"..... What's that? Is that.... Fujiwara Curry?" Kaguya stared at the meal in fascination and disgust. As if on response, one plate of curry bubbled ominously.

"Yup! The product of years and years of experimentation! Be happy Kaguya!! I've only made this for people really close to me!! In fact, you're pretty undeserving of this, you know!?"

"Aw, but Mokou-tan. Remember the rocket incident? Weren't you the one who hid outside the window and eavesdropped on us? Aren't you the once who's always obsessing over me?" Kaguya turned to Mokou and leaned forward, their noses almost brushing. "Even if you don't want to admit it, you spend more time at my place than you do at your own house~"

"Fuck off, and eat, Moonbitch!!" Mokou backed away, and headed for the table/board with only the barest hint of a blush on her cheeks. Kaguya smiled and followed after her, mentally celebrating her victory. Mokou sat at the raised board and promptly began digging in.

"Er.... Is this really safe to eat...?" Kaguya, who had seated herself on the other side of the table, lifted her spoon but eyed the meal with apprehension.

"You're immortal, what do you have to fear? Eat!" The firebird downed another mouthful of curry, smearing some sauce and rice on her cheeks.

Kaguya hesitantly dug her spoon into the rice, and brought the utensil to her half-opened mouth. She stared at the spoonful of red goop and rice. It bubbled. She stared. It bubbled. This pattern continued with such intensity, that Mokou actually stopped eating to stare.

"What's wrong Kaguya? Scared?" Mokou smirked.

"..... This thing.... It's bubbling....."

"That's because it's hot. Eat Kaguya! I put a lot of effort into this! I made it using the highest grade ingredients available!"

"The bubbles.... They look like pimples.... The pimples..... They're staring at me......"

"Kaaaaaaguuuuuyaaaa......." The Lunarian looked up, her face blank and her eyes dull. She felt her arm being moved, and Kaguya soon found the spoon and its contents in her mouth. She swallowed on reflex, and as she did, she felt the remains of her stupor fade away.

"Mokou? Why are you holding my arm?"

"Damn.... I knew playing too many video games made you stupid, but I didn't know it was this bad. I fed you. With your own spoon too. Geez, what a useless Lunatic Princess."

Kaguya said nothing.

Huh... It doesn't taste that bad? Weird. Knowing Mokou, I had thought there would have been charcoal in iTEERRRRUUUUN!!!!!!??

The princess felt her throat tightening, and her nose started to burn, bringing tears to her eyes. Almost as if on cue, her mouth seemed to catch on fire, as if someone had pressed a burning coal onto her tongue and made her swallow it. She could feel the insides of her cheeks tightening, as if they were being slow roasted over a fire. Kaguya opened her mouth and began screaming.

Mokou jumped away from the wailing Lunarian in shock. "What's wrong Kaguya?!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!?? WAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHH!!!!" By now, the pain had intensified, and now Kaguya felt as though lit matches had been stuck up her nose, and her mouth was suffering abuse parallel that one time Mokou had shoved her flaming hand into Kaguya's mouth.

"Huh? Oh!! Oh, wait here!!" Mokou stood and moved to the puny cooking area, and reached into a bamboo crate. Mokou came back with a handful of ice. "Here, suck on these! Don't chew, don't swallow, and don't let them sit on your tongue!!" Mokou promptly dropped the ice into Kaguya's open mouth.

Kaguya obeyed, and once the ice had melted, the only indication of her previous pain were her incredibly raw mouth, throat, and nose. The princess attempted to speak, but the only a hoarse croak made its way out.

Mokou left the table yet again, and returned with water, smirking all the while. Kaguya glared at her through still teary eyes, and downed the glass that the firebird had given her. When she finished, she slammed the glass onto the board.

"You.... You bitch..... The fuck.... You..... You.... You call that bit of hell fire cooking!?"

Mokou frowned. "Unless you can do better, Moonbitch. I spent centuries getting that dish right! In fact, let's see you try it!"

"Try.... What.....?" Kaguya panted.

"Make a dish better than mine, and prove that you can cook better than this heartfelt meal!!"

"It's on bitch..... Tommorrow night, at Eientei! Cooking contest! I bring one judge, you bring one judge, and then each of us will post two posters in random areas to get two more judges! No bribing! Deal?"

"Deal! Now, get out of my house!!" Mokou reached over, wrapped one arm around her rivals shoulders, and put her free arm under Kaguya's knees and quickly lifted her. Kaguya promptly blanked out, and didn't notice herself being carried through the Bamboo Forest and dropped off at Eientei.

"Alright Kaguya! I'll see you tomorrow, so get ready!!" Mokou whirled around and disappeared into the forest, leaving an unconscious Kaguya and several curious rabbits.

"Princess? What are you doing, just lying there?" Eirin's face was the first thing Kaguya saw when she came to. "And did you deliver the package to Miss Kamishirasawa? Actually, never mind. I saw Mokou carrying it. So, I take it you lost the fight?"

"Urrrgghhh.... Too spicy...."

"....... Princess.....?" Eirin finally sighed a snapped her fingers at the nearby rabbits. "Take the princess to her room. If she needs me, tell her I'll be in my lab." And with that, Eirin left, leaving the rabbits to drag Kaguya back to her chambers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"EIRIN, EIRIN, HELP ME EIRIN!!!!!!" Kaguya screamed. It was about half an hour after Mokou had brought her home, and now Kaguya was getting hungry, and of course, she needed to tell Eirin about the contest. The door slid open, and in walked the doctor.

"Princess....?" Eirin crossed her arms and stared at the still screaming princess. "Princess, what's wrong?"

"I'm hungry!"

"......... That's certainly strange. Usually Mokou feeds you before bringing you back, if she's the one who wins."

"Well, this time she fed me something truly terrible. So, this happened." Kaguya gave a surprisingly accurate description of what had transpired, leaving Eirin bewildered.

"So... She basically fed you extremely spicy curry? And now we're hosting a contest to see who cooks better? And you want me to be a judge?"

"Yep! You and one volunteer for my part, and Mokou brings one person and a volunteer as well!"

"......... Very well. As you wish, your Highness."

"Thanks Eirin! I'm going to go get a volunteer! From the Human Village, maybe?" Kaguya flounced out of the room, midnight black hair flowing down her back.

For the next few seconds, Eirin wondered if there would be enough time to make another Hourai Elixer. If the Princess and Mokou were cooking, then Eirin would need all the immortality she could get. Sighing, the doctor chided herself for having such irrisponsible thoughts, but felt the smallest pangs of regret as her genius mind predicted the next day's blood bath.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kaguya glanced at Mokou from the corner of her eye. The firebird was carefully examining her equipment, attempting to find proof of sabatoge. Several meters behind them sat the four judges; Eirin, Keine, Reimu, and Yuyuko. Eirin looked apprehensive, while Keine was trying, and failing, to appear assured.  Reimu looked hungry, while the ghost was chatting affably. Nearby, the commentator, Udonge, was watching nervously as Mokou checked the ingredients. Once Mokou gave a nod of assention, Udonge stepped towards the microphone and began to adress the crowd of rabbits, humans, and youkai.

"Uh..... Um.... Hello..... Everybody..... Welcome t-to the first Eientei Cookoff..... Umm...."

"Get on with it rabbit, I'm hungry."

"Eep!! Uh..... Of course...... Contestants..... Please start!" Reisen spoke with conviction. Kaguya guessed that the rabbit was the type who had no idea how to fill in the blank spots in conversation, or simply wasting time chatting with strangers.

Next to her, Mokou had begun cracking eggs and beating them. Not wanting to fall behind, Kaguya began boiling water. Behind them, the judges watched with approval as the rivals began to prepare their dishes: Mokou's Fujiwara Curry and Kaguya's Eternal Udon.

Mokou had begun peeling her potatoes, and Kaguya was washing her beef. When she had completed her task, Mokou chopped her peeled carrots. Kaguya washed her vegetables. Mokou boiled her peeled potatoes. Kaguya washed her hands.

The firebird stared at her. "What's up with all this washing?! Do something productive!" Kaguya stuck out her tongue, and began greasing her pan.

Kaguya could see Reimu shift impatiently in her seat, while the pink ghost to her right had begun to drool. Eirin had gone paler than usual, and the hakutaku was starting to look regretful. She quickly dumped a bag of noodles into the boiled water, and waited patiently for them to cook.

"Alright!! Time to start!" Kaguya turned to see Mokou surrounded by an array of prepared ingredients. The firebird was standing imperiously in front of the table, which was groaning in protest to the weight it carried. One of the pots contained a thick, bubbling red sludge that was unmistakably Fujiwara Curry. Or at least the base, as the ingredients had yet to be added.

"Gh!! You're almost done already!? No fair!"

"Suck it up, Moonbitch! Your own fault for spending so much time washing!"

"Bah! Hey, Eirin! Isn't she going to be penalized for profanity? Eirin? Eir-- HOLY HELL!!" Kaguya's eyes fell upon the prone form of her faithful servant. "Eirin!? Eirin!?"

Mokou's ruby eyes widened as Eirin fell from her seat and landed facedown onto the ground. Keine quickly stood and moved to help her. "Doc?! Doc!? What the fuck are the rest of you doing!? Help Keine help the Doc!"

Reimu sighed, and went to Eirin's side, flipping the doctor over and lazily checking her pulse. "So troublesome....."

Yuyuko stared at Eirin in confusion. "My my..... What happened to the doctor? Youmu, what happened to her?" There was naturally no response, as the gardener had left after dropping her mistress off. "Youmu? Where'd you go, Youmu? Helloooo?"

Reisen ran to her master with a spray can in her hand. "Master! Hold on, I've got some sprayable revival salt!" The rabbit vigourously sprayed all over her master's face, never missing a spot.

Eirin revived in a manner that made Mokou's fiery ressurections seem almost normal. The silver-haired doctor ran laps around the table, every-so-often allowing her brisk jog to melt into a sprint and from there, turned cartwheels and backflips all the way around the group.

"Why the hell is she doing that?" asked Reimu, eyebrow twitching in irritation.

"I-I think maybe it's because I was a little too vigourous with my spraying....."

"When will she be back to normal, Udonge?" Mokou scratched her head as Eirin began doing barrel rolls and firing an imaginary automatic machine-gun.

"Cchhk-Chhcckk-Chhrrrook-BOOM!!!" Eiring threw herself back and held her arms above her head as an fantasy explosion blew up in her face.

"....... Where the hell is Aya when you need her? Is she trolling us again?" Reimu checked the sky for skirt-flipping tengus, and was disappointed when there were none in sight. Kaguya glared at her.

"Help me pin her down!! Gah, what does Eirin think she's doing!?!? Does she think she's Snake or something!?!" Kaguya rushed towards her servant, who was now chucking "grenades" at the judging tables.

"SNAKES?!?! Kanako again!? Dammit, I told her I'm not interested in marrying Sanae already!!!" Reimu cowered slightly, holding her arms up to ward off any falling pillars and indigo haired godesses.

"Wait, is she against you marrying the priestess or for it?" Keine asked.

"Against it!! I don't even like Sanae that way!!" Reimu, no longer intrested in relaying the details of her lovelife, turned and began chasing Eirin theough the clearing.

"Wahaha!! Death shall never break me, Brothers!! I swear on the Brigade that I shall uphold our laws!! Pew pew pew!!" Another deranged cry from the deluded doctor rang through the air.

Mokou jumped into the air and dove at Eirin. "Stop Doc, before the reporter and the paparazzi catch you!!"

Yuyuko stared blankly, before covering her mouth and chuckling. "Oh dear.... Looks like I'll have something to talk about during the next Old Maids meeting......"

"Shut up and help already!!" Kaguya wrapped her arms around Eirin's busty chest, but was promptly flattened as the doctor decided to do a barrel roll to avoid an imaginary gunman. "Holy hell, her breasts are heavy!!"

"Yes, breasts to tend to make up most of the body weight on busty women." Yuyuko waved her hand vaguely as the other girls; minus Eirin, stared.

"Look, we can talk breasts later; catch that doctor!!" Mokou yelled from where she was gripping Eirin's leg. Eirin kicked at Mokou's head and ran across the clearing.

Reimu sighed and tapped her head, appearing to be at least twenty years older than she really was. "Let's hurry this up....." Rather than pulling out a spell card, the dark haired maiden merely strolled over to the cooking area and grabbed a single plate.

After examining it, Hakurei Reimu's right hand; the hand that held the edge of the plate, went to her left hip before Reimu whipped her arm forward and let the plate fly out of her hand. And the plate flew through the air, spiraling towards Eirin.....

It hit. The plate smashed into the side of Eirin's head, shards and blood flying everywhere. Eirin fell to her knees and collapsed onto the floor, a small pool of blood forming around her head. Reisen quickly ran up to her master, pulling a first aid kit from within her blazer.

"Hold on Master!" Reisen grabbed a roll of bandages and bound them around Eirin's head. "The bleeding's slowing!"

While the rabbit tended to her master, Reimu watched wearily as Mokou pushed herself up and Kaguya sat up from where she lay. The lower half of Yuyuko's face was hidden by her fan, but it was obvious she was smiling. Keine had run over to Eirin, and was assisting Reisen in her medical endeavor.

"You people are so troublesome." Reimu floated over to the judge's table, and landed next to Yuyuko. Mokou glared, before turning her attention to the simmering curry.

"Shit! I gotta prepare the yakitori!" Mokou rushed over to the cooking area, arms outstretched comedically.

"..... Oh crap! My udon!" Kaguya ran after her rival, waving her sleeves flapping. Reimu watched them go with what had to be the most apathetic expression to ever grace Gensoukyo.

"They come and go like thunderstorms I swear." Yuyuko snapped her fan shut and tapped the tip against her forehead, but before the ghost could speak, Reimu interrupted her. "Shut up."

The princess pouted, but her usual airy manner was still intact. "Oh my. I wonder when the food will be ready."



 

[CS]

Gratz, man...


By the time you see this, it'd be 1k...
(I'm looking forward to seeing how the Kaguya short ends and how Hatate-mercenary short goes :V)

[Drakometar]

VICTORY!!!! I WILL NOW WORK ON THE KAGUYA SHORT WITH ALL MY HEART!!! Ah, on a side note. Anyone who reads my shorts should continuously reread some of the stories because I rewrite or add to the stories randomly.

[Drakometar]

Hata-tan Gets Paid to Hate?

The mercenary had a gun in her purse. That much Alice was sure of. The mercenary in question, Himekaidou Hatate, sat across from the blonde scientist, smiling affably and loosely gripping her purse.

"So..... Miss Margatroid, was it? What can I do for you? Because, if it's a bit of space on my paper, I can totally do that!" Hatate grinned, just the slightest hint of a youngster's cockiness flashing across her pretty face.

"Um.... No.... That's not quite it...." When Alice had requested the services of The Kakashi Spirit, she had not expected the young, attractive young woman she was now dining with. Apparently, the mercenary known as The Kakashi Spirit owned a small, local newspaper of the same name.

Hatate raised her hand. One of the waitresses took notice and rushed over to their table.

"How may I help--"

"One of your scallop dishes! Hey, Miss Margatroid! What do you want?" A flash of annoyance appeared on the waitress's face, but Hatate ignored it.

Alice smiled apologetically at the waitress, before ordering salad. The waitress left, and Alice turned to her mercenary guest. "So.... Miss Himekaidou.... As for the reason why I called you here..... I..... have someone I want dead."

Hatate's smile disappeared immediately. She reached into her purse, and Alice tensed, thinking that she was going for her gun. "You... Take this."

Alice caught the phone that the mercenary tossed at her. Hatate withdrew another cellphone, and began typing. The sleek black phone in Alice's hand began to ring. Alice flipped it open, and found a text message.

Is that why you asked me out? Geez, I guess my hunch was off.

Alice checked the sender, before typing up a response of her own.

What do you mean, Miss Himekaidou?

I totally thought you were a lesbian who wanted to go out with me.

Alice stared blankly, her jaw slowly dropping and her eyes widening. The scientist was spared having to answer, as their meals arrived then. Hatate dug in, leaving Alice to thank the waitress in her typical suave manner, before stabbing her fork into a piece of lettuce. Hatate's slurps and loud chews were the only sounds at their table.

"So.... Do you accept my preposition?" Hatate blinked at the scientist's suddenness.

"Depends. Finish your food, then we'll discuss this." She grinned. "Holy hell, this scallop is awsome!! Totally the best cafe ever!!" Hatate hurriedly shoveled more food into her mouth.

Alice likewise began to eat, though at a slower pace. She began to put together her reasons for wanting to have the people murdered. By the time Alice finished her salad, she had a speech that most politicians would die to have. In front of her Hatate was wiping her sauce-smeared face clean with a napkin, her checkered cellphone next to her empty plate.

"Hah, I've totally gotta come back here sometime! So delicious!" Hatate flipped her cellphone open and began typing.

So, give me a reason why you want me to assassinate these people.

Alice took her time typing.

 Well, Miss Himekaidou. It is my belief that it is necessary to give you a small backstory, in order to explain my motives. Do you mind?

Alice unconsciously held her breath in anticipation, the old pain in her chest flaring as she waited for an answer.

Go ahead. I totally don't mind!

Alice let out the breath, and closed her eyes thoughtfully. She began placing the horrible events in order, and felt a small twinge in her shoulder. Alice rubbed the old injury uncomfortably, before typing.

Thank you. Alright...... Let's see..... When I was younger, I was severely disliked by the children of my neighborhood. My mother and her maid did their best to protect me, but it only lessened my pain. One day, as I was being attacked by a particularly nasty bully, another girl stepped in. She was my mother's friend's adopted daughter, and soon, we too became close friends. Ah..... Those were the days; spending the days happily with my mother, putting on puppet shows to amuse her and her friend, and of course, being with Marisa.

So you ARE a lesbian! Awesome!

...... Sure, why not? At any rate, we were together for quite a while, from childhood to college. We graduated early, and studied to become scientists. We succeeded, naturally. But on our first gig....

What was the gig?

Have you heard of the Master Spark Incident? The one where an entire laboratory blew up?

So your friend.....

Alice smiled bitterly, tears coming to her eyes as she remembered the explosions, the screams, and Marisa's broken, blackened body.

Was involved in that incident. Marisa; that's her name, and I were not in the building at the time. We both got away safely, but Marisa... Like the fool she is, ran inside to try and save stragglers. She succeeded, like she usually does, but at the cost of her own body. She is currently under the care of the scientist/doctor Yakogoro Eirin, so she's in good hands. Problem is, even with Miss Yakogoro's genius, her body will still be paralyzed, and the burns will never fade.....

Oh... I'm so sorry.

Don't dwell too much on it. At any rate, it hurt for me to even look at Marisa. She used to be so lively, so cheerful, so active! Now she's reduced to sitting in bed and doing extremely limited activities like reading.... Playing video games...... The point is, I'm involved in.... I guess you could say I specialize in robotics. And I want to make Marisa a new body.

But that would involve transferring all her organs to an entirely new body!

I forgot to mention that I want her to keep all her memories and every aspect of her personality before the accident.

But that's not possible!

It is. I'm so, so close! Though I'm only testing on animals for now. But you see.... There are some people who disapprove of what I'm doing. To the animals, I mean.

Animals? So you want me to off the head of the SPCA? That's totally easy!! I mean, I can shoot him while he's using the toilet at their next meeting!

No..... You see..... There are two.... Or three other animal fanatics that are extremely angry at me for, I quote, 'Abusing the poor things! Cutting out their organs and stuff! You need to be shut down before you hurt more animals, Unyu!'. End quote.

Unyu....? Oh no.

The Head of Peace...... Utsuho "Okuu" Reiujji.

[Drakometar]

Baby Showers in My Gensoukyo? NEVER!

Marisa adjusted her hat, a beautifully wrapped present tucked under her other arm. She stood in the center of a long, long line of well-wishers. In front of the line sat Hakurei Reimu and her husband. It had been a year since Reimu had gotten married, and three months after she had become pregnant. Marisa narrowed her eyes and studied the lucky man. It was impossible to see his face, as his shaggy black hair covered everything above his nose.