Topic: Traveler of Inner Wishes  (Read 7637 times)

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Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Traveler of Inner Wishes
« on: September 26, 2011, 10:54:57 am »
Well I wanted to try this for a long time. The main character is my creation, as well as some others and the story will be comedic as well as serious. I hope you will like it.
(If there are grammar mistakes I´m sorry, English is not my native language.
I hope for constructive critique.

EDIT: Changed the spacing and a few mistakes.

Traveler of inner wishes


Humans are the most idiotic creatures.

That was his way of thinking at the beginning of his journey.

They bring suffering and death to themselves. They make each other feel hatred.
They are unhappy with just existing, they stretch their hands towards the unreachable thinking it will make them happy.
If, against the odds, they get it, they already want something else.
Humans really are easy to despise.

He thought that way for a few of the harder years in his short life.
Though it was short it was full of hatred and betrayal from him as well as from others that surrounded him.
He literally saw the deepest  and darkest parts of their souls.
But why did he save them?
Why did he refuse to break down from this all?

The answer was easy when he found it. He always saw the light.
If someone else would have gone his path, that person would close their eyes or go insane.
But that boy was different.
His understanding of everything gradually opened up.
He understood that every world he visited was different.
Different rules and different beings.
One world had a few insanely strong gods.
Another had myriads of weaker gods.
Others contained both.
Due to that he became less hostile and hot-headed, instead being laid-back and calculating at once.
He began to enjoy his life more and more.
Then, at the age of 13, he caught the attention of one incredibly old fighter and mage.
That man took him under his care and taught him to use his unique potential the way he dreamed of:
Unrestricted and free.
The old man adopted the boy.
And the boy became exponentially more powerful, despite his abilities already rivaling that of the gods he came to lose faith in.
3, almost 4 years later is where this particular part of his journey began.

“So he is dead?“
The young woman asked, a slight crack in her voice.

“Yes, for almost a year now.“
The boy answered, close to the feeling of annoyance.

Though I didn't know she could be insecure, of all people.
He thought to himself.

“Where have you been for all this time? Even I visited our home now and then.“,
he pushed on.

“Well, my dear little brother, I was less bound to him than you are. But who is his successor? I? You? Or our youngest brother? Wait, I guess it's you. You are … were the most alike him.“

“Right guess, Onee-chan. I succeeded the old man, in title, but not in case of our home, as you can see.“

“That is hard to overlook.”
She said as she looked around the ruins of the once great castle and the wasteland at the mountains foot beneath it.
It was hard to believe that this had been almost a country of it's own   a few months ago.
He used that to look closely at his sister, since it has been nearly a year ago when they last met. Her always short silvery hair with the hint of blonde in it was most times catching the attention of everyone around her. Not his ,of course, since he was used to it.
Her eyes where the same intimidating black as ever, which made even her warmest  smile look awkward and terrifying.
Her body was hidden under the wide, black coat  that had been sewed by the tailor that had lived here before the old mans death.
Although it hindered  him looking at her too closely, the boy had a good idea of how she looked beneath it.
He did take a peek or two at her before, they were not blood related, after all.

“So, Soer Tornal is no longer, huh?”
her voice stopped his daydreaming.

“Do you even need an answer?”
He asked back, amazed by her nostalgic tone.

“Not really.”
She answered. Then she looked at him.
“Seems like your life is getting better though.”

She said after she finished looking at him. He stood out as well.
Not because of his brown hair that often reflected the sunlight in an unnatural golden tone, or his expensive looking coat with the stylized sign of their family, showing an half eagle and an half dragon that melted together in the middle.
no, it was because of his outstanding eyes.
The white in it was more of a Grey tone, the pupils where shining in white and the colored iris was blue, but this blue was moving.
Flickering like flames, but just to the inside.
However, she said that because of the look on his face. A friendly, satisfied image of a laid-back living guy who had never experienced unmentionable suffering.
She knew better than to believe this image.
He had gone through things that made even the most cruel torture look like a walk in the park.

“What happened?”
She then asked worried, like she could only for him.

“I decided to go forward.”
A simple answer.

“No more insecurity?”
She asked, now the amazed one.

“Now that I understood the last thing that worried me, why would I?”

“What is the answer, no what was the question?”

He smiled in a new way:
“Where will my path take me? The answer is easy, so easy.”

“Tell me.”
She pushed on.

“It doesn´t matter, not at all.”

That was enough to  make her burst out in laughter.
“Really easy, you're right. But”
She suddenly grew serious:
“what is your plan for now?”

“The usual, then I plan on visiting a place the old man mentioned.”

“What place? There are many.”

“He called it the ´second land of freedom`, it´s real name is apparently Gensokyo.”

So how did you like  the prologue? He will be the main character and his name will be revealed later.
The first chapter will begin with a Touhou character, probably Reimu or Marisa (or both) tough I haven´t decided that yet.
« Last Edit: April 15, 2013, 05:13:48 pm by Forsaken by all »
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Alfred F. Jones

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Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2011, 01:58:08 am »
What do I think? First, I'm fairly impressed by the idea of someone registering and then starting a fic immediately as their first post.

Your story needs spacing, badly. It's very hard on the eyes to read that many words clustered together. You should put line breaks between dialogue, in particular.

There is also no need for --------------------------------s to serve as lines. Try this out instead:

Code: [Select]
The [hr] function is useful for creating lines.

And last, if English isn't your native language, don't fear. Your IP address says Germany, which is good-- PSL's Acolyte (a caretaker, basically) is Sakana, and he speaks German. So you shouldn't be worried if you suddenly need to sprache some Deutsch. (oh god Sakana please don't hurt me)

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #2 on: September 27, 2011, 03:38:54 pm »
I did it because I lost a bet.
Whoever loses would do something he always wanted to try and the other one would have to look at the result.
My friend wouldn't let me write something in German. (I admit it would have been an extremely complicated text since I wanted to get it back at him.)
So I thought if I have to do something else, why not a story involving Touhou.
And since I often read the stories in this forum I wanted to post mine here as well.
I just had to tell that someone, so if it was too much of an explanation, I'm sorry. 

Anyway, I keep your advice in mind, thanks.
My first time writing in a forum, so I don't know anything about functions at all.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2011, 10:04:06 pm »
Chapter one is up!

Took way longer than I expected.

Chapter 1:

She was annoyed.
Annoyed by those two.
They have been  annoying her since morning and now it was evening.

Reimu Hakurei sighed.
Marisa kept telling her about her last mushroom-experiment, while Mima kept asking nonsensical questions, just to keep Marisa talking.
She knew how annoyed Reimu got from that and as the Hakurei shrine's haunting spirit she did everything to bother Reimu, it's shrine maiden.

As such, she wore a fitting outfit. A red-white outfit, remotely resembling a real shrine maiden dress but with detached sleeves, a yellow neckerchief and, recently a shorter skirt with many frills at the bottom.
She had a huge frilly ribbon in her shoulder-long dark brown hair. Her eyes were brown as well, most times showing her unique annoyed expression.

“And then the mixture turned blue outta nothing, ze.”
Marisa Kirisame said with unwavering enthusiasm.

The Magician wore a western witch outfit in black, that consisted of a vest with golden buttons and a skirt with a light pink apron over it, as well as a shirt in the same color beneath it.
On top of her shoulder-long yellow hair sat a witch-hat in black with many frills in light pink.
Her golden eyes always sparkled with energy and enthusiasm. She carried a broom with her all the time, saying it was essential for a Magician, just like her outfit.

“Oh really?”
Mima asked with a devilish grin.
“What happened next? I hope it didn't explode right before you're face.”

She asked that question less out of worry than out of hope to continue the story.
Reimu asked herself why she didn't exorcise her when she had the chance, instead of sealing her to the shrine and it's surroundings.

The spirits dress was dominated by blue. The dress, the vest and her cape, all in blue. The cape was fastened by a yellow ribbon and had white trims.
Though she was floating with a light blue ghost-tail right now, Mima developed the ability to have actual legs and feet.
Her green eyes always seemed to observe her surroundings and her also green hair fell to her hips.

They were at the backside of the shrine, sitting before the backyard, that was nothing more than the pond with the turtles, the cherry blossoms and the plot with vegetables she recently made.
Reimu sat down there after she finished her duties, which were basically sweeping the space before the shrine and taking a look into the donation-box. While she had been sweeping, Marisa came riding on her broom, directly demanding some tea like she deserved it. When Reimu got some and walked to the backside of the shrine, Marisa helped herself to some as well.
Then Mima appeared and asked Marisa about her studies, playing the proud and worrisome teacher for her only disciple. It added to Reimu's annoyance.

“Nope, it started to bubble like hot water!”
Marisa exclaimed.

“And then?”
Mima bowed to her, seemingly curious.
“I got the idea of using some magic on it. Then the mixture amplified it. I used just a little of my         
 magic and it got almost a firework, ze.”
The Magician finished, nearly hyperventilating.

Did one of Marisas experiments work? That surprised Reimu. Her method was basically picking  some of her “samples” - as she called the mushrooms and whatever else she used -at random and mix them together. Still no reason to interfere with a friends peace.

“My, my. That is quite the useful liquid you got there. Can it replenish magic, as well?”
Mima. She had to bring up a new point.

“Dunno, but I'm gonna test it as soon as I have enough, ze.”
Marisa looked up while saying that.
“Wow! It's ready now. Gotta go now, bye Reimu, bye Mima-sama.”

She grabbed her broom, sat on it and flew away fast.

“Such a pity.”
Mima sighed disappointed.

Reimu asked, also sighing but in relief:
“Because she won't bother me anymore, or because it didn't explode?”

“What are you thinking? I simply enjoy her presence.”
Mima said with a smile that was both innocent and underhanded. She perfected her expressions recently, all being so strange combinations.

“Then why don't you haunt her house? She would enjoy it as well, I bet.”
The shrine maiden didn't get her hopes up though. She had a vague feeling that she knew the answer.

“A disciple needs her space to grow up, much like a flower.”

Bulls-eye. Reimu knew Mima would say something with flowers. She did whenever they talked about Marisa, what happened nearly every conversation they had.
Of course, they talked way too often with each other, from Reimus point, while Mima loved talking with her.

“I get the feeling you are the reason my shrine doesn't get enough visitors.”
She complained, oblivious to the fact that only Marisa and Reimu herself knew of Mimas existence.
At least from all the humans of Gensokyo, Youkai were another story. Some visited on a regular basis, but none of them ever donated, so they were as annoying as Marisa.
Reimus thoughts began to drift, she knew the things Mima was about to say. S
o she instead thought about her most constant problem.
The donations and the reason why they stayed low.

 Reimu didn't have many visitors. Yukari and Suika were around often, Remilia visited the shrine from time to time, accompanied by Sakuya.
Then there were Sanae, who didn't really count since she still wanted Reimu to convert to her religion, Kasen the hermit who- in her way - was even more annoying than Mima, and that wicked hermit Seiga.

Reimu was unsure about the last one. She would just float through the shrine, not caring for the walls since she could pass them with her ability.
But besides that and some talking there wasn't much she did. She began visiting after the last incident with those Taoists, she somewhat protected from the Youkai temple.
It still confused Reimu why someone needed to be protected from Buddhists.

Gensokyo wasn't the biggest land.
In fact, with the ability to fly and some basic orientation, everyplace could be reached in less than 1 day.

There was the Human Village close to the center of Gensokyo. It's name was self-explainable.

Then there was the Forest of Magic, where Marisa lived, as well as the youkai Magician and Puppeteer Alice Margatroid.

Between the village and and the forest stood Kourindou, a store owned by Rinnosuke Morichika, a half-youkai half-human who once worked and lived in the Human Village.
The store sold things from the outside world that passed through the border.
Though Reimu never saw him actually doing any business.

Close to the Human Village stood Myourenji, the Buddhist Youkai temple with the newly discovered Dream Palace Great Mausoleum beneath it, that on the contrary was full with long-lived human hermits of Taoism.   

The next place was the bamboo forest of the lost to the west of the Human Village. Another self-explainable name.
Somewhere inside it stood the mansion of Eientei, inhabited by those troublesome people from the moon and LOTS of youkai rabbits and normal rabbits.
Another place was the Youkai Mountain (they sure like self-explainable names, don't they?).
It was mainly populated with Kappa and Tengu, save for the peak where Sanae Kochiya and her Gods moved last autumn.

Near the mountain there was the Misty Lake (No more comments on those names), which was enveloped in mist at noon every day.
In the lakes center stood Remilia Scarlets  home, the Scarlet Devil Mansion (….). She, the Vampire, lived there with her sister and several servants.

That covered the most important places of Gensokyo. Reimu had been to all of them, mostly to solve incidents.
Well, the place of Gensokyo with the highest importance was the Hakurei Shrine, located to the eastern edge.
The aforementioned border separated Gensokyo from the Outside World.
It's full name was “Hakurei Great Border”, commonly referred to as “Hakurei border” or simply “the border”. Reimus ancestors established it, together with several Youkai that wished for 'a land that didn't deny them.

The humans of the outside world gradually forget the truth in their legends. This mass-amnesia weakened the Youkai, some began to perish. 
 It was then they began to realize how dependent they were on humans.
Fearing their destruction they turned towards the Gods they despised.
Both sides were displeased with just vanishing, so they decided to

What was that?
Reimu thought, at the peak of her massive drifting off.
That's not what she knew. The story was completely different.
It was sealed off to prevent both sides, the youkai and the skeptical humans from destroying each other.
The humans of Gensokyo stayed there, mostly to prevent the Youkai from “forgetting” their reasons.
Not that it worked for too long.

Why did she suddenly have those ideas, despite knowing it better?

“Reimu? I'm still waiting for an answer.”
Mimas voice brought her back to reality.

“W-what answer?”
She stuttered.

“About Marisa and what you think her experiment will result in.”
Mima eyed her closely.
“I know your not the type to space out.”
The spirit looked like she wanted to say more but she suddenly looked irritated, like she was far away.

Does the same happen to her?
Reimu began having a certain feeling, that very feeling she got from the red fog, the longer winter and all the other incidents.
She didn't like this feeling at all.

She finally asked.

Mima immediately awakened from her trance.

“What did you think just now?”
Reimu wanted to know if it was similar to what she had before.

“I saw a vast field, tinted red with blood and full of corpses. Two figures stood in the middle, back to back.”
Mima replied still amazed by this scene.

That was different, completely different from Reimus experience.

“And what did you see?”
Mima asked back, intrigued by this new phenomenon.

“I had suddenly thoughts about a secluded world. I thought it was Gensokyo, but it was different.”
Reimu said those words slowly, still thinking about it.

As laid-back as she was, this made her worry. What did they see and think?
Worrying wasn't normal for her. Anyone who knew her knew that.

Wait, why am I so worried?
Is that part of …whatever it is?

“Hmm. Maybe it's best to sleep over it.”
Reimu decided, more like herself.
The moment she had an incident, she would react to it, but now it could be just a temporary problem with the border, or something.

“And if nothing changes?”
Reimu totally forgot Mima.

“I'll investigate it, I guess.”
Reimu said sighing. That would be a drag.   

Then she went into the shrine to prepare her dinner.

Is the spacing better now?

I think losing that bet isn't as bad as I thought.
I like writing this.
« Last Edit: October 21, 2011, 11:27:33 am by Forsaken by all »
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2011, 11:34:43 am »
Next chapter is up.

This one was a real pain.

Chapter 2:

A few days ago:

The two young man had been in the chamber for 5 hours now.
They were discussing a special matter. So special and secret, that only they knew about it's importance and existence.

“Are you telling me to give up on either my principles or my work?”
The first shouted out, angered by it.

He wore finest clothes as well as a crown. A king, despite his age.

The king was walking from one end of the chamber to the other since the beginning.

“I told you that from the beginning and you understand it only now? How did you become king, anyway?”
The other one replied sighing.

Contrary to the king he sat in a comfortable chair, the incarnation of patience and calmness.
His tone held none of the respect someone would have to their ruler, even though he was the commander of the whole army.

“You can choose between two options:
  Letting the world you want to unite be destroyed, or ...”

“Or take another worlds life force, right?”
The king ended angrily.

“I told you, it's the worst-case-scenario.”
The young man sighed again.

“If a novice would try that ritual, it would destroy that other world for sure, but I have a chance.”

“Is there really no other choice?”
The king asked exhausted, finally sitting down in another chair.

“Well, a third option would be renewing the seals, but it's the one with the lowest possibility to                     
That just slipped out.

“How so? If it's you, everything should have a real chance. Isn't that what you always brag about.”
The kings eyes now had a new light in them, a hopeful one.
He completely forgot, or didn't notice, that his friend gave him this option now for the first time.

The other one muttered a curse. That's what you get from being honest with those idealists.
He almost had him far enough to accept the easiest plan, now he had to start all over again.
“There is, but it's extremely complicated. Best start at the beginning. Do you know who created the

That was the start of a long argumentation, much longer than the commander of the army wanted.
But he would get his friend and king to taking the prepared plan. He always got him there.

Present time:

“So it worked! That's amazing, ze.”
Marisa Kirisame almost danced around.

This experiment was one huge success.
The mixture replenished her magic completely after three Master Sparks in a row.

She couldn't wait to show it to Reimu and Mima.

In secret, she thought that this was her first real success that wasn't meant for destroying something,
but she wasn't even close to admitting that.

“Why are you so fired up?”
A familiar voice asked her suddenly, coming from behind.

While turning around, Marisa answered:
“Alice, I just had an huge success with my experiments.”

After Marisa turned around, she faced a blonde girl with green eyes. Her short hair was held by a red ribbon. She wore a light blue dress with pink ribbons and held a large book. A small doll with a black dress and an white apron was floating around her.

This girl was Alice Margatroid, the Youkai Magician that lived in the Forest of Magic, making her Marisas closest neighbor. Despite being a Youkai, she had been a human before, but through training, studies and rituals she turned into a Magician by race. This was connected to a longer life and longer youth, quite convenient, as Marisa thought about it.

“You still call that what you do 'experiments'? 'Child’s-play' would be more fitting.”
Alice sighed. She didn't mean to upset Marisa with her words, but her never-ending enthusiasm was hard to endure, especially for Alice as they were almost polar opposites in some matters. How to handle experiments and research was just one example.

“Geez, why so cold? Anyway, Child’s-play wouldn't create a potion that can accumulate and replenish magic, ze.”
Marisa felt pure triumph, so much that she didn't get angry at Alice.

Alice raised an eyebrow and asked: “Really?”

“Here, if you don't believe. I have some of it left. I feel stronger than usual, but I just fired three Master Sparks, ze.”
  Marisa held up a flask with a bubbling blue fluid.

“Is it save for me to drink it? You know it doesn't need to work for a Youkai if it works for a Human.”
Alice waited for an answer while looking around. She suddenly felt a shiver, so she got suspicious.

Marisa on the other hand didn't listen.
Before her eyes grew a scenery, one that was hard to believe.

'There was a mountain, a enormous mountain. Exactly trough the tip it split into one half that was too black to describe it, and one half so white that looking at it hurt.
At the mountains foot stood two vast towns, one alone taking the same space as the mountain on the earth.
The ground between the cities was red and uneven, crowded with crows and ravens.
Looking closely, one could see that  below them lied corpses, more than one can count.
The most disturbing thing was the sky.
A shining silver-gray tone moving around in a way that ridiculed every description.
Whatever it was that moved around, it was powerful.

The man and the woman looked at this from a distance.

“Do you see it? Those things are what your friend will be if she dies by normal means.”
The man said it while looking at it with sad eyes.

“That's not fair.”
The woman muttered.

“It's rarely fair, the live.”
After a pause he continued:
“I showed you what you wanted to see, what will you do?”

“I'm not sure, but this...... I can't allow her to become something like that.”
She stuttered.

“Good luck, my young friend. I'll bring you back.”

Marisa woke up from her trance with that.
She was speechless. This was hard to understand.

Alice was still looking around.
She muttered: “What is that all? Marisa look at that.”

Marisa shook off her daze and looked in the direction Alice was looking.
“Can't see anything.”
She mumbled her response, while trying not to think too much about her experience.

“It's clearly visible. Those things look like shreds that fly through the air. Wait, there are some kind     
 of images inside.”

“Maybe one of those things touched me, I just saw a really strange scene, ze.”

Alice spun around.
“Are you  alright? What did you see?”

“Hard to describe. The sky had another color, or was crowded with something, the ground was full of blood and corpses, the mountain was half black and half white and two persons talked with each other.”
That helped. Marisa felt better than before.
 “Whew, now it's clearer, ze.”

For a moment, she thought that she heard the woman's voice once before, but she wasn't sure.

“This gets mysterious. I'm worried. If those things make you quiet , I can't imagine what happens to
 normal humans.”
Alice brows furrowed while she said that.

“Yeah you're right... Wait, what's that last part about?”

“You said it yourself.”
That was all Alice said in that matter.

She went to her house, but Marisa followed her.

“Alice, what are you gonna do, ze?”

“Research. I never heard of such a phenomenon.”

“I'll ask you about it tomorrow. If nothing changed, I'm gonna investigate it, ze.”
Marisa said it with a certain anticipation. Alice knew, her neighbor liked incidents, so she just nodded.

Reimu would probably make her own move soon. Incidents were the only thing to wake her from her idleness, Alice thought when parting from Marisa and going home.

The next chapter will contain some action, I wonder how good I'm gonna write that.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2011, 10:13:26 am »
Okay, this one got kinda long and I guess the next one is not going to be shorter.

Chapter 3:

Youmu Konpaku was standing at the foot of the large stairs that led to the netherworld. She silently watched the shreds of – something – as they flew around,
like being blown away by the wind. That was not the case of course, since without any active force, the air closest to the stairs didn't blow.

“What is that?”
The girl asked herself.

She was a small girl, wearing a dark green dress over a light pink shirt. The dress had several ghost insignias on it. A black ribbon was tied in her silver hair.
Her blue eyes were looking at a big ghost that floated right beside her. At least some ignorant spectator would think that.
In truth, this was her phantom half, as she was half-human and half-phantom.

Next, she looked at the giant black cloud on the ground.
The stairs she stood on began in the sky and normally, they were hidden by clouds. Whatever that cloud was, it changed the air significantly.

Youmu took her swords, the Katana Roukanken and the Wakizashi Hakurouken, and set off towards the cloud.

She originally wanted to train a new attack Yukari gave her records about. It was marked that it couldn't be used in the netherworld, for reasons unknown.
Thus, she came to Gensokyo every morning since a few days ago.

When she reached the cloud, she saw what she expected already. The shreds flew towards it.

The half-phantom drew the Hakurouken and cut a shred. It worked.
That meant, those shreds were – at least in some way – human.
Next, she slashed at the cloud. Her sword glided through it, as if the cloud didn't exist.

So the cloud is not like the shreds.
Youmu pondered about it for a while.
Then she decided to move into the cloud.

It was less a decision then a instinctive reaction.
If she would have been able to think about it, Youmu would have reached the conclusion that the cloud drew her to itself.
It was a trap.


She stood in a long hallway, black stone walls stretching to her sides, only lit by the torches attached to it.

“Whoa, where am I?”
She looked around, then noticed that behind her was also just a stone wall. No black cloud, or something comparable.

Youmu panicked for a moment.
Then she calmed down, thinking that a way out of it must exist. Or at least someone who could open that path.

She went to her right, only to stop after a few steps.

Before her was something. It filled the hallway, had four legs, an enormous body, growled at her and appeared from apparently nothing.
It immediately jumped at her, and she defended herself with a slash from Roukanken. The creature took a step back, less out of pain than out of confusion.

Youmu also took a few steps back.
The creature did nothing. Instead a line on the ground lit up in a golden light, becoming a see-through wall.

“So, whoever created that cloud made sure everything would go the same way.
 I get it.”
After finishing, she began walking in the opposite direction.

A long walk later, she stood before a door. Every side-way the phantom-girl saw soon was blocked by a golden barrier.

She hesitated for a moment, then opened the door...

Just to stand in a giant chamber. She couldn't make out the other end or the end of the sides.
But the parts she saw were full with scribblings, sheer power emanating from them and sometimes, they glowed, just to form magic circles when the glows collided..
“Heeeee, I didn't expect someone to show up so soon.”

The voice came from her left.
Youmu spun towards it, to see young man sitting in a comfortable chair, drinking wine in a crystal glass.
The darkness in the chamber made it hard to see him, but it was all the more harder due to his black clothing.
The ankle-long open coat, the shirt beneath it, the gloves and even the hat that hid most of his face were all the same black.

“Well, who would you be? Or first, why the suspicious look at my wine?”

“I'm Youmu Konpaku. And who are you?”

He weighed his head to the right.
“Even if it seems impolite not to answer you, I can't. My name is one of the seals that stabilize my 
 spell. I'm sure you don't want to die from sudden surges of energy. That's a pretty nasty way to die,
 even for a half-phantom.”

“How do you know that? And why do you use magic that draws in those shreds of humanity?”

“You're good if you figured that out. It's not as easy as you say, but besides me there is only a
 handful of people who could understand my magic. For your first question, I'm quite experienced
 at my job, good enough to understand what I see a second time.”

His voice was filled with arrogance at those words.

“Stop that spell. It's clearly a threat. When I got here, a monster attacked me. What if...”

He interrupted her:
“It can't hurt you, it couldn't hurt anyone.”
The man stood up:
“And I won't stop my magic.”

Youmu walked towards him:
“What is the purpose of this ritual?”
Her voice was calm. She could already see where this would lead.

“Ah, I can't tell you that. You see, magic rituals are a gamble. The more you risk, the more you gain. 
 I created the most interesting situation. Here” he pointed to the desk before his chair, which was lit 
 by a candle. On it stood a board: “Since Gensokyo is rather secluded, you won't know chess. It   
 resembles Shogi, though I don't know how far.
 But those figures are the figures in my ritual, my side and yours. Since I made the first move, my 
 figures are the white ones. If I tell you the rituals purpose, I would lose the highest possibles awards.”

There were six white figures. A two-edged sword, a crown, three faces with different expressions and one that was hard to make out in the candle light.
It was the farthest away from the candle.
The faces surrounded one field that glowed black, the crown stood before them and the sword behind them, all being seen from the candle.

The black figures were five in number. But Youmu felt that their positioning was more important.
At the fields edge was a gohei, at the other side were another gohei and a long staff with a white crescent at it's peak.
Between them was a broom. The last figure looked like a long sword and a short one, crossed with each other. This figure stood right before the one that couldn't be seen.

“I suppose you and I are those two figures that face each other?”
Youmu turned to the man who walked a few steps away from the desk.

“Correct. My plan will be revealed when six figures fall. And it will be put to a stop when all
 figures of mine fall.”

“So it can happen both at once?”
Youmu wondered.

“No, because your figure will fall, one way or the other.”
He smiled at her shocked expression.

“How so?”
She said while backing away.

“You have two options. First: Vow to me that you don't mingle with my ritual and I'll let you out.
 Second: Fight me. But you won't win.”

“I'll fight you. Judging after your words, you're the strongest figure on the field. So our sides chances can rise, if I beat you.”

“I thought you people are a bunch of loners, minding your business.”

“We are, until someone disturbs our peace.”

He grinned wholeheartedly: “I like that way of thinking.

Let's begin!”

A sword materialized in his right hand, a two-edged black longsword with silver lines that run parallel to the edges.
He took a few steps towards her, then swung it fast and the blade clashed with Roukanken.
Youmu now attacked even faster.
Their swords met for the next five minutes repeatedly, both checking out their enemy.
Then they backed away simultaneously.

“Your teacher must have been first class, your better than I dared to hope.”
He still smiled.

“I give back that compliment.”
Youmu responded.

Then she began her attack with holding up a card and declaring:

[Hell Realm Sword “200 Yojana in 1 Slash”]

She send her ghost half up.
From there, it shot big bullets down with a pattern resembling the opening of claws, one after another.

“So that's one of those Spellcards I heard about.”
He muttered: “Looks rather simple.”

Then Youmu moved extremely fast right through the bullets, slashing everything in her way.
The bullets she touched exploded in several smaller bullets that flew in his direction.

“I take back what I just said.”
His reaction were fast movement and a continuous counter-barrage with black flames.

“I itched to try this!”
He shouted out when holding up a card and then declared:

[Possessive Summoning: “Beast of the earth”]

A brown aura surrounded him.
Then stones came up around him, hanging in the air.
They served as shields, one moved higher than the others and tiny pieces broke off.
Those pieces flew at Youmu, with deadly precision.
She however dodged them and started another barrage at the same time, through the same move.
But after she dodged, something suddenly hit her. It looked like a part of the flying stone that decimated before her eyes.

He predicted her movement after just one slash?
In Youmus eyes, that was impossible, at least for a human at his age.
Only a experienced fighter would be able to see through her movement so fast.
At the same time, she knew he was a human. Somewhat odd, but a human.

So she instead observed him closely while waiting for his next move, after ending her Spellcard.
It was far to dangerous to use a technique he could counter with so much power.
Youmu noticed the magic circles on the flying stones.
Then a thought shot through her head.

If the symbols are the source of the attack, then...

She decided to test it.
She did that through a quick sweep with her sword, releasing a few magic bullets in form of small  swords.
He didn't move, but the stone above him started another barrage.
Youmu moved away, leaving her left site open on purpose.
As expected, stones came flying from there, too.
But since she was prepared, she corrected her movement and dodged those as well.
Her own attack didn't get through the stones around him, but something else would have been surprising.

“I figured out your attack.”
She calmly said.

“Now I'm curious. You would be the first one to do that so fast.”
He replied, still grinning brightly.

“You control the stones with the magic circles, but at the same time you use the scribblings on the
 ground to form the same symbols. I don't know much about  that kind of circles and seals, but those
 must be used to manipulate the earth.”

He stood there for a moment, then released the Spellcard.
The stones crushed down as he laughed:
“Your good. This tech is useless when the enemy gets the trick.”
He paused for a moment.
“By the way, how did you discover the 'Portal of renewing ways'?”

“If that's the name for this big cloud, it was right beyond the stairs between my home and Gensokyo.”

“I didn't think a inhabitant of the netherworld would  mingle with the business of Gensokyo.
 Then again, if the door is this far open, it's normal that you feel affected by my ritual.”

After those words, he attacked with a swing of his sword, which set up several energy spheres that flew towards Youmu.
She understood that she couldn't hold back against him if he could fight on that level, despite controlling a large scale spell through a magic portal.

So her next attack was another Spellcard.

[Six Realms Sword “Ageless Obsession”]

She moved towards him at a insane speed, faster than he anticipated.

He couldn't dodge that attack.
She cut right through him, activating a even faster combination of attacks.
This attack only worked when the first strike hit. She attacked in a fashion that resembled several magic circles overlapping.
But then something happened that was not supposed to. He parred her strikes.
After her last strike, she once more slashed at him with Roukanken.
It made him lose the grip on his sword, but before she could use that, he whirled through the air and kicked her away.

“I didn't see that coming.”
He said when both of them recovered.

“Your not as good with the sword as I thought.”
Youmu replied.

“Oh, I'm even better than you can imagine. I simply didn't mention the most important fact of a
 swords-fight with me.”

“That would be?”
The half-phantom asked.

He moved his left hand and the black sword appeared in it.
“I'm a lefty.”

He held back?

Her only thought before he sprinted towards her, sword raised over his head.

She could barely parry it, but he pressed on with fast swings from every direction.
Then he hit the ground with the swords peak, using the impact to jump over her in a pirouette.
When his right hand was over her head, he released a wave of energy which drove her into the ground,
that splintered from the sheer power around her.

Youmu jumped away as soon as she could.
He still stood on the other side of the damaged ground, which recovered fast.
Faster than Youmu.

“What did you do?”
She asked while she struggled to hold her balance.

“Gravity manipulation.”
He replied.
“It's a feat for itself that you can stand after it.The air around you was a hundred times heavier than
 you. A normal human would have died, as well as lesser demons or Youkai.
 But that's meaningless now. If you don't have some special one-shot-attack, my next strike will beat 
The tone of his voice became merciless at the last words.

Youmu thought it through.
In the end, she could use only one technique, but she didn't master it.
Then again, she had no other choice.

She stood up.
“One strike that decides everything.”

“Wonderful how pragmatic you are about it. The last one I offered that chance, instead killed
 himself. He got mad thinking about his failure.”

They both held up their cards

Youmu declared:

[Paradox Technique “Nonexistent Strike”]

He declared:

[Paradox Way of Live “Strike of Destroying Everything and Nothing]

Before Youmu could even think about the similarity of the names, they attacked each other.

The clash of their weapons would have destroyed every window around, if there were any.

A really long chapter just with Youmu and the cause of the incident. Well, she is one of my favorite characters.

But, I'm sure the fight could have been better so give me opinions, ideas, anything.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2011, 09:11:57 pm »
I feel like my name is appropriate when no one comments.
Anything would be good at this point.
Here's the next chapter.

Chapter 4:

Around the time Youmu stepped into the cloud-like portal, Reimu finished her preparations to search through Gensokyo for the source of the phenomenon.
Mima was watching her.

“Why are you going so abruptly? Yesterday you said you wanted to sleep over it.”

Reimu sighed:
“After I woke up, I checked on the border – nothing happened with it.
 But then I had another of those strange visions, showing me a tree five times bigger than 

“That's terrifying big.”
Mima responded.
“So, mind if I come with you?”

“Why so sudden?”
A surprised Reimu wanted to know.

“I've been in this shrine for ages. Give me some freedom.”

Before Reimu could answer, Mima continued:
“If you're so worried about it, why don't you bind me to you? Temporary, of course. I just help you
 and then you seal me to the shrine again.”

Reimu laughed:
“Is that a joke? I won't seal you to my home again, you can travel around Gensokyo as much as you
 like. You should have asked.”

“You really don't like my presence at all, hm?
 Anyway, I can overcome the seal that binds me to the shrine, but you got so upset the last time I did
Mima pointed at their trip to Makai, when Demons swarmed Gensokyo
And Reimu had been terribly mad, because of what Mima talked about with the culprit, not because of the seal-breaking.

This seal made it impossible for Mima to go to far away from the shrine, although she could wander of for a distance that matched 1 hour by foot.

“That had a different reason.”
Reimu sighed.
“Okay, you can come with me, but please don't try to do something evil. I'll purify you if you do.”

“No trust at all, huh?  You have my word.”
Mima said.

Reimu felt like she could believe Mima this time and her intuition rarely misguided her.
“Fine, then we set out.”

Around the same time in the Forest of Magic:

“So, did you get anything, ze?”
Marisa asked Alice.

“Well, yeah, but I don't like what I got.”
The puppeteer replied, seemingly tired.
“In a book from Patchouli, there is a ritual that creates side-effects similar to this. It was used long 
 ago to transfer life-force. The spell uses an unstable energy source, memories. But, due to it's use
 it's considered Blood-Magic.”

“Blood-Magic? Like Remilia?”
Marisa asked confused.

“No, Remilia is a Vampire, that magic is a kind of itself. This Magic was created by humans, mostly
 heretics that longed for forbidden power. I don't know how many people use it, but less than 10% is
 friendly, at least from those noted down in this book.”
 Alice showed it to her.
“There are assumptions of this ritual being able to be used on large scale. It would then suck out
 Gensokyos energy, and destroy it.”
She bit her lip at those words.

“So, it's really serious this time, ze.”
Marisa muttered.
“But what did you mean with memories?”

“Some Mages and Magicians tried to utilize them for their magic-experiments. Though no one can
 say for sure, successes existed only in rumors. The phenomenon of memory-shreds is the only
 certain result, mainly because the books writer lead the experiment.”

Marisa looked once more at the book.
'The theory of blood and memory in magic' written by the Drotarin.
“Who is that? Only the surname stands there.”

“I heard he held the title of the strongest magic-user until he died a year ago. Shinki, my mother,
 knew him personally and often mentioned him. Only his students could use his research for rituals
 like that.”

“Okay, so our enemy is most likely the pupil of the strongest Magician that existed up until now.
 That's great, ze.”

Alice couldn't read Marisas tone or her face.
“He states that he is a Mage and that there are differences between a Magician and a Mage.
 Ask the mastermind of this case about it if you meet them.”

Then Marisa set up to investigate.

“Good luck.”
Alice muttered.

Same time, in a side-way of the chamber where Youmu would soon face the young man in black:

The boy with the blue flames in his eyes stood before a construct of magic and technology.
It stabilized the space-changing magic of the portal between this world and Gensokyo.

“So he's serious about his plan, huh?”

He looked at the machine.

“Every part is exactly like the old man noted it. Fascinating. Too bad it's gonna be destroyed now.”

He summoned his sword.
The blade had a faint blue glow on the edges of it's pure white bezel.
“Looks different every time I summon it.”

After those words, he threw his sword  at the machines core.
It was destroyed and he summoned his weapon back, then hurried out of the room.

After the explosion, which he covered with a spell, he thought about the situation.

“The ritual can only be stopped by destroying the portal, that is possible only from the other side,
 Gensokyo. But, every half-sane mind that is strong enough for that, would try to analyze it. That 
 again triggers the transport unless it's hit by a magic item instead of a being. The old man must
 have set that up in his paranoid phase.”
He laughed about that fact.
“Guess the ritual won't be stopped the easiest way, but the other is hardly gonna happen.”

Then he hurried on to cause as much problems as possible.

Back to Reimu and Mima:

“I think it's in that direction.”
Reimu pointed at a random direction.

Mima said smiling.

“No objections?”

“Why, you were able to solve all those incidents in the past.”

Reimu shrugged and flew forward.
Aside from the usual faeries, there wasn't much happening.

The Shrine Maiden had her Gohei with her, while the ghost had her staff with the crescent in her hand.


“What are you thinking about, Reimu?”

“We're getting closer to the netherworld. What would happen if you get there?”

“I don't know, but do you think we will enter it?”

“Not really.”

15 minutes later, they stopped.
Before them stood a impressive figure.

He was tall, and had dark brown hair and clear blue eyes. His smile was friendly and winning.
He wore a simple but expensive looking red garment with golden ornamentation.
On his head rested a crown, yet he didn't look arrogant or pompous. Rather, it looked natural, normal.

“Who do we have here?”
Even his voice was friendly and soothing.

“Are you behind the scheme with those images that appear in our mind ?”
Reimu seemed rather annoyed at his appearance.

“'Nice greeting', is what my best friend would say. But I'm not so sarcastic, so instead I answer with

“That was easy.”
Reimu looked pleased.
“Stop it after we've beaten you up.”

“I think threats went different. Also, I may made this happen, but not as the mastermind of it.”

“Then who is the mastermind?”
Mima asked with an seemingly innocent grin on her face, which somehow made the man feel a faint insecurity.

“I can't tell you. As much as I understand, saying his name would be terrible. But be reassured, it's
 not as harmful as you may think, it's...”

The rest was cut off when a giant blast of energy flew at him.
He dodged it, but barely.

Isn't that her attack?
Mima thought and her grin widened into a smile.

A familiar black-white figure sitting on a broom shouted out.
“They set up a ritual to take Gensokyos life-force!”
She looked at the ominous man.
“Give up after we've beaten you up, ze.”

He turned to Mima.
“Is it normal to use such useless threats?”

“It is.”
She replied seriously

“Well, I can't let you pass, even if you would not try to beat me up.
 My name is Derok Jassel, king of the land Tansel.
 For it's sake, I shall fight you!”
He posed according to his words.

“Do you want to beat him up Mima?”
Reimu was not interested in his words.

“I would love to.”
The spirit said and floated forward.

“My first fight with your 'Danmaku' is against a ghost?
 Your not being fair.”

“We don't care.”
Reimu and Marisa replied in unison.

“Just great.”
He readied himself.

Okay, now I inserted one of my creations into the storyline and revealed his name.
I totally suck at giving names so that's the one thing I don't want to hear about.
Comments regarding anything else are appreciated.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2011, 05:59:49 pm »
You really don't want to comment.
But I'm gonna be stubborn with this story and finish it.

Chapter: 5

Youmu started to wake up.
At first, she felt lost, partly because she sat in a big comfortable chair.
Then she remembered what happened and immediately jumped up.

Just to sit down again, as she felt the pain from the strike that knocked her out.

“Your tougher than I imagined.”
His voice was right beside her.
She looked towards him, who was leaning onto the chair.

“I lost, huh?”
She never imagined she would lose against someone in such a fashion, so one-sided.
He didn't even go serious, that would have killed her. Not even Yukari or Yuyuko fought like he did.
Despite the Spellcard Rules being in effect, she was overwhelmed by sheer power.

“Yeah, and because of our fight, I couldn't move the ritual into the next phase. If I can't keep up, we won't reach the fifth phase, which decides everything.”

“And which phase is it?”

“The third, almost the forth.”

Youmu was hit by a new thought.
“Why do you tell me?”

“Because it's irrelevant. You can't fight without your weapons.”

Youmu looked around.
She couldn't see her swords
“Where are they?”
Youmu felt sick. Those swords were her family-treasure.

“Right here.”
He said, suddenly standing at the table in front of her. The swords leaned onto it.

“Give them back, please.”

“Don't worry, you get them back after the story is finished. I'm not completely heartless, you see.”
Then he grabbed Roukanken.
“But, to see the Lookout-Tower Sword... I'm impressed, the tales were not exaggerating.”
He swung the Katana a few times.

Youmu breathed hard.
“Why are you able to wield it?”

He looked at her with an irritated expression.
“What do you mean?”

“Roukanken cannot be used by humans.”

“And what about not completely human beings?”

“Are you a half-breed? Or a Magician?”

He laughed.
“No I'm a... Let's call it a mutation. My body changed, but I'm still mostly human.”

Youmu felt a  bit better at those words and sighed.
“At least I didn't lose to an ordinary Human in armed close-combat.”

“I'm certainly not ordinary.”
He agreed.

“What's going to happen now?”
Youmu asked.

“You will stay here with me for a few hours, until the ritual is finished, then you are free to go were
 you want.”

“I thought it would more dramatic.”

“I didn't kill you because there was no reason. On the opposite, I have someone to talk with while I
 wait. I'm happy.”
He sat down in a chair on the other site of the table with the chess-board. The figure that symbolized Youmu was broken.
Then she noticed that the others changed positions. The crown, the broom, one gohei and the staff were close to each other.

“Reimu and Marisa, but who is the staff?”
Youmu muttered.

“A Shrine Maiden and a Witch - or a Magician -, huh? The last one could be another Magic-user.   
 And they face this wanna-be-king. At best he will hold them off for 10 minutes, if he is really 

“You don't trust his abilities?”

“Nope, I saved his live too often from weaklings.
 Also, if they are as strong as you, then I miscalculated the time by far.”

“The Spellcard System is there to prevent the powerful from simply overwhelming others.”

“Then there is the problem that he has no talent for magic or fighting, and that he is not used to your
 system. Am I correct to assume that some practice is still a advantage?”
“Mostly, but if you face Reimu, then no.”

He seemed curious now.
“Why's that?”

“Her given abilities are great. If she would fully utilize them, she could be one of the most powerful
 people of Gensokyo.”

“He wouldn't last four minutes against her.
 But I have some questions regarding that world.”

“That world? Wait, are you saying that...”

“We are in a different world.”
He cut in.

Youmu suddenly felt even worse than before.

“Looks like you need to collect yourself.”
He raised his head as though hearing something.
“I take a look at the ruckus outside. You can't destroy anything in the room, nor take your swords,
 so don't even try.”
Then he walked away, mumbling something like
“Guess I have to leave the questions.”

Mima started to attack with wide spreading bullets. The king - Derok -  answered with sending out
a few bullets at random. They were small, slow and weak, as if he didn't know what he did. Getting away was easy for the fast Mima.
He soon held up a card and declared:

[Kings Word “Edict from the Magnanimous”]

The name promised much more than the reality held. He simply attacked with bigger bullets, this time some aiming at her.
But it was still slow and easy to read ahead.

“Are you even trying?”
Mima asked disappointed. Finally a fight and then this weak.

“What are you talking about? Is it that easy?”
He was irritated.

“You're boring.”
She sighed.

He released his Spellcard.
“So I'm weak even from a strangers view?”
The king seemed hurt.

“You are.”
The spirit replied.

“Then here goes my best shot.”

[Inner Strength “Draw of Nobility”]

Behind him appeared countless bullets. A few flew towards Mima, which she easily dodged.
But then the bullets behind him spread out, slowly but steadily. Mima continued to attack him, while gradually losing the space to move in.
It was visible that some of the bullets were faster than others. But just before the last wave of bullets - tightly packed together as a line - got to her, Mima broke the spell.

“I lost. And”
Derok looked at a watch he pulled out from a pocket.
“in less than three minutes.”

“That was a bit entertaining.”
Mima said.
“But you should refrain from fighting.”

“How cold.”

“No, cold would be to kill you.”
She turned to Reimu and Marisa.
“Now, should we go then?”

The fight was easy on purpose. That king is a joke character for me.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2011, 08:20:41 pm »
Sixth chapter is up now.

Chapter 6:

Youmu calmed down a bit.
What am I supposed to do now?
She felt a slight oddity in the air around her.
After examining the ceiling and the ground, she noticed on both of them a magic circle. The same, and she was in the center of it.
So he didn't lie.
Youmu heaved a sigh.

A door was tossed open and the scribblings around it glowed. As expected, the young man in black came back. A slight grin lied on his face.

“Feeling better now?”

Youmu nodded.

“Why were you so shocked?”

She took some time to answer.
“Well, last time I was dragged into another world, it was... traumatizing.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really. Rather, what happened out there?”

“Looks like someone broke down a few stabilizing machines of the ritual I'm running.
 But it won't interfere with the main phenomenon, so it's not all that important.”
He sat down in his chair and looked at the board.
“That was fast.”

Youmu already noticed that the crown had broken.
“Your king is down.”

“Good thing we are not playing chess for real.”

“Could you tell me what that means?”
She pointed towards two new figures.
One looked like it hadn't yet taken a form, while the other had the form of a scroll.
The first was close to the still not visible figure of his, but the other seemed get closer to the three pieces. Both were black.

“Well, the rules are loose. Those figures you see are the ones with the potential to stop my plans.”

“Okay. But, since it doesn't matter, would you tell why you use those shreds?”

“Can't see why not. They are memories, used to seal destructive powers in this world.
 The strength of memories depends on the person having them and their connection to it.
 For an example, the memory of you receiving a present is usually stronger then you seeing
 someone else receiving a present.”

“And for what do you use them?”

“I can't tell you yet. Your friends need to beat my pieces of the game, or the fifth phase needs to
He lifted his head.
“Cea, there's no need for that.”

Youmu followed the direction he seemingly looked, just to face a blade, inches away from her face. She didn't even notice anyone getting closer.

“Are you sure? She doesn't appear to be an ally, judging from your words. Hindrances are to...”

He interrupted her, his voice annoyed.
“Do you think a hindrance would be in the condition to talk with me?”

“N-no sir.”

“Just report.”
He grew even more unfriendly.

“It appears someone destroyed the Bandars core.”

“That's gonna be a problem. You're dismissed.”

The woman walked away.
Youmu only got a glimpse of long black hair, tied into a ponytail, when she leaned out of the chair.
“Who is she?”

“My subordinate. I'm rather important around here, ya know.”
He appeared like he didn't want to talk about her anymore, so Youmu changed the topic, despite being nearly stabbed.

“What is the Bandars core?”

“The creature you mentioned before our battle was held back by it. It, and several others are...
 Part of the ritual.”

“You can't get more clear? Then I have another question.
 You mentioned machines before, are you using them to make this story safer for your allies?”

He seemed surprised.
“Yes, that's their reason. I hate needless risks in serious situations.”

“Sounds logic.”

“Don't say that. A basic rule of magic is, the more power a ritual holds, the less explainable is it's

“Is that why those shreds appeared in Gensokyo?”


Youmu was confused.
“Why do you explain it? Boredom can't be your only reason.”

“You are a clever one. In fact, I change the possible outcomes to the better with an opponent
 knowing it.”

Now it was more shock than confusion.
“So you're using me for your ritual?”

“In an unbelievable subtle way, yes.”

Marisa told Reimu and Mima everything Alice had told her.

“So, that king was about to lie. I'm not surprised.”
Reimu sensed a certain bitterness in Mima when she said that.
This surprised her. After all, Mima was always devious and happy.

Marisa nodded. She seemed happy that Mima was part of the team this time.

They still flew in the direction Reimu thought to be right.

“Still, that battle was boring.”

“He certainly was weaker than the first enemy is usually.”
Said Reimu. She got another feeling, as if someone followed them.
Then she saw it. The big black cloud. And there stood three men around it.

“Hey, you there. Get away of here!”
One of them shouted out, but Reimu was too irritated to respond.
The reason was their appearance.
All three wore knee-long coats and a sheathed broadsword on their back. But the colors were distracting.
The one who shouted was dressed in a light red, his eyes resembled emeralds.
The one to his right had a dark green coat and sapphire eyes.
And the last one wore marine-blue with ruby-like eyes.

“Are you dressed like that on purpose?”
Marisa. Her curiosity was endless.

“What are you implying?!”
The green one shouted out.

“Nothing, just wondered, ze.”

“We will not go back, unless you can force us.”
Mima just had to provoke them.

“Then we will do that.”
The red guy walked closer.

Then the blue one stepped before him.
“We should try to explain the situation as much as the master allows.”

He apparently was less aggressive than the others. He turned around.
“We mean no harm, if you do not either. So please leave this place.”

“We know what you're plotting! If you hinder us, we will go through you, ze.”

The blue guy sighed.
“Then we will fight. But, it will involve close-combat.”

“Fine with me, ze.”
She ignored Reimus expression, even though the Shrine Maiden looked more than just annoyed.

Reimu seemed to reach a new level of annoyance.
“Is the perpetrator in this cloud?”

Everyone was surprised at her sudden shout.

“No, this is a portal to another world, so he is not 'inside'.”
The blue guy got his composure back.

“That was both, exact and unexpected.”
It looked like Reimu calmed down a bit.

“Our kin cannot lie, nor go beyond our masters orders.”

“What are you?”

They began to smile.
“We are the remnants of heretic humans.”
The green guy said.
“We are the victims of arrogant gods.”
The red one continued.
“We are those freed from the most cruel death-curse.”
Finally the blue guy ended.

Then they said in unison:
“We are the Salre.”

“Now that was impressive.”
Mima muttered.

“What is a Salre?”
Now that Marisa recovered from her shock, she was as curious as before.

“That's just the name we were given by our master. Our curse made us forget for what reason
 we had been tortured, as well as who we were before.”
The green one answered.

“That sounds like a cruel curse indeed.”
Mima seemed to sympathize.
But Reimu didn't believe that to be the case.

“No need for any talk.”
Once again, the blue one spoke.
“You don't need to bother with that. All that matters is the battle.”
Then he unsheathed his swords, and the other two followed.

Just to cause a headache for Reimu.
Their swords were in the color their clothes and eyes let out.
The red one had a dark blue sword.
The green one drew a sword in the red of intense fire.
And the blue one possessed a sword  in mint green.

Mima immediately closed in on the red guy, swinging her staff in a wide arc, but the man parred her attack one-handed.
Marisa shot a few stars at the  green one, who jumped to the side, where she immediately attacked.
“Witch Leyline!” She hit him with her broom right into the stomach.

Reimu and the blue guy were more careful. He held his broadsword between him and her.
A good position to parry straight attacks, but Reimu had other ways of attacking.
She jumped up.
“What are you...”

Then his eyes widened with Reimus words
“Rain dance!”
She jumped right over his head, but headfirst. Then she released a few amulets that flew in a circle under her head, hitting him off-guard.
The moment she got to the ground behind him, Reimu spun around and drove her Gohei right into his rips. He then gasped for air, while Reimu retreated.

“You are good.”
He said, with the face of someone who was already defeated.
“But I can't allow myself to lose.”
He closed in on her with a fast thrust from his sword. Reimu jumped to the side, but saw her own mistake the moment  his sword spun around 90°, so he could follow up with a horizontal slash.

In the last moment, she used another technique.
“Demon Sealing Dimensional Rift.”
The Shrine Maiden disappeared and appeared at another point, far enough away from him to dodge the attack. But she followed up with firing a number of needles at him.
Once again he couldn't react fast enough. The needles drilled into his arm.

He almost screamed.

“Weird. That shouldn't have worked so well.”

He looked up.

“So you're a kind of demon.”
Reimu suddenly chuckled.
“I have just the right thing for you.”
She got a bit closer, then released a Spellcard

[Divine Arts “Demon Binding Circle”]

A barrier expanded around her, soon enveloping him, who was rendered speechless.
After it disappeared, he lied on the ground, unconscious.

“He wasn't as strong as I expected.”
Reimu, different to Mima, was relieved. The weaker an enemy, the faster you get rid of it.

Then a familiar beam tore the air.
Marisa loved flashy magic. Her Master Spark was best proof of that.
The green guy was also unconscious. That left only Mima and the red guy.
She seemed to enjoy the fight, both striking at each other, while dodging the others attacks.

“Bring an end to it!”
Reimu shouted.

“Care to tell me about your little outbreak?”
Marisa asked after getting closer to her.

“I was just annoyed. This incident feels different from usual.”

“How so, ze?”

“This cloud is a portal, right? Then where does it lead? Another world? We didn't have that save for our visits to Makai.”

“You're right.”

Then they focused on Mimas fight.

The red guy seemed to be getting impatient, as his attacks grew more and more careless, his sword became faster and faster, his defense weakened.
Thus, Mima used the crescent of her staff to divert the sword and crushed the handle with an elegant sweep against his skull.
The last one fell unconscious.

A familiar voice.

Reimu and Marisa both spun around...
To face a woman in a white dress with a open cloak over it. Black stripes ran along her chest, while white stripes ran along her arms. She also wore a black cape.
Her long, wavy, brown hair seemed to fade to purple at the top and her hazel eyes looked at the three of them, now that Mima floated beside Reimu.
The woman also held a scroll in her hand.

Reimu almost hissed.

Marisa was friendlier.

“Who would you be?”
Mima asked politely.

“I'm Byakuren Hijiri a humble monk of Myourenji.”
She smiled warmly.
“And you are a spirit that resides in the Hakurei shrine.”

This “humble monk” was a Magician of sorts, starting her life as a Human but becoming a Youkai in her fear of aging and dying. After that, she developed an urge to protect Youkai. Some humans then sealed her, but she was freed recently, partly due to Reimu, Marisa and another one.

“That is not quite correct. I was bound to the shrine because I tried to destroy it once.”

“My, I was not aware. But more importantly, can you tell me something about those shreds?”
She looked around questioning.

“You can see them?”
Marisa asked.

“Yes, although I was the only one at the temple, so I made a move myself. Can you see them as

“No, but Alice can.”

“Alice... ”

Reimus eyes widened a bit.
“She is a Magician. Just like you.”

“You're right, ze.”

Byakuren frowned.
“Are you implying only Magicians can see them?”

“Looks like that.”
Mima said.
“So, how about we go through that cloud?”

“I'll come with you.”
The monk said.

“Wait, please.”
Another familiar voice reached them.

Not her as well.
Reimus annoyance from before the battle returned.

A girl around her and Marisas age landed on the ground.
Her dress looked similar to Reimus, but with white-punctured blue instead of red and less frills at her skirt. Her wavy hair was green, with a frog button and a snake-like accessory in it. Her eyes were a darker shade of green.

“What do you want, Sanae?”
Reimu asked, clearly angered.

“Help you, of course! I thought we are friends by now.”

“Not after you're last visit.”
That would be the day before tomorrow. Two days was the highest time-span Reimu was  seriously mad at someone. Even if it would be Sanae Kochiya, the Wind Priestess and shrine maiden of the Moriya shrine. Her gods could be quite aggressive at times, and Sanae had to tell others converting phrases when that happened. They moved to Gensokyo from the outside world, so she sometimes used words no one else understood.
“Come on Reimu. The more the merrier, ze.”

“Fine, but don't get on my nerves you two.”
She looked at Byakuren and Sanae.

“May I introduce myself to you two?”
Mima appeared to try to distract Reimu.
“I'm Mima.”

“I'm Sanae Kochiya, a living god.”

“I know. Whenever you get to the Hakurei Shrine, I see you.”
Mima chuckled.


“Let's go, ze.”

So the five of them went through the cloud.

Byakuren is only there because she's one of my favorites. (If not my absolute favorite character)
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2011, 05:32:55 pm »
The evil guy shows his face!

Chapter 7:

“I didn't think my familiars would be so pathetic.”
The young man in black sighed.

Youmu once again had to calm down after he told her how he used her for the ritual.

“Yes, familiars. The smallest pieces in my ritual. Alone each of them is currently slightly stronger than the king, and it seems they fought separately.”
He paused for a moment.
“I told them not to do that. In team, they accelerate each others powers extremely right now.”

“So, I have a different question.”

He raised his head.

“It's about the attack you used to beat me. Why is it so similar to the one I used?”

“Because yours is a lower level of my style. I also wanted to ask, who told you about this tech, I

“You? But I got that from...”
She stopped. Telling an enemy about other people was probably bad enough, but Yukari was somewhat of a trump card against people like him.
“From a friend of sorts.”

“Smart not to tell me. But chances are limited as is, so it will only take an hour or so. Though I have
 a good guess who told you about it. Any other questions?”

“You mentioned meeting another half-phantom before. Who was that?”

“A old man, quite impressive sword-skill. Some of his techniques inspired me to new ones. I met
 him a few years ago.”

“What was his name?”
Youmu grew excited. Maybe it was...

“I think he called himself Youki.”
He raised his hand to massage his chin.
“Youki Konpaku. He is your grandfather, right?”

“Y-yes, how do you know?”

“After we fought, he asked me to tell his granddaughter something, if I ever meet her. There you

“Will you tell me?”

“When the ritual is finished, yes.”

Youmu had another question, but was afraid of the possible answer.
“How ended the fight? Who won?”

“It ended in a draw.”

Her eyes glowed.
“Then you're really good.”

“And now even better. If none of us held back, who knows how it had ended?”

“Held back.”

“We fought in an official tournament, our whole power would have destroyed the place.”

“Can my grandfather travel between the worlds?”
Youmu almost muttered.

“Yes, but that ability is wider spread than you think.”
He stood up and walked away a few steps.
“You know, you're likeable. I get along just fine with straightforward people like you, people who
 wear their emotions so open. So I'll tell you the reason I chose Gensokyo. You people are strong. 
 Even stronger than I anticipated.”
There it was again. This arrogance she sensed before they fought.
“A ritual of the paradox ways needs strong opponents to work out. A risk no sane Magic-User 
 would  take.”

“The paradox ways? I thought that no one could make use of them unless they are born for it.”

“Less than 20% of the things that make me up are ordinary. And they are not as they are for others.
 I can make use of almost every magic discipline that exists. Even from different worlds and 

“That sounds unique, even for Gensokyo.”

He was grinning again.
“As I said, even the special things about me are different and unique.”

“Why does it feel so cramped, ze.”
Reimu wanted to slap Marisa for this words.
The five of them stood in a line, pressed together between the walls.

“Who had the idea to step in immediately after each other?”
She growled.

“I-I was tha-that.”
Sanae replied abashed.

“I knew it was a bad idea to let you join.”

Mima got transparent for a second and the others all fell down.
“I will silently laugh at this image for a long time.”
She was chuckling at it for now.
But then again, you don't see a Magician, a Buddhist monk/Magician and two Shinto Shrine Maidens lying over each other everyday.

Reimu freed herself and looked around.
Then she inspected the golden barrier before her.
“Mm. That's pretty flashy.”
She turned around.
“We shouldn't go through it, though I could lift it.”
She pointed at the monster behind it.
Pure murderous intent swept from it in waves.

“Good with me, ze.”
“Sounds good.”
“If you think so.”

“Then, let's get going.”

A long walk later.

“Do not move!”
A female voice shouted out.
It belonged to a girl  that stood in front of the only door at the corridors end.
She wore a shining light silver armor. At her side hung a sword. Her long black hair was tied into a ponytail and her orange eyes gazed coldly at them.
“Any farther and I will intercept.”

“Hey, military lady, is the culprit of our problems behind that door, ze?”

“I'm not a lady.”
She seemed offended.
“I'm Ceara, the second-in-command of our lands military forces. For you I'm 'General'.”

“So, you intent to stop us, Ceara.”
Mima provoked her by ignoring the honorifics.

“I do. You are hindrances that I will discard in the name of my superior.”

“That king Mima beat up?”

“No, but now I will punish you for that. No magic, just combat.”

“I will fight you.”
Mima suddenly declared.
She whispered to the others.
“Go when she's against the wall.”

“Mima, what are you doing?”
Reimu was the most surprised.

“Having the most fun~”
Typical answer. She just wanted to enjoy her fight without anyone to make her rush.

Then Mima swung her staff, but the girl ducked away and drew her sword, just to immediately ram the handle into Mima. Much to the spirits surprise, it hit her. The weapon was enhanced with magic.
She recovered from the attack and drew a vertical arc with her staff. The girl blocked it, but had to take a few steps to the wall. Staff and sword were still wedged, so Mima pushed on and dragged Ceara against the wall.


The other four did as told and rushed through the door.

“They are coming.”
He snapped his fingers and while the chamber lightened up, he walked towards the door.

Youmu saw the chessboard, now changed to show a smaller space. The staff and the two-edged sword stood before each other while the other pieces got closer to her position every second.
 And the white symbol she could never see, appeared to be a mix of a bird and a bat.
Then the door opened.

Reimu looked at a young man in an ankle-long black coat with red ornamentation and margins.
Under the coat, he wore a black shirt, followed up by black trousers. He also had black gloves and held a hat in one hand. His more than shoulder-long light brown hair was tied together in the neck.
But his eyes were one of a kind. The white was gray, the black was white and the colored iris was replaced by light blue flames, flickering to the inside from every direction.
He smiled.
“Welcome. Your timing is perfect, now that my name can be said.
 I'm Fabian Drotarin, and if you intend to interfere with my plans, then I will fight you.”

The next chapter will be longer.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2012, 12:59:23 pm »
The main character appearing as the evil guy. I took long for the name, I wanted his first name to be ordinary, on the contrary to his surname.

Chapter 8:

It's not a bat.
Youmu looked at the symbol.
It looks more like the half of... a dragon.
She gasped.
A being between a dragon and a eagle. The symbol of the Drotarin family.
She looked up at him – Fabian – who looked at the group of four.

He had a hard time keeping himself from smirking too much. The situation was even better than his anticipation made him think. Or rather, his intuition.
It never failed to bring him the most fun. But this was extremely good. Hakurei, Myouren and Moriya.
Three old names, one completely forgotten and the other two only half-known. And representatives of them were here.

“I'm thankful.”
He said.

“For what, ze?”

That one was not part of his plans.
“Now, my little ritual here attracts representatives of powerful names, and a fellow Magic-user. It's interesting to see that.”

“Are you a Mage? Can you tell me the difference between Mages and Magicians, ze?”

Fabian slowly weighed his head from the left to the right.
“Pleased to see you acknowledging it.
 Magicians are using the magic surrounding them, as well as the magic inside them to concentrate it into a form.
 They strive for techniques and formulas that allow them to do that more efficiently and  in a wider array, or to bring it into a elemental or similar form.
 Mages, however want to manipulate the magic itself. We are not after bringing it into form, rather we want to bring the form into it.
 Our research and projects serve to bring us closer to a Core of Magic. Due to that, we can change already existing Magic at these cores, a part Magicians neglect.”

The Buddhist Magician Hijiri interrupted.
“However, Mages are not supposed to have the same amount of magic in them at the same level as Magicians.
 You are not much older than Marisa here, so I wonder why you have so much power at your disposal?”

“You know about it, ze?”
That girl – Marisa – seemed surprised.

“Not bad, Miss Hijiri.”
He ignored  their surprise about the fact that he knew her name.
“I'm different. There's no need to stir up my past right now, but the magic at my disposal is as great as the magic this world holds, normally.
 You got me at my weakest moment, so you have a chance of 0,001 % to beat me one-on-one.”

“You have some confidence.”
The Hakurei girl said. Her voice appeared over-average annoyed.
“But the Spellcard System is supposed to nullify overwhelming power advantage.”

“It would do that, if it would apply in this room. Think about it. You're in a foreign world, in a room your enemy prepared to bend as he wishes.
 And I won't hold back at this point. Meaning I won't use Spellcards but my true powers. Are you sure about your System?”

Her expression was more composed than he expected.
“Then I'm gonna beat you up without it. I want back to my shrine.”

“I respect that reason.”

“Em. I have a question.”
The Moriya representative raised her hand.
He nearly chuckled, so funny was it.


“Why are you doing it anyway? For what is that Ritual?”

He furrowed at her words.
“You came here without knowing that? I want to restore the seals that hold this world together. For that, I need Gensokyo's energy.”

“So you are going to destroy our home! We're gonna stop you, ze!”
Marisa exclaimed.

“That all depends.”

“On what?”
Byakuren asked.

“On this battle, a battle without rules.
 Will you be able to beat me? Let it start!"
His black sword appeared in his left hand and he closed in on them. Fabians right hand pointed towards them, creating black orbs to attack the four instantly.
They spread out, more by coincidence than tactic. Everyone dodged his attack. But he moved on, aiming for Byakuren.
He grinned when he appeared before her, thrusting his sword towards her throat.
She moved to the side and punched him. The moment her fist hit, he dissipated into black flames, reappearing behind her.
His sword was spinning around as he blocked the amulets of the red-white. The Mage was still grinning.
“You're quite good. No ordinary being could have done that. Oh, I didn't get the others names.”
His questioning gaze wandered from the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, over the Magician, towards the Moriya Priestess.

“Reimu Hakurei.”

“Marisa Kirisame, ze.”

“Sanae Kochiya, pleased to meet you.”

He nodded.
“Got it.”
Then he sent a wave of energy at the three, while moving his right hand fast as it pointed at Byakuren.
“Hidden Seal: Embrace of Failure.”
Only a name, no card.
A number of magic circles appeared around the monk, everyone being bigger than she was and with the flat side pointing at her.
Her gasp drowned in the sound of awakening Magic, as the circles became cylinders that enveloped her completely.

“That seems to be her fate, being sealed by humans.”
Reimu spoke up. It was hard to analyze her, he was about to say something similar.

So he just shrugged and replied.
“This one isn't gonna work for more than five hours. I only dispose of actual threats, she is a

Then he jumped away as Marisa yelled.

[Love Sign “Master Spark”]

She adapted fast to the difference to the usual Spellcards. The atmosphere in this world was completely different, so she would need more power for her attacks.
Strangely, he felt that she had more energy than he expected. This wouldn't apply to the other two, however. Those thoughts rushed through his head while he dodged the colorful beam.

As if to prove his theory, Sanae followed up with an attack of her own.

[Snake Sign “Orochi of Ancient Times”]

A giant snake glided through the air towards him.

“Are you actually serious?”
He sighed.
Then he started a spell of his own.
“Lost Summoning: Sacrifice of the Blood-Soaked Abomination.”
Something indescribable appeared before him, completely blocking the giant snake.
It was indeed soaking in a red liquid, making it even harder to find any forms in it. There was something resembling a claw on it's right side and something like a tentacle on the left.
Something in front of it moved and a long, despair-filled scream erupted from the creature.The snake crumbled away and the creature moved towards Sanae.

She screamed and flew to the other end of the room.
Fabian was a bit irritated, as a Priestess could beat this being in a matter of seconds.

“Now it's my turn I guess.”
Reimu sighed.
He, in return chuckled.

[Spirit Sign “Fantasy Seal”]

Her attack consisted of a number of colorful orbs.
After a while, they homed at him.

“That's gonna be a pain.”
He moved his left hand with the sword and suddenly moved to the right, extremely fast. There was a certain, metallic sound, as he moved away.
The bullets didn't get closer to him, and then they dissolved.

“Hey, no one should be able to do that!”

Interesting. She gets angry because of that.
He nodded.
“I often do things I shouldn't be able to do.”

After stopping his moving around, Marisa appeared behind him, shouting
“Master Spark”
once again.

Instead of dodging the giant beam, he held out his hand and began a counterattack.
“Dark Greatness: First Child of Arrogance.”
A black mass appeared between him and Marisa's attack, completely absorbing it.Then it attacked Marisa, in form of many small beams in unrecognizable patterns.
While she dodged, he took a look at the others.
Sanae still flew away from the creature.
Byakuren was still sealed.
Reimu attacked him with homing seals.
He dodged and sent out arrow-like bullets that spread out and drew closer again. Hard to predict.

“I'm getting more annoyed. Bring an end to it already.”
She dodged effortlessly and held up another Spellcard.
“Sanae, get Hijiri out of that!”

[Fantasy Heaven]

Seven Yin-Yang orbs appeared around her.
Then she shouted
“Dimensional Rift!”
and appeared right before him, sweeping her Gohei around before her several times.
He retreated while he noticed the faint glow around five of the orbs.

So they react to hits she deals.

Sanae got close to Hijiri, too close.
He couldn't hold back now.
“Burning Attack: Black Flame of Regret”
The flames he summoned burned high and far.They attacked in straight lines and moved towards the priestess.
Pitch-black flames of emotions. Those flames were very powerful. Able to turn a land into ash, but he miscalculated the situation.

Sanae turned around and attacked with her own card.

[Esoterica “9 Character Pierce”]

Streaks of energy appeared and blocked his attack.
He silently cursed the divine powers that negated emotion- and memory-magic as he slipped through the narrow openings.
Just as he wanted to say something, a extreme pain shot through his body.
It disoriented him for rather long. When he could see clear again, he immediately cursed.
The monk was free, the others stood beside her.
“How impolite to use my moment of weakness.”
His hand was still cramped over his chest.

“Are you okay?”

“Buddhists sure are friendly and naive.”
He gritted his teeth. The ritual now took all his energy. Six minutes were all that was left, at best.
After that, his aggressive powers would be completely drained.
“You bunch are more troublesome than expected. I guess I need something more.”

“Not gonna happen, ze!”
The Magician held up a small Hakkero. And the others also readied their attacks.

Hijiri began.

[Great Magic “Devil's Recitation”]

Four beams of light restricted his movements, while countless bullets cornered him.
A magic shield hindered those bullets from getting closer.
Then Sanae attacked.

[Great Miracle "Yasaka's Divine Wind"]

Even more bullets appeared, flying around almost circle-like.
The shield was extremely straining right now, so he extended it as a absorbing cover.
“Feels much better now.”
The energy slowly returned to him.
Reimu completed her Spellcard by hitting the magic carvings.
Not good, that's not good.
The Fantasy Heaven attacked him with a incredible dense pattern, breaking through the defense he had left. It tore his coat while he flew right into the wall.
“That hurt.”
He threw away the rests of the coat. The girls were stunned. No wonder.
His left arm was covered in thin black lines, which sometimes formed almost recognizable symbols, figures and patterns.
On his right arm was a chain tattoo. It whirled up the arm from the hand to the shoulder, as far as was visible.
Despite that, Marisa attacked.

[Perversion “Sure-Fire Master Spark”]

A narrow beam appeared right beside his head. Channeling Magic.
“Not gonna happen.
 Forbidden Seventh Attack: Black Heaven of Destruction”
He raised the sword for a last attack, when something green ran towards him.
At it's words

[Sword Skill “Thousand Cherry Blossoms”]

he realized his most fatal mistake. The green figure – Youmu – was almost impossible to spot in the pink flood rushing at him.
The seals that held her in place had broken. How could he have forgotten that? She pierced through him from the side, followed up by Marisas fully channeled attack.

I think this fight wasn't too bad.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2012, 05:42:54 pm »
Okay, here goes the next one. This is the end of the fist act, so I'll now start posting profiles on every of my characters, one per chapter.

Chapter 9:

“That was a complete overkill, you five.”
Fabian Drotarin sat on the floor with crossed legs.

“Sore loser, ze?”

“Marisa, was it? Now there will be a inter-dimensional rift between this world and yours. It's hard to stay calm, knowing that.”
He sighed.
“Guess it's my fault anyway. I should have used another procedure that wouldn't play roulette with
me. Before you even ask, this ritual can't destroy anything if it's properly used. I only reflect the
life-force of Gensokyo.”

“Why didn't you tell us?”
Byakuren demanded to know.

“I can't even say 'cause you wouldn't listen' because you're reasonable. It's a Possibility Ritual, so I
purposely lowered my winning chances so the effect would rise.”
He stood up very slowly.
“But I should work against the rift, if we all want to stay alive.”

Sanae looked at him.
“But you look pretty beat. Are you gonna be okay?”

He took out a dagger and balanced it between his fingers. They shivered a bit.
“A little sacrifice and your world will be saved. But I have a condition.”

Once again, Byakuren responded.
“We don't have any options. If you don't want any lives, I carry it out.”
As she finished, a truly divine person appeared, at the same time as Fabian rammed the dagger into his right arm.

The woman had waist-long blonde hair, shimmering unnaturally golden at the weakest light.
She wore a long, pure-white robe, held by a brown belt.
“I'm sad, that you can summon me only like this.”
Her voice was kind and caring, like a mother to her child.

“Leave it at that, please. I need the power.”
He looked a bit guilty, when saying this.

Her hand glowed as she slowly reached for his cheek.
“You know the price, so be careful.”

A rift opened behind him. It allowed a look at things that shouldn't exist and other grotesque forms.
“Come forth from the depths named after you, and do to my bidding!”
He said those words while the woman disappeared, ignoring her disappointed gaze.
“I summon you!”
His voice was challenging and ordering, more serious than in the whole fight.
A black creature came up. It was first just a aura around him, but extended higher and grew bigger and bigger.
It reached the top of the hall. The eyes were completely red and it had a dog-like head.
The shape was surprisingly human, but extremely muscular with brutal claws.
Instead of a abdomen, it vanished into Fabian, as tough it was a sign of their connection.
“Now, close the rift!”
He said domineering.
The monster growled and closed the rift with it's claws. There was no visible trouble.
As soon as it finished, it vanished.

He fell down to his knees and looked up at Byakuren.
“Now, please fulfill the condition.”

Byakuren nodded.
“I will. What is it?”

He opened a portal that showed Gensokyo.
“Take me with you. I don't want to stay here. That doesn't suit me. Give me shelter until I've  recovered.”
Everyone was surprised.
“Any comments later. The portal won't stay open for that long.”
They walked through it.

“What is with Mi...”

The spirit came towards the portal.

“What did you do to Cea?”
Fabian gave her a look that was hard to interprete.

“Beat her up good.”

He shrugged, then stumbled.
“Okay. And thanks.”
That was meant for Byakuren, who held him in balance by holding his shoulder.

On the other side of the portal stood four figures. The Salre and Derok.
“Is it over, Fabian?”

“Yeah, yeah so go through the portal before it crushes down.”
Since the king didn't move, the Mage nodded towards the blue Salre.
That one led the king through the portal.

“What are you doing? Get here!”

“The letter on my desk explains everything. Now, bye bye.”
The portal crumbled.


“What for? Last parting words? That's not my way in this situation.”
He cringed.
“I prefer a bit more style. But look out for Cea. She lost a battle, so her moods terrible. But tell her,  it's not her fault from me.”

The king sighed.
“Why are you so unreasonable?”

The portal crushed down completely as Fabian muttered
“That's what I chose.”
so nobody could hear it.

After that, everyone looked around. They were at the place they started, the plateau beneath the Netherworld-stairway.
“So, what were you doing there, Youmu?”
Reimu turned to the half-phantom.

“Well, I went into the cloud before anyone else, and he beat me.”
She seemed abashed.

The red-white sighed.
“I don't think you could beat him in one-on-one fighting. But”
She turned to him.
“I have a few questions why you used a ritual that made me feel worried. Why did you disturb my

He was breathing heavily.
“Could we leave that until I'm not on the brink of fainting? I promise to answer your questions in a
week, when this is healed.”
He lifted his right arm. Instead of a single dagger wound, a long and deep cut was visible.
But strangely, he didn't lose much blood.

“How do you know it will heal that fast? Maybe if you visited that doctor...”

“The wound is the sacrifice I mentioned. It's depth depends on the amount of power one takes.”
The young man gritted his teeth.
“I need rest now.”

Byakuren supported him as he fell down again.
“You're right.”
She smiled.
“I will take you to the temple I live at. How does that sound?”

“Temples tend to be peaceful, especially Buddhist temples. Sounds good to me.”
Without another word, they took off towards the Human Village. Fabian followed Byakuren.

The others were stunned.
“What was that guy anyway? No Human could have this much power.”
The Shrine Maiden Reimu seemed rather displeased.

“But he is a Human, more or less.”
Everyone looked at Youmu.
“He said it, and he didn't lie at all, while I was there. There were just a few things he didn't tell me
 fully until I asked for that.”

“How could he get so much power?”
Marisas eyes were shining.
“Maybe I can copy some of those tricks. Absorption-Magic is pretty complicated.”

“I wonder if he will be okay. He looked interesting.”
Sanae also had a certain glow in her eyes.

Reimu looked around.
“Am I the only one who thinks he is dangerous, even for Gensokyo? Using a more threatening ritual
just for a better result sounds rather crazy for me.”

“Yeah, so? It wasn't really evil, so I can't see the difference to the other incidents, ze.”

Reimu was at a loss of arguments against Marisa. She was right. It wasn't much different from Byakuren's incident, where Reimu first thought it was absolutely evil.
She took a deep breath.
“Okay. I'm just a bit too tense, I guess.”

As they flew through the air, Byakuren still supported Fabian since he could barely muster up the energy to fly.
“I have a little question. May I ask?”

“Alright, Miss Hijiri.”
He had trouble focusing his eyes. This was worse than expected.

“There is no need for honorifics. Just Byakuren will do. Also, the people in Gensokyo are rather  relaxed on that matter.”

“Thanks for the advice, Byakuren. Please call me Fabian then. What was your question?”

“Those tattoos. Are they as I think?”

He was silent for a time. Then answered.
“Probably. They are not tattoos though. They are scars from an excessive release of uncontrolled

“Uncontrolled Magic? And are they only on your arm?”

“I'm not gonna tell you.”
He looked away.
“And on the first question: The magic power you use is tamed, so it won't flood the users body. 
 Magic that never experienced control will... change anyone nearby it's release. A Human is less
 human after that, as is a Demon less demonic. They become unique, as we are already. And please,
 don't compare it with your hairs color. It was terribly painful, almost too much for the power I

“Did you do that out of your free will?”

He bit his lip.
“Let's say it was something I had to do, no matter the cost.”

Fabian was thankful that she didn't press the matter any further.
She instead brought up something different.
“If you're weakened so much, maybe I could give you some energy.”

He had a fight with himself, if he should trust her or not. Then he nodded.
“Alright, I need some now.”

She was closely looking at his face as he felt a bit power returning to him. But he didn't notice it. Byakuren definitely saw the other scar. It was located over his right eye, from the forehead to the cheek ran two parallel lines, only visible by the lighter skin.
“I won't ask something unpleasant, at least not conscious, or press a matter you want to avoid. I am not that curious.”

A simple reply.
“How long will it take to your temple?”

She smiled again.
“We will avoid the village, as worn out as you look. That wasn't an offense.”
She added.

He also smiled, though weakly.
“I didn't take it offending. You're right, after all.”
Fabian critically looked down on himself.
His black shirt was full of cuts and shreds hung down from it. The trousers were hardly in a better condition. The silver-gray pendant, that showed the same emblem as his coat had – The left side was a dragon with wide-spread wing, it's body melting with the eagle from the right side in a similar pose – was now visible.
“I'll have one of the Salre get me a new set of clothing.”

“I will ask some questions about that story and your 'Salre'.”

“I know.”
His smile won a bit in intensity.

Act 1: The Travel towards a new Destination –

Fabian Drotarin

Age: 16

Species: Human (?)

Abilities: Ascended Absorption, Manipulation of Reality (Incomplete)

A young, but extremely powerful human Mage that lost his parents early in life. It is unknown who taught him in Magic or swordsmanship, but that person also taught him to use his given ability of Ascended Absorption. With this, he can absorb any form of energy and even control the technique in which it was put. The absorbed energy is permanent, explaining his magic resources. The Mage or The Traveler are common ways of referring to him, even if there are few people to know the reason. His life had been rather bitter, making him sarcastic and cynic, opposing his personal optimism. He earned great fame in different worlds, and – depending on who is asked – one will hear that he is either a hero or a plague. After meeting The Second Drotarin, his powers multiplied significantly. Especially feared are his 'ways', legendary attacks he collects and changes so they suit him. The only other known fact about him is, that he feels a obligation towards balance, thus making him a rare case of powerful Human, who normally choose between light or dark. Nobody knows about any connections he has, but as he stays in Gensokyo, he may open up to others.

Character development begins in the next act.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #12 on: February 09, 2012, 04:59:22 pm »
Okay, this is the beginning of the second act 'Another Path'. It's not very spectacular, more a filler for the time before the reasons are explained. The first lines can be irritating, don't pay any attention to it.

Chapter 10:

'Psychological report on subject 15PD400.
 First day:

 The subject feels clearly offended and angered by it's imprisonment.
 It walks through the room over and over again.

 Second day:

 The subject sat down on the futon and doesn't move.

 Third day:

 No changes.

 Fourth day:

 It began to smile without any reason. Suggest shortening of food ration and taking off electricity.

 Fifth day:

 It still smiles, despite the lack of food and electricity.

 Sixth day:

 It looks right into the camera and forms words with it's lips. Sugg(Rest is unreadable due to an 
 excessive blood-pool.'

Fabian Drotarin lowered the report about his imprisonment.
The guards and scientists made a dozen of fatal mistakes, the gravest being that there were no blockers for telepathy from the outside. That girl sure had been violent.
He looked around the room Byakuren had given him for his stay.
Nothing special just a small room with a futon, a window and a desk, at which he was currently sitting. The reason was, there were no quarters for men, especially not for Humans.
Then he looked at himself. Instead of the elegant coat he usually wore, he had a simple shirt in dark blue. His trousers were light blue.

The door jumped open and a certain person almost jumped at him. She wore a white sailor uniform with green lines, shorts and a cap in corresponding colors. Her hair was black and her eyes dark green.

“Hi, Fabian! What's up?”
She had a beaming smile on her face.

He also smiled.
“Yo, Murasa. Nothing special, as the past four days.”
He stood up.
“I was just 'bout to take a look around. Wanna come with me?”

Minamitsu Murasa shrugged.
“I don't have anything to do anyway, so yeah.”
She was a Funayuurei, a shipwreck bringing ghost. Byakuren saved her from that, so the ghost-girl mostly followed her around.

They walked towards the temple gate.
Myourenji was a traditional style Buddhist temple with several floors close to the Human Village. Sliding doors, Statues of Buddha, everything.
There were many Youkai as worshipers, not surprising, but there was a certain harmony between them and the Humans. Fabian valued that.

A loud voice appeared.
“Not her again.”
He sighed.
“I thought it would be quieter here, you know?”

“You say that everyday, you know?”
She laughed at his sour face.
“You hate it when someone mimics you. Your expression is so funny.”

“Yeah, yeah leave it at that. The 'you know' at the end is my trademark. Or maybe I'll stop that.”

“Oh, please don't do that.”
She laughed again.

Then a girl appeared.
She had dark green hair with big brown ears standing out. Her dress was a pale pink in different tones with a few green flower buttons. A white dress was visible under it.
She was sweeping the grounds and reciting Sutras. Loud. That girl was a Yamabiko, a Echo-Youkai, so that was only natural. But it still was too loud for his ears.

“Kyouko! Please yell it more quietly.”

The girl, Kyouko Kasodani, stopped sweeping.
“But that's my morning duty. I need to recite Buddhas teachings.”

“I'm not telling you to stop completely, just while I'm this close. Pretty please?”
He had a begging smile on his face.

She fidgeted around and lowered her voice as she answered.
“Ooooh, fine.”

He saw her blushing.
“How cute you are.”

She looked at him with her dark green eyes. Her cheeks flushed red.
“I-I'll make a little pause.”

“Thanks, Kyouko.”
He and Murasa walked on.

“She sure likes you.”

“Adorable and cute, you know.”
He examined his right arm. It was bandaged from the shoulder to the knuckle.

“So, how's the wound?”
She completely ignored his comment on Kyouko.

He chuckled, then answered.
“As it should, nothing changed.”

“Byakuren said you were responsible for the things she saw. Why could only she see them?”

He looked at her. He was a good deal taller than her, so he had to look down.
“I'll explain anything involving that after the week is over. Those Shrine Maidens will come then.”

She rolled her eyes.
“Why do they have to come here? Can't you just leave it at that?”

Fabian sighed.
“I already said I would explain it. You can think what you want, but I hold my promises. That's the
best point about my character, so let me have it.”
He had a rather sour smile on his face when he said that.

Her shoulders hung down.
“Okay, fair enough. Then, what were you reading just now?”

“A report about me.”

“What do you mean?”

He handed it to her.
“I was in a prison where they observed me as their test-object.”

“Whose blood is that?”
The ghost-girl stayed calm. Well, she had her own little murderous experiences, so he didn't wonder about that. Byakuren briefly described every inhabitant of the temple before they got there.

He shrugged.
“Dunno. The girl that got me out there was pretty violent. And just as pretty. A dangerous
combination, you know?”

Murasa looked at it again.
“And what is written there?”

He had forgotten that it was written in a language from another world. A habit of his was, to not even notice the languages he read if he knew them.

“I first walked through the room, then sat down and waited. When she got into the prison, I smiled
 at the camera as a subtle hint that the cards shifted. End of story.”

“You can be really mean.”

He was about to say something, when familiar short yellow hair with black streaks walked into his sight from the right. Her hair was the most outstanding thing about Shou Toramaru, he always saw her hair before anything else.
As usual she wore a dress in burgundy with orange at it's edge and white sleeves, a tiger pattern over her abdomen. Carrying her spear, she apparently looked for something.
Fabian sighed in unison with Murasa.
Both knew what she looked for. That Youkai continuously lost a little pagoda. A pagoda that belonged to her god, Bishamonten. Due to Byakuren, she had become his disciple so the Youkai would trust him.
Though Fabian knew about him as a patient and friendly god, any patience eventually ran out. And losing his insignia would be just the situation for that.
At that point, Shou spotted the two of them.
“Have you seen the jeweled pagoda? It's...”

“We haven't. No need to explain.”
She also lost it when he got to the temple a few days ago.

Byakuren had him sit down when they landed close to the temple he now knew as Myourenji.
He coughed.
“I didn't feel like that since my sisters last tantrum. And I didn't think I could feel like that from
something besides my sisters tantrums.”
That fascinated him.

“It sounds like you have a interesting family. But I thought you felt better.”

“Well, yeah. But the throwback is hard, too.”

“Oh, maybe you need some more magic?”

He stood up and staggered a few steps.
“Nah, I'll be okay. Just a bit rest.”

She walked towards him and put his left arm over her shoulders.
“Let me at least help you. You are my guest, so I will treat you as one.”
Although she said it like a offer, he hardly had any means to decline.

Then Shou appeared.
“Byakuren-sama, have you seen...”
Then she saw him.
“What happened?”

The monk calmly answered.
“He is injured as you can see. Prepare bandages and a room for him to stay. He saved our lives so
treat him kindly.”

He interjected.
“I was the one who endangered you in the first place. Please don't leave that out.”

“What? You, are you the culprit?”

He returned her aggressive gaze undaunted.
“I am.”

She would have attacked him if Byakuren wouldn't have stood right beside him.
“Do as I told you, Shou.”

“Yes, Byakuren-sama.”
He could see how she gritted her teeth.

After that, he repeated what he already said and Shou settled down. She wasn't too happy about him being at the temple, but she didn't say anything so he was satisfied.
Maybe she would lose her prejudice against him sometime. Wouldn't be the first time someone forgave him.

“What's with that reaction?”
She coldly stared at him.

If I ever meet her alone, she's gonna try kill me.
“Well, it seems to be your habit to lose it, even if you don't notice that.”
He had to duck behind Murasa as Shou swung her spear around.

“That's not true. Tell him, Murasa.”

“It's completely true.”

Shou was at a loss for words.
Then she just walked away.

“She doesn't like me at all.”
He shook his head.

Murasa still stood before him, but now turned around.
“Nah, she just thinks your bad , 'cause of how you came here. Give her some time and she will be friendlier.”
Both of them shrugged, but Fabian suddenly lost his balance.
Murasa caught him as he fell to his side.
“Wow, you're alright?”

He closed his eyes.
“Just... nothing. I'll go back to my room.”

She still held his arm.
“You look pretty pale. I'll bring you back.”

He sighed.
“I must be rather pathetic, if I need a pretty girl to escort me for other reasons then good

Murasa giggled.

He now had a headache.

“You called me pretty.”
She almost snuggled up to him.

He staggered a bit as they walked.
“I'm just mentioning the obvious, no reason to react like that.”
She still giggled.
After some time passed, he raised his head.
“That's why I have a headache.”

“What? Is it me?”

“As if. It's complicated.”
He said nothing else.

“I'm waiting.”

“Okay. It's me getting accustomed to Gensokyo's magic flow. It's different in every world, so
someone sensitive to magic needs to get used to it.”

“How many worlds are there?”

He laughed briefly.
“Too many to count. Every world follows it's own rules, so visiting them is interesting. Especially
 when the geography is different and the people look different. But there are worlds that share their 
 history, like this one and many others.”

She seemed impressed. Then they reached his room.

“I'll get some rest.”

She gave him one last look.
“You look like you need it.”

The Salre

Age: ?

Species: ?

Abilities: Strengthening each other, serving as familiars, doing everyday chores that annoy their Master

The Salre are familiar spirits Fabian took from a place that is never mentioned. Though there is an unlimited number of them, mainly three appear actually. Garek, who wears blue, Torek in green and Tsaer in red. They have different personalities and are differently strong. Garek is a pragmatic full-time servant, who thinks of nothing else. Tsaer is a pick-up-artist, who constantly aims for girls that are weaker than he is. Torek is more balanced, but has a habit of slacking and fooling around. The other Salre are weaker servants, but nonetheless have more power than a Human. Normally, they fight separated, but Fabian also pairs them up by mixing their theme colors. They rarely do that then, though. Tsaer is the weakest, and Torek the most powerful, Garek takes the command, as he follows his orders to the end. If killed, they return to their formless state, from which they can be retrieved every time. Due to the rituals that made them his servants, they became close to Demons, even though they were Humans before. If they are not involved in fights or free time, they do everything Fabian finds too annoying to bother himself with.

The nest chapter will finally explain the story a bit more.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2012, 10:27:38 pm »
Okay, after having a few personal problems and a vacation I post 2 chapters and profiles.

Chapter 11:

Three days later Fabian was completely back up. At the same time came one of the Salre, the one in blue. He brought a new outfit.
The young Drotarin examined it as it lied before him.
“Just... perfect. Anytime he makes something, it's better than before. How does he do it?”

“I'm not sure, Master.”
The Salre replied. He was the keenest out of them.
His eyes were now blue, just as his coat and the broadsword on his back a simple gray. The other two had changed in a similar fashion.

“Tell them I'll be there in 10 minutes.”
He didn't even look up.

The Salre bowed.

“What are you saying, he comes in 10 minutes?”
The red-white figure was  angered.

“I'm just the messenger, so I don't know his reasons.”
All five had come.
Reimu, Marisa, Sanae, Youmu and Mima.

“Why so impatient? Relax a bit.”
Murasa was also there, as well as Byakuren and Shou. Everyone else was currently on their various duties or busy differently. They were in a room of the temple, where some chairs and a table had been placed.

Reimu took a deep breath.
“Fine, let's wait.”
She crossed her arms before her chest as she sat at the edge of the table.

Marisa sat down beside her, whispering.
“You really are impatient lately.”

“Spare me.”

Sanae sat down to Reimus left, Youmu at the Priestess's right and Mima at Marisas left.

Byakuren and the others sat down in the middle of the desk, since the other edge was intended for him.

“I'm here.”
Just as the blue Salre intended to sit down besides where his Master was to sit, that guy appeared.
His new outfit still consisted of a ankle-long black coat, but with gray margins and a hood.
Beneath it was a red shirt with black spots visible, and black jeans. No gloves this time. He also wore a different pendant. Seven rings, four on the left and three on the right of a snake biting itself that was pierced by 6 swords.
On a smaller chain attached to it was the symbol they already knew.
He sat down with casual movements, neglecting the cold stare from Shou and the annoyed look from Reimu.
“So, your questions?”

The Shrine Maiden began.
“Who are you and for what exactly was that ritual intended to do?”

“As I said, I'm Fabian Drotarin, the Mage of Reality and the Traveler of inner Wishes, and until a
week ago, I was the High-General of the country of Tansel in a different world. A land that just
started to recover from a revolt, where the current king overthrew his uncle and cousins, a bunch of
incompetent weaklings. That world has a long and tragic history.”
He looked at everyone.

Sanae curiosly bowed forward.
“But what did you do?”

“Renew a seal of a bloodthirsty Demon. It has been made an eternity ago.”
He leaned backward.
“I had to exhaust myself completely for that, which means it would take the power of three billion fully trained Mages for this. That Demon's pretty strong, a Great Demon of before this time.”

Everyone thought about what he just said.
Finally Marisa spoke up.
“So, you really didn't mean any harm, huh? But it's some gambling Magic, ze?”

He nodded.
“Mhm. I needed some bait for the ritual. So I had to spread out the things I renewed all over  Gensokyo. Memories.”

Now Youmu spoke up.
“You said someone destroyed the machines of the ritual. Why did you need them, and who  destroyed them?”

“Well, they stabilized things. The Magic, how it flowed, and such. I could explain it further, but that would be useless, because you wouldn't understand. I don't mean this aggressive,
but I follow the theories of a dozen of different worlds. There must have been another destroyer, as I only broke down the ones that wouldn't change the ritual.”
He raised a hand.
“I did that because I used this last plan as a way to disappear from there, without giving them a chance to follow me, you know. Being a general wasn't good for me.”

Now Byakuren interrupted.
“I have two questions at that point.
 First, why could only Magicians see those memories, and second, why memories? You just said the
 seals were made from lives.”

Again, Fabian nodded.
“That's right, but this seal was made from memories. The rules for Memory-Magic based seals are
surprisingly easy. You need someone whose power is on par or higher than the one you want to 
seal, and this person needs to be as old or older. A absolutely overwhelming power advantage
negates the last part. And on your first question: It's not that only Magicians can see the memories.
Only changed forms of life, can. Changed, or split.”
He looked at Youmu at those last words.

“Then, why couldn't I see them?”
Mima asked.

“Your change is part of the natural circle, it doesn't count.”
He sighed lightly.

“Whose memories were that?”
Sanae's question stood in the room, as the young man took a log time to answer.

“The second Drotarin. That's the reason I know about it.”

“Your ancestor?”
Mima asked with a grin.

He looked straight into her eyes.
“In a sense yes, my foster-father, to be exact.”

Everyone was stunned.
He just said it happened almost an eternity ago, so how old could his father be?
And he?
“Is your father a hermit, or something like that?”
Youmu got back her self-control faster than the others, partly because she felt used to him revealing shocking things.

He shook his head.
“Not in the sense you talk about. He lived secluded, but didn't do, whatever hermits do. Before you
ask that, he died almost a year ago. This part is finished.”
The Mage crossed his arms.

Sanae instead asked.
“So, what's so special about those Demons. I mean, there are many Youkai and Demons, why were
those 'Great Demons' different?”

“Well, everyone of them had some 'aspect of living' as his weapon, as well as a color. Things that are usually hard to  grasp or serve as a symbol for various things.
That Demon's name is 'Blue Lord of Dissatisfaction'.He doesn't sound very threatening, but could accelerate the slightest feeling of dissatisfaction enough to destroy cultures, if he would be free.
Plus, he has incredible power at his disposal.”
His voice grew friendlier.
“I'm sure you have some more questions but, would you mind to answer one of my questions first,
 especially Byakuren?”

“Just ask please.”
She encouraged him politely.

He nodded again.
“What is under your temple? It draws desires in, but I can't think of something beside a Demon capable of doing that.
But this feeling has nothing to do with one of those.”

Before anyone, Marisa answered.

He frowned.
“I'm not sure if I understand that.”

“It's a Taoist with the name Toyosatomimi no Miko. She can see the desires of person, I think that's how she explained it.”
Reimu added an explanation.

He frowned even more.
“Toyosatomimi no Miko?”
He then mumbled so nobody besides his Salre could hear him.
“Prince Shoutoku? I'm not surprised about the gender change, but wasn't that a Buddhist? Investigate.”

The Salre didn't move his lips, and replied quietly.

“And what is that guy?”
Marisa had another question.

“A Salre. My servants. They were suffering souls, as they are bound to a certain building that lives  with that.
I can't free all the souls, it would trigger an Apocalypse, but I take out the ones I think  don't deserve this fate.
I won't explain that place, don't even ask.  You won't get any information from me that's dangerous for you.”

“How friendly.”
Mima appeared slightly disappointed.

Youmu fidgeted around a bit.
“Can you tell what my grandfather told you?”

Fabian looked at her.
“He said only you should hear it. No need to be so impatient.”

“But if you go, you can't tell me.”

“I planned on staying in Gensokyo, so what's your problem?”

Shou broke out. The others were less angry, Murasa, Sanae, Youmu and Marisa seemed outright happy about that.

Byakuren and Mima also reacted positive, only Reimu furrowed her brows.
“I hope you won't start anything.”

He shook his head.
“Don't worry, I'm more interested in my personal peace anyway. Also, you will need my help sooner
or later.”

“How so?”

His expression shifted. He looked exhausted, like someone who has seen too much, and still sees even more. A irritating expression for his age.
“Traveling between worlds is getting modern again. Happens all few millenniums. Tiresome for people like me. Like I don't have enough to do.”
He snapped out of it.
“Heh. I'll take care of those guys if they'll be a threat. That's just 'bout my style.”

Reimus expression changed.
“So you will take care of trouble for me? I judged you too fast, it seems.”

He grinned mischievously at her.
“Only the ones from other worlds.”

Sanae held up her hand.
“Who was that woman?”

“A forsaken goddess from another world. It was hard work to save her, but I have a great ace in my hand.”

“But it costs you a horrible wound.”

“The wound's size depends on how much power I use.”
His head shot upwards and he grinned even wider.
“Trouble's coming this way. Guess I can fight with my full power soon.”

Chapter 12:

“What kinda trouble,ze?”

“Someone like me.”
His grin turned rather evil.

“Like you? How so?”
Byakuren wanted to know.

“Someone who surpassed the borders of what is allowed to Humans with his birth.”

“You are born with a power?”
Reimu was slightly curious.
“What is it?”

Fabian just smiled.
“I can absorb 'bout anything. Even a form, though I'm not good with that.”

Then a person stormed into the room.
She wore a white dress with blue trims and a nun-like headdress, under which her wavy purple hair was visible. In her hand she held a yellow ring, and a pink cloud followed her.
Ichirin Kumoi and Unzan.
The girl was a Youkai from the temple, as well as the Nyuudou.
“Nee-san! The Taoists want to talk to you.”

Byakuren looked at Fabian.
“Is that what you mentioned?”

He was looking around.
“Not quite. I sense someone who has a Demon sealed within themselves . A Taoist is not capable of that, for reasons we can discuss later.
Most Sealers are violent and self-righteous, so if they have one of them on their side, a fight will be almost inevitable.”
His eyes darted around.
“Leave that one to me, it's the kind of person I meant, when I said I'll take care of them.”

“If there will be a fight.”
Byakuren wanted to have hope.
He shrugged.

As soon as Fabian stepped out of the temple, his hair began to reflect the sunlight in every color.
“I hate that.”
He touched it and the glow disappeared.
There stood six persons, five females and one male before the temple. The first wore a teal dress and a blue and white vest with Chinese patterns.
Her eyes were blue, as well as her hair, that was styled in Chinese hair loops, secured by a large hair stick. She sat on an almost invisible white cloud.

Right beside her stood the second girl, which wore a red shirt in Chinese style. It had the same red trims at the sleeves ends that were over her black skirt.
On her head she had a cap with a star symbol on it, her forehead was almost not to see behind the charm over it.Her arms were kept ahead. But her skin was pale, very pale.
And the girl's hair and eyes were blue-grayish.

The third one was a ghost. She had two tails, and her hair and eyes were light green.
Her dress was a darker green, at it's bottom empty charms attached. Her hat was weird, and Fabian couldn't remember it's name.

The fourth person looked particularly old-fashioned.
Over her purple skirt, she had a kariginu, a old japanese coat that imperial courtiers or priests used to wear over 1000 years ago. Also, she had a eboshi on her hat, a traditional priests cap.
Her eyes and hair were gray.

The fifth girl gave the impression of a leader.
Her gray eyes were calm as she smiled at Byakuren. The platinum-colored hair shone in the afternoon sun, almost as strong as his hair.
It was styled like horns. The purple headphones were a bit out of place. Under the white vest was a purple skirt with elaborate trims visible.
At her belt hung a sword in a black sheath with golden ornaments, suns perhaps or stars. She also held a shaku, a wooden baton of various hierarchic and ritualistic use.
If this was Toyosatomimi no Miko, then the sword was undoubtedly the seven star sword.

The young man fixated him with his dark blue eyes. He looked rather martial with the shoulder armor over his bright orange robe and the halberd in his right hand.
His black hair was almost waist-long in a single ponytail.

“I know that guy. Who are the others?”
He whispered to Byakuren who stood to his right.

“From left to right they are Seiga Kaku, the wicked hermit, Yoshika Miyako a Jiang Shi under her
 command, Soga no Tojiko, Mononobe no Futo, a Shikaisen and Toyosatomimi no Miko, another
 Shikaisen. She is considered a saint.”
She returned silently.

He looked around and saw Kyouko beside the temple gates. With her was Nazrin, a Mouse-Youkai in a simple gray dress. Her eyes were red and her hair was gray, her big mouse ears visible.
She had a pendulum as a pendant and carried two rods wit her. This girl was Shou's underling.
There also stood Nue and Mamizou.

Nue Hojuu was, just as her first name showed, a Nue a Youkai that looked as you expected it.
In her true form, she wore a black dress with a blue and white trim over her chest, as well as a red bow. A red swirl was at the bottom corner of the dress. She carried a trident with her.
Her eyes were a dark red and her hair was black. She also had three red scythe-like wings on her back, on the right side, as the left had three blue swirly arrows.

Mamizou Futatsuiwa, the Tanuki, had a ecru shirt and a red-grey skirt. A bottle of sake and a notebook hung from her shirt.
She always wore glasses. Her brown eyes sometimes almost vanished behind them. On her shoulder-long, light brown hair lied a leaf, like always.

The two of them were powerful Youkai, though they didn't look like it. 
At that moment, Toyosatomimi no Miko spoke up.
“Byakuren Hijiri-san, would you mind to introduce this young man to us?”
Her voice had something demanding. His doubts were extinguished completely now. Only someone royal could sound so demanding without a reason.
Even if she was a Shikaisen now, her education didn't disappear.

“I'm capable of doing so myself. There's no need to make Byakuren do that. My name is Fabian Drotarin, as you most likely now, thanks to Goares Cra-ales.“
He pointed at the guy in orange. His voice was provoking.

Miko furrowed her brows.
“Why are you so unfriendly?”

“A habit. That hot-head there continuously tries to kill me, so if someone appears as his ally, that's  my reaction.”

She looked at him intensely.
“You. What are you? I can't sense your fear of death. Missing one desire is unusual and unreasonable.
But you have other desires excessively.”

“I'm a simple Traveler.”
He dodged the question.

“I doubt that. What will you do? Something good, or something bad?”
It was a sudden question.

He smiled.
“What is good or bad? We define those words for ourselves, so good for one can be bad for someone else.”

Miko still looked at him.
“Then, do you think protecting Humans from Youkai is good? Making sure they live save?”

Byakuren also looked at him, as he replied.
“The principle is good, but I can't see the Humans needing protection that badly.”

“Not? Then, how many died by hands of Youkai?”

“How many died by the hands of Humans? Killing your own kind seems colder to me. For an instance, rulers are cold for killing people without a second thought.”
It was a test which instantly brought a reaction with it.

Futo and Tojiko stepped – or floated – forward.
“How dare you!”
Both said that in unison. He hit the bulls-eye.

Goares also stepped forward, slowly.
“You are the one who has countless lives on his list. Don't avoid the truth.”

“I never did that.”
Fabian shrugged.
“Due to me many innocent died. I can't redeem for that, whatever I try. But I won't be trapped by that. I live in the present, unlike you.”

The halberd-wielder walked towards the Mage.
“How about we settle this once and for all, Traveler.”

“You can't go back on that. Are you sure you will settle down after this fight?”
His voice was brimming with sarcastic kindness.

Byakuren wanted to say something.
“Do you need to fight? And, please don't fight for me. You...”

She got silent when he laid his hand on her shoulder.
“I'm fighting for myself, you know? All I do is somewhat self-satisfying. Even if I repay a debt.”
He walked forward. Byakuren said nothing more.
“Ready Goares?”

The Warrior sprinted towards the Mage.
His weapon thrust towards his enemy’s stomach. A deadly attack. But Fabian just stepped to the right, the moment the Halberd would have hit.
He grabbed the handle with his right hand and turned counter-clockwise, to hit him with his left elbow between the rips. Goares coughed, but Fabian continued.
He let go of the halberd and his right hand hit Goares's stomach. Then Fabian retreated.
“Are you done before I use a weapon?”

“As if.”
His opponent said with gritted teeth.

The Traveler summoned his sword. It was the first time everyone could take a good look at it.
The long sword’s bezel was pitch-black, only the two silver lines that ran parallel to the edges gave it color. The bezel was broader the closer it got to the handle.
At some point, the angle of the edges changed and they met earlier than the lines.
He grinned even more.

Reimu watched the fight from the side. She and the other four got away from the temple gates, partly because the conflict didn't involve them.
The Mage was moving much faster and smoother than in their fight. She never saw a Human moving at the speed he used to attack his enemy.
The Shrine Maiden wasn't sure if even Youmu or Mima could keep up. Only Tengu could move faster. One moment he was a shadow on the right, then stormed from the left and attacked in an impossible angle.
“He sure is fast.”

“And strong.”
Youmu watched the fight careful.
“He must have been already weakened when I met him.”

The Mage and the Warrior stood a few meters away from each other. Fabian lowered his sword until it touched the ground in front of him. A pool of dark energy spread out from it.
“Forbidden: Bringer of Dark Salvation.”
Hands stretched out from the pool. Pitch-black hands with long arms, getting even longer as they tried to grab Goares. He ran away, raising into a flight. The hands followed him fast.
“Only one touch can end it. Be careful.”
Fabian clearly dominated the fight.

“Then I'll destroy them!”
A orange aura surrounded Goares and he swung his halberd. Pure energy flew around, turning the hands into shreds.
“Hahahahahahahahahaha! I'm gonna kill you, Drotarin!”
His eyes were opened wide, his face contorted into manic madness.

“You just can't control it. The Orange Master of Suffering is too much for you.”
It was the second time he showed this exhaustion.
“Use your best shot, or nothing will be left from you. I don't want to hurt your sister that much. Survive.”

The halberd-wielder held his weapon up high and channeled an immense amount of Magic in it.

Fabian held his sword up as well, channeling his power through it.

“King's Strike: Suffer from Everlasting Life”

“King's Strike: Lord of Blackness”
They attacked at the same time, swinging their weapons down. Pure power, in their corresponding colors, was set free and met each other.
The lights in orange and black was too strong to look at it.
When it subsided, Fabian still stood there, the right hand in a pocket and the left holding the sword downwards. Before him lied Goares. The halberd was stuck in the earth, right before the temple.
“What are you waiting for? Finish it.”

“Terribly clichéd. You don't listen when the Demon gets out, did you know? I won't kill you, I promised her.” 

Goares got up to his knees.
“That's gonna kill you someday. Holding your promises is dumb.”

Fabian shrugged.
“I only hold the promises I mean serious. And I'm always serious with beauties.”

“You're even like that when you're supposed to kill me. If you...”

“Spare me.”
He knelt down.
“You said you'd give up.”
He held up his hand. Energy fell down from it.

“Don't have a choice”
Goares said those words under constraint.

Fabians sword disappeared, and he had a paper in his hand.
“Go here for some inspiration. Helped me.”

Goares slowly stood up.
“I still don't like you. I outright hate you. But I'll take your advice. I promised to leave it at this.”
He stumbled away. After a few steps, a portal opened. He went through it without any words. At the same time, his halberd disappeared.

“May your path be in luck and safety, as you use to say.”
The Mage muttered those words as the portal closed. Then he turned around.
“What do you think about my way in life, Miko-san?”

“I respect it, Fabian-san. You didn't take his life, but gave him a reason to change directions. A good deed.”
She nodded with a friendlier face than before.

“My, Fabian you're helpful to your enemies? I did not see that coming. You are really kind.”
Byakuren also smiled at him.

But he shook his head.
“I'm just holding a promise. No kindness present.”

Byakuren and Miko looked at each other.
“Was that your only reason to come here Miko-san?”

“No, I still want you to go away. You disturb our peace, Buddhist. Fabian-san, as you are a strong Fighter and Mage, I request your help to fight them.”

He had a odd expression at those words. His eyes flickered.
“I can't see how extinguishing the Buddhists brings peace. Humans fight themselves even without a reason. I decline to side with you,
Toyosatomimi no Miko, as much as I respect your way of life.”

Mononobe no Futo glared at him.
“Will you side with them?”

“I side with myself. But I currently live at the temple, so I will protect it. Though I'll search for my own place.”

Byakuren looked at him.
“There is no need to go. I don't want you to think I'm using you, but you are always welcome at the temple to live here.”

“I don't think you would be that selfish to begin with. You're far to kind for that.”
He shrugged.
“But I need a place for my little revenges and don't want anyone in danger because of that. Too much trouble.”

“You want to convince everyone of how bad you are, don't you?”
Murasa spoke up.
“I can guess why.”

“Not now, Murasa. Please.”
He got her silent.
“Let's talk about that another time.”

Byakuren and Miko looked at each other.
“You won't do anything, right?”

“Not now. After this, there are things to think about.”
Miko turned around.
“We go.”

Her group followed her.

“I'll go inside.”
Fabian turned around.
“Any questions there.”

Murasa, Nue and Mamizou followed him.

“I'll go back home.”
Reimu flew away.
Marisa, Sanae and Mima followed her.

Youmu went after Fabian.

Byakuren and the others looked at each other, slightly worried.

Derok Tansel

Age: 17

Species: Human

Abilities: (are there any?)

In spite of his age, he is a king with great fame and popularity. Born into poverty, Derok believed firmly into his father's teaching of kindness.
His father was a exiled member of the royal family, who chose love over glory. After him being assassinated by his brothers, Derok was forced to run away and hide in far lands.
There he met Fabian, who befriended and helped him in claiming his ranks. As The Mage wanted to take off, Derok 'promoted' him to the rank of high-General of Tansel,
thus disabling his freedom. Derok is well-liked among his subjects, as he always thinks of them first, and believes firmly into his ideals. After his position was secured,
Fabian schemed a plan to get away and did so with the plan that saved the world where Tansel is located. The king thinks highly of his friend,
but feels overwhelmed by his battering, that was intended to make the king get stronger physically. He will now depend on his other subjects, as his General is away.
Derok has a honest and friendly character, paired with his strong sense for justice.

Ceara Lacaner

Age: 15

Species: Human

Abilities: Swordsmanship, battering others when she has a bad mood, strategies

Ceara was brought up in a famous family in Tansel, instructed to become a high ranked officer in the army. Her family however, angered other aristocrats, followed up by assassination.
She survived due to being a better fighter than everyone else. She was stripped of her family's glory and forced to wander around the land as a bodyguard.
After hearing of the revolution, she traveled to the palace to apply to the new king for a rank in his state, so she could fulfill her reason. She was made Fabian's bodyguard, to the anger of both.
He felt insulted by the fact of being given a bodyguard, while she viewed him as an outsider. This distrust melted away with the time, and she developed a crush on him,
as well as admiration for his deeds. Ceara appears cold-hearted, but only because she is bad at expressing real feelings. She was a tomboy as a child, and her behavior didn't change greatly,
save for her distrust of strangers. She will now take up the position as general.

This now is quite a turning point. I have to decide where the protagonist stays, or if he really gets his own place. Will I ever get a comment I wonder? It would be appreciated.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2012, 04:16:28 pm »
Here's the next chapter. I think the plot will begin later, so this is more of a phase for getting acquainted.

Chapter 13:

“Can I hear it now?”
Youmu had a begging look on her face. She watched as Fabian polished a sword.

“What he told me? Keep what you learned but go your own way, and never let something cloud it.”
It looked rather weird how he said something over major importance disinterested.
"That's the first part. The second part has to wait till I think you're ready for it.”
He didn't look up.
“What do you think, where could I go?”

“Maybe the Forest of Magic. When will I be ready?”

“Forest of Magic sounds promising. You will be ready when I say it. Don't worry, you can do it.”
He flashed her a smile.

“Thank you.”
She looked away.

What's that about?
“We'll see. That forest's close to the village, right?”

“Yes, the store Kourindou is between them.”

“A store, hm?”
He stopped and the sword disappeared.
“Why are you so tense?”

“I've never been alone with a guy before.”
She flushed red.

“I don't want to do anything to you. Besides, I could have done it while we were inside my ritual room.”

“I-I see.”
It convinced her somehow.

Nue opened the door.
“Can't you knock?”
Fabian shook his head.

“No. Won't you stay at the temple? You're so funny.”

“I didn't intend to be.”
He stood up.
“The point is: I need a place just for myself, with all the things a Mage can use. Some of them would collide with the temple as a whole, so my home will never be a temple.”

“Man, can't you just stay?”


Murasa and Mamizou turned up.
“Come on. We like it with you here.”

He frowned.
“I'll find a place, that's all there is to it. You can visit me if you want, but I won't stay here.”

“Too bad.”
Mamizou turned around.

“You can't keep me here, neither one of you.”

“How about a Spellcard duel? If I win, you'll stay, if you win you won't.”

“No. Why are you so persistent?”

“You're alright.”
Murasa stepped before him.
“You're the most relaxed person here.”

“No discussing matter.”
The Mage slowly lost his patience.
“We're friends, alright?”


“So, don't press the matter. My decisions are up to me, clear? That's extremely important for me.”

The three looked at each other while Youmu looked around confused.
Nue was pouting, but the other two nodded.

Like little girls. Aren't they supposedly older than me?
It wasn't a real matter for him, age hadn't much meaning to someone who could destroy a whole world in a blink of an eye. Or someone who was being stalked by a 10000 years old woman.
“So, you... Eh, Youmu, what is it?”
He noticed her confused look.

“I don't know what's happening.”

“Okay. You don't need to know.”
Fabian laid his hand on her shoulder.

She blushed again. Her ghostly half shivered.

He suddenly felt the urge to run away. Nue and Murasa glared at him.
“Hey, what's with those looks?”
They gave him no answer and rushed out of the room.

Mamizou gave him another look.
“You really don't know?”

“I have a faint idea.”

“Good. But...”

He was the one glaring at her now.

She smiled mischievously.
“Good, good. I'll go.”
And walked out of the room.

“What was this all about?”

“You don't need to know.”
He absentmindedly rubbed her shoulder.

“Oh... A-alright.”
Youmu blushed even more.
“Can you... stop?”

“Hm? Oh, okay.”
He withdrew his hand.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you.”

“It wasn't a bother, but...”
She whispered shyly. Then shook her head.

“I see.”

“I'll go now. Goodbye, Fabian-san.”

He watched her as she walked out.

The next day, Fabian ate his breakfast in silence, while the others chattered around.
“Hey, are you listening at all?”
Murasa leaned to him.

He replied honestly.

But he gave no answer.
“Okay. If you don't want.”
She sighed and resumed her meal. Nue shot her a look, but she shook her head.

After the meal and saying goodbye, he went outside towards the Forest of Magic. Not bothering with the store he saw, the Mage went inside the forest. It was filled with Magic, explaining the name.
Almost too much.
Especially the trees and mushrooms were packed with it. After minutes of walking around, he found a small plain, perfectly fit for his plans. No other things were present.
“Exactly as I wanted it. Salre!”
The faithful three familiars appeared.
“I will have it here.”

“Very well.”
The blue Salre bowed.

“Garek, do you even have a live?”
The red Salre looked at him.

“Tsaer, you should know that doesn't work.”
The green one shrugged.

“Torek, I love doing that, it's not important if there's a use to it.”

“You three won't change.”
Fabian shook his head.
“Do it.”
He walked away, looking at the surroundings.
I sense two notable presences. Marisa, and someone I don't know.
“I wonder if I'll get along with my neighbors.”

“We are finished.”
Garek stood behind him.

The Mage snapped his fingers and a tower appeared. It was giant, in black and dark brown colors, made of metal and stone. A few spikes and windows existed, as well as a enormous gate.
“Done. Furnish the inside. I'll take care of something else.”
He smiled and dissipated into darkness. Torek and Tsaer shrugged, while Garek got to work.
Moments later, black flames flew around and a faint shadow dodged. The shadow stopped on the plain, revealing to be a girl with pointed ears.
“What do you want from me, Tengu?”
He appeared before her.

“Ayayaya. I've been spotted.”
She had black hair over shoulder-length and a white blouse with a short black skirt, both decorated with leaf-prints. Her eyes were red and fixed on him. She carried a camera, giving Fabian instantly a bad feeling.
“I want to interview you.”

“No. I decline.”
His answer swift.

“Come on, you made a tower appear out of nowhere. You're interesting.”

“Leave me alone.”
He walked towards the tower.

“I won't go away without the interview I came for.”

“Should I force you away?”

“That won't work. I'm faster than you.”

“Ts. I'll beat you either way.”

“Good stuff for my inter... Wow!”
He just attacked her with a sharp wind, which she dodged.
“How cold.”
The Tengu flew away at high speed.

“I feel like that will be trouble. How far are you?”

“Round 10%, Boss.”
Tsaer made complicated symbols with his hands, while Garek muttered words and Torek drew other symbols into the air.

“Continue. I'll take a look around.”
He dissipated again, appearing before a house. It was a brown house with a darker brown roof in western style. It was partly covered with plants.

“Hey, searching for something?”
Marisa came up behind it.

“No, just greeting a new neighbor.”

“So you'll move here?”

“Mhm. Already placed my tower.”

“You're fast, ze.”

He looked around.
“Something's off.”

“What are you talking about, ze?”

“Nothing. Just sensed something.”

“Ah. Can you teach me that, ze?”

“I don't teach others, not yet.”
He shrugged.
“Who else lives here?”

“Alice. She's a Magician and puppeteer, ze. You really won't show me?”

“It's a given ability to begin with.”

“Too bad, ze.”
She looked around.
“Hey, Alice! Here's the guy I told you about, ze.”

The puppeteer came out from behind some trees. He saw her and instantly felt like she was Marisa's polar opposite. She walked closer slowly, a small doll flying around her.
“I see. But why are you so loud?”

“No reason, ze.”

The Youkai sighed.
“My name is Alice Margatroid.”
She talked to Fabian.

“Fabian Drotarin.”
He smiled and stretched out a hand.

She shook it.
“That name...”

“If you heard it you probably heard 'bout my foster-father.”
He stated.

“Oh. May I ask what you want here?”

“He wants to live here, ze.”
Marisa just answered in his place.

“How so?”

“Great place. Great panorama. And the forest doesn't have too much inhabitants to bother me, and I hate big groups of people.”

“Marisa fills for a big group on that term.”

“How promising.”
His voice was brimming with sarcasm.
“Should I get myself a watchdog?”

“I doubt that to be very useful. She gets away from Youkai guards even.”

“I'll get myself a demonic watchdog. No problem. Or rather a lion. I always get along with cats and their kind.”

“I see. You are a weird person.”

“Not the first time I heard that, nor the last I presume.”
He laughed.

“I think I'll go to the Voile library again. Bye, ze.”
She took off on her broom.

He nodded, but Alice sighed.

“You always rob the library.”
But the human Magician was already away.


“Yes. The Voile is the biggest magic library in Gensokyo and Marisa constantly 'lends' books.”

“Just got competition. I have the whole collection of my father, the results of several million years and worlds. Though a majority of those is too dangerous for use.”

“I'm impressed. May I lend one or another, neighbor?”

“I'll be careful with Marisa, but you don't appear like a problem, so alright.”
Fabian nodded friendly.

“Thanks. When your house stands, could I come over?”

He looked at a watch from his coat.
“Thirty minutes. I have some efficient workers. Oh, it's a tower, but I covered it so you can't see it from too far.”

Alice seemed impressed. She began to smile.
“Then, would you like to come over and drink some tea?”

He followed her when she began to walk away.
Tea isn't quite my style, but this is Gensokyo. I heard they notoriously drink it.

“My mother, I suppose foster-mother is more appropriate, knew The Drotarin in person. They were friends, from what I know.”
She looked over her shoulder.

“Who? He knew too many people.”

“Shinki, goddess of Makai.”

“Ooooh. He did mention her. She's forgetful, right?”

“Only a bit.”

He told me she tried to kill him because she thought he forgot her birthday. But he got her a very rare... I forgot. Anyway, she forgave him, though I don't know what he did to need forgiveness.

“What's that 'hm'?”

“Just remembering something. Not too important.”
He walked beside her now.
“Tell me, what's that book? The powers in it are quite something.”

“My personal grimoire. It does contain considerable power from Makai.”

“Gensokyo's filled to the brim with Magic, so Makai must be overflowing. Do you even know how fortunate any Magic-user is to live with those worlds close by? The world I originated from had barely traces around.”

“Oh my. Are there many worlds?”

“It won't end. A little secret is: Anything one believes in turns into reality, a independent one that can change and differ from the original concept.”

“How different?”

“I've been in some of those stories. They left me out completely, how disappointing.”

“Wait, what stories are you talking about?”

“Stories you'd find in books in the outside world. I played the most different roles, even coupling two people.”
He rolled his eyes.
“I tell you, I'll never do that again.”

“Was it that terrible?”
She warmed up to him, somehow.

“One of them tried to kill me after I delivered one half of the message. Talk 'bout short temper.”
His sigh was loud.

“You really are weird.”

“I prefer the term 'different'.”

She frowned, but it was more for the atmosphere than annoyance.
“Then you are different.”

“Fully and completely.”
A special grin lied on his face.

“Indeed. You are a Mage, I heard. That's a rare profession.”

“Around here, maybe. But I know places where Magicians are the rare ones.”

“So it's all a matter of the view-point.”

“That's always the matter for Mages. We manipulate, and the basic rule is to know as much as possible, from as many view-points as possible.”

“Is that the reason Mages aren't so popular?”

A house came into view. It had white walls and a blue roof, a part looking like a tower attached to the rest.

The door opened from the inside. A small doll, similar to the one floating around Alice, held the door knob.

“Convenient. And I like the style.”

“Thank you.”
She led him into a living room. It was decorated in a western fashion.
“It was actually hard at some points to get the furniture. How do you get it?”

“Prepared beforehand, as well as the house. I just need to teleport it here, my familiars are doing that.”

“Do you have many familiars?”

“Enough that I would have practically nothing to do, if I'd let them do everything. I mostly use three of my Salre, though.”


“I call them that.”

“How did you turn so powerful?”

“Forbidden and forgotten measures, spiced up with being life-threatening. I think I lost around a dozen of years just from how nerve-wrecking it was. But enough 'bout me, what's with you?”
They sat down while talking and the dolls served tea.
Promising day.

Next chapter will show a beginning for the main plot line.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2012, 05:24:54 pm »
Looking at this chapter, it's way too focused on the protagonist. I try to focus on others as well in the future.

Chapter 14:

After talking for an hour, Fabian returned to his new tower, Alice accompanying him. On their way, Marisa came back, loaded with books.
“You really are a thief. I have to take some counter-measures.”

“Come on, ze. Patchouli's gonna live for so much longer than me. She can have them back after I die.”

“Terrible argument.”

“So, I'll return them to you sooner.”

Not the right moment to tell her how long I will live.
“What's sooner for you?”

“20 years.”

“I'd give them to you for a month at best. Even that's arguable.”

“You have a way of dealing with her.”
Alice looked at him. She gained a certain respect while they had talked.

“Come on, ze.”
Marisa repeated herself.
“A month would be good.”

“Even one earmark, and you'll pay the exact price of the book.”
Not that I intent to give her a valuable one.

“Okay, ze.”
They reached his tower.
“Nice one, Fabian.”

“She's right. A great tower, I can give back your compliment from earlier.”

“Thank you.”
If you screwed up, Salre, then I'll have you pay.
He opened the door.
“Come in.”
Just as he said it, something rushed through the door.

“Wait, get back inside! You pesky little...! Boss!”
Tsaer rushed through the gates, Fabian grabbed his collar.

“Tsaer, why is that one free?”
His voice had something threatening in it's calm sweetness.

“I... I broke one of the containers.”
The Salre was sweating.

“You... GET HIM BACK!”
The Mage almost exploded.

He made his way extremely fast.

“Sorry, you two, I have to do something 'bout this tiny problem. Another time. It starts just like last time.”
The word 'tiny' was emphasized.

“What happened?”

“My last tower was just perfect for barricading myself inside and getting lost in my research.”
He sighed. But it changed the topic.

“What happened, ze?”

“Some enthusiastic 'heroes'”
It sounded like an insult.
“thought I was the evil one and attacked me. I let them have the glory and disappeared after some good old quarrel.
What's more, they died after some real evil threat appeared. Fate's sarcastic and cynic, just like me.”

“Are you really that cynic?”

“Without a doubt. If there'd be a price for cynicism, I'd get it. There are several people that say the same thing.”
He nodded as if to strengthen what he just said.

“I think I will go now.”
Alice smiled at him.
“Goodbye, Fabian. Marisa, I fear we'll meet again today.”

Marisa jumped up.
“I'll go with you. Bye.”
She waved.

“Bye you two.”
They are strange when seen together.

Toyosatomimi no Miko was in the Human Village. It was a rather small village, and there was no way for it to compete with the towns she had seen before, when she was still emperor.
Her whole existence had faded away into fantasy, but the fact that she was female was the first one. Currently she drank tea with Seiga.
“So, why did you invite me here, Miko?”

“What do you think about Gensokyo?”
Her question was simple.

“It's a fine place. And the Humans here are friendly and hardworking.”

“Yes. What do you think about the Youkai?”

“They lost their edge. It's far less threatening than before. Why did you bring...”

“ here to discuss that? I wanted to talk just with you, Seiga. It's thanks to you that I'm here.”

“I only spread Taoism. It was your decision.”

“That's the only way of making decisions.”
The male voice made them look up. A man with green eyes and a green coat stood before them, carrying various good.

“Who would you be?”
Miko frowned. She could sense only four desires from him.

“Torek the Salre, familiar of Fabian Drotarin.”

“Drotarin. The Human from the other day. Why would you get into our discussion?”

“Maybe I spent too much time with my Boss. He always gets into those conversations, where single persons decide the fate of millions.”

“I see. Your Master is a capable warrior.”
Miko changed the topic.

“That's an understatement. He is one of the best over all worlds.”

“What do you have with those worlds?”
Seiga seemed more interested than usual.

“They're in a huge peril. For most time, traveling between worlds, or rather realities, was a very rare ability. But now every idiot can do that, as he always says.
Quite a problem for the oh so valuable balance.”

“And you share this information with us? You ally with the Buddhists.”

“He considers them friends and to warn you: If something happened to them, and he would get even the slightest hint you were involved, then he'd kill you.”
The Salre shrugged uncomfortably.

“I see. Let me say the following: if they don't start anything, we won't do that either. The harmony is to be valued.”

“He has a similar way of thinking. Oh, something else. There will be more people like Goares to come here. And they won't show any decency. Why did you aid him?”

“His desires showed me he was against the temple.”
She frowned. Something had been off, but she didn't pay attention.

“If what I know is correct, then you read them. Let me tell you something about him. He is a fanatic of his hatred for my Boss,
so his desires will always show burning hatred towards anyone that aids my Boss.”

“That would be a explanation. Fanatics don't mind who it is they go against, as long as their aim is fulfilled.”
The Taoist stood up.
“Why does he hate Fabian-san?”

“Long story. To get short, they competed for something, the Boss won and Goares showed how bad of a loser he is.”

“I feel ashamed to ally with someone like him.”

“Is your dislike for the Buddhists very different?”
Miko thought about that comment.
“I mean, from what Byakuren-san said, she didn't even intend to seal you off.”

“If that is true, then I reacted over. But I'm far from convinced.”

“I can't help you with that, but tell you that the Boss is good at things like that. He did prevent wars.”

Seiga looked up.
“But, why is he so feared? Cra-ales-san told us your Master did terrible things.”

“Ask himself.”
He raised his head.
“I have to get going. I guess we'll meet again.”
Torek walked away.

“Fabian Drotarin... I wonder which role he will play in the coming events.”
Seiga stood up and began to walk away, Miko beside her.

“I know already that his role will be great. Whether on a good or a bad side, I cannot tell.”
She thought about his words from before.
'What is good or bad? We define those words for ourselves, so good for one can be bad for
 someone else.'
That is right.

The Shikaisen doubted that he would stay undercover. He even occupied her thoughts after meeting just once. Hers and others.

Shou was at the temple, taking a break. The followers were becoming more and more.
I would have never imagined this to be possible.
She had lived in a time where Youkai were considered evil without a second question. Byakuren was the first person to be actually friendly,
helping the Youkai to trust Bishamonten. Shou made her job with that, becoming the god's disciple and proving how helpful it was to have faith.

“What are you thinking about?”
Ichirin stood beside her.

“How much changed.”

“Wow. Deep thoughts. Unzan was right.”

“Unzan? Ichirin, what do you want?”

“I searched for Mamizou. Do you know where she is?”
The nun looked around.

“No. What do you want from her?”

“Just a little question. But I wonder when Unzan will return.”

Shou frowned. Ichirin and Unzan almost never separated.
“Where is he?”

“Unzan looks around to see where Fabian-san is.”

“Why do you care? He is away, and that's good.”

“You're so negative. Even Unzan talks with him.”

Shou was shocked
“Now that's extraordinary.”

“They talked everyday.”
Unzan never talked with anyone but Ichirin. She had been pretty much his only friend until Byakuren was friendly with them.
“It's strange, but good. He's livelier now.”

“I wonder why. That Mage is not good.”

“You say that just because he got Nee-san in danger. He already said it was just to save his friends.”
Ichirin gave her friend a stern look.

Shou sighed.
“Maybe you're right. But I won't lose that resentment from one moment to another.”

“At least something.”
The nun walked away.

“Not really.”
Shou walked to her room, when she noticed that her pagoda was gone again.

“So, did you get everything on my list?”
Fabian looked at Torek, who just laid out the things he bought in the village. It was later he same day and the unspeakable danger from before had been taken care of.

“More or less. No none Japanese stuff, though. But I met those Taoists, two of them.”


“We talked about Goares and the temple.”

He moved his hands. Torek knew what would happen and looked away. After a small light, a girl with short flaming red hair stood in the kitchen.
She wore an white apron over a light pink dress and had a small dagger on a bracelet at her right arm. Her eyes had the color and consistence of malachite. 

“Hi Fabian, hi Torek.”
She looked around.
“This is a great kitchen. Thanks, Dear.”

“Larina, you should stop calling me that.”
The Mage had an amused smile on his face.
“I'll count on you.”

“But I fell for you!”
She pouted when he walked away.

“Unrequited love, sis.”
She also was a Salre, so he called her that. Tsaer on the other hand flirted as often as possible.
“If he ever feels the same, it will be a wonder. He doesn't change his mind that fast, if he does.”

“Let me do what I want, Torek.”

“Don't get mad. I only want to protect you.”

“Not needed.”
She turned her back to him and began to look through the things he shopped.

Torek walked into the living room, where Fabian sat on the couch, absorbed into a book.
“Boss, if Larina resembles you in one thing, then it's your way of ending conversations.”

“Mhm. That and her excellent cooking are the reasons she's here.”

“Not the crush on you? Come on, you just love it when girls are around you, especially the ones that fell for you.”

“I won't deny that.”

“Tsaer and I already made bets how many girls will fall for you here, in the next 4 months.”

“What do you think, and what's the bet 'bout?”

“About some of our duties for the next years, but I won't tell you who bets how high.”
He sat down as well.

“Don't you have something to do? Like sweeping my future library, making some symbols, or something akin?”

“I get it.”
Torek stood up. This mood of the Mage was fearsome. Boredom. Earlier,he could easily kill the next person nearby. A price of his journeys to be moody at times.
Best thing had been to avoid him. Although he got in better on a emotional level, it was still best to be cautious.
“I'll just look around and see what I can do.”

Far away from Gensokyo, in a different world, were three people standing at the edge of a cliff. The sea beneath them was almost black under the eternal night sky.
“So, when?”
The man hissed with his split tongue.

The two woman looked at him.
“Soon enough.”
The first of them had her arms bare – scales were visible on them.

The second woman shook her head. She had five eyes.
“Too fast and we will lose it. We need your husband's help, cousin, and all your brothers, nephew.”

“Why? They will take all for themselves again. When will you learn from your mistakes, aunt?”
He began to walk away.
“Without them, or without me. Make your choice and contact me if you choose me. Otherwise, let him kill you like he killed uncle.”

“His impatience will kill him, while your patience will kill you. What shall we do?”
The addressed woman with the scales watched over the sea. She felt a single tear roll down her face.
“I loved him. But that brat killed him. I want his blood.”

“You can't let those feelings fool you. The Mage had similar reason to you now, so I wonder if you can really hate him, instead of yourself.”

“I wonder as well, cousin.”
She continued after a short pause.
“ Let me rest, I'll try to convince him. Yet, I hope we will meet the Cursed Eyes of Humanity.”

“I hope the exact opposite.”
She whispered and sat down, while her beloved cousin stumbled away.

“I wonder how this story will play out.”
Fabian sat on the balcony of his new tower, at night. It was far later than before. He had a glass of wine in his hand. The balcony rested between two giant spikes.
“How many will lose their lives for the arrogance of their lords? An intriguing question, don't you think?”
The faint blue shadow he talked to was barely more than a silhouette. A man's silhouette, whose eyes were not visible.

He laughed.
“Indeed. It's wonderful to see it repeat itself over and over again. I lived for billions of years, and I've been dead for just as long,
but my attachments won't get loose. I've seen the true beginnings of Magic, those 'secrets' you found again. Even my son didn't get that. You can outshine us all. Grandson.”
It was the first Drotarin, his spirit. A soul that felt two particular attachments and wouldn't lose his will. After myriads of years. His believes were more than outdated, but learning stood out of question.
“But you should learn your lesson about true power.”

“Not that again. You aren't exactly a competent teacher, even I could do a better job. I'm just happy that you can't drink away my wine.”

“Too bad for me. The wine came up after I died, but I suppose it's a good invention.”

“Man, it's too high for even me to understand the passage of reality completely.”

“The basic idea. Did you understand it?”

“Mhm. Any thought can create a new world, for which the one thinking it is practically a god. But they can't cross into those worlds,
no matter what. Many worlds have the same roots, so they share their history. The difference can be minor, only a single person or detail.
So, there are no differences in the greater history. At the same time, they can be extremely different, even in their most basic rules.
That's how every author is right in a way, since their worlds are created. Satisfied?”
He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. Perfect score. What will you do?”

The Mage smiled.

“Whenever you give me that answer, I can't get anything outta ya.”
The spirit disappeared.

“Looks like he learns something in the end.”
He shrugged and drank his wine.

Would you mind giving me your opinion? I've put a lot of thought into some of the passages and my characters feel much more alive now than before.
Well, next up is some looking around Gensokyo.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2012, 05:46:42 pm »
Next Chapter. Not much to say.

Chapter 15:

Fabian was looking around Gensokyo. So far, he examined the Bamboo Forest of the Lost from afar, saw the Misty Lake, and now reached the Youkai Mountain.
There're some powers. Sanae's somewhere on the peak, but that Tengu is also among them. But those gods are more notable. Since when are Shinto gods so close by in person?
He shook his head with a smile.
What a promising place.
But there was one energy that didn't belong to them.
“Man, that started a bit too early.”
A yellow beam of energy emerged from the peak and made all the clouds dissolve.
“Not bad.”
The Mage grinned and flew towards it, using a few short ranged teleports.
He avoided the Tengu with invisibility spells.

At the peak, two men were fighting Sanae and two gods. He had sensed the signature of one of them in the fight with Sanae and the others.
The first goddess wore a red shirt with white sleeves and a round mirror over her chest. Her skirt was black with flower-prints at the bottom.
The short blue hair was decorated with red flowers in the same color as her eyes. She had a large ring of Shimenawa on her back.
The other one was small and had a purple dress with frogs printed on it and white sleeves. Her hat was light-brown, big, wide-brimmed and... had eyes. Big round eyes.
The two men wore exactly the same clothing, robes in green and yellow, one had a long sword, the other one a staff, which Fabian recognized as a Mage's staff.
“You don't stand a chance against us. Give up and let us take all your power.”

“Young man, you shouldn't threaten gods.”

“Not the first time they do that.”
Fabian landed between them.

Sanae happily exclaimed.

“Mage of Reality. I suppose you are here to aid us?”
One of the two invaders spoke up with a painfully respectful tone.

“Nope. I only hunt gods that are evil.”
The reply came immediately, making both frown.

“All gods are evil. They try to rule over us. That is...”
He breathed in deeply. The word he would say now would force Fabian to kill him, because it broke the rules those two – and he once as well – followed.

“You idiots.”
He stopped him.
“You see the world in just good and just bad. That's a hunch too easy for me.”

“So, that's the young man you talked about, Sanae.”
The taller woman observed them.

“Yes, Kanako-sama. That's him.”
The Priestess smiled.

“Mage of Reality, if you don't side with us, then you are against us.”
The one with the sword attacked him, just to be kicked in the stomach. The other one used a wave of energy, but Fabian turned his palm and the attack stopped. After a few seconds, it flew back.

The second one fell down.

“I didn't intend to seriously interfere with your fight, but you attacked me.”

“Just... die already. And stay dead for all eternity.”

Fabian laughed.
“Proving that to be possible for me will be quite hard.”
His bitterness was visible, but he made no afford to hide it.

“Your experiences don't matter.”

“Are you sure, Follower of Aritnamas? I've seen even the greatest of you die, all you need is the right way.”

“Shut up!”
Three others came up behind the two. Novices. They didn't know half as much as the first two.
“You are in no position to lie.”

“Don't you know who I am?”

“Someone foolish enough to assume I'd let him go.”

“For you guys, I'm The Traveler of inner Wishes.”

They were stunned.
“The one that sealed The Last Tyrant?”
The men backed away.
“We have no chance. He is too powerful.”

“I wonder. Why do they fear him?”
Kanako didn't move.

Fabian turned around.
“I killed someone who was said to be immortal. Plus, I beat down a tyrannic reign. Leaves some impression.”
He walked towards them.
“Fabian Drotarin.”

“Kanako Yasaka, Goddess of the Mountain.”
She smiled.

The smaller goddess introduced herself.
“Suwako Moriya.”

Sanae looked at the five men. They were arguing heavily.
“What's with them?”

“They will disappear in a few seconds.”
When he ended, the ground beneath them turned black and countless hands took them down into it. After the blackness vanished, nothing even hinted that they had been there.

“Impressive. Why did you come here?”

“I'm looking around. Then I sensed those guys and was interested.”
He looked at the building. It was a rather big shrine, decorated with a giant shimenawa.

“I see.”
Sanae had a friendly smile.
“You helped us.”

“Don't you think you would have beaten them?”

“Well, help is appreciated anyway.”
She didn't let it count.

“He would be a good catch, Sanae. Get him, before someone else does.”
Suwako grinned widely.

“Suwako-sama... You're right!”

Fabian stared in shock.
“Is that normal?”

He turned to Kanako, who slowly shook her head.
“No, but it means that Suwako likes you.”

“That was fast. In that time, I usually only manage to anger people. I have a unique talent with that.”

“I see.”
She folded her arms.
“Maybe you want to stay for some time? I want to thank you for helping us.”

“Why not?”
He looked around for the first time.
“Quite a nice place.”

“We took most of our surroundings with us, when we moved here. The lake, for instance.”
The bragging seemed inappropriate, but he didn't let it bother him.

“You moved a whole lake?”

“What's so special?”
The Drotarin spirit appeared.
“I moved whole lands when I was alive.”
Fabian shot a small flash through him, and the spirit lost his consistence.
“I hate when you do that.”
He blubbered those words, a little faint blue puddle on the ground.

“I could do that aaaaall day long.”
The Mage laughed.

“Please, don't do that.”
He flooded away.

“I love doing this.”

“You have some humor.”

“Well, he is terribly annoying. Don't you feel the urge to get it back on annoyances every now and then?”

Kanako looked at Suwako.

The other goddess paid no attention to it and smiled at Fabian.
“What do you think about Gensokyo? We aren't here for so long, you know?”

Since I have no interest in deep thoughts now...
“I like it around here. But, one thing bugs me.”


“Why are there so many cute girls? Come on, that's over average.”

“You are something.”
Kanako looked at him.

“How so? I know a bunch of guys that would say the same.”

She laughed.
“I think you will fit with Gensokyo. Irrational, unbelievable and powerful.”

“Now I'm flattered. Normally, people need much longer to understand that.”

“Do you have even any common sense?”
Sanae had a irritating look on her face.

“I don't use it.”

“I see. Gensokyo doesn't have any common sense, so be careful.”
She stared into his face with a serious expression.

Somehow cute.

“I'll show you around.”
She hooked his arm in between her arm and chest.


Tsaer did not try to hit on girls, like he usually did. The reasons were a warning from Torek and a threat from his Boss, the only person he respected.
Another reason was that woman. Wearing a blue dress with a building-like hat and a red ribbon, with silver-blue hair and brown eyes, she told him to not cause any trouble.
Although he was practically trouble in person, it hit him deep that she got that so fast.
He sat down on a bench at a tea shop.
“Green tea, please.”

The young and beautiful woman working there smiled friendly.

This isn't fair on me.
His sigh was almost desperate.

“Why so down?”
That blue woman sat down beside him.

“Why do you ask?”
He drank his tea with a sour smile. She had been following him nonstop.

“Courtesy. I want some tea as well.”

“Yes, Kamishirisawa-sensei.”


“I own the school and teach there.”

The tea tasted good.

“You really are down. I'm Keine Kamishirisawa.”

“Tsaer the Salre, familiar of Fabian Drotarin.”


“The newest inhabitant of Gensokyo.”

“I see. Where is he?”

“Forest of Magic.”

“Why? The village welcomes new people.”

“Something about dangerous experiments. It's insane to sleep close by them, unless you're pretty much immortal.”

“Immortal? Is your Master immortal?”

“Ask him, not me. But even if you find his tower, he's away, looking around Gensokyo.”
The conversation went far longer than anything he wanted.

“You won't answer?“

“I can't. The Boss protects his secrets. Even if I could, you ruined my fun, so why should I tell you?”

“To build up trust.”

“Not my work anyway. Leave me alone.”
He got close to a new level of annoyance. New for him.

“You are so negative.”

I'll ask the Boss to let me do jobs outside.
“I'll go.”
He laid down some money and walked out of the village. She followed him for a while.
“What is it?”

“I'm worried.”

“About what?”

“You. That's why I warned you.”
They entered the forest.

“Are you up for a fight?”
Tsaer stopped.

“I'm not. I only want peace for the village. But something about you makes me feel awkward.”

“Thanks. But I'm up for a fight.”
He drew his sword and flew up.

“So unreasonable.”
She also lifted into the air.
The Salre attacked with spreading bullets in his color. She dodged without trouble, countering by using familiars that attacked with straight flying bullets. His pattern changed to faster aiming attacks.
“Why do you want to fight?”

“Do I need a reason?”
He held up a card.

[Fire-Magic “Burning Woods”]

Flaming bullets emitted from him in every direction, then began moving counter-clockwise. After spinning around him, they exploded into several smaller ones, which moved clockwise.
“Impressive. You have powers.”

“Familars have a similar concept to Shikigami.”
Fabian suddenly sat on a tree.
“He can only copy my own powers, but significantly weaker.”

“You won't stop this fight, I see. I assume, Fabian Drotarin?”

“Mhm on your second question, but nope on the first. He needs to let off some steam.”

“Thanks, Boss.”

“And you accepted.”
His grin made her frown. Her reaction was a Spellcard.

[Origin Sign  “Ephemerality 137”]

She sent out big white bullets to the side. They dissipated into red bullets, which vaguely aimed at Tsaer.
She did the same to the other side, this time it were blue bullets. They dodged each others attack without visible trouble.
“Hey, there won't be any result like that.”
Fabian got bored.

Tsaer ended his card.
“Okay, something else I guess.”

[Light-Magic “Destructive Red Light”]

Several small red beams shot into every direction. They stopped at some point and moved into a different direction. At the point where they stopped, small white bullets remained.
“Another powerful card. Fabian-san, I suspect your powers to be even greater.”

“This is nothing but a copy.”
He shrugged.

“Boss, not helpful!”
Tsaer gritted his teeth and sent out even more beams, with increased speed.

“I see. Your familiar is easy to provoke.”

[ Ambition Sign “Yoshimitsu Crisis”]

Small familiars appeared around her, three on either side and four in front of her. While they moved in circles, they shot out small bullets.
After those moved a bit, they turned into blue kunais. Their pattern was changing fast.

“Those familiars are Japanese styled. Not bad, but no comparison to western style.”
The Mage grinned widely.
“Those two are equally matched, but Tsaer is the weakest of my familiars.”

His monologue got interrupted by Alice coming closer.
“Who is that guy? Why is he fighting Keine?”

“Tsaer is my familiar. No clue 'bout their reason for fighting, but I got bored, so it's alright.”

She sat down beside him.
“Well, you don't need reason for a Spellcard duel.”

“I like this laid back attitude.”

“Good for you.”

The two still dodged, but now some moves were a lot more narrow.
“Will you give up?”
The Salre smiled coldly.

Keine fixed her eyes on him.

“Who is she?”
The Mage asked Alice.

“Keine Kamishirisawa. The owner of the school in the Human Village, as well as the history teacher. And a Were-Hakutaku.”

He looked over Keine while she still dodged.

Alice continued.
“She is actually a nice person, but worries quite much. It's not really against you, just against what she sees in you.”

That's quite a difference.
“This gets boring. Want to see my tower from the inside now?”
Fabian looked at Alice.

They took off.

“Hey! Boss!”
But he was already away.

It came a bit later than I wanted, had a virus on my Computer. Luckily, I got it without damaging anything.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2012, 12:05:02 am »
This. Chapter. Was. A . PAIN.
I redid it about four times.

Anyway, enjoy.

Chapter 16:

A note was attached to the door.
“I wonder. murder threat, late thanks or warning?”

“Is that normal?”
Alice watched him as he took and read it.

“Mhm, more or less. Not they, of all people.”
He suddenly exclaimed.

“Something serious?”

“To what worlds are direct connections again?”

“The Netherworld, Makai, a former hell and the Sanzu river.”

He nodded with a sour smile.
“Well, come in.”
He led through the tower and showed her around. They then entered a living room with dark red furniture.
“I have the most different rooms in here.”
Larina came in and looked at him questioning.
“Don't feel like tea or wine right now. You?”
He looked at Alice.

“Nothing in particular.”


Larina walked away.

“Who is she?”

“Larina the Salre. Another familiar, and my cook.”

“So, can I ask you something?”


“Who taught you about Magic?”

“A Magician.”

She raised her eyebrows.
“A strong one?”

“Absolutely. I have to overshadow her soon.”

“Is that your aim?”

“One aim. I have a number of them, so it doesn't get boring.”

“Why that?”

“Well, living a normal life isn't possible, so I make my live as entertaining as possible.”

“How positive. How long will you live?”

Not really positive. If you knew.
“Hm? What's with that?”

“You have so much power, I suppose you would be able to lengthen your life.”
She was as smart as he had hoped.

“Okay, I'll tell you because I kinda like you. Don't spread it around. I'm a Craeiran.”

She looked at him shocked.
“The immortal beings of Magic. You are one of them?”

“Unrestricted, aligned to nothing against their will. A pretty rare kind of Humans. But not immortal, just hard to kill.”

“So you still are a Human? I don't know much about your kind.”
She treated it more casual than expected, now that the surprise subsided.

“I'd categorize myself as one. Craeirans are Humans who exchanged a part of their being for power. A kind of mutation, the way it's done.”

“That was sudden. You made no effort of hiding.”

“I like it here. Don't want to pollute that. Also, I think if any place will accept me, then it's Gensokyo. Plus, I should stop hiding all those things.”
Though I already regret telling you.

“What did you mean with 'aligned to nothing against their will'.”
Her eyes shone with interest.

“We transcended the state where we can be forced by higher powers. We have immunity against any kind of influencing Magic or… other things. It's convenient to reach that state of mind.”

“What do you call it?”

“There's a number of names. I prefer invincible mind. It's the least pompous name.”

She nodded.
“Good. Then, what is your alignment? I heard people like you, who engage in the affairs of different worlds, choose one.”

“You kept that in mind from yesterday. I keep the balance without being part of anything. Don't wanna be part of something. Makes things easier, to act alone and freely.”

“That sounds lonely.”

He ignored the question in her clear eyes.
“And you? I told others pretty much 'bout me in the last days. What can you tell me 'bout yourself?”

“I'm a Magician and puppeteer, as you already know. Although I was originally human, I turned into a Youkai due to living in Makai since being an infant. Shinki raised me like a daughter, but I went away on my own. It could interest you, that my body only began noticeably developing after I left Makai. Do you have an explanation?”

“Show me the famous miasma of Makai and I have. Why did you leave?”

Alice frowned.
“I'm not too sure... Probably after meeting Reimu and Marisa. They went into Makai to stop the tourism.”

“Tourism? Seriously?”

“Mother can be quite...”

Since she didn't continue, he sighed.
“... a klutz? The old man called her that once.”
Her gaze was quite threatening for a second.
“Hehehe. You care for her, huh?”

“Yes. I'm alive thanks to her, it's only natural. Anyway, I was impressed by Reimu, Marisa and two others beating mother, a goddess.”

“Beating gods isn't as hard as everyone thinks. The fear of what they are is the greatest weapon they have, and those two sure don't fear people for what they are.”

“True. Reimu is too apathetic to fear someone she considers a nuisance and Marisa is too ignorant.”

“You're harsh.”

“And you're very honest.”

“But I'm already holding back.”
He furrowed his brows.

“How far?”

I'm not saying anything 'bout how beautiful you are.”

She chuckled.
“I revise my opinion. You're honest, charming and a flatterer.”

Fabian gave her a shrewd smile.
“And you're good at observing others.”

Larina came in with the drinks.
“Sorry for the delay, Torek tried to cook again.”

“I'll prepare a room just for his 'cooking', so forgive him.”

“Torek is?”

“My strongest Salre. But a bad cook. Terrible. Lethal.”

“Aren't you exaggerating?”

“One of the things he made moved afterward. And it was purely out of cabbage.”
He shuddered.
“Up to now, I never ate one of his meals. And I hate cabbage.”

Alice drank her lemonade.
“I see. Orange?”
She meant the drink.

“Mhm. Say, what exactly do you think 'bout Marisa?”

“Well, she's chaotic, eccentric, slightly crazy and has a hand for blowing things up. But she's one of my best friends.”
She thought about that for a while.
“Be honest. What does that make me?”

“Crazy and suicidal? Just an idea.”

“Quite fitting. Why did you ask?”
“You acted rather close.”

“Then, what is your impression of her?”

“Aside from what you just said? Tenacious and weird.”

“I agree.”
Another chuckle.
“Add it to what I just said.”


Tsaer was, in the meantime, still fighting. It dragged to an end with his best move.

[Soulless Magic “Art of Taking”]

He created four red bullets on every side. They didn't move around, but faint shadowy lines went from them to Keine.
“Do you intend to use lasers?”

She saw through it already. But she can't get away.
Keine took care not too get to close while moving to the widest spot without. When she was right before him, the lasers appeared along them, completely sealing off her movement.
“Too bad. In the center is a bad position.”
He smiled when he sent out giant red bullets right at her. A direct hit. The trick behind this spell was that the biggest spots were actually traps.

“I think this is enough.”
She got onto the ground.

“Sore loser? Man, this feels good.”
Tsaer walked away without another word, not noticing that she followed him.

“You once-in-a-lifetime-idiot.”
Fabian greeted Tsaer at the gate with an cold gaze from his burning eyes. A disturbing sight.


“It would take too long to count. But the recent proofs are: first, you let that one get out, second you let someone follow you.”
The Mage looked into the woods.
“I know you're there.”
Keine came closer.
“What do you want?”

“I'm worried. Why would you settle down here?”

“Marisa and Alice aren't an issue it seems. Well, I don't want to bother with people that get into dangerous situations because of me.”
He looked into the direction Alice just went into.



She sighed.
“If you do anything to the village, you will have to deal with me.”

“Pah. I've beaten you.”
Tsaer smiled.

“She isn't even on the peak of her power, and you brag 'bout that? Pathetic, Tsaer.”

“How do you know?”
The teacher stood still.

“I see more than you think. Let's see how though you are at the night of the full moon. Threatening me is useless anyway, I like it here.”

“You won't hurt the...”

“Leave me alone! If I wanted to harm someone, I'd be more subtle 'bout how I do it.”
He looked straight at her face, his eyes flickering.
When was the last time I interrupted someone?

“Your eyes are hard to read.”

“Thank you.”
He smiled and she turned around. After closing his tower's gates, he grabbed Tsaer's collar and threw him into the wall.
“You really are an idiot.”
The Mage was casually walking away.

“How unfair.”
Tsaer growled and walked into the giant kitchen. The whole tower was far bigger than it could be seen from the outside.
“Hey, Larina. Why's the Boss so angry?”

“A letter and you. Did he throw you into the wall, finally? It was time again.”

“Come on. Don't you like me?”


Fabian sat in his room and thought, then walked into the library. The bookshelves reached higher than visible, and were just as wide.
Good thing my tower only loosely follows the rules of space.
The inside was hundredths of times bigger than the outside. The space was needed. Collections of books, weapons, armors, artifacts and many more things had to be stored. Most he had from his foster-father, others from his travels.
He grabbed one of the books on the lower shelves and sat down in a comfortable chair. Distraction was the key in this situation.
“Let's see. What did that mad person write 'bout Revival-Magic?”

The palace was made of obsidian. It shone in the pale light of the green moon, which was weaker than the light known to the worlds that came later. The woman with the five eyes stood on the balcony of the highest tower. The palace was a heptagon, arranged to be highest in the south and lowest in the north, following the family precepts. One tower for every head of their race. But the seventh tower was empty. It had been for the past four years, since The Cursed Eyes of Humanity killed the most powerful and oldest member of their kin.
“But why?”
She lamented over this question since she first heard it happened.
“Why, my disciple? Why kill one of your teachers, the one you even called 'Master'? I wish I could ask you before our confrontation. I wish I asked you when I had the chance.”
One of her eyes shot towards the stairs that lead down.

Her nephew stood there.
“I didn't know you thought that way. You don't want to fight Fabian after all. So why do it?”

“Blood is thicker than water. A common human saying, but it works with how things go.”

“Make up your mind. Do it fast, as fast as you can. No, better even faster. You should be clear about your side.”

“Your father said something similar, and Fabian as well. It's hard to hate someone who reminds you of a dear person. You can't tell me you think a different way. We resemble each other too much for you to pretend that.”

“I made up my mind, that's the difference.”
He turned around.
“Father was strict.”
Those words were mumbled almost too weakly for her to hear.

“But he was a good father. After all, you're just like him.”

The young man stopped in his tracks.
“How old are you in human years?”

“About 30000, roughly. Why do you ask?”

“Because Fabian once said something. The older they are, the more ignorance they develop.”

“People like my cousins support that claim.”

“But you don't? I'm so much younger, I can't help but share that view.”

“Your age in human years would be 21, right?”

He looked away.
“Get ready for our fight.”

“So you will participate?”

His eyes reflected the moonlight when he stared at her.
“Have to.”

This develops into a different direction than I originally planned, but it's actually better that way.
Then again, the original idea had the protagonist being a ancient being that's totally ruthless and cold-hearted about their aims, while trying to scare off the girls.

It changed quite a bit.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #18 on: September 30, 2012, 08:22:46 pm »
Here we go again! Took me pretty long, but lack of ideas + pressure by school = takes long. Sorry for the delay.

Chapter 17:

Four days later, Fabian visited the Hakurei Shrine. It wasn't hard to find for him, as the shrine emitted a strange spiritual energy.
I had been warned, but this is really as unique as it gets.
When he stepped onto the shrine ground, a wave of emotions washed over him, causing him to stop.
Why... Ah.

“I didn't know gods like you still reside in shrines.”

“Okay, that's right. This is Gensokyo. So, anything interesting?”

“That's awfully cold. Is she really...”
“Sure. If you say so.”
His voice was hesitant.
“At least this isn't the worst place to... Well, live.”
“Mh? I sensed you as soon as I got closer.”

“Now, I've been surprised, you've been surprised, so let's continue our respective day.”

He nodded and walked over to the main building. In front of it stood a donation box. It was empty.
“Guess this discussion can be considered a prayer, under these circumstances.”
Fabian then dropped a few coins inside, not knowing what that would result in. He then walked around the building, towards Reimu at the back.
There she was, sitting on the shrine's veranda, drinking tea and staring up at the sky.

“Hello, Fabian-san.”
She looked at him, then resumed staring up. After a while in which he examined the pond, she spoke up again.
“What brings you here?”

“Curiosity, mainly. This shrine is special.”

“What do you mean? Aside from the border thing, I mean.”

“My old man helped find the location best suited, back then.”

She looked at him again.
“Your father helped with the Hakurei Border?”

“A bit.”
Fabian sat down beside Reimu, meeting her gaze.
“But that's exactly why it's so special.”

“How do you mean that?”

He noticed that she had something else in her eyes, something complacent, as if a part of her considered it too much trouble to ask.
“The old man was so selfish, I'd need a new word to describe it. And he was 'bout as arrogant.
Having him 'help' means he wanted something, or thought it would benefit him.”

“Are you sure? Didn't he seal away a demon?”

“Countless, but only to study them as specimen. Even if he gave compliments, he only did that to stand in a favorable light.”

“Sounds like he was a bad parent, ze.”

Fabian and Reimu looked up to see Marisa's head hanging down from the rooftop.

“Hello, Marisa. Eavesdropping is bad manners.”
After this halfhearted chide, Reimu took a sip from her tea. It sounded so monotone, she must have had said it more than once already.

“Where does she have that from? Anyway, Fabian-kun, what do you suspect to be your father's reasons?”
Mima appeared behind him.

“I have a good guess.”
The shrine maiden mumbled into her tea.

“I guess he either sealed an artifact here, or wanted to have a easily accessible point for the kind of things I'm actually afraid of.”

“Describe him in one word.”
Mima took over the conversation.

“Jerk. Followed up by evil, selfish – I already mentioned that and arrogant  – chaotic, dangerous and highly intelligent.”
He earned giggles from two girls for that and a uninterpretable look from the third.

Reimu kept that look while getting back to the original part.
“What and where would your father hide here?”

“A tome, a weapon or a symbol, maybe? I can't tell, but it bugs me.”

“Search all you want, as long as you don't look into private things.”

He looked almost shocked, but couldn't  help it.
“I'm not used to cooperation. Especially not before asking.”

“Could I stop you?”

He laughed.
“Not really. I made it a rule to always get what I want. Well, don't worry 'bout that. I'll just run analytic spells. Isn't urgent though. So, do you get many donations out here?”

It was a change, what happened then. Reimu suddenly drooped her shoulders and hung her head.

“Next to nothing.”
Mima didn't hold back.

“Then, my donation should...?”
He could only stare when she jumped up and ran to the front.
“Hey, is this really so... Dunno.”

“It is.”
The spirit smiled brightly behind his back, he felt it.

“Someone made a donation, wow, ze.”
Marisa seemed also strangely fascinated to him.
“I didn't think that'd ever happen, ze.”

“I have no clue why you girls are so shocked.”

“Let them be.”
Mima began massaging his shoulders, for no visible reason. He just enjoyed it.
“Your father sounds fascinating.”

“He isn't. Argument, over argument, that describes him and me. Oh, it's foster-father.”

“Lend me a book, ze.”
Marisa jumped down from the roof and sat down beside him.


“Come on, ze.”


“Come on, ze.”

It could have continued like that, but Reimu came back with more tea and additional cups.
“Thank you, Fabian.”

“Suddenly acting like that... I pity you if a small donation has that kinda effect.”
Fabian smiled while Reimu poured some tea into a cup and gave it to him.

“It's really kinda sad, ze. Lend me a book, Fabian.”
Marisa took another cup.


“Fabian-kun... Wait, I will call you Fabi-kun from now on. Do you have an aim? Something you strive for?”
Mima also took one.

“Why do you ask?”

“It's interesting.”

There was something more to it than that. But he didn't inquire on it.
“Do you know what a Craeiran is?”

“Yes, I was killed by one.”


“Yes, but I don't know her name. Are you one?”

“Mhm. If you know enough, that'll help you figure it out.”

“I see. Yes, I understand.”

“Tell me, ze.”


“Then a book, please ze.”

“Will you keep pestering me until I give in?”

“She will.”
Reimu and Mima both replied.

“Then here.”
He reached into his coat and presented her a small but thick book with a red cover. After she took it, Fabian took out a notebook and pencil.
“I'll take it back in a month. If anything happens to it, you have to pay me this.”

Marisa read the note.
“You meant that, ze.”

“I did.”

“I've never seen someone being so resolute about this. You deserve respect.”
Mima finally stopped massaging him and sat down – as far as possible without legs – beside Marisa.

In that moment, a red ball came out of nowhere and knocked Fabian down.
The ball began purring. And it wasn't a ball, of course. It was a small girl in a red dress with pink sleeves and edges and golden trimming.
Her hair under the green mob cap was brown . What caught most attention were her cat ears and the two tails.

“Chen. That's... Yukari, I know you're there.”
Fabian noticed Reimu's stare and began patting Chen's head.
“Are you really surprised?”

She took a deep breath.
“No, the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. You have something similar to Yukari.”

A new voice.
“My, my. I'm similar to one of the most outstanding humans ever. What a compliment.”
Out of a gap with ribbons at it's ends and numerous eyes inside, a elegant woman looked at them.
Her eyes were purple this time, as was her old-fashioned dress. The long blond hair fell past her shoulders.
The absence of her parasol was strange, but even more ribbons were tied to her hair than usual.
Yukari Yakumo. The Youkai of Boundary. She was a mysterious figure, and there were few who could grasp the extent of her plans, or her mind itself.
“We haven't met since your foster-father died. How have you been?”

“Better than you'd guess.”
Chen curled up in his lap. Her behavior was still very catlike.
“How's Ran?”

“She works as usual.”

“That's what's bothered me, ze.”
Marisa had a new gleam in her eyes.
“You couldn't pull that portal off without Yukari  finding out.”

“I wrote her what I planned.”

“I didn't interfere with his plans.”

“That's the second time you're partly at fault for an incident, Yukari.”
Reimu got back her calm.
“How can a letter reach you?”

“With this fellow.”
The Youkai grinned. A small blue bird flew out of her gap. It was a particularly beautiful one. It's deep blue feathers shone dazzling.

The bird landed on Fabian's shoulder and cuddled against his face.
“He's my pet.”

“It's no ordinary bird, right?”
Reimu stared at it.
“There is something off with him.”

“Mhm, he's a half-god.”
He began patting the bird with his free hand.
“So Ikarus has a few abilities that make him helpful and not just a ideal companion.”
The bird chirped.

“Cool, ze. He's your pet?”

“Didn't I just say that? Did she treat you well, Ikarus?”
Ikarus chirped again.

“He sings so well. It helped me sleep soundly.”

“Ikarus, I told you to keep her awake and torture her in that way. Payback for back then.”
The chirps were quiet.
“I see.”

“You understand him?”
Mima giggled.

“Him and almost every other animal. Absorbing abilities is handy.”

“I imagine.”

Fabian sighed.
“You get somewhat annoying.”

“There is one question that bugs me.”
Reimu gave him a serious look.
“Where are you from?”

“A place that no longer exists. Been destroyed. On my sixth birthday.”

“Crappy birthday, ze.”

“And most that followed were just as bad.”

“What's up with your eyes, ze?”

“Got no clue. You'd think being one of the highest evolved humans alive would help figure out 'bout your own origins.
But nothing I found explained it. Not even ducking through the oldest archives. There ain't no trace 'bout circles of fire as eyes.”

“That's interesting. Would you tell us about those archives?”
Mima showed genuine interest.

“I don't really feel like it, so...”
A yellow cloud appeared before them.
“This day just took a turn for the worse.”

Three figures stepped out of it. They looked extremely alike, with their gender being unrecognizable.
They were clad in green-darkish robes, armed with old looking swords.
The scales that ran over their faces looked almost identical, and even their eyes had the same form and color. Slim, amber and ice-cold.
Their voices were more distinguishable, even while speaking in unison.
“You are supposed to die.”

“Can't you come back later? When I'm already angry, perhaps? Cause, right now you're ruining the mood.”


“Shut up, you bunch of pain in the neck.”
He stood up sighing and walked closer to them, now standing between the three and the shrine. His hand shot forward and a sword appeared in it.
It resembled a blue katana with the tsuba having a sun-like form. The handle was black with light blue diamond ornaments.

The three stepped back.
“Sun-Shredder. So you still use it.”

“'Course. And you're still afraid of it. No wonder.”
He began whirling it around.
“Still up for it?”


“Heeeeeeeee. Mhmhmhmhm. In the end, you're still the same cowards, totally scared by anything that can actually kill you.”

A new female voice echoed.
“Kill him!”

Fabian's eyes widened in surprise.
“Now that's unexpected. You got active, teacher?”

“If the course demands...”
She hesitated.

“But you ain't convinced.”

The three spoke up again.
“Do not insult the lady. For what you did, you deserve death.”

“You know what? I don't care the least bit for what your mother says, as long as she doesn't care for my reasons. I'm just like the late master on that matter.”

They all leaped at him, only to be pushed back by a simple gesture of his hand.

“That!... was predictable. You're so sensitive to that.”
He smiled with a cruel glimmer in his eyes.

A woman appeared. Her hair was green and blue, falling down her back.
The five eyes – one on her forehead, two were where they should be and the other two beyond her ears – had each a different color.
She wore a long black coat with red margins over her black dress. In a way, her clothes resembled what Fabian wore when he first met Reimu, Marisa and the others.
“It has been long, disciple.”

He made a short bow.
“So, you're fighting against me now?”

“Not today. Why don't you tell me your reasons now? It's a good time, as neither my cousin nor my nephew are listening.”

“Sure, that woman would be really angry at me for saying this. I mean, even more than now. Well, my reasons are my late master's reasons.”

All her eyes widened in surprise now, adding to the disturbing feeling of looking at her.
Reimu suddenly stood up and walked to Fabian's side.
“These guys are the ones you talked about at the temple, right?”

Marisa also walked over to him.
“She's kinda creepy, ze. Why'd you be all friendly with her?”

The eyes narrowed again.
“Are you on his side?”

“He donates.”
“He got interesting books, ze.”

“It seems like your ability to befriend others is still intact. Is it strength or weakness?”

“I'll leave that up to you, for yourself at least.”

She smiled.
“I suppose I can withdraw with that as an answer.”
And she disappeared, as well as the three.

Fabian sighed heavily, walked back and had his sword disappear again, while Reimu and Marisa followed him.
“Good thing she was there. I really didn't want to have the great showdown here.”

“Who were they?”

Fabian looked at the still smiling Yukari.
“How much do you know?”

“Who they are, but not their reasons.”

“Hm. The late master was one of the great pillars.”

Yukari furrowed her brows. Rather unlike her.
“That makes no sense. Why is he dead?”

“I killed him. A few years ago.”
He shrugged.
“It was his dying wish for me to do that.”

“Excuse me, but who is that 'late master' of yours?”

“He gotta be totally awesome if you call him that, ze. You're weird when getting all polite.”

“That's how you met me first. Anyway, he was the best strategist ever. Best meaning he won every battle he participated in, save for three.
Two standstills and one loss. That last one was when he died.”

“What's a great pillar? You sure don't mean some standing stone, ze.”

“That's how we call the really old Mages, the first people that ever used Magic to do otherwise unthinkable things.
Most spells created are somehow related to them. Basically, they're the oldest, most obstinate and boring people alive, respectively for their own kind.”
He shrugged.
“Nothing special.”

Reimu laughed.
“Nothing special? The oldest of their kind that used Magic before anybody else, nothing special? Then, what is special to you?”

“I was trained by some of those. Special would be things more... enjoyable.”

Mima floated up.
“You killed your own teacher and they are after your life in retaliation. Bad boy.”

“Like I care. I'll keep those problems to myself as far as I can, so talking won't lead to anything.”
He smirked and began relaxing again, Chen in his lap.

Plot's developing.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #19 on: October 20, 2012, 09:34:59 pm »
More to go! Faster this time, now that I got more ideas again. I used some time of my holidays, and here we go.
Now I have to worry about school starting again next week.

Chapter 18:

Some time later, Fabian and Yukari went to his tower. Halfway, Fabian stopped.
“What's wrong, Fabian?”


“I see.”

“Say, where did Chen run off to?”

“Play. What is this 'something' that's wrong?”

“A magical energy that's just plainly wrong around here. If I just had a map with the leylines... Yukari?”

“I'm afraid we have nothing as fancy as that. There is no need for most magicians or Youkai to know all of them. You could make one.”

“I'll need it.”
He began walking, but towards the Human Village.
“Let's have a look.”

“But of course.”
She giggled.

He sighed in return.

After just a few minutes, he got impatient and teleported, Yukari grabbing his arm to come with him.
The sight was unexpected, even for Yukari. Byakuren was dodging green-white beams of light, which originated from a individual in another blurry light. Miko was watching.
“Isn't that...?”

Fabian sighed again, but it was in this calmness that sent chills down the spine. Even Yukari wouldn't try to annoy him this far, it was suicidal.

The blurry person suddenly got clear. It was a boy, about 14 years old. He wore a modern blue jacket over a white shirt and light blue pants. His eyes were a gentle brown, and his ruffled, spiky hair dark-blue. He wielded a cross-formed lance in a pure white color. The air around him seemed different. Now he attacked Byakuren physically, who stayed on the defensive. But just as he began to swing his lance, Fabian appeared in his line and delivered a kick right into his stomach.
He sank on his knees, but Fabian grabbed him at the throat and threw him upward, snapped his fingers and black chains shot through the air, binding him thoroughly.

The Mage turned to Byakuren.
“I'm sorry for this.”

“You just saved me. Why would you be sorry?”
She already had a gentle smile on her face.

“That's my little brother, the radical saint, Ray Drotarin.”

Miko walked closer. She had neither her shaku nor her sword.
“Your brother is a saint?”

“My family's pretty screwed up, so yeah. So, that's what I'm sorry 'bout.”

“Aniki... Why?”
Ray was helpless and in a daze.

“She's a friend of mine. What did I tell you?”

“Friends are off-limits. Hey, Aniki? Are those your nightmare-chains? That's not funny! Get me outta here. Hey, don't ignore me!”
Fabian turned his back on Ray, whose voice grew more and more desperate.

Yukari snickered while walking closer.
“Why does it always end like this, when you meet?”

“Uh... It's how we greet each other?”

“No it's not! Aniki, get me outta those chains! This ain't funny!”

“So unruly.”
Yukari had the time of her life.

“Why is he so hysteric?”
Miko stood beside Fabian, opposite of Byakuren.

“Maaaaybe because those chains make you see the thing your most afraid of, while making it impossible to endure it. And Ray has a critical phobia against...”
He was interrupted by the agonizing scream from his brother.
“Right, I shouldn't just tell you the embarrassing secrets of my family.”

“Would you please end his ordeal.”
The lack of sarcasm in Byakurens voice showed, that she harbored no ill feelings towards the one who attacked her.

Fabian sighed, waved his hand, and his brother fell down.
“You're too kind for your own good. Guess that's a good thing, though.”
He walked over to Ray, who was still lying on the ground, and kicked him lightly.
“I know that's not enough to knock you out. C'mon, get up.”

“Aniki, you're cruel.”
Ray staggered, but managed to stand up.

“Only for you.”
And there was the Mage's wicked smile, mocking and provoking as Yukari knew it. His peculiar way of dealing with his 'likable fools' was a source of amusement to her.
“What brings you here?”

“The usual. Is there anyone – or anything – here I can attack without making you angry, family-head.”

“You learned to talk back.”
Fabian weighed his head to the right.
“It's that girl, right? I'm telling you, she's a win, and she's totally fallen for you.”

Ray turned red.
“As if I'd care.”

“Oh, you do. And since I'm, as you just said, the family-head, I'll make sure to ask all the embarrassing little questions the old man would have.”

“What did I do to deserve such a brother?”

“Really? Want an answer to that?”


Fabian laughed, hit his brother's back and turned to Yukari.
“He's what didn't belong here.”

“I almost expected that when I saw him.”

“Not her! Wait, so I'm in Gen... What was the name again?”

“Gensokyo, and I'm living here now. Learn the name.”

Miko interrupted at this point.
“You are a saint, yes?”

Ray was confused at that question.
“Well, yeah. I'm the saint of the Drotarin family, and I'm the third in our family.”

“They don't know 'bout that.”
Fabian sighed again.
“You're curious now, right?”


“Alright, everyone of us is adopted. That's clear, yeah. But the old man adopted us in a specific order.”

“You're the first one, then?”
Miko tried to show superiority.

“Nope, I was adopted secondly, after Onee-chan. I'm the successor for one reason.”
He stopped there as if everyone knew already.

“What reason?”
the Taoist inquired.

“I'm stronger than the other three.”
Ray snorted at those words.
“Yeah, yeah. I know, Ray. Anyway, weren't you focused on him, Miko?”

“Indeed. I wanted to request his help here, but it seems you have a superior influence on him.”

“Wow, you're extreme. Asking a Drotarin for help.”
Ray was amazed.

“I don't think she knows just what that means.”
Fabian chuckled.
“How terrifying that is. Since you're here and all, how 'bout you come to my tower and we celebrate meeting again? I mean, it's been seven months. And... tsk, why now?”

A wildly moving black portal appeared. Out of it came three men with swords and seven with staffs. Their behavior was unmistakable.
“Those are Aritnamas' men.”
Ray picked up his lance again, while Fabian's black sword appeared in his hand.

“Yeah, and I already met some blood-thirsty fellows today. I'm served. Let's settle this the good old way.”

“Agreed, Aniki.”
The two walked over to the ten men.

“Okay, we know who you are, you should know who we are. Let's settle this peacefully. Get outta here, and you get outta here without any wounds on body and soul.”

They looked at them in awe.
“The Traveler of inner Wishes and The Radical Saint. Should you not be fighting each other to the death?”

“We're brothers. We brawl, I torture him here and there, but we'd never kill each other. And against scum like you, we make a closed front. So, your answer?”

“We are going to kill you.”

The brothers broke into laughter.
“You guys are priceless!”
“This is so funny!”


“You realize each of us weighs for several who-knows-how-many of you?”
The wicked smile drove them over the edge. They attacked fast and with relatively decent precision. Two of the swordsman and three of the mages attacked Fabian, the other tried their luck with Ray.
The older sibling parried the simultaneous uppercuts with a strike from below, while repelling the very different magic projectiles by sending out stronger ones. Then he made two quick stabs against the enemy on the right, followed up by a rotating slash, which made them withdraw.

Ray used his spear to keep the last swordsman at a distance, then he whirled it through the air and those white and green lasers, winding through the air in unforeseeable patterns.

“That attack is quite tenacious. He is a strong opponent.”
Byakuren still smiled, which made even Yukari wonder how she kept her calm. A member of Drotarin was more than 'a strong opponent', more like a nightmare.

The brothers subdued their enemies in a matter of seconds, without using anything more than their weapons and the previous attacks. Now, the men were held by the pitch-black hands.
“You guys can deliver a message to Aritnamas.”
Ray poked one of them with his spear's blunt end.

“Got something to tell him?”

“Well, yup. You too?”

“Mhm. Tell him, if he has one of his plans with Gensokyo, I'm gonna kill him. And yes, that's a threat.”

“And I want him to know, that if he ever again tries to do anything to the people at my home, I'm gonna stop him. No es broma, ¿comprende?”

“You realize they don't speak Spanish?”
Then the hands tugged them into the ground.



“What? Aniki, mi hermano, why do you give me that look?”

“I just noticed that you got a damn large burden for your age.”

“Why so serious?”
Ray backed away.

“Not serious at all. It's just that...  I thought how lucky I am, without my own fan club and duties.”

“And there I thought you finally found your compassion.”

“It's not that I don't have any, I just don't share it with you, little brother.”
He curiously looked over to the nearest woods. To his surprise, Youmu came closer from there, swords strapped to her back. He beckoned her over, which prompted her to walk faster.

“Hello, Fabian-san.”

“Just Fabian would be okay. Hi. This is my little brother, Ray.”

She gave him a bow.

“She's Youmu Konpaku, a half-phantom.”

“I see.”
He gave her a nod.

Byakuren, Miko and Yukari came closer.

“Yukari-sama, hello. Byakuren-san, Miko-san.”

They greeted her back, then turned to the brothers.
“Who were they?”
Miko inquired.

“Aritnamas' followers, servants, tools. Whatever description suits you.”

“And Aritnamas is..?”
Byakuren kept that calm smile even now.

Youmu looked around in confusion, while Fabian gave his answer sighing.
“Aritnamas. The greatest of mankind, as he calls himself, which already shows his lack of several characteristics that I'd consider positive. He is a great pillar and the first as well as – though I hate to say it – the strongest human to use magic up to now. He is also extremely narrow- and short-sighted, still believing in his outdated, terribly outdated, principles. Oh, and he is my list of people I need to beat into a pulp.”

“So you had some confrontations with him, Fabian?”
Yukari giggled.

“Mhm. I met him four times. And in all for battles, I had to make an escape because of his troublesome defenses. Just so you know, defensive techniques were what the first humans developed when they learned to utilize different superpowers.”

“Why do you show so little regard for him?”

He made a grunting sound.
“He's called a Mage, but he hasn't adopted any trait that would qualify him as one. All he does is shoot out brutish and crude energy.”

Miko raised an eyebrow.
“Would you care to enlighten me what is expected of a Mage, to which even you comply, a rather unconventional person?”

“Was that supposed to be an insult? Anyway Mages are known and hated for being subtle manipulators, whether in front of their opponent or in the background. Aritnamas takes his own approach, saying 'power makes subtlety useless', and justifies this with his age. Hypocrisy in it's final state.”

“So you disregard people that use sheer power?”

“Only if they claim to be Mages. Anything else?” 

Youmu was the one to ask next.
“What does that person want?”

“Extinction of absolutely everything he doesn't consider human.”
Three people breathed in sharply.

Miko simply asked.
“How far does that go?”

“I don't know how he reacts to a shikaisen. We have – every once in a while – similar opinions, though I wouldn't condemn others.”

“Oh? What do you think of us, then?”

“Easy way out. That's what becoming a shikaisen is. Just a embarrassingly easy deception to trick death. Are you offended, by any chance?”




“That's exactly what I expected. Why do you solidify my opinion of royalty?”

“Hmph. What a sharp and unrestrained tongue.”

“I heard worse things.”

“For example?”

“Uhm, like monster, abomination, sinner, sin, to account people who are actually respectable enough to consider.”

“I see.”



“Would you mind stopping Aritnamas?”

“Now you encourage me as a friend to follow my excellent plan.”

“How reliable.”

Miko shook her head.
“That Aritnamas person seems to be too extreme. What did he do to be so long-lived?”

“He's – like me again – a Craeiran. Which also explains why he actually has success with his unsophisticated approach.”

“It does? And you are the same?”

“Most powerful kind of human to be known, on a general level. Includes longevity, immunity to most kinds of dying and a regenerative ability without match.”


“If you're interested, I have a book at home, which describes us rather well.”

“Didn't you say you disliked me as a shikaisen?”

“I said I wouldn't condemn you for it. It just creates a bad initial image, but I'm always giving multiple chances, as long as I can.”
He turned away.
“Youmu, mind coming with us? I've got some things to tell you.”

“Of course.”
The two, together with Yukari and Ray went towards his tower.

Byakuren still smiled.
“I have to go back to the temple. Duty awaits.”

Miko stayed for a while, looking at Fabian, who quickly faded from view with the others.
“Hm. Why? His desires and his words don't match with each other. What is this?”
She turned and went back to the mausoleum.

The woman Fabian called teacher stood on top her own tower. She contemplated his words, as they began to make more and more sense.
“Indeed. Nephew, there is no need to eavesdrop on me.”

He came up.
“I wanted to make sure you wouldn't explode with anger. What did my friend say?”

“His words, his posture, even his demeanor... Everything was like from his teacher. As if I spoke with him. How did you know?”

“I'm not ignorant, aunt. You loved him like a son. You still do.”

“Yes. He is indeed like a son to me. Do you know when I last had one? A child?”


“Over three thousand years ago. I never again wanted children, and now... A student like a son. Isn't the flow of time cruel? But, nephew. I do wonder why you called him your 'friend' just now, not 'former friend'?”

He smiled.
“Quite frankly, I'm only against him, because blood is thicker than water.”


I looked over my notes today and noticed two things:

First, my initial plot changed by over 60%. This includes my original characters' personalities.
Second, I'm not even half as far as I wanted to. But, now I'll try to update this faster. I have no clue how many people actually like this story, but if you do, look forward to it being faster now.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #20 on: October 28, 2012, 09:02:19 pm »
Here we go already. I completely forgot to post Ray's profile before, so it's a bit late.

Chapter 19:

At the tower, Fabian lead the others into a comfortable living room. Youmu was rather tense and just stood around even when everyone else sat down on one of the three couches.
The Craeiran raised an eyebrow.
“Care to sit down?”

“Ah! I-I... Okay.”
She agreed as he motioned her over, and sat down timidly beside him.

Larina came him.
“Oh, it's Ray. Wait, how long was it? Over half a year, so you want that special wine for this occasion. Am I right?”

“Sure you are.”
Fabian smiled.

“And you won't let me drink again, yes?”
Ray was clearly angry.

“With your tolerance? Your nonexistent tolerance? Like I'd be that dumb.”

“U-um... Fabian?”

“Hm? Yeah, what's it, Youmu?”

“Is it really that bad for him to drink? It reminds me of something.”

“You know someone else with my problems, Konpaku-san?”

“It is bad.”
Fabian ignored his brother.
“We had to rebuild the whole wing from our celebrity, solely because of Ray. And he drank the weakest wine we had.”

“I see. Just like that time...”
She got lost in her thoughts.

“So, little brother, what kinda good deeds did you do? Aside from the obligatory help old woman across streets, and hunting down evil guys, I mean.”

“How very funny, mi hermano. But, nothing unusual, save for my fights with nuestro hermana mayor.”

Youmu tilted her head.

“Our older sister. Ray, it's getting worse again.”

“Habits define us. Didn't you tell me that?”

“Sure. Yukari, I know your laughing behind your fan, I hear it.”
He unconsciously laid his arm over the couch's edge, so that it was now practically around Youmu's shoulders. She didn't notice it, as she looked at Yukari.

Who saw a chance.
“My, my. Are you two that close?”

“Huh? Yukari-sama?”
Youmu looked at Fabian, noticed his arm, and jumped up.
“I-I-I-I'm sorry!”

He weighed his head to one side with a questioning gaze.
“What for?”

“Well, I-I...”
She noticed that there wasn't anything to be sorry for.

Ray looked at her, then at his brother.
“Ella... sin importancia.”

“¿por qué?”

The following silent gaze made Fabian shrug. He then leaned forward and put his hand directly on Youmu's shoulder, and with gentle pressure, made her sit down.

“Don't mind it. And, what 'bout the honorifics?”

“...I apologize.”
She took a deep breath.

Larina came in with a bottle of red wine, a bottle of water and four glasses. She opened the bottle with the small dagger from her bracelet and filled the glasses slowly. Three with wine, one with water.
“There you go.”

Yukari and Fabian each took one glass. Youmu didn't move, so Fabian took hers and practically shoved it into her hands, while Ray begrudgingly took the water.
“Eh? For me?”

“Weeeell, yes?”


Fabian and Yukari raised their glasses and Youmu followed suit.
They took a sip.

Ray was watching them, the glass with water in his hand.
“Aniki, can't you trust me?”

“Not with this. I do trust you at a magnitude of other things.”

Youmu took another sip of the wine.
“It's good.”

“Yes, it's one of my favorites. It's reserved for special occasions, like meeting someone again after some time passes, a long lost friend I thought had died... along those lines.”

“I see. Now I feel honored.”

“No need to. I pretty much dragged you into this anyway, so it's only fair.”
He was visibly happy. His usual nonchalant smile was replaced y a cheerful grin.
“Gensokyo... I didn't  expect to grow this accustomed to it. How long have I been around? Less than a month. Maybe half one.”
He leaned back, his eyes two calm balls of weak fire.

“Wow, tus ojos. They've never been this... nice.”
Ray stared at him.

“You just never saw it. Most times we're together, we're running through some forgotten and cursed halls, or we'd be around the old man.”

“Guess you're right. ¡vaya, I'll see you like this some more. I've got a favor to ask of you.”
He leaned forward to his brother.


“Mind if I come by every now and then? Looks like I can relax here.”

“Sure. We'll prepare a room for you, what you do with it is your thing.”

“Thanks, Aniki.”

“You two are in a good relationship.”
Youmu's comment caused both of them to focus on her.
“I'm getting a bit jealous, as a only child.”

“Well, you haven't seen us arguing.”

“Estoy de acuerdo. It usually ends in a fight. And I lose.”

“Mhm. If we used Spellcard rules, though...”


“You don't know that. I'll explain it later.”

Nue was bored. That was the reason why she decided to pay him a visit. After Fabian had wandered off, she pondered what to do. She wasn't finished playing, especially after how they met.  Now that the Youkai knew from Byakuren that he was in the Forest of Magic, she immediately made her way there. That he settled down there now shouldn't surprise her.
“But where is he? This is one big forest.”
She couldn't make out anything from above, but continued searching nonetheless. Her thoughts drifted off to their first meeting.

As she lazily walked around the temple, she ended up at the room he occupied. Byakuren had told her to leave him alone. Nue activated a seed of non-identification and entered. He was lying on the  futon, sleeping. She poked his cheek, and he groaned, prompting her to poke him again, as his hand shot up to hold her wrist. He opened his left eye, which instantly took her attention away. The gentle flames that flickered lazily were hypnotizing, especially on this distance.
“Who are you?”

“I... Who do you think I am.”
That was close. I almost told him.

He opened his other eyes as well and the hypnotic effect lessened, while he looked at her.
“A cute girl. And a Youkai.”

She had felt her cheeks growing red. He confused her with this statement which caused the seed to lose effect.
“And now?”

“Why should you suddenly change?” 
He sat up and groaned in pain.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“No. It feels like someone plays skipping with my intestines.”

“That's kinda extreme, Drotarin-san.”

“You know my name?”

“Well, Byakuren told us about you.”
She remembered that he still held her wrist.
“Mind letting me go?”

He did that, but without showing any embarrassment or care.
“What do you want?”

“I was curious. Though she also said we shouldn't disturb you.”

He looked at his bandaged arm.
“Could you give me those?”
Fabian pointed towards a bundle of fresh bandages.

She shoved a few over, while he took the ones he had off. The wound was gaping.
“What did you do?”

“Something desperate.”
He re-applied the fresh bandages with one hand.

“Should I help you?”
It surprised Nue herself that she had asked that. But she didn't expect him to take up the favor.

“If you don't mind.”
So she helped him quietly. Afterward, hanging around him had become a habit for her as much as for Murasa in the week he stayed.

A habit she missed now. But while flying around, she only looked downwards and promptly bumped into a window, which shouldn't have been there.
She fell down.

Fabian and the other three looked towards the window where Nue was falling down. He acted fast, teleporting towards the window and opening it were a single action. He stretched out his arms and caught her gently, one arm holding her shoulders, the other one under her knees.
“What are you doing there?”
He sighed, but it was a soft sigh, as he carried her over to the couch. She seemed slightly dazed.
“Nue. Do you recognize me?”
The Mage sat her down between himself and Youmu.

She took ten seconds.
“Of course. Man, I'm just here to visit you.”

“Wait a second.”
He checked her head for any wounds.
“Good, nothing serious, I guess.”

“But it hurts seriously.”

Youkai, huh? Heck, shouldn't she be sturdier than that?
“You'll survive it.”
He stroked her hair, although carefully.

She leaned onto him.
“If you say that.”
And closed her eyes.

The other three were watching in silence. At least until he looked at each of them. Ray felt the silent power in his eyes the most, partially because he knew it's extents.
“Who's that?”
He followed the silent demand.

“Nue Hojuu.”

“Another friend, eh?”
He rolled his eyes.
“I'll never ever understand you.”

“Same here.”


“He. ¡vaya,I'll go back to my usual thing.”
He stood up and walked towards the door. He stopped.
“And mi hermano.”
Fabian looked at him.
“It's good to see you like this.”
Then he was out.

“That wasn't cool at all.”
The strongest member of the Drotarin family smiled.

“I'll go as well.”
Yukari stood up and walked into the gap she opened.

“Ray, just a second.”
Yukari was waiting just outside the tower.

He disliked her visibly.

“What was that? This question about Nue sounded so very strained, as if you didn't want to ask.”

“You don't know it?”

“...What would you mean by that?”

“The power of his eyes. ¡caramba, and I thought you knew it.”

“His eyes. They have a power?”

“I'm not gonna tell you.”
He turned around and created a white portal.
“Ask him. But not now, if he wants to talk to that green girl.”

“I am aware of that. But it is strange. Why wouldn't he tell me?”

Ray laughed for a short moment.
“Oh, that's easy. He knows what you'd ask of him, if you knew.”
And he walked away with those words, into the portal that closed with a flash.

“Strange. What would I ask of him, I couldn't now? Or couldn't do myself?”
She tipped her fan against her lips, while walking through another gap.

“Fabian, what did you want to talk about?”
Youmu was anxious now. He lied down the now sleeping Nue on another couch and sat down beside Youmu again.

“I wanted to apologize.”

She stared at him.
“For what?”

“Back at the temple, I was vague and didn't tell you the most important parts because of my bad mood.”

“Oh. Em, I don't think you should apologize for that. But what else did he..?”
She stopped mid sentence.

“Two other things, to be exact. He wanted me to bring you to the one that made the Roukanken, if possible.”

“You know that person?”

“Possibly. Can I see it again?”

“Yes, of course.”
She took the sword which was lying at the side of her seat and gave it him.

He unsheathed it slowly. Unlike last time, he studied every millimeter of the blade, the handle and even the sheath.
“Where's the sheath from?”

“I'm not too sure. Why?”

“Because it's definitely not the original one.”

“Huh? How can you...”
She got louder than she wanted, but settled down immediately.
“I'm sorry.”

“This sword was made by someone I know, but the sheaths of his weapons are always made by one of his daughters. And this one clearly isn't one of those.”

“How do you know?”

He sheathed it again, but held out his free right hand and another sword appeared, also in a sheath, unlike his usual one. It was even longer than the black sword, and the handle of this double edged weapon was made from a material she couldn't define.
“The same smith.”

“Can I... see it?”
She was hesitant to ask.

But he gave it to her, while keeping Roukanken in his hand.
“No trouble. I know I can trust you.”

Youmu quietly unsheathed it, but gasped. The weapon was beautiful. A simply perfect white, infused with countless small jewels and crystals, that made it shine in different colors any second.
“What is it's name?”
Signs were engraved into it, exactly where blade and handle met.

“Literally, it means 'Fate-Breaker'. It's a bit funny how I used it for exactly that: To break my predetermined fate.”

Her eyes began shining.
So it did what it was made for.
“How old is it?”
That was the point she found odd. It just missed the feeling of age her own sword had.

“A few years. I'm the only one who uses it. In fact, he made it for me.”

“Who is he?”

“A blacksmith older than I can express. Sorry, but he doesn't want me to use his name.”

“Why would grandfather want me to meet him? Does he know that man?”

“No. He told me. He only wants you to do what he couldn't. Before you even ask: That was as clear as he got.”

She swung the sword once. It had about the same length as Roukanken, thicker and at least five times heavier.
“You said there was something else.”

“Well, that was a solely different favor. He was rather reserved there, a bit like you. In short, your grandfather wanted me train with you, if you agreed.”

Youmu sheathed the sword and put it down, then stood up. She bowed deeply.
“I would be very grateful. You beat me with your superior skills, even though considerably weakened.”
And she stayed that way, without looking up.

Even when he began chuckling, and then laughing.
“That's unbearably cute.”
And he began stroking her head.

She reddened.
“I-Is that a... a good thing?”

“It means what it says. And if I had any problem with it, I'd never have told you 'bout that favor.”
He continued laughing.
“You don't need to stand all the time.”

She sat down again and took a few deep breaths.
“If you don't mind, could you come over to Hakugyokurou for training?”

“No problem. When? I'm pretty much free.”

“Tomorrow, early noon?”


“I suppose I should head back. Yuyuko-sama isn't expecting me, but...”

“Sure. I'll bring you to the door.”

“You don't need to. It's better if you don't leave Hojuu-san alone.”

He stroked her head once more. She stood up, bowed again and walked out. She made her way towards her home, silent and happy.

Ray Drotarin

Age: 13

Species: Human

Abilities: Manipulation of Holiness

Similar to his adoptive brother, Ray started his life out rather ordinary, until a certain incident that threw him into the adventures he went through.
He developed a strict personality, focused on obtaining his personal justice. This lessened upon joining the Drotarin family, a name he is highly proud of.
Although he often clashes with other people when meeting them due to his strict and subjective world-view, most notably his own family, Ray has a good heart.
He will always go out of his way to help someone in need. His ability allows him to use even the smallest shreds of holy or divine energy to his own advantage, making him a hard opponent for gods and demons alike.
His self-esteem is rather high, but far from being arrogant, and he will ask for help should he get into trouble he can't solve on his own.
He's not very pragmatic and often takes step into the wrong direction, but always knows what he gets into.
His way and motives often prompts others to consider him naive, the first mistake. Ray has a unspoken loyalty towards his brother, and if it came to it, would rather follow him than his own ideals, recognizing the difference between them.

I really wonder what you all think about this story. It's not developing that fast, but that was never my intention.
And even if I haven't mentioned that for a few chapters, I would still appreciate you expressing your opinion about it.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #21 on: December 03, 2012, 03:57:58 pm »
I'm sorry for the delay, again. But school is more troublesome again, so please bear with it.

Chapter 20:

Early evening, the same day.

Keine Kamishirisawa walked out of the Human Village. Her classes ended some time ago, and she was on her way to meet her best friend. For that, the half-human entered the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. The name was certainly fitting. The amount of humans that got lost over the course of the years was something Keine would have preferred not to know. Regardless, it was part of her duty. A duty she took up herself, but a duty regardless.
After quite some time, she reached a plain-looking house. The door opened, and out of it walked Fujiwara no Mokou. She had red eyes, which always held a hint of either sadness or anger in them, and white hair, reaching down to her ankles. Her clothes consisted of a simple brown shirt and baggy red pants. Those pants and her hair were randomly decorated with paper charms.
Keine ran the short distance to her friend, a wide smile on her face.

“Yo, Keine. You're pretty late.”
She smiled in spite of her words.

“Well, school and all. It's not easy being a teacher.”

“Happy I'm not one.”

“I doubt you would make a good one, with your short temper.”
They went into the house, which was just as plain on the inside as on the outside.

“So, any news?”

“If you would come into the village occasionally, you wouldn't need me to tell you.”
It earned her a wry look from her friend.
“I know, you are more of a loner.”
They sat down on the spot.
“Any news... There had been some sort of incident recently, but nobody in the village could tell. Some had visions, which is rather unnatural. And then there were those weird shreds flying through the air.”

“Seen them around here.”

“Really? I do wonder what that means. Nobody but me could see them. And you now.”

“Something else?”

“Nothing of importance.”

Mokou leaned closer.
“You sure with that?”

Keine shoved her away.
“Yes, I am.”

Mokou stood up and walked into another room. After a few minutes, she returned with some sake.
“Let's have a toast that nothing serious happened.”

Nue was happy. Granted, she still felt the pain from hitting the window, but she used it as an excuse to feign sleep, as Fabian once again examined her head, to see how bad it was.
“I know you're pretending. Your breath is not slow enough for sleep.”

She slowly sat up.
“Why didn't you say that from the beginning?”

“I wouldn't have gotten to that talk with Youmu. So, what's on your mind?”

“I was bored, so I came over. Why did I bump into your tower?”

“It's only visible when you're at least 20 meters close.”

“Pretty ominous.”

“So I don't have any problems with hawkers.”

“Does Gensokyo have any?”

“Apparently not,  but I didn't know that when I prepared this.”
He shrugged.
“But it's nice. At least for me. My last tower was burned down because it hovered over a small village. I never did anything, they simply judged me because of my home. Pretty weird, ain't it?”

“Sure. People tried to kill me for some pranks.”

“I wonder how they thought 'bout the creatures you embodied.”


“Hey, people tried to kill me for protecting them. A proof of their good heart.”

She pouted.
“You win.”

He snickered to that. They often played this game. One gave an example of how they were mistreated, the other one tried to give a better one. That continued until one gave up. While Nue had more experiences, Fabian's were more traumatizing.
“Another round? Or something else?”

“Show me around.”

“Mokou! I tell ya, that guy is bad.”
Keine mumbled, only slightly drunk.

Good dose.
Mokou knew her friend's reactions to the right amounts of alcohol. And she could make her talk about things she didn't want to talk about easily. It was unhealthy for the teacher to do that, and she only told her best friend so much. But now...

“He just walked into the fight, and talked about  me not being on my fullest, then just runnin' away.”

“Who is that guy?”

“Some newbie. Fabian Drotarin.”

“Hm. Many new people recently, right?”

“Yea. But the gods aren't so bad, the temple is regulating Youkai activity and the Taoists don't really do anthin'.”

Yep, a very good dose. Just a bit slurred.
“You should stop drinking.”

“No, not yet.”

“You should.”

“Just a minute ago, it felt like someone talked 'bout me.”
Fabian noted as they walked into the library.

“Some extra sense?”

The inside was gargantuan. Shelves higher and wider than visible.

“Your foster-father collected those?”

“Yeah, but most of them are useless for me.”


He hesitated.
“The methods inside them are too old, too complicated. Use of Magic evolved over the thousands of years. Even the most basic methods are different. The ways in our very being are more advanced than anything the oldest of those books can teach us. The only reason they are there, is to be there.”

“What? What kinda reason is that?”

“If they are gone, what is inside will be gone as well. The feelings of the writer, the words, the intention. Anything. I can't do that.”

“Huh. That's deep.”

“I know. In terms of use, this collection is limited. There's another one around, right?”

“I heard about it.”

“Guess I should ask Marisa.”

“How much are useful?”
She immediately changed the topic.

“Generally? A good thousand. On specific research? No clue.”

She grabbed his arm.
“Show me some other rooms.”

He smiled. Which was his standard expression.
“How 'bout my observation room? I can look into other worlds with it.”

“And Gensokyo?”

“I'll try not to go too deep into others privacy, unlike a certain Youkai.”

“Who? Not me, I hope.”

“No, no. If you don't know who I mean, let's leave it at that. Would take way too much breath to explain.”
They walked up the unnaturally wide stairway onto the fourth floor, entering a room through a particularly ornate door. The room was quite homely, round couches arranged around different massive tables, all shimmering in blue.

“Why's everything so big in your tower, Fabian?”
They sat down on one of them.

“Better too much space than not enough.”
He shrugged.
“Wanna see another world?”

He waved his hand, and the table's light rose up, creating an image. In it, they saw two girls about his age wearing black clothes stumbling through a tunnel, a man in black armor following them in some distance.
“And that's happening right now?”

“Mhm. In a world with a similar structure to this one. I've been around there. That youbger girl's a friend.”

“Aren't you worried?”
They gradually gained distance.

“Not really. Shesaved the world more than once, and the other one would deserve to die.”

“Wow. A friend, right? Nothing more?”

“Nope, she's not my type.”

“Then, what kinda girl is your type?”

“Well, the kind that's not as arrogant or cynic as I. Those are extremely arrogant, more than me. Though they're definitely beautiful enough.”

“More arrogant than you, that's hard.”

“I know.”

She laughed.
“Why are you so honest?”

“I like to stay close to the truth, whenever I'm not lying.”

She stayed silent, but hugged him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Oh, and to add: You're my type.”

For a few seconds, she gave no reaction. Then, she jumped up while turning red, stuttering.
“W-w-what are you t-t-talking about?”

He smiled even brighter at her reaction.
“I thought I'd tell you.”

She kept stuttering, but the things were incomprehensible to him. Until she stormed out with a very clear “I never asked, you big idiot!”.

When she was away far enough, he burst out into laughter.
“I never expected that.”
He kept laughing until the table in front of him began glowing magma-like. His amusement vanished when the image of a large crypt appeared. It wasn't old, only few years could have passed since the last time a person went inside.
“You can't tell me it's 'bout time. Not even a decade...”
The nonchalance on his face was gone for exhausted reluctance.

Torek stormed inside.
“What the hell's that thing? Why is it tracking me?”
A black ball flew behind him, hitting the familiar in the back. Fabian knew the exact sizes, as well as all components. This ball was a fearsome item of his collection, capable of eradicating a particular law of nature. It landed in the palm of his hand.

“It's time, yeah.”
He sighed.

“What? Oh, damn. That face means you're about to do something no sane person would. Need me to prepare cover-up?”

“It's not like it's gonna happen here. I'll do it tomorrow, anyway.”

“Oh? What would that be?”
Byakuren walked in.

“Ah, yeah. Boss, a visitor.”
Fabian punched Torek towards the next wall for that.

“Hi again. What brings you here, Byakuren?”

“I meant to ask you something. But this matter appears to be more important. Do you need any help?”

“Not really. It's more along the lines of fulfilling someone's last wish. What did you want?”
He smiled again.

“No, don't worry about me. It seems to be a serious matter.”

“Byakuren, I said I'd do it tomorrow. So, what's it you wanted to talk 'bout?”

She seemed uncomfortable.
“I would like your help, Fabian. But first, I'd like to know more about Craeirans. There is something I need to be proven.”

“Hm. I can tell you what you need to know, or lend you a book. That thing misses out some more sensible facts I'd share with you, though.”
The Mage saw his familiar's shocked impression, unlike Byakuren.

“I see. But I would like to start with the book.”

“Kinda odd. Why did you suddenly ask that? I mean, Just today you heard 'bout it, and now this? Also, you either used a pause at the temple, made a pause I mean, or you finished early. You don't finish early.”
He was rather inquisitive about it.

Byakuren turned away.
“That's right. I'm sorry, but I ask you to trust me.”

“That's beside the point. I trust you already. You'll definitely tell me what's going on, that's clear to me.”
She turned to him again, surprise written all over her face.
“What? You keep forgetting that I'm a Manipulator. Knowing people is my job.”

Byakuren gave him a soft smile.
“Thank you.”

“Well, let's get you my very rare book, right?”

The woman with the scaly arms was crying. Her blue snake-like eyes were already swollen from it. Her nephew walked closer.


“Leave me alone in my grief.”

“Grieving is something you do to come to terms with what happened. You're doing it for years. That's past the time needed.”

“What do you know?”

“I know that it's my father we're talking about. He would have shrugged it off after a week at worst. You aren't doing him much honor.”

She turned to him, from the painting she had been fixated on.
“How dare you? What makes you say that? He was one of the First! And that boy killed him, using the knowledge your father bestowed upon him!”

“A true honor. Die by the hand of your student, and you know you've been outdone. The kind of death he wished for. I follow you because we're family, but to be perfectly honest, I don't understand why.”

She lunged at him, and her claws stopped centimeters from his neck, the dagger in his hand just as close to her heart.

He smirked.
“I'm my father's son, in case you forgot. No way I could beat Fabian or him, but you...”

“You dare say his name?”
A piercing headache shot through her brain. The woman retreated.

“There you go.”
His dagger disappeared in his sleeves, and his tongue crept out. The sign something went as he expected.

“What do you mean?”

“If I tell you, one of us is going to die. And I don't plan on dying yet. Nor should you.”
He turned around and walked away from the stunned woman, soon fading into the black of the long hallway.

“This boy... More enigmatic than his father ever was. But, he apparently doesn't want to kill either that curse or me. What do you want, Sreakin?”
She walked in a different direction, curiosity replacing grief. She continued her monologue.
“What could that boy be planning? He is impatient, but brilliant. His actions are cold, but his moral high. And his methods tend to bring him what he wants.”
The steps she heard caused her to stop. These steps were heavier than Sreakin's. Turning around wordlessly, she saw him, and that moment, she became terrified.
The man – in a generous sense of the word – before her wore a tuxedo as red as blood over a pitch-black jacket. The fitting pants were also red, and the gloves black with white trim. His face looked human, but off. The eyes glowed golden and missed their pupils. The malicious grin on his face bared his brutal fangs.
“You...! Why are you here? You should be dead, or sealed at least!”

“I was liberated.”
His voice was deep, filled with spite and deeply provoking.
“A few years ago. That boy is now my master, and your foe.”

“The cursed eyes of Humanity.”

“What a title. I also guided him towards you lot, before I became a familiar.”

“That was you?”
The woman stumbled back a step.
“Was it you plan?”

“I planned for him to become my pawn, not the other way round. That young human has the potential to become what is infinitely our greater. Right now, in this moment, he already equals me on my height, outdoing you and your kin.”
He chuckled, his pose not changing even the slightest.

“Why are you here, Archdragon? You cannot fuel my rage for you or him, so quit wasting your time.”

“Oh, don't you worry. I'm warning you, child. If you take just one wrong step on your pointless crusade of vengeance, you will die. Fabian will kill you, if you hurt an innocent or a friend. I will kill you, if you harm him. And Should you actually try to kill me, you will die as well.”

Talked to in a familiar tone by one of the people she hates the most, and given such a condescending warning, she snapped.
Her claws flashed as she moved to attack yet another man she talked to.

The Archdragon parried with a staff and a sword that appeared in his hands instantaneous.
“You cannot match me. Your existence and traditions are tied to my essence. Should I die, so will you. And as a familiar, I shall return.”

She waited, claws in a deadlock with weapons, before jumping away.
“This is not over. I will succeed.”

“Not without dying. You don't want that, do you? Your kind always clings to their lives. Or, by any chance...”
His grin widened in cruel amusement.
“... do you seek death?”

She took a step back. And another one. Her eyes where widened in fear.
“... W-why?”

“Why? What, why? Why do I know? Why do I say? You know that. Or did you forget? I'll tell you nice and slow. I. Am. A. Sadistic. Monstrous. Cruel. Great. Pillar. The. Father. Of. All. Dragons. And, of course, part of your family.”
With an insane cackle, he disappeared.

The woman just stood there, unable to move or talk for hours.

“Here you go.”
Fabian hung in the air before one of his shelves, fishing one particular book out. Byakuren was beside him.

“Thank you.”
She took the book.

“Oh, and with this”
He snapped his fingers and a pair of glasses appeared in his hand.
“you can read it.”

She took the glasses as well.
“Thank you.”

“A book you can't read can't really help, can it?”
They landed on the ground and walked towards the entrance.
“But, why do you want to know 'bout Craeirans?”

Byakuren took a while to answer.
“It is an important matter. I promise to tell you after I found out what I want to know.”
She looked away.

He kept his gently burning eyes on her for a bit longer, then turned to look forward.
“Alright. I've patience.”

They walked in silence and reached the entrance, where a man in red and black waited.
“Ah, so refreshing to be here.”

“Took you long enough, Thar.”
Fabian snickered.
“Bet you took your sweet time with it.”

“Of course.”

Byakuren gave Fabian a questioning gaze.
“Oh yeah. That scary fellow is Thar, my dragon familiar, and a person you – I guarantee – won't get along with.”

“How so? I would consider myself a person to get along with fairly well.”

“Yeah, but Thar is quite an inversion of you. He's impatient, cruel, evil, generally hard to socialize and, well a dragon. A old one.”
He grinned.
“Seriously, you wouldn't approve of his hobbies, save for fishing, I guess.”

Thar sneered.
“You must be Byakuren Hijiri. Yes, we won't get along. I will try to avoid you, not because of antipathy, but due to our ways in life being fundamentally different. So, return that book within whatever time span he gave you. I guard every piece of his collection, books included.”

“There isn't one.”
Fabian informed him.

“Aren't we generous.”
A quite disturbing smirk crossed Thar's face.
“You should feel honored by that, Byakuren Hijiri. It is rare for him.”

“I see.”
She smiled warmly.
“But I have to go now. Again, thank you for this, Fabian.”

“I'll bring you to the door.”
Fabian was already at the door, but Byakuren declined.

“You don't need to. I suppose you have to discuss something, no?”
On Fabian's slow nod, Byakuren walked out.

“What an amount of read-the-atmosphere-ness.”
The dragon smirked.
“But she is right.”

Fabian sat down at a nearby desk, legs folded at the ankles, hands in the pockets of his coat.

Thar took a seat on the opposite site, leaning forward and his hands in front of his lower face, each gloved finger touching it's counterpart.
“They will likely attack soon. Only the one who holds influence is truly after your life, the others seem to understand you, to some extent. Your friend even says it.”

“Sreakin's always been daring.”
Fabian chuckled.

“Well, your teacher seriously questions your motives. Sreakin only deepens those thoughts. He seems to deal more damage to them than to you.”

“Not surprising. That's just what I'd expect from a strategic genius with a terrifying lack of patience. Passive-aggressive actions against people he doesn't understand.”

“If you say that. Well, the perpetrator doesn't doubt herself. That girl is too selfish to understand what is said between the lines.”

Fabian heaved an exhausted sigh.
“I wish we didn't have to fight. But”
He looked at Thar, his determination visible in the now wild flames in his eyes.
“I can't avoid it. What I will avoid however, is Gensokyo, my new home, to turn into a battlefield.”
Thar smiled at those words, uncharacteristic genuine.

I'm considering to change the title, mostly because the story has evolved very different from my first idea. It just doesn't seem very fitting.
This time, there is no profile for Thar. There will be one later.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #22 on: January 12, 2013, 05:05:45 pm »
Next chapter!

Okay, updates won't be frequent. I have to wait for the inspiration to hit me. But I will definitely update, just be patient.

Hope you like it.

Chapter 21:

The sound of swords meeting repeatedly disturbed the still air of Hakugyokurou. It came from the young man in black and red, wielding his black sword with just the left hand despite it's size, and the younger girl, her long katana already weighing heavily in her hands, from the extensive training. He was always a step ahead of her, attacking where she was protected the worst, or from an unexpected angle. How he constantly used teleports and feints didn't help either. For the whole training, Youmu had been retreating from the Mage, trying to create an opening by distance, or to use a Spellcard. The strategy hadn't come to any fruition, but the alternatives would all end up with large wounds on her part.
“Ah, come on. You need to keep up with that.”
It was easy for him to say that. Fabian was shooing Youmu around the massive gardens of  Hakugyokurou, taking less than five minutes for a complete round. And he kept taunting her like that.
“Hey, hey. I expected more from someone who could actually hit me, and see through my tricks.”
She would have answered that, but couldn't muster up the breath without being sliced in half by his furry of strikes, most of which she barely parried.
“Retreating along a garden is a really bad idea, Youmu. Stop being so two-dimensional, please.”

A new idea hit her. Youmu stopped her retreat and used one strike, mustering up all strength her body would allow, and stopped Fabian with an uppercut. Then, she sprinted towards a tree, without stopping, to use the momentum and ran up. However, a familiar silhouette stormed past her, and Fabian was expecting her past the tree's branches, she knew it without looking. So she finally readied her Spellcard.

[Human Sign "Slash of Present"]

And used the fastest attack she could currently. Her speed accelerated for a short time, making her rush through the branches, just to be met by a X-shaped wave of energy. Youmu instinctively used her speed to bring the Roukanken between them before she originally intended it. Still, she was pushed down into the ground.
The crater from her impact was sizable.

“Too fast to act.”
Fabian came closer again.
“I just gave you the hint.”

“Bu... but I... I'm ful... fully ex... hausted.”
She couldn't stand up.
“I... can't go... on.”

“Guess I overdid it. Sorry.”
His sword disappeared. He helped her sit up, and examined her for wounds.
“Nothing serious. But you kept up rather well.”

“Thank... you.”

“Deep breaths.”
Fabian chuckled.
“Let's get back.”

“Yes I... Kya!”
He gave her a piggyback ride.

“What? You can't stand straight.”

“B-b-b-but th-th-this is...”
Youmu went quiet, when she slowly felt comforted by being carried like that. It had been a long time, since anybody did that..

Fabian chuckled.
“Another cute reaction. If you continue, I'll seriously begin to enjoy teasing you. We don't want that.”

“H-how am I supposed to do that?!”

“Oooooh. Stop it.”

How he continued to chuckle just confused her more and more.
They reached the main building – a traditional Japanese mansion – soon enough. Surrounded by several gardens, all filled with sakura trees, it was sticking out. On the veranda, a beautiful lady was solemnly sipping tee, her face full of satisfaction. Her clear brown eyes were the most normal about her. With hair as pink as cherry blossoms, very pale skin, and a a light blue kimono, bearing a ghostly motif, something about her could only be described as otherworldly. Yuyuko Saigyouji, the ghostly Princess of the Netherworld.

“Hoooh? Youmu, did you win to be treated like that?”
Yuyuko smiled.

“I-I-I... No, I'm... just very tired.”
In turn, Youmu buried her face in Fabian's back.

He put her down on the veranda however, then taking a seat between them.
“She kept up with me. That's a success, if not a win.”

“Is it? Then, what do you think of her style?”

He leaned back a bit.
“Youmu definitely has the speed to outdo most enemies in close combat. And she's got a pretty good technique. But she has a few weaknesses, mostly, that she lacks the experience.”

“I do?”
Her breathing stabilized slowly, and she managed not to stutter.

“Mhm. How many serious battles did you have? Spellcard battles not included.”

“You can count them on one hand.”
Yuyuko seemed to find it funny, she giggled.

“Well, that explains it. Our training's gonna be more than rigorous."

“More than today?”
Youmu appeared slightly scared

“I was getting an idea of your endurance and exact level of power. Next weakness. You can't predict my teleporting movements at all. Which is kinda sad, since you can move at extreme levels of speed, perfect to act against them. You're wasting your talent.”

She looked away.

He chuckled.
“Nah, don't worry. Not like you could have it any different, anyway. I'll help you with that. Anyway, from training with yourself, you hardly learn past a certain limit. And you reached it. We'll concentrate on getting you past that.”

“Okay. Then, what can I do?”

He looked up at the sky with a shrewd smile.
“Leave that to me.”

Youmu looked at him.
“Yes, thank you.”

“You trust me just like that?”

“I do.”

“What a nice feeling, contrary to all the hatred and doubt. Well, I have a good idea of how to train you now. Prepare yourself for next time.”

“Ohoho. That sounds like you will spend awfully much time with each other.”
More giggling.

“Naturally, when I help Youmu with training.”


Fabian just looked up at two hitodama tackling each other in some distance.

“You really are like Yukari described you.”

“... What did she say exactly?”

“Youmu, get some more tea, please.”

“Of course, Yuyuko-sama.”
The half-phantom stood up slowly, hesitantly, as she was curious to Yukari's description.

When she was away, Yuyuko spoke up.
“She said you would be very hard to predict, very mysterious. But at the same time, you're supposed to be kind and approachable.”

After a moment of stunned silence.
“Now that's interesting. And I'm the one hard to predict?”
He chuckled.
“Ts. Sure.”

“Sooo ~”


Youmu came back with tea, cups and snacks.

“Oh, you even brought along extra cups and snacks! How thoughtful.”
Yuyuko clapped her hands in delight, tacking a rice cracker.
“But, Fa-bi-an-kun, what did Yukari tell you about me?”

He also took a cracker, along with a cup Youmu filled with hot green tea.
'Yuyuko is a glutton and a ditz. She could probably empty Gensokyo of all food thus causing many casualties. Even apart from that, she is incredibly strong and can inflict death on others at will. Although the regent of the Netherworld, she shows little care for such affairs.' Now, considering they've been friends for a millennium, what exactly does it mean that she praises me like that, while describing Yuyuko-san this way?
“... not much.”

“Ooooh! Yukari, that is sooo cold of you.”
She suddenly lunged onto Fabian's arm.


“Now, Fabi-kun, I have an important question.”
She snuggled against his arm while Youmu blushed profusely.
“Why doesn't my ability kill you?”

“Come again?”

“I tried to invite you to death five times now. Why doesn't it work?”

“So, that's your ability in action? Well, I beat more than one personified death, I guess I'm immune to instant-kills.”
He cast a glance at Youmu, whose face turned from blush to extreme pale.
Yukari didn't tell me that she'd try to kill me.

“Hoooo? Quite convenient, is it not?”

“I'm more concerned 'bout why you tried to kill me.”

Yuyuko hummed.

“No answer?”

“... There wasn't much of a reason.”

What a terrifying ditz.

“S-say, Fabian. I noticed something about your fighting style.”
Youmu attempted to change the topic. Rather forced.

“And what?”
He went along with her, mostly because he felt it was a waste of time to keep to Yuyuko's attempt to kill him.

“You... you never use both hands to grip your sword. Doesn't that take much more strength? It looks so heavy.”

“Oh good, you noticed. Well, when I started practicing, it was meant to increase my strength, so I'm used to doing it that way. Kind of stuck with me, and now people associate me with that. ”

“I see.”
She sipped her tea, silently contemplating something. Fabian then whistled once, clearly, and Ikarus came almost immediately.
He landed on Youmu's ghostly half, which had just silently floated around, not having participated in the past three hours of constant fighting. Now it panicked.

“Not nice, Ikarus.”
At his words, the bird hopped onto his shoulder.

“Ikarus? That's a cute name for a bird.”
Yuyuko came back from her humming.

“You're the first person to say that.”

“Really? I think calling a bird by the name of an unlucky child that drowned in the ocean when it tried to fly is a good idea.”

Ugh, it doesn't sound that nice hearing it. What a cruel ditz, to be so blatant.
He turned to Youmu.
“He's my pet and probably best friend as well.”

“Okay. Um, can I ask you another question to one of your techniques?”

“The paradox Style?”


“Good, I was waiting for the question. Seeing that Yukari actually gave you the notes I made... can I see them?”

Youmu jumped up, and with a hasty “Of course!”, she ran away.

“What a reaction time.”

“Well, well~ Youmu loses her calm veeery fast. She just does as told then.”

“Heeeee. Must be fun. Invites thousands of unreasonable demands.”


Youmu came back carrying five scrolls. She put them down beside Fabian, then sat down again. He took the first one and examined it.
“What dedication... Yukari.”
The scrolls were completely different from the notes he had given her, although a large amount of information was the same.
“I wonder as to why she faked them to look so old. Rather, why she had Ran fake them.”
He talked with himself.


“Well, what did you want to ask?”

“Oh, yes. What is the reason, that these cannot be used here, in the Netherworld?”

“You see, those attacks have the whole point of refuting reality. When we fought, we only used a part of that, namely the reality of your win being nigh-impossible. You refuted it and strengthened the chance for you to win, while I negated your attack. But if this is used carelessly at a place with as much spiritual energy as here, you could accidentally refute the idea of afterlife.”

Youmu grew pale again.
“Does that... does that mean I could destroy the Netherworld?!”

“Well... yeah. Is that reason sufficient?”
He chuckled at her expression of utter terror.
“Don't worry. You're close to consciously controlling it. But I wonder why Yukari didn't give you that information... Oh. That manipulative o...”

He was stopped from talking, as Chen tackled him – again – in the stomach, headfirst.

Too engrossed in his thoughts, Fabian didn't notice the gap that opened in front of him. Yukari walked through it, as Chen sat down in Fabian's lap.
“Do bring that thought to a close, my dear human friend.”

“You planned for Youmu to get into my ritual before I got the security up. When I gave you my notes, I had the plan standing and all. Another whim, Yukari?”

“Oh no, not at all. I simply thought I help Youmu develop her talent. And you are the best swordsman available.”

He sighed.
“I really hate it, when people play that game with me.”
Slowly, he put Chen down, much to her chagrin, then stood up. Spellcards appeared in his right hand.
“How 'bout it?”

She chuckled.
“Oh my, a challenge. Then, let's see how good you have become with Danmaku.”
Simultaneously, they soared up to the sky, taking positions to start their Spellcard Duel.

Youmu, Chen and even Yuyuko stared at the sudden turn of events, although Chen didn't seem as taken aback.
“Why are they fighting?”
Youmu asked, dumbfounded.

“I believe, I can explain.”
Out of the still open gap stepped another woman. She had yellow eyes and short blonde hair, wearing a two-tailed white hat decorated with amulets. Her clothes consisted of a white dress with distinctive blue print in front. More interesting were her nine golden fox tails. A sign of age, experience and power, as a tail stood for a hundred years of living. Ran Yakumo, Yukaris shikigami and Chens master. She looked up at the two, as they sent out waves of bullets against each other, dodging and grazing with little attention.
“Yukari-sama and Fabian-sama are both rather... sensible to being played with. Before Yukari-sama introduced him to the Spellcard Rules, they would fight for hours whenever one of them had just finished another scheme, using the other as a pawn in it. They rarely even mention it, just jump into the fight.”

“I see.”
Yuyuko resumed her humming.

Youmu watched the fight eagerly, seeing how both participants evaded even faster. Soon enough, Yukari declared her first Spellcard.

[Boundary “Mesh of Light and Darkness”]

Bullets shot out into two different directions, one direction blue,the other red. Their angles were rather random, but lasers spawned along one angle respectively, into every direction, trapping Fabian between. He slowly turned his head while dodging the bullets. Seeing the next wave begin, he moved into a certain spot, and as the lasers spawned again, differently this time, he was in a much larger area, grazing only five bullets.
“Not even half bad.”
He calmly raised his hand to start his own Spellcard.

[Lightning-Magic “Wicked Ordeal”]

A single, zigzagged line of red bullets appeared between them, the bullets of two sizes spread out into random directions. As the larger red bullets faded, the smaller white ones emitted new zigzags, announcing the next wave. Yukari continued dodging them, even when the larger bullets began to turn into even smaller ones than the others, which moved at different speeds.
“This card seems so... random.”
Youmu couldn't look away from it. Both dodged continuously.

“It probably is.”
Ran also sat down, and Chen jumped into her tails.
“Fabian-sama has a dangerous ability to use random patterns of attack for very effective hits. And there is always a bad surprise, should his enemies try to just hold out his barrage.”

“It... hurts a bit.”

“What does?”
Ran gave Youmu a confused look.

“When we fought... he used a rather simple Spellcard that just focused with pure speed on me. And he canceled it himself when I figured out the trick. He wasn't on his height, but I didn't realize how much he had been weakened.”
Her voice sounded strangely rough.

“That is true.”

Yukari's Spellcard ended, but Fabian still had a few seconds. Most of the smallest bullets were too far away to hit her, and they didn't change their direction anyway. She smiled cautiously, expecting the final attack. But then, in the last three seconds, every single bullet dissolved into a short white laser, all moving at her at once. Yukari tired to escape with a gap, but one of the lasers shot against it from the backside, electrocuting it and leaving Yukari at the mercy of every other bullet. She panicked slightly, but managed to find a single safe spot close to her. She was a bit too late. Although managing to avoid the first few, she fell prey to the myriad of attacks. The cloud of smoke generated almost reached Fabian, who was quite some distance away.
He said, the smile on his face not visible for the observers, but imaginable.
“worked more than well.”

A slightly ragged breathing became audible. Yukari emerged from a gap behind her opponent.
“How very devious, my young friend.”
A wave of bullets answered her, although she had no trouble avoiding them.
“Very, very unkind.”

“We're still fighting.”
He gave an indifferent reply, then teleported 20 meters away, continuing his attack.

Yukari answered with her own bullets.
“Yet you, oh great taunter of adversary, remain so silent? Did you mature?”
And snappy comments.

A smirk crossed his face.
“By no means. I simply thought I should try the silent fighter thing.”


“It doesn't suit me very well. The comments I keep back give me headaches, begging and demanding to be shared with the shabby world we all live in.”
Fabian breathed in deeply.
“Feels much better.”
His next expression was simple: Evil joy, as he readied his next card.

[Fatal Flaw “Hubris”]

“Oh my.”
Yukari quickly shortened the distance between them, as countless explosions occurred all around them. Each of them left several black bullets behind, which all moved either with changing speed or changing directions. As Yukari attacked him in an attempt to break this nearly unpredictable Spellcard, he moved away, smaller explosions following him. The situation became rather tricky, as the difference between the slowest and the fastest bullets widened, and the rate at which speed or direction changed also increased. All in all a very mean Spellcard. As an answer, Yukari slowly got serious. Small gaps appeared all around her, sucking up the bullets completely.

“That isn't all that fair.”
Fabian smiled with an sour expression.

“Hearing that from one of the most notorious of rule breaking humans. My, my. It seems I truly did it.”
She snickered audibly, then moved her parasol once, and all the bullets her gaps took in came at him from ever direction.

The situation from before reversed, and Fabian was now encased in a cloud of smoke, as his Spellcard broke.

“No time to rest.”
Yukari, still snickering held up her own card.

[Evil Spirits "Yukari Yakumo's Spiriting Away"]

His voice sounded no different from before, as six lasers shot out from Yukari's position, all in an angle of 60° to the next two. Whilst doing so, she also used butterfly bullets in perfect circles, and along three of the lasers, many bullets in all sizes, all colored in pink. Yukari herself disappeared. One of the lasers went into the smoke – exactly where Fabian should be. He however flew out of the cloud just then, grazing along the laser and bullets.

“Quite impressive, Fabian. Your sight is impressive as always, perceiving this.”
When Yukari reappeared, he already held his sword at her throat.

“Not my sight, but my sense for magic.”
He replied dryly.
“And this”
Red lightning shot through his sword, hitting her just before the next wave began and she disappeared again, while he still managed to dodge every bullet and laser.
“is the start of my retaliation.“

At her next appearance, Yukari's body was electrified. If she hadn't been using her border manipulation, it would have paralyzed her completely, barring any movement. Plus, due to appearing close to him again, Fabian landed another hit.
“A quite powerful retaliation. Is it not?”

He chuckled.
“Of course. How many Spellcards do you plan to use, by the way?”

“One more.”

An outright diabolic laughter came from him.
“Good, very good. Let's break your card then.”
For the next few waves of Yukari's Spellcard, Fabian repeated his attack, until the card broke.

“You nearly electrocuted me, dear Fabian.”

“Not that again.”

While the two of them bickered in between miscellaneous bullets, the four down at the mansion observed.
“I didn't know Fabian was this capable with lightning.”
Youmu was the most focused on it.

“Onii-chan is the best!”
Chen declared proudly, while still burying herself in Ran's tails.

“Fabian-sama is indeed one of the best Mages known to me. He is about Yukari-sama's level, and I wouldn't dare to make a suggestion on who would win in a fight to the death.”
She closed her eyes and her voice got much quieter.
“Even when we first met, he beat me in a regular fight.”

Youmu, who began to grasp the actual level of power the Mage had, could only stare at the fight.
“How is he so powerful?”

“I have wondered the same. I still do, as he always avoids giving an direct answer.”

Up in the fight:

“... And that's the reason I didn't 'nearly electrocute' you, but shocked you.”

“Your explanation contained five insults. You could have just said 'I used lightning to shock you, I didn't attack your nervous system as usual'. Instead of that.”

“For the fun of it.”

“I see. In that case, I believe I shall follow suit.”
Yukari raised her hand with the last Spellcard she would use.

[Barrier "Boundary of Life and Death"]

“You're joking.”
He facepalmed, his hand then went upwards through his hair, while he sighed.
The card normally began with small white petal bullets, coming from Yukari's position in spirals, with new bullets being added. This time however, All bullets started at once. Butterfly bullets, medium-sized bullets in blue and yellow, large red bullets and blue arrowheads, all in different angles and different speed.
“You gotta be kidding.”
Fabian evaded, but the bullets left barely any space. His last Spellcard was his solution.

[Human Way: Ultimate Soul-Taker's Lance Barrage]

“Oh my.”
Yukari and Ran said it simultaneously. Chen shrieked.
Translucent blue lances appeared all around them, roughly hundred. When a bullet hit one, it was reflected. They aimed at Yukari. Restricted in movement by her own Spellcard, she could hardly dodge the following wave of attacks. Even so, she continued her own barrage, which was mostly reflected back at her.
“What a cheap, rule breaking attack.”
Then Yukari was enveloped in a marine bluish blur. Followed by a cloud of smoke.

“It's my win. Any objections?”
Sitting on the veranda again, Chen sitting in his lap, Youmu and Ran flanking him, Fabian was sipping tea.

Yukari, sitting between Youmu and Yuyuko, smiled in spite of her response.
“You are such a terrible person, Fabian.”

“It seems nobody really gets that.”
Fabian was chuckling all the time.

“Onii-chan, you're so strong.”
Chen snuggled up against his chest.

“It stands 101 to 101 now, Yukari-sama, Fabian-sama.”

“You two fight quite often.”
Yuyuko, still sipping tea and eating crackers.

“Yukari showed me the Spellcard Rules.”
Fabian stroked Chen's head slowly.

Ran smiled softly.
“As you see, they are about equal.”
She saw Fabian eying her tails, causing a light chuckle.
“Of course, Fabian-sama.”
She moved her tails to his back, and he leaned against them, Ran supporting him that way.

“So comfortable.”

Youmu seemed to have a question. She fumbled in the same manner as before.
“Fabian, exactly how strong are you?”

He looked at her.
“Curious, eh? Well, if it's 'bout raw power, I can't think of many individuals to match me. Absorption on this level means a rapid growth without stop. The reason for me to have problems against some enemies would be... situational.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Yukari stopped him from answering.
“You have an appointment, don't you?”

“You're still spying on me.”
He looked at his right wrist, where he had a wristwatch specifically for that very appointment.
“Guess you're right. Damn, it's nice like this. I don't want to.”
Standing up nevertheless, Fabian began walking away.

Chen, occupying Ran's tails again, waved after him.

“That was rather abrupt.”
Yuyuko voiced her complaints.

“Do not worry. He is always like that, when he knows it will get less nice by going away. As for his reasons...” 
Yukari hid her face behind a fan.
“I fear I do not know.”

In hindsight, the past few fights lacked real action, so here is an attempt to change that. What do you think?
« Last Edit: June 09, 2013, 09:03:56 am by Forsaken by all »
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?


  • Nickname: LikesTouhou
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2013, 03:10:49 pm »
I read up to Chapter 10 so far. I'm hooked. AWESOME story, man. I'm reading the rest, but no, you're not forsaken. Maybe you should change the title, though...
My fanfics: Touhou Wrecks X!
What happens when Nue's in a pranky mood and at the same time, Yukari's bored? Pokemon XD: Impostor of Darkness
I made this cool matrixy eye:
  • My Let's Plays!

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #24 on: March 10, 2013, 10:27:18 am »
That comment is nice. Thanks for calling my story awesome. Maybe I should change the title. I'll think about it

Aside from that, this chapter took even longer than usual. Troublesome project at school. Ends after next week. But I won't make any promises on frequency. That could be hard.


Chapter 22:

Sreakin fixated the mirror. The all present dark obsidian reflected in it faded from his view, as did his own face. Only his eyes stayed within his focus. The same violet iris his father had, with the star-shaped pupils of his mother. He concentrated more, and even they faded. Instead, the faces of his brothers flashed by. He met none of them, but knew each and everyone's name. His thoughts transferred into the mirror, allowing him to see what they considered the wisest course.

Stronger than all others, his oldest brother's thoughts were painted onto the mirror.
KILL! Father's course is to be followed until the end!
He watched it for a long time, too absorbed to notice his least favorite cousins entering the room.

“What are you doing, 'cousin'?”
The three still spoke in unison, annoying to no end.

“What you could only dream of.”
He gave one of his stock responses, still focusing on the thoughts of his long gone brothers.
Death must occur. Only death can end the act that started.

“We see.”
That they managed to remain completely in the plural was amazingly useless, and probably time-consuming as well.

If it hadn't disrupted his connection to the mirror, he would have shook his head, or sighed theatrically.
“I doubt you do.”
You already know the course to take. Do the right thing.

“Mother wishes to see you. Now.”
They loved demanding things from him. He was not yet old enough to assume any direct control, but being the son of a Great Pillar that practically founded their equivalent of a clan held some... luxuries. Only in times like these, could they ever hope to be impolite towards him.

With a sigh, Sreakin broke the connection and turned towards them. And waited. And waited.
“You three do realize, that you should be heading out first?”
Their faces darkened considerably. It was a phrase – and tone – Fabian tended to use a lot. Whatever had to do with him, was upsetting them incredibly.

Their hissing more than proved the point, or would have, if he would need that.
“As you wish.”
As they turned around and walked away, Sreakin realized with an eerie feeling that they executed everything in perfect synchrony.

“People constantly tell me, that I'm the most normal one in the family, by human standards. Moments like this show me why that's a good thing.”
In unreal silence, he walked towards where his aunt should be around this time.

Fabian slowly savored the time before he had to go to a place he despised. He walked down the Netherworld's stairway, taking in his surroundings with disturbing accuracy. Clouds, all a carefree white, drifted around lazily. Fairies flew around, playing danmaku constantly with each other as they got close. It was nice. Calm.
He stopped walking and gazed back towards the Netherworld. How easy it would be, to just turn around sit down with them again, being content with everything.
But I can't.
Sighing heavier than ever since arriving in Gensokyo, the Mage strolled down the stairs.

Deliberately slowing his steps, he reached the end, still too fast for his tastes. They ended a good deal over the ground. Descending as slow as he could, Fabian automatically looked towards where his portal had been. He wondered slightly how Derok and Cea were doing. The king was probably pondering Fabian's decision to desert, and the swordswoman would be eager to fight him. A small chuckle, barely audible, snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned towards it immediately, but nobody was there. The chuckling came from behind him this time, directly over his shoulder. With  reflexes honed by years of danger, the Mage spun around, small nets of energy in between his fingers, expanding with the motion of his arms being raised, one to waist-level the other above his head. The person – a girl, judging from the voice – jumped back in a blur of dull yellow and light green.
“Wooow~ You're good.”
She – it really was a girl –  avoided the nets that shot out from his hands.

“You're not too shabby, either.”
That attack was specifically meant to catch opponents you couldn't see. He was a bit amazed at someone just avoiding it.

She wore a yellow shirt and a green skirt, the colors he saw before. The shirt had buttons in the shape of diamonds, and a dark green collar. A flower pattern adorned her skirt. Her short hair seemed to be a mix between gray and green, while her eyes were a dark green, fixing on him with an dreamy stare. More interesting was the closed dark blue eye hovering in front of her heart. Violet cords wrapped around her body loosely, attaching the eye to her ankles.

Yukari told me 'bout Satori Youkai look like that.
He frowned. Her eye didn't open, and as his thoughts already drifted away, so did her presence. His frown intensified, until he felt a familiar twitch in his right index finger. That was a specific warning he conditioned his body and mind to occur, should something try to influence any of his senses beyond natural effects.
Some manipulation, he.
“You're... a Satori, right?”

“Yeah. But I won't read your mind, don't worry.”

“What's your name?”

“Koishi Komeiji. And you?”

“Fabian Drotarin.”

“Fabi~ Have you seen something?”

It's slightly disturbing, that three people around here call me by a nickname. And after barely acquainting them, too.
“Something... What?”

“Just something. Oh well...”
Koishi hummed and began floating up the stairs.

Aaaand all three of them are as weird as they get. Not to mention two are dead. Great, really great what kinda acquaintances I make. Good grief.
He made his way down to the ground, descending in absence of any sound.
A hat flew around. Catching it, Fabian looked at the yellow ribbon around it. The same color as that Koishi's shirt. Against his will, he was reminded of the hat he lost in his confrontation with the girls.
“You will be missed... Hat number 24. Of the year.”
He wasn't quite ready for a new hat.

Strolling towards his tower, the Mage kept the hat, he assumed to belong to Koishi, stowing it into his coat. Walking slowly, he deliberately avoided thinking about what he would do, instead contemplating the people he met.

Reimu Hakurei. Shrine Maiden, tasked with watching the great Hakurei border, allowing Gensokyo to continue existing. Lazy with training, but has considerable ability. Aloof and apathetic, but strangely agitated by donations to her shrine. Worships a very odd god.

Marisa Kirisame. Human Magician in the Forest of Magic, apparently without any clear occupation. Actively trains at an ordinary rate, considering the rises of power in the time frames between we meet. Outgoing and friendly, seems to be a kleptomaniac with shady excuses. I have to get a good guard fast.

Youmu Konpaku. Half-human half-phantom gardener and proficient swordswoman at Hakugyokurou. Guess it's quite the workload. She's the granddaughter of Youki Konpaku. Ready to go through my training course, which tells quite much 'bout her readiness to improve. Seems a bit daunted at me though .

He interrupted himself to see where he was actually, to discover that he entered the Forest of Magic already.
Damn, I shouldn't get lost in thoughts that much. I always walk faster when it happens.
Reducing his speed, the reluctant Mage strolled towards his own tower. Needless to say, he absolutely didn't want to do what he was about to do. But he got closer and closer to his destination, whilst resuming to think about the girls of Gensokyo.

Mima... no last name given. Some sort of deceased soul, though hard to pinpoint, that 'lives' at the Hakurei Shrine, faint rests of a seal remaining on her and a severed connection to the shrine. Has more power than she shows. Whimsical, it would seem. Killed by a female Craeiran. There's a lot more to that woman than she let's on, even with that.

Youkai were all around him. They kept their distance however, since the amount power he allowed to seep out scared them. Their reaction earned a chuckle that was sheer condescending arrogance.

Alice Margatroid. Youkai Magician in the Forest of Magic, puppeteer. Human that somehow entered Makai and became a Youkai. Adopted daughter of the creation goddess Shinki. Rather powerful. Something's odd. Her behavior seems to be an act, but I wonder as to why. Or what.

His musings were cut short by the appearance of a black and white clothed Magician.
“Hey, ze! Fabian!”
She swooped down on her broom, stopping before him.


“What's up, ze?”
She asked, since he didn't say anything.

“Nothing nice.”
With this vague response, he walked past her, getting in sight of his tower.

“What? What'cha mean, ze?”
But she followed him.


“Doesn't concern you.”

“Alright. Lend me a book, ze.”


Marisa got before him and gave him a long, strangely distraught look.

He sighed.
“You already have one.”

“How many do you have, ze? Can't you just give me some more?”

“First: More than I care to count. Second: Get my trust on that matter, and we'll talk 'bout it.”
Fabian felt his headache rising to a notable level when he sensed a very unpleasant person waiting for him at his home's entrance. And yes, there she was. Keine Kamishirisawa had decided to disturb his hard earned peace even more. Not that there was much left to disturb. She was accompanied by another young-looking woman. Young-looking, because she had much more power than a human should have, while being one. And it circulated in a way decidedly too odd.

“It's Keine-Sensei and her friend, ze. You know what they want?”

“Maybe. Who's her friend?”

Marisa sorted her thoughts. It was visible in how she folded her arms and tilted her head to the side, while still sitting on her broom, which lazily moved beside him.
“Fujiwara no Mokou, I think, ze. Kinda weird. She doesn't really leave the bamboo forest. They call her the Immortal Phoenix.”

“Immortal as in persistent, or... well immortal?”

Mokou herself said. They got in hearing range.

The flat tone of his voice made clear for everyone how he meant it.
“What do you two want?”

“Well, I wanted to talk, Drotarin-san.”
Keine didn't smile.

“'Talk', you say. Why does it feel like this will take a different course?”

“Depends on you.”
And the phoenix-girl immediately stepped in.

“Of course it does. When doesn't it?”
He shook his head.
“Listen, I'm not in the mood for my playing around. Fact is, I gotta do something pretty nasty in the next few hours. Another fact is, I've a pretty short fuse now. So, I suggest you do this another day, when I'm not angry already. Get it?”

Keine was the first to react.
“Simply tell us what you want.”

“What I want? Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience. The latter is hardly an option for me, though.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh, you didn't notice the cynicism in my voice? Fascinating.”

She just gave him a hard look, which he took with a widening smile.

“Give me a reason to tell you.”
At this point, he stood at his tower's gate, Marisa still hovering at his side.

“I'll polish your face if you don't?”
Mokou gave him a really angry glare, enough to make him want to yawn. The situation affected his tolerance and humor badly.

“You're welcome to try.”
Fabian didn't miss the cautious gaze Keine gave her friend. Said friend barely stopped herself from attacking him. Fire even sizzled between her fingers.
A fire-user. From the consistence of the flames, it's not quite ordinary, though. Phoenix... Weird.

Mokou snorted.
“Like you're worth it.”

“Oh, how worth I'm of what isn't a question at all. But I'll just postpone this discussion, seeing that I don't really want to waste my time on people with such an aggressive demeanor.”
Saying it, the Mage simply turned around, opened the large, imposing gates of his home by snapping his fingers, and was gone in a few seconds.

Stunned at this sudden change of events, Keine turned to Marisa.
“What do you know about him?”

Marisa looked at the now closed gates, scratching her head.
“Huh? Well.. He did some super-advanced and super-complicated ritual to reflect Gensokyo's life-force on another world, got really hurt, spent time at Byakuren's and ended up as my neighbor with some reeeaaallyyyy interesting books, ze.”
After that sentence, she took a deep breath.

He did what?
The teacher shook her head.
“That sounds unbelievably dangerous. What was he thinking?”

“Guess it was do or die, ze. Sounded that way when he explained it.”

“Marisa, don't you think that boy is dangerous?”

“I kinda like him. Though he sounds like a real bigmouth sometimes, ze.”

“Alright, that guy gives me the creeps.”
Mokou suddenly declared.
“I mean, ritual? Wears black? Didn't even care for me being, I don't know, immortal? Creepy.”

Marisa glared at Mokou.
“Same for me, ze. I do rituals, wear black and... ah, okay I'm kinda curious about all the immortality stuff, ze. But, two outta three, ze.”


Keine stepped in.
“Stop it you two! I am worried about him. He seems like trouble.”

“And a young witch, a not quite human creature and an immortal girl are not. Such an intriguing logic.”
The voice, deep and spiteful, came from behind her. As Keine spun around, she looked directly into golden eyes without pupils.
“Yet, I do not understand it. Enlighten me, young one.”
She took a step back.
“Please, I wish you no harm... yet.”
His chuckle was sinister.

“Who are you?”

“Thar, familiar of Fabian Drotarin.”
He gave a perfect, gentlemanly bow, but it didn't change the fact that he was threatening. His sheer presence filled Keine with a new sense of dread. The fishing rod in his one hand, and the bucket with fish in the other didn't change that.

And who would go fishing in those clothes?
In spite of the many occurrences around her, Keine preserved herself an amount of common sense. Which only seemed to deepen her confusion.

“Will you now enlighten me as to your logic, dear half-human?”
Thar gave himself as patient and polite.

“Why do you care?”
Knowing how pointless her question was, seeing he introduced himself as the familiar of the person she found so suspicious. But the teacher needed time for the answer.

Apparently, that was obvious to him.
“If you need to think about your answer, you may wait here until I stored my prey. How would that sound?”

All of a sudden, Marisa made herself audible again.
“Hey, hey, hey, ze. Can you get me inside? I really wanna see that guy's library, ze.”

“Would you now?”
With slow steps, he walked past Keine towards the gates, which opened at his rod touching the ground once.
“Well, you will have to keep to the areas where I or... others have an eye on you. And should you try and take something, you will be banned.”

“Sounds like you have some strict rules, ze.”

“Drotarin-business-rules. Yes, my master's foster-father made them quite thorough. But they work.”
The two just continued, as if Keine and Mokou weren't even there. The gates closed behind them.

“What did just happen...?”

“Dunno, but I feel kinda insulted.”
Mokou took a cigarette out of a pocket and lighted it with a snap of her fingers. Keine didn't approve of this habit, but her friend was of the more stubborn kind. Both were surprised when the lighted cigarette imploded in the immortal's hands.
“What...? Alright, this gets really creepy.”

“Let's... Just go back. I have a feeling, that we won't be able to talk to anyone from this tower, at this point.”
With a nod, Mokou turned around, and the two walked towards the Human Village.
I heavily doubt that the familiar will really return.

On the eleventh floor of the the Mage's tower, were arrays of portals. Unlike Yukari, Fabian couldn't manipulate borders to move around. While he had the ability to move between the worlds, that process involved too much to bother with for visits below a month. It meant he had to rely on either her, or those gateways. With the current problem being his sole responsibility, he didn't see a reason to ask another conniving mastermind to get involved. Thus, he stood before the portal to that place.
“Damn it all. Damn him. Why me, anyway?”
Thin threads of magic wiggled around him, along the ground into the large, spiky archway made of tree fossils.
“He couldn't do it in any other way could he? No, not a chance. 'Tradition' and 'truth'. All he ever cared 'bout.”
Rambling in a disdainful voice, Fabian watched the portal, as it's blue vortex activated. Not wasting any more time, he stepped through it. With a short flash of light, the room was devoid of life.

Yukari watched as the portal distorted a dozen boundaries at once, albeit only for a split second. Shortly after Fabian left, so did she. With a uncharacteristic level of curiosity, she observed his actions.
“What do you hide?”
Even the Youkai of Borders had to be careful with him. Student to the best of the best. Killer of those who do not know death. Only a utter fool would not be, with somebody who possesses these titles. While friends, and trusting, they both loved playing each other for their plans.
“Well then. Not to forget Ray's mention of your eyes. Some ocular ability I am not aware of?”
She watched his progress through the various portal marks he continuously created. But then, he was gone.
“What...?...! Fabian, you... Here I wondered why he didn't ask me for help. So there is a way to slip past my vision for him.”
Yukari, slightly infuriated at this, turned from the heptagon of eyes that had provided her the necessary perspective.
“What a conniving youth. I keep forgetting how much he loves this game.”

Stepping through the 30th and final portal, Fabian gazed upon an ashen wasteland. Everything was covered in old ashes, at least three centimeters high.
“Still the same lovely scenery.”
He began walking down the hill he stood on, into the eternally stretching lands. Those who didn't know would search for it fruitlessly. The place was constructed that way.
After about 15 minutes, he stopped and looked down. Bowing down with red wisps of Magic flowing around him, he reached through the ash. As the Mage touched the ground with his right hand, a purple seal appeared just where his left hand stopped. In said hand, the Sun-Shredder materialized. It pierced the seal, and in the next moment, Fabian disappeared in a pillar of green light.
When he opened his eyes – wisely closed in expectation of the light – he stood in the crypt seen yesterday. With it being just three small rooms, there wasn't much to see. They were connected by short hallways, and formed a triangle.

“Even more lovely. Surrounded by nothing but cold, loveless stone and dust... and a corpse.”
The sarcophagus was before him. But Fabian ignored it and walked through the hallway to his left. The room to the right was empty, it's artifact clutched in his hand. Sun-Shredder glowed with a sky-blue color, which – together with the dim blue glow of his eyes – served as the only light source. That changed when he entered the room.
Only a single thing was different from the other room. Instead of a sarcophagus, it contained a long white table, on top of which lied another katana. The tsuba showed a stylized moon, the blade was of a deep, intensive red.
No emotion could be heard from his voice. The indifference proven now, that he was about to reunite these twins of sun and moon, would upset all who knew the weapons.

“How much I hate you.”
Talking to the blade, Fabian slowly put his right hand onto it's handle.
“You caused a load of problems for me. The late master entrusted me with you. Both of you. Told me to take care of you, make sure you don't cause any trouble. Worst is, he told me the moment I ended the final strike of our fight. Means I couldn't really refuse. Not him. I hate you. But I'll have to do the usual, I guess.”
With that, he closed his eyes and grabbed the katana. His face showed many emotions. Contempt, confusion, resignation and regret. Fabian crossed the twins, perfect doubles of form, before his chest.

Then his eyes opened and the expression on his face showed nothing, with the flames not just flickering. Their gray was now a faint purple hue, the eyes burning strong enough to leave barely any space in his eyes' center.
“Let's see what they have in store for me.”
With a large, black explosion, he was gone, two rooms of the crypt collapsing. In the third room, the dust atop the sarcophagus  moved ever so slightly due to the shockwave. The faint symbol beneath it became visible for the first time since the crypt started to serve it's purpose. A snake biting itself, pierced by three swords. It's eye glowed in a sick tone of green.

Sreakin stood at the large doors that lead to the room she was in. He prepared for the expected verbal attacks, and took deep breaths. As the doors opened, he stepped through them.
“What do you want?”

“The cursed Eyes of Humanity.”
She sounded more resolute than ever.


“You know him better. The two of you were as close as brothers.”

“He still feels like one to me.”
Sreakin couldn't see her. The room – more of a chamber – was dark. Not even her usually shining eyes could be seen. It meant she had them closed, which was very unlike her.

“You alluded to that before. My question is”
The direction from where her voice came changed.
“why? He killed your father.”

Sreakin only shrugged, even as he heard her from directly beside him.
“Father's training almost killed me on a daily basis. Does the difference mean so much to you?”

“OF COURSE IT DOES! Even the cursed Eyes of Humanity understands it better than you!”

“Maybe he does.”
The younger one whispered.
“But we're both avoiding the point.”

Her eyes opened directly before him.
“You know him best. You can outmaneuver him.”

“Funny idea. No, I can't. Fabian is much better than me.”

“With the appropriate means...”

He shrugged, while she smiled maliciously.

It's really time for the story to progress. That's what should start next.

On a  side note, the fight Fabian against Yukari before:
They weren't serious, and didn't quite keep to the Spellcard Rules. Fabian's last Spellcard was a crazy Last Word that you can't beat if you're not as lucky as Tewi. It's a completely overpowered card nobody, who sticks to the rules, would use. 
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?


  • Nickname: LikesTouhou
Re: My first fanfic
« Reply #25 on: March 18, 2013, 11:06:15 pm »
LOVING THIS! Seriously, more people would look at it but for the title. IT IS AMAZING!
My fanfics: Touhou Wrecks X!
What happens when Nue's in a pranky mood and at the same time, Yukari's bored? Pokemon XD: Impostor of Darkness
I made this cool matrixy eye:
  • My Let's Plays!

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: Traveler of Inner Wishes
« Reply #26 on: April 15, 2013, 05:19:31 pm »
Yes, changed the thread's title. I took the advice, thanks for it, by the way. I'm really appreciating.

One thing: There's a bit of profanity at the end. Should it stay that way? Is it bad? Just a test, tell me what you think (about the whole story).

Chapter 23:

The Traveler emerged through the same portal he used to start. With a sour expression, he walked to the eighth floor, where the main kitchen was. Unsurprisingly, Thar was there, sitting at a desk. The dragon calmly watched as Larina prepared some salmon in Thar's favorite way. Coated in sugar and iron rasps. Fabian shivered at that. It was almost as bad as Torek's cooking. Sadly, the latter was worse.
“Ah, the young master has returned.”
Thar gave him a nod. Larina didn't react, but she did tend to immerse herself in whatever task she had. It made her efficient.

“Mhm. Have the damn thing.”

Another nod.
“I am most aware you do not like the blade, even if your reason is something I do not comprehend. Yet you said yourself that the twins belong together.”

“That was a different pair of twins.”

“No matter it is. I have seen many a pair of twins and that comment has always been accurate.”
The unnecessarily complicated pattern of his speech indicated unrest, or at least disdain.

“What happened?”

“I met that one teacher from the Human Village, I was informed of. After a short conversation, I wished to bring my prey inside. When I returned, she was gone. I consider that highly unpleasant.”

“Knowing you, you didn't give much reason to believe you'd go back.”

“The human evaluation system still eludes me.”

“Well, you're not just some older-than-stone dragon.”

“I dislike the tone of your voice, M'lord.”
“You know I don't care.”
Fabian turned away with this dry comment and went up to the thirteenth floor.

This one was different from the others. All of them had one stand in a long hallway, furnished in dark colors. This one was a very small room, lacking all ornaments. Cold stone was all there was in here, with just a single door and the stairs existing to break the dull scene. The next room had a single light blue carpet. After that, there was a giant chamber filled with every item even remotely possible to be needed for a Mage's research.
Nobody but Fabian himself could get past the second room. This place was possibly the only location where nobody could bother him.
I hate this sword. But since I've it here, might as well analyze it.
With a sigh that was somewhere between exasperation and curiosity, he got to work.

Mononobe no Futo considered herself dutiful. She was ready to do many things for Miko. Even if she didn't understand the reason, as now. Her current duty, was to find Fabian Drotarin, the Mage, and bring him to Miko.
“Yet I wonder why you would have me fetch him for you. Taishi-sama, why have you not told me your reason?”
She talked to the air. While strolling through the Forest of Magic, having no idea of where she could find him. Futo didn't even know he lived in a tower.
Miko's reason for this really seemed rather hard to grasp.
And so, Futo simply walked through the forest as she felt like. Miraculously, she avoided the tower, as well as Marisa's and Alice's respective homes.

In late afternoon, Byakuren, having finished all duties at the temple, found herself with some free time. Nobody needed any attention, no problems came around, no disputes were to settle. She had no duty right now. Oddly enough, there really was some free time by pure coincidence.
I suppose I will simply meditate more than usual.
The Monk/Magician made her way to her own room within the temple. But just as she sat down, someone knocked on her door.
Strangely, I am not too surprised by that.
“Come in.”

Ichirin did so.
“Nee-san, Seiga Kaku...”

A hole opened in the wall opposite of the door. Said hermit looked at her through it.
“Hello there, Hijiri-dono.”

I know it isn't right, but this woman always unsettles me.
In spite of that, she gave her a warm smile.
“Kaku-dono. Is there a reason for you to come here?”

“Yes, in fact there are two.”
Seiga propped her arms up in the edge of the circular gap, twirling her hair stick in the right hand.
“Both questions, which I would like you to answer.”

“Why did you just come through the walls?!”
Ichirin burst out after some stunned silence on her part.
“Nee-san would have talked to you either way.”

“Ahaha. Old habits die hard.”
The answer was accompanied by a fake ashamed smile.

“Whatever be the case, what do you want to ask?”

“Of course. First: Did you build your temple to prevent Miko's resurrection?”

The answer was simple, neither hasty nor hesitant.

“I see.”
Seiga was silent for a second, then spoke up again.
“My other question: What do you think of Fabian Drotarin? You had more of an opportunity to form an opinion.”

This time, Byakuren took some time for her answer.
Has something happened that she is so interested in him? But, I don't have anything to hide.
“He is a very complicated individual.”

“What do you mean?”

“I will not tell you about his past, even if I don't know much. But he is a good person. His self-depreciation shows how hard he had it. But Fabian declines any help. I'm amazed at how he stayed a human, yet gaining so much power.”


“Yes, Fabian could have become a Youkai, or even Demon easily enough.”
That is more strength than what I possessed in his stead.

“And in terms of power? Could he fight on par with you?”

Byakuren's smile brightened.
“Dear me, I could never beat him.”

Seiga's own smile was replaced by shock.

“In a severely weakened state, he fought against Reimu-san, Marisa, Sanae-san and me. Also, I was taken out of the fight quickly, even if Sanae-san helped me escape the seals. Only because the ritual Fabian worked on drained him further and Youmu-san's attacked so timely, were we able to win. I do believe that not a single person I know could stand up to him.”

“Fabian Drotarin... Such strength. Thank you for answering, Hijiri-dono.”
With those words, Seiga walked away, closing the hole.


“Nee-san, was it really alright to tell her?”

“Yes. Fabian told me I could choose what I tell others about him, should someone ask.”

“I mean, do you really trust her?”

Byakuren gave a short giggle.
“Don't worry, Ichirin. Is there something else?”

“Ah, no. I need to go anyway. Excuse me.”

“Of course.”
As Ichirin resumed her duties, Byakuren started her meditation. There was much to think about.

Seiga was floating on her cloth as usual, thinking about the human that piqued her curiosity. She didn't even know the real reason for her interest. But something about him was off. Having nothing better to do, she set out to ask people about him. Most average humans were not aware of his presence.
A few had seen a young man with bandages, blue eyes and blue clothes at Myourenji, in the time before the confrontation with Goares Cra-ales. Only his unique eyes made him identifiable.
It would be intriguing to hear how he became so strong, but what would he tell me...
Seiga spotted the teacher, Keine Kamishirisawa at the edge of the Human Village.

“Why, hello there, Sensei.”
She was polite enough.

“Oh no, it's the thief-hermit.”
The teacher was visibly unhappy, when she turned around to see who greeted her.
“What do you want to steal this time?”

“How rude of you. I did that only once. Compared to that kleptomaniac witch, I'm hardly bad.”

Keine turned back to the person she had talked to previously.

“Aaaah? If it isn't the green Salre, that threatened us in such a kind tone.”

She floated closer to him.
“What's the matter with you?”

“I was wondering about just what you are.”

“A soul in an artificial body.”

Both woman were shocked at this admittance. Seiga emerged from that faster.
“Is that not a piece of information? But you were rather secretive when we last talked, Salre-kun.”

“My name is Torek. And when the information concerns me more than the boss, then it's my choice whom I tell what.”

At that point, Keine also recovered.
“Did he enslave you? How cruel...”



“The boss gave me a choice. This, or what I had before.”

“Before wasn't very thrilling then?”

“No. Eternal torment so cruel it washes away your memory, while preserving your sanity and consciousness is far from thrilling. And before you get to some conclusions,”
He shot Keine a cold glare.
“you should know it wasn't in his ability to just kill me. Back then.”

“That manner of speech was a lot like your master's.”

“Yes, I have my moments. Usually, when around people to be cautious of.”

Seiga suppressed a giggle.
“Indeed. Be very cautious of us.”

“Well, I have a job to take care of. It was a pleasure.”
And the Salre walked away.

“Would you mind if I ask you something, Sensei?”

“What is it?”

“What do you think about Fabian Drotarin?”
The hermit certainly didn't expect to see the half-human clench her jaw.
“Nothing good?”

“No. I don't understand a thing about him and all I hear makes me more anxious.”

“... Thanks for telling me.”
And she floated away again.

Sreakin prepared the ghouls as best as he could. Mindless husks of necromancy that sucked out life-force weren't his first choice to attack Fabian. Pitting absorbers against him guaranteed his victory. But they would serve their purpose.
The stench of their rotting flesh, sometimes gone far enough to see the bones, was hard to endure. He had a delicate sense of smell.
“This is what my aunt considers 'appropriate means'. They won't stand for long.”

“Why use them?”
And the creepy trio in his back attacked his nerves with pointless antics.

“I have to start somehow. And those won't be missed. Frankly, I didn't know she was proficient in necromancy.”


Even sounds like that are timed. Why?
He kept his thoughts to himself. They were annoying enough without encouragement.
“You three go with us in the final attack. It won't take as long as usual. We have to take him by surprise, and a schedule unlike the usual is a good measure.”

“Yes, cousin.”
Sreakin knew they wouldn't dispute any really important orders. After all, he was an established tactical master.
The catch: Fabian was about thrice as good.
One wrong step, and vengeance was impossible for his aunt.

“Alright. They'll move out tomorrow. Immediately the next day, we'll send the next group, significantly stronger it'll be. The very same day, another troop, larger, will go as well. Finally, the day after tomorrow, we go and attack him.”

“But cousin, wouldn't an even fast rush be better?”

“Not here. He has mass-destructive attacks. It would be beneficial if he used it early on. Even someone like Fabian can be exhausted by the repeated attacks. Don't forget that our usual style of fighting is, unless we're at open war, leaving long gaps between our attacks to preserve resources. That isn't very effective on an individual that likes the same strategy.”

“We see.”

After that, Sreakin returned to his own quarters, instead of the dark, dry and unnecessarily large dungeons beneath the castle. His other aunt was waiting before them.
“Make sure we don't regret ditching numbers in favor of your mind.”

“Yes. I know what to do.”

“I dearly hope so.”

“I'm not the one with questions on it.”

“That I know.”

Srekin frowned at her.
“What do you want to say?”

“Where are your loyalties?”

“Didn't I say it before? Blood is thicker than water.”

“Say it clearly.”

“My loyalties lie with my family.”

She looked at him long and hard, all five eyes staring without a blink.
And the woman walked away, no emotion on her face about the answer.

“Yes, my entire family is either scary or weird, sometimes both. Looks like I lost the bet. What would he say in my stead? Probably... 'Damn'.”

Ray crashed right through the old wall of wood that once held a roof. The creature stalked him slowly, waiting for his movements.
This wasn't what he expected.
“Oh shit.”
He swore with a groan.
“Hey, Yukari!”
Standing up with his spear pointed at his enemy, he yelled at the one responsible, who had the nerve to sit on a gap out of reach and drink wine.

“Yes, dear holy Mage?”

“Why do you allow this thing to keep trashing me?!”

“Why, you don't like an enemy like this?”

“Why am I fighting in the first place?! You dropped me down here on a freaking whim! Aniki's right to call you old hag!”
Unfortunately for him, Ray didn't notice the vein that bulged on the insulted Youkai's forehead.
“Get me outta here, granny!”

Poor guy. It was nice knowing him.

Aforementioned vein only calmed after three dozen more of the creature that thrashed him around fell out of gaps. As far as their rather inexpressive faces could show irritation, they did.
“No way. More of those? They've a damn magic resistance.”
The source of his problems was, that this brand of creature had high magic resistance and extremely though skin. They didn't look like it. Pale, ugly things with small, dirty yellow eyes and grotesquely large mouths, no nose and weird body proportions. Their heads were about twice as large as a human's, but the rest of their body slim, looking almost frail. Torso and limbs all measured over two meters at least.
The main problem was, that they offset his fighting style, mostly consisting of spells and stabs, just by nature.

“Well, I have an appointment to keep to. Tata.”

“Gap hag! Stop fucking kidding me!”
Ray only turned to profanity when someone who was not in his family was screwing with him. That was due to his older sister not liking it, his older brother giving him death stares and the threat both made, should their younger sister ever hear those words from him.
“Get down here, yaya!”
But the youkai just snickered and disappeared in the gap that had been her seat before. With more curses in four different languages, the radical saint turned to the many creatures that are were all superior to him in one on one fights already.

« Last Edit: April 15, 2013, 05:45:15 pm by Forsaken by all »
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: Traveler of Inner Wishes
« Reply #27 on: June 08, 2013, 10:14:37 pm »
Yes, I finally got around continuing. My life really turned for a worse lately, which isn't much of a help with writing. But I'll deal with it, somehow.

This chapter seems kinda short compared to the other recent one, or is that just me?

Chapter 24:

Fabian woke up with a yawn, and a feeling of slight disorientation. He wasn't lying in his bed. He was sitting at a desk on the thirteenth floor, the Moon-Piercer before him. It's red glow was menacing.
Not quite the sight I'd like to wake up to.
With a growl, he stood up and grabbed the blade, making it disappear again. Then the Mage walked down into the kitchen.

“Hello there! Oh...”
Larina's energetic greeting and beaming smile waned somewhat at his expression.
“Rough night? I'll prepare some stronger coffee.”


“Breakfast's on the table in the dining room.”
She stopped herself from whistling, at least until he had enough coffee.

She does a great job reading the mood. When she's not focused on something.
He sat down, only making grumbling sounds. That was when he noticed that he wasn't wearing his coat.

“Still not a morning person, are we?”
Yukari appeared, right in a seat to his right. The table was large enough for 10 people to sit and eat at.

Great. Just what I needed.

“So, I heard you called me an old hag in front of your brother.”


“Why would you do that? What did I do.”

Fabian mumbled something like “I was stating facts” and just started eating.

“So very cold. Your brother is fighting those ugly mage-eaters, by the way.”

And the Traveler sighed.
“Yukari, what do you want?”

“What makes you call me old hag?”
She actually looked at him accusingly.

Whatever reaction she hoped for, she didn't get it. He just continued eating. Larina came in a few minutes later, carrying a tray with a coffeepot and a cup. As soon as the Salre put it down, Fabian took the cup and she filled it. After he downed the steaming hot fluid, the Mage finally turned to Yukari again.
“I'm a blunt person. Unless I see a pressing reason, I'll tell the truth without twists of whatever kind. Here I thought you already knew that.”

“Is this one of those cases?”

“What do you think?”
He resumed eating.

The Youkai tried to change the direction of their talk. Fabian was not in the mood for games.
“... It seems that you don't particularly care for your brother.”

“You still don't know me after all.”

“Oh-ho? What makes you say that?”

He grabbed a croissant.
“As if someone from my family would be done in by some run-of-the-mill monster.”

Yukari traced the chain-like marks on his arm with a finger.
“Such trust. I don't quite understand it.”

“How would you?”
Her eyebrows shot up at that.
“After all, as you love telling me, you're not human.”

“Using my own argument against me... What do you want?”

“I've been hearing that way too often. Is it that hard to believe, that I want some peace?”
In spite of his flippant tone, Yukari hesitated, knowing the answer.
“Pfff. You make things harder than they are. As usual.”

“Are you done making fun of me?”


“Hmph. You...!”
The Youkai twitched, but not because of him.

“Quite surprising. Well, time to act.”
They both stood up.
“What? You going with me?”
Need to get my coat from the lab.

“Of course. We are hardly finished.”

Keine was currently teaching the children in school. Up to now, she didn't have to headbutt any of them. That was a good thing, especially in this class. The current subject was unique, though. Some parents recently approached her to teach them more about the danger of the various Youkai of Gensokyo. Keine didn't need to be convinced. Currently, she was talking about Kappa.
“... so Kappa are very dangerous. They often drown Humans passing by rivers. They mostly live close to the Youkai Mountain though, so it's easy to avoid them. Any questions?”
One student raised his arm.
“Yes, Takumi-kun?”

“Ehm, Sensei I met a Kappa once. She was really shy and ran away fast.”

“Well, most Kappa are shy. But they are still dangerous.”
The teacher had been hard pressed to explain it without scaring her six to eight years old pupils too much.
Just when she wanted to continue, someone knocked at the door.
“Yes, come in.”
Everyone turned towards the door.

The young man, in his early twenties, barely restrained himself from getting loud.
“Sensei, we need your help. Immediately.”

“Will it take long?”

He fumbled around.

What is it now? At any rate, I have to help.
“Let's go, then.”
She briskly walked out of the door, with the man trailing behind her. After calling someone to supervise her pupils, she walked out of the school. That's when her expression changed to show her growing worry.
“What is it?”

“You better see for yourself...”
Keine followed him to the outskirts of the village, some villagers already there. And she saw.
There were about five dozen. Their flesh was rotten to various degrees, occasionally to the bone. It would be a wonder if nobody smelled the disgustingly sweet smell they emitted.

“How did they come here? What do they want?”
Both slowed down, halting completely when they could look the creatures' eyes. The absolute emptiness, the void she saw represented in them, took her breath away.

“Nobody knows. Good thing the children are all in school, but everybody's nervous.”

“The way they stand”
An older man chimed in.
“is weird. Too disciplined. You know what they're?”

The half-human began gnawing on her thumb. The undead stood in line, not moving at all.
“This is urgent. We can't have them stay here...”

Just then, a small fairy landed between her and them, turned towards the undead.
She wore a dark blue dress over a white blouse, and a large ribbon, in the same color as her dress, adorned her pale blue hair. Her icicle wings made this girl unmistakable. Cirno, the Fairy of Ice.
“Hey! You ugly guys, what do you want here?!”

As loud as ever.
Keine mentally sighed, in spite of the potentially serious situation.

The fairy still shouted at the creatures, all of which ignored her. Their empty eyes had no focus at all.

“Pfff. What's up with you?”
One of them walked forward.

No, not one of them.
It was a man. Unhealthily pale, but alive. The dirty gray cloak draped around his shoulders hid his body's form, but his face had an angry look. His eyes were a pale green.

“Me? I'm Cirno, and I AM THE STRONGEST!”

“The strongest?”
He scoffed.
“Yeah, go play with dolls, or something. I've gotta commit some righteousness.”

Keine couldn't quite see the fairy's reaction, but imagined that the launched icicle was accompanied by her sticking out her tongue. It was an expression she liked to make.
“Shut up!”

The man avoided the attack, snorting.
“I don't have time for small fry that I can't kill.”
He turned slightly to the side and pointed his hand at one of the undead. Keine could make out scars on it.
“Take care of this.”

The corpse shambled forward, it's arms hanging down limply, while the man walked past the now confused Cirno. She looked after him.
“Hey! Don't ignore me!”
More icicles formed around her and flew after him.

A shield, tinged in dirty blue, formed at his back and intercepted every attack.

That was the point the undead reached Cirno. It suddenly screamed out and grabbed her upper arms, and pinned her to the ground.
“Heeeey! Get off me you... Waaah, I'm getting all dizzy...”

Keine freed herself from the shock.
“What are you doing? And who are you?”

“Me? My name doesn't matter. What I'm doing? I hijacked this group of ghouls to attack this village, and make more. Then, I will use them to hunt down the Cursed Eyes of Humanity. After taking those eyes from him, I will be the greatest hero of all.”

“A hero? By killing us?”
One of the men spoke up. The angry eyes of that gray cloaked man shut him up.

“The end justifies the means. Even if I had to erode an entire civilization, I would do it. That boy needs to be put down.”
He stood right before them.


“Yes. Age shouldn't fool you.”

Those words seemed rather useless. Following them was the norm in Gensokyo, with so many Youkai in the form of adolescent girls.
“Do you have any idea where you are?”

“Some mundane village, in some mundane world.”
His smirk didn't extinguish his anger. But he showed confusion when everyone shook their heads.
“You're not that special, whatever you think. Well, the slaughter has to start.”
The man's right hand darted upwards, a concealed knife flashed into view, and the next moment one of the men screamed out in pain and clutched his shoulder. The weapon was barely more than an arrowhead with a short handle.

Keine reacted by throwing some Danmaku at him, which he avoided with nimble steps.
“That was a mistake.”

“As if.”
Another knife came up. The sleeves of his clothes were longer than his arms, which made it easy to hide weapons in them.

“Everyone, get some distance to him!”
The were-hakutaku darted out of the way, when his weapon flew through the air and buried itself in the earth behind her.

“You seem to be the best fighter here. Help me in my righteous crusade...”

“This is not righteous! You want to kill innocents! I won't allow you to hurt the villagers, or anyone else in Gensokyo!”
Her protective instincts kicked in. She closed in on him now, attempting a low kick, which he avoided with two quick steps backward. Then he punched down on her leg, fast. The pain was tolerable, far more so then she would expect. Judging by his expression, that was the hardest he could hit.
He is not strong, just fast.
This insight didn't help her much. He still had weapons to cut her, even if there wasn't strength behind it. Of course, he could be faking that to catch her off guard.
Another of his knives shot out, this time aimed for her head. She ducked away, and her hat flew with the knife. Pouncing forward, Keine attempted a tiger palm. The man skipped to the side, now trying a karate chop on her arm. She expected it. Her other arm was already in position to throw some Danmaku at him. The hit tossed him back a few meters, but instead of landing on the back, he got into a handstand and somersaulted into a standing position. His cloak was smothering.

“Wow. For some backwater place, not bad.”

“Just stop this. Why do we have to fight?”

“I do this to take down someone dangerous! You should just help me!”

She gritted her teeth. This man's superficial reasoning was infuriating.
“Killing innocents is not right, no matter what the reason!”

“It's too bad you don't understand the nature of sacrifice. Now!”
Instead of continuing the fight, he gave her a wry grin, and cold, rotten hands clamped down on her arms. She felt how her strength was sapped, before she understood that the fight was suddenly interrupted.

What is this?
The ghoul pushed her down. Keine still struggled with the sudden change, so she missed her opportunity to free herself.

“Well then, everyone. Attack.”

A cold feeling formed in her stomach. Those things would slaughter them. And she had no chance of stopping them. She was already too weak for her manipulation ability.
“Leave them alone!”

“Why the panic? It's for a higher cause.”

Her sight began to dim. That's when she heard it.
On of the men. Keine was lying on the ground with her face to the shambling ghouls. Behind them was a little girl from the village. She knew her. Mei was just five years old, and scared at the sight, scared speechless.

The man Keine was rapidly growing to hate more and more walked into her field of vision. He knelt down until his face and Keine's were centimeters from each other.
“You know, this one is a weak ghoul. He'll need a full two minutes for you. But what would a strong one need for that girl? I gander it would be around twenty seconds, since there is no additional energy, like your power. It would work faster, even with all the youthful life-force in her. It will be empowering.”

The tone of his voice wasn't gleeful. He seemed honestly happy at it.
He believes it. He really believes what he says. That this is good.
One of the ghouls walked towards Mei. Keine wanted to scream, to tell her to run. But the creature that secured her to the ground was taking away all strength. She could only watch, her mind in pain, while her body numbed.
The corpse reached Mei, and in that moment, Keine would have done anything to help her. She would have done everything.
Her eyes closed.

And then, just a few seconds later, she felt a fresh wind from the direction of the village. A wind that smelled like the air after a heavy rain. Straining herself, Keine opened her eyes. Mei was gone, the ghoul was lying around in at least thirty parts. And the pressure on her was gone. Even Cirno was free.
“Now, wasn't that a close call?”
Even though she was distrustful, even though she didn't know what to think about him, right now, his voice sounded so sweet to her.

“Fabian... Drotarin...”

“Ah, you deigned to remember even still. Thanks.”
The mocking tone in his voice didn't upset her in the least.
“Well, I'll take over from here. Feel free to pass out now.”
And that she did.

When Fabian carried Keine, Cirno and the little girl away, he kept smiling at the latter as kindly as he could. Putting them down, he reached for her forehead.
“What's your name?”

Her voice was weak, understandably so. He began to give her new life-force, as she just lost the equivalent of 40 years. A black haze appeared around his hand. When it came in contact with her head, the color changed to a pale yellow, mixed with small spots of blue and purple.

“How do you feel?”

“I... I'll be okay. Who're you, Onii-san?”

“Fabian. And yes, you will be okay. Now sleep. I'll take care of the bad men.”

Mei closed her eyes, and her consciousness slipped away.

He gave Keine the same treatment, where his black energy turned a mix if blue and green. Then the wind changed again. It became hostile. Oppressive. Murderous.
Slowly, the Mage stood up, and turned towards the one responsible. His smile faded away. It was replaced by a cold mask of fury.
“So, what made you think this stuff would be a good idea? Attacking innocents? Damn, I knew you guys were scum, but this?”

“You! Cursed Eyes of Humanity! I shall have you die!”
The man recovered from his shock, the anger on his face no longer being suppressed clumsily. He slipped into a more formal speech pattern.

“Like you can. At least keep it to just us, instead of this.”
The wind threw all the ghouls together in one place again.
“Hijacking this group... So mindless. You're as much a thrall as they are. Even worse, you consider it a good state. There's a line, you know?”

“Silence! I will take your head back, so the baron can take it for his collection.”

“Your baron needs a better hobby.”

“Why, you...”

Fabian turned towards the ghouls, his left hand slowly rising to his right shoulder, dark tendrils shooting out between the fingers in a claw position. The pure power was already distorting reality. Then, he used one of his very own abilities, a spell that he created, and that only he could use.
“Darkest Winds: Bone-Reaper”
Most other spells were taken from others. Copies, he refined to his own tastes. This was different. It was his own technique, powerful, unique and unbelievably sadistic. The tendrils became sharp winds, that twisted every way along their route towards the ghouls. What they did to them wasn't pretty. The spell mixed the cutting power behind Wind-Magic with the pain factor embedded into his very being. Recreating it without this factor would take decades of work.
When the tendrils of wind reached the ghouls, they went through them, exactly between the bones. Every bone was separated from the adjacent ones, with the flesh being cut just the same. The sheer brutality of the attack caused his enemy and the observers to freeze. The first by the fact that the exactly 61 ghouls were just utterly curbstomped, the latter by how the exactly 61 ghouls were just utterly curbstomped.
“Well, this is the point where I would normally ask your name, but I'll just skip to killing you.”

“We shall be victorious, Cursed Eyes of Humanity.”

“Second worst title I have.”
Fabian muttered, his black sword appearing in his hand.

“Did I really just see this?”
One of the guys in the background murmured.
“Who are you?”

“The guy who just saved your lives. Take care of those.”
He motioned towards Keine, Cirno and Mei. The fairy was already waking up.

His enemy came closer, knife poised for his throat. Fabian didn't bother blocking, instead just flowing around the attack, grabbing the cloak and spinning the guy over his head a few times, before slamming him down.

With a kick, Fabian sent his enemy flying away four meters.
“You're using Aritnamas' talismans. What a letdown. A half-youkai wouldn't stand much of a chance against that.”

The man struggled to his feet.
“So she's weaker than I thought.”

“Still stronger than you without that dirty trick. In fact, she'd have beaten you without those ghouls.”
One swing of the sword, and a black Shockwave flew through the air, directed at his enemy. Who jumped out of the way, getting closer to where Fabian had just teleported right in a full 360° swing. Blood flew from where the ominous blade almost severed the right arm of it's wielder's enemy. Fabian estimated it to have cut through about 60% of the bone.
That alone would have been enough to clearly decide the flow of the battle, but another pressing fact was evident that moment.
The nameless, self-righteous man had very human limits. His abilities were not in any way unlikely to have. Enough training was all he had behind his name. There was no research, no special abilities or bloodlines that somehow could have changed the fight. The fanatic was faced with a diligent, powerful madman, who specialized in lethality. And he knew it, somewhere behind that mask of hatred.

“Damn you! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!”
He was clenching his arm, while hopping backwards.

“Life's way too fun. You know, I don't so much hate you, as that I just pity you. I hate your boss. And I decided that he has to die.”

“You are the only one... the ONLY ONE we need dead. No world, in all the countless realities needs something like YOU!”
His Magic was purely ritualistic. There was no spontaneity in it, making it unfit for combat. And his physical abilities were a far cry from a Craeiran's.

Which Fabian promptly demonstrated, when he teleported again, executing a quick chop against his enemy's throat, followed by an even quicker leg sweep, which caused his balance to get lost in favor of his body being parallel to the earth. In a fast pirouette, Fabian raised his sword high, it's dark gleam sucking up the sun, then brought it down on his enemy for a clean bisection over the diaphragm. Shifting winds caused the spraying blood to not hit him, as he stood there with his now lowered blade, his face still a cold mask of fury.
Then, with one sweep of his blade to clean it of blood, he turned to the village.

Actually, there is something concrete in this chapter that I want your opinion on.
The rather big dissonance in handling conflict. Because of the Spellcard Rules, there isn't much to it. You fight, if you win good, if you lose still good.

For my outside characters, it's different. Fabian is, quite frankly a cold-blooded killer. That's why fights with him will generally have a high chance of being bloody, especially when he doesn't bother with Danmaku, or fights against one of the more killable girls.

What I want to know, is what do you think about that? It's a deliberate dissonance, which I actually planned out to happen with a lot of thought.
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

Forsaken by all

  • "Here, this is for you." Hands you a german 'Gift'
Re: Traveler of Inner Wishes
« Reply #28 on: October 22, 2013, 08:22:31 pm »
And I'm back! My last few months kinda sucked, I had a writer's block (again) and... ah, that's too private to share. Well, here's the next chapter, sorry for being late.

Chapter 25:

Keine woke up with the single worst headache she ever had. Feeling lost, the half-human kept her eyes closed and tried to remember what exactly happened.
I woke up,had breakfast, taught the students... The undead!
That was enough for her to sit up and open her eyes.
And lie down again from the sudden pain she felt all over her body. Or perhaps it has always been there, and got lost in the haze of awareness.

“I knew I should have placed bets on her reaction, I just knew.”

She opened her eyes once more, slowly this time. It was her bedroom. There were three other people inside.
“What... what happened after I lost consciousness, Drotarin-san?”

The Mage smiled the same smile she always saw on him.
“Nobody you'd care 'bout died. The girl – Mei – is alright. Ghouls are taken care. Village safe from more attacks, for now.”

“I would appreciate some details. And why are Byakuren-san and Miko-san here?”

“That's an answer I'd like to hear, too. They both came in just now.”
He turned to Byakuren, who was sitting on his right.

“I was concerned for the village. But you took care of that quite admirably, Fabian.”

He sighed.
“Still thinking I'm a good guy.”
With that, the Mage turned to Miko.

“Curiosity, mainly. Now, with Keine-sensei awake, would you tell us what happened in a more detailed fashion?”

He shrugged.
“Yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry for making some tea without permission.”
And held up a cup of steaming tea.

“I must be out of it. I didn't even notice that.”
Keine noticed that the other two also held cups.

“Well, not everyday someone just gets the lucky touch of ghouls.”
He poured her a cup of tea, which she accepted gratefully. Her throat felt dry. Then the human Keine found most mysterious started a recount of the events from his perspective.
“... after that, Yukari and I split up. There were four different places the ghouls appeared, and not at the same time. The group at the village shouldn't have appeared so soon, reason being the sick weirdo you met. He hijacked control over them.”

“Would they have attacked the village otherwise?”

“No. Ghouls are low level necromancy, because they are creatures without will, just the instinct to kill. Crude creations, of people that don't care for more refined methods. Then again, that's the rule with necromancy, generally. I always get a bad taste by them. Just so you know, the only reason you didn't totally trounce that guy were the talismans he used on himself. They work against most non-humans.”

Keine filed that last part away for later. There were more pressing issues.
“What did they want?”

He gave the usual nonchalant shrug.
“Me. More specifically, my messy death. Undoubtedly it would've been painful too. If it had just worked...”

“You seem awfully relaxed.”
Miko couldn't hide a smile.

“Yeah, gets kinda repetitive. Very, very repetitive.”

Keine interfered before the topic changed too much.
“What happened to that man?”

“I killed him.”


He frowned.
“What else? That guy was a megalomaniac mass-murderer. And what they do in his sect is a free pass to hell, hands down.”


“Hardcore one. They do stuff like rape, cannibalism and other disgusting things.”

“Yes, I can see the reason to be disgusted.”
Miko nodded thoughtfully. Keine agreed with her.
“Was that it?”

“From the sect? They aren't big on teamwork, so nobody's gonna know where he went. The ones who sent the ghouls are intelligent, though.”

“Why are they after you?”

“Killing their leader. Good enough reason.”

Byakuren had been sipping tea silently until then.

“Killing him? Doesn't matter now. Anything else?”

Silence answered him.
“I see.”
He emptied his cup and stood up, looking at Keine.
“For the next week, you'll have to take it easy. Eat lots of vegetables, drink more water than usual. After that, you should be up as if nothing ever happened.”

“How did you heal us? The man said the ghouls suck out life-force.”

“Doesn't matter. That fairy flew off who knows where, by the way. Resurrective immortality seems useful.. Oh, yeah, a kasha is taking care of the corpses.”
Fabian walked out with a short goodbye.

Miko stood up.
“I will follow suit. Goodbye, Keine-sensei, Byakuren-san.”
She smiled and followed the Mage.

Byakuren apparently decided to stay. She even filled her and Keine's cup with tea again.
“It's quite remarkable that Fabian stayed with you for the full three hours you were unconscious, according to him. He gave me the impression , that he didn't like you particularly.”

“Three hours? Why would he... Argh, I don't know what to think about either of you three.”
Keine shook her head.

“Maybe you make things more complicated than they are.”
The Magician took a sip from her cup.

“Maybe. But that's better than being negligent.”

The teacher wasn't quite sure what the strange expression on her guest's face meant.

“Would you please wait?”
Miko was rather persistent in following Fabian.


She judged.

“Duly noted.”
Being behind him, she couldn't see his face, but heard the smirk in his voice.

“I simply want to talk. Do you have a problem with that?”

Sighing, he stopped and turned around, eyebrow raised.
“What 'bout?”

“Where your powers come from.”

“You... Do you even know my profession?”

“Not in particular.”

“I'm a Mage. We're big on secrecy when dealing with...”
He trailed off.


“... your kind of people.”

She cocked her head.
“My kind of people? What do you mean?”

“People who strike us as odd. Or get on our nerves.”

“So, do I get on your nerves, oh Mage?”
Miko grinned rather sardonically.

“Why, of course. You trample on them with that ability of yours.”
The response came in kind.

However, it also surprised the Taoist.
“That is the first time I heard that.”

He just sighed again.

“You won't just get away.”


“Restoring life-force isn't any kind of ability humans should wield. Not without horrifying drawbacks.”

The Mage regarded her carefully, eyes slightly narrowed.
“Your point?”

“I can understand helping a little girl, innocent as she is. But I believe you aren't particularly fond of Keine-sensei.”


A frown found its way onto her face.
“What do you mean?”

“Just because we don't get along that well, doesn't mean I'd leave her in a bad state.”

“Even if it shortens your own lifespan?”
Miko sounded more inquisitive than worried.

With yet another sigh, Fabian changed the topic.
“Toyosatomimi no Miko. It's the third time we talk, and every time you ask your questions, then just go off. Why? What do you want?”
Something in his voice caused her to look right into his eyes. What she saw – a sense of comfort, a feeling of peace, a hint of elation – was alarming. It didn't add up to the desires she felt from him. He had ambition. A horrifying level of ambition, followed closely by great pride. And none of that was visible. The idea, that someone could act this well was scaring her. On the other hand, as a self-admitted manipulator, there was the chance that he played her senses.
She wasn't sure which would be worse.

“You are special.”

“In a myriad of ways.”

“Would you stay serious?”

“Not a chance.”

Miko's turn to sigh.
“It's your desires. I find it hard to believe, that wishes as weighty as yours could be hidden so well. Normally, people collapse under that level of pressure.”

“Yeah, well. I don't count as normal. Occasionally, people write me off as a monster, just so they can distance themselves from me. I doubt you would've that kind of problem, Shoutoku.”

“I've been wondering, whether a foreigner would know. Then again, you hinted at it.”
It wasn't much of a secret. It wasn't anywhere close to one, in fact.

“I'm more cultured than you'd think. By the way, you're the first person to comment on me not being Japanese, as obvious as it is.”

“Oh? Don't change the topic.”

He clicked his tongue and whispered.
Not quiet enough.

With an indignant huff, Miko got the conversation back on track.
“Now, would you tell me about the nature of your desires?”

Fabian just let out another in a long series of sighs.
“What do you want to know?”

“Your motivation. What makes you feel that way? I can't figure it out.”

“Aside from the obviously personal nature of those questions, anything else? The age of my parents? The name of my deceased pet goldfish?”

“You had a pet goldfish?”

“No, I'm more of a cat or bird person.”
For a few seconds, he kept a straight face. Then the snickering started.

Miko huffed again.
“If you have no intention of answering those questions, I suppose I'm simply wasting time.”

“Oooh, you finally caught up to that. I thought calling you annoying was already dropping the hammer.”
Her disappointed face was amusing him.
“What? You met me recently, and already ask for very personal information. Is that some weird ruler thingy? No, no. Don't answer. I know it already.”
With that, he turned around and left the nonplussed Taoist alone.

What a thoroughly infuriating person.

Once far enough away from her, already deep inside the forest, The Mage leaned against a tree.
Honestly, the nerve of that woman. And that on top of the strain of my Bone-Reaper.
There was a heavy disadvantage Fabian had when it came to high-level spells. Casting them came with pain. Nerve-wrecking, mind-tearing pain. Anyone less would have passed out, while Fabian was just put in a foul mood by that. Nobody knew it, mostly because even his friends would be shocked by it.

“How long have you been eavesdropping, Yukari?”

“Long enough. Life-force, is it now? My dear Fabian, what are you doing?”
There she was, sitting on her gap, parasol over her shoulder.

“The usual. Being cool and badass, charming, brooding when no one's looking...”

“That last part is a blatant lie.”

Not that I tried particularly hard to lie.
“You didn't deny the rest.”
That got a laugh from her.
“So, any anomalies?”
He didn't waste time asking about problems. Yukari didn't have problems, certainly not because of some shambling corpses.

“Nothing worth notice. But, why wouldn't you tell them about Aritnamas talismans?”
'Long enough' apparently meant all important information.

Fabian gave a shrug.
“I'm not too sure 'bout them. Well, except for Byakuren. If it'd been just her, I'd have told her.”

“Why so much trust in her?”

“Let's not get off the rails. What do you think they'll do next?”
He walked towards his tower again, Yukari following.

“Simple. A reversal of their favored strategy, since you favor it as well.”

“My thoughts exactly. I give them five days at most.”

“You should lay low.”


“... but you have no intention of doing so.”
The Youkai of Borders shook her head.
“Well, on to different matters. That Toyosatomimi no Miko.”

“What 'bout her?”
The change of topic had a chance of being interesting.

“Don't you think it was rather cute how she pouted?”

“Mhm. Very unexpected.”

“It must be your legendary charm.”

“That's why it's legendary.”
The tower came into view, but not just it.


“Why is Mima floating before my tower? And why is she poking my unconscious little brother with her staff?”

“At least she isn't using that crescent moon.”

While idly chatting, the two vastly different, powerful individuals came close enough that Mima looked up.

“Hello there, Yukari, Fabi-kun.”

“And the cheap nickname's back. What are you doing to my brother?”

The evil spirit snickered.
“Your brother? My, my why would he be napping here?”

“Yukari, kindly answer this question. I'm interested as well.”

“Our saint in name only has won against those ugly mage-eaters. Considering his disadvantages, that is quite something.”

“What I would expect from a Drotarin.”

“Yes, yes. Now, dear Mima would you please stop poking my brother?”

“If you wish.”
She continued.

“As a matter of fact, I do.”
Now Mima stopped.
“Okay, wakey-wakey Ray.”

No reaction. Which prompted Fabian to lift him off the ground and throw him over his shoulder.
“What are you doing now?”

“Heal him and put him into a bed. What else?”

“Indeed, evil spirit. What else?”
Yukari did her favorite gesture: Hide her face behind her fan.

“My, do I hear resentment there?”

“My, what makes you think so? Perhaps because of your attempt to take the power of the Hakurei for yourself?”

Fabian opened the tower gate with a wave of his hand.
“And you failed? Please, can't be that hard to do a take-over like that.”
He walked up the tower, with the two women floating behind him.

The youkai chuckled.
“How many plans would you have?”

“14. 9 of them with a chance of success above 80%. Short-term, of course.”

“A strategic genius you are called. A strategic genius you are.”

“You should really work on that pathos problem, Yukari.”

Mima floated forward until she was beside him.
“Isn't it tedious to walk up all those stairs, Fabi-kun?”

“So? I don't have any problems with that. Why would I? I'm a healthy young man. Walking up some stairs isn't anything worth fussing 'bout.”

“And how would you steal Reimu's power?”

“Yes, of course. I'll tell you just like that.”

She chuckled.
“It would have been too easy.”

“I don't make it easy. Here we are.”
He stopped on the fifth floor. The Mage walked down a hallway and stopped in front of one door, opening it with another gesture.
“I love efficiency. That's why my brother's room's already finished. But fooling around while staying efficient... Hell, that's the fun.”
The bedroom was simple, held in dark green colors without being obtrusive. The unconscious Ray was put down on the bed. Then Fabian began healing him.
“Anything you want?”
Nobody reacted.
“I meant you, Mima.”

“Oh, a few questions.”

“Such as?”

“Who are you, what do you want here and how did you become so powerful?”

He looked up.


“Is it normal in Gensokyo to just ask those blatantly personal questions?”

“Most people hold a monologue about those questions.”

“I see, I see.”

“That is no reason to ignore me.”
Mima just played along.

“No, of course not. Just a reason to annoy you.”

“Try harder.”

“Who said I was trying?”

Yukari was no longer smiling.
“Stop flirting with Mima, of all people. She's dead, it's necrophilia.”

“Only on dead bodies. Spirits, ghosts and other souls don't count. Besides, we're not flirting.”

A different voice came up.
“Mi hermano, are you sure?”

Fabian's smile brightened, his eyes flashed.
“Welcome back in the world of the conscious, Ray.”

“Right. Can I get five minutes in a room with our legal guardian?”

“Legal guardian?”
Mima looked at Ray, then Fabian. Then her gaze wandered to Yukari, at which point she started laughing.
“Very interesting.”

Somebody sighs an awful lot, don't you think? Oh, well, gears are turning slowly, but they're turning. Isn't that what's important?
The only difference between good and bad is, that good feels more comfortable for all, while bad focuses on the individual's desires. Thus, good is widely spread badness. Every good person is also a bad person, but not vice-versa. Do you still want to be a good person?

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