##Request: Crack-Fic AuthorI'm too lazy to work this out into full-flavor so somebody else can have a go. All I did for this one was add a few lines, change this, that but other than that I know nothing. Original PMs avaliable upon request.
A fight has broken out between huh what and Drake! A crowd quickly gathers around them, and despite the dangers of being exposed in the middle of this selective challenge, they have a Children's Trading Card Game Battle!"I play my
Rocket Launcher That Also Shoots Fists Made Out Of Lasers At The Same Time And Always Fires First Card!", huh what declared, with a confident smug on his face.
"The rockets will blow up any sort of scissors, and the laser fists will burn paper and crush rock. You never specified this in the rules, so let's assume that all cards which are not rock, paper or scissors are considered to be the same type of card and draw against each other. However, my Rocket Launcher That Also Shoots Fists Made Out Of Lasers At The Same Time And Always Fires First Card always fires first, so even if we were to tie, I would win because his would not fire first."
"Additionally, I would like to play a trap card on the side. This trap card states that if Drake manages to win against me or tie with me despite my card's unlimited power, I am allowed to repeatedly sucker punch him in the face and steal his Star Chips anyway."
"I play
Enemy Controller.", Drake calmly replied. "As you may or may not know, Enemy Controller is a Quick Play card and thus is used before any other card that isn't a Counter-Trap regardless of the individual card's effect (which in Rock/Paper/Scissors is extraordinarily unlikely to begin with). I input..."
> ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → Ⓑ Ⓐ
"Which allows me to take control of his active card and give him my own. I would assume that because this isn't exactly specified in the rules I would just choose a card at random, but Paper seems like a rational choice since Enemy Controller is a card and is indeed made of paper. I would also assume that if by chance my opponent's card was in fact not Rock, Paper or Scissors that I would use my opponent's card to my benefit as much as possible. This includes say, a win by destroying the opposing card or something silly such as that."
"Additionally, I would like to play a counter-trap card on the side. This card states that if huh what sets a trap in any form that for some reason allows him to sucker punch me repeatedly in the face and steal my nonexistent Star Chips, that my hitbox shrinks to minuscule proportions and subsequently his sucker punches that were specified to hit me in the face miss me, only to nab me graze points, allowing any possible win, loss or draw (hopefully in my favor) to continue without interruption."
And then go crazy from there.
Cut:
A Professional knows when to make a move that would put him/her into a better position 
Point.
