And then you suddenly bring a Sakana that makes me wish she was my little sister
also that tuna looks quite huggable. :Vc
Prologue?Worthless?That was how I was going to die. ?Dude, why?d you have to stab him?!??H-Hey, the idiot just ran at me, kay?! I-I didn?t do it!??Jesus! We gotta leg it before the cops come! Just drop the girl!?The voices died away with the rapidly diminishing footsteps. Puddles splashing and overturning dustbins and boxes marked their departure from the dark alleyway.They left the idiot behind. Yes, that?s me. Well, soon-to-be-ex-idiot, anyway. You see, they also left this huge gaping gash in me. I suppose one must conform to the clich?, even as they?re dying. A tentative glance at my blood-stained hand confirmed my doom. Yep, that?s my blood, thick, red, and outside my body where it belongs. I drop my head back into the dirty slush of the alleyway, letting out a long stream of puffy steam into the cold, snowy air as I sigh. My life?s going to flash before my eyes right about now, right? Great, just what I needed in my hour of doom ? a montage of this failure of a life. Please, please, can we skip me failing the entrance exam two years in a row? Can we please skip my father telling me I?m worthless with his dying breath? Can we please, please skip the fact that I?ve been single for the past 20 years of my life? Nope, apparently not, especially not the fact that I?m about to die a 20 year-old virgin. Except my dramatic flashback is rather rudely interrupted right around the point where I am watching myself being hung upside down by the bullies in the playground with my lunch money emptying out of my pockets. What? What is it? Can?t I at least watch my final flashbacks in peace??Oniichan! You can?t die!? A pair of hands shook me frantically. If anything, that was going to hasten my blood loss and my untimely and tragic demise, but, okay, you have my attention. I slowly, weakly turn my head around to look up at the source of the fearful voice, a panic-stricken, tearful face. Oh yeah?the girl?I guess she?s safe? She?s cute, under all the rather unkempt bluish, grayish white hair and the rather sodden and dirty clothes. Pity she?s too young to be in my strike range. Like, at least 10 years too young. Oh well, better than staring at the leaky drain pipe above me in my final hour. Pity this girl was leakier by far. Her tears, warm and soft, dripped onto my numb, frozen face. Please, stop that. That tickles.?Oniichan?.no?you can?t die! You musn?t die!? She cried, her lips trembling, tears streaming down her face. Oh yeah? Let?s see you stop me! ?You?re not dying again! Not this time!? Oh really? Well, I can die again! I can die all I want! Finally I?m going to do something I really want to and nobody?s going to sto-?wait, ?again?? What? How can someone die twi-??never mind?.nothing matters?.anymore?.?well?maybe one thing?does?I gently reach out to her, ?You?re?cute?you know?You should?take?better care of?yourself?? Her tears were warm as I wipe them away. They were the only warm things here in this hell. Perhaps?this is fine?maybe?my life?wasn?t?so?worth?le-?.....?Wait?is that a fish floating in the air??a tuna, to be exact, Scombridiae thunnus?Since when have angels of death been tun-?AHUGH!?.
I woke up. Maybe in hell. And it was STILL leaking. Capricorn ? Unlucky, beware of pointy objects, tunas, leaks and cardboard boxes. Fortune lies with your sister today. Pointy objects, check. Tunas, check. Leaks, check. Great, I don?t have a sister, so that leaves the cardboard box. Okay, diabolical box from hell, bring it on!I slowly open my eyes and?.yeah, I see the box. It appears I?m lying in it. Great, it?s eaten me, so I don?t have to worry about avoiding it anymore. I also find the source of the leak. The bit of the box I was staring at, straight above me, was wet. Leakiness and cardboard box, the ultimate gattai of misfortune. ?Hey, you?re awake, Onii-?oh, I?m sorry, you?re not my Oniichan.? There was rather sad chuckle. ?I?m sorry it?s so cramped. There really isn?t much space, but please make yourself at home!? The voice offered, cheerfully.This is a joke, right? Home? This leaky cardboard box? This only happens in really sappy tragicomedy manga and anime, right? Has the real estate depression hit hell as well? What happened to quality brimstone? And you, don?t apologize so cheerfully! That?s just sad, too sad. I slowly try to prop myself up on my elbows with as little movement as I can manage, in case the slightest touch might cause this travesty of a home to implode on itself. It looks like it?s about to manage just that without my help anyway. I find the girl, kneeling at the far end of the cardboard box, by the opening, almost out in the rain for want of space, watching me with deep concern. Girl, seeing how you live, I think that concern is misplaced. I look at her properly for the first time. Exercising but a fraction of my mind?s great mental prowess, I deducted that she must be from foreign parts, where wearing swirly caps, long flowing robes, light-bluish grayish white hair and living in cardboard boxes could be considered a norm. Wow, gaijins these days sure are something.Tunas too.Wait, tuna? It IS! It?s that Scombridiae thunnus angel of death from earlier! And it?s really flying! So I really am dead?!?Oh, don?t worry, this is just my?tuna half?? Hey, kid, if you don?t know, how should I know? Also, what?s a tuna-half? ?It?s me, a part of me, but in a separate tuna body? Sort of?? Kid, why do you keep on asking me? How should I know how you strange foreign people work? I reach out slowly, and, out of curiosity, poked the tuna in where a tuna?s ribs should be. ?Hyaaah!? The girl fell over, giggling wildly, clutching her sides, as I poked the shuddering tuna now flying sideways in midair. ?Please heeheehee stop nyahahaha thaaat! Ahaha, teehee, nyahahaha!? Wow, she has 3 different laughs in one. Poke. ?Heeee!? Poke. ?Funyahahahaha? Poke. ?Munyaaaaa!? A few, fun, satisfying moments later, I finally retracted my finger short of asphyxiating the girl, leaving her clutching her tummy, a quivering teary gasping sprawl on the floor of the box. I look down at my belly, expecting to see a huge bleeding gash?and find naught but smooth skin underneath my torn, blood-soaked clothes. I?m no doctor, but I know stab wounds don?t just up and leave without a good stab at killing you (Haha, look, I made a pun). Where?d it go? Not even a cool battle scar to show off? I feel cheated, for some strange reason. ?I did my best to heal it.? The girl said, wiping away a few tears of laughter, breathing deeply as she recovered. Wait, heal it? ?Yes, you know, like shooooom and whoaaaaah and whooooosh.? She said, elaborating with waves of her hands. Kid, define shoom, whoah and whoosh, and we?ll go sell it to the nearest big pharma and split the profit 80-20. Well, whatever. Obviously people do things different in foreign parts, with loli doctors who go shoom, whoah and whoosh. Probably why most people go overseas for healthcare. There was a low rumble. For a moment I thought it was the weather threatening to destroy this cardboa-?this girl?s home for good. Then I realized the girl was staring intently at something and, following her gaze, found that it was my tummy. Hey, tummy, was that you?GroooowllllHey, long time no see. How are things down there? You?re looking thinner than the last time I spoke to you. Are you on a diet? GrooooowwwwwwwlllI see, you?re loosing plenty of weight. That?s good. Did you enjoy that last chili con carne with extra beans and hot sauce?GrooooooowllooowllloowllloooooooooowlHeh, I know, right??Hey, kid, what are you doing?The girl paused with a rusty kitchen knife held in one hand, her tuna half held down to the ground in the other, her eyes screwed shut in an expression of extreme apprehension. ?Oh? I thought I?d serve you something to eat.? She said, with a smile. Kid, don?t smile about things like that. I can see that tuna trembling. Heck, I can see YOU trembling. Isn?t that tuna you? What is this? Foreigner self-cannibalism? ?Well, I don?t really have anything else?.? She says. ?I?m sorry?? DON?T APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS LIKE THAT WITH A SMILE LIKE THAT! THAT?S SO SAD I?M ABOUT TO SCREAM.Right, right, back up. I take the knife from the girl?s unresisting, quivering hands, and put it away waaaaaay at the back of the box. ?I?m not hungry.? I tell her, pointedly. ?But.??Not hungry.??Your tummy???It?s talkative on rainy days.??I never???I?m allergic to seafood.??So you are???No.? I said, with a finality that would have put landing breaks on a 747 to shame. ??.kid, where are your parents?? I sigh, finally breaking out the question. She doesn?t answer as she stares out into the rainy sky. Yeah, thought it?d be something like that. ?Mama...was killed. I saw them kill her.? She says, her eyes unfocused, gazing out at nothing. ?Papa?.left.??Tch?? I had to resist looking away. ?Kid, I?m sorry, but???No, please, don?t be. I?m sorry.? She says, smiling that strong smile again. Okay, that?s too sad. My sad-o-meter breaks. I scream.?RAAAAAAAAH!? I roar, standing up and tearing out of the cardboard box like an angry caterpillar bursting out of the soggiest cocoon ever. ?Hyaaah!? She cries, falling over backwards onto a puddle. ?M-my house???Hey, kid?? I said, as I dropped my jacket on her head. ??from now on, I?ll be your house, you hear me?? I said, grasping her under her arms and pulling her up onto her feet. What the hell am I acting cool for? I don?t know?.but I guess after 20 years of being uncool, I had to receive some compensation. ?I?m not rich, but I?m going to take care of you.?There was a silence, broken only by the pelting rain. She seemed to be trembling. Whatever tears she was shedding, they were lost in the rain. ?You have a name?? I ask, breaking the silence. ?Sakana! It?s Sakana!??Sakana-chan?if you want?you can call me ?Oniichan?.? I say, looking away. No way I can say something like that with a straight face. I fall into a slow but purposeful stride. ?Coming?? I ask, looking around.??.H-Hai, Oniichan!? And she fell into stride alongside me, holding my jacket close with one hand, tentatively reaching out for mine with the other. I offer it, reassuringly, and she happily takes it in hers.Fortune from your sister, huh? Well, I have a half-tuna sister now. I suppose that means 50% fortune, 50% misfortune?.but I don?t care, because she?s a 100% cute imouto-chan.Omake note: Sakana gets taken hooooooooome. Omachikaeriiiii~
?No.? I said, with a finality that would have put landing breaks on a 747 to shame.
