It's actually something I say a lot. "It's (something) time, bitches!" Works in most situations, really.
Also, Chapter... whatever I left off on... incoming in an edit.
I never claimed this was good, either. I warned you all that logic died a long time ago! :derp:
Warning: This next chapter contains gratuitous use of hard-boiled crime fiction lingo. Don't expect to understand what the hell's going on. (I certainly didn't, reading over it again). Also, I know that the Parsee bit is pretty bad. Don't shoot me, Ryuu.
Oh man this is gonna be a silly, silly post and I sincerely hope nobody shoots me for it.
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Chapter Three: And Now for Something Completely Different
Morning came much quicker than Rinnosuke had expected. As if he had just stayed in an RPG inn, he was feeling revived and fresh. The couch, despite being utterly hideous, proved its worth as a good, strong makeshift bed. He thought about how he had just laid down after watching Nitori?s table collapse for some strange, inexplicable, keypad-related reason. Automatically, a tinny, 16bit piece of music played in his head. It was a tune he knew well: The ?going to sleep at an inn? theme from one of his favorite RPGs of all time, Dragon Journey. Immediately, he passed out. His sleep felt like it had only taken a few seconds, but looking out a nearby window (complete with keypad, of course) proved him wrong.
He stretched and cracked his back before standing up and looking around the room. The table was still in shambles, the other doors to Nitori?s basement were still lying out in the street, and the ?current? door still spited the two by remaining flat on the floor. Rinnosuke looked down into the basement, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The sole light bulb in the basement had burnt out, plunging it into mostly darkness. I wonder?
?Nitori, you down there?? He shouted through the doorway. Her response was a poorly-aimed spinning wrench that proceeded to miss him and land harmlessly on the floor and a half-asleep murmur. ?You?ve been working the whole ni-? He was cut off by another flying wrench. Unfortunately, this one was aimed with much, much better precision and zipped right past his face.
?Quiddit, Kourin? Lemme sleep, mmyeah?? Another tired murmur. ?Jus?? I?unno? go out and do somethin? or somethin?. Go get some breakfast, I?ll? reimb-? A thud, followed by light snoring. Rinnosuke shrugged and frowned, noting yet another keypad. He began to try his luck? His luck turned out to be awful, since he was still struggling with the keypad and the password over an hour later. He input the last possible combination of numbers and it finally clicked, unlocking the door.
He proceeded to walk the streets of the city, looking around at the assorted billboards and businesses, trying to keep his mind off of losing his own store not even a full day earlier. One particular ad, haphazardly taped to a light post caught his attention. Mainly because it was written in the often-loathed comic sans font.
Are you behind the eight-ball? Has someone tried to bump you? Has calling copper only given you dust? If so, then I?m the op you need.
What followed was the not-quite-monochrome photo of a young-looking girl. The colors were muted, but Rinnosuke could still make out her outfit. She wore a black hat, a small red tie, and a sharp-looking white suit that contrasted nicely with her brown pants. Her face had a look that wouldn?t be too far out of place in an old ?hard boiled? detective novel or comic. An obviously fake cigarette hanged from her mouth. Beneath the photo was her name (Renko Usami, Shamus) and address. Rinnosuke chose not to stare at it too long, as it too was written in the loathsome comic sans font. He did, however, decide to rip the ad down and look it over. Carefully, of course, so his eyes weren?t ruined by
the awful font.
It?s not too far from here? And Nitori said I was being paranoid about thinking that GameStart burnt my place down. But that nametag? It can?t be a coincidence, can it? Actually, yes it can.
Rinnosuke, after wandering for several hours, found himself at the location. How did I ever miss this place? Peculiar didn?t do the place justice. No, there were no words in any language that could accurately describe Renko?s office (Except for the following description, of course). The building itself was a normal, average office building that wouldn?t look too out of place in an old detective movie. In fact, it looked as if it had literally been ripped from a hard boiled crime film and planted in this modern day city. The oddest part of the building was its paint color. Rinnosuke had seen garish, loudly painted buildings in the past, including a travel agency who someone decided would look nice if painted like a neon yellow Hawaiian shirt. However, this was nothing like he?d ever seen before: It was the exact opposite of the aforementioned neon yellow building, a monochrome structure that even had shadows painted in the right places, giving it a grim, gritty look fitting of a Dick Tracy novel.
?You know,? he spoke to himself, ?I?m starting to feel less like the odd one and more like the only sane man. First you have Nitori,? he thought back to his blue-haired best friend and her obsession with giant robot movies, shows, books, manga, and anything else even tangentially relating to the genre. Rinnosuke remembered a time he caught her watching one of them, the anime series her own mech was based on, Gullen Ragann. While watching the fight scenes, Nitori became so hot-blooded that Rinnosuke was worried about something spontaneously bursting into flame. She yelled so loud, calling the attacks along with the characters, Rinnosuke genuinely feared for his eardrums? safety. He chuckled, shaking his head. ?Now, now we have?? He looked back up at the monochrome building with its painted shadows, then back down to the ad with its out-of-place lingo, muted photo, and horrible font. Rinnosuke let out of a sigh and tentatively reached for the front door.
Renko sat in her smoke-filled office, because all hardboiled crime offices had a smoky, thick air about them. She gnawed on the end of her (fake) cigarette, looking over photos. Their color clashed with the monotone, black-and-white color scheme of her office. She glanced up, looking at the woman across the room from her. The girl, her client, had short blonde hair and piercing green eyes. She also happened to be biting her thumb, looking rather tense.
?Well??
?Well? They have been seen together an awful lot, but?? Renko sighed, shaking her head. ?Do you even know these dames, Miss Parsee?? She dropped the photo onto her desk, revealing two young women. One had short pink hair and was happily standing behind a out of place Japanese-style grill, tending to skewered eels. The other was a taller, more imposing woman with long white hair and fierce red eyes. However, she looked less fierce, caught mid-laugh by the photographer. ?I?m not wise as to what you want with these gals, but??
?I?m? I?m just so jealous. The grill lady. I think Mystia?s her name. She?s? she?s just so successful! There?s got to be something illict going on there, right?!? She stormed over to the desk and slammed her hand down on the photo. ?Those two are always together, and I?ve seen her, whoever she is,? she pointed to the white-haired girl, ?with someone else! There?s an affair going on, right?? Renko sighed and massaged her temples before leaning back in her leather chair and taking a long drag from her (fake) cigarette.
?Listen, doll, I?m no sharper. I?m not gonna go around and tail these two just to find out if one of ?em?s cheatin? on their moll, or even if they have a moll. That?s their business, yeah? Now,? she smiled warmly and pat the girl on the hand, ?if you?ve got a real problem you need me to, say, paste a palooka who?s bugging ya or maybe fill someone up with daylight, then I can help.? She patted the blonde girl?s hand again. ?But, I can give ya some advice, yeah? Don?t go worryin? about those two ankles giving ya trouble, yeah? You?re a nice girl, babe.?
Renko stood up and began to walk the girl to the door of her monochrome, crime film-like office. However, mid-stride, the phone rang. Renko threw her hat onto the desk and grabbed the phone. ?Yeah? Another?... Alright, tell the bird to come on up, Mary, and I can give him a chin. Maybe we can bump gums fi-? She paused and dropped her forced ?detective? accent. ?No, Mary, I?m not dropping the lingo.? Another pause as Mary spoke. ?Well that?s what happens when you happen to get me a bunch of old crime novels all those years ago after I got my degree. You knew this would happen. Anyway, send him up and I?ll drop the lingo.? She hung up and sat back at her desk, facing the chair toward the blind covered windows.
A few moments passed while Rinnosuke waited in the lobby. A young blonde girl sat at the desk, groaning as she put the phone down. Her dark purple dress looked strange and out of place, considering the monochrome tone that even the inside of the building had. He raised an eyebrow curiously.
?I bought her some old detective novels for a graduation present a few years ago, and she?s been like this ever since. I think she?s just doing it to mess with me, really.? She buried her face in her heads and continued with a muffled voice. ?She?ll be with you in a moment, just head on up.? She looked up as Rinnosuke began to leave. ?Oh, if you can?t understand her? ? Well, that?s actually to be expected.?
Rinnosuke climbed the monochrome stairs, finding himself on the second floor in a matter of minutes. The second floor was full of doors leading into offices, but ? of course ? they all had obviously fake names and titles, such as P. Eye and Shamus McSleuth. After several minutes of searching, he finally reached the only real door in the entire place. The words stamped on the window read Renko Usami, Private Investigator in a bold, blocky font. The air around the door was thick and smelled of (fake) cigarette smoke. He knocked softly.
?Come on in, bird!? Renko shouted from behind the door. ?No need to be shy.? Rinnosuke, wondering
what he was getting himself into, opened the door and stepped inside.
The inside of the room was full of the thick, smoky air that was clich? of so many detective films. He half-expected to see a ?dame? sitting in the corner, sulking about her dead husband or lost puppy.
And, of course, he was right. She was just simply sitting in the right corner as opposed to the left. The small blonde girl nodded to Rinnosuke, biting down on her thumb as she looked over a stack of photos.
?Sorry, bird. I tried to get the doll to le-? Renko was cut off from her explanation by a thud from below as if someone was whacking the ceiling. ?Oh, come on, Mary. I told you I?d cut the lingo for you, not everyone el-? Another thud. Renko sighed. She was defeated by her partner and slumped back into her chair, dropping the overly thick accent and throwing the (fake) cigarette into a nearby trashcan.
?Anyway, what?cha need? I may not look it, but I do have a degree in this stuff, you know.? Renko motioned around the room, apparently indicating what she meant by ?this stuff?. She then gestured to a chair opposite her desk. ?Have a seat, too. Don?t worry, it?s not gonna bite.?
Rinnosuke carefully sat down. ?Considering that I saw a door explode off its hinges not too long ago, I?ve stopped trusting furniture.? He placed the scorched nametag on her desk. I?m not sure why I had this with me all day, but anything that can help is welcome. ?You see, you may have heard of a fire about twelve hours ago. It? ah? it was my store and my home. I think I know who?s responsible.? Parsee clenched her fists.
?I wish I had such a successful business that someone tried to burn it down?? She sighed. Renko waved dismissively, turning her attention back to Rinnosuke.
?Okay, this is gonna require some serious investigating, yeah? We?ll swing by your place. Then I?ll do some looking, and bam!? She pounded her fist on the table, causing the other two to jump. ?Then, we have your guy! I hope. Maybe.? She stood up and turned to the window, making a little crack in the blinds. ?I?m watchin? you, arsonists. No criminal escapes from Renko Usami, Ace Attorn-? She paused, coughing awkwardly. ?I mean, Ace Detective!? At that moment, Rinnosuke realized that he was the only sane man left. Renko grabbed the phone excitedly. ?Mary! Start up the c- ? Oh.? She paused. ?Uh-huh. ? You already did? And you heard everyth- Oh.? A small frown replaced the smile
from earlier. ?Ok. Thanks.? She placed the phone back down, being surprisingly gentle about it.
?Okay!? Her old, energetic, and slightly terrifying self was back. ?Let?s go, out to the car, keep moving we?ve got crimes to solve!?
A few minutes later, Rinnosuke and Renko were racing out to the car, leaving Mary to deal with Parsee. As expected, Mary was not pleased. It wasn?t that she didn?t want to help the girl or displeased with Parsee?s undying jealousy ? as this had been the third week in a row that the green-eyed girl had shown up with some frivolous, jealousy-related case. She was, however, upset at Renko for not dealing with one client before haphazardly moving on to another. And because of the lingo. She hated the lingo.
With normal people, a simple drive across town would be exactly that: Simple. It would also take a short while, depending on the traffic conditions. However, as Rinnosuke had guessed earlier, Renko was anything but normal. Her driving especially reflected this.
We?re going to crash. I know it. Rinnosuke had a death grip on arms of his seat as he tried to push himself lower and lower and close his eyes even tighter in an attempt to block out the rushing scenery of concrete, buildings, and other absolutely terrified motorists. She?s going to be the death of me, isn?t she?
?How have you not been pulled over yet?! Are you trying to get us killed or something?? He shouted.
She looked at him nonchalantly, completely ignoring the road and the quickly approaching now-red traffic light. Amazingly, she stopped fairly gently, as opposed to a slamming, forceful halt.
?Huh? Oh, ya mean because of my driving, yeah?? She laughed and waved dismissively. ?Ya act like this is dangerous. Ya should see me on the highway!? Rinnosuke turned pale.
?N-no. I?m fine, honestly. Just? please, please don?t get us killed??
?I?ll do what I can, bird.? Her forced accent was coming back. The light turned green. Renko grinned and sped forward, swerving to miss a car. Rinnosuke continued to pray.
They arrived, amazingly, in one piece. Less amazingly, the rubble of Kourindou was still sitting there, untouched. Renko frowned and shook her head.
?Not even willin? to clean the place up or tape it off? What good?s the stuff for if the buttons ain?t gonna use it, yeah?? She grabbed another fake cigarette from her pocket and began chewing on the end.
?Well, c?mon bird. We ain?t got all day, yeah??
They had been investigating the charred ruins of Kourindou for hours. It was nearing noon and Renko had been murmuring to herself ever since they arrived. Occasionally, Rinnosuke could pick out a few words. They were mostly bits and pieces of the lingo that Mary hated so much and other stereotypical ?detective? words like ?vic? and ?perp.? Rinnosuke cringed at the forced usage of the terminology. Renko may very well have been a good (or even the best) detective, but her mannerisms continued to convince the young gamer that he was indeed the only sane man left in his small group of friends and acquaintances.
?Aha!? Renko shouted after a short period of silence, startling Rinnosuke and causing him to jump. ?I think we?ve got something, cat.? She gestured frantically, beckoning him over. She was alternating between brushing down a small, charred object ? and being surprisingly gentle about it ? and studying it with a magnifying glass.
As Rinnosuke approached, she shouted again. ?I?ve got it! I know who?s responsible for tryin? to bump ya off, yeah?? She nodded, holding the magnifying glass over the object. It was another GameStart employee nametag. Apparently, Rinnosuke had missed this one in the darkness last night. ?We even got a name, bird! If this ain?t some good rumble, I don?t know what is.? Rinnosuke raised and eyebrow, but remained silent and simply allowed Renko to ramble on with her nonsensical choice of words. Renko silently read the nametag to herself, her eyes widening.
?Something the ma-? Rinnosuke was cut off by a sharp laugh from the young ?ace? detective as she stood up, dusting the ashes from her brown pants. Amazingly, her shirt was still crisp and white, despite having been messing with ash and debris for the past few hours. She pointed her finger accusingly ? and dramatically ? at the neon red-and-white sign of the local GameStart. She stared down the brim of her hat for a few seconds.
?Our perp just so happens to be right there, cat.? She held up the charred nametag, allowing Rinnosuke to see the name beneath the melted laminated plastic. Rinnosuke read it and gasped.
?You?re joking, right? She was one of decent people who worked there, you know. She?s not the kind of person to d-? Renko clicked her tongue, waving her finger in response.
?Ya know what they say, don?t ya, cat?? She turned her head to look back at him, grinning. ?Beware the nice ones, yeah?? Rinnosuke grimaced at the thought. All I can hope is that Renko?s wrong about her?
Who was the perp whose name still remained visible, despite the melted plastic on the nametag? Is Renko?s accusation correct? Should Rinnosuke beware the nice ones? Will Nitori ever show up again? These answers and more in the next chapter of Super Hot-Blooded Burning Sentai Hero Man: Captain Retro!: The Red-White That Works at the Red-and-White (And Yes, She Will)