Author Topic: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!  (Read 28939 times)

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 8 Is Up!
« Reply #30 on: October 01, 2010, 05:34:39 PM »
Hm...  Is Aya suffering from Banality?  Figured Yukari would have mentioned that though.

Yep.
Quote from: Chapter 1
?The outside world is fine in small doses,? Yukari Yakumo had told Aya back then, during an interview about her encounters outside the border. ?But I could never live there. It's just too boring.?

And I somehow see this zoo trip ending oddly.  Which should probably be expected given the participants.

The zoo's an odd place. I've never really enjoyed going there. Can't say I know why.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Dan-Heron

  • Evil Chibi-Dan -doesn't bite-
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 8 Is Up!
« Reply #31 on: October 02, 2010, 11:43:03 PM »
ah, once again great job with Aya's first impressions.

Her sudden illness is pretty interesting. Wondering how it's going to play seeing as Aya has learned to "deal" with it.

Anything that relieves the boredom must be a blessing for Aya at this point.
so much evil it's poisonously healthy!

Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 9 Is Up!
« Reply #32 on: October 05, 2010, 09:18:00 AM »
http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/10/sound-of-city-chapter-9.html

Aya goes to the zoo, and the break she was looking for finally comes her way.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Alfred F. Jones

  • Estamos orgullosos del Batall?n Lincoln
  • *
  • y de la lucha que hizo por Madrid
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 9 Is Up!
« Reply #33 on: October 05, 2010, 04:31:54 PM »
?Ha, no. Decided to be natural. Just regular brown eyes.?

Oh man, this made me laugh back when I read it and it makes me laugh now.

Iced Fairy

  • So like if you try to hurt alkaza
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  • I will set you on fire k'?
    • Daisukima Dan Blog
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 9 Is Up!
« Reply #34 on: October 05, 2010, 09:34:00 PM »
Hm. Mistakes were made on Koji's part.  Though I can't say I'm too surprised.

I am surprised at the scoop.  I wonder what Aya's plan is, and how stupid it would be if she couldn't dodge bullets....

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 9 Is Up!
« Reply #35 on: October 05, 2010, 11:40:38 PM »
Not being able to dodge a single line of fire, yeah - that'd be pretty atypical. Hopefully won't meet anyone who fires curving ammunition at her.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Dan-Heron

  • Evil Chibi-Dan -doesn't bite-
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 9 Is Up!
« Reply #36 on: October 06, 2010, 05:57:26 AM »
great, now I think of Shou as a yakuza doing her criminal things while Aya tries to get the scoop
so much evil it's poisonously healthy!

Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

Alfred F. Jones

  • Estamos orgullosos del Batall?n Lincoln
  • *
  • y de la lucha que hizo por Madrid
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 9 Is Up!
« Reply #37 on: October 06, 2010, 06:16:00 AM »
It is the Palanquin Ship, after all.

Crime Lord Byakuren? Now there's an idea.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 10 Is Up!
« Reply #38 on: October 06, 2010, 11:53:45 AM »
http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/10/sound-of-city-chapter-10.html

A major story is broken, but will fences be mended?

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 10 Is Up!
« Reply #39 on: October 06, 2010, 04:17:17 PM »
It brought a smile to my face.
I have...a terrible need...shall I say the word?...of religion. Then I go out at night and paint the stars.

Esifex

  • Though the sun may set
  • *
  • It shall rise again
Re: The Sound of the City: Chapter 10 Is Up!
« Reply #40 on: October 06, 2010, 04:33:10 PM »
Koji mentioning the harbor and the great view you get of it, combined with the fact that that's twice now that Aya has flown while potentially in sight of him, makes me wonder now.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #41 on: October 07, 2010, 02:51:59 PM »
http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/10/sound-of-city-chapter-11.html

So here it is.

I don't know why it took me so long to finish this story. Maybe because I didn't want it to end. Posting the final chapter gives me a bittersweet feeling even now.

It's meant a lot to me to have you guys for an audience. Thanks for reading this piece with me. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask; I'd be more than happy to discuss anything in or about this story.

Thanks again, and enjoy.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Esifex

  • Though the sun may set
  • *
  • It shall rise again
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #42 on: October 07, 2010, 03:17:53 PM »
Wait, what?

It's done?

D:

* SRSifex reads

Esifex

  • Though the sun may set
  • *
  • It shall rise again
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #43 on: October 07, 2010, 03:22:57 PM »
Damn, that was a nice story.

Like you said, kind of a bittersweet ending - and only because it's done :C

By the way - this story (and Iced's WWC spy-entry) have brought my opinion of Aya up enough for me to like her as a character, and not just rage against her because of how much of a pain in the ass she is to fight in SWR/UNL.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2010, 04:13:33 PM »
By the way - this story (and Iced's WWC spy-entry) have brought my opinion of Aya up enough for me to like her as a character, and not just rage against her because of how much of a pain in the ass she is to fight in SWR/UNL.

Well good! I've never played against her in the fighting games so I couldn't attest to it, but I'm happy the story had that effect.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Alfred F. Jones

  • Estamos orgullosos del Batall?n Lincoln
  • *
  • y de la lucha que hizo por Madrid
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #45 on: October 07, 2010, 04:46:58 PM »
Aya was always an excellent character, but I still found my opinion of her going up and up as I read this story, first as I was proofreading and second as a reader. Somehow, I think the defining moment for me was the line:

>She stepped onto the sidewalk, lifted her face to the sun, and walked home, just like any other person on the street.

I fully expected her to say "screw it" and fly off-- but she didn't. And to me, that showed me just how much she had... grown? Learned? over the course of the story. And her last letter makes the entire ending so wonderfully bittersweet.

I can't overstate how much I enjoyed reading this story, Ammy. Thank you for this.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #46 on: October 07, 2010, 08:37:56 PM »
The pleasure was mine. This actually started out from a WWC: "death of a loved one". But then the story changed as I started outlining it, and it kind of got away from me, and well ... here we are.

It's a bit more subdued than I expected it to be. There was a scene I cut out, in fact, where Koji and Hitomi had taken LSD, and Aya tried it as well. At one point in their trip, she tells them she can fly, and says, "Watch!" and does it. But of course by morning Koji and Hitomi are convinced they were just hallucinating. This was a tongue-in-cheek jab at the whole anti-drug hysteria about LSD making people leap off buildings and such because they believe they have the power of flight. I ended up cutting that out because for one, I wasn't really confident on how casual soft drug use would be taken, and second, I couldn't find any concrete research on the effects of LSD on birds. But most of all because it seemed like it would've been a long way to go for that joke, and it would've been shoehorned in there.

But I was sure that Aya would want to try and blend in as well as possible. At the same time, her instincts pull her in the other direction. That's sort of why the harbor played a big part in this.

Incidentally, I lifted the names of every other character from some of my favorite Japanese authors - Hitomi Kanehara, Koji Suzuki, Hideaki Sena, Ryu Murakami, etc.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2010, 08:56:26 PM by Tsukiko »

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Iced Fairy

  • So like if you try to hurt alkaza
  • *
  • I will set you on fire k'?
    • Daisukima Dan Blog
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #47 on: October 07, 2010, 09:40:17 PM »
I was hoping for more, but it was still a good ending, and a nice sendoff all together.  I've always liked flavor pieces like this, and the polish that went into it shows.

It gives me more desire to kick past my block and finish my own short.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #48 on: October 07, 2010, 09:44:57 PM »
I was hoping for more, but it was still a good ending, and a nice sendoff all together.  I've always liked flavor pieces like this, and the polish that went into it shows.

Thanks, that means a lot. I agree this could've been fleshed out more - going to the beach, or a road trip some place, or more journalism assignments, maybe chatting with Yukari and giving her an "update", Mork and Mindy style. There's a lot of possibilities with the whole "Touhous in the outside world" format.

When I take another run at this style again, I'll definitely breathe more dimensions into it.

As far as the polish goes ... after writing a rough draft, then editing it, I sent it to Ruro for her edit, then gave it another edit of my own, and then edited each chapter again before posting. You can't be too thorough, largely, and getting another set of eyes on it always helps.

It gives me more desire to kick past my block and finish my own short.

Glad to hear that!
« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 12:21:34 AM by Tsukiko »

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Dan-Heron

  • Evil Chibi-Dan -doesn't bite-
Re: The Sound of the City: Final Chapter Is Up!
« Reply #49 on: October 08, 2010, 06:14:20 AM »
ah, this is one of those stories which only bad thing is that they ended.

It was quite enjoyable while it lasted, a very refreshing view on Aya. Really makes me want to write that idea I had with the Tengu trio
so much evil it's poisonously healthy!

Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!