Shoot the Moon

[capt. h]

Day 4, 10:05 PM

Rika and Nitori were commissioned by Eientei before, but rarely has it ever been on this short notice, nor this late. Normally, a lunar rabbit would request their presence at Eientei, and Kaguya would order a tank or some other weapon to fend off Mokou with. But this time, Eientei sent over Eirin herself to commission the hardware.

?Hello Eirin, what a surprise,? Rika answered.

?I?m here to place an order on behalf of Eientei. We?re requesting three tanks, flower model.?

?And you couldn?t have waited until morning, could you??

?Don?t mind her,? Nitori cut in, ?that?ll be two weeks and 10,000.?

?You have 24 hours and 20,000.?

?What!?? Rika had never been on this short a schedule before, ?What do you expect me to build in a day??

?Yeah, that isn?t much time.?

?Well, we have a bit of an emergency at Eientei.?

 ?Sorry, can?t help you.?

?What kind of kappa refuses a challenge??

?I?m not a kappa.?

?That?s no excuse for such unkappa-like behavior.?

?It?s a perfectly justified reason for unkappa-like behavior.?

?Excuse me,? Eirin cut in, ?Can you do it or not??

?Rika has a couple of that model in her personal collection. We could probably get you two within the day,?

?You can?t sell my tanks.?

?We could always build the tanks from scratch.?

?Fine. I have two flower tanks in storage. But it?ll still cost 20,000 for the pair, since I happen to like those tanks.?

?I?d also like a Sigma.?

?That one will be difficult. 100,000 for one, and it won?t be done for ten days minimum,? Rika said.

?I?m sure we can reduce it to seven.?

?Stop making more work for us. Ten days is already pretty generous, and I don?t like overtime.?

?If we can do it faster, then we should.?

?Can you do it in five days??

?Sure!?

?No!?

?Come on, you know we can do it if we don?t sleep! Worst comes to worst, we can sell yours.?

?You are not selling my Sigma.?

?Then it looks like five days will be plenty!?

?Alright, alright, but it?ll be 120,000 for making me work overtime.?

 ?Anything else?? Nitori added.

?Not that we have the time to do it.?

?No, that should be everything.?

?Then thank you for shopping at Rika and Nitori?s garage!?

[capt. h]

Author's notes:

@ Sect and GuyYouMetOnline - Thanks, it was important it was that you told me that.

@ Kyoukaishi - Thank you as well; Remilia wouldn't have nearly as much dialogue had you not told me it would be interesting

@ Everyone - Feel free to comment. Telling me what you look forward helps a lot; if I didn't know there were Remilia fans, I wouldn't have thought as much about her lines. Telling me which sections are really good, what you look forward to, and where I miss the point of my own story is important.

On with the Story!


________________________________________


Day 4, 11:00 PM


“I have something special planned for today,” Remilia explained to her sister, a little girl with wings of crystal and metal. The two were in the observatory at the top of the mansion. “In the woods are a bunch of men we need to find.”

“What do men look like?”

“You’ve seen men before.”

“I don’t think so…”

“Hm… Well a man is a lot like a woman, except they have flatter chests.”

“Even flatter that yours?”

“Look, Flan, that’s not the point. There are a bunch of people in the woods. And you can play with them.”

“Yay!” Flandre squealed as she started to fly off.

“Wait! You can only play with the ones wearing green helmets! Got that? Green helmets!”

“O.K.!” Flandre yelled, speeding away.

“Are you sure that’s alright?” Sakuya and a pot of tea popped in out of nowhere, quite literally since time manipulation was her speciality.

“Perhaps not, but she’ll be fine.”

“As long as fate is on her side.”

“It will be. I set the fate of those men to be filled with horror. At night, the Scarlet devils will fill the air with the screams of men. During the day, you, Pachouli, and the maids will utterly crush them. They will cry for their mothers at the mere mention of our house. Even their children’s children dare not so much as whisper the name Scarlet, as it ascends through the passage of time to become legend! All shall know the name Scarlet, and despair!” and Remilia gazed at the heavens, arms outstretched, maniacally laughing as though the whole world was nothing more than a mere plaything in the vampire’s hands.

“Would you like a lemon slice in your tea?”

Quickly regaining her usual demeanor, Remilia said, “Thanks for ruining it. And where’s Patchy with the lightning effects?”

“You have her making spell cards.”

“Ah, well next time then. Want to watch Flan play?”

“Sure.”

And with that, the sound of grown men crying for their mommies pierced the night.

[GuyYouMetOnline]

Looks like Remilia enjoys hamming it up. Now, I don't suppose we could get some more Mokou next?

[capt. h]

Mokou is in the third post down from here.


On with the story!
____________________

Day 5, 2:50 AM


?I?m a little worried about Flandre??

?She?s tough mistress.?

?I know, but she rarely ever gets out, and there hasn?t been any screaming for nearly an hour. She could have been hurt.?

?Shall we go look for her??

?Yes, we shall.?

Remilia and Sakuya flew low through the woods. Remilia used her natural born abilities as a vampire, a professional hunter of men by nature to track down Flandre. After a while of searching, she heard a faint tingle similar to the one Flandre?s wings make, and the pair tracked the source down.

?Hi sis!?

The pair were greeted to Flandre playing cards with several men, all of whom looked terrified and most of which had already lost their shirts in poker.

?We were about to enter the hand where they bet their lives.?

?I think you?ve played enough for one night. Time to go home.?

?Aw, but I had four of a kind.?

?Why aren?t you playing danmaku??

?It?s boring. Sure the first hundred were fun, but they never put up any challenge,?

?Well come on then, I think you?ve had enough fun tonight.?

?Fine.?

?And as for you?? Remilia said, facing the men, ?Tell your superiors of our house so that none may ever attack my servants again. An assault on one of us is an assault on all, and will be met with death and despair.?

?We?re just following orders.?

?Orders? Ha! Do you not value your lives at all??

?We value our country more.?

?Brave words, mortal, to speak to a vampire.?

Remilia then picked up Flandres winnings.

?You can have your clothes, but we?ll be taking everything else. Tell your masters to never bother the Scarlet Devil Mansion again, or they shall know true fear.?

?Also feel free to drop by for tea.?

?Sakuya, we don?t offer tea to the enemy.?

?We offer it to the shrine maiden and the witch.? Sakuya said, beginning the flight back to the mansion.

?That?s different.? Remilia responded, also taking flight.

?How so??

?It just is.?

And the bickering continued like that as they flew back to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Once they were out of earshot, however, the soldiers began talking.

?Do we still have the radio??

?Yes sir.?

?Good. Command: we?ve discovered the coordinates of the hostile?s primary base of operations.?

[capt. h]

Day 5, 3:00 PM


Alice Margatroid had received an invitation to the Scarlet Devil Mansion a week ago. She was somewhat surprised to see the gate guard missing. She was somewhat more surprised to see the mansion?s roof was missing. Walking up the cracked steps, she knocked at the front door, noting that she could probably have simply walked through the ruined wall to her left just as easily.

?Ah, hello Alice. We?re a little busy at the moment, so could you come back later??

?What happened here??

?We had a run in with some people from the outside world, so if you don?t mind it isn?t safe here.?

Then Sakuya looked to the sky, noting some airplanes approaching from the distance.

?Come in. Now.?

?What??

?Hurry,? Sakuya said, grabbing Alice?s arm and rushing her to the library.

?This isn?t like you at all.?

?If you want to live, you?ll stay in the library and keep your head down.?

Sakuya nearly threw Alice through the library?s main entrance. The room was one of the few with its roof mostly intact, due to strong magical reinforcements designed to keep Marisa out.

?Air raid!? Sakuya yelled into the room, before closing the door.

?Hello Alice,? Patchouli grumbled from behind a pile of books at the far end of the library, amongst rows of maids quickly designing spell cards, preparing for battle, bustling to and fro and getting in each other?s way.

?What on earth is going on here?? a ruffled Alice yelled, making her way to Patchy?s desk.

?We went to war.?

?And you didn?t tell me??

?It was short notice. I?m sorry about this, but I have to be outside. The enemy is about to drop lots of bombs from the sky, and every bomb I fail to stop makes a bigger hole in the house.?

?But-?

However, Patchouli had already left, leaving Alice alone with about a hundred loud, uncoordinated fairly maids.

?Sorry about not retracting the invitation, there just wasn?t time,? a red-headed demon with two pairs of bat wings, one set where her ears should be, added. ?Tea??

?Um, sure.?

?You, third row, fetch us each some tea. Earl Grey, with two lemon slices, cream, and two tablespoons of sugar.?

?Yes ma?am!? the fairy maid responded.

?Right now we?re preparing some special spell cards.? The demon Koakuma explained. ?I?d be with Patchy myself, but unless these idiots are constantly attended, they have a tendency to blow themselves up.?

?Ah, now seems to be a bad time, perhaps I?ll take my leave.?

?You?re not going anywhere until the outsiders finish bombing the house.?

?And why not?? 

?Well, the outsiders aren?t terribly accurate. Leave now and you?ll be a red bloodstained crater. This library is a magically fortified bunker, making it the safest place for miles.?

?Well, might as well make the best of it,? Alice responded, taking her cup from the returning fairy maid. She took a sip, then the ground rumbled causing it to spill all over her dress.

?Ah, the bombing has started. You may want to get down.? Koakuma said nonchalantly. Alice, taking Koa?s advice stayed low as the rumblings continued. About five minutes into it, a particularly loud noise shook the library itself.

?I thought you said we were safe!?

?No, I said that everywhere else was more dangerous.?

?Well that?s just so comforting,? Alice?s sarcasm audible even through the screaming of fairy maids and the roar of? a master spark?

?Marisa! What are you doing? Get down now!? Alice yelled.

?Just here to borrow a few books!?

?Now is really not the time for your games.?

?Whenever Patchy leaves the library is a perfect time to borrow!?

 ?If you don?t want to die,? Koakuma stared at Marisa murderously, grabbing around twenty of the spell cards the maids of the household were working on, ?Then I suggest you keep your head down until Patchouli finishes up outside.?

?Aw, lighten up Koa, Patchy?s never minded much before.?

?Patchy isn?t here. Grenade.? Koakuma then threw all the spell cards at Marisa. Marisa flew backwards in time to see all the cards blow up much more violently than normal spell cards would have.

?Hey, what?s the big idea? You could have killed me!?

?This isn?t a game anymore Marisa. Now either stay out of the way, or I won?t miss.?

?Pity. The forest of magic will be somewhat lonely without her.?

?I?m just here to borrow some books??

?And I?m sure you?ll return them when you die.?

Then, Koakuma reached for a hundred of the spell cards from before. Marisa, only her because of her kleptomania, left as fast as her broom could take her, grabbing books at random on the way out.

?Knowing her, she?ll treat this like an incident,? Alice said.

?She?ll get herself killed if she gets involved. If you like her, you should probably keep her inside for the next few days.?

?She can take care of herself.?

?Suit yourself.?

Patchouli re-entered the library, somewhat singed.

?I think,? Patchouli wheezed, ?I missed one.?

?No, that was Marisa.?

?I seem to have underestimated her master spark,? Patchouli finished, before collapsing. Sakuya helped her up.

?That?s it, you are going to Eientei. No excuses.?

??Is it safe to go?? Alice asked.

?Ah?? Sakuya reacted. ?Oh, yes, it is. Well, it was nice meeting you Alice. Same time next week??

?Depends. That was? interesting.?

?And make sure you fly on the way home. Don?t walk.?

?Why??

?Because we stuffed the woods full of landmines.?

?What were you thinking? What if I stepped on one coming here??

?Well then, it?s a good thing you flew.?

?I really don?t care what you do when I?m not around,? Alice, began, ?but next time you wage a war, tell me before I get here.?

[capt. h]

Day 5, 4:00 PM


?Of the residents of Eientei there are four you want to watch out for,? Mokou explained.

?First is Tewi Inaba. She leads all the other rabbits at Eientei. She isn?t strong, but she?s the tricky and can manipulate luck itself to get out of anything.?

?Luck can?t be manipulated.?

?Fine. But if a lot of unlikely events happen, just assume she?s nearby and don?t worry too much about how it works.?

?Next is Reisen Inaba. She?s a moon rabbit, with power over lunacy. If she looks into your eyes, you?ll go mad.?

?When you say a moon rabbit,?

?It?s a rabbit from the moon. Look, I know you don?t get the whole magic thing, but trust me, if you don?t think too much about it you?ll be fine.?

?Now, the third person is princess herself, Kaguya. She?s as immortal as I am, though not quite as durable and she uses magical artifacts instead of fire like me. That trick you used on us, when you threw fire at us from the sky-?

?you mean napalm?

?-yeah, that; it won?t work a second time due to her Salamander shield. She can also do some odd things with time.  Her power is ?manipulation of eternity and the moment?, and her power was essential in creating the Hourai elixir.?

?You mean the??

?The cure for death. When you meet her, could you kill her a few times for me??

?Probably not.?

?Ah well. At least you?ll embarrass her and do some damage to Eientei. Now last, and most dangerous of all, is Eirin. She?s the brains behind the group. I don?t know what her power is or if she has one, but she has studied chemistry for centuries, and designs the chemical weapons of Eientei. Her chemicals range from melting faces to burning you skin to giving you sweet dreams. The face melting one hurts a lot, so you?ll want to avoid it. In addition to supplying the rabbits at Eientei, she-?

?Now hold on, when you say rabbits, what are you talking about??

?The girls with the bunny ears around Eientei. They?re youkai rabbits, but that?s not the point. The point is that in addition to arming them, Eirin keeps her best weapons for herself. She is familiar with outside world weaponry, and on special occasions she?ll even get a couple tanks.?

?While there are many things about that which make no sense??

?Well, some of our outsiders do consider common sense a liability after a while.?

?I have to ask, why are you helping us??

?I?d say an old grudge, but it?s been a thousand years. It might be that I like killing princess, and she likes killing me. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.?

[GuyYouMetOnline]

Common sense is definitely a liability in Gensokyo.

Do you plan to bring anyone from MoF or UFO (or PCB) into this(especially UFO, because I can only imagine that throwing a shapeshifter(Nue, of course) into this would result in fun)?

[Kasu]

This keeps getting better and better. :3

[Kips McKipzerson]

Actually really good, though I started on this page. I mgiht wanna read back a bit though. :/

[Serena]

You can't let yourself get trapped by common sense in Gensokyo!  GET OUT OF MY HEAD SANAE.

*Ahem*  Anyway...

throwing a shapeshifter(Nue, of course) into this would result in fun)

Oh god yes  :getdown:

Looking forward to the whole Eientei attack thing, improbable happenings on Tewi's part are always potentially fun.

[capt. h]

Day 5, 4:15 PM
Keine didn?t want to admit it, but there was no longer any choice. Reimu was not going to solve this incident any time soon, and she was tired. Days went by, and if she fell asleep, the history of the human village would cease to be concealed. But if she left the village for help, she wouldn?t be able to continue concealing the village either. She had to evacuate. The village elder would not be happy.

But more importantly, where would the villagers go? The Scarlets thought of them as a food source, and she wouldn?t blame the villagers for choosing to stay rather than enter the former hell. That left eientei and the Youkai Mountain, the former generally uninterested in being of service and the latter being much too dangerous unless Kanako, the mountain goddess herself, granted safe passage.

It?s a pity Mokou wasn?t around, and that Byakuren?s temple wasn?t just a little bit closer to the village. Both of them would be immensely helpful in this situation. Keine, deep in the muddled thoughts of a woman who hadn?t slept for days, got herself a cup of coffee. She turned back and saw a red eye and a blue eye looking back, two inches from her face.

?Boo!?

?Yaaaaah!?

?Did I surprise you??

?Yes, yes you did Kogasa. I?m actually more surprised you got in here at all, considering I concealed the history.?

?Exactly. I can do it because it would surprise you. I am the youkai of surprises after all!?

?You know, it would surprise me if you could find a safe haven for all the villagers.?

?It probably would.?

?And it would really surprise everyone if you got us there safely by the end of the night.?

?And it would really surprise you if I ravaged you afterwards and sent the pictures to Bunbunmaru.?

?What??

?Kidding. I?m scheduled to ravage Yukari tonight.?

?She?ll kill you.?

?That?s the best part; no one expects me to live against Yukari so I?ll make it out for sure!?

?Anyway, can you help us??

?Oh definitely, as long as you don?t expect me to succeed.?

?And, are you really going to, well, you know??

?Oh don?t worry, you?ll get you turn. I?ll even bring a bucket youkai!?

?Now I know you can?t be serious.?

[GuyYouMetOnline]

Hey, good to see you've still got this going. And add Kogasa to the list of hillarious characters in this.

[capt. h]

Day 5 5:15 PM

?We?re going to save the humans.?

A man in a fedora named Nue Houjuu nearly choked on his cigar. ?What??

?We are going to save all the humans.?

?You mean those soldiers??

?No, the human villagers!?

?What??

?There is a village that has no history. It only exists to people who know it exists. You used to know it existed, but then a school teacher consumed the village?s history to protect it from all the soldiers. Now she?s about to fall asleep, revealing the history. We?re going to save it.?

The man gave a long glare to Kogasa Tatara. It was like the man was staring into the little youkai?s soul. What he saw he must have thought was true, for he asked, ?So, do you have a plan??

?Nope!?

The man sighed. ?I?ll get Byakuren,? he said in a low gravelly voice. ?You go get Kanako?s blessing.?

?Then the Youkai Mountain it is. It seems a little dangerous; they are only humans.?

?You know as well as I the old lady won?t pass up an opportunity for this much faith,? Nue continued, the smoke from his cigar wafting through the road, ?and Byakuren?s the best in the business. The hard part is convincing Byakuren that the human village exists.?

?You can always lie.?

?Sometimes you lie because the other person won?t believe you. But with a story this ridiculous, you know it has to be true. At least, you wouldn?t make this story up.? The man said, pointing his cigar at Kogasa. ?And I?m too good at lying to try this story. So Byakuren will probably know it?s true.?

?Really??

?Nah, I?ll just tell her there are some youkai in need. Only tell the truth as a last resort.?

[GuyYouMetOnline]

What the hell is Nue doing as a man? Seriously, why would she do that? That's just... something.

[Serena]

What the hell is Nue doing as a man?

Hiding her form? It's kinda what she does.

And nice logic there Kogasa  :3

[GuyYouMetOnline]

Yeah, but why a man? Why not look like some random woman?

[Kasu]

Yeah, but why a man? Why not look like some random woman?

Because she was trying to pull off the 'hard-boiled detective' look. :3

[Whatthe]

Because she was trying to pull off the 'hard-boiled detective' look. :3

Say, it never is stated where those two are...maybe they really are in a black-and-white film noir office :V

[Serena]

Say, it never is stated where those two are...maybe they really are in a black-and-white film noir office :V

I'm now seeing this quite differently...

[capt. h]

Day 5, 5:37 PM

?Miss Byakuren! Miss Byakuren!?

A small blond youkai in black pounded on the doors to Byakuren?s temple. It was more of an ark than a temple, and it once sailed the skies. The doorway jostled open.

?What is it Rumia?? a purple haired, tall woman with brown highlights answered with a soft, motherly tone.

?Some mean men hurt my friends and they?re taking them away and I don?t know what do to! Help them! Please!? The little girls sobbed, tears running down her face in torrents.

?And where would these friends be, Nue??

?Down the road in that spot where nothing has ever happened and what gave me away??

?I?m sure that?s exactly how Rumia acts towards you, but unfortunately, I haven?t gotten her to see the light. She still seems to think I?m food,? Byakuren chuckled.  ?Not what is this all about??

Nue sighed, and redefined herself into a detective from the 40?s, complete with trench coat, fedora, and cigar. She continued with the gravelly voice she used before, ?A little birdie told me something big is going down. A meeting of minds to take down the alliances you?ve formed between youkai and humans. They?re tight-lipped about the meeting spot, but you?ve got the best rat in the business.?

?I?m a mouse!? a voice squeaked from behind a nearby doorway.

?You can come out now,? Nue said, and a small, grey haired youkai crept out from behind the door. ?It?s not good to eavesdrop. You could hear things that?ll get you in trouble.?

?It?s not very polite to listen in,? Byakuren scolded. ?Now wait in your quarters until I?m finished.?

?Don?t be too hard on the dame, she wasn?t alone.?

With that, a great deal of thumping and banging came from around the room, as multiple disciples of Byakuren Hijiri scampered away.

?Good kids,? Nue said. ? Just a bit too curious if you ask me.?

?They did rescue me, over a thousand years after I was sealed.?

?There was once this dame. Greek, I think. Opened up a box full of troubles on the world. Name?s Pandora. Had a lot in common with your friends.?

?They?re good youkai. And they don?t lie to me every time they want a favor.?

?Fine!? Nue fumed, taking the form of a blacked haired girl with asymmetric wings. ?Kogasa told me that a woman in a human village made it look like the human village never existed to protect it. Now the woman is about to fall asleep, which will reveal the human village?s history, and those soldiers will enter the village. And Kogasa thinks that?s a bad thing, and wants to bring all the humans up Youkai Mountain, and is getting the blessing of the mountain god Kanako.?

?There. Was that so hard?? Nue was red in the face and clenching her fists in a response Byakuren was either oblivious to or chose to ignore. ?Now let?s go see this village. Where is it??

?It?s hard to say, since nothing we would remember during the spell has ever happened there. Kogasa says it?s down the road in the currently nameless area that?s between all the well known places like the Scarlet Devil Mansion and the Hakurei shrine. It?s in a place where a village would be really convenient.?

?I?d think this Kogasa would have made a better guide.?

?Maybe, but I wasn?t going to be the one climbing Youkai Mountain.?

[Smallfry]

Sneaky little devil, Nue is.

[capt. h]

Day 5, 6:00 PM

Rika and Nitori were each in a outside their garage. Nitori was scanning the horizon with her binoculars, with a great deal of attention to whatever it was she was tracking. Rika sat with a checklist, checking off items one by one.

?Tanks loaded, fueled, and the weapons systems are good. All that?s left is to calibrate the artillery.? Rika reported.

?And I found our target  fifteen minutes ago ago,? Nitori said, passing the binoculars. ?See that blue haired youkai with the umbrella way down stream, near that curse goddess?s domain??

?It looks like a kappa. We don?t need any more trouble from Kanako.?

?It?s not a kappa or a tengu.?

?Then it?s an intruder,? Rika said matter-of-factly. After all, the only residents of the mountain with blue hair were all kappa, tengu, or so few in number Rika knew them personally. She aimed the cannon of her tank down the mountain, giving it a bit of arc to compensate for the distance from her target.

?I love calibrating these things.? Nitori said.

?Me too.?

[capt. h]

Day 5, 5:57 PM

Kagiyama Hina was a curse goddess. However, she didn’t curse people. Rather, she sustained herself on the curses of others, robbing them of their curses for personal gain. She feeds on misfortune, leaving none left for her victims, in much the same manner Kogasa feeds on surprise and Rumia feeds on children. And darkness. Mostly darkness in fact, children struggle too much whenever Rumia started nibbling on their noggins.

Unfortunately for Hina, her feeding habits differed from Rumia. People actually wanted her to feed off of them. This was always a cause for concern for Hina, which is why she tries to make herself dark and forboding, wearing gothic clothing and surrounding herself with gloom. The whole problem of wanting to take away misfortune always screwed it up for Hina anyway, so her appearance was mostly aesthetic. She knew as she saw the umbrella wielding youkai climbing the mountain that she would have to take away this youkai’s misfortune as well.

“Hello there!” Hina yelled. “It’s dangerous to climb Youkai Mountain. Bad things happen to people who climb.”

“Bad things will happen to me if I don’t climb,” Kogasa responded.

“My, you are plagued with misfortune…” Hina said, especially emphasizing just how plagued Kogasa was. The smell of Kogasa’s curses and bad luck made Hina’s mouth water, and her stomach complained that she was taking too long.

“I’m kind of in a hurry lady.”

“As a goddess of misfortune, I can take all your bad luck away.”

“Thanks, but I really don’t have time,” Kogasa rushed by, taking a glance at Hina’s dress. “Say, nice clothes. Do you go to Hot Top-”

A loud boom interrupted, and there was a crater a mere inches from where Kogasa was standing.

“What were you saying about time?” Hina asked.

“Fine! Fine! Take my misfortune!”

[ray10k]

I just read this today, and I just had to laugh at almost every post.
personal favorite: Mouko's "dissection".

[capt. h]

Day 5, 6:03 PM

?You missed.?  Nitori said.

?Your turn.? Rika responded.

Nitori lined up the sight on her tank and fired. The shell exploded out of her tank, and screaming was heard for miles. Nitori brought her binoculars to her face. She saw a crater where her target was just a moment ago.

?Think it?s calibrated well enough??

?If it was calibrated well enough, the target wouldn?t have screamed,? Rika said. ?There wouldn?t have been enough of the target to say anything at all."

?True,? Nitori said, adjusting the cannon?s sights.

?Second test. Pass me the binoculars.? Rika said.

?Is our little test subject still alive??

?Worse than that.? Rika brought her hand to her face and sighed. ?Lady Luck seems to have taken a liking to her.?

?Can we shoot her anyway?? Nitori asked with mild annoyance.

?No, we have a deal.?

?All we get out of that deal is target practice and a little luck, while she gets a free dinner.?

?You should never underestimate a little luck, Nitori. Especially when the situation calls for tanks.?

?You say every situation calls for tanks.?

?That?s because they do.? Rika rebuked.

?Yes. Flandre Scarlet really needed that tank for her birthday.?

?Little kids love tanks! It was a wonderful present, much better than that optical camouflage you gave her.?

?It was not that bad, Rika.?

?She went missing for a week! The death count still hasn?t been tallied!?

?At least she didn?t blow up Misty Lake with my gift!?

As the argument continued, neither Rika nor Nitori were aware of the crow youkai sitting in the trees above, taking notes and pictures.

[capt. h]

Day 5, 6:30 PM

A crow youkai called a tengu sat in a tree listening and taking notes. She wasn?t a very popular crow.  In fact, she was only alive today because no one she wrote articles about was fast enough to catch her. And today she had a story.

Rika and Nitori should have known better than to say anything incriminating in front of tengu, they love gossip. However, the Flandre Scarlet Birthday Party incident was old news, and the gossip was done. But that didn?t stop the tengu Aya Shameimaru. She was many things when it came to reporting, most of them bad. Her articles always came out months after the events they describe. They also came out far more scandalous than even the gossipers could imagine. Aya managed to make Byakuren?s temple out to be a brothel, endorsed going to Hell, wrote an article demanding the residents of Gensokyo surrender before their new oni overlords, and had included some very questionable pictures of a wolf tengu named Momiji bathing. All things considered, that had been a boring edition, and Aya really needed to step up her game if she wanted the juicy stories her subscribers loved. And she knew where to get her stories this month.

?Hello Nitori and Rika!? Aya said, dropping down on the two. ?Could I get an interview about how you turned Flandre into an invisible tank wielding psychopath??

?No!? Rika and Nitori said in unison. They knew Aya, and they knew saying anything to her was worse than leaving her to her own imagination.

?Rika and Nitori?s garage bribed by Scarlet Devil Mansion to cover up Flandre?s invisible rampage,? Aya said aloud while jotting lines of notes.

?Don?t you have a war to cover?? Nitori asked.

?A what?? Aya asked.

?A war.? Rika finished. ?Half of Gensokyo is fighting with an army from the outside world.?

? The two engineers lie about war and genocide to get out of blame for the Flandre Scarlet incident.?

?Did you know that absolutely nothing is happening at Eientei right now?? Rika asked.

?Royalty at Eientei decides to make Gensokyo a monarchy, wages war against everyone in the country.? Aya said, furiously scribbling. ?Did you say ?nothing? is happening or ?absolutely nothing? is happening??

?Absolutely nothing.? Rika answered.

?It?s worse than I thought,? Aya said, and rushed towards Eientei while scribbling notes. ?Kaguya?s troops currently climbing Youkai Mountain. Will have taken the summit by sunset.?

?Nice trick,? Nitori said.

?Only she?ll probably say we?re Kaguya sympathizers.? Rika said.

?Knowing her, she?ll say we masterminded the invasion.?

[capt. h]

Day 5, 8:00 PM

Hina had decided to tag along with Kogasa. Kogasa was not very thrilled about it, but very few youkai are brave enough to turn down the offer of a god of misfortune, especially after said god gave them a near death experience.

It was an uneventful but uncomfortable trip. The pair passed no one at all. The residents of youkai mountain somewhat feared Hina; although she rid youkai of misfortune she could also manipulate it. She was also a somewhat creepy individual; she wore mostly black and loved to talk about plagues and torture. Hina had a lot to say about those topics, long past most youkai?s ability to retain their lunch.

?The rack was always much better for information,? Hina explained. ?You weren?t going to accidentally kill anyone using the rack. The most you could do with the first couple twists is dislocate a few limbs. Very slow, and very painful.?

?That?s nice?? Kogasa winced. She had lost her lunch over an hour ago, though Hina hadn?t seemed to care. Hina was good at one-sided conversations.

?But when you?re done, those things are effective. Spin the wheel far enough and the bodies will rip in two. It?s a pity there weren?t more racks large enough.?

?I think I understand, Hina.?

?Youkai seem to handle the rack better than humans. The one?s I?ve seen can stretch far longer before they start??

?I get it!? Kogasa yelled, covering her ears.

?It?s an all around better torture device than the iron maiden, in spite of the other?s aesthetic appeal. I think the only reason anyone has an interest in the latter is because of appearances.?

?Halt!? A white haired wolf tengu appeared before the pair. She was not very imposing. Her voice wavered, and she could barely hold her sword still. ?You are intruding upon the realm of the tengu. Please leave peacefully or I?ll have to?? the wolf tengu gulped. ?I?ll have forcibly remove you.?

?Kogasa, this is Momiji,? Hina said. ?Momiji, meet Kogasa.?

?Hello Momiji,? Kogasa said. The umbrella youkai was still a bit green and her voice cracked.

?Hina, we don?t really like visitors.?

?Feeling lucky today?? Hina asked the wolf.

?No?? the tengu said, drooping her ears. ?Well, make sure she doesn?t get into trouble.?

?It won?t be a problem,? Hina said.

?Good.? Momiji raced away from the curse goddess, leaving Kogasa alone with her again.

?What was that about?? Kogasa asked.

?Oh nothing,? Hina responded. ?She probably heard the myths about me from the old days.?

?You shouldn?t be judged because of some silly superstitions.?

?I said myths, not superstitions.? Hina corrected with a note of sentimentality. ?I dealt a lot of misfortune in my younger years. Plagues, famines, I even invented a couple of the old torture devices. Ah, the good old days.?

An awkward pause occurred between the two. Kogasa was left speechless, and Hina paused to reminisce. It was Hina that broke the silence. ?Back then, spikes were all the rage. No torture was complete unless someone got cut open. They even added spikes to the rack, so that the victim??

 Kogasa tried to ignore Hina for the rest of the trip. First she paid her attention to the nearly set sun, and the shadows it cast across the mountain. Then when no more light was left, she looked up at the stars and constellations. But nothing she did could quite distract her from Hina?s vivid depictions of disembowelment in the 16th century.

[capt. h]

Day 5, 10:00 PM

“And in the last phase of the quartering, the executioner would burn the chunks while you watched.”

“That’s… interesting, Hina.”

“It looks like we’re here.” Hina said. “Good luck!”

“Aren’t you going to come with me?” This was the first part of the trip at which Kogasa actually wanted Hina to tag along.

“Oh no,” Hina said. “The god here doesn’t like me accompanying visitors during the introductions. She says it ruins the mood.”

“But I-”

“Don’t worry,” Hina said, cutting off Kogasa. “You probably won’t die. It would be bad for faith. Now good luck!”

Hina waved as Kogasa slowly approached the shrine. It was dark, large, and imposing. A thick fog wafted over the ancient temple walls, in which something sinister must have lurked, and a cold chill ran down Kogasa’s spine.

“Who approaches my shrine.” A loud, deep voice commanded, shaking the shrine itself.

“M-my name is Kogasa…” The little umbrella youkai stuttered, as she hid under the brim of her parasol. The umbrella itself was shaking in fear.

“And what is your business with me.” Two huge glowing eyes appeared in the fog above Kogasa, accompanied by the rumble of thunder. Kogasa retreated further, holding her umbrella like a shield so that only eyes were visible as she peaked over the brim of her umbrella.

“I-I’m here to a-ask for your blessing.” The little youkai continued, backing up.

The voice boomed “Stay!”

“Yes Ma’am!”

“Why should I give you my blessing?” The god demanded. Kogasa’s trembled. She wanted to just run away, but her legs wouldn’t listen. She closed her eyes, and spat out,

“There is a village down the mountain that’s about to be overrun and they’re all hiding but the spell is about to break and we really need your help and please don’t kill me.”

“You should know better than to turn to a god of war to stop a war.” The voice pounded as thunder cracked the sky.

“But think of all the faith!” Kogasa heard a little girl’s voice this time, just as loud but not nearly as menacing.

“Suwako, give me back the mike! You’re ruining it!”

“We always welcome potential new followers!”

“No, don’t knock that over!”

One of the glowing eyes in the fog fell down as the sound of glass and metal crashing resonated through the shrine.

“Where was I?” the voice echoed. “Oh, right. You should know better than to turn to a god of war – Suwako, what are you doing?”

A little girl exited the front of the shrine, wearing a straw huge hat with eyes. The little girl said “Come in, come in, visitors are always welcome.” as she dragged the trembling and very confused Kogasa into the shrine.

“Please ignore the little girl in front of you.” The voice said. “I am the scary and intimidating god of war. Tremble before me in fear and- Hey! Stop that! Don’t bring her in here!”

The loudspeaker continued “And this is Kanako.”

“Ignore the beautiful and wonderful goddess behind the curtain!” It boomed.

“She’s the goddess here.”

“Sanae, turn this thing off!”

[Smallfry]

I just love how Kanako tries to be all imposing and there's Suwako who just wants faith xD