Sounds kinda like my old laptop. Half the keys didn't work, the mousepad was completely nonfunctional, the usb mouse I used instead didn't click properly, the battery was straight up broken which would cause the thing to turn off if it got unplugged, and it was a Mac, so the power cable's plug was massive, which kept it from staying in the socket properly.
Your situation's obviously a lot worse, but I know your pain, man.