How many of you are Square Enix fans? Of those of you who are, ever played The World Ends With You?
Yeah, this is a crack parody of it. With Touhou.
The "literature" featured in this topic is in no way intended to be taken seriously. It is poorly written, relies on cheap humor, and is not mentally stimulating. It will not make you happy there are more writers in the world, and it will not make you believe in the inherent goodness of the human race.
That said, do Enjoy~
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TEWI
Touhou Ends With Inaba
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Week 1, Day 1
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Tewi: *Skipping through Gensobuya, a Popular shopping district in Gensokyo* OUTA MY FACE! .... Just Kidding~ <3 *Gets slapped across the ass by someone in a huff*
Sigh...I don't get people. No one can take a joke. Ah well, at least I have the art of CHEN to look forward to every day~ *Puts her ears on her head, and then stares at the screen* Yeah, that's right, they're detachable!
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Tewi: *wakes up lying on the ground in the Scramble Crossing. She sees a Player
Pin in her hand* What the whoozits? *flips the Player pin in her hand and catches it*
Tewi: (WHOAH! I CAN HEAR VOICES WITH MY MIND. I MUST BE GAHNDI.)
???: You're not Gahndi. -.-
Tewi: Nyoro~n?
Reisen: You're a player.
Tewi: Oh, so I get to sleep with lots of hot chicks and I won't be called a whore?
Reisen: I'll call you a whore.
Tewi: Well who cares what you think?
Reisen: Your mother.
Tewi: Well who cares what she thinks?
Reisen: The Slamurai King.
Tewi: Oh shit. That's serious then. Speaking of which, I have no idea where I am, and only know my name and values.
Reisen: How is that "Speaking of Which"?
Tewi: Usa~
Reisen: ... Anyway, like I said, you're a player.
Tewi: So I get to-
Reisen: Not THAT kind of player. I mean a player in a game. The Youkai's Game.
Tewi: What's that?
Reisen: It's a game that we players have to compete in, or else we get erased.
Tewi: That doesn't sound good.
Reisen: That's because it isn't, stupid.
Tewi: Such a cruel thing to say.... *Epic Cry*
Reisen: Uh... I'm sorry?
Tewi: Just kidding~<3
*Suddenly, some Fairies appeared! ..... With Spears!*
Tewi: Ah! Oh no!
Reisen: Quick, make a pact with me!
Tewi: Make a what now?
Reisen: A pact, stupid! So we can fight the Fairies!
Tewi: Ooooooooohhhh..... how do I do that?
Reisen: Just say "I accept"!
Tewi: And what if I don't?
Reisen: *Points*
Tewi: *Looks in the direction she's pointing*
Letty: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *Getting torn apart alive by Fairies*
Reisen: You'll get erased.
Tewi: o.o
Letty: *Smiling a bloody smile while laying on the ground in a pool of red* I lived a good life. *Disappears*
Tewi: >_< I ACCEPT!
*FLASHY LIGHTS*
Reisen: Now, let's fight these things! *Grabs a nearby fairy and burries her knee in its face*
Tewi: *Takes out a knife and starts cutting some throats*
Reisen: Look out! She's got a gun!
Big Fairy: *Has a crazed look in its eye as it starts unloading a clip*
Reisen: *Dives behind a trash can*
Tewi: *Dives behind a car*
Reisen: Here! Use this! *Throws Tewi a Pin*
Tewi: A pin? Oooh, it has pretty circles on it~
Reisen: Use it, stupid! Imagine using it as a weapon!
Tewi: Okay then~ *concentrates for a moment and suddenly UNLEASHES SOME FUCKING DANMAKU*
Big Fairy: x_X
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Meanwhile...
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Reimu: Sigh.... this is awful.
Marisa: Awful? AWFUL? We haven't had work in forever!
Reimu: I know that, and I would have liked for it to stay that way. Work is such a hassle...
Marisa: Well, Day 1 has the most Players. Today's a great time to get some points, ze!
Reimu: Eh, fine, fine. Wouldn't want the higher ups thinking I'm a no-good Shrine Maiden. Let's at least make a game of it. Youkai Sport 3 - Player Extermination. Loser buys the winner some Tea.
Marisa: Heheh, you're on! *Flies off on her broom*
Reimu: ... *sits down and starts sipping tea*
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Tewi: So, I was supposed to look at my phone?
Reisen: Yes, when it beeped.
Tewi: But I don't know what a phone is.
Rinnosuke: *Pops up out of Nowhere* A Cell Phone is a magic box that let's you talk to people, and send them messages. The Youkai running the game use it to distribute missions. Ta ta! *Vanishes*
Tewi: That was very informative.
Reisen: This is a phone. *Pulls out a Cell Phone and shows it to Tewi*
Tewi: I see, I see~
Reisen: Anyway, we have a mission.
Tewi: And that is?
Reisen: "Reach Kourindou. And buy me some Yakitori. Fail, and I eat you. ~ Yuyuko. <3"
Tewi: Oh, well, there's Kourindou right there. *Points*
Reisen: Oh? *Looks*
Tewi: Just kidding~<3
Reisen: *Slaps Tewi across the ass*
Tewi: *Rubs her booty* So why do we have to do missions? And who are you~?
Reisen: I'm Reisen Udongein Inaba. We're partners now, so remember it. And we have to complete the missions to survive the game.
Tewi: *Skips off*
Reisen: Hey! Don't just run off on your own!
Tewi: Why not?
Reisen: Because, we need to stick together to win the game!
Tewi: But I don't wanna play. Anyway, you're boring, and have no sense of humor.
Reisen: You don't get it, do you? We're stuck here in Gensobuya, and have no choice but to play the game.
Tewi: Why~
Reisen: Because we-
Komachi: Yo~o.
Reisen: ...
Tewi: Hello. Who are you?
Komachi: Shinigami here. Just checking to make sure you two have a pact. Wall clear!
*Behind her, a mystical wall disappears*
Komachi: Have fun. *Walks off*
Tewi: *Hops off*
Reisen: What did I just say!
Tewi: But look, we're at Kourindou.
Reisen: ....Oh.
Tewi: Anyway, I'm done playing your game, so-
???: Excuse me.
Tewi: Hmmmm?
*Yuyuko Appears!*
Yuyuko: Could you buy me some Yakitori, please?
*One purchase later, Yuyuko was a happy camper, and she floated off*
Tewi: Another good deed~
Reisen: Hey, look - the timer.
Tewi: Even though it wasn't previously addressed, I had a timer pn my hand! =D
Reisen: And now it's gone.
Tewi: I guess the mission is over.
Marisa: Tch, big deal. Only an idiot would screw up the first mission~
Reisen: And who might you be?
Marisa: Ah, no one, no one. Just an ordinary witch, looking for some points. So here, play with these! *Summons some Fairies*
Tewi: !!! Not more of those!
*The Fairies range from chainsaw-wielding to chain-swinging, many of them are scarred, and a few have tongues hanging out of their mouths in maniac grins*
Reisen: Hey, trickster! Focus on me, and we can win this!
Tewi: I don't want to.
Reisen: *Slaps her across the ass*
Tewi: Fine, fine~
*After a very, very bloody battle...*
Tewi: *Strangling the last fairy with her own intestines* And......DIE!
Fairy: *Wretches and dies in its entrails*
Reisen: Looks like that takes care of today.
Tewi: So you're serious then? I have to play?
Reisen: If you want to live. By the way, here's some more Pins for you to use - they're how we're SUPPOSED to fight.They each use Danmaku.
Tewi: (So, I'm stuck here.....in Gensobuya.....hmmmmmmm~)
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Day 1, Youkai's Game, Chapter End.
