Author Topic: capt. h's shorts  (Read 9234 times)

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
capt. h's shorts
« on: April 13, 2013, 03:04:55 AM »
In which I embarrass myself by posting my shorts. Symptoms may include OoC, bad writing, good writing, Alternate Universe, and whatever I happen to be daydreaming about on a given day.

This will often include my WWC entires. This will also include non-wwc entries. The only non-wwc entry in the first update is the last one.

************

It?s dark. I can?t see anything at all, so I make to get up and *bump* my head on something hard. I tap the ground ? wood. I tap the awfully low ceiling ? wood. I make to roll over and find wood again. So I?m stuck in a stuffy little wooden box. I summon a flame. No exits. Great. I?m stuck in a coffin, aren?t I?

How? How the hell did I get buried alive? Let?s see? Battle with neet, she smack talks me, I smack talk back, we kill each other, towards the end I get jabbed with a needle, rip it out, stab her with it, get my heart blasted out? then? nothing. Then I wake up in here.

Goddamn it. She poisoned me, didn?t she. Damn moon princess. Though I gotta say, I've never seen a poison this strong.

Well, time to get out of here. I blast through the top of the coffin, and get rewarded with a mouth full of dirt. Dirt, for the uninitiated, tastes like rocks mixed with an itty bit of feces, not something pleasant to have in your mouth. I?m six feet down, aren?t I? I wind up half clawing, half blasting my way through the grime. I swear I must have choked to death twice on the filth before I felt my hand break through. I pull myself up to my shoulders, and who do I find but the damn neet?s doctor.

She stares at me for a full minute before she decides to help me up.  As we both worked on getting me out I had to ask, ?What the hell did you cook up??

?I believed it was a cure to immortality,? The nurse explains. ?It seems my hypothesis was mistaken.?

?Thanks for helping me up doc.? I say. Then I deck her. ?Don?t make any more dangerous crap like that. You could have killed me. So tell me doc, what brings you out to this?? I glance around. Tombstones. Lots of tombstones. ?cemetery.?

?Well, you pricked the princess in your battle, and you see...? Eirin trails off. I glance at the tombstone next to mine.

HERE LIES KAGUYA HOURAISAN

I buckle over laughing. ?You better start digging. The neet must be furious.?

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2013, 03:05:54 AM »
?I hear voices.? Utsuho said, lying on the couch next to me.

?Those are perfectly natural. I hear them all the time!? I say. ?Usually when people are talking to me.?

?No, I mean in my head.?

?Well, where else are you going to hear them?? I ask. ?I mean, maybe if you heard them in your belly button there would be a problem, but your head is a perfectly normal place to hear voices.?

?I mean I hear voices, but they aren?t real.?

?Of course the voices are real! If they weren?t real, you wouldn?t be hearing them,? I say. ?Do you listen to them? I find that voices usually say stuff.?

?They tell me to burn everything.? The raven scowled.

?That?s normal.? I say. ?Are there people saying these things??

?No. The voices aren?t real, they all come from me.?

?Well then,? I say, tapping my pen on my cheek. ?You should know that just because a voice is in your head, doesn?t mean it?s not real. I suggested doing what the voices tell you.?

?But they tell me to kill people!?

?And do you want to kill people?? I ask.

?I don?t know anymore,? The raven says, clutching her head. She?s really worried, isn?t she? Ah well, only one fix for that.

?I think the voices are your subconscious. You should listen to it! You secretly want to destroy people, and the healthy thing to do is to listen to yourself!?

?But?? Utsuho stutters.

?No buts! I am your Psychiatrist, and I?m telling you to go out and burn things! Understand? Now go!?

I am such a good psychiatrist, I tell myself as I see my raven out. I should get a degree!

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2013, 03:06:21 AM »
It was sometime around 1885 that Gensokyo appeared in the New Mexico Territory. Nobody knows why it appeared there and then. Gensokyo was supposed to be in Japan, was supposed to have been sealed for a hundred years, and was supposed to be a lot of things. Me? I let the academics sort that out. I?m a simple woman with simple goals, trying to make a living in the untamed wilds.

And I reckon nothing is simpler than the want of gold, ze? Course, getting the stuff is hard. These Americans like to keep their gold and money away from a poor thief like me. Not every train has cash or gold. Not even half of them have much of worth. But when they do have cash, they have a lot of it. I?m not familiar with the economics of transport?n it east to west and west to east, but I know they send the stuff all over.

As we sit overlookin? the tracks, my buddy speaks up ?This one,? she says. Her name?s Nazrin, has a real knack for sniffing gold out. Don?t know what she does with it. Never asked. But what she lacks in firepower she has in nosing the stuff out. ?Gold. A lot of it.?
   
?Well what?r we waiting for? That gold ain?t gonna take itself, ze?? I say, mounting my broom. Ah, one of the two tools that make us the most feared outlaws in the west. Most bandits are stuck with horses, but us? We fly, and my broom?s the fastest in the west. Heck, no sense being modest, I figure my broom?s the fastest ride anywhere. Nazrin gets on, I shout ?Ye-haw!?, and the wind rushes past my face as I run down that train. Only takes a second to pull up next to it.

?A little further,? Nazrin tells me, directing me to the car right behind the coal car. ?The front of that one.? I pull up next to the car and take out the second tool I?m feared for, a nice little magical reactor that livens up any heist.

I aim my ?mini-hakkero? at the side of the train and let out a wail, ?LOVE-COLORED MASTER SPARK!? A beam of my special brand of magic rips through the car. ?There?s our door, ze!?

?As unnecessarily destructive as always,? Nazrin deadpans. She never did have proper appreciation for my brand of magic. The train?s brakes screech along the rails with that lovely ear-piercing sound of a successful heist. Well, I reckon it?s not successful until we pick up our gold. As the train stops, Naz takes out her pistol. I set my broom down and aim my hakkero at the car, Nazrin aims likewise.

I shout towards the car, ?Now here?s the deal, ze. This ain?t your gold. This is the bank?s gold. No sense in you dying for the banks money, understand? Now I reckon you two?ve got family waitin? for you at home. And we?re not ones to separate you from your families. No sense bein? a hero for the banks gold when you have young?uns waiting for you at home. Now I?m gonna count to 3. And you?re gonna drop your guns and come out of that car by 3, or I?m gonna blast you out of the car, got it?? I pause. ?1. 2.?

?We surrender!? one of the guards says, throwing his weapon out the hole. A second gun is thrown, and two men leave the train with their hands in the air.

 ?Wise choice. Naz, tie ?em up.?

Nazrin gets the rope out and begins tying their hands a safe distance from the car. ?You gonna clear it out??

?Yep.? I say, charging my hakkero again. ?Love-colored master spark.? Magical energy roars through the air and tears off the roof. ?Looks clear to me,? I say. I step up onto the wooden floor of the car and approach a scorched safe. With a little magic to melt off the lock, I?m in, and who-boy, did I hit big.

?Hey Naz, must be at least 30 bars in here!?

?Told you. Gold. A lot of it.? Finishing up with the guards, she hands me a bag and begins stuffing her own. Even divvied across 5 of them the bags nearly split from the weight.

?Alright Naz, let?s saddle up!? I say, tying down the last of our haul to my broom. The two of us get on, whizzing away before any unneeded attention catches up to us. ?I think we?ve got enough gold to last us a lifetime, ze!?

Nazrin replies terse as always, ?For me, a lifetime. For you, a week.?

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2013, 03:06:38 AM »
Space.

The final frontier.

Large beyond the comprehension of any mere mortal.

And a really nice place to put a sun.

I like the sun. It?s big a yellow, and there should be more of them. Not like that boring old moon. That?s not nearly bright enough. So I came up with this plan to make more of them. Suns that is.

Satori doesn?t like me making them in the house. Or in the underground for that matter. Something about stars should be in space.

So getting to work. The inner core?s connected to the ? radiative zone~. The radiative zone?s connected to the ? convection zone~. Course, knowing that?s not really necessary for the process. It?s good enough to simply bash lots of energy together really hard, until you get a huge sphere. Bigger the sphere, the longer the sun magic lasts, you could even get something permanent if you made it big enough.

In case you were wondering, my hobbies include creating subatomic reactions on the macro scale and on weekends I like to take a nuclear bomb to your laws of nature. Every Monday Morning is scolding time, when a couple of gods go over with the kappa how I ruined physics over the weekend and have to put it back.

I don?t see why I?m not allowed to create objects with less mass than a ping pong ball and the surface pull of Jupiter. You know what? Forget them. Sunday is me time, and I?m spending me time putting more stars in the sky orbiting a mere 50,000 miles away from earth.

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2013, 03:06:53 AM »
I hear someone clap 3 times. Turning around, I come face to face with the Lunarian doctor.

?Congratulations, Mokou.? Eirin says, her arms crossed and her smirk smug. ?It took 20 years, but you may be the one person on earth who understands magical genetics better than me.?

?I didn?t ask you,? I say, returning to my specimens. Thousands of mosquitos and over two dozen rats all need to be accounted for tonight.

?I?m really impressed by your lunar curses. Before you began, I believed disease spells that could pass themselves genetically were impossible.?

?I?m just working with genetic lunar curses.?

?No, you?re using the disease version. I should know. I invented it.?

I pause to give the doctor a sideways glance as she continues, ?I am the greatest mind on earth. Did you think you could hide this from me??

?Actually, I?m disappointed it took you so long to figure out.?

?Oh, I had my suspicions,? Eirin continues. ?And now you have to stop.?

?I do, do I?? I smirk.

?You do. It?s been twenty years, it?s time to let go.?

?It?s not about avenging Keine.?

?Huh?? Eirin replies.

?Her death is behind me,? I say with a large pause, ?I killed the bastards, and I?m not going after their kids.?

?Alright, then what is your obsession about?? Eirin asks as if I?m her patient.

?The fact that I have to disguise myself to buy a loaf of bread in town,? I say.

?I don?t follow,? Eirin replies.

?I?m not human-looking enough to go into town, and I?m not youkai enough to fit into youkai circles either,? I sigh.

?So you plan to turn the world into werewolves in petty revenge??

?Perhaps,? I say, contemplating. ?I want to take away that nice clean line between human and youkai, and watch their perfect world burn. I want to fill the world with misfits, maybe then there will be a place in it for were-hakutakus and immortals.?

?Wait? immortals??

?Calm down, I wouldn?t wish immortality on my worst enemy. Already decided against poisoning the water supply.?

?Although you still won?t tell me where you keep your leftover stash,? Eirin sighs.

I stick my tongue out at her as she groans. ?Either way,? she continues, ?You have to be stopped.?

?Why??

?You know why.?

?I want you to tell me why you have to stop me.?

?The obvious reason is the death toll. Having dozens of youkai just appear in the streets would cause riots. I?d hardly be surprised if they lynched the cursed on the spot.?

?If that?s how they react, they deserve to be slaughtered,? I say. ?Meanwhile, I?ll be working on actual problems, like second generation survival rates. I?d like a lower stillborn percentage; I?m sure it?ll fix itself in a few generations.?

Eirin?s brow furrows, ??So you were successful already.?

?The project?s basically done,? I say, pointing at the mosquitos. ?I open that cage, and the world is infected.?

Eirin eyes the cage in contemplation, then with a resigned sigh, says, ?Do this, and the world will hate you.?

?It?s hated me for millennia,? I say.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2013, 05:46:00 AM by capt. h »

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2013, 12:09:11 AM »
Authors note: the next 3 stories are more like chapters. They might get their own thread at some point.

***

?Sakuya, I?m becoming concerned.? Mistress Remilia says.

?Are you sure this is the business of a mere maid?? I ask.

?I command you to stop being my maid and start being my confidant,? Mistress Remilia says.

?As you wish my lady. About what must you confide?? Mistress Remilia never quite grasped the relationship between servant and lady, but as the master of the house I must abide by her whims, even when they are somewhat improper. Not that I mind her faith in me, but my job would be much more professional if she would learn to stop confiding in her servants.

?Sakuya, have you noticed that I?ve been getting rather sunburnt lately??

?You?ve always been that way, my lady. The skin of nobility is meant to be too fair for the sun to touch.?

?Yes, but in the past I could go outside; now if I?m out for five minutes without a parasol??

?I can the doctor in the morning if you wish, my lady.?

?There?s also the issue of my nocturnal habits. I find myself going to sleep at dawn and waking at dusk!?

?It?s completely natural for your age. How many people do you know from your school years that only began to rest when the sun rose??

?Alright?? Remilia says uneasily.

?Don?t fret about your health so much my lady,? I say. ?Hypochondria will put you in the doctor?s office more than any other disease, and I know how you feel about doctors.?

?Yes, well? I may need to make an exception,? Remilia gulps.

I pause. ?Are you sure, mistress??

??No, nevermind, I?m sure you?re right, it?s nothing.?

I let out my breath. For a moment there it appeared the mistress had something really wrong with her. ?Shall I get back to dinner?? I ask.

?Yes, tonight I feel like steak. Rare.? My lady says.

?Not well done, like always?? I ask.

?Is it the business of a mere maid to second guess her master?? my mistress asks playfully.

?Ah, but tonight you made me your confidant,? I reply back.

My mistress sighs, ?Yes it?s unusual, but tonight I?m?? the mistress hesitates, ?I?m shaking things up a bit.?

I shrug, saying ?As you wish my lady,? as I take my leave.

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2013, 12:10:14 AM »
The eyes haunt me. Always watching, begging to be poked, played with, prodded, touched. It?s always one medication or another with sis, the eyes go away for a bit, but they always come back.

Which is why when someone eyeless comes along, I take an interest.

Oh the girl wasn?t all that special looking. Beyond the long hair and the red bow she wouldn?t have stood out from a crowd. But when I looked upon her, I couldn?t see the eye of her heart. Yes she could be prodded, yes she could be poked, but I couldn?t see her ends, couldn?t unwind her if I tried. And that made me want to try all the more. If I played with her, would she stand up? If I molded her, would she remain?

A little poke, to see what would happen perhaps? Nothing big, just a tap.

?No!? I tell myself. ?Sister said they can?t come back.? But this one has no eye to break. It begged to be played with. So I touch her. Nothing much. A little tap, and her torso explodes. Just like the others, this one won?t do at all. If she?s still alive, she won?t live long, and sister says not to get involved. Leave no evidence, call Sakuya when you make a mess she says, so that?s what I do.

Sakuya says, without judgement in her voice, ?I?ll clean it up.? And I wait. And as I wait, I hear the exploded girl breathe heavily. Any voice she has is barely a whimper. It?ll be over soon, maybe even before Sakuya arrives, but no, the breathing persists. And the body maintains. Minute after minute ticks by before the maid arrives, the girl still breathing without even the energy to get up.

?You poor thing,? Sakuya says mechanically. ?Let me save you,? she says. She takes out a knife and digs it through the girl?s heart. As she makes to wipe her knife, she notices the girl is still breathing. She then slashes the throat. And the breaths continue. Sakuya taps her foot twice, then severs the spine, slashing and slashing until the head comes off and the breathing stops.

And as Sakuya makes to clean her knife, the breathing begins again.

Sakuya doesn?t seem to notice, stuffing the body and the head together into a garbage bag and placing it in the trunk. She then takes me by the hand, and sits me in the car. She drives us home, I don?t know why she can?t hear the breathing, but her senses aren?t as good as mine. And the breathing is ceaseless, disconcerting, eternal. She leads me out of the car to my room, undresses me, and sticks my clothes in another garbage bag. She forces me to bathe, then checks me from head to toe, before changing her own clothes. She sends me off to bed, and when I?m there, I hear her scream. It?s rare for something to frighten Sakuya, but she enters a mania, the sound of blade striking flesh resounds through the house again and again. After an hour, I hear sis enter the garage. She says something, then the house goes quiet.

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2013, 12:12:06 AM »
?Hello Miss Fujiwara.?

I wake up, sore. I don?t recognize the room, but a clock in the corner says I?m late for class.

?Where-? I start, to which Remilia raises her hand.

?You are in the Scarlet Mansion. My name is Remilia Scarlet, and I?ll be your host,? she says, pouring me a cup of tea. She leaves mine by the bed, as she pours a second cup for herself. She doesn?t speak another word until she?s had a sip.

?Glad to see you?re alright, Miss Fujiwara. Or would you prefer Mokou??

?Mokou will be fine,? I reply, sitting up. It proves somewhat difficult, as sore as I am.

?Right. Mokou.? She says Now tell me, you were passing near the Scarlet grounds. Why were you there??

?It?s on the way home.? I reply, rubbing my head.

?And as you went home, you came across a blond girl who happens to be my sister. Tell me what happened next.?

Well I did see a blond girl but everything after that? ?I have no idea.?

?Hm,? Remilia says with another sip. ?You wouldn?t happen to be immortal, would you?? She asks.

?Um? what?? I say, adding with a small laugh ?You?re kidding right?? I immediately regret it as my lungs protest the extra work.

?Are you immortal?? she repeats, not a trace of irony in her voice.

I pause. It?s difficult to believe the question is serious, but her response leaves no room for doubt. Either way, the answer is, ?No.?

?I see,? Remilia says, taking another sip of her tea. ?So you just heal fast??

?Um? no, I?m pretty sure I?m normal.? I say back.

?Don?t lie,? the woman responds with a slight start.

??I?m not lying,? I say plainly.

The woman sighs, then takes out a butter knife from her tea set. She jabs it into my arm, although the pain is duller than I expected. ?What are you?? I start, before Remilia cuts me off.

?I hate liars,? she says, ripping the knife back out. I find myself speechless, unable to think of a single word for the situation, a sense that becomes compounded as I look down upon myself and see the wound close before my eyes. ?So tell me the truth,? she adds, tapping her foot twice as she takes another sip from her cup as she stares at me intently

We sit in silence for a minute, me staring at my arm as I see the wound become a scar before it disappears as though it had never happened. Remilia on the other hand is looking into my eyes intensely, I feel like I?m being interrogated under her gaze. She then sighs. ?You really didn?t know, did you?? she says, before adding, ?Well, either way I?m offering you a job.?

?Huh?? I ask. ?Wait, what??

?A job. Nothing much, watch over my sister, feed a couple bad habits I have, simple things. I expect you to say yes,? she says.

For a second time, I find myself lacking a proper response, as Remilia brings her face incredibly close to mine and looks me straight in the eyes. Finally, I reply, ?Get to the point. What do you want.?

?Oh, nothing big,? she says, bringing her mouth to my ear and breathing into my neck. I shift away from her, but she stays with me. ?My sister has a tendency to kill, maim,? she pauses, before adding, ?destroy anything near her. And a nice sturdy person like you would be good for her. Whereas for me,? she says, her lips on my neck.

I squirm away a bit as I start to sweat, although I find myself too sore to do much of anything as I tell her to ?Back off.?

?Oh, but this is the other part.? She says, nibbling my neck.

?Hey, stop it-? I add, trying to push her off of me.

?It?s nothing big, I don?t need much.? She adds, biting down. I desperately try to force her off, to no avail. She clings to my neck as she embraces me, sucking my neck as she ignores my pleas. Then she lets go.

?Let me do that twice a week. That?s it.?

I rub my neck, feeling violated as I try to comprehend what on earth is wrong with this girl. Feeling two puncture marks where I was bitten, I find the answer is obvious. ?No.?

?Too bad,? she says, coming close a second time as she whispers a number into my ear.

My eyes widen as I barely contain my surprise, ?You?re kidding right??

?Not at all,? the creepy vampire chick says.

?I do need the money. I can barely afford my apartment, I can barely afford my school, but the answer is ?Still no.?

Remilia pauses, before adding. ?Tell you what, I?ll let my maid take your blood out. No biting. You don?t have to think about it, alright? Room and board, a nice salary, and all you need to do is play with sis and get pricked in the arm twice a week.?

?Darn it, that is a good deal. I avoid her eyes as I consider her offer. And sadly, I realize I can?t exactly afford to refuse. ??Just make it painless.?

?Well said.?

?And never,? I say, my anger getting the better of me, ?Never, touch me or my neck like that again.?

Remilia pauses, staring into my eyes again, before extending her hand, ?If you insist.?

Hesitating, I shake her hand feeling like the deal was with the devil. I wonder if I?ll regret that when the painkillers wear off, but for now, I?m content trying to pretend I wasn?t just bitten in the neck by a creepy vampire woman.

At least today was more interesting than class.

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2013, 01:06:20 AM »
Hobo with a shotgun Mokou and desolator Utsuho fight hoards of robots trying to blow up Mann Co.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I’m commanded with a kick to the gut. I open my eyes to a bizarre looking girl, white hair in spite of obviously being in her twenties, red overalls, and a shotgun. Pointed at me.

A year ago, I would be scared. But now?

“Getting away.”

“Well, you picked the wrong place to get away from anything. The robots are a’coming,” she grins.

“Robots?”

“To attack Mann Co.” She says. “They’re always attackin’ Mann Co.”

I look around. Desert, abandoned shacks, no Mann Co. in sight besides a few badly painted signs.

“I don’t see a Mann…”

“Shhh…” the girl interrupts. “You know that, and I know that, but the robots don’t know that, now do they?”

I take two fingers and slowly push the shotgun barrel away. I don’t have time for this woman’s ramblings. Well, the sad thing is I do have time for that, but armed lunatics still put me on edge.

“Oh where are my manners,” she says, lifting her gun over her shoulder as she outstretches her left hand. “Mokou Fujiwara.”

“Utsuho,” I say, careful to not make any sudden gestures as I awkwardly take her left hand.

“Pleasure,” She grins, pointing to a dirt road. “Now get out.”

I decide against testing this girl’s patience as I walk away, although I find it unnerving how she’s following me out of the town in silence. Finally, as we pass the last building, next to a flurry of signs pointing to a hole in the ground, she says, “Really though, what are you doing out here?”

“Getting away,” I repeat.

She stares at the horizon, before forcefully grabbing my arm. “Well, you definitely picked the wrong place,” she says.

“Wait,” I struggle from her vice-like grip as she drags me into the last building in town, “What about leaving?”

“Too late for that,” she replies, “The robots are here!” The girl forces me into the doors of the badly painted “Mann Corn” shed, quickly closing the doors behind me to my alarm. We stand in complete darkness for a moment, before she flicks a light switch to reveal what can only be described as an armory. Rifles, grenades, shotguns, rocket launchers and even a mini-gun line the walls, alongside more mundane things like bottles of whisky and an assortment of watches. She holds out her arms towards the clutter and asks me, “Beautiful, ain’t it?”

“Yes, your guns are very nice, and I’m sure you’ll kill many robots with them…”

She immediately corrects me, emphasizing, “We’ll kill many robots with them. We’re in this together.”

“…I really don’t want anything to do with this…” I reply, still being held in her vice-like grip.

The girl hands me a scoped rifle, forcing me outside. She then points to the horizon, saying, “Look.”

Hesitating, I put my eye in the rifle’s sight. I can make out a strange… car in the distance, kicking up a dust cloud that’s no more than a speck without the rifle. Though vehicle is much bigger than any car I’ve seen, with tank treads. It looks like it’s designed to carry huge loads.

“They’re coming. They don’t care who they find, and they want to whack everyone they see dead. Then blow us up for good measure,” Mokou says. She then grins. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now you can hide, you can fight, or you can run, but that last option’s gonna get you killed dead little missy!”

I pinch my cheek. Yep, definitely awake, as the girl drags me back to the armory.

“But…”

“No time to protest now, missy! So… hiding, how about an invisiwatch?”

“An invisiwhatnow?”

“An invisibility watch. Here.” She says, putting a watch on my arm and pressing a button on its face. I’m amazed to see my hand flicker for a moment before the device starts releasing a staticky sound. Mokou frowns. “It’s not supposed to do that.”

“I have issues with electronics.” I say. I then remember why I was hiding out here in the first place, having nearly forgotten in the wake of Mokou’s insanity, “And living things too for that matter. Speaking of which, are you feeling alright?”

“I’m about to kill robots.”

“Yes, but how’s your health? No nausea, hair loss, anything like that?”

Mokou stares at me, slowly processing the question before ending the silence with “You don’t have to worry about my health.”

“No really, you will die if we stay together.”

Mokou laughs, before repeating “You don’t have to worry about my health.” She then turns to her inventory, mumbling “Now let’s see, grenade launcher too dangerous, sniper rifle needs training, minigun too heavy…”

“I don’t think you understand…” I say.

“Lady,” she says, checking a revolver from her weapon rack, “Nothing kills me. And if you’re claiming you can kill me by standing next to me, I welcome your challenge with open arms, you hear?”

“You aren’t immortal,” I protest,

“And you don’t poison everything you touch,” she responds. “Now my advice? You’re about to enter a mad, mad world and if you want to protect than precious sanity you young’uns cling so hard to, you better start listening and accepting things at face value, you hear?”

As I scramble for words, she hands me a rocket launcher, a revolver, and a sledgehammer. “Honestly, I shouldn’t be giving you the rockets right away, but it’s the safest thing I have time to teach you. Long distance, aim for the ground under them. Within 20 feet, so you don’t blow yourself up, use the revolver. When you want them offa you, use the hammer. Any questions?”

“Hundreds.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sure we’ll eventually answer one or two of them. Oh, and one more thing. Don’t aim the rockets at your feet.”

“No moron would do that.”

“You’d think that,” Mokou sighs. “There was once a man who would intentionally fire rockets like that to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I have seen 2 dozen idiots blow their feet off trying it. I have seen one idiot use it successfully, and continues using it, and continues trying to teach other idiots how to do it, and let’s just say mops are essential in rocket jump training camp.”

“I don’t think that camp exists.”

“Oh?” Mokou replies, “Maybe you’re right, must of gotten it mixed up with grenade jump training camp.”

I don’t bother to correct her as she explains, “Rockets go in the back, fire with the trigger. So simple even a child could blow herself up!” She then takes a grenade launcher in each hand as she leaves the armory.

I stall a bit, completely dumbfounded as I stand with rocker launcher in hand. The girl calls to me, “Come on then!” snapping me back to attention, as I realize this room only has the one exit. I slowly heed her call as she fires instead of grenades, spiky ball after spiky ball into the air towards the car in the distance.

“Sticky launchers,” she says plainly, firing, reloading, and firing nearly fifty of the balls in a wide circle around the hole. She then takes even more of the balls out of a nearby crate, launching another fifty in the air before hurling the launchers back into the Mann Corn building.

Then, the girl says, “Why aren’t you practicing?”

“I don’t know how to use a rocket launcher,” I say plainly.

“It’s easy,” she says. She drags me to a rickety staircase up a small cliff face next to the Mann Corn building, to a small outcropping, and says “Aim at the ground under their feet.”

“This…” I begin, as she suddenly stabilizes my arms.

“Now fire!” she yells, forcing my finger onto the trigger. A rocket blazes out, missing the hole entirely and hitting the Mann Co. “Battery Surplus.” Bits of wood are sent flying around the crater I left, taking out a bit of the wall.

“How did it feel?” she asks.

“I’m really not ready for this,” I protest.

“Well then, we’ll just have to do it again!” she says, pressing my finger onto the launchers trigger. Another rocket explodes out of the barrel, creating a satisfying boom as it explodes on a nearby “Mann Co.” sign.

“Well?” she asks. I fire a third and a forth rocket in quick succession, taking down a tiny, abandoned hotel. I make to fire a fifth to an unsatisfying click.

“Out of ammo,” she says, handing me a rocket.

I carefully take the explosive and place it into the hole at the back of my launcher. I then press the trigger again, and a fifth rocket explodes out, leaving a crater below me.

“Easy,” Mokou says with a cough. “You’ll be fine. Keep your ammo up, go back to the armory when you run out, and stay out of the way and you’ll live. Maybe.”
  She then returns to the Mann Corn building, popping out with a flamethrower, an axe, a shotgun, and a backpack, the last of which she throws at me. “Ammo,” she says as she’s cut off by her own weezing.

“You will die if I stay here,” I remind her, as blood trickles from her mouth.

“You’ll die if I leave,” Mokou says, aiming her flamethrower at herself. She pulls the trigger, setting her head on fire. “What the,” I say, as she turns off the flamethrower. She smiles back unscathed, as I stand at a loss for words.

“Besides, you aren’t the only freak,” she says.

The carrier no longer in the distance, Mokou takes out a small switch and waits, her attention completely focused on the machine. At less than a thousand feet away, she presses the switch, creating a deafening, blinding explosion before my eyes.

“Sticky bombs!” I think Mokou yells, although it’s hard to be certain when my ears are ringing this much. She tosses away the detonator, staring intently into the dust cloud that has yet to settle. I make out a single man in the dust… no, correction, a single robot with a large bomb on it’s back, yelling, “Hey look at me look at me, I got it I got it!” The machine charges Mokou, standing right in front of her as it winds up for a swing, and it silenced by a shotgun blast to its forehead.

I can’t even begin to comprehend the work that must have gone into such a machine, heck, I can’t even understand how it could exist, but I have little time to ponder the one robot, as the footsteps of another, and another, enters my still-ringing ears as two more scouts exit the cloud. Mokou promptly places a bullet in each robot’s forehead.

“Was that it?” I ask hopefully.

As the dust settles, I see not just one, nor two, but dozens upon dozens of the robots.

“Nope,” Mokou grins, as an entire battalion charges her.

I watch in amazement until Mokou reminds me, “How about firing some rockets!” as she decapitates one robot with her axe, using its head as a shot put to take out a second. I exit my daze, reloading my launcher as fast as I can before aiming beyond the girl at the oncoming machines. I fire four shots, four times turning machines into bits of scrap metal. I reload, watching the battle unfold as Mokou uses her flamethrower, setting alight the barrage of metal warriors as thousands of dollars flood out of their dead comrades.

“They bleed money when you burn them?” I shout.

As one of the machines picks up the bomb, Mokou flips a switch on her flamethrower and sends the robot back with a blast of air before shooting it with her shotgun. “I ain’t complaining. Don’t think too hard about it!” she yells back, as I stuff a forth rocket into the back of my launcher. As Mokou slaughters everything that approaches the hole in the ground, three of the bots go wide, avoiding her carnage to instead home in on me. I fire all my rockets in rapid succession, tearing the lead one to shreds while the other use him as cover from my attacks. No time to reload, I pull out my pistol and fire everything in it wildly towards the approaching machines. Out of pure chance at least a couple of my bullets must have hit, as a second one goes down. But the third one is on top of me now, and I have barely a second to block his bat with my hammer before I am knocked to the ground. The robot strikes the long wooden handle of my sledgehammer again and again with his aluminum bat, cracking the wood as the machine enters a dialogue loop of “Put a dispenser put a dispenser put a dispenser-dispenser-disdisdisdis-d-d-d-d-d-” Its head then violently explodes, revealing Mokou standing over me, gun still smoking.

She says, “Not bad. You lived through the first wave.” With my breath heavy and my hands shaking, Mokou helps me off the ground.

“Can I leave yet?” I ask.

“Soon. Although I have to ask, do you even want to?” Mokou asks back. Of course I want to leave. Her world is mad, and it nearly killed me. And yet…

“I don’t know what your deal is,” Mokou says, stopping to hack up some more blood. “But if you’ve been seeking the desolation of abandoned towns in the middle of deserts, you can’t have much of a life to go back to.” She pauses, letting her words sink in as she scans the remains of that strange robot carrier. I wonder what she’s looking for, until I spot it too, movement from within the broken vehicle’s gaping maw, revealing a tractor with tank treads that forces its way the carrier’s mangled floor. Mokou says, “Decide later. We have a job to finish,” as she retreats into the armory. A moment later she rolls out the mini-gun, forcing all her weight against it and making absolutely no attempt to lift it off the ground.

“Alright, the minigun is simple. Hold the trigger until all the bullets are gone. You can’t lift it, it weighs 300 pounds, so as long as you’re here help me get it in front of that hole.”

“Shouldn’t we just use something lighter then?” I say, as I attempt to force it into position. I can barely budge the thing, I can’t even imagine a person strong enough to lift it by it’s handle.

“Trust me, I would, but this thing is the best weapon we have for tanks.”

“That tractor thing isn’t much of a tank though.”

“Looks harmless, doesn’t it? Don’t let looks deceive you, sure it won’t land a single shot, but once it gets through, kablooey!” Mokou then re-enters the armory, throwing out of its doors every rocket launcher and grenade launcher she can find into a pile next to the mini –gun, two dozen of each, by my count. “It’s a simple plan, really,” she says, throwing me a new launcher from the pile, as she picks one up for herself. “We hit it with everything we’ve got!” she says, finishing her sentence with the explosion of rocket fire as she hits the tank again and again. The girl doesn’t stop to reload, instead picking up a new launcher each time she tosses aside a spent one. I follow her lead, and the two of us leave no launcher unspent as the air fills with smoke.

“We aren’t done,” Mokou says as she picks up a grenade launcher, and sure enough when the smoke clear, like some invinsible goliath, the tank clearly and obviously struggles forwards. I take great comfort that the dents and dings mean we’ve made progress, but I am amazed anything on earth can survive so many explosions. “Start up the mini-gun!” she says, guiding my hand to the trigger with her left hand as her right fires grenade after grenade at the tank. Not the spike balls either, but definitive grenades, each flash red before blowing up within 3, maybe 4 seconds.

The gun spins to life, and it takes all my effort to simply keep it firing forwards. If it were mounted, it would be my favorite gun of the bunch, the weapon tears through tank armor like a knife through butter with the accuracy and consistency of a paper airplane. “Not very good at long distances,” Mokou explains, “But easily the most powerful gun we have.”

I fire hundreds upon hundreds of bullets into the tank, ruining its treads, tearing off its armor, setting it on fire, but when the last bullet is spent, it presses on. Mokou quickly dives into the armory, and throws me one of two shotguns, firing the other repeatedly into every hole the minigun left. “Leave the spent weapons,” she says, “Aim right for the holes in its armor.” She blasts away at any bit of internal circuitry she can find, and I follow her lead, the machine sparkin and slowing until in creeps directly a mere foot away from the hole. Its chassis opens up, revealing a second bomb held by two robotic arms. The arms slowly lift the bomb over the Mann Co. World headquarters hole.

“Stay down!” Mokou says, hurling me into the armory.

“What about you?” I shout, as the doors slam behind me. I then hear 6 shots in rapid succession. And then six more. Then I hear a thud, followed by silence.

The door creaks open as Mokou enters the armory.

“We won?” I ask.

“Er… yeah, kind of,” Mokou coughs. She opens the door wide, and I see both the bomb laying on the ground and the tank. The tank's gears are spinning wildly, as Mokou says, “You mentioned you had a thing for electronics, right?”

“Yeah, they tend to break around me.”

Mokou looks at the tank, then at me. Then she says, “How would you like to kill robots for cash?”
« Last Edit: June 26, 2013, 10:52:20 AM by capt. h »

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2014, 01:56:17 PM »
Mokou sat, drinking her tea with her best friend. Under the light of the full moon, the effects of her curse for all to see, the now-horned girl Keine began discussing the business of the night.

“As you know, the current incident isn’t resolved. The shrine maiden went to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, home of Remilia Scarlet, and was turned into a brainwashed vampire maid by said Scarlet. Marisa, however, was simply destroyed.” Keine says matter of factly. “The sun is blotted out over half of Gensokyo, seriously harming crops and bringing temperatures near freezing, in spite of it being August.”

Mokou takes another sip, saying, “Clearly that’s not a good ending. We need the shrine maiden to triumph, and as much as I hate to admit it, that witch is useful too.”

“I’m fully aware,” Keine says. “The real question is what to do with the vampires.”

“You know all the histories, tell me about these guys,” Mokou says.

“The older one, Remilia Scarlet, manipulates fate,” Keine says. “Need to keep that in mind when rewriting the history, she’ll be able to see any fate that works against her. The younger sister, Flandre Scarlet, can destroy anything and everything.” Keine says. “Her mastery of destruction makes me hesitate to use any history involving destruction, since she knows all the seams of the world as well as when those seams are tampered with.”

Mokou was used to this by now. The history of Gensokyo and everyone in it, and the world itself, laid bare before her friend’s eyes for this one night each month. Though Keine could read all histories under the full moon, the memory of the world offered no guidance about what she should do with the information. Which is why, once each month during the full moon, the two of them would talk under the stars all night long, drinking tea and deciding the history Gensokyo needs to remember.

“Alright, so let’s break the problem down,” Mokou says, lazily gazing at the stars. “Marisa and Reimu have to beat the Scarlets. But we don’t want to rewrite the history so that either of the sisters die, because it would put the history in Flandre’s domain. We also don’t want a history that goes against the Scarlet devil mansion, because that would put the history into Remilia’s domain.”

“So then,” Mokou continues. “You’ll want Remilia to fate her own, non-fatal defeat?”

“Pretty much.” Keine says.

“Well I suppose you could give her an unhealthy crush on the shrine maiden,” Mokou chuckles. “Make this whole incident a desperate call for attention.”

“That’s…” Keine starts, before pausing to think. “That’s actually a pretty good idea. We turn the incident from vampires wanting to wander around outside during the day to vampires wanting people to come visit them once in a while.”

“Is this really the best we can come up with?” Mokou sighs.

“Marisa Kirisame is friends with Flandre, Reimu Hakurei is friends with Remilia. Fix the Scarlet Mist incident now, see how things work out, if they don’t we can solve that problem next month. Hopefully that problem is a bit tamer than the sun being blotted out by vampires.”

Mokou shrugs, “You’re call, I suppose. Any other orders of business?”

“That was the big one. Although the next issue is related, how do we strengthen the border appropriately so incidents like the Scarlet Mist don’t spill out…”

« Last Edit: May 22, 2014, 02:00:30 PM by capt. h »

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2014, 02:01:49 PM »
“Alright, the endless winter incident. What’s the status?”  Mokou asks.

“Shrine Maiden Reimu Hakurei and Witch Kirisame Marisa responded to this one,” Keine says. “Maid Sakuya Izayoi, with the power to stop time, was sent from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. She executed Chen, the cat youkai subordinate of one Boundary Youkai Yukari Yakumo. Gensokyo is Yukari Yakumo’s baby, she has the power to teleport anything from anywhere to anywhere else and can create boundaries between things in the blink of an eye. She is one of the few Youkai in Gensokyo I do want you to ever fight.”

“Alright,” Mokou says. “So if her cat stays dead, she’ll take revenge on the maid.”

“Not likely,” Keine says. “Izayoi was killed in an instant by Yuyuko Saigyouji, overseer of the dead and ghost princess of the netherworld. Yakumo is friends with her, and the princess would never condone Yakumo interfering with her responsibilities.

“Which leaves a very angry Yakumo rampaging around Gensokyo,” Mokou says.

“Correct.” Keine continues. “It’s safer to bring the cat back.”

“Alright, cat’s beaten but not killed. What of the maid?”

“And the shrine maiden, who was killed by Youmu Konpaku, Konpaku herself, who was struck down by Izayoi, and Kirisame, who was killed shortly after Izayoi by Saigyouji.”

“Could the time maid kill her?” Mokou asks. “Instead of the other way around?”

“Probably,” Keine responds. “Of course, then we have to deal with a Netherworld with no caretaker. We’d essentially be messing around with the forces of life and death, probably not the best idea.”

“Then Yuyuko, going with the first name because that last name’s a mouthful, she needs a reason to not use her powers if we want everyone alive. Any ideas on how to make her not want to use them?” Mokou says.

“Well,” Keine says, looking down. Her eyes go back and forth across the ground, as if she were reading. “It says here that she had her powers whe she was alive. She committed suicide with them after accidentally killing her own family.”

“Perfect.” Mokou replies with a grin. “Sad, but perfect. Make her dislike using her powers. It sounds like we’re already half-way there.”

“We can do that…” Keine says. “Although we should keep her gardener, Konpaku alive. We don’t need any extra motivation for her to kill off our incident solvers.” Keine pauses for a moment, shaking her head in doubt. “Should we also erase the incident entirely?”

“Depends,” Mokou says. “Tell me why Yuyuko stole Spring.”

“She wanted to revive the corpse under the demon tree, Saigyou Ayakashi,” Keine says, reading the ground once again. “It doesn’t look like she was fully aware that she was reviving her own body. She’s alive now, but as you know, winter hasn’t ended yet. The village will be nothing more than a memory if we keep this history.”

“We should let her try,” Mokou says. “Otherwise she’ll just do the same thing next year.”

“Unfortunately,” Keine sighs, “I think you’re right. This clearly was not a spur of the moment decision, she’ll just keep trying until we let her.” Keine pauses for a second, eyes closed in thought. She opens them slowly. “So the second draft goes as follows:” Keine begins. “Yuyuko steals spring, then Izayoi beats a cat and leaves Konpaku lying in a shallow puddle of her own blood. This allows Hakurei and Kirisame to fight the ghost princess, the ghost princess decides not to outright murder the intruders,  the witch and the shrine maiden win, Yuyuko feels guilty for nearly destroying our civilization, and everyone lives happily ever after.”

“Use it for now,” Mokou says.

“Yes, we can work out the kinks when we’ve finished all the pressing matters. Next on the agenda: what to do about the food shortages…”
« Last Edit: May 22, 2014, 02:06:42 PM by capt. h »

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: capt. h's shorts
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2016, 02:19:01 AM »
Sup everyone?

This is probably going to be my last touhou fanfic. I say that because I haven't written a touhou fanfic in over 2 years; the only reason I'm posting this one is because I never got around to posting it on this site (it has, however, been posted on ffn as Raven versus the machine).

Wishing you guys the best, but seeing as I left the fandom years ago, not expecting too many of my old friends to be sticking around. Good luck with whatever you guys are doing now.


__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


?What the hell are you doing here?? I?m commanded with a kick to the gut. I open my eyes to a bizarre looking girl, white hair in spite of obviously being in her twenties, red overalls, and a shotgun. Pointed at me.

A year ago, I would be scared. But now?

?Getting away.?

?Well, you picked the wrong place to get away from anything. The robots are a?coming,? she grins.

?Robots??

?To attack Mann Co.? She says. ?They?re always attackin? Mann Co.?

I look around. Desert, abandoned shacks, no Mann Co. in sight besides a few badly painted signs.

?I don?t see a Mann??

?Shhh?? the girl interrupts. ?You know that, and I know that, but the robots don?t know that, now do they??

I take two fingers and slowly push the shotgun barrel away. I don?t have time for this woman?s ramblings. Well, the sad thing is I do have time for that, but armed lunatics still put me on edge.

?Oh where are my manners,? she says, lifting her gun over her shoulder as she outstretches her left hand. ?Mokou Fujiwara.?

?Utsuho,? I say, careful to not make any sudden gestures as I awkwardly take her left hand.

?Pleasure,? She grins, pointing to a dirt road. ?Now get out.?

I decide against testing this girl?s patience as I walk away, although I find it unnerving how she?s following me out of the town in silence. Finally, as we pass the last building, next to a flurry of signs pointing to a hole in the ground, she says, ?Really though, what are you doing out here??

?Getting away,? I repeat.

She stares at the horizon, before forcefully grabbing my arm. ?Well, you definitely picked the wrong place,? she says.

?Wait,? I struggle from her vice-like grip as she drags me into the last building in town, ?What about leaving??

?Too late for that,? she replies, ?The robots are here!? The girl forces me into the doors of the badly painted ?Mann Corn? shed, quickly closing the doors behind me to my alarm. We stand in complete darkness for a moment, before she flicks a light switch to reveal what can only be described as an armory. Rifles, grenades, shotguns, rocket launchers and even a mini-gun line the walls, alongside more mundane things like bottles of whisky and an assortment of watches. She holds out her arms towards the clutter and asks me, ?Beautiful, ain?t it??

?Yes, your guns are very nice, and I?m sure you?ll kill many robots with them??

She immediately corrects me, emphasizing, ?We?ll kill many robots with them. We?re in this together.?

??I really don?t want anything to do with this?? I reply, still being held in her vice-like grip.

The girl hands me a scoped rifle, forcing me outside. She then points to the horizon, saying, ?Look.?

Hesitating, I put my eye in the rifle?s sight. I can make out a strange? car in the distance, kicking up a dust cloud that?s no more than a speck without the rifle. Though vehicle is much bigger than any car I?ve seen, with tank treads. It looks like it?s designed to carry huge loads.

?They?re coming. They don?t care who they find, and they want to whack everyone they see dead. Then blow us up for good measure,? Mokou says. She then grins. ?And I wouldn?t have it any other way. Now you can hide, you can fight, or you can run, but that last option?s gonna get you killed dead little missy!?

I pinch my cheek. Yep, definitely awake, as the girl drags me back to the armory.

?But??

?No time to protest now, missy! So? hiding, how about an invisiwatch??

?An invisiwhatnow??

?An invisibility watch. Here.? She says, putting a watch on my arm and pressing a button on its face. I?m amazed to see my hand flicker for a moment before the device starts releasing a staticky sound. Mokou frowns. ?It?s not supposed to do that.?

?I have issues with electronics.? I say. I then remember why I was hiding out here in the first place, having nearly forgotten in the wake of Mokou?s insanity, ?And living things too for that matter. Speaking of which, are you feeling alright??

?I?m about to kill robots.?

?Yes, but how?s your health? No nausea, hair loss, anything like that??

Mokou stares at me, slowly processing the question before ending the silence with ?You don?t have to worry about my health.?

?No really, you will die if we stay together.?

Mokou laughs, before repeating ?You don?t have to worry about my health.? She then turns to her inventory, mumbling ?Now let?s see, grenade launcher too dangerous, sniper rifle needs training, minigun too heavy??

?I don?t think you understand?? I say.

?Lady,? she says, checking a revolver from her weapon rack, ?Nothing kills me. And if you?re claiming you can kill me by standing next to me, I welcome your challenge with open arms, you hear??

?You aren?t immortal,? I protest,

?And you don?t poison everything you touch,? she responds. ?Now my advice? You?re about to enter a mad, mad world and if you want to protect than precious sanity you young?uns cling so hard to, you better start listening and accepting things at face value, you hear??

As I scramble for words, she hands me a rocket launcher, a revolver, and a sledgehammer. ?Honestly, I shouldn?t be giving you the rockets right away, but it?s the safest thing I have time to teach you. Long distance, aim for the ground under them. Within 20 feet, so you don?t blow yourself up, use the revolver. When you want them offa you, use the hammer. Any questions??

?Hundreds.?

?Oh. Well, I?m sure we?ll eventually answer one or two of them. Oh, and one more thing. Don?t aim the rockets at your feet.?

?No moron would do that.?

?You?d think that,? Mokou sighs. ?There was once a man who would intentionally fire rockets like that to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I have seen 2 dozen idiots blow their feet off trying it. I have seen one idiot use it successfully, and continues using it, and continues trying to teach other idiots how to do it, and let?s just say mops are essential in rocket jump training camp.?

?I don?t think that camp exists.?

?Oh?? Mokou replies, ?Maybe you?re right, must of gotten it mixed up with grenade jump training camp.?

I don?t bother to correct her as she explains, ?Rockets go in the back, fire with the trigger. So simple even a child could blow herself up!? She then takes a grenade launcher in each hand as she leaves the armory.

I stall a bit, completely dumbfounded as I stand with rocker launcher in hand. The girl calls to me, ?Come on then!? snapping me back to attention, as I realize this room only has the one exit. I slowly heed her call as she fires instead of grenades, spiky ball after spiky ball into the air towards the car in the distance.

?Sticky launchers,? she says plainly, firing, reloading, and firing nearly fifty of the balls in a wide circle around the hole. She then takes even more of the balls out of a nearby crate, launching another fifty in the air before hurling the launchers back into the Mann Corn building.

Then, the girl says, ?Why aren?t you practicing??

?I don?t know how to use a rocket launcher,? I say plainly.

?It?s easy,? she says. She drags me to a rickety staircase up a small cliff face next to the Mann Corn building, to a small outcropping, and says ?Aim at the ground under their feet.?

?This?? I begin, as she suddenly stabilizes my arms.

?Now fire!? she yells, forcing my finger onto the trigger. A rocket blazes out, missing the hole entirely and hitting the Mann Co. ?Battery Surplus.? Bits of wood are sent flying around the crater I left, taking out a bit of the wall.

?How did it feel?? she asks.

?I?m really not ready for this,? I protest.

?Well then, we?ll just have to do it again!? she says, pressing my finger onto the launchers trigger. Another rocket explodes out of the barrel, creating a satisfying boom as it explodes on a nearby ?Mann Co.? sign.

?Well?? she asks. I fire a third and a forth rocket in quick succession, taking down a tiny, abandoned hotel. I make to fire a fifth to an unsatisfying click.

?Out of ammo,? she says, handing me a rocket.

I carefully take the explosive and place it into the hole at the back of my launcher. I then press the trigger again, and a fifth rocket explodes out, leaving a crater below me.

?Easy,? Mokou says with a cough. ?You?ll be fine. Keep your ammo up, go back to the armory when you run out, and stay out of the way and you?ll live. Maybe.?
  She then returns to the Mann Corn building, popping out with a flamethrower, an axe, a shotgun, and a backpack, the last of which she throws at me. ?Ammo,? she says as she?s cut off by her own weezing.

?You will die if I stay here,? I remind her, as blood trickles from her mouth.

?You?ll die if I leave,? Mokou says, aiming her flamethrower at herself. She pulls the trigger, setting her head on fire. ?What the,? I say, as she turns off the flamethrower. She smiles back unscathed, as I stand at a loss for words.

?Besides, you aren?t the only freak,? she says.

The carrier no longer in the distance, Mokou takes out a small switch and waits, her attention completely focused on the machine. At less than a thousand feet away, she presses the switch, creating a deafening, blinding explosion before my eyes.

?Sticky bombs!? I think Mokou yells, although it?s hard to be certain when my ears are ringing this much. She tosses away the detonator, staring intently into the dust cloud that has yet to settle. I make out a single man in the dust? no, correction, a single robot with a large bomb on it?s back, yelling, ?Hey look at me look at me, I got it I got it!? The machine charges Mokou, standing right in front of her as it winds up for a swing, and it silenced by a shotgun blast to its forehead.

I can?t even begin to comprehend the work that must have gone into such a machine, heck, I can?t even understand how it could exist, but I have little time to ponder the one robot, as the footsteps of another, and another, enters my still-ringing ears as two more scouts exit the cloud. Mokou promptly places a bullet in each robot?s forehead.

?Was that it?? I ask hopefully.

As the dust settles, I see not just one, nor two, but dozens upon dozens of the robots.

?Nope,? Mokou grins, as an entire battalion charges her.

I watch in amazement until Mokou reminds me, ?How about firing some rockets!? as she decapitates one robot with her axe, using its head as a shot put to take out a second. I exit my daze, reloading my launcher as fast as I can before aiming beyond the girl at the oncoming machines. I fire four shots, four times turning machines into bits of scrap metal. I reload, watching the battle unfold as Mokou uses her flamethrower, setting alight the barrage of metal warriors as thousands of dollars flood out of their dead comrades.

?They bleed money when you burn them?? I shout.

As one of the machines picks up the bomb, Mokou flips a switch on her flamethrower and sends the robot back with a blast of air before shooting it with her shotgun. ?I ain?t complaining. Don?t think too hard about it!? she yells back, as I stuff a forth rocket into the back of my launcher. As Mokou slaughters everything that approaches the hole in the ground, three of the bots go wide, avoiding her carnage to instead home in on me. I fire all my rockets in rapid succession, tearing the lead one to shreds while the other use him as cover from my attacks. No time to reload, I pull out my pistol and fire everything in it wildly towards the approaching machines. Out of pure chance at least a couple of my bullets must have hit, as a second one goes down. But the third one is on top of me now, and I have barely a second to block his bat with my hammer before I am knocked to the ground. The robot strikes the long wooden handle of my sledgehammer again and again with his aluminum bat, cracking the wood as the machine enters a dialogue loop of ?Put a dispenser put a dispenser put a dispenser-dispenser-disdisdisdis-d-d-d-d-d-? Its head then violently explodes, revealing Mokou standing over me, gun still smoking.

She says, ?Not bad. You lived through the first wave.? With my breath heavy and my hands shaking, Mokou helps me off the ground.

?Can I leave yet?? I ask.

?Soon. Although I have to ask, do you even want to?? Mokou asks back. Of course I want to leave. Her world is mad, and it nearly killed me. And yet?

?I don?t know what your deal is,? Mokou says, stopping to hack up some more blood. ?But if you?ve been seeking the desolation of abandoned towns in the middle of deserts, you can?t have much of a life to go back to.? She pauses, letting her words sink in as she scans the remains of that strange robot carrier. I wonder what she?s looking for, until I spot it too, movement from within the broken vehicle?s gaping maw, revealing a tractor with tank treads that forces its way the carrier?s mangled floor. Mokou says, ?Decide later. We have a job to finish,? as she retreats into the armory. A moment later she rolls out the mini-gun, forcing all her weight against it and making absolutely no attempt to lift it off the ground.

?Alright, the minigun is simple. Hold the trigger until all the bullets are gone. You can?t lift it, it weighs 300 pounds, so as long as you?re here help me get it in front of that hole.?

?Shouldn?t we just use something lighter then?? I say, as I attempt to force it into position. I can barely budge the thing, I can?t even imagine a person strong enough to lift it by it?s handle.

?Trust me, I would, but this thing is the best weapon we have for tanks.?

?That tractor thing isn?t much of a tank though.?

?Looks harmless, doesn?t it? Don?t let looks deceive you, sure it won?t land a single shot, but once it gets through, kablooey!? Mokou then re-enters the armory, throwing out of its doors every rocket launcher and grenade launcher she can find into a pile next to the mini ?gun, two dozen of each, by my count. ?It?s a simple plan, really,? she says, throwing me a new launcher from the pile, as she picks one up for herself. ?We hit it with everything we?ve got!? she says, finishing her sentence with the explosion of rocket fire as she hits the tank again and again. The girl doesn?t stop to reload, instead picking up a new launcher each time she tosses aside a spent one. I follow her lead, and the two of us leave no launcher unspent as the air fills with smoke.

?We aren?t done,? Mokou says as she picks up a grenade launcher, and sure enough when the smoke clear, like some invinsible goliath, the tank clearly and obviously struggles forwards. I take great comfort that the dents and dings mean we?ve made progress, but I am amazed anything on earth can survive so many explosions. ?Start up the mini-gun!? she says, guiding my hand to the trigger with her left hand as her right fires grenade after grenade at the tank. Not the spike balls either, but definitive grenades, each flash red before blowing up within 3, maybe 4 seconds.

The gun spins to life, and it takes all my effort to simply keep it firing forwards. If it were mounted, it would be my favorite gun of the bunch, the weapon tears through tank armor like a knife through butter with the accuracy and consistency of a paper airplane. ?Not very good at long distances,? Mokou explains, ?But easily the most powerful gun we have.?

I fire hundreds upon hundreds of bullets into the tank, ruining its treads, tearing off its armor, setting it on fire, but when the last bullet is spent, it presses on. Mokou quickly dives into the armory, and throws me one of two shotguns, firing the other repeatedly into every hole the minigun left. ?Leave the spent weapons,? she says, ?Aim right for the holes in its armor.? She blasts away at any bit of internal circuitry she can find, and I follow her lead, the machine sparkin and slowing until in creeps directly a mere foot away from the hole. Its chassis opens up, revealing a second bomb held by two robotic arms. The arms slowly lift the bomb over the Mann Co. World headquarters hole.

?Stay down!? Mokou says, hurling me into the armory.

?What about you?? I shout, as the doors slam behind me. I then hear 6 shots in rapid succession. And then six more. Then I hear a thud, followed by silence.

The door creaks open as Mokou enters the armory.

?We won?? I ask.

?Er? yeah, kind of,? Mokou coughs. She opens the door wide, and I see both the bomb and the tank. The tanks gears are spinning wildly, as Mokou says, ?You mentioned you had a thing for electronics, right??

?Yeah, they tend to break around me.?

Mokou looks at the tank, then at me. Then she says, ?How would you like to kill robots for cash??