Maidens of the Kaleidoscope

~Hakurei Shrine~ => Patchouli's Scarlet Library => Topic started by: Usually Dead on August 27, 2009, 05:03:25 AM

Title: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on August 27, 2009, 05:03:25 AM
We have another Ibunshu installment!

The next story in the Retelling of Oriental Stories arc is Touhou Toshinanto, Remorse in Secession's Nobility.

Like always, it's available to read along with the rest of Ibunshu at my website, following the pathing:

http://usuallydead.com --> Stories --> Retelling of Oriental Stories

This newest story will be the first of two that act as preludes to Ibunshu's final installment. Please read, discuss, and post typos below! 
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Kilgamayan on August 27, 2009, 05:04:26 AM
first
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on August 27, 2009, 06:53:32 AM
Darn, not calling it "Retellishable Night." ;)
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Herasy on August 27, 2009, 06:58:25 AM
Ok, I just finished it. While the way Reisen seems to think about things reminded me a little too much of how Sakuya also thinks, I still like how you portrayed her. Reisen does indeed make the rough slightly inept soldier character fit her quite well.
Tewi is a jerk, as per usual. Although it seemed a little out of character for her to prank someone so far as to compromise the safety of the mansion and her rabbits.

I suppose I don't really have much to say about this installment like all installments. But it was still as wonderful to read as your previous installments. I look forward to the next parts!

Also a typo I noticed in chapter 5:
"I’m the only one who remained loyal after was ousted"

P.S
I smirked at the Eirin x Kaguya lesbianism
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: FinnKaenbyou on August 27, 2009, 11:15:47 AM
I probably wasn't looking as intently as I could, but I found two typos in Part 5:

"Eirin kept her bow at the ready, but she didn?t draw the strong."

"The arrow disappeared into the mob, but not entirely. The arrowhead kept is effect."

It'd take me a while to say everything I LIKED about this story, so it might be faster to focus on the one thing that irked me a little.

I know that it's different because it's an origin story, but it was somewhat offputting to see Reisen think back to the whole Tsukito attack almost every five seconds. It's a valid point, yes, and perfectly logical, but sometimes it felt like it was happening a little too often.

That's not to say I didn't enjoy it - hell, I'll admit my pulse was probably racing during the
Reisen attempting suicide scene
- but as a reader I did slightly start saying 'alright, I get it, she's scarred after everyone she knew died and she ended up
giving Sakuya over to Remilia
, I don't need to keep seeing her break down in tears whenever she's alone'.

Besides that little complaint, it's your usual great work. In particular I actually really like the way you write Eirin, which means something since I normally don't care for her much as a character.

All in all, looking forward to seeing the continua-
This newest story will be the first of two that act as preludes to Ibunshu's final installment.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on August 27, 2009, 02:55:45 PM
Thank you thank you. The above typos are corrected.

Darn, not calling it "Retellishable Night." ;)

Don't worry, dood. It ain't the end yet.

(But naaaaah, not gonna use that name. You're welcome to it!  :D )
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on August 27, 2009, 04:10:32 PM
Actually, I was hoping to steal "Redefined Fantastic Object." It's cool. |3
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on August 27, 2009, 04:20:18 PM
Actually, I was hoping to steal "Redefined Fantastic Object." It's cool. |3

I'm not too hip to UFO, neither the game nor the characters. You're welcome to it.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Kilgamayan on August 27, 2009, 04:53:13 PM
No one has noticed the Easter Egg yet.

MotK, I am disappoint.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Von Stein on August 27, 2009, 06:24:11 PM
*sighs* One of the first Touhou related sites I came across, and I just now got around to reading the stuff on it. Ayayayayaya.

I do have to say I like your writing style though. [/trying to sound like he knows what he's talking about.]

Thanks.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on August 27, 2009, 06:51:42 PM
Also, methinks the bunny doth protest too much at the beginning of chapter 6.

And I forgot to mention, but: bah, I prefer Kaguya x Mokou. Mind you, this is because I'm completely freaking nuts.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: FinnKaenbyou on August 27, 2009, 07:02:55 PM
Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Oh, you.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Zengar Zombolt on August 27, 2009, 07:22:40 PM
Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Oh, you.
Oh... wow.
:V
Also you couldn't avoid giving a detailed description of Eirin's breasts.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Moerin on August 27, 2009, 07:24:42 PM
Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Oh, you.

I was wondering when someone would point that out...

Oh well, I guess I'll have to read this when I get some free time~

This newest story will be the first of two that act as preludes to Ibunshu's final installment.

Aw, I was looking forward to seeing how you'd fit the phrase "Phantasmagoria of Flower View" into the story...
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Kilgamayan on August 27, 2009, 07:33:15 PM
Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Oh, you.

We has a winner!
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Mobius on August 30, 2009, 02:49:17 AM
Dead, you bastard. I'm trying to get clean and you're not helping. I come back after all this time to find pure gold waiting for me. Fresh, top quality heroin fanfiction.


Never stop writing. I don't care if Ibunshu is nearing its end. Write something else, then. Just never EVER stop.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Nine West on August 30, 2009, 03:14:38 AM
This shall be known as ReiSeN.

This newest story will be the first of two that act as preludes to Ibunshu's final installment.

Egads! Does this mean that you'll stop writing about Touhou?
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on August 30, 2009, 03:27:50 AM

Quote

Egads! Does this mean that you'll stop writing about Touhou?

No no. I don't think I could stop writing Touhou-related things. There's just too much to do.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Nine West on August 30, 2009, 03:43:13 AM
No no. I don't think I could stop writing Touhou-related things. There's just too much to do.

I see, do you plan to retell the stories of the games after Imperishable Night?
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on August 30, 2009, 03:57:07 AM
I don't really know, truth be told. It's kind of hard to say what's going to happen until I get there.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Kilgamayan on August 30, 2009, 04:06:18 AM
This shall be known as ReiSeN.

That was the plan.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on September 02, 2009, 03:10:45 AM
Oh dear. I've pretty much figured out
how just about all the Impossible Requests are to be fulfilled
... naturally, I have just enough information to come up with two completely different trains of logic, both of which are most likely dead wrong, but ...
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on September 02, 2009, 03:55:04 AM
Oh dear. I've pretty much figured out
how just about all the Impossible Requests are to be fulfilled


You're amazing man. You know even more about these stories than I do.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on September 02, 2009, 05:24:27 AM
So you're making it up as you go along to an even more ridiculous degree than I was for the first half of Catness, considering these stories are supposed to be serious? :P
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on September 02, 2009, 05:32:01 AM
I've admitted before that I'm very much an author who figures out things as he goes along. The awe and respect that I pay to this trade is that things always seem to work out, not in spite of this lack of concern over the future, but seemingly because of it.

I don't mean to say that I'm going into this entirely blind. I'm not. I have ideas about where I'm going, even if those ideas aren't totally defined or set in stone. It's just that you, Muffin, offer some of the most cutting criticism I get on MoTK. This is not a bad thing. I do appreciate what you have to say. But it gives me lisence to tease you back now and again. :P
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Blackraptor on September 02, 2009, 06:07:07 AM

This newest story will be the first of two that act as preludes to Ibunshu's final installment.


Awwww...and I really enjoy reading about GRIMsokyo. Upside is since it WILL be ending Ibunshu you just know that UD has something eartshattering to reveal in the end to make everyone go :V then ;_; then :D

If that will be the case then...

(http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/9752/1250746192758.jpg)

I just hope it doesn't end with everyone doing a heroic sacrifice or Gensokyo getting wiped out because of a Lunarian Invasion or something...
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Nine West on September 02, 2009, 06:09:52 AM
This newest story will be the first of two that act as preludes to Ibunshu's final installment.
Awwww...and I really enjoy reading about GRIMsokyo.

Come on, it's not that depressing...  :D
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Zengar Zombolt on September 02, 2009, 06:11:39 AM
But it gives me lisence to tease you back now and again. :P
UDXMUFFIN.
NOW.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Pesco on September 02, 2009, 07:38:03 AM
IMO Tewi would have run off without a second thought rather than stay and apologise.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Fightest on September 02, 2009, 02:52:05 PM
Ah, wonderful, my first post on the forum and I'm here to complain, what an entrance.

Anyway: all over the place "solider" is used as opposed to "soldier". Could that be fixed?

Otherwise, an enjoyable read  :).
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on September 02, 2009, 03:33:13 PM
Don't worry about that kind of complaint! Typos are exactly the thing I want to hear about. "Solider", kind of embarrassing. I believe it's corrected now.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on September 02, 2009, 04:00:27 PM
But it gives me lisence to tease you back now and again. :P
UDXMUFFIN.
NOW.
I dunno, is he cute? Or at least generically sexy? |3
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Zengar Zombolt on September 02, 2009, 08:39:52 PM
But it gives me lisence to tease you back now and again. :P
UDXMUFFIN.
NOW.
I dunno, is he cute? Or at least generically sexy? |3
Let me rephrase that.
UD, Are you hot?
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Usually Dead on September 02, 2009, 08:46:08 PM
I'm not sure. Let me ask any of the 400 bikini-wearing women lounging in my bedroom. I'll give you an answer when they get back to me.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: padathir on September 02, 2009, 08:47:13 PM
I'm not sure. Let me ask any of the 400 bikini-wearing women lounging in my bedroom. I'll give you an answer when they get back to me.

Could you tell them to stop spilling over into my room? I mean, sure, they are hot and all, but I am trying to do some serious internet here.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: padathir on September 02, 2009, 08:48:29 PM
But it gives me lisence to tease you back now and again. :P
UDXMUFFIN.
NOW.
I dunno, is he cute? Or at least generically sexy? |3
Let me rephrase that.
UD, Are you hot?

I have pictures of UD in interesting poses available for very low prices, just visit my place of business in the alley behind the liquor store...
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Alfred F. Jones on September 02, 2009, 08:54:10 PM
I have pictures of UD in interesting poses available for very low prices, just visit my place of business in the alley behind the liquor store...

UD dressed in a bathtowel wearing bunny ears. Can you supply the goods?
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on September 02, 2009, 10:23:11 PM
So, uh, getting back on track, yeah (http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=retellishable).
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Nine West on September 03, 2009, 12:04:55 AM
So, uh, getting back on track, yeah (http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=retellishable).

'twas a Good Show, Muffin.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Zengar Zombolt on September 03, 2009, 12:10:50 AM
yeah (http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=retellishable)
Oh, you went there.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on September 03, 2009, 01:12:12 AM
yeah (http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=retellishable)
Oh, you went there.
Where? :o
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Zengar Zombolt on September 03, 2009, 01:23:37 AM
yeah (http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=retellishable)
Oh, you went there.
Where? :o

To the part where you break the unbreakable.
ROW ROW FI(ry
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Kilgamayan on September 03, 2009, 01:31:55 AM
And then I broke it further.

But that's between Kimiko and myself.
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on September 03, 2009, 03:00:38 AM
You know you liked it. |3
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Zengar Zombolt on September 03, 2009, 03:16:25 AM
You know you liked it. |3
Ok, then... KilgaXMuffinXUD?
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Blackraptor on September 03, 2009, 03:27:10 AM
You know you liked it. |3
Ok, then... KilgaXMuffinXUD?
I like where this is going...
Title: Re: Remorse in Secession's Nobility
Post by: Nine West on September 03, 2009, 03:29:41 AM
You know you liked it. |3
Ok, then... KilgaXMuffinXUD?

Don't forget Donut. :P


On-topic: I really hope UD will get around in including every (the Windows ones, at least) Touhou characters in his stories. I would like to see his interpretations of all the characters. ;)