Topic: A new Dimension [Avantasia/Touhou]  (Read 1482 times)

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A new Dimension [Avantasia/Touhou]
« on: March 05, 2012, 06:12:30 am »
So I finally got around to do this. This was an idea that I had stuck in my head since a frind gave me Avantasia's The Metal Opera for my birthday.
But I threw the idea and started doing other things. Now that I finally got the time to develop the idea I decided to try to put it into words. It's my first serious attempt at storytelling and I hope you guys like it. Thanks to rdj for proofreading it! 

The sun had risen only a few hours ago when I crossed the doors of the monastery to start my daily work. My name is Gabriel Laymann, and I’m a novice of the Dominican Order at the Mainz monastery. It appears that I have been honored due to my great efforts during the last trial, where I assisted the tortured soul of the witch Mirjam Maurer from the Devil’s hand before she was thrown inside the purifying flames.

I don’t know for sure but it seems that the elders - and especially my mentor, with whom I had been responsible from the trial of the Maurer witch – liked the way I handled the situation inside the witch’s cell, where she had been found reading pagan scriptures. Friar Jakob must have been really proud of me since he mentioned many times how impressed he was with my confidentiality, and how I behaved during those daring moments.

It was hard. When the demon introduced in her body spoke through her mouth… I was truly frightened, but it was my duty to exorcise her. It was tiring but I managed to expel the evil from her body, only for him to return. And although it was hard to see the human in the hysteric green haired woman I always kept in my mind that she was a person just like I was until the old evil spirit took her sanity away.

And so I got honored with this reward.

I was sent to the tower of the witches, where those who had lost their way await what they deserve, for the first time…

But when I opened the heavy wooden door to take a look at who was laying in the scarce cold straw covering the rock floor I felt as if a lightning bolt had struck the back of my head. I gazed once and once again and I couldn’t take my eyes away from my “client”.

Anna Held!

She was laying there gazing at me, seemingly too weak to recognize me. To recognize her own step-brother, the one who had been like a true brother for her since the time when we were children…

When I left her side at the age of nine to enter the Order I promised her that we would meet again… But this is not the way I wanted it to be. No, she could never be a witch!

Or so I thought. When we were children I could never think that the devil could ever possess her. But I did not know anything about witchcraft or the game of the devil in those distant days. No, she could not be a witch! She had to be innocent!  A demon is not a demon if he reveals his identity so quickly.  Sometimes it takes weeks for a demon to leave a body that has imprisoned. Yes, there must be a possibility, even if small, that she was innocent! That all this was just an error of justice!
But how could I manage to prove this…

Jakob!  He would certainly help me!

Yes, he always did. And I’m sure that if something is wrong he would aid me. And he definitely would find out if there really was a devious affair behind it all.


Carefully I opened the door and the glow of various candles illuminated the entrance hall of the monastery through the slit of the door from inside the library.

I had searched for Jakob for all morning and the afternoon, but I was not able to find him. Thus I decided to visit him at the library later at night.
Jakob always was very understanding and open when it came to hearing about my troubles. And the chances of finding him there were rather high, for he was there almost every night.

Friar Jakob is one of the elders of the monastery, and my mentor. He is of a rather thin silhouette, and kind features.
When I entered the room he was much immersed in the lecture of an old tome as he kept rubbing his jaw with his thumb.

When he noticed me he promptly close the book and placed it again in the shelves behind him.
Well, he threw it more than place it. And he threw it behind the shelves instead than in them.

Was he trying to hide something?  No, Jakob was the type of man who could get thoroughly absorbed in his readings, so he must certainly get scared when he discovered that he was not alone in the room.

“I see.” He said after I told him all about Anna and her predicament.
“I can only make her imprisonment and trial more comfortable up until her culpability is proven.”

Those words struck me like a thunder bolt and only fed my doubts. Was Anna really guilty? Was she truly a witch or was it all just a mistake?
Stuttering, I spoke again.

“Or her innocence…” I mumbled.

“Oh my son I know you have good intentions, but if she is in that place there must be a reason.”

No. I could not be possible.
I knew her. She could never be a witch, yet I knew that Jakob’s words were true.
But I couldn’t accept it! She must be innocent!
But what if she wasn’t? The doubts were eating my heart…

It seemed that my face reflected my distress, for Friar Jakob placed his hand over my shoulder and once again spoke to me.

“Gabriel, my son; I cannot promise you anything, but I will verify her case to see if there is an error as you have said to me.”

I sighted in relief. I knew that I could count on Jakob. Ever since I got here he had been like my father, and is the only one whom I trust enough to talk about the matters that concern me the most.

“Now my son, it is too late to go wandering around, you should head back to your room”

I parted with him and head over to my cell, hoping to find rest in my sleep.


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Re: A new Dimension [Avantasia/Touhou]
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2012, 08:51:50 pm »
Being engrish is suffering ;_;

That being said, I came with a new chapter, I hope you like it and if you find any errors please tell me so I can improve my skills :3

Unsurprisingly, the sleep eluded me. I wasn’t able to even close my eyelids all night. What is going on? Of course, Jakob promised to help. But were his words honest? He acted so strangely when I entered the library…

And why was he so startled when I entered the room? Maybe something was wrong with the book…

The book!

Yes, the book could bring some light into the dark entanglement of my thoughts.

But what if it doesn’t?

 At the very least it could be just another pagan book, another book of which I don’t know anything about.

Maybe it was one of the satanic books that were confiscated from Mirjam Maurer, the witch. I was involved in her trial, yet I never saw any of the books that she was accused to read…

But even if it were one of those books, that wouldn’t help me free Anna. Or maybe it would? Wouldn’t it be best if I just tried to free her? She wasn’t really possessed by the Old Dragon, was she?

These questions kept me awake all night.  Father, what is going on?

But perhaps that book could help me- No. That book will surely help me, or at least it won’t do me any more wrong…

Quietly I walked the silent hall that leaded to the library, trying not to awaken anyone.
But I couldn’t get rid of the doubts haunting me. What if the book was truly evil? I have been trained for this; I should be able to face and resist any evil force.
Carefully I enter the library and headed to the place where Jakob was reading.

It wasn’t hard to find the book, as very little people besides Jakob enter the library and everything was exactly like last night.
As I picked it up I could notice that it was old, very old.  And the smell cleansed me of any doubts; this book was evil, just evil!
I opened it. Attached to the internal part of the sheath was a triangular piece as big as a hand that looked like it was made out of a kind of metal.
I skimmed through the pages; I could not understand a word of what was written inside. The words seemed to be written in a language that I couldn’t comprehend. But near the half there were a few scrawled words. It was apparent that they were written a long time after the book, but even if I could understand the words they did not make any sense to me:

“Many ways lead to Rome. Seven times a path for all that leads towards a realm past beyond our imagination.”

If there was someone that could understand it, it certainly wasn’t me. I kept glancing through the book. The voice of reason in my head kept asking me why I was doing that, it kept telling me that I shouldn’t be doing this, that I will be damned for reading this unholy book. But I needed to keep searching through it, searching to find something else that I could understand, something that could help me.
As I was skimming through the pages a piece of paper fell to the ground. I left the book to my side and picked it up. It was a letter… from a man that called himself Knowledge to… Mirjiam Maurer!

Now I knew what kind of book it was, but I couldn’t stop reading now that I was on the verge of finding the truth. I started reading the letter; admittedly I wasn’t feeling very comfortable while reading it, as it was something very private, and obviously not destined to me.

“Dear Miss Maurer:
I had been informed by a welsh merchant that you have acquired a certain tome from him. I wanted to inform you that said book was stolen from me, and that I wish to retrieve it.
I am therefore notifying you that I shall come to visit you sometime during the summer in hopes of finally recovering my book. I am willing to offer monetary compensation for your aid.

Until we meet.”

Admittedly I was somewhat confused. I had expected something different of a witchcraft book.  Disappointed, I decided to place the book back where I had picked it up. Noticing that the sun had not rose yet, I went back to my chamber to rest a little, despise the fact that I could not close an eye at all. Maybe I could find something the next day.


It must had being around eight in the morning, when I was washing my hands in the fountain. Yet no matter how hard I washed them, the black stains on the tip of my fingers did not disappeared.
Was it the Black Death, crawling inside the walls of the monastery? The thought frightened me, but soon that fear dissipated from my head. Someone was calling me from behind.

I turned and I saw Jakob. He hugged me, apologizing for what happened last night.
“I’m sorry Gabriel. I hope I didn’t make you think that I was angry at you. I was just… absorbed in my readings. I hope you can forgive me.”

I sighted in relief; he wasn’t holding any grudges against me. And he couldn’t be irritated for me entering the library furtively at night, for he had no means of knowing that I did so and that I have read something that was probably secret. Or so I thought, for he then grabbed my hands while frowning.

“You have been in the library without permission!” He shouted.

And then I knew what the black stains were, the book had been marked so no one could read the book clandestinely.

“You have disappointed me, Gabriel. You have abused my confidence and read the forbidden book.
Go to the chapel and pray for forgiveness. He is merciful, and perhaps He can forgive the one that broke a sacred rule of a monastery.”

Jakob then left, reciting a prayer with his rosary in one hand.

I fell to the ground. I had lost the closest thing to a friend that I have had because of my own sinful desires... A part of me knew that this would happen and tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen…
But I followed Jakob’s advice anyways and headed to the chapel to pray.

A few moments after I entered the chapel a loud noise startled me. Suddenly the doors of the chapel were open and a large number of soldiers entered in the holy house. With them was Jakob, who was looking down to the floor.
The soldiers tried to arrest me but I resisted.

“Jakob! Please! Help me!”

But he did not do anything, he kept sanding there staring down to the floor.

“Jakob! Plea-

I wasn’t able to finish, one of the soldiers struck a blow to the back of my head, which left me unconscious.

That was the last time I saw Jakob.
Re: A new Dimension [Avantasia/Touhou]
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2012, 07:29:12 pm »
something feels off..but I can't put it into words.  Something to do with tension maybe?

Sorry for being a crappy reviewer.
I have...a terrible need...shall I say the word?...of religion. Then I go out at night and paint the stars.

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