Author Topic: The Twelve Labours of Flandre Scarlet  (Read 2063 times)

Forte Blackadder

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The Twelve Labours of Flandre Scarlet
« on: June 02, 2011, 09:09:46 PM »

Once upon a time, there was a vampire family with the name Scarlet. They were strong, powerful, and noble. However, Gods stroke upon their fortune, and cursed the family to have a tragedy when two girls to be born. The older sister, Remilia, received the ability of manipulate fate. This is an ability of Gods, and thus quaked the ever-peaceful land of the Immortals. Something had to be done, and yes, as the cost for this ability, Remilia's sister, Flandre, was born mentally ill.

In vain, Remilia's parents committed suicide by going to France and ate all the dish that had garlic in the recipe. On their deathbed, they told Remilia to help her sister, love her, and raise her well. Then they died, smiling.

Remilia couldn't just let their sacrifice goes to waste. She studied like a mad girl. Several years later, Remilia Scarlet had succeeded in getting a PhD from Beauxbatons. She found out the way of eating garlic properly and became very famous in France. Additionally, Remilia also realised how to lift the curse from her beloved sister.

Flandre, who is completely normal as long as no chocolate is around, could turn into a very dangerous monster and kill off everything in sight. Remilia loved her sister very much, and couldn't bear watching Flandre living without knowing the taste of chocolate. This was why, she then decided to challenge Gods, and help her sister.

?Therefore, go to Britain.? she said.

?Why?? Flandre asked her sister, confused.

?You're cursed because Gods hated us, Flandre, this is why you have to do some errands for them. Collect twelve relics, and the curse shall be lifted.?

?And why must I go alone??

?Because there is no point if I help you, my dear. This is your visa and passport, you have to be independent from now on. Find partners, and become the greatest vampire history's ever known!?

?Gosh, this is stupid... I'll just stay here and browse 4chan.?

?If you finish these 12 labours, you can eat Snickers.?

?I'm off. See you.?

?See you, my dear.?

And so, little Flandre finally out of the house and walked her path. What should she become? This very fiction will tell you... First, let us follow the girl, board the boat to her first destination: London.

The First Relic
Legendary Book of All Magic

London, the city of fog, where everything seemed so vague, people wandered about with a faked smile on their faces. What treasure could be kept in such a place? Ah, the book. Yes, the book that recorded all the magic human ever thought of. The book of knowledge that had been protected by generations of wizards, witches, gnomes and dragons. Very soon, Flandre would have to break in the most secured building in all England: the Gringotts Bank. But fate didn't want things to go so smooth, did it? She bumped into a very ?healthy? girl, note the quotes.

?Ouch, watch where you go!? our heroine said.

?Sorry, but you was running...? the girl replies. For a moment, Flandre looked in her eyes. What a deep beautiful blue sea. The girl is a witch, she knew. Because her hair is purple and that time they didn't have any dye.

?Hey, are you a witch?? just to make sure, Flandre asked.

?Uhm, yes, why??

?I'm just wondering, do you know where can I get the Book of All Magic??

Startled, the girl quickly stood up and dragged Flandre to a nearby Subway. After a long travel, Flandre was pretty hungry, she ordered a 1 foot Italian Herbs with meat balls, salami, turkey, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and mayonnaise. The girl then introduced herself as Patchouli Knowledge, a graduated witch from Hogwarts. After hearing Flandre's story, she asked if she could travel with her so her parents would stop nagging her to marry a git from an upperclass family. Patchouli conveniently was also interested in the Book of All Magic.

?I see, very well let's be friends. After all it's dangerous for a cute girl like me going around alone in this country.? Flandre smiled happily.

Patchouli joined the party.

The Book of All Magic, Patchouli said, was a legendary manual that was entrusted by the Queen herself to a man in this very city. He is legendary bookstore owner and rumoured to have defeated even the Dark Lord, sir Darth Vader, to protect the book. The Londoners called him ?The legendary bookstore owner?.

?But I have to get that book or I can't eat Snickers! Do you have any plan??

?Yes I do, but first we have to go to see who this guy really is first.?

The bookstore, Fry's Ingenious Scripts, laid peacefully on one side of the Thames. Its owner, mister Stephen, was rather intriguingly eating a cigar as our girls came in.

?Good afternoon sir.? Patchouli greeted politely.

?Oh, yes, indeed it is a good afternoon, miss. I have to say we've been getting quite a lot of bad noons lately, therefore I'm felicitous to aware that the sun shines much warmer, and hotter, after.?

?I'm sorry?? Patchouli looked confused, and Flandre stared at Mr.Stephen with a blank face.

?Why are you apologising? Did you nick something??

?Er, no, no, we didn't touch anything. I was just wondering if you know about the book...?

?Oh of course I know about the books miss. Where do you think this place is? I must say that I'm quite shocked to see how a fertile woman such as yourself, failed to recognise these very neat arrangements of flattened, inked, wood tied together with strings and filled with the logs of our ancestors' wonderful thinking processes. If you, by any chance, happen to be an estate agent, then I'm afraid I'll have you turning around, move your legs one after another, slowly and steadily out the door which is build conveniently behind you, without ever, and I repeat, ever looking back.?

?No no no, I mean the Book of All Magic, do you know about it?? Patchouli looked somehow frustrated.

?Oooh.? Stephen covered his mouth. ?So you're here for the Book of Magic! Please accept my most erotic apology, miss. I could never have guessed... Please, please, take a seat, make yourself at home, and I'll show you the book immediately. Would you fancy a cup of tea, misses??

?Er yes, please.? Finally managed to calm down, Patchouli and Flandre tried to relax.

?I won't be long.? Stephen took his coat and walked out the store.

?Hey, where are you going??

?Getting the cup of tea, miss? I know we have a very delicious shop not very close from here.?

?No, wait, it's trivial isn't it? Fine, I don't need any tea, just get me the book.?

?Which book, miss??

?The Book of All Magic!?

?Miss, I for one hate repeating myself, because I found it very unprofitable and unnecessary, however, as I enquired earlier, which book??

?The Book of All Magic, of course!?

?Ha ha, miss, look, I don't like the idea of standing all day talking with a human being that can't use her temporal lobe to a civilised extent. Let me ask you this same question in the same way: Which book?? Stephen moved his hand to a book as he's speaking, as if he's trying to talk to a deaf man. Patchouli couldn't take it anymore, she jumped at Stephen and grabbed his necktie:


?Calm down, miss, seriously, behave. As for your strangely high-pitchedly voiced question, the answer is certainly, yes. We have the original, the new edition, the limited edition, the children edition and the adult edition. So, which one do you like??

?What are the differences??

?The covers, the font and the rather explicit illustrations between the pages. Collectors want it like that.?

?Collectors...? Anyway, I just want to buy the original, please.?

?Oh, I admittedly must say the original belongs to the Royalty. So unless you are a princess, or at least have something to convince me that you're from a royal family, then I'll give it to you.?

?What, can't I just pay for the thing?? Flandre moaned, she got very tired after the conversation.

?There are rules, and there are rules, miss. I have a bent nose but I'd not bend myself to get things easier. It's very, I say, very dangerous, excitingly, but dangerous.? Stephen smiled.

?Ok, what do we need to convince you... Flan, what are the other relics you have to find??

Flandre took out the note and read it for the two. The next relic is...

?The Crown of the Prince of Wales.?

?Brilliant, that'll no doubt get me to the library and take the book for you surely. Will you fetch the crown then, or perhaps, a cup of tea first??

?Oh bugger off you old fart. Just wait here until we come back!? Patchouli dragged Flandre out of the store, angrily. Stephen watched the girls as they walked away and sighed.

?Strange girls.? he said.