Author Topic: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!  (Read 1928 times)

チソウ タイゼン

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Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« on: January 02, 2012, 04:25:08 AM »
I realize how bad I am at scheduling, but I am in a car homebound from Vegas right now. I don't have much else to do.

SO LET'S START A LET'S PLAY
You might have noticed that I called this "Text Play."
Well, um, I can't post pictures. So all you guys have to ride on is the sultry sound of my typing!
Sorry guys.
LET'S GO GO GO GO

We turn on the game, and get a happy string of Kirbys running through... Hell?
Oh, yes, This is my sister's game and she's in a place called "Volcano Valley." Sounds fun.
We tap on the epileptic-unfriendly Touch to Start! indicator on the screen and begin file 2.

Cutscene time.
-Kirby goes exploring the Popopo Islands.
-Carelessly falls asleep in public.
-Lightning appears.
-Some Nightmare ripoff appears- this time with skull face.
-His name is "Necrodeus." He leads the "Skull Gang."
-We want to drown light in darkness! Because physics.
-More lightning! This time it hits us. SPARK KIRBY G-
-Whoops, nope, we died.
-Oh, no, we're just in pieces now. Because anatomy.
-The Kirby Pieces explode.
-There's only one left. Cheesily dramatic text.
-Kirby's heart is now a star? He gets a pep talk from his heart.
-Kirby calmly walks away from Necrodeus before being fried with lightning again, who doesn't seem to mind his leaving.

GREEN GROUNDS
--- Level 1 ---

Tutorial time!!

"This is a stage."

You don't say.

"This number shows how many Kirbys you need to enter the stage."

Well, it reads one. For all you Shrine Maidens, take my word for it.
Well, the game expects us to enter level 1-1 now. I see some blank spaces up top for "medals." Hoo boy, this better not be like the Great Cave Offensive all over again. I sunk over ten hours into that.

We enter 1-1.
Our first tutorial... Will it be about controlling multiple Kirbys?!


"WALKING"

(•_ • )

Anyway, instead of Warp Starring into the level like you'd expect, he's... off screen.


"Touch the screen to make the star appear. Kirby will follow it!"

A true testament to ADD-addled people everywhere.
I tap the screen, and Kirby slowwwwwwlyy walks in from the left.
He does a clappy dance upon arrival. I was expecting that at the end of the level?

I walk another foot to the right and SPONTANEOUS FRUIT.

An apple approaches! Command?

>Eat it
Eat it
Eat it

You eat the apple. You gain 1 EXP.

Oh, that was easy. We continue to the rSPONTANEOUS FRUIT

(...)

After that exercise in infant obesity, Kirby encounters... a green thing! It's a little green sack looking thing with leaves.
It leaves.

It jumps into an oddly hollow tree and destroys the pathways inside.
Asshole.

We approach the tree and a tutorial appears.
It explains that we can pick up Kirby and draw him a path. Kind of like Canvas Curse, kind of not.

We pick him up and hoist him up to the door.

>>>NEXT ROOM >>>

Hey, there you are, you little planty bastard!
Where are you going?

Blocks appear and we get a tutorial.


"To make Kirby jump and break blocks, flick him with the stylus."

>>>NEXT ROOM>>>

Music change, holy shit!
It's a remix of the Kirby 64 boss theme. And we're fighting Plant Bastard!


"Fighting Enemies"

Turns out the combat in this game is more or less automated. Kirby/s will begin punching the shit out of things they run into. I walk into Plant Bastard and he dies.

Well... that was easy. He drops 1 EXP.

Two more Plant Bastards appear.
I am now sitting at 11 experience. A door appears and I run inside

Next room.

I fall through five more experience points. If only Final Fantasy or Nocturne were this easy.

We run to the right and BANANAS.

Bananas.
Are worth.

10 EXPERIENCE.

I'm at 46 now. I wonder what happens when I level up, which appears to be at 100 EXP.

More enemies. Also, a not-so-out-of-sight platform. Flick.

Apples. BANANAS.
And... a medal? Collect. I have to wonder what these are for.

Into the cave! There vines on the ceiling. Grope.
They drop fruit. I.... personally wouldn't eat rock ceiling bananas, but whatever floats your boat.

Medal! Get.

Speaking of rocks, here's a rather large one with a vine attached.
Kirby tried to molest it, but it shook off his advances.

A tutorial bubble tells me to collect more Kirbys to access the certain death as a result of pulling down this rock.
Eh, okay.

Onward!

It's a bird, flying around the top of the screen. Murder.
Oh, it only drops one experience.

There's a tree on the side of the screen, that some incompetent lumberjack appears to have cut it down to it's center, and ignored actually falling it down.
Let's murder it. Flick.

IT DROPS FRUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT

FLICKFLICKFLICKFLICKFLICK

Enough fruit to level me up, yay!
Level 2! I get... another Kirby. Yaaaay~

Oh, look, melon.

30 EXP EUSOIWNCBVAOXNASDFGISLWN

I end up with 99 / 100 EXP to Lv. 3.
APPLES WHERE ARE YOU

Advancing to the right, we encounter another bird. Murder.

Level 3! Let's try this vine again.

...Nope. Damn, how much does it need? Let's continue.
We pass an odd ring structure with a sign that depicts a blue Kirby jumping through it and becoming pink.
Those will heal me, I guess.

I find another medal inside a giant beet... but the fourth slot is filled with this one.
I MISSED ONE? FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Oh, right, that vine I couldn't violate.
I find the fifth medal hidden in a block.
Advancing further right... the background begins to darken.
What could it meeeeaa- oh look stage end

STAGE 1-1 CLEARED
No damage! *Gold Star*

No damage runs? In the one Kirby game where you don't assume direct control not over one- but a horde of Kirbys?

I HATE YOU NINTENDOOOOOOO

So yeah a let's play
Bad idea? Bad idea. It took me 45 minutes to do Stage 1-1.
We'll see~
It'll get funnier later on, I promise... There's not much to comment on yet...
« Last Edit: January 02, 2012, 04:29:28 AM by Chisou Taizen »


チソウ タイゼン

  • tarzan cheetos
  • you'll thank me for the cropping later
Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2012, 04:23:16 AM »
Ha, you all thought I forgot about this.
Oh, wait, I have no followers on this.
~sadfaaaace~

Anyway, the map is a Rather Large Circle.



The stage with the requirement of 2 Kirbys is 1-2, 1-3 requires five, and 1-4 requires two.
For the sake of continuity, we enter stage 1-2.

1-2 is a jungle locale. There exist a couple of tall red beet-like plants that Kirby can latch onto and topple over. Doing so rewards.... fruit!
I'm seriously starting to question the nature of Pop Star's fruit D:
We abuse this mechanic to flatten some of the native flora, who briefly look up to realize and accept death, perhaps utter a short prayer while being crushed, and subsequently explode.
Quote
500 points!

We encounter a Rayman-gorilla type thing, with orbital hands.
It's happily munching away at bananas it's pulling out of it's forehead.
We murder it.

Here's a fun fact, any Kirbys who assist in slaughter of wildlife will do a little happydance after landing.
...Joyous pink bastard.

We run into a secret door- secret, as in you topple over a plant in the opposite direction for once, so clever- where we run into a few spinning Tornado enemies. My first instinct was to launch all of my Kirbys at them simultaneously.
Bad idea. I guess the spinning animation they've got isn't cosmetic and waiting a while will actually cause them to dizzy- and THEN you launch all your Kirbys at them simultaneously.

Knocking over a beet plant in this room begins a fabulous chain reaction of deforestation- it looks like some sort of upside-down Screw You Gravity version of Tarzan on vines- because all the plants are close together or something and one arcing over carries you onto the next with no change in momentum or inertia whatsoever.

But who cares, I found a medal at the end.


We knock over some more plantlife, and one happens to be an enormous beet-like plant on a stem.
The obvious thing to do is launch Kirby at it repeatedly.
It rolls and flattens all the enemies below in one fell swoop. There's a treasure chest at the end, though, so I don't care. I'm only going to be sympathetic to my poor deluded enemies when there's no gain in it for me.

The level ends shortly afterward.

* Silver Star ~ No KO'ed Kirbys *

Oh, yeah.
Gold star: No damage
Silver star: Damage, but no deaths
Bronze star: Deaths, but no permanent losses

KO Kirbies are little angel Kirbys that will attempt to fly away to Heaven.
Or the area immediately above the top of the screen.
Lose one to there and you have to fill up the bar to get another one. You can flick a Kirby at a dead one to retrieve it with 1 HP.

Out of 2 HP.

*sigh

Returning to the stage map, the game gleefully explains to us that we have unlocked something new in Extras.

"Find medals to earn Extras.

The first Extra is a Whack-an-Everything called "Field Frenzy."
Moles, Rayman gorillas, and Whispy Woods' presumable children all pop out of holes and you smack them with your Pimp Stylus.



Get enough points and you fight a "boss."
That is to say, "tap this stationary big thing for three seconds for extra points and try not to break your touch screen."

Oh, Hal.

It's the first subgame, though, so it'll get better.
The next Extra is unlocked at 10 medals, and I have 7. I can't wait.

Let's round it out to 8 out of 8 medals, how about?
I do a quick backtrack through 1-1 and pull on that vine. Medal~

Also, 10 Kirbies. Now the fun can truly begin~

Next time, Stage 1-3!


Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2012, 03:30:45 PM »
Tutorial time!!

"This is a stage."
We enter 1-1.
Our first tutorial... Will it be about controlling multiple Kirbys?!


"WALKING"
:V

This game looks like it would be quite a lot of fun. Is there a limit on the amount of Kirbys you can have at one time?
"I'm a nurse!"
-Nurse Hasumi, Cave Story

チソウ タイゼン

  • tarzan cheetos
  • you'll thank me for the cropping later
Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2012, 04:26:58 PM »
The game is great. It's just aggravating at times and incredibly, incredibly difficult later on.

The limit is ten, by the way.


Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #4 on: January 09, 2012, 05:50:57 PM »
Not a pure text play anymore. Not fun anymore. :V

Third Eye Lem

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Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2012, 02:51:19 AM »
Not a pure text play anymore. Not fun anymore. :V
Shush. Sometimes visual aids are needed.

チソウ タイゼン

  • tarzan cheetos
  • you'll thank me for the cropping later
Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2012, 01:17:53 PM »
Yes, but all the visual aids'll be kinda tacky because camera phone + actual DS.

But! At least some of you have some idea about how crap works. Or something.


Garlyle

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Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2012, 02:53:37 PM »
I don't think this LP stresses enough how gutbustingly adorable the Kirbies are.

Look at these adorable oh my god hnnnngh I CAN'T CONTROL IT

チソウ タイゼン

  • tarzan cheetos
  • you'll thank me for the cropping later
Re: Kirbys everywhere~! Text Play Mass Attack!!
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2012, 02:59:15 PM »
I'm too busy capitalizing on how dastardly their actions are.