Author Topic: Scritt's Shorts  (Read 5244 times)

Scrittore

Scritt's Shorts
« on: December 28, 2011, 03:45:02 AM »
Compilation

Another Famous Scene Stolen By A Uninspired Writer!

"I, Kochiya Sanae, apologize for the trouble that my gods and I have caused you...." slurred the Moriya priest. Purple bruises littered her arms and face, and a bandage had been wrapped around her head, the strip of white standing out against her grass green hair.

Reimu glared down at the bowing girl, before relenting and offering her a hand. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just don't do stuff like this again, okay? Or else I'll come and beat you guys up again."

Several days ago, the Moriya trio had caused quite a stir in Gensokyo with their most recent attempt to gather faith. They had set up a wrestling ring in the Human Village, where Suwako and Kanako had duked it out for approximately five minutes, before Reimu came and beat up both gods and one godling.

"Ah, by the way Reimu-san!" Sanae straightened up and beamed at the other shrine maiden.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to see my butt?"

Several hours later.

"Gyaaah! Yasaka-samaaaa!!" Sanae burst into the Moriya shrine's main room. Kanako had been reclining against a folded up futon, but she sat up when Sanae came running in, sporting a few more injuries than before. Suwako groaned and sluggishly dragged herself over to the side of the sliding doors.

"What happened, Sanae?" Kanako grabbed the girl by the elbows before she had a chance to tackle the goddess.

"I did what you told me to, but I think I've just made things a whole lot worse!"

Kanako stared at her priestess for a full minute before remembering what she had told Sanae before she had left to apologize.

"Y-You actually did it.....?"

"Yeah! Because you told me that in Gensokyo, butts were the language of friendship, remember!?"

"Aaauuu~ Sanae is so gullible...."

"Hey! I'm not the one who German-suplexed Yasaka-sama right in front of Shameimaru!"

"Your also not the one who confiscated her camera and threatened the bird until she promised not to report it!" Kanako snapped.

"Aaauuuu! It was your idea to have that wrestling match!" Suwako flailed about as she spoke. "If it weren't for you, this wouldn't have happened~!"

"Why are you so bratty today!?"

"Agh, please stop fighting! I don't want to have to repair the shrine again!!"

"You think I'm bratty, Bakanako?! Fine! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!!" Suwako pursed her lips and turned away from the bigger goddess, pouting in a truly childish manner. Behind her, Kanako gawked and Sanae facepalmed.

"WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A COUCH!! Hey! Don't snicker! Oi! Listen to me when I'm talking to you! OII!"

Sanae got up. "I'm going to go read some Gundam, Suwako-sama, Yasaka-sama." The now-brawling goddesses ignored her.

Overall, a regular day at the Moriya Shrine.

X.X.X.X

Rereads post. Headbang.

I'm usually not this cracky/crappy, I swear......

« Last Edit: April 07, 2012, 03:27:09 PM by Scrittore »

Scrittore

Re: Scritt's Mostly Humorous Leopard Print Shorts!
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2011, 08:33:36 PM »
It's Not A Game!

You're always so angry whenever I step up to take the brunt of a monster's attack. You always step up from behind me, and with a few swift punches, the creature disappears and is replaced by some gold or a power up. Every time I do something like this, you always spend the rest of our dungeon run lecturing me about how you can take care of yourself, the words appearing above you at a record-breaking pace even as you destroy our enemies. I read every word you tell me, but I cannot understand them.

Whenever I try to help you, try to stop you from rushing forwards and hurting yourself, you push me away. Friendly fire is not allowed in the game, so I do not take any damage, but the message that your action sends is clear to me:

"I don't need your help."

If I were to take a completely unbiased view on our actions, I would agree. You're a fire brawler, and I'm a magical archer. We would be much more effective if I were to stand back and shoot arrows at our target, while you deplete its health with close-range attacks.

But that's not what I do. In the end, I always end up charging at the monster alongside you, drawing my secondary weapon and slashing at it until it's dead. You get angry then, and once we clear the dungeon, you always tell me how annoying it is to have to keep supplying me with health potions whenever we team up..... And then you log off once you're done with your rant.

And once you're gone, I always go and find other party members to fight with. I perform with surgical precision, leveling up at a steady rate. But the second you come back, I run right over to where you are, determined to prove myself to you. Even if you refuse to let me go with you, I follow. From a distance, of course. Thankfully, the game allows you to double-team a monster, so whenever you're in a tight spot, I shoot at whatever creature dares to harm you. You never see me, of course, but I think you know I'm there.

There are times where I can't help, and you are felled by some lucky blow or a critical hit. I always rush out after that. To see your crumpled form hurts a lot, as if you really had been killed in reality.

I know it's just a game, but to see you like that is painful....

Crimson Watchguard, why are you so proud? Why must you scorn me? Why do you bite whenever you're injured? Why won't you let me help you?

I never asked you those questions. I know my place in our dysfunctional relationship. You are the raging fire, and I am the shadow that you cast. I don't want to outshine you at all, do anything to make those beautiful flames falter.....

Too bad it happened. One day, you logged off and never came back. I asked everyone who knew you, those who had met in-game and in reality.

The players I spoke to told me a lot about you, Fujiwara Mokou. About how your eyes were red, and how pale your hair was. And how messed up your family was. I found out that you were about my age, and that you had a knack with making firecrackers.

Most people would consider this stalking, but I don't. I only want to know more about a person who never let me get close to them.

I'm going to find you someday, Mokou. I don't know where you are right now, but I'll find you. 

And then, for once, I'll hear you say my name. Not my character name, but my real one. Someday, I'll see your lips form those words:

"Houraisan Kaguya."

X.X.X.X.X

Gamer-Mokou and Kaguya. A crappy one-shot based on another fic I once read. Made on the fly with no plot and...... This short isn't funny at all.....  :ohdear:
« Last Edit: December 29, 2011, 12:31:40 AM by Scrittore »

Scrittore

Re: Scritt's Mostly Humorous Leopard Print Shorts!
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2012, 10:48:40 PM »
Maybe This Will Make Confessions of Love Easier?



Reimu is red,
Cirno is blue,
Words cannot describe,
How much I love you.
 
If by chance,
Affection turns to hate,
I'll pull a Remilia,
And rewrite our fate.

When Tenshi is bored,
And the sky turns red,
Together we'll stay,
Until we are dead.

My loyalty to you,
Will last forever,
This is one thing,
Youmu cannot sever.

You burn brighter,
Than Mokou's flame,
My life was dull,
Until you came.

I have yet to lie to you,
Unlike a black-and-white,
That is why we will never,
Get into a fight.

You are as honest,
As the green-haired Yama,
Indeed much better,
Than Yukari-sama.

I am deaf,
To all but your song,
Being near you,
Makes me strong.

My beloved tomboyish girl,
I love you so,
If you don't accept my feelings,
Well, at least there's Touhou!


......

Yeah, this is the best poem I've ever written. Man, if Drako could see me now, she'd swat me over the head for doing so badly on my first two posts. Don't expect anything from me very soon, 'cause I've got another story I'm working on. Oh yeah, this is dedicated to my teacher, lost to me forever....

Because I forgot to ask for her email.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2012, 05:26:42 PM by Scrittore »

Scrittore

Re: Scritt's Mostly Humorous Leopard Print Shorts!
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2012, 05:05:34 AM »
The Best Replacement

Shinki paced up and down the pews of the church corridor. Sunlight streamed through the stained glass windows, illuminating her from behind. The goddess?s silver hair shone even as the rest of her body became shadowed, giving her a slightly sinister appearance.

"Shinki-sama, Alice-sama has disappeared! I can't find her!"

Shinki closed her eyes. A few days prior, the shrine maiden of Gensokyo had barged into Makai, along with three other companions. The group had destroyed nearly half of Makai, although Shinki had to admit that a good percentage of the devastation had been caused by her own hubris. She regreted not reinforcing the entrance to Makai.

Then again, it wasn?t like she couldn?t repair the damage. And no one had died in the Gensokyans? invasion, thank the gods. So Shinki wasn?t particularly upset about the intrusion.

What did upset her was the fact that her beloved daughter had left Makai without telling anyone.

Shinki sighed and ran her fingers through her silver hair. Perhaps it was for the better that Alice had left without telling her. Shinki knew for certain that she would probably have done anything to make Alice stay. And she understood that if she had tried to do so, Alice would never have forgiven her. Shinki knew that what Alice had done was for the best, but?

It still hurt.

Not many people knew, but Makai?s goddess always went to churches when she became troubled. Shinki often had to dodge crowds of adoring demons and devils to reach the few churches near Pandemonium, but she always went whenever she became disturbed, regardless of how long she would have to wait in order to get the church to herself.

Shinki breathed in and exhaled, before collapsing into one of the pews. She bent forwards and rested her elbows on her knees, covering her face with her hands.

It was a little embarrassing really, how precious Alice was to her. Alice was nothing more than a young human who had stumbled into the demon realm, but Shinki had taken her in without a second thought. After all, adopting one human ward would not drain Shinki in the slightest, and as a bonus, the goddess could use taking care of the girl as an excuse to escape Yumeko and the dreaded tortures of paperwork!

Shinki sighed and smiled as nostalgia washed over her. Alice had unexpectedly wormed herself into the goddess?s affections in a manner that no one else ever had. Alice had made Shinki want to protect her, to love her, and to watch her grow. It had been a truly wonderful mother-daughter relationship.

But now it was over. The little daughter had grown up and left, and now the mother was left alone.

Shinki?s smile turned bitter, and she looked up, expecting to see the plain wooden beams that held up the church ceiling.

What she saw instead made her leap into the air, a good nine yards away from the pew she had been sitting on.

The thing that had shocked the goddess so was no inanimate object; rather, it was a woman. She was floating upside down and had long, disheveled green hair and eyes of the same color. For some reason, the lower half of the woman?s body was made out of mist, and the mist itself formed a blue skirt.

Shinki knew her. Well, knew a little bit about her, at least.

?? Ah. If it isn?t one of the humans? eight million gods? Didn?t I tell you to leave Makai, miss?? Shinki gave the woman a plastic smile.  The woman smirked right back and quickly righted herself.

?You did. But I don?t see why I should have to obey you.? said the woman.

?Really now? Even though I could probably blow you to bits? Right here, right now?? Shinki couldn?t help but grin a bit as the spirit woman raised a brow.

?You didn?t do it when Reimu attacked you. You didn?t do it when Yuuka wrecked half of Makai. You didn?t do it when Marisa beat up your subjects; hell, you didn?t even try to blow me up when I put your daughter in a maid outfit! If you didn?t do it then, you wouldn?t do it now.? laughed the woman.

Shinki?s face stiffened at the mention of her daughter, but she hid it as best she could. ?Well, Alice had disobeyed my direct orders to stay away from the fighting. Disobedient children must be shown the consequences of their actions.?

The spirit smirked and floated closer. The goddess tensed slightly, ready to attack should the spirit become aggressive.

?Well,? the Gensokyan drawled. ?Aren?t you quite the disciplinarian? Maybe that?s the reason your girl ran away.?

Shinki stiffened, and irritation washed over her. ?Ah? So you know?? The green haired woman gave her another cocky smile and shrugged.

?Maybe I do, maybe I don?t.? said the spirit. ?Oh, hell, who am I kidding? Of course I know.?

?Hm.? Shinki?s voice became slightly uneasy. ?And how did you find out? Did you see her leave? Is she alright??

?Oh?? the woman grinned. ?And here I thought you let her leave. Did you not know??

Shinki bit back a small sigh of annoyance. This spirit certainly knew how to aggravate people. She was almost as bad as the other green-haired Gensokyan, the playful one who destroyed half of Makai.

?Miss? Oh, I?m sorry. What?s your name?? Despite her irritation, Shinki still felt impolite for not asking the other woman?s name.

?Mima, the Evil Spirit and goddess of Gensokyo.?

That was probably a lie, Shinki thought. Still, she humored the spirit. ?I see? Well Miss Mima, I did not know that my daughter had left Makai until my maid, Yumeko, informed me that Alice had gone missing. We searched Pandemonium together until we found her goodbye letter.?

?And here I thought you knew everything that goes down in Makai,? Mima said, her tone slightly mocking. "You can't even sense the departure of one little girl?"   

?That would be creepy, to see and comprehend every little thing someone does,? muttered Shinki. ?So Miss Mima, are you going to tell me what has become of my daughter, or will I have to wring that information out of you??

Mima frowned, and floated closer to the goddess. This time Shinki did not react, and let the Gensokyan approach. Only when they were face to face did the spirit speak.

?No need for any wringing, thank you very much. Your kid is fine; she snuck into Gensokyo at night, when Reimu was asleep.?

?I would have thought that the guardian of the Barrier would be more vigilant.? sighed Shinki. Knowing Alice was safe had lifted a great load off of her shoulders and made her more amicable to her guest. 

?Nein, Reimu?s a lazy bum outside of Incidents or life-threatening situations.? Mima said as she slowly drifted down towards the church pews. She touched down and sat down on a bench. Shinki followed her and settled onto the pew just in front of her, sitting so that she was facing Mima.

And then the goddess voiced her suspicion. ?Miss Mima, about Alice.?

?What about her? I already told you that she was safe in Gensokyo, right??

?Yes, you did, and I thank you for that. But it seems to me that you are the type of person to have a bad habit of lying. And I really don?t appreciate it when people lie while giving me important news.? Shinki?s perpetual smile disappeared, only to be replaced by a cold, stoic poker face.

?Why would I lie to you? What could I possibly gain from doing that? I don?t give a damn about the Incident you caused. I could care less about Makai or its residents, and believe me, if I had wanted something I would have taken it after I beat you and your daughter,? Mima said, slightly unnerved by the sudden change in the goddess. ?Trust me, I have no ulterior motives; I only came to Makai because your demons were overrunning my territory. Your girl is fine.?

Despite the spirit?s assurances, the silver-haired woman still shot her a disbelieving stare.

?Mein Gott,? Mima sighed. ?C?mere, I?ve got proof.?

Shinki warily flipped over the back of the bench and landed onto Mima?s pew, right next to the spirit. Mima lifted her hand, palm-up, and summoned a ball of magic. Shinki?s senses tingled as they registered and recognized Mima?s signature sense of power, something she had a taste of a few days ago when the spirit and her fellow Gensokyans invaded Makai.

The ball stretched and flattened itself out into a smooth, light blue screen, which flashed white and made Shinki blink. Once the light died away, the goddess could see that the monitor displayed Alice?s figure. Her daughter looked very different, and her background was unfamiliar. Alice now had the body of a girl in her late teens, and her blonde hair was a bit longer and wavier. Her clothes were more varied now, although her main color scheme still remained blue and white. The goddess was pleasantly surprised to see that her daughter was wearing a caplet. Alice had always hated them, despite how often Shinki encouraged her to wear one. Shinki hoped that it was a sign that she missed her mother?after all, the goddess was the only one who wore a caplet in the demon realm.

The Alice on the screen seemed to be sitting inside a run-down cottage, carving a doll and frowning intensely. Shinki smiled a bit at that. Alice had always loved dolls. She vaguely remembered her sleeping with one named Hourai, always using it as a security blanket of a sort.

?She?s alright?? whispered the goddess.

?Huh? That?s your daughter? I thought I got the wrong person! I saw her right after the Incident was resolved, and she was just a little kid then! When did she get so big?? asked Mima.

?By using the power of the grimoire. I guess that Alice couldn?t wait to grow up, and aged herself using its full power. Or she changed her species with it.?

?Ah. And you aren?t upset about that?? Mima seemed a bit surprised.

?If Alice were still in my care, I would have been absolutely furious. But now that?s she?s off in Gensokyo, away from my influence? Her decisions are her own.? The goddess smiled demurely and ran her fingers through her silver hair.

Mima stared at her intensely, her face blank and unreadable. Shinki was a bit unnerved.

?So, ah? Miss Mima!? said the goddess. ?Why have you returned to Makai?? The spirit did not respond at first, but slowly snapped back to reality.

?Huh? Oh, sorry. I was thinking about something.?

?If I may ask, what were you thinking about?? asked Shinki.

?I was thinking about sie. But don?t ask me about what I was thinking about, I?d rather you find out yourself.? Mima said. Her pale cheeks turned a bit pink. ?As for why I returned to Makai??

A sie? Was that an object or a person? Was that even in Japanese? Questions flitted through the goddess?s mind, but she decided to ignore them, as the spirit had specifically told her not to ask. ?Yes? Why did you return to Makai??

?I met someone while I was here. That person was very interesting, so I thought I?d come back and see he?I mean ?that person?.? Mima?s face grew a bit redder as she spoke.

?Is that so? Did you find that person?? Shinki asked curiously.

?Ja, I did.? Mima clamped her mouth shut and looked down at her ghostly lap, obviously not wanting to speak about such a subject anymore. ?Hey, can you let me stay at your place for a while? I don?t really feel like going back to Gensokyo for a while.?

?Why? Is it because of this person in Makai?? teased Shinki.

?? Ja?? Mima grinned sheepishly.

?Hmm.? The silver-haired goddess pursed her lips and pretended to think about it. ?Well, since it seems like your motives are? relatively pure, I?ll let you bum off of me??

?Danke very much??

?Under one condition.? Mima stopped halfway through her sentence as Shinki revealed her catch. The spirit swallowed.

?What is it??

?I want you to ask me while using my name. You haven?t said it at all, you know?? Shinki grinned childishly and leaned closer to Mima. She stopped when their faces were only a few inches away from each other.

Mima?s face grew very red, almost as red as Shinki?s caplet. The goddess laughed inwardly. She liked Mima, she was fun!

?? Fine. Shinki,? Mima?s emerald eyes stood out against her red face, making them sparkle brilliantly. ?Can I stay at your place for a while??

 Shinki smiled, and suddenly jerked away from Mima, tilting her head back as she did so, her side ponytail brushing her shoulders. The goddess burst out laughing.

?Oi, shut up! Aw, damn it. And this is after all the information I gave you on your daughter too!? cursed Mima.

?Ah, well, I already said thank you for that, yes?? Shinki stopped laughing, but the mirth never left her voice. ?If you had asked me to take you in before talking to me about Alice, I would probably have beaten you to pieces and let Yumeko turn you into stew. Now though??

Mima turned away. ?Damn it, I guess it?s no use talking to such an ungrateful goddess. I?m leaving!? Despite Mima?s words, Shinki noticed that a distinctly teasing tone colored her threat.

?Ah, my apologies, Madam Mima. This humble goddess will escort you to your new quarters~!? Shinki said in a singsong tone. The spirit?s face turned a bit red as the silver-haired woman grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the church.

Alice might have left her, Shinki reflected, but when she did, at least she left someone to keep her mother company.

Shinki let out one more laugh, and then spirit and demon took to the air. 



.......

I ship them. I totally do. Oh, and German Mima? No real basis, I just thought it'd be awesome.

At any rate, did you think I wouldn't update for a while? Too bad, I lied! Here's to spring break and free time, people!

Google-Translated German: ( Tell me if it's wrong )

Nein: No

Ja: Yes

Mein Gott: My God

Sie: You

Danke: Thanks
« Last Edit: April 04, 2012, 02:41:25 PM by Scrittore »

Alfred F. Jones

  • Estamos orgullosos del Batall?n Lincoln
  • *
  • y de la lucha que hizo por Madrid
Re: Scritt's Mostly Humorous Leopard Print Shorts!
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2012, 09:10:03 PM »
I read this Mima x Shinki story and, liking it, went back to read your other shorts. I quite enjoy your writing style and look forward to more.

Scrittore

Re: Scritt's Mostly Humorous Leopard Print Shorts!
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2012, 05:03:36 AM »
You Win Some, You Lose Some!

Reimu sipped her tea and sighed contentedly. It was a nice day. The sun was shining, the skies were blue, and there were no incidents to solve or crazy humans popping in to ‘visit’…

 Reimu was still thinking these peaceful thoughts when something hard slammed into the back of her head and knocked her out.

“—is she… up? Open… eyes… Hit her… hard? No, wait, she’s…. Okay, she’s up… ze!”

Reimu groggily opened her eyes and groaned as the blurred figures of her assaulters focused. She tried to move, but found her arms and legs bound with rope. She squirmed, and when she could finally make out who had dared to attack her, Reimu nearly burst a gasket.

“YUKARI!!” the shrine maiden roared. “What did you do to me!?”

“Oh, no worries Reimu. We didn't do anything harmful to you. That would be counter-productive.” chuckled the gap youkai.

“Yeah, no need to be bitchy Reimu! We’ve been gettin’ worried about you, ze! This is all so that you can get a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, da ze!” Marisa grinned and thumbed her nose. “The Hakurei line isn’t going to continue itself, Reddie!”

“What!?” Reimu screamed. “What're you talking about!? Are you planning to rape me or something!?” Yukari and Marisa glanced at each other, before bursting into laughter.

“Gahahaha! You!? Are you kiddin' me, ze?” guffawed Marisa.

“I’m sorry Reimu, but Yuyuko would kill me if I so much as sneezed at another woman.” Yukari chuckled. “At any rate, we’re not going to violate you.”

The shrine maiden gave her a suspicious glare. “Oh really?”

“Really, ze!  Don’t worry, we’re not gonna touch you. Oh, but we are setting up speed dates for you to get to know people better, so you should get cleaned up, da ze! “

“You what!? Wait, what do you mean by speed dates? Yukari, what the hell is Marisa talking about!?” Reimu struggled against her bonds, but failed to remove them. “Yukari, tell me what she’s talking about!”

“Relax Reimu, just take it easy. Things will be explained soon, so just sit tight for a while.” Yukari smiled mysteriously and gapped out of the room. Marisa stuck around for a few minutes, mostly to tease and laugh at Reimu, before leaving. Reimu sat alone for at least ten minutes, growling and swearing bloody revenge under her breath.

Eventually though, she calmed down enough to stop damning the two blondes to Shinki and merely sat still, waiting for either Yukari or Marisa to finally come back and finally give her some exposition.

Five minutes later, a gap opened underneath the shrine maiden and she found herself staring into a crowd of enthusiastic Reimu-fans, shrine maiden fetishists, and even a few people she knew personally. 

“Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Hakurei Speed Dating Festival where --for a small price of five hundred yen-- you get to spend exactly five minutes alone with Hakurei Reimu, the Shrine Maiden of Paradise!” Reimu looked to her left and nearly choked when she saw the announcer: Shameimaru Aya, handsome and dashing in a red tuxedo vest and matching dress pants.

The audience began murmuring, and Reimu saw Mima sitting in the front row, smirking and whispering to Yuuka, who was wearing her perpetually creepy smile and staring right at Reimu. 

“Ayayaya, alright, does everyone understand? All customers get five minutes with Reimu, but if Hakurei hits her buzzer, you leave immediately! If not, our bouncers will drag you out! No refunds and you will wait your turn! The speed date will take place in the room behind me, and no, the date will not be monitored! You will be given utmost privacy, unless Reimu panics and presses her 'help me' buzzer! Does anyone have any questions?” the tengu asked.

No hands were raised, but the audience was starting to get rowdy. Some men in the back began to cheer, and soon the rest of the crowd joined in. Mima was doubled over laughing, and Yuuka was starting to giggle.

“Alright then, we start now! Number One, please enter the Date-Room!” Aya helped the first customer up onto the stage and then untied Reimu.

The shrine maiden immediately went for her spell cards, but found them missing. She balled up her fists and considered punching the tengu when Aya began whispering in her ear.

“Ayayaya…. Don’t worry Reimu; if you can endure this, then Miss Yakumo will give you fifty percent of the Festival’s profits.” Aya murmured in an unusually worried tone. “And please, actually try to make it through the five minutes! If you don’t play nice, I’ll have to become Miss Yukari’s shikigami! My freedom is on the line here!”

Reimu raised her eyebrows and quickly weighed her options. She did a quick mental count of how much food was left in her pantry and how many donations she received that month. Then she measured how bored and irritated she was, and if the money was really worth the trouble.

She soon decided that it was.

“Fine. But I’ll be having words with her later…” grumbled the shrine maiden as she followed Minoriko into the room. 

The date chamber was surprisingly plain. There were no windows, and only two armchairs and a small coffee table with a buzzer on it furnished the room. Reimu flopped into one seat and Number One--a small, mousy human girl— sat in the chair across the table. 

“H-Hello, my name is Ai. From the Human Village.” said the thin, dark-haired girl.

“Oh. Well, hello. My name’s Haku—“

“—HOLY CRAP, I KNOW! I-I-I’ve b-b-been a fan of you since y-y-you saved my mom from youkai back when y-you still had purple hair! I-I usually d-d-donate once a m-month! A-At night, when you’re sleeping! I-I sometimes hang around in the m-m-morning too, b-but you never s-s-see me because I'm up in a t-tree!”

Reimu slammed her hand down on the panic button. “GET THIS CREEPY CHICK OUTTA HERE!”

The door flew open and a blue clad arm snatched the back of the girl’s kimono, dragging her out of the room. Mima floated inside and smirked at Reimu.

“How’s it going?” the spirit asked.

“How many of those stalkers am I dating?!” the shrine maiden gasped.

“Oh don’t worry; I'm sure that the number of wackos will be in the twenties, right?” Mima grinned and whacked Reimu’s shoulder playfully. “Damn, I wouldn’t want to be you right about now!”

Reimu opened her mouth to reply, but Mima quickly drifted out of the room.

The buzzer suddenly sounded, and Aya’s voice seemed to come from it. “Number One has been thrown out of the game! Next please!”

Reimu prayed to the gods that the next person wouldn’t be a weirdo.

He was. And so was the next guy, and girl after him, and the girl after her…

“What the hell is up with all the freaks!? Is there anyone here who’s actually NORMAL!?” Reimu eventually screamed, frightening the latest creep in line.

“M-M-Miss Hakurei--!”

Without looking at the strange suitor, Reimu slammed her hand down on the button, and Mima came in, dragged him out, and waved goodbye to Reimu. “That’s it, I’m done! It’s over! No more!!”

She rested her head on her arms and let out a huge sigh. Yukari and Marisa would tease her mercilessly for losing her cool like that. Reimu hoped that she could still get that half profit deal. It would suck if she went through psychological torture for nothing.

Someone entered the room. Reimu lifted her head to scream at the intruder to get out, before she saw who it was.

A young woman with long, lime green hair and bright blue eyes. Reimu’s “rival”, Kochiya Sanae.

“Hey Reimu!” Sanae chirped cheerfully, sliding into the vacant armchair. “I heard that you were doing this speed dating thing, and I decided to come over! You know, I used to do this a lot in the Outside World too, but I usually got looped in with a bunch of perverts…”

Reimu listened to Sanae babble on and on. Normally, she would have been annoyed at the other shrine maiden’s inanity and slight vapidity, but after such a harrowing day, she actually found Sanae’s voice pleasant and comforting.

The two shrine maidens remained like that for several minutes, Sanae talking, and Reimu staring at her and half-listening. Eventually Sanae stood up.

“Ah, sorry for making you listen to me for so long, Reimu.” said the green-haired priestess. She reached into a hidden pocket in her skirt and pulled out some coins. “Oh! And I forgot to pay Aya for the speed date as well, so….” Sanae counted out several five-hundred yen coins and waved goodbye.

“I guess I’ll see you around Rei--!” Reimu wrapped her arms around Sanae’s torso, keeping her in place.

“No. Stay.” growled the red and white. Sanae didn’t blush, but Reimu did. “I… uh, I’ve got to thank you. For… er… Being normal.”

“Normal? That’s not good, I can’t be normal in Gensokyo!” Sanae cried. “If you rely on common sense in Gensokyo, you get weaker!”

“That’s not what I meant…” sighed Reimu. She could hardly believe that her fellow shrine maiden was THAT shallow. “I meant that you’re the only sane person I’ve ‘dated’ today.”

“Really? But Reimu, you realize that the only reason they're going crazy about you is because you're so... so... I mean, of course they’re going to go crazy over you! I ah...,” Sanae broke free from Reimu’s embrace and looked her up and down. “Reimu, you’re hot!”

Reimu’s face turned red. She didn’t know what was worse, the fact that Sanae was flirting with her without realizing that she was, or the fact that the sanest person she had ever dated was a clueless ditz.

“… Thanks. I guess.” Then Reimu decided that she wanted to turn the tables around. “You’re pretty good looking yourself.”

To punctuate her point, Reimu grabbed Sanae’s hand and dragged her down as Reimu collapsed into an empty armchair.

“R-Reimu?” Sanae’s red face made for an interesting contrast with her hair. The red and white was rather reminded of Christmas.

“Pipe down, pipe down…” grumbled Reimu. “Just because the speed date is over doesn’t mean we can’t spend more time together.”

"Wh-What?"

Both shrine maidens were so occupied with each other than neither noticed a small gap opening up in the corner of the room.

“Just as planned ze?”

“No, not really. Truth be told, I had no idea that Reimu had a thing for the child of Moriya.” Yukari rested one hand on her cheek.

“Huh. Well, did we achieve our goal?”

Yukari peered into her gap and watched as Reimu and Sanae got cozier and cozier.

“Yes, yes we did.”



.....

What is this madness? I wasted two days writing this? Aw man...

Oh, by the way, does anyone know how to change the title of this thread/topic? If you do, can you tell me? Please?

Next Time:

Touhou, The Musical!!


Or something like that.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2012, 09:39:38 PM by Scrittore »

Alfred F. Jones

  • Estamos orgullosos del Batall?n Lincoln
  • *
  • y de la lucha que hizo por Madrid
Re: Scritt's Mostly Humorous Leopard Print Shorts!
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2012, 09:45:16 AM »
Oh, by the way, does anyone know how to change the title of this thread/topic? If you do, can you tell me? Please?
It's easy. Just hit the 'modify' button on your very first post and edit the topic title line.

And hmm, a musical? I'm intrigued.

Scrittore

Re: Scritt's Mostly Humorous Leopard Print Shorts!
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2012, 03:26:32 PM »
Thanks so much!!

Scrittore

Re: Scritt's Shorts
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2012, 04:07:52 AM »
Touhou, Two Songs, Two Musicals!


Sanae sat in Hatate?s office, her hands outstretched as the tengu sat painting them a pale shade of green. ?Now you?ll be ready for your debut as Gensokyo?s first idol!?

?I-I guess, b-but H-Hata-tan, I?m worried?? Sanae stammered.

?Why? Your singing is awesome! And you?re like, the prettiest human on the Youkai Mountain!? Hatate waved her brush about, not caring that she splattered a few drops on her skirt.

?Hata-tan, I?m the only human on Youkai Mountain.? sighed the wind priestess. Despite her slight bout of derision, she still smiled at the tengu?s botched attempt at reassurance.

?Alright, you?re like, totally done Sanae! Go and rack up a bunch of fans and give me exclusive reporting rights to your concerts, okay?? Hatate said as she waved goodbye to the departing shrine maiden.

?Alright, it?s like, time for my secondary job!? cheered the tengu. She quickly undid her hair and unbuttoned her shirt?

.......

Shameimaru Aya hated it when she had to share offices with her fellow tengu.

?Ayayaya, keep your hands off of my reports you dog!? Aya swiped at the younger youkai with her fan, summoning a small breeze to knock him off his feet.

?Hey, we?re all friends here! Can?t you share a bit?? the male tengu asked sulkily.

?I grazed my butt off for this material youngster! I?m not letting you steal it!? growled Aya, clutching the papers to her chest. The other tengu snorted but moved away from his more-powerful senior.

The fastest in Genoskyo glared at her fellow youkai, wanting to make sure that her report was safe from copy-cats. When all the other tengu backed off, she sighed and began preparing the next day?s newspaper. But just before Aya could start printing her issues, a female tengu ran into the room, disturbing the small crowd of reporter tengu.

?Oh? Oh my gods!? panted the dark-haired woman. Aya gave her a strange stare. ?Th-The new delivery tengu is like? is like? IS LIKE WALK-IN PORN~!!!?   

?? Ayaya?.ya?? asked Aya. The gasping tengu glanced at her.

?The old delivery tengu got fired and this new one replaced him and? Oh gods, she?s like the embodiment of sex-appeal!!? squealed the tengu.

Aya was about to open her mouth and respond, but before she could, a familiar voice reached her ears.

?Hey, I?ve like, got a package!?

Aya growled. ?Himekaidou Hatate!?

?You know her??

?Girl thinks she?s my rival or something?? Aya grumbled. Was the younger tengu stalking her or something?

The door creaked open, and Hatate walked in?

?Hatate walked IN!

Everyone in the room stopped and stared as Hatate--dressed in a mostly unbuttoned beige shirt and shorts?casually strolled into the office. At least, it seemed casual. To the other tengu, it seemed as though Hatate was floating in on air.

Yes, everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

??Oh? oh my?!? one of the tengu gasped.

Hatate balanced the large box on one arm and casually tugged on her short-sleeved shirt?s collar.

The male youkai who tried to steal Aya?s material hurriedly sat down and crossed his legs.

Hatate took the package in both hands and spun it expertly, accidently flashing cleavage as she bent down to glance at the recipient of the delivery.

The tengu who first announced Hatate?s arrival fanned herself and started a small whirlwind.

Hatate looked up and grinned, her teeth gleaming sexily.

Another tengu put a hand to her chest, gasping. ?No, no! I?m straight, dammit!?

Hatate?s hair streamed behind her dramatically as she spoke without her usual accent. ?Hey, I?ve got a package for Miss Doe?? 

The whole room--with the exception of Aya--swooned. The reporter yawned and looked around. Seriously, what was going on? It was only Hatate, the annoying young brat.

Hatate looked around and identified the owner of the package and tossed it to her. Aya had to catch it as Miss Doe collapsed in a dead faint.

Hatate glanced at Aya and winked. ?Give my regards to the lovely lady when she wakes up.? She turned and walked out the door, calling out as she left. ?Have yourselves a super day!!?

Aya?s jaw dropped. ?Ayayaya?! What just happened??

For some reason, music began playing. Aya turned to see that one of the tengu had procured one of the kappa?s music boxes out of nowhere and had turned it on. Everyone else got to their feet and surrounded Aya.

?Ooh!? they all cried as they struck random poses. Aya gawked.
 
?It?s not yet eveeniing~? the tengu sang. Aya pinched herself.

?But something sexy came right through the dooor?

Shining by the suunlight, it?s a sight could really stop your heeaart!

You?re paralyzed,

By Hatate~! Ha-ta-te~!

You know you love her love her love her love her!!?


?I don?t!? Aya cried.

?You do, and no one is going to save you?

Your libido is fighting, fighting,

For Hata-Hata-Hata-teeee~?


?Damn it, I?m leaving!!? Aya grabbed her papers and rocketed out the window, quickly becoming a mere dot on the horizon.

The tengu stopped singing as soon as she left.

?? Damn, we couldn?t convert her to Hatate-ism.?


???

Marisa and Reimu watched as Alice sipped her sake from where they sat in the Hakurei Shrine?s porch.

?She?s clearly drunk ze.?

?She?s not. Look, her cheeks aren?t even flushed.?

?It?s the lighting that makes them look pale. See, she?s even swaying in her seat da ze!?

?That?s because the Prismriver Sisters are playing.? Reimu sipped her sake.

?That?s what you think! Look at her, just look at her!? Marisa snapped her fingers, and music began to play from her hakkero.

Marisa opened her mouth to sing but Reimu beat her to it. ?There right there! Look at those slim and slender hands, look how steady and poised they are, Alice isn?t drunk, not drunk not drunk, there?s no way she?s un-der the in-flu-ence!?

?I?m not about to agree with that, when even her eyes say she?s plastered, totally plastered!?

?This is an extremely important matter, completely relevant to the party, about whether that cute- blonde magician is amazingly boozed, or, not!?

?Look at her calm and cool demeanor!?

?Look at her shaky and unsteady walk!?

?It?s an eternal my-ster-y, but she?s not drunk, I say not drunk.?
growled Reimu.

?But look at the facts we?re seeeein?!? tried Marisa.

?Is she druuuuuuunk--? sang Reimu.

?--Or merely clu-m-sy?? That got Marisa to shut up.

?Ohhh?..?

?Drunk, or only clumsy? It?s hard to get it really, drunk or merely clumsy??? A gap opened up above both girls and Yukari spilled out. The witch and the shrine maiden stared at her.

?Hey don?t look at me!? the gap hag tried.

?You see Alice is really different being a Mak-ai-jin and aaalll~? sang Reimu.

?They do perverted things~? chirped Yukari.

?With sexy swagger and in-ele-gance~!?

?Drunk or merely foreign? This answer could take weeks!?

?They both say things that make you want to? slap them on both cheeks!?

?Please, Alice is drunk!?

?Drunk or just a Makaijin? So many shades of gray!?

?Depending on the time of day, oni go either way~?
cheered Suika from the courtyard.

?Shut it!?

?There, look there!?
Alice was now staring at them.

?Look at that small and irritating smirk, see it every day at work, that is a sober and clear-headed jerk, I say not drunk, she can?t be drunk!? growled Reimu.

"This is an extremely important matter, is the beauty in that blue suit, amazingly crazily drunk, officially drunk, okay she?s drunk, really drunk drunk drunk drunk--? Alice got up and staggered over to Sakuya, where she suddenly began having a sophisticated conversation with the maid. ??Damn it! Drunk or just real foreign, she?s clumsy but relaxed, is she inebriated or exotic, we think we?ll never know!?

?I think her eyes are red ze??

?But Shinki brought her up real different, there they cry extremely often, it?s not a taboo there, if Alice drops down curls up and starts sobbing!?
shouted Yukari.

After several more verses, Marisa finally stood up and approached Alice.

?Hey Alice, gotta talk to you ze.?

?Oh, it?s you. Fine, fire away.?

?You drunk??

?No.?

??. Oh. Oh well, okay then ze.? Marisa turned and headed back to the patio, where Yukari and Reimu watched her expectantly.

?Well??

?? Shut up El Gappo.? Marisa flopped onto the deck and glared at the sky.

 
......

Done! Goodbye my two-day post streak, I loved you so. First song is based off Thriller, second song is pretty much ripped off of Gay or European. Inspired by Shadow Crystal Mage ( though he doesn't know ) so yeaaah...

I wanted to do the Prismrivers singing 'I Will Survive'...

In my mind, Hatate has a valley-girl accent, but only because she wants to. And Sanae and Hatate are completely platonic buddies.

... So damned rushed...