> check shirt color> Shirt? Don't be silly. Fairies wear dresses when they aren't on duty.
> check abilities
> We don't know what our name means, but it's long, so it must be good: EXPENDABLE>Your name is Expendable Collateral! But that's way too long for most fairies to pronounce, so normally you just go by the name Penny.
"Um, can I help you? If you're looking for the little girl's room, it's on the other side of the station. Or there are some bushes outside if you can't wait that long..."
>Are those glasses shiny?
>Claim them if they are!
> Do we actually have to go to the bathroom?>No. Like a good girl, you went to the bathroom before you left.
>Are those glasses shiny?>Sadly this fairy has taken precautions for this exact reason. She's wearing the infamous Dull-U-Bore brand of glasses, so un-shiny that no fairy would ever consider taking them. She probably needs them to see, but even she seems to wince from wearing them.
>Claim them if they are!
>Announce your presence... with GUSTO! And enthusiasm. And all that other fun stuff.>You jump onto her desk and declare your will to the heavens! YES I AM VERY GLAD THAT I HAVE BEEN FORCEFULLY CONSCRIPTED INTO THE NAVY.
>"..and I'm here because the paper with the words on it told me to be here!"
>The biggest? Wow!>Indeed! You take pity on any fairy whose name couldn't be used in the final round of a spelling bee. When you meet someone with a name like Luna or Ash, you can't help but feel a little bit superior to them.
>Of course, only the biggest spaceship can fit a name of your magnitude!
I wonder if Miss McLongname will be surprised to find out we've taken her place.>Oh, that's not the worst name anyone's ever called you. You've been known as Little Miss Alphabet, ABCDEFG(and so on), and You Expect Me To Pronounce That Seriously What Is Wrong With You.
> Left's the one on the right, right? These ports and starboards are really confusing.> As you attempt to recall whether right is left and left is wrong, you step out into the docking bay. Half a dozen of the best ships the fairy navy has stretch out in front of you, each one more marvelous than the one before it. It's amazing what you can do with enough duct tape.
> Can we actually spell our own name?> You have a little booklet with it written down in big letters in case you forget. Which happens rather often.
> How many l's do we think colateral has?
> Pfft, as if we'd fall for that. The real shiny things are inside the ship.> You step through the tunnel into the ship's airlock. The door closes behind you with a satisfying hiss. There's some impressive tech here, but the walls are laced with crayon markings. Most of them are along the lines of 'BLOSSUM WUZ HEER', but occasionally you see a picture of a kitty or a bunny in surprisingly fine detail.
> "I'm Expendable!"
> "What's a...bees-knees? Is it shiny? And I have one? Where is it?" Pat yourself in search of the bees-knees.>You try in vain to discover your bees-knees, but all you can find are regular knees. Maybe this computer is malfunctioning.
>"Hi!"
> "I'm Expendable!"
> "EXPENDABUBBLE">"Error! No recruit 'Expendable Expendabubble' found. Defaulting to 'Expendable Collateral.'"
> How do we know how to pronounce our name correctly? Can we do that?>Well, the Fairy Queen pronounced it for you when you chose the name for yourself. And the Fairy Queen knows everything. You learned how to pronounce it by copying her intently.
>Wave our arms through her.>"Please stop disturbing my photons," Ada says quietly. "They're perfectly fine where they are."
> What's a man?
>If this is a kingdom, is there a king? If not, shouldn't this be a queendom?
> What's a man? More importantly, are they shiny?>There aren't many men in the Fairy Kingdom, and normally their job is to deal with all the boring stuff that comes with running a country (polly-ticks and fy-nahns and stuff). King Oberon is too busy with his work to make many public appearances, but Queen Titania more than makes up for it - she takes time to name every little fairy that comes into the world. Plus girls get to do all the cool stuff like go into space.
> "Are 'Liv-in Coo-arse-ers' and 'Ann-ginny Room' my crewmates?"> "Negative. Your crewmates total seventy-three privates, 8 lieutenants, medical personnel, CO Bootstrap and Captain Blackwing. The captain is currently away dealing with a crew member who attempted to steal a vital component of the ship's exterior."
> Let's be perfectly frank, the CO is likely to have the most shinies. Let us learn from them.>You follow Ada into the living quarters. A huge corridor opens up in front of you, and at both sides are the largest bunk beds you've ever seen. Some would settle for putting two beds on top of each other, but fairies kick reason to the curb and won't settle for bunk beds with less than a dozen stories. Each bed has a little name tag next to it so its owner can claim their spot - though it looks like it'd be easy to rub out.
You aren't even sure if that sort of fairy actually exists.>Guess we haven't met Luna then.
>Does said ''fairy queen'' have blue hair, proclaims herself to be the strongest and has a green-haired associate?>No, though someone of that description did attempt to stage a coup a few months ago. The revolution ended when the rebellion found a passing butterfly more interesting than overthrowing the monarchy.
>"No way! I'm really good at chasing puppies!"
> "...puppy where?!">There are no puppies here. Between this and the bees-knees you're beginning to wonder if anyone on this ship can tell the truth.
>"Is a see-oh an animal or a fairy? You look like a fairy.">Bootstrap growls. "You will refer to me as Officer Bootstrap, private! If you dare to call me a 'fairy' again, you can just drop and gimme twenty!"
> "I just want a medal!"
> ask what we have to do to get that many shinies>At the mention of her medals, Bootstrap smiles. "Pretty, ain't they?" She runs a hand along them with the tenderness a mother would use to handle her child. "Ain't no-one in this navy that's got more medals than I do.
> consider plans to acquire Bootstrap's shinies until we have our own>The shinies jingle every time she moves, and they look pretty tightly pinned to her dress. If you wanted to take them, you'd probably have to go all the way and take her dress - which, admittedly, is not unheard of in fairydom.
> "Ooooooh...I wanna get shot! Wanna! Wanna! Wannaaa! Where do I find 'shots'? Are they sweet? Or...ooh...better, are they shiny? They must be if they're worth shinies, right?"
> "Oooh, ooh! I've got a hard head too! See?!" Headbutt to the face.
Come now, let's not go full retard. We're an upstanding representative!>Of course we are! It's not like we're sitting down!
> add "firing ourselves out of the missile chute" to the to-do-list, it sounds fun!>You add a new aspiration to your personal set of Important Life Goals. It's filed neatly between 'bake a cake' and 'global domination'.
>"But, I don't have twenty!"> "Of course ya don't! Why, I bet a whippersnapper like you doesn't even have TWO." Bootstrap folds her arms and pushes her face a few inches in front of yours. "But it's my job to turn ya into one of the fiercest, toughest, badassest fairies the navy's ever seen, so ya can get shot just as many times as I have."
>Keep our eyes glued to the shinies on her dress the entire time.>oh wow they're so pretty you want to just rub your face against them
> "Ooooooh...I wanna get shot! Wanna! Wanna! Wannaaa! Where do I find 'shots'? Are they sweet? Or...ooh...better, are they shiny? They must be if they're worth shinies, right?"> Bootstrap smirks. "You'll find shots in the guns of all the other mean things that float about in space. They all fire really shiny loud lasers, see, like PYUUUUUUUU~ DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA." She waves her arms about in the motion of holding a gun to get the point across. "They sound and look really really awesome. Unless they hit ya in the face. Then ya explode, but at least ya get a shiny for it."
> "When do we start collecting space shinies?">"When we go into space, obviously. Jeez, I know privates are stupid and all, but yer settin' a new low here."
> "Is there a planet made of shinies?"
> "Would firing ourselves out of a missile chute be fun? It sounds like fun.">"Oh, it's fun alright, but bein' a CO means I hafta be in charge." She pouts. "That means no-one gets to have fun unless I say they can. And recruits don't get their daily dose of happy before a whole lotta deck scrubbin'."
>"Have you done it?">"Course I have! It's one-a my favourite attack strategies. Thing is, those torpedo tubes are fer commandin' officers only." Her helmet lifts up for a moment, and you see brilliant red eyes underneath. "And so if I see ya standin' anywhere near one, it won't be twenty ya give me. It'll be a bajillion."
> Who is the enemy, again?> There are lots of enemies, apparently! There are people who look like fairies but have no wings and wear lots of bulky metal, there are monsters of every shape and size, and more or less any unnatural abomination you can think of. Lots of them seem to hate fairies solely because they're 'not serious enough' or something, which seems like blatant discrimination to you.
> Have we ever tried baking a cake to take over the world?> Once. It ended poorly, and you'll never look at peanut butter the same way again.
> If the see-oh person got that many shinies from this cap-stain person then she must have even more shinies! Let's find her!
>Wander off in search of something to eat.>"Yeah, good riddance." The moment you move away, Bootstrap gives you the traditional fairy salute - known in other cultures as 'blowing a raspberry'.
>Is Ada shiny?>Quite shiny, yes. Unfortunately you have already attempted to claim her for yourself to no avail.
> Where does food sit on our priority list? Above or below shinies?>This is actually a subject of intense philosophical debate among fairies. Scholars have argued for centuries whether 'that which glitters is delicious' or if 'that which tastes fine does not shine'. Friendships have been destroyed over disagreements on this - personally, you don't see what's wrong with just having cakes that are also shiny.
>Food! Glorious food!
> Obey the inscruitable exhortations of your soul. KITCHEN!>The smell is too strong for you to resist, and you pull away from Ada to stroll playfully towards the kitchen. The AI makes no attempt to bring you back.
>Sneakily steal a cupcake>You grab at one of the cupcakes, carefully picking it up with two fingers and lifting it off the tray.
> DO A BARREL ROLL!>You evade the oncoming chef's hat, bringing the whole tray of cupcakes along with you as you do. Golden Delicious is already charging at you, spoon raised like a weapon to attack!
>Aggressive fairy tackling maneuvers!>You try to mow her down, but with a tray stuck to your arm you can't manage much in the way of finesse. Delicious blocks your tackle easily, her spoon clanging against the tray as you use it as a makeshift shield. Thus begins a battle of peerless spoonsmanship, with Delicious pausing her attacks every few seconds to stir a pan but coming back too fast for you to escape. The tray already feels really heavy...
>"Woooow! You're good at this! Fighting, and cooking at the same time?! You're like some kinda...some kinda....Ah! Some kinda Superfairy!">"I AM THE CHEF THIS NAVY NEEDS!" she yells, in some sort of cooking/fighting bloodlust. "BUT NOT THE CHEF IT DESERVES!"
>There's nothing else for it! We'll have to eat our way free!>Good news - thanks to the immense power of your fairy jaw, you manage to pull the cupcake off the tray. It clatters to the floor, leaving your hands free again!
>Attempt to eat the cupcake that we're stuck to!
>Block spoon with cupcake.>The spoon dips into your open mouth, digging into the gluey cupcake and sticking in place. You have just enough time to see Delicious gasp before-
> Throw cupcake tray at her face. Let her eat cake!> You pick up the tray, taking care not to touch the cakes this time, and lob the whole thing at her. You catch Delicious right in the face with her own pastries, knocking her back against the far wall as the cupcakes on the tray stick to her face!
> If the above two plans don't work and we can't pull the cupcake back out, just swallow it to get rid of it.
> Along with the spoon? You're mad, sir.
>Attempt to gloat through the cupcake.>"Aaafaafaaafaa." Close enough.
>Attempt to remove the cupcake by using the spoon for leverage.
> Spit the cupcake out, Yoshi-style.> Sadly you only really know how to do the eating half of your Yoshi impression. If this cupcake is going anywhere, it's going down. It'll be a bit easier now that the spoon handle's come off, at least.
> If the above two plans don't work and we can't pull the cupcake back out, just swallow it to get rid of it.>You summon up all your gusto, channeling memories of your short-lived career in the Fairy Extreme Eating Championships. Years of training echo through your mind, that unconquerable drive to be a champion (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhlPAj38rHc), coach's gruff voice resounding in your ear. Are you gonna let some silly cupcake get the better of you? Not a chance in hell.
> Continue as if nothing had happened.> You casually stroll out of the kitchen, back to the 4-way junction. You are still holding half of Golden Delicious' wooden spoon, the other half of which is currently sitting in your stomach.
Wow. Fairies are great.>You gain 5 points of self-esteem.
> Eat O4rfish for previously not thinking fairies are great.>You try to eat the o4rfish, but there's a pesky fourth wall in the way.
> Where did Ada scamper off to? Is she still visible?
>Wave back into the kitchen. "Thank you! It was tasty!">Golden Delicious yells muffled obscenities at you from behind the cupcake tray. Here's hoping she didn't get a look at your name tag.
> Attempt to remember what we were doing before.>You were searching for the captain, presumed source of all the Shinies on this ship. Ada was meant to lead you to her, but you got a liiiiittle bit distracted.
>Do we get a shiny for besting the cupcake master?>You're not sure! Perhaps you should ask the captain when you meet her.
> Wander until you find the cap-stain thing or shinies, whichever comes first.
>They'll probably both be in the shiniest part of the ship though, so go where it is the shiniest!>You walk along the corridors of the ship, choosing the shiniest option every chance you get. It ends up bringing you up to the ship's top deck, the entire flooring covered with a metallic sheen. You hear a ruckus from the other side of the deck.
>"Are you the cap-stain?">"Aye, that be me." The fairy takes her hat off and bows to you. "Cap'n Blackwing, at yer service. I'll be guessing yer the girl Ada was meant tae bring me? Blasted machine never does anythin' right."
>"Expendable Collateral reporting for duty ma'am!">"Expe-what now?" Blackwing looks at your name tag, then gasps. "Ah, er...yer a private, so I'll just be callin' ye a private fer now. Aye, that sounds about right."
>"I also bested the cupcake fairy in combat! Do I get shinies for that?">"Eh? You beat Golden Delicious?" Blackwing seems puzzled momentarily. "Was she plannin' a mutiny? Cause if so I'd be willin' tae reward ye."
>Salute with both hands.>A two-handed raspberry? You really ARE a professional. Blackwing nods slightly in approval.
>Examine cap stain. Does she have eyes that burn like cigarettes?
>"Eh? You beat Golden Delicious?" Blackwing seems puzzled momentarily. "Was she plannin' a mutiny? Cause if so I'd be willin' tae reward ye."
"...Does a mutiny taste good?">"Wotsat? You thinkin' ae throwin' another mutiny on me ship?" Blackwing glares at you, her eyes suddenly catching fire. "Cause if ye are, I'll have tae come up with somethin' really mean tae do tae ye...like stick ye in the washing machine along with the dirty dresses." She looks away for a minute. "...Actually, that's a good idea. I need tae write that down sometime."
> When in doubt, lie our face off.> "Oh, aye?"
> "Yes, sir! Mutiny, sir. So much mutiny you wouldn't believe, sir!"
> give a shiny-sounding name to our newly acquired weapon
> how proficient are fairies at using weapons anyway?> You're not very good at killing people, if that's what you're getting at. Fairies have a natural habit of turning everything they touch into a non-lethal weapon, for reasons no-one has really been able to figure out. That said, you're VERY good at knocking people out.
> What was once a spatula must be called a Sparkler! That sounds pretty shiny.> You have acquired the Sparkler! This is definitely not an over-elaborate name for what is now just a piece of wood.
>follow the shinie- the cap stain>You follow the captain through the ship, eventually arriving at the bridge. There are dozens of screens and consoles across the room, though most of them are just painted on. In the main screen in the center, you can see Ada checking over the ship's condition one more time before take-off.
>Is the cap stain Sco'ish?>Not Scottish in particular... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=os5TXyJlEMc)
>Are there any green or yellow areas of the map?
>"That's the team who finds the giant shinies?!">"Aye. And the giant monsters, too, but that's not a problem mosta the time."
> "Will I get to get shot lots?" Look really really excited about the prospect.> "I see ye've been talkin' tae Bootstrap." Blackwing smirks. "If we run into anything with a gun, rest assured ye'll be on the front lines."
>we will go hunt for shinies and in the process get chances to get shot and thus get *more* shinies? Volunteer at once!
> Proclaim with enthusiasm, "You have my Sparkler, capstain!"
>ask about other noteworthy fairies on the ship, especially ones that are gonna be ourcompetition for shiniesteammates
> "I see ye've been talkin' tae Bootstrap." Blackwing smirks. "If we run into anything with a gun, rest assured ye'll be on the front lines."
>"Hooooraaaaay">Yaaaaaaaaaaay~
>Fly around a bit.
>"So, what do I do now cap-stain?">"Fer now?" Blackwing presses a red button on the center of the control panel. "Ye can watch and learn." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moZ6bJ6CPC4)
> We gotta call dibs so hard. Once dibbed, only the most dire of circumstances can undib something.
>To the top bunk!>You retrace your steps back to the sleeping quarters, with the dozen-storey bunk beds. Of course the top bed is the most valuable accolade a fairy can acquire here, so you start flying around the top layer to find a vacant spot. Unfortunately most of the beds are already taken, their name tags written on with marker pens and shiny paint.
>"DIBS! Dibs dibs dibs!">"Di-oh, dammit." The other fairy can't even get the words out before you call dibs. Defeated, she floats down a storey and claims the bunk right beneath yours. You expect her to scribble her name on the tag, but instead she simply writes a warning:
> Also ask her name apropos of nothing.>"Who, me?" The fairy looks up at you in the middle of drawing a skull and crossbones to go with her warning sign. "Name's Ember. Ember Spark. World's best campfire starter." To demonstrate, she rubs her palms together - you see a small spark forming between them. "Lighters are for losers, y'know?"
> "Yes, yes, here, up here, away from the glittery shinies that pile up in the lower bunks. You know, how all the glittery shinies in the air just sinks to the bottom? Eugh, makes me shiver...."> Ember snorts. "Nice try. No fairy worth her salt would fall for that one." She pauses for a moment, then looks away. "Not like I fell for that once or anything."
>Attempt to write our name on the bed or nameplate.>You have a little booklet with your name on it, and you copy it carefully onto the tag. It's not writing so much as a desperate forgery of your own name, but you do a decent job of it.
> "Plans? Where do I get those? Are they shiny? Ooooh, you mean one of those dreamy ass-pie-ratey thingy sort of plan plans that the Queen used to tell me about? Oh yes, yes, I've got big plans! The biggest! Most biggestest! Like, this big!" Gesture with arms spread out. "I'm going to become the big leader person of the fairy navy one day and make the Queen really really proud of me! I'll bring her the biggestest biggest shiny there ever was!">"Whoa, that's pretty big." Ember seems taken in by your enthusiasm. "I think I might want to help you out with tha-"
>"And get shot lots!">"...Oh." Ember pouts. "Actually, I take that back. I, uh, don't react well to bullets. Like, seriously, one little shot and-BOOOOOOM." She billows out her hands as she makes her own sound effects. "I was sorta hoping I could stand behind a cannon or something else big enough to work as a shield. Means I can 'accidentally' shoot anyone I don't like, either."
> Wonder about how Ember changes the font size of her own dialogue cause that's pretty nifty.> You're pretty sure it's got something to do with whispering.
> "I didn't eat the whole weapon, that'd be silly." Roll your eyes then show her sparkler, "Just the tip thing. It was yummy! I'm saving the rest for laters. Look, I even gave it a name. It's called 'Sparkler', see? I think it's cute. Don't you think it's cute?" Smile a wide, happy grin.>"Wait, YOU'RE the one that beat the cupcake master?!" Ember's eyes twinkle in awe for about half a second...then stop when she sees your weapon. "Uh...isn't that just a piece of wood? It doesn't even sparkle."
> "Oooh! Ooooh! When you get your cannon can I be shot out of it? I heard it's lotsa fun! Like lotsa lotsa fun!">"Uh...sure, I guess." Ember scratches her head, looking a bit bewildered by your enthusiasm. You suppose the idea of being live ammunition has never really come to her, given her...self-destructive tendencies.
> Remember to breathe in and pause at the right moments. Shinies come to those who can clearly state that they want them.> Good idea. Sometimes you forget to breathe for a few minutes and your face goes all blue.
> Speaking of:> "Oh, really?" Ember doesn't look quite willing to obey. "Well, bunk law also says I outrank the fairy right under me, and if it's two of us against the one of you-"
> "Bunk law says I outrank you. You follow my lead, and we'll get our share of shines way ahead of anyone else."
>Hold out our hand. "I'm Expendable Collateral.">"Expeedawhaaaa?" Ember doesn't even try to pronounce it. "Whatever. You're Penny now."
> "Good catch about the bunk under yours, Ember. You do outrank the ones below you. So go find the next one down, and tell her what I told you.">Sadly, bunk law is a long and bureaucratic system which explicitly states that each fairy is the superior to the fairy on the bunk immediately beneath them. Thus ordering about the person two bunks down as a lackey doesn't actually work, but telling her boss to order her about does. In fact, you notice several bunks that have been deliberately broken to stop a long chain of bunk-buddies from forming. Probably an anti-mutiny strategy or something.
> We'll make this a pyramid scheme yet!
>Who needs bunk law, anyways?>Not you, that's for sure. You'll win your crew's servitude through cunning and bravado! And maybe gratuitous bribery of shinies.
>"Hey, how long you been around here? Know any neat secrets?"
>does being launched out of a cannon work better when you're on fire?>"Never tried," Ember answers. "But I'm pretty sure I'd blow up before I even made it out of the barrel."
>Ask Ember. She seems like she would know.
>"So what do we do next? Wanna go exploring?">"Sounds like a good idea," Ember answers. "But where do we start? I mean, the ship's pretty huge-"
>"Let's start in the engine room! If it catches fire then it must be fun!">"Fire, huh? Sounds like my kinda fun." Ember picks herself out of bed and flutters on behind you.
>Follow the trail of steam.>You run past a long line of fairies who are attempting to stop the trail of steam by inhaling it. They're doing a remarkably good job of it, though they have to tag out every now and then to tend to their burned-up mouths.
>Blow on the fire.>It rustles back, then forward. Did it just wave at you?
> Maybe we can eat the fire, like we did the spoon. Have we ever eaten fire before?> You've never tried, but you remember seeing a fairy who could do it at the circus. The fire here is pretty big, though, so if you're going to try that it'll be a sizable helping.
>Do we know our stats?>Your Stats:
>If only we had some marshmellows or something.>You'll need to check if they've got any of those in the kitchen sometime.
>Look around for that voice we heard earlier.
> Wave at the fire, "Hello!">"Wha?" The voice from earlier responds to you. "What is it? I thought I told you I could fix the piston, Ada! What're you so worried about?"
> Eat the fire. OMNOMNOM. At best we actually get to eat something worth eating. At worst we attempt to put the fire out with our face.
> Shout "Hello! What's your name? Can you get us the sprinklers, ma'am!?">"They're right over there!" the girl yells. "Get 'em yerself! Geez, what does it take to give a girl some peace and quiet nowadays?"
> Dare Ember to eat some fire.
>You know what this fire needs? Sprinkles! Eat the fire that's blocking the emergency sprinklers so that the sprinkler makes the fire have sprinkles.BGM: Cherry Tarts of Fire (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYJzcUvS_NU&feature=player_detailpage#t=5s)
> Whoa, whoa, whoa. We can eat fire? What else can we eat?> The Queen always told you that you could do anything if you put your mind to it. With fairies, this claim is often very literal.
>Flex>YEEEEEEEAH
>"And stay down!"
>Point where the fire was with one arm, continue victory flex with the other.
>"I just wanted sprinkles! Why do these taste like water?">:(
>Pout.
>Pout more.>:(
>A liiittle more pouting...>:(
>Okay, that's enough. Return to your normal non-pouty self.>:)
>"Hi, I'm Expendable Collateral and this is Ember Spark. And what's your name?">"You're not even apologising?!" The soot-soaked fairy stamps her foot, sending up a wave of ash. "That does it! I don't care what that fancy-shmancy doctor says! Bolt McScrew doesn't need her stinking glasses to get the job done!"
>"Is there a secret door behind that poster?">"No, but there is one under the engine," Bolt answers, totally unaware of what you're implying. "No damn clue where that thing leads."
> "You should tell her. I think I'm supposed to be dead now or something.">You wince from your not-injuries to make Bolt feel better.
> Are there glasses visible anywhere?
> Point at the paper.>"Shaddap, dammit! I'm busy!" The wrench swings vaguely in your general direction.
> "Hey! Look!"
>Say in a spooky voice "Bolt... I've come back from the dead to haunt you! Drop your weapon at once or I'll possess you!">Bolt tilts her head for a moment. "Dead? What's dead? Is that the thing humans become when they stop moving?" She shrugs it off and gets back to work.
>Give the piece of paper to Ember.>"What?" Ember pouts. "How come you get to do all the cool stuff?"
>"You go get her thingy from the doctor, I'll explore the secret passage."
> "She can't hit you if you get her thing. She'll have to be nice to you.">Ember growls for a moment longer, then eventually sighs. "Fine, I'll go get her thingy. Stupid bunk law..." She flutters off out the door and into the corridor, leaving you alone with Bolt - who still doesn't seem to have taken the slightest bit of interest in you over her 'work'.
>Search for traps and secret doors.>Roll Cunning: 16
That ... isn't made from ground-up fairies, is it?>Oh, no, don't be silly! It just took some recruits a few hours of wing-flapping to produce enough glitter to get the machine going. Really takes the wind out of you, y'know.
>If it's so easy to make the sparklies, why don't you help out by making more?>You flap your wings frantically for thirty seconds, producing a few specks of glitter before you start feeling tired. This really isn't a very efficient way to produce shinies.
>SPARKLIES EVERYWHERE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
>Crawl underneath the engine just far enough to be in arm's reach of the glitter.>The glitter is inside the machine. Would you like to put your hand inside the machine?
>"Oooh... so this is where the sparkles went!"
>Open the trapdoor.>Surprisingly the door isn't locked, and opens to reveal a ladder down into the depths. You can't make out what's down there from where you are, though - it's pretty dark.
>The glitter is inside the machine. Would you like to put your hand inside the machine?
> Bolt's still smacking the poster with her wrench?>She is starting to make some impressive dents in the wall. You hope there isn't any sort of machinery behind it for her to damage.
> YES.>You find a small flap into the engine, just large enough for you to slip your hand in. You dip it in, and it's immediately soaked in the glorious shininess of fairy glitter. It's one of the best feelings you can imagine-
>Descend!
>going down into dark places is scary, so you should flip upside-down, then go UP into the darkness!>You suspect hanging around here is inadvisable. You pull your hand out of the engine, flying upside down through the open trapdoor!
>It works because you are only going into depths if you're going down, so if you're going up, you must be going into the not-depths.
>Review what we know about fairy reproduction.
>Boggle at hand for awhile.>Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh.
> If our hand doesn't provide enough light to see well, eat the darkness until it does.>You've got enough light to move forward with. Besides, you're not a fan of eating darkness - tastes like a fat load of nothing.
>Review what we know about fairy reproduction.>Ummmm...you weren't paying much attention when the Fairy Queen told you this story. Something about a stork?
> Do we, uh, do this sort of reviewing often? 'Cause it's an odd thing to review at a time like this.>Fairies are very bad at maintaining focus. They have a habit of being distracted by anything and everythi-OOH WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE
>Then look around.>You walk forward into the dank musty tunnel, your shiny shiny fingers lighting your path. This is probably the unshiniest part of the ship you've seen so far. You're really not sure why anyone would want to come to a place so dreary.
> Wait, what about our face?>Oh god no what happened to you
> Check our face for abnormalities.
>Giggle at BOOTSTRAP'S ARSE, hehehe>Teeheeheehee~ You don't even know what an 'arse' is, but you do know it's a naughty word that good girls are never meant to use. That makes it inherently funny.
> Well, the door's dumb anyway! If we're here, that must mean we were meant to be here! We can't be somewhere we're not meant to be! That's just basic logic.
> Show the stupid door what for by opening it.
> We're meant to be here because what is shiny is ours by right, and there may be shinies in there. Manifest Destiny, baby.>Channeling all your frustrations, you grab at the door and tug at its side. The metal seal stays well and truly shut, no matter how hard you tug or how many times you yell MANIFEST DESTINY at it.
> No stupid door is gonna call us ugly and keep us from shinies and get away with it! We spent many years training for moments like these. Now it's time for us to put our skills to use.BGM: Pie wo Torimodose (Instrumental) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8BYBaDz0Ic)
> Eat the door. (Try not to chew too much if we can avoid it, though, we don't want to break our teeth on the metal.)
>Apparently! The command interpreter rolls with whatever comes.>Are we some kind of fairy of eating now?
>Walk through the hole and claim our reward!
>Well, if they're hidden all the way down here and we haven't seen them anywhere else, they must be special!>You pick up the closest weapon and aim it at the nearby wall. Now how do you work this thing? Maybe you press this button-
>Pick up one of the prototypes and work out how to make it asplode things (holding it around the right way is optional).
> Here's an important question: do we attain the powers of the things that we eat?> You never put any points into Blue Magic, unfortunately. It seemed way too gimmicky to you when you were setting up your stats.
I didn't actually think that would work. .-.(I felt like sending you down to the arsenal and then not giving you a way in was sort of a copout, so. Feel free to make as much or as little of Expendable's culinary ability as you like.)
If we're going to keep getting it, then I think we should probably be sporting about it and only use it as a gag solution.
EDIT: No pun intended.
>Can we use danmaku?>Danmawhat now?
>Pocket a few of the pineapple-things for later, we've eaten enough recently.>You give them a quick taste test before stashing them away. A lot harder than you were expecting.
>Poke the sticky.>Ehehehe, so sticky-eh?
>Its so sticky!
>wait, are we stuck to it?
>Try to pull our finger out.>Nnh!
>If it doesn't come out then pull harder!
>If that doesn't work then try and trade a pineapple for our finger.
> Eat the thing. Along with the pineapple. Avoid our finger.>As a seasoned eater, you know the bloodlust that comes with a challenge. If you start eating you can't guarantee you'll stop until the whole meal is finished, your finger included. These are the sacrifices that come with your art.
>The trick here is to be smarter than the ooze. For instance, if we can generate a pile of sparklies on the floor with our wings, it will be torn between letting go and holding on and missing out.>Oh man, that's a great idea! You're so smart.
>Pout at it.> =<
>Shout at it.
>Clout it.
> Man, that is a low-quality pineapple. Take out a pin from another pineapple and replace the missing one, that should do it.> You can't set a bad impression on the goop if you want it to agree with you! You quickly pull the pin from pineapple #2 and use it to fix pineapple #1.
>Afterward, chuck the newly pinless pineapple aside. We'll fix it once we've gotten this mess dealt with.>You toss the thing away into a distant corner of the room. It lands close to all of the other pineapples. Maybe no-one will notice it?
>Tug, tug. "You know you aren't going to get sparklies like this later. I wouldn't pass up this deal!"
>Consider the hazards of eating the sticky.>There are no hazards beyond the fact you may lose your ability to count to ten. (Nothing a quick death wouldn't fix.)
> Attempt to negotiate calmly with the sticky in its native language. Something like "squelch squelch gloop"?
>Moe power activate: puppy dog eyes!>C'mon, have a heart! Even if you're just a mindless pile of icky goo. :<
>"Oh please let me go, Goop-san!"
>Is the beeping pineapple out of reach? Man that's the worst.>Hey, pineapple! Keep your beeping to yourself, or I'll have to come over there and-
>It's like when you can't reach your alarm clock when it wakes you up so you can't tell it to shut up.
>Yell at it. You're trying to have a civil conversation with sticky stuff here!
> Are we hurt?>You're alright. You were on the other side of the room from the explosion.
> Are we still stuck?
>"See, that's why you need to let go, Goopy.">Goopy refuses to give up on his grudges. You wonder if he has any friends. Probably not.
>Nab that gun and give it a look. Maybe it will show Master Belch here that we mean business.
>Soakinate the Goop!>You fire your water gun like a cold-hearted drencher. The goop makes some unhappy burbling sounds as it slides down the wall, leaving both your hand and the pineapple free to move. You pick it up, restocking back to 2 Temper-Tantrum Pineapples.
>Investigate the wall that got asploded.>There really isn't much wall to investigate anymore. You do, however, get a nice view of all the pipes that were running behind the wall, many of which are now letting out various gases and liquids. Above you, panic sirens begin to blare, and the fairies faithfully obey orders by panicking.
> Stay calm and panic along with everyone else.> Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deep bre-AAAAAAAAAAA
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> Grab Ember's shoulders while panicking and shake her.> "W-W-W-W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME PENNY I'M GETTING DIZZY"
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>"Give them to her quick!">You can't leave without your buddy, Superglue!
>"Wait, I forgot something!"
>Go back as fast as possible for the goop gun, we can't just leave our loot lying there where anyone could find it.
>"Whoa. She's good.">Ember quickly follows you into the doorway. You watch as Bolt personally attends to every little malfunction in the engine room, putting out fires and stopping the flow of whatever it is comes through these pipes. Within a few minutes, the panic alarms have given way to the calming sound of silence.
>Let's stand back outside the doorway and watch her go to work!
>Wait wait wait!> Oh, of course. You don't know what you were thinking.
>Grab as much of that glitter as we can carry first. And roll in what's left like a dog.
>Wait wait wait!>aaaaah sparklies everywhere~
>Grab as much of that glitter as we can carry first. And roll in what's left like a dog.
> "Kay!">You have a relatively good idea how to get to the captain's quarters from here. Just a left there, a right here, and-
> Turn and head in the first direction that might look like it leads captain-ways.
>"NEVER!"OST: Max Paynecake (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWNPgqwHh1I)
>Introduce them to our old nemesis Goopy.
does the goop gun have limited ammo? If so, how full is it right now?>It claims to have 5 blobs remaining. It used to be 20, but you got a little carried away.
>"Right now, you mean? Because I can do it right now.">"But then I'm reminding you to remind me that I have to remind you to-" Ember's eyes start to swirl about in her head. "Let's...let's just go."
>"If you want me to remind you later, you're gonna have to remind me about it."
>"Okay!">You encounter no more resistance on the way back to the bridge, mainly because every single private is currently part of the massive goop pile in your wake. As you enter, Captain Blackwing is yelling into a microphone.
>Back to wandering captainwards.
>"Why are we here again Ember?">"Ehh? The engine's stuck? Well, that explains why nothin's happenin' when I push the buttons." Blackwing hits the control panel a few times for good measure. "That's, uh...that's a problem."
>"Oh right, the engine isn't working or something so we aren't going to move."
>"Also everyone tried to steal my shinyness so I had to goopify them, I think it might have been another mutiny."
>"How can we help, capstain? Do you want us to ink wit the crew?">"Well, we've not got a lotta options here. Mosta the systems are down, and the ammo got put offline too. All we've got running is one cannon, but the only thing large enough to make a decent impact would be...a fairy."
> Hey, wait, that's our name!>"Really? Yer name is Axe Panda Bull?" Blackwing jerks her head back. "That's the most badass name I've ever heard in me life."
> "Hey, wait, that's my name!"
> Look. Look! Listen. This may sound stupid, but just listen, okay? Instead of shooting the fairy out of the cannon, what if we shot the cannon out of the fairy? Like, point the cannon the other way around, load the fairy, and instead of the fairy, the cannon gets shot. We'll get a medal and we won't have to spend eternity floating out in space where, frankly, there is a very low shiny concentration per cubic meter.
> Look. Look! Listen. This may sound stupid, but just listen, okay? Instead of shooting the fairy out of the cannon, what if we shot the cannon out of the fairy? Like, point the cannon the other way around, load the fairy, and instead of the fairy, the cannon gets shot. We'll get a medal and we won't have to spend eternity floating out in space where, frankly, there is a very low shiny concentration per cubic meter.
>"If I do this I get lots of shinies right?">"Well, initial scans say there are a whole bunch of shiny minerals inside the rock, so...I guess? Not really sure, this isn't something I'm used ta doing with my crew members."
>"Oh! Can someone else come too? For double cannon power?!">"That will not be possible, unfortunately." Ada bows towards you. "The cannon only has enough power for one shot."
> Look. Look! Listen. This may sound stupid, but just listen, okay? Instead of shooting the fairy out of the cannon, what if we shot the cannon out of the fairy? Like, point the cannon the other way around, load the fairy, and instead of the fairy, the cannon gets shot. We'll get a medal and we won't have to spend eternity floating out in space where, frankly, there is a very low shiny concentration per cubic meter.> The cannon will run off several megatonnes of power from the ship's generator. In comparison the best form of propulsion you can offer is a relatively sharp nudge. Also, you've probably destroyed enough ship hardware for one day.
> "Yeah, that's my name!"
> Jab a finger at Ada.
> "She said so, even!"
> "Yeah, that's my name!""Nah, she said something else. Something nowhere near as awesome." Blackwing shrugs. "Still, I can definitely trust this duty to someone with a name that immensely kickass. So, tell me - are ya enough of a hero to let us fire ya out of a cannon?"
> Jab a finger at Ada.
> "She said so, even!"
> The cannon will run off several megatonnes of power from the ship's generator. In comparison the best form of propulsion you can offer is a relatively sharp nudge. Also, you've probably destroyed enough ship hardware for one day.
> You don't get it, you don't get it, you just gotta listen! Look! Look, what we gotta- just listen! Okay? We fire the cannon in reverse. It's all conservation of momentum this and vectors that. If we fire the cannon but then we don't move the force's gotta go somewhere, right? Right? And that's gonna be the cannon. You ask me, how's this all possible, how can this even happen, but I've got your answer right here.> Noted. You will try really really really hard not to move when the cannon fires.
> (http://i44.tinypic.com/qqu1zl.jpg)
>"I don't think you have enough shinies to stop me!">"Uh, you've already got mosta the shinies on the ship right now." Blackwing points at the shell of glitter you are currently immersed in. "In fact, the only person left who's got anything particularly shiny is-"
>Pause.
>"Do you? Can I have them?"
>"Hey, watch out! It's not my fault things seem to go wrong around me! I'm the first fairy who starts solving the problems for the ship! Listen: when I arrived at the kitchen, Golden Delicious attacked me! Before I got to the engine room, Bolt didn't have her glasses, and was damaging the ship! The other recruits I glued were preventing us from responding to the capstain's orders. These accusations are false and you know it! Look, I should be the first fairy fired out of that cannon, not you, because my name is Expendable Collateral!">"What is your major malfunction?!" Bootstrap points the gun right at you. "Let's see you do your best Bootstrap impression-"
>"Ummm, a make a cute face contest.">"What the-" Bootstrap fumes. "That's cheating, and you know it! You know my mother died in a freak face-pulling accident-"
>Melt into a moeblob.
>Show our commitment to sparkle motion.
> Do that party trick we do where our pupils turn into little heart-shapes.>D'awwwwwww, what a cute little fairy! Who's a cute little fairy? You are!
> Give chase!>"Aarr...we've never tried that before. Might not be room in the cannon, but-" Blackwing is disabled by her nosebleed before she can continue. "Just go, already!"
> "Wait! What if we both got shot at the same time?"
>"I'm gonna knock all the shiny out of you!">"I'd like to see you try, private!"
> Do unto her what we do unto mutineers. Introduce her to Mr. Goopy.>You're not used to shooting a moving target. You fire a couple of shots off as you give chase, but Bootstrap evades! So much for activating her inbuilt get-shot senses.
>Jump onto her and cling tightly! No time for a fishbowl, we'll just have to do without!>You jump up and grab her just as she's on the lip of the cannon!
>Try to climb up her and get in the cannon first!>You try, but she's shaking around too much! You can't get a good grip on her back!
> Grab on tight.>You tighten your grip as Bootstrap pulls herself into the cannon, dragging you in with her! "Hey, what are you-"
> Yell "just fire it now!"
>Push Bootstrap in front of us.BGM: Also Splat Zarathustra (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szdziw4tI9o&feature=player_detailpage#t=16s)
> Eat the giant rock meatball!BGM: Burn My Bread -Last Supper- (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSq_nfTs4Ko)