Author Topic: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator  (Read 6604 times)

AhKi

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Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« on: May 24, 2010, 01:13:42 AM »
This is going to be a hardboiled detective fic starring Reimu as the PI.
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   It was another sickly day of nonstop rain in this mess of a fantasy village. Youkai and everything else stalk the streets at night preying on the weak and innocent. If it weren?t for that, I?d be unemployed. It?s a dirty job, being the only one straight in this crooked city, but I?m the only Hakurei maiden. I ponder this as I prop my feet on my office desk and page my secretary.

   The diminutive oni girl stumbles through my door. ?Yeah, boss?? What a mess. She?s more trouble than she?s worth. I shake my head and tell her what I think. ?Get me the bourbon from the pantry.?

   She cocked her head and smiled, telling me that she?s already wasted for the day. ?All right, Reimu~? I contemplate a new assistant as I spit back an insincere response. ?You?re a doll. What would I do without you??

   I light up a smoke while I wait. I?m thinking about taking the day off when I see a silhouette behind my office door. Too tall to be my bourbon already. ?Yeah? What do you want?? I signal them to come in with thinly veiled annoyance.

   A real classy gal walks in wearing an evening gown and a fancy hat that might get someone robbed or worse in a town like this. I know her all right, she?s a regular customer. ?I said: What do you want?? I cut right to the chase. This broad and I have a history. She just shows up whenever she pleases and bats her eyelashes at me but there?s always a catch. Always something she wants from me.

   She smirks in the way only Yukari can. ?Oh, Reimu. It?s terrible. Chen has gone missing and Ran has gone to look for her but they?ve both been gone for days now.? She leans up on the wall, making sure her figure was on display through that gown, as if that sort of thing ever works with me. I take a long drag on my cig and exhale. ?Do I look like the lost and found?? It was an excuse. It wouldn?t have mattered what she had for me, I didn?t want to work today.

   Suika meanders back into the office with a glass and an unopened bottle for me. I nod and toss her a yen for the effort. I pour myself a glass while the dame explains why I should care about her missing cat. Her cocky demeanor hasn?t missed a step yet. ?But Reimu, it?s not that simple. I?ve looked for them myself but? they?ve both left Gensokyo.?

   I raise an eyebrow, removing the cigarette from my lips to replace it with a mouth full of bourbon. She stands there looking full of herself as usual. She knows I?ll take the case because she knows just what kind of bait to use to hook me. Damn her. I make sure my scowl is clearly visible and down the rest of my glass in one go. If she?s expecting me to pour her a glass she?s got another thing coming. But she probably already knows what I?m thinking anyway.

   ?Suika.? I say it loud enough to be heard through the open door since I know she?s listening in anyway. My assistant opens the door clumsily and wanders into the doorway like a lush. ?Eh??

   I stand up and grab my coat and ribbon from the rack, shooting a glance at Yukari. ?It seems the border?s been violated. I?m going out for the day to catch a cat burglar who?s?? I put on my ribbon. ??crossed the line.?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRFUv2rG244&feature=related
Make sure you click the link. It's relevant!
« Last Edit: May 24, 2010, 04:35:33 AM by AhKi »
The old man the boat.
The cotton clothing is made of grows in Mississippi.

Some sentences are better than others. These are those sentences.

nintendonut888

  • So those that live now, pledge on your fists and souls
  • Leave a sign of your life, no matter how small...
Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2010, 01:25:47 AM »
I mentally heard "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" at the end. :V

Interesting. I may actually keep up with this to see where it's going.
nintendonut888: Hey Baity. I beat the high score for Sanae B hard on the score.dat you sent me. X3
Baity: For a moment, I thought you broke 1.1billion. Upon looking at my score.dat, I can assume that you destroyed the score that is my failed (first!) 1cc attempt on my first day of playing. Congratulations.

[19:42] <Sapz> I think that's the only time I've ever seen a suicide bullet shoot its own suicide bullet

Tengukami

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Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2010, 01:34:20 AM »
I heartily approve. This is the kind of stuff Fightest and I were talking about as a 4koma, so I'm already a fan of the idea. And this reads well, too.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2010, 02:16:51 AM »
tewithumbsup.jpg

Dead Princess Sakana

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Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2010, 05:32:33 AM »
Heh, that looks like it will get interesting~

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2010, 11:25:10 PM »
ohmigodohmigod


Cigar aside, Reimu Reimu <3~

edit: I just have to post this, because it fits too much.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2010, 05:00:55 AM by Raymoo »
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

AhKi

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Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2010, 03:59:54 PM »
       I know what the obvious choice here is. It?s to cut the crap and find the missing cat. Well, if I always took the obvious choice I?d be out of work. It?ll be much easier to find the missing fox since she?s been gone less time. If Yukari?s home is a tool shed: Ran is a hatchet and Chen is a hammer. It?s not hard to believe the fox might have left bread crumbs.

   Following that train of thought and the habitual shuffling of my sandals during an investigation, I find myself in the urban cesspool that is the ?Human Village? or rather a block on the edge of town. A rough block. It doesn?t help that I take the alleys but no one is stupid enough to come at me, especially not when I have my working ribbon on. I hear an obvious clomping sound of heavy geta followed by a snicker.

   I turn abruptly. That stops the girl in her tracks. A confused looking karakasa ghost is holding the world?s ugliest umbrella overhead looking like she?s not sure if she should call for help or hit me with it. Usual suspect around these parts. I wait a few seconds to see if she?s going to say anything. When she doesn?t, I give her a monotone ?Boo,? and flick my dying cigarette at her. She looks pretty disappointed so I figure it?s my win and return to shuffling toward my intended destination: Mystie?s.

   This place is the epitome of a hole in the wall but it?s the best place to find out what?s going on. The patrons naturally clear a path for me as I make my way up to the bar counter. I smirk at that. These lowlifes know better. They all seem to be hiding something behind their backs from me. Smart kids.

   I don?t have to wait long before the barkeep rushes over to me. ?Uh? It?s you again? What do you want? You?re killing my business.? She folds her wings in and gives me a sour look. Same old same old. ?Fine,? I say, and slide some coin her way. ?I?m looking for the nekomata or the kitsune from Mayoiga. They been around? Anyone seen them?? I take the chance for a smoke while she answers.

   She reaches out with those talons of hers and slides the money into her pocket. ?All right, All right.? The sparrow leans in close. ?Look everyone here saw them both. The cat was making a scene out in the village like she wanted to be noticed and the fox came a few days after making a scene about looking for the cat. It?s not like it?s a secret. I?m still taking your money, though. Now get out before I call every youkai in this town over here.? She makes a subtle nod at the door and I wave her off dismissively. ?Yeah, fine. I got it. Thanks for the info.? I head back out the door and light another smoke.

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Sorry this bit took me so long to write. Busy days. I'll have more and better additions in the future. Ta~

« Last Edit: June 01, 2010, 04:05:56 PM by AhKi »
The old man the boat.
The cotton clothing is made of grows in Mississippi.

Some sentences are better than others. These are those sentences.

atoms2ashes

  • I am lame, and I shall not be forced to become otherwise.
  • Fresco makes everything better.
Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #7 on: June 01, 2010, 05:16:32 PM »
You make my insides squirm for joy~

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2010, 11:35:04 PM »
StopmakingReimusmokesomuch D:
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

AhKi

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Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2010, 02:30:08 AM »
StopmakingReimusmokesomuch D:

Just pretend they're ultralights or something.
The old man the boat.
The cotton clothing is made of grows in Mississippi.

Some sentences are better than others. These are those sentences.

nintendonut888

  • So those that live now, pledge on your fists and souls
  • Leave a sign of your life, no matter how small...
Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2010, 06:17:52 AM »
Cool story bro.
nintendonut888: Hey Baity. I beat the high score for Sanae B hard on the score.dat you sent me. X3
Baity: For a moment, I thought you broke 1.1billion. Upon looking at my score.dat, I can assume that you destroyed the score that is my failed (first!) 1cc attempt on my first day of playing. Congratulations.

[19:42] <Sapz> I think that's the only time I've ever seen a suicide bullet shoot its own suicide bullet

AhKi

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Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2010, 07:45:54 PM »
   On my way back to replenish my bourbon seeing how it?s only got about a swig left. I hear some shouting and I can already tell what?s what. The girl from the alley, a karakasa ghost named Kogasa. She likes to jack people suddenly and take em for all they got being that she?s too tough for normal people to handle. Too bad she?s bad at sneaking up on folks so she ends up biting off more than she can chew. Were my mood worse earlier I?d have done what?s being done right now.

   Seems the genius tried to lay hands on my rival in business: Marisa, a hired muscle that no one ever hires. She?s the type to shoot first and a- well she just shoots first, I guess. Bad move, either way. I?ll step in this time but I don?t give a rat?s ass about the ghost getting her due but I want to talk to Marisa and I?m in no mood to wait.

   Now, getting into the middle of flying fists isn?t the smartest idea. Especially when all four fists belong to infamous people. Luckily, I have a plan: be the more infamous person of the three. The quickest way to get Marisa into a conversation is to end this nonsense.

       I know neither one notices me since they?re fixed on each other so I throw in a sucker punch and show them both why people come to me to solve their problems. The ghost gets her whispy ass floored in one go. She?s the type who can dish it out but she can?t take it. Marisa turns on me and reaches for the heat she?s always packing but my best game face makes her think twice.

       Her hand shoots from her strap to fix her hat, as if anyone can see that it?s crooked in this alley, and shows off her freakishly white teeth as a greeting. ?Reimu. Always stealing my thunder, god damn!? A friendly greeting from her. Ours is a friendship that thrives on competition. ?Marisa.? We both take out our flasks and celebrate our chance meeting with a swallow.

   ?So what brings you out of your office? Want to come out for a drink with me?? She pokes the unconscious ghost on the floor with her foot. I smirk because her timing is just uncanny. I just left a bar but I should stay mostly dry while I?m on the job. ?I can?t. I?m working right now. You seen the gap pack around??

   She shakes her head. ?Shit. Who ever sees any of them around? If you?re taking missing pets jobs you?re worse off than my shop.? I stay straight faced but I?m not about to take that nonsense. ?Well, people actually hire me. Seems they crossed the boundary and the old lady wants me to find them. Something smells, though. She could find them easier than I could.?

   She polishes off her flask and screws on the cap. ?She?s playin? you. Shikigami are connected to their master spiritually.? I nod. I already knew that. ?Yep. But she?s paying and it?s an easy enough job.?    I shake my head at how pathetic that sounds. She seems to like that but I?m sure I?ll pay her back in spades at some point so I?m not too upset. We knock our empty flasks together. ?Well if I get a lead I?ll make sure?n not tell you so I can get the pay myself. See ya ?round, Reimu.?
   I wave her off in dismissal and head on my way. ?Yeah, yeah. Fall into a hole. See you.? Kogasa is stirring as we head off so I sift through her stuff and pocket some yen. What a useful criminal. I leave her to her groaning, headache induced waking and head back to the office.

       I hadn?t thought of how sad a state of affairs this whole mess is. Going back to the office is the smart move. Yukari will show up tonight or tomorrow to gloat that I?ve not solved her case yet but I?m not in the mood. If she won?t cough up more information then I?m dropping this case. I head back up the hill with the feeling I need a shower. If you want respect in this town and you?re a human, you need to distance yourself from this place. It?s full of bottom feeders and scavengers.

   I perish the thought as I reach a midway up the hill to the torii leading to my office and break open my coat so that I can sprint. I know that smell, sound, and flickering light. A building up ahead was burning and there?s only one building. I emerge from under the torii, ready to throw down.

   Not surprisingly, the office is on fire and so is my temper. Yukari?s two thugs stand in front of the fire with their arms crossed. She saves me the time of beating her goons into telling me where she is by jeering at me from behind. ?My, my. This is really unfortunate, Reimu. It seems while you were out something terrible happened.?

   As I turn, she?s already in my face. I don?t care to dance around issues or wait for answers so I draw my weapon. The red light from the fire dances off the paper streamers from my weapon. I figure it?s a great time to stick my gun in her face and demand some answers. Before I can, though, she calls out. ?Girls!?

   Next thing I know, I?m dodging bullets like raindrops. By the time it?s over, she?s back behind her thugs. She stands in front of the fire as if presenting it as a gift. I jam my gun back into my coat. I didn?t come this far by shooting my answers in the face so I have to swallow my anger right now. Or expel it like built up steam. ?Why?!?

   She grins and fans herself with her hand. ?Why? Who knows? Sounds like a mystery, Reimu.? Just like that they all slip out of sight through boundaries and leave me standing like a fool. Fire licks the night sky and the roaring is deafening. Suika is nowhere to be seen but a fire is hardly a threat to her. This is bullshit. If I know Yukari, she?s gone until I solve her riddle.

   A client that doesn?t pay up and then cost me money needs to be taught a lesson. First, I have to solve this riddle of hers. After that I?ll have to pay her back in full. I fix my bow and turn away from the fire. I have a lot of work to do. I hate doing work.

-------------------------------
Longest post yet. Woohoo! Now we're in the shit!
The old man the boat.
The cotton clothing is made of grows in Mississippi.

Some sentences are better than others. These are those sentences.

nintendonut888

  • So those that live now, pledge on your fists and souls
  • Leave a sign of your life, no matter how small...
Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2010, 08:27:19 PM »
Oooooh, it's on now.
nintendonut888: Hey Baity. I beat the high score for Sanae B hard on the score.dat you sent me. X3
Baity: For a moment, I thought you broke 1.1billion. Upon looking at my score.dat, I can assume that you destroyed the score that is my failed (first!) 1cc attempt on my first day of playing. Congratulations.

[19:42] <Sapz> I think that's the only time I've ever seen a suicide bullet shoot its own suicide bullet

Iced Fairy

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Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #13 on: June 18, 2010, 11:30:08 PM »
And the shrine is on fire.  Again.  We know how this ends.  It ends with some youkai lying face down in the gutter.  But they never learn.

Oh wait, this is a hardboiled detective story.  It could end with Reimu face down in the gutter....

Or multiple people.

Hm, I wonder what Suika's thinks about this?

Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #14 on: June 18, 2010, 11:39:16 PM »
Rut-roh :o

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: Hakurei, Paradise Investigator
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2010, 01:23:23 AM »
I'm really enjoying this. It's got all the hyperbole of a hard-boiled detective story, turned up to 11. There's so much you can do with the genre, too.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."