Author Topic: The Maid Did It.  (Read 3453 times)

The Maid Did It.
« on: July 12, 2011, 04:32:14 AM »
"Remilia! Come quickly!" yelled Patchouli.
They ran to the courtyard to find Meiling on the ground, bruised and unconscious.
"What happened?!'" asked Remilia.
"I don't know...I was on my way from the library to visit Marisa but..."
"We need help, we need to visit E...Eirin."
"But my lady, I thought you hated Eirin"
Remilia didn't reply. Remilia truly didn't like Eirin, but that couldn't stop her from helping her friend.
"Oh uh, should we leave Flandre in the house....alone..." asked Patchouli.
"Well Sakuya and the maids are there." Remilia thought for a second...
"Let's go."

They with Meiling on Patchouli's back, they flew over the lake, past the forest, over shrines and forest, but there was a strange stilness... there were no youkai or anyone around. But niether Remilia or Pacthouli noticed.

"Lady Remilia!? Where are you!" yelled Sakuya who was worried when she saw Patchouli on her bedroom floor bruised and unconcious, but she knew something was wrong. She remembered how she saw Remilia and Patchouli fly away with Meiling. She was very perplexed.
 Mabye I'm seeing stuff... but why would Patchouli be here.

Remilia and Patchouli continued to fly with Meiling, they where almost there.

Sakuya felt a presence, a very familiar one. She stopped time and looked around the room.  As she walked towards her closet, the feeling grew stronger. She opened the closet door... There was nothing, Sakuya unfroze time and walked out the room.
"EEIIYEEEEE!!!!" she yelled as she fell into darkness.
"Hello, Sakuya." came a voice in the darkness.
"WHO"S THERE!" she yelled, scare and confused.
"Don't you remember?" a figure walked out of the darkness.
"Y-y-yukari?"
"Yes it's me and you can't tell, for your under the illusion of my spell.
Now listen Sakuya, the Scarlet Maid. Soon all your memories will fade.
A butterfly flies in the garden at noon. Then it leaves soon.
A star twinkles blue and red, now let me get into your head."
"Y-yes Yukari." Sakuya stuttered.

"Eliminate the one who lives here, the one named "Remilia"

Meiling was back in perfect health, and was happy as could be. But Remilia had noticed she hadn't see Sakuya around.
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End of chapter one! Should I continue? Oh if your confused, Yukari messed with Sakuya's mind to create an illusion of Patchouli, and lured her into her trap.

Spiderpig2398

  • The One in all direcions
Re: The Maid Did It.
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2011, 02:11:29 PM »
Keep going. This sounds VERY interesting.

XephyrEnigma

  • :|
  • XephyrEnigma
Re: The Maid Did It.
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2011, 02:34:00 PM »
Interesting indeed. Though, you may want to refrain from writing it like a script. You do have a good thing going here, just, your formatting seems kind of script-like.
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