My opinion is that Youmu should have bangs that end just above her eyes and otherwise uniform length all around, between chin and shoulder-length. Stylistic preferences vary, but character-wise, I think this description fits her appearance best. I'll be commenting on the 1st edit version.
Well, first ask yourself if you would want that haircut, with the uneven bangs. One does not cut hair into shapes; you part them or clump them together. Anime tends to be a bit forgiving on this, but your bangs are very uneven. Try to keep the length uniform, more or less. You don't have to avoid the eye area like the plague. Anime hair tends to look good even if it covers or is very close to the eyes. So you can either lengthen the right part or shorten the middle part, up to you. If you choose to cover a bit of the top of the eye, then you could make the hair transparent in that area, some people do that.
The 2nd one looks a bit more even, though still a tad unbalanced, it's up to you.